Hinata giggled, and he looked up. Was she laughing at him? It didn't seem malicious, just that she was amused by his lack of understanding.
Gaara sighed, putting the notes aside.
Cute.
She went back to her book, and he went back to his papers.
He was pressed with a new question. "Is your clan coming?" She looked up in question. "To the wedding." He finished.
"My father, sister, and cousin are all coming. I have expressed an open invitation to the rest of the clan, but other than who will come with my father and sister, I'm not sure who else will come. Possibly the group who plan the move here when the compound is finished." She answered. "The branch house, though family, don't have much reason to come, so I doubt they will. If I were heiress, still they would."
That bothered him. He didn't like the way her family ran itself. His family was far from model, but a clan that revered as highly as the Hyuga's were, they were dysfunctional. So self-sufficient, they have classes of people within the family.
Gaara understood leadership and passing it through the main bloodline. That was not the only tradition. It was trying to keep traits of a leader through parentage, as well as keeping secret close and with as few people knowing as possible. Despite his agreement with that, treating the rest of the family as second class was jarring and proved to be detrimental.
From what he got from Hinata, the reason for her cousin trying to kill her years ago was his place and positional treatment in the family. His father being born second only by chance and a few seconds caused him and their entire line to be subservient to immediate family. Neji's resentment of her made sense.
Hinata also told him that it explained her little sister's early resentment of her as well. It was short-lived, once Hinata expressed her dislike for the system. They had decided together she either became the head and tried to actively abolish the system, or Hanabi became the head and would try it secretly.
Later, when they pushed for Hanabi to take Hinata's place, she gave it to them for a price. Her 'birthright' for her freedom.
"You don't want them here?" She asked. He twitched. Now he had offended her. He looked back over at her face expecting irritation but was greeted with a genuine question.
"Do you?" He asked.
Hinata set her book down and leaned on the arm of the couch, folding her arms on it and laying her head in her arms. It still jarred him how comfortable she was around him. He had to shake the thought. "Honestly, I'd prefer most of them not. I don't mind the branch, but my family, especially my father, will bring a whole level of anxiety and pressure." She sighed. "My trip back made me realize how much more comfortable I am here. It's proper, but I have places to relax and be comfortable without the stress of being perfect."
He stared at her. She was going through something he never had to. If anything, he did the opposite. He was a hellspawn that learned manners. He never felt the need to be proper though he chose to because it smoothed the things over with politics and made his life easier.
His fiancee, on the other hand, had to be miserably proper or was punished. He was treasuring her quick relaxation even more if it was possible.
Hinata tilted her head to the side and laid it down, loose hair draping down the side. "But I know my place. I'm a Hyuga for one last day."
He felt his face heat unusually. He forgot about that, and he had failed to ask about something rather important.
"Suna doesn't have surnames. Don't you take a husband's surname in a Konoha wedding?" She lifted her head to blink at him.
"I thought yours was Sabaku?" She asked, surprised.
"It's part of my name. My full name is Sabaku, no Gaara. One name. My siblings don't share that." He wondered how many people had made the same mistake.
She thought idly, looking off to the side, and then she started to giggle. "You could take mine." She giggled. His face scrunched in distaste. "Gaara Hyuga." Her giggling intensified.
He sighed. "I think not."
"Still even without the name. I won't belong to a clan like that anymore. I won't be 'Hinata of the Hyuga clan' or 'the failed Hyuga heiress' anymore." She laid her head back down and smiled at the floor. "I'll be 'Sabaku no Gaara's wife'."
It filled his face with heat again as he noticed his full name, and more specifically, she hadn't said the 'Kazekage's wife'. If someone would have told him that he would have a woman happy to be called his wife, he may have killed them, thinking they were descending into madness. Was he? "Thank you."
"Hmm?" She asked in question, looking up at him as he tried to focus back on his paperwork. Her continued stare was distracting. "Oh, Gaara." She whispered as she followed his line of thought.
Gaara cringed. She knew, and it upset her. He needed to be more careful.
She closed her book as she got up and came toward him. He dreaded her ability to read him.
Hinata came around his desk beside him, gently placing her hand on his shoulder, leaning down, blocking his vision with a curtain of her hair, taking away the distraction that hadn't been working anyway. "Gaara, I think you might have lower self-esteem than me." She whispered to him.
Gaara was getting nothing else done today. He sighed. He wasn't sure how he didn't manage to fall behind in his paperwork with her in his life. Was it the fact Shukaku calmed, or was it the fact he was generally healthier? He was honestly trying to think about it, anything but his current situation.
He set down his pen, looking up. "I have a good reason."
"I have a counter-argument." She offered.
"You'll be wasting your time." He mumbled.
She gave him a sad smile. "Never."
Gaara raised his hand to hers on his shoulder, capturing it and bringing it in front of him as he leaned back in his chair. She leaned her hip on his desk, smiling at him, curling her fingers in his.
"You are revered as the best leader Suna has had. Your dedication to these people that rejected you is noble and unmatched." She started.
"They still fear me." He countered.
"They fear the idea of you because you think you deserve it. Hiding in here doesn't help." Because he thought he deserved it? His face scrunched in question. "Your perception of yourself shows to others. So you hide away from your people until it comes time to protect them. You think people should fear you because you haven't forgiven yourself."
"You don't think that." He focused on her fingers in his hand. "You never did."
"No, but I'm not a fair case." She explained. "I know Naruto-kun, and people treated him similarly when he was young. Not nearly as violently, but the rejection and fear were aimed at him. I saw him grow up with the pressures of being a beast holder. I saw how it hurt him, and I didn't understand the rejection for something imposed on him, but I was an outlier until he got older. I have had the experience most have not. Hyuga pressure and my low self-worth made it easy to see this."
Gaara felt a possessive surge, a twinge of uncomfortable irritation at how she spoke of his friend. He violently shoved the distaste aside. The connection between his first friend and his wife suddenly bothered him.
Shukaku growled at the idea, expressing his distaste in her known affections toward the boy and possibly his beast. Did she speak to his beast the way she did his? The entire idea made his stomach cold and pained. They were both being ridiculously possessive. This was what would ultimately make her fear him.
As if she read his thoughts. She rubbed her thumb over his fingers. "That's something I should probably mention. You once asked me if I would have rather married Naruto-kun." He tightened around her hand, staring at the joint between them. He didn't like where this was going. "To be honest, at the time, I would have loved to. If he could have let Sakura-chan go, I would have loved to marry him."
"I know." He mumbled. He took note of his tone. It was far too harsh for this conversation.
"How did you know that I didn't..." He stepped in, feeling her embarrassment.
"He did." He explained, looking up at her red face.
She studied his face, chewing on her lip, she was suddenly nervous. Her fingers started to fidget in his hand. He held it still. "I… Uhm..." She didn't seem comfortable with him anymore.
He let go of her hand, and she flinched, pulling both of her hands to her chest. "I'm sorry I didn't know you knew I should have spoken of it sooner." She revered her eyes, losing their shine as she curled into herself.
Gaara was in a difficult position, wanting both of their discomfort to stop, having no idea of how. He closed his eyes and sighed before looking at her again. Pushing aside the angry growling and mumbling in his head and the papers on his desk. He took hold of her hips and lifted her onto it in front of him. She squeaked and gripped his forearms for balance, though it was a short trip.
They got past situations by talking about them. They would do the same here even if it was uncomfortable, and this could take a while so she could at least sit.
He kept his palms comfortably on her sides, laying his arms and elbows in her lap, and leaned forward on her. She curled her fingers comfortably, the muscle her hand had latched onto and kept him there.
"Tell me about it now." He opened.