Just a little story written for the best girl. Happy birthday, Umi! (3/15)
Umi pulled her scarf closer so that it covered her mouth. She was grateful that her father had insisted on bringing one when she told him she was going back to Japan. After grabbing her bags, she exited the airport, debating on whether or not she should take a taxi back home. It was already late; the sun was already in its first stages of setting. But… No, she decided. After all, she wasn't going to head home first. There was another stop she wanted to make.
Nostalgia filled the bluenette as she walked through the city, a smile finding its way onto her face. How long had it been? Two years? Kotori would be coming back to Japan for Christmas, so she would get to see her soon. She looked forward to seeing the other members of her old idol group as well. But there was just one issue… Umi took out her phone and pressed the button to light up the screen. It was a picture of her, Honoka, and Kotori, the ginger squeezed between the two while making double peace signs. She wanted to smile and laugh at the picture, but she felt a churning in her stomach.
When her father had gotten the opportunity to teach martial arts overseas, she had been ecstatic and even more so when he offered to take her with him along with a opportunity for her to study abroad. It was never going to be a permanent thing, but the time did fly, and it turned into an entire two years. She had kept in contact with her friends for those two years, of course. She had even told all of them that she was coming back the day before. All except for one.
It was probably partially her fault, she thought. But what was she to do? She never expected Honoka to confess to her when they graduated. Of course, Umi accepted her feelings. Honoka had been the subject of her love for as long as she could remember, but she had repressed those feelings, figuring she would never have a chance with the energetic ginger. So, when Honoka confessed, she jumped at the opportunity. That was all fine and well. The issue came afterwards.
Despite her newfound love, Umi had decided that she would still be going to America with her father. Not only did she want to help him, she would also be attending a great university while she was there. So, she had told Honoka. The ginger was heartbroken, and it hurt Umi all the more to see the ginger trying to smile in the days up to her departure. If Honoka was already feeling like that, how would last with the bluenette in a different country.
Maybe it was the wrong thing to do. Maybe that would end up being the sole thing that Umi would regret for the rest of her life. But she decided to break up with the ginger before leaving. It was the right thing to do for both of them, she thought. Honoka would be miserable dating over such a long distance, she was far too reliant on a physical connection. It would only be a matter of time before the stress got to them and they fought and who knows where that would have led. So Umi told her that she wanted to break up. It hadn't been a mutual breakup. There were tears, many of them, from both girls that night. Umi hoped the ginger would understand, but Honoka had just begged and begged. It really shattered Umi's heart, but she knew she had to stick to her guns on that one.
"I hate you, Umi-chan! If you're going, then don't come back!"
Those were the last words she heard from Honoka two years ago. They stung worse than she ever could have imagined words could. And it stung more knowing that she couldn't blame the ginger for saying them. They were the result of her decision and only hers. The fault lied completely with her. In the two years she spent studying abroad and helping her father, she had not so much as heard a word from her best friend. Kotori had been there for her, but she found it hard to talk to Kotori about how she was feeling when Umi would hear her talk about how happy her and Nico were together. Kotori wasn't trying to hurt her or rub it in her face of course. The ash-grey haired girl had even asked Umi if she would prefer it if she didn't talk about her and Nico's relationship. But Umi wouldn't do that to her. Even if it hurt, she was always still happy to know that her other best friend was doing so well.
Updates on Honoka had been scarce to say the least. She was sure that the ginger had told all their friends not to speak about her to Umi because the entire group seemed hesitant to when Umi would inquire about her. Once again, she only blamed herself for that. Kotori had told her a few things. After the first year, Honoka's mood seemed to improve a lot, at least from Kotori's perspective which was only through video calls and text. Nozomi had been generous enough to leak similar information to her. For a while, the ginger seemed miserable whenever they would meet up as a group. Then misery turned into a fake smile which eventually turned back into that wonderful genuine smile that she had fallen in love with. Umi figured she should be glad. That probably meant the ginger had gotten over her in their time apart. It was bound to happen after two years of not seeing each other. And if it meant Honoka had become cheerful again, then it was good.
