Gaara had a rather annoying and frustrating first few days without her. At first, he hadn't noticed what was wrong with his day. The effect was minimal. Temari filled in for the meals like Hinata said she would, but she didn't have the presence Hinata did. What was making it unbearable was the sleepless nights and endless days filled with Shukaku's angry growling.
Shukaku was making no sense. He was furious but wasn't telling him why. He usually liked to torture him with every little detail of what irked him, but his verbal silence and constant growling were almost more painful. They were far more distracting.
It was only the middle of the week. He couldn't remember the last time he had been so mentally exhausted. He had yelled and screamed at the beast in his head for explanations for his new torture but got no reply, just the sandy cold shoulder and louder, more annoying growling.
He had had enough. He gave his sister control of the city and went to the dead of the desert where he could safely fight with his 'inner demons'.
He screamed until his throat was sore, but he still had no reply. He angrily slashed in the air until he was tired and just laid in the middle of the desert, staring at the sky.
He focused on something else for a while, Hinata. He missed her. He missed her presence and scent that was slowly wearing off the furniture with use. He missed her calm voice. He missed her effects on his day. Without her there, he was starting to fall back into his habits, noticeably snapped more. He had delegated time in his day to her where he didn't need to worry about his patience because she didn't test it.
He wondered what he would do if she suddenly decided to stay in Konoha. With that thought, an angry possessive growl angrily ripped through his mind. He felt a heavy wave of panic from the beast and started to physically tremble.
He sat up abruptly in realization. Shukaku's behavior toward her confused him more by the day, but it was clear. Shukaku wanted her near and rejected the idea of her being away longer. Had the beast missed her as he did? It was nearly laughable.
He wasn't sure letting her leave a good idea, but he wasn't sure he would be allowed to again. Would he be able to stand the next couple of days of anger boiling and keep his temper in check? He would have to take protective measures as he whittled away into his mind.
Hinata had not expected the welcome she got. When she got back to Suna, she was caught by Temari, who hastily dragged her in. She quickly explained to her that Gaara had left for a few hours one day, and when he came back, locked himself in his office and refused to come out. He had accepted food the first day but not after. From what she could tell, she wasn't sleeping, and there had been periodic yelling coming from behind the closed door.
She felt a horrible worry grip her heart as Temari explained this was something he would do years ago, but it stopped when he gained control. It would still happen from time to time but never for more than a night. Never this long.
Temari stopped at the door and left her there to explain she would be down the hall, but it was best if he didn't see her. When Hinata had knocked on his office door, she jumped when she got an angry growl as a reply. "Leave!"
She knocked again softly, hoping he wouldn't be too angry with her for trying. "Gaara? What's going on? Are you going to be okay?" She whispered to him through the door. "Have I done som..." The door was yanked open, and she pushed in quickly by a wall of sand, making her squeak, and the door slammed behind her.
She stared up at him and his wild eyes. Temari was right. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. His hair and clothes were ruffled and abused, and his breathing was ragged. He looked like he was in a full state of defensive panic.
"What happened?" She reached forward to him, but he staggered back like she held a weapon out at him. She quickly retracted her hand, holding it to her chest.
"What did you do to me!?" He growled. He looked terrified, scared of her? Like a cornered animal, his voice was low and defensive, not the gentle and demanding strength she used to. It didn't even sound like his voice. She put her hands up close to her showing her palms to show she meant no harm. She slowly backed up toward the door behind her trying to give him space.
He looked at the door and her and further panicked. She waved her hands, turning to put herself in the corner instead. "Not leaving." She promised.
He stared at her for a few moments. The room went silent, saving his heavy breathing. The air and sand in the room swirled, and he bent forward, holding his head like he was hearing sharp sounds. She felt tears. She had no idea what to do. She wanted to help, but what help was she if he was scared of her.
"Gaara, I just got here. I don't know what is going on." She explained. "Please let me help." She begged, hazarding a step forward.
"He's been growling since you left." He let out painfully, holding his head tighter. "He doesn't stop. He's trying to kill me with his damned emotions."
"I don't know why I cause that, but I'm sorry." She whimpered, shrinking lower so she could barely see his face. "I'm sorry. Please, let me help." She offered her hands palms up to him.
His eyes quickly examined her. He gave a pained cringe dropped to his knees like he had been defeated. He gripped painfully tighter to his head. She cautiously came closer. She was afraid he might hurt himself at this rate.
