***These characters are not mine. They belong to lovely miss Cassandra Clare. Only this crazy, twisted plot is my demon spawn. Mwahahahahaha. Thanks for reading!******
~Remember…this shit is rated M for a reason~
A/N: So here's the thing guys. I have terrible migraines. They have been getting worse over time. I am having some other health problems as well that have me in the doctors office 2-3 times a week if you include physical therapy. I don't see this stopping anytime soon. Makes it hard to get things done. I am trying my best to write but it's really difficult right now so hang with me and we'll try to get this story banged out ASAP. Just know I'm doing the best I can. As for my other stories, this is the one giving me inspiration at the moment. I haven't gone back to read where I left off with the others so not sure if I'll be able to pick anything else up right now but we'll see.
Anyway, here's the long awaited FIRST CHAPTER of Water Under The Bridge so don't forget to review! Hopefully, you'll enjoy how I wrap this little series up. Stay tuned.
DO NOT READ UNLESS YOUVE ALREADY READ SEND MY LOVE (TO YOUR NEW LOVER) AND HELLO OR THIS STORY WILL MAKE MUCH LESS SENSE!
Also the playlist on Spotify for this series has been updated. Just search for reppinda5o3 Send My Love/Hello/Water Under The Bridge Fanfics or here is the version of the link the FFN will actually let me post! h-t-t-p-s : / / open dot spotify dot com/user/1235861650/playlist/11pzLPQKBJ6BiTw8zkcWXM?si=Luh-d3jpQymFNhWygsx5xA
Don't forget to remove the dashes in the h-t-t-p-s part, take out the extra spaces and change the dots to periods!
Story Song:
*Adele - Water Under The Bridge*
Chapter Songs:
*Against The Current - Chasing Ghosts*
* ZAYN Featuring Taylor Swift - I Don't Wanna Live Forever*
*K-Ci & JoJo - Crazy*
Clary immediately slammed the door in his face from pure shock. She couldn't believe her eyes, didn't want to really. What the fuck was he doing at her door? She thought she made herself pretty clear when they ended their last phone conversation months ago. How the fuck did...she was going to kill Alec or Izzy or someone. People in that family needed to stop tossing around her information like it was a damn free for all.
Another knock came while she was standing there contemplating how to murder her friends. She opened the door back up and just stared at him. He was wearing a charcoal colored button up underneath a black leather jacket and dark jeans that hugged him in all the right places. She stood there, taking in his golden locks and his muscular arms and shoulders. She knew it was the last thing she should be thinking about but he had a certain presence and it was hard to ignore like she had been when it was standing right in front of her. She finally opened her mouth to speak but was cut off before she could even get a word out.
"Can I come in?"
"What do you want, Jace?"
"We need to talk." Clary went to interrupt him but he stopped her. "Wait. Just...I know the last conversation we had was less than ideal and that was on me. I called to apologize but I was drunk and feeling sorry for myself so it came out more like an accusation than the sincere request for forgiveness that it was supposed to be. I'm not making excuses, just laying out what happened. I know from Izzy that you guys had a chance to talk since then and I also know that when we were on the phone, I didn't give you a chance to be on the offense because you were too busy defending yourself from the horrible things I was saying. I've dried out and I'm ready to listen. I'd like to give you the opportunity to speak your mind and I'd like the opportunity to hear your feelings like I never took the time to from the beginning. I know I could've called but I think you've earned the right to know you have my full attention. Please, please let me take you out to breakfast or to coffee at least?"
Clary thought about it for a moment. This man had caused her all kinds of pain for that first 6 months after they'd broken up. After that, she'd done her best not to dwell over the years but that was easier said than done, even if only subconsciously. She'd had trust issues before Jace but after him? Her ability to have absolute confidence in the opposite sex as far as a partner was concerned, was almost non existent and her self worth was shot. Valuable, desirable, deserving..those were things she was still working on feeling everyday. If she knew at the time that her first real adult relationship was gonna fuck her up so bad, she would've just skipped it altogether and stayed alone. Although, regardless of the spectacular fail that was her love life, she was very successful in both her personal and professional life. It wasn't all bad.
She knew there were also some things that Jace didn't know and she figured he deserved to. She wasn't thrilled about having to delve into their past. She hated thinking of a time when she was so weak but it looked like the time for ignoring the unpleasantness was over.
"Yeah, fine. Breakfast sounds good I guess. I need to shower though. You can meet me at Takis in an hour," she said before shutting the door in his face.
She realized that was somewhat rude but after the previous conversations and interactions they'd had and the fact that it was so early, she wasn't feeling particularly nice. She also wasn't ready to have him in her personal space. She wasn't sure she'd ever be. Clary had worked hard to get past Jace's phase in her life. She wasn't sure what this conversation was leading to but she knew it wasn't going to be a college romance and a ring on her finger. She had quite a few things to get off her chest and where they went from there had a lot to do with his ability to listen and understand her point of view. She still didn't think she could ever trust him again but she hoped she could get to a better place with him now than where they currently stood.