So then why, Umi wondered, did it hurt so much to think about?
Did she really have a right to be upset when she had been the one to break things off between them? She had spent many nights with tear-filled eyes thinking about that, imagining Honoka with another girl, happier than she ever could have been with the bluenette. Part of her regretted ever going abroad but she knew that it wouldn't have been a good idea to let Honoka hold her back. If she did, the ginger would have been just as hurt. The last thing she needed was for Honoka to think that she was burden. That wasn't what she wanted at all. And that was part of the reason why she had broken their just-blooming relationship off.
Darkness had settled over the city, but it was still alive, perhaps even brighter than during the day. Every building had lights on it, trying to attract the nighttime crowd. Highschoolers still ran about, trying to get in the last of their break before school started once again. It was comforting being back there. It felt so different from where she had stayed in America, but it was a homely feeling, one that let her know Japan was welcoming her back with open arms.
Her nostalgic smile slowly faded into a frown as she neared her destination. The streets were much less populated around her now. The moon hung overhead, shining an ominous light down on her as if foreshadowing what was to come. A buzz in her pocket made her jump but she quickly fished her phone out. A single text showed on her screen.
'Do your best!'
From Kotori.
Umi smiled and sent a short thanks to the girl before pocketing her phone again. Gods knew she would need as much luck as she could manage. That churning in her stomach returned as she stopped outside the Homura Bakery. A sign signaling that they were closed hung on the front door. But a light was on in a room upstairs, a room she was so familiar with, that she had spent much time in with her two best friends. She took a deep shuddering breath.
Would Honoka even want to see her? Umi had every intention to apologize profusely and declare her love for the ginger, but she felt a creeping hesitation. Being in a relationship felt so far off when she was unsure if they could even rekindle some kind of friendship. And that was if Honoka didn't just slam the door in her face. It felt scary to know she wouldn't be able to blame her if she did. She would deserve it. She had no right to come crawling back asking for forgiveness.
A cold sweat started down her back and pulled her scarf closer didn't make her feel any warmer. After a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down, she approached the door. She was able to muster enough courage in that one moment to quickly knock on the door three times. And then silence. Everything except for her own shaky breaths was silent. And then a slight patter of feet.
"Coming!"
That was just like Honoka, to yell that out even at night. Umi almost smiled at the voice. Almost. If she wasn't so nervous, she was sure that she would have broken into a large smile but with every step that she heard, the tighter her chest felt. That tightness reached its peak as the door slid open. Umi was surprised by the ginger that appeared in front of her. Long messy orange hair fell down to waist length, it looked like she had just jumped out of bed. She wore a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt with the name of what Umi could only assume was some idol group on it. She had definitely… grown in some places over the least two years. Umi tried to keep her eyes fixated on those pools of blue and not on the larger breasts or fuller hips. Honoka had definitely kept working out after they separated. Her body was in top shape, even better than when they were doing their idol activities.
"Ah…" Umi's head immediately snapped back up to meet eyes with the ginger. "Umi-chan…" She could already see it, the conflicted feelings swirling in the blue. That uncertainty returned tenfold.
Say something, Umi!
"H-Honoka." Umi stuttered the name out and bit her lip. After coming all this way, she could just barely squeeze out the love of her life's name? She had to say something. Apologize, that's what she came to do, right. "Honoka, I…" To Umi's credit, she was doing her absolute best not to burst into tears and just beg the ginger to take her back. But holding back meant that she was just barely holding herself together. Even though she had practiced so many times what she would say to the girl when she saw her again, it all caught in her throat.
"Honoka?" Another voice made Umi jump, her heart kicking into overdrive. Honoka turned and they both watched as an auburn-haired girl that the bluenette had never seen before made tentative steps down the stairs. "Sorry, I got curious, who's at the… door?" The girl tilted her head at the bluenette before making her way down the remaining stairs and over to the door to stand next to Honoka. "Ah, you must be Sonoda-san, right?"