She let her fingertips touch his hands as she lightly pulled them away from the sides of his head. At first, he fought her, but he relented quickly and almost forced himself to give her his hands. She held them between them rubbing her thumbs over his knuckles. He hazarded a look up at her with a tremble and terror-filled eye. Then his hands were not in hers, and her waist was not her own. He gripped tightly to her, his face buried into her stomach, her knees buckled with the force, making her shins fall into his lap. She moved her hands to gently cradle his abused head, curling around it protectively. He rocked back and forth on his heels, breathing jaggedly into her skin.
She could feel every tremble and tremor that wracked his body. She could feel the waves of panic and fear coming off of him. It all broke her heart. She remembered nights of rocking herself to sleep at night riddled with anxieties of not being good enough for her family if that felt horrible. What on earth did this level feel like? She couldn't begin to imagine, and that made it all the worse.
"Please." She whispered into his hair. "Leave him be."
Gaara's breathing hitched. He tightened his grip, the muscles in his arms, shaking, keeping the force. She closed her eyes, waiting.
"We don't want you to leave again." His strained voice was muffled in the fabric.
"Next time, you come with me." She agreed. "I'd like both your company." She pressed her cheek to his head and closed her eyes, letting the tears fall into his hair.
Gaara held so many worries when he let her in. What if he scared her? What if he hurt her? What if she thought he would?
He was panicked. He was afraid of the terror he expected in her eyes, but it never came. Just worry. It scared him more. What would it be that turned her way then? Shukaku's possessiveness? No, it never came. She offered her exit, her safety, her care, her body.
He clung and didn't want to let go, her soft plea made the growling stop, and Shukaku was just as shocked as he was.
'Keep her.' The beast commanded.
If he had it his way, he would. He was scared of what losing her would do to him. He was scared of this little woman he had claimed. He was terrified of her and her power over him. He wanted her close and reachable at all times.
Hinata felt his breath tremble against her skin in heavy breaths as he began to calm. Her heart shattered.
"Gaara, let me go." She pleaded. "I'm not going anywhere." She promised.
He gripped even tighter for a moment before shakily letting her go, only enough for his hands to grab either arm. She sat back on her feet, hoping she wasn't too heavy to still be in his lap. She was now at her goal, eye level with him.
"Why are you scared?" She asked, looking at his wary eyes. She let her hand fall to his forearms. She could feel the continued tremble of his muscles the speed of his pulse, and it made more tears form in her eyes.
"Why are you not?" He replied, wounded.
"What have I to be scared of?" She wondered as she lifted her hand to rest his collar.
"Me!" He growled. He flinched forward into her face, baring his teeth like a cornered animal, defensive and scared to fight but needing to for survival. Is that what he saw her as? A threat to his survival?
She blinked at him, and her eyebrows came down into a scowl, making him flinch. She couldn't help the sudden anger at the world that rejected him, making him feel like he needed to be seen as the monster that he was told he was. "Never." She told him firmly.
She didn't think she would ever see him cry.
Temari cautiously knocked on the door to her brother's office. She hoped Hinata had calmed him down last night. If she did, he should be more responsive this morning as the hall didn't feel like there was a bomb in it anymore, but there was no reply. No angry growl, no soft voice telling her to come in. She feared the worst, opening the door hesitantly. She skimmed the room, eye falling to her brother's napping couch. Once she had brushed off, but twice was a sign. Nestled on the couch was Hinata laid out on her side facing the room. Pale cradled her little brother's head, which nestled into Hinata's stomach. His body was curled tightly around her, arm circling her possessively even in his sleep.
She didn't care how Hinata had done it, but she would love it if she would keep it up forever. Her little brother deserves some peace.
She didn't want to wake him. She knew it was getting later in the day, but he hadn't slept while she was gone. She couldn't bear to disturb him. She lightly pet his hair down, detangling the strained tufts with the tips of her fingers. He worried her. She was afraid for him. She knew he hadn't had much in the way of giving and receiving affection as a child. So submitting and receiving it willingly, then having that taken away suddenly, even for a little over a week, was understandably uncomfortable. However, being punished by an entity he couldn't get away from, it all must have been taxing until he broke down.
He was asleep, but did that mean Shukaku was? It was worth another try.
"Shukaku-san." She addressed him. "If you can hear me, please don't punish him for what I do. He can't always control what happens, and if he tries, there might be consequences you will dislike more." She paused, piercing her lip as she rubbed pieces of his hair between her fingers. "It hurts to see him like that. I'm not sure why you dislike me leaving, and I won't assume anything from it, but I'm not going anywhere far, and I'll always come back when I leave. I promise." She whispered Gaara's arms tightened in his unconscious state. She wasn't sure the cause, but she wouldn't think about it much. She could just go back to sleep now.