Clary went to her bathroom and scrubbed herself down. She emerged 20 minutes later feeling as much like herself as possible before her morning coffee. She opted for skinny jeans with a chunky belt that sat low on her hips, a black cami and an off the shoulder tee. She laced up her black combat boots and threw on some eyeliner and mascara. She checked to make sure all her lights were off before grabbing her bag and leather jacket and heading out the door.
She realized she'd never really made sure that Jace knew where Takis was but she supposed he had a phone and Google so it couldn't have been that difficult to figure out. It was only about 8 blocks from her apartment but New York blocks were big. It would take her at least 15 minutes to get there. Good thing it hadn't taken her long to get ready, she had no one to impress so weekend attire it was.
She grabbed her iPod out of her bag and put her headphones in, blasting The Cranberries on the way. She needed something to prepare her for this confrontation and somehow they seemed perfect to relax her and pump her up at the same time.
Clary finally reached Takis after making a decent dent in the No Need To Argue album, walking in the door and finding Jace sitting in a corner booth, drinking a cup of coffee. She went to the complimentary coffee bar and poured herself a cup before moving to sit down with him. The coffee was divine as usual. They imported it directly from Columbia and made it strong, just how Clary liked it so she tended to drink way too much of the black gold whenever she stopped in.
"Hey," he said as she joined him in the booth.
"Hi." She wasn't quite sure where to start so to try and give herself more time, she took a drink, nearly burning the skin off of the inside of her mouth.
"Still taking it black I see."
"Most days." She stared out the window, not knowing whether he wanted her to begin or whether he wanted to order first. He took away the burden of her having to ask by motioning to the menu. Clary picked it up despite knowing exactly what she was going to order. It was always the same few things from Takis, depending on the day of the week she came in but since it was Saturday, it would without a doubt be fried chicken, biscuits and gravy. It was nice to have the menu to hide behind though; no need to talk until she absolutely had to.
After they'd both ordered and Jace stared at her for what felt like an eternity but was probably more like 30 seconds, he spoke.
"Clary, I know this is extremely uncomfortable for you-"
"I wonder then why you chose to come to my house and ambush me, knowing that this would be such an uncomfortable situation," she retorted, sharply.
"I told you, I really felt like the air needed to be cleared in person. It was so great to see you at my parents' house and then I had to fuck it all up." He blew out a deep breath. "Look, I did a fucked up thing to you in college. I was a dumb kid. I loved you, with all of my heart but I still let someone change my mind about us and I hurt you. I was an asshole about it. I even made you think I cheated on you because I was too much of a coward to just tell you I wanted out. For the longest time, I stupidly thought I would sow my wild oats and you would still be there waiting for me; we would pick up right where we left off. I even kept the ring." He pulled a small black box out of his pocket and opened it, showing her the very same ring he had proposed with when he was 22. Clary felt anger start to simmer under her skin but said nothing, allowing Jace to get out everything that he needed to say so she could finally have hers. Their waitress dropped off their food and they began to eat as Jace set the ring back on the table.
"Wow, this is really good."
"The best in New York as far as I'm concerned," she said in strained voice.
"So more truth...I've been in a lot of therapy to work this all out in my head so this may sound like a shrink made it up but I sort of put you in a box in my mind. I didn't want to hear about you or think about you because it would make me feel guilty for sleeping with random women. In my mind, even though I ended it, somehow, you were still mine. I hoped you were happy but not with another guy and if you were, I didn't want to hear about it. Somehow, Aline happened a couple years ago. That was the first relationship I'd had since you and I didn't even want it; it just sort of happened."
"Anyway, seeing you at my parents, it was like opening that box...and I couldn't close it again. You were everywhere and in everything. I tried to be present with Aline but she knew something was different. There was a lot of alcohol. A lot of tears and a lot of burying myself in work. Mine and Aline's relationship had to end. She wanted more than what I was willing to give her. Then came the therapy I was talking about which has helped a lot. I did have a bit of a setback with our conversation and then when I beat the shit out of Sebastian though. Still gotta make up for that one, not really sure how." Clary seriously wondered what the hell that had to do with their situation and where the hell he was going with this whole thing. Why had he let his guilt break up his relationship?
"Back to the point. Izzy came to get me after I punched Bash and that was the night she told me that Simon had asked you to marry him. She failed to tell me however, that you said no. I lost it and took off for a few months, headed up to Seattle and just lived in solitude on the Sound. It was time I really needed to think. I used the hours alone for self reflection and to really think about what's important to me in life. I heard you on the radio one morning, talking about Little Bits and it was just another thing, Clary. Just one more thing out of the many." She gave him a confused look. He couldn't possibly be saying what she thought he was saying, could he? This was not happening to her.