"Eh? T-That's right… Um, do I know you?" Umi felt something terrible rising in her chest. It burned through her, creating a hole that she was sure would never be filled. This girl… Was she… the reason Honoka smiled now? That thought stuck in her mind, but it was something she would never be able to ask out loud.
"I'm Sakurauchi Riko." She gave a polite bow. "Honoka's…"
Umi held up a hand to stop her and Riko blinked in surprise. She didn't want to hear it. She couldn't. Hearing it would make it real and it would shatter what remained of her heart that already felt like it was falling apart. That feeling was threatening to take her over. Feelings of regret flooded her chest and threatened to overflow. No, they were overflowing. It took her a moment to notice her vision being distorted by tears that poured down her cheeks.
"E-Eh? U-Um, did I… say something wrong?" Riko was taken aback by the tears. Of course she would be though, Umi thought. Who wouldn't think it was weird if some girl you just met started crying in front of you?
Now panicking fully, Umi rubbed at her eyes with her sleeve, but new tears replaced the old ones and she felt herself sobbing now, her breath hitching every few seconds as she struggled to regain control over herself. Why was she crying? Why did she feel that way? It was her fault. Of course Honoka would find somebody else, somebody who could be there for her, somebody who would never leave her behind. Umi internally cursed at herself for being such an idiot. Why would she even think that she would have a chance with the ginger after leaving her like that? Hell, she hadn't even tried to give a long-distance relationship a chance. She thought she was doing the right thing for Honoka. But in the end… was there no other result than this?
"U-Umi-chan, I…"
Umi turned away. She couldn't look into those blue eyes, she didn't want to see the sympathy, didn't want to hear words of apology or whatever might come. In fight or flight, she liked to think that fight would usually win with her but not when it came to her love life.
"I'm… sorry…" She managed to get out, her voice just above a whisper, before taking off into the night, not even bothering to drag her bag along. She heard something, a voice calling out, but she just shook her head. Tears filled her vision and if she wasn't so familiar with the are even after two years abroad, she surely would have been lost. But she kept running, not really sure where she wanted to go. But her feet brought her to the nearest park, one she felt like she knew too well, the park where Honoka had taken her after their graduation to confess.
Why? Why of all the places did her legs bring her there? Umi could feel her heart breaking all over again, the memories of that time flooding back in, the first kiss that she had shared with the ginger in this very park that day. She wanted so desperately to scream her frustrations out, to scream about how much of an idiot she had been. But she knew it would pointless. Why bother? In the end, she had screwed up. That's all there was to it. As she came to some sort of inner compromise, the tears stopped flowing and she took a deep breath. Now she would have some explaining to do. What the hell was she supposed to tell Honoka after that?
"Dammit!" Umi slammed her fist into a bar of the jungle gym. The pain did little to distract her from the emotional turmoil within her. Why did she even bother coming back? If she knew things were going to turn out like this, she would have stayed in America. Maybe she had been prepared to be rejected, but to see Honoka with another girl as soon as she got back… it felt like her feelings had been spit on. She wanted to text Kotori, to text Nozomi, to ask them what she should do but… it just felt wrong to rely on someone else in that moment.
"Umi-chan!" The voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she turned, just barely, just enough to catch a glimpse of her ginger friend, breathing heavily and walking towards her. Umi cursed under her breath as tears started flowing again, forcing her to turn back to the jungle gym. "Umi-chan, it's not…"
"It's okay, Honoka." Umi choked out, the ginger stopping in her tracks. "It was my fault. I was an idiot… thinking I could just come back and try to fix everything." Tears pooled at her feet, her voice came out shaky. Why was she spilling all her feelings now? It was pointless. She should have pretended to be fine and maybe, just maybe, she could have come up with a believable excuse. But no. There was no way she could lie to the ginger's face. "I-I… I was the one… who left you behind. It… I shouldn't… I shouldn't have reacted that way." Umi rubbed furiously at her eyes but the tears poured out with her feelings. Why did she have to cry like this in front of Honoka?
She could hear Honoka taking a deep breath. "I won't lie to you, Umi-chan. It hurt… It really did. I cried and cried. And I sulked like a big baby for so long, thinking it was unfair. I talked to Nozomi-chan after… and she made me think, just maybe, you were right. Maybe… Maybe I would have fallen apart not being able to see you. Maybe we would have fought. Maybe, in the end, we would have broken up, in a terrible way, with both of us crying."
"That…!" Umi clutched her hands into fists at her side, squeezing so tightly her fingers started to turn white. "That's why… I… At the least… I wanted you to be happy, Honoka. If… If being with me while I was away would only cause you misery… then I had to stop it there. So, please…!"
Umi started but lost her voice when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her stomach. The world stopped for just a moment. She felt something wet on her back and felt the arms of the girl she loved shaking. Was Honoka crying? She didn't have the luxury of time to think about that when the ginger's voice rose.
"My happiness is my happiness! Even if you were away, my idiot self would have to deal with it! So don't tell me what would make me happy! My…" Honoka choked on her words and her arms tightened around the bluenette. "My happiness… is you, you idiot…" Umi sucked in her breath and felt a new wave of tears falling down her cheeks. "It was so painful… not talking to you… I-I… I wanted, I needed you… your voice, your words…" She could feel Honoka taking a shaky breath. "Even if you broke up with me… as long as I could talk to you, as long as we could be friends, I'd be fine… I just… I wanted you to trust me. I wanted you to believe that I could help make it work. When you broke up with me it… it just felt like you gave up… on me, on us, so quickly. I thought, 'was there even a reason to confess.' It felt like you threw away something I treasured."
Try as she might, Umi felt the shards of her heart slipping through her fingers as she desperately tried to put it back together. Honoka was right. She was completely right. Umi hadn't even given her a chance. She hadn't believed in the girl she loved so much. Instead, she had thrown away what might have been their only chance at having a relationship all because she refused to even give her a chance. Umi almost laughed at how stupid she had been to do something like that. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. In the two years, she definitely felt miserable, but at the same time, she covered up that misery with thoughts that Honoka might be happy, might have forgotten about her in that time.
"I…" Umi bit her lip. "I'm sorry… You're right. I didn't believe in you, I didn't even you a chance… I didn't give us a chance. I thought… I thought, maybe, you could just forget about me. Two years is a long time, after all. I hoped that… maybe you could find a different happiness in our time apart."
Honoka spun the girl around, grabbing her shoulders tightly. Umi felt a crushing weight on her chest as she looked into those pools of blue that she fallen in love with, those pools of blue that were now overflowing with tears.
"That's not how that works! I won't find happiness without you because you always have been my happiness! Without you at my side I… I don't know… I don't know what I would have done all these years! You gave me the courage to do anything I put my mind to! Even if it was something stupid, you stuck by me until the end, you stopped me when I was in danger, you… you were always there, Umi-chan…" Honoka took a deep breath and shook her head once again, trying in vein to stop the tears. "I could never forget about you. Not a day passed in the last two years where I didn't think of how much I loved you… how much I still love you. No matter how much time passes, I'll never be able to forget these feelings, Umi."
She paused, searching for some way to tell how the bluenette was thinking in her eyes, but saw only a weak, guilty look, but maybe with just a bit of hope mixed in. "Despite what I said… I didn't blame you. And I still don't. Not for leaving the country and not for leaving me. I know you did what you thought was best for me. You always do. That's just one of the countless things I love about you. I don't want you to think that my feelings are so thin, so fragile, that they can be broken just by two years, by one fight."
"H-Honoka…" Umi felt her breath catching in her throat. She wasn't sure what to say. Honoka loved her. She still loved her! Even after the pain that Umi put her through, the ginger still loved her all the same! Umi felt a wave of relief wash over her, drowning out all the sorrow, the guilt, the misery she had felt the past two years. No matter what, Honoka continued to be the amazing girl she fell in love with so many years ago.