"God, I'm obviously shit at this," he muttered to himself before looking at her pleadingly. "I'm still in love with you Clary; so, so in love with you and I know I have no right to be but I can't help how I feel. I want you back in my life. After almost 4 months by myself, that's what I got. I tried to talk myself out of telling you so many times but then when I heard about you and Simon...and you deserve the truth, for once I can at least give you that."
By the time Jace finished his last sentence, Clary was about ready to burst with fury. How dare he come back after all this time and casually ask her back. Almost like a yes was a foregone conclusion. What on earth would make him think that she wanted him anywhere near her life, just because she was single again? Really? As if he was the only other option?
"Are you insane?" She whisper-screeched, trying not to draw too much attention to them. "You have some nerve showing up out of the blue because you did some thinking and decided you all the sudden can't live without me. I mean...huh, the shit that goes through your head. I am so mad at you right now but I'm also so fucking dumbfounded by everything that just came out of your mouth that I don't even know how to begin to respond."
"Take your time. I want everything on the table."
Clary sat there in silence, trying to organize her thoughts. She really was questioning his sanity but damn, the audacity of this man. Did he just think what he wanted and needed was more important than what everyone else did? They were in a public place and she wanted to keep it that way so this would need to remain a civil conversation. She needed to think and speak about the situation calmly and rationally. She thought for a moment and took a deep breath.
"First, you're telling me you're in love with me. You don't know me, Jace. We haven't been together since college. I'm not that girl anymore."
"You're still you. I can hear you, when you're giving interviews, when I see you on TV. When I'm with you now. I hear my Clary in there. I know you're not totally the same but what I do know, I already love and what I don't, well...there's nothing I'm more excited to do than learn who that person is."
"Besides that, Jace. You left me with trust issues a mile long. I find out now that you "supposedly" didn't ever cheat on me but there were almost 9 years where I didn't know that. 9 years of insecurities that you helped perpetuate. You're 31 years old and you're still breaking women's hearts...it doesn't matter that it was because you couldn't stop thinking about me. What happens when it's the next girl and I'm in Aline's shoes?"
"That would never happen."
"You don't know that. And more importantly, I don't know that and I probably never will. I can't trust you, Jace. I don't even know if that's something you can get back as a friend let alone someone I see romantically."
"Well then be my friend. Can you do that? I don't seem to have a lot of those around here and I kind of punched out the best one I had in the world."
Clary studied him intently. She figured she could try the occasional phone call. It's not like she had to see him and spend time with him. He lived on the opposite coast but she didn't want to commit to something and end up getting hurt again. Then she would have gotten his hopes up only to let him down and despite how pissed she was, she wasn't intentionally cruel.
"I don't know if that's a good idea. I think our time has passed, Jace. Why try to revive something that's been dead for so long?"
"Because you are the sun, Clary, and I've been living in perpetual darkness for 9 years. I need your warmth and your light back, I know I don't deserve it but please let me bask, just a little.
She felt like it was all going to end in disaster and everything in her was telling her to go into self-preservation mode but what harm could those few phone calls a year do? Potentially a lot it seemed. She wasn't sure she was ready to consider letting her past interfere with the life she'd built for herself.
"I don't know, Jace. Once again, this is about what you want, what you need but I was doing just fine with my life before my past, namely you, decided to make everything messy. I'm not trying to be rude but if you want to make it about me and you want to be my friend, it's gonna have to be on my terms. I just don't think that's possible right now. I need time. Once I've had that time, I'll call you and we can talk about it but until then, I'm just not comfortable with this. You're in my space and I need it back. It'll be easier when you're back home.
Jace looked at her sheepishly.
"What? What is it?"
"I don't live in LA anymore, Clary. I'm opening a new branch of SMFI in New York. I'm here indefinitely so you won't have to go far to find me." He handed her a card with his address on it. She stared at it in disbelief as it was only a few blocks away from her house. Why did shit like this happen to her?
Clary looked at Jace with barely contained anger. Her emotions were all over the place. Surprise, rage, overwhelming confusion. She was used to order and she didn't like how much everything with Jace had already affected her. This had turned into a lot more than she'd bargained for. She felt like he was forcing himself on her and there was no way to stop it from happening so she said the first civil thing that came to mind.
"Well, at least Alec and Gracie will get their fill of you now."
"It will be nice to see them more often but I'll seriously miss Izzy and Max, even though I don't get to see him all that much."
"It's definitely a trade off." Clary looked at her phone, checking the time and realizing it was already going on 9:15. She started gathering her Jacket and bag and laid some money on the table for her meal. "Listen Jace, I need some time to process. Please just give me some space. I promise I'll think about all this but right now, I need to go."
"Oh, yeah, okay. Take whatever time you need." She nodded.
"I'll talk to you sometime soon," she said before walking to the door and exiting the restaurant without so much as a glance behind her.