"So…" Honoka finally released one of the bluenette's shoulders to wipe away her tears and this time her face stayed clean of them. "Maybe this isn't the right time or maybe it is. But I don't think I'll get another chance." That bright smile, the one Umi had yearned to see again for so long, blessed the ginger's face. "I love you, Umi-chan. I always have, for so many years. Will you go out with me?"
A whole new set of tears overflowed from Umi's eyes, but these were tears of happiness. The elation she felt in her chest overwhelmed her. Warmth filled her entire being at the words, the words she had wanted to hear again, the words that she had feared she never would hear again. All the feelings of the last two years were swept away in an instant, her love for the girl in front of her the only feeling remaining. She laughed out loud this time, making the ginger blink in surprise. How stupid had she been? Why would she ever doubt such an amazing person? This was Honoka. Her Honoka.
Umi leaned forward, pressing her forehead against the ginger's, a big smile breaking out on her face. "Of course I will, idiot… I love you too, Honoka… so much."
For a moment, both girls just stared into each other's eyes, letting the mutual feeling of love settle in, letting the warmth of each other's breath calm them down. Honoka reached up, gently cupping Umi's face and searched her eyes for approval. Umi felt her heart melting but nodded, closing her eyes and leaning forward even more. Honoka pulled back just briefly before coming back in. Umi shook a bit when the warm, moist sensation of her lover's lips on her own registered. It was bliss. It was a show of just how stupid she had been for doubting her. Everything felt right in that moment; she was together with Honoka, kissing her. What more did she need in life?
It was a brief kiss and Honoka was the first to pull back, giggling as Umi opened her eyes. "You're so cute, Umi-chan." She reached up and wiped the last of Umi's tears away with a finger. "My cute Umi-chan." She giggled again and wrapped her arms around the bluenette in a tight hug, one that Umi eagerly returned.
"Forever yours, Honoka."
It was well into the night by the time the two had fully settled down. They sat on one of the park benches, their hands together, fingers intertwined, staring up at the stars in the night sky. It was peaceful, a calm, comfortable silence had settled over them. There was really nothing else to say. They had gotten their feelings out and accepted each other's feelings.
"Oh!" Honoka sat up straight. "I almost forgot!" Umi tilted her head at her lover. "You ran away because you thought Riko-chan and I were dating, right?"
Umi stuttered a bit, a blush rising to her cheeks and she looked away. "W-What else am I supposed to think…? I don't see you for two years and the when I do, I see you at home getting comfortable with another girl…"
Honoka laughed heartily at that. "You're so cute when you're jealous Umi-chan!" She leaned in and planted a quick peck on the bluenette's cheek. "But Riko-chan is just my partner for a project in my marketing class. We were going to try and finish it up today, so we were going to try and pull an all-nighter. Then you knocked and now we're here."
"O-Oh…" Umi felt like a complete idiot for running away in the face of the redhead now. "I-I'm sorry, I overreacted… I'll have to apologize to her as well…"
Honoka gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright. Riko-chan encouraged me to run after you anyways. I might have confided in her a bit, ahaha. It was hard to keep everything inside, after all."
"S-Sorry I made you feel like that…"
"Don't worry about it. I'm... sorry too. For what I said when you left. I could never hate you, Umi-chan. But now's not the time for apologies anymore." Honoka leaned her head on Umi's shoulder, closing her eyes and just taking in the feeling of being next to her lover. "Neither of us will have to feel like that ever again. After all, from now on, we'll be together forever."
Umi couldn't help but smile at the girl's words and how much warmth they filled her with. She let her head rest against her girlfriend's and let out a long, content sigh.
"Mm. Forever. I love you, Honoka."
"I love you too, Umi-chan."
I hope you all enjoyed!
Remember to celebrate Umi's birthday as well!
Till next time. Be seeing you.