Summary: Just one week at Hogwarts, and already Umbridge has decided for a way to expose Harry Potter's lies. Which better way was there than performing the good old soul song spell in front of every single person at school and some members of the ministry including the minister for magic himself? Umbridge doesn't know what she's getting herself into. AU, ONESHOT
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. Neither do I own the songs played in it.
Trigger warning: Mentions of child abuse
"Good morning students of Hogwarts!" Umbridge announced in her usual high-pitched, fake sweet voice after 3 little throat-clearing coughs to get the Great Hall's attention. "I have a highly important announcement to make. Not paying attention will not do!"
She was in an extraordinarily good mood today, which was not surprising, considering that most of the school was now aware of the power she held over them.
This was the faithful day of September 8th when Educational Degree 23 had been revealed to the whole wizarding world. The day, Dolores Jane Umbridge's power as Hogwarts High Inquisitor became publicly known.
Umbridge was practically glowing with pride and glee, which made most people believe this was to be a thank-you speech or another one of her changes-at-hogwarts-are-priority talks. There were some who had learned to generally be wary when it came to the pink toad.
But not even those could have expected what was to follow.
"As I am certain most of you have heard, I have now publicly assumed my position as your High Inquisitor." There was a pause for applause that no one seemed to get. Umbridge was unfazed by it, though. "And as a first step in my position, the minister and I think it is in the best interest of all parties concerned if the 'canticum meam' test is reintroduced to our school this year." There were a few gasps amongst the students, but most only wore frowns.
When the murmurs of agitated conversations started to rise, Umbridge decided to stop her dramatic pause in the way she liked most, "Hem, hem. There is no need for an uproar. 'Canticum meam' is a commonly used procedure to determine one's true colours, state of mind and past. It is the song of the soul and there is no hoodwink or way to trick it. It shows us only absolute truth about a person."
Instead of calming the students, this managed to cause further agitation. It was possible to grab the hall's attention through her throat-clearing, only because everyone was keen on information. "Especially during times of uncertainty, this procedure sheds light to some of our errors of judgment. You have nothing to fear if your soul is clear and you have nothing to hide." She chuckled sweetly at the end of that sentence. She continued before another wave of conversation could begin, "It will take place in the Great Hall starting tomorrow at 8:00. Lessons will be cancelled during that time. Participation is compulsory."
And with that, Umbridge took her seat again and proceeded eating her breakfast. She was the only one.
"Songs instead of school? Finally, Hogwarts has set its priorities." Ron said, not grasping how serious this was.
"Didn't you listen?" Hermione asked urgently. "It is not just ANY song. It is your soul song."
"So what?" Ron said defensively. "Then people will know how I am. Nothing new. Everyone already knows me."
"Really?" Hermione asked pointedly. "Do they know every single feeling or thought you ever had? Or how you feel about everything that has ever happened to you?"
"Oh…" Ron paled now.
"The 'canticum meam' spell shows us every layer of who you are. It might even make a song about something you are not too proud of or about feelings you'd like to keep hidden. There is a reason why it was cancelled. Some songs caused mass bullying, fights and even suicide. It only serves to make the school more fragmented." She glared up at the staff table.
For the first time today, she realized that staff members weren't only grave because of the inspections through Umbridge that were to follow. No, the grim and exhausted air about them must have come from this.
"That bloody toad-faced bitch." She said under her breath.
Ron blinked up at her in surprise, "Did you just…?"
"Yes Ronald, I know those words too." She continued in an angry voice, "I cannot believe the ministry allows this. This is a major breach of privacy. There must be-"
"Where are you going mate?" Ron asked Harry, who had abruptly stood up. He looked very pale and somehow shaky.
"Nothing… I have to go… potions homework." And he left the Great Hall, desperately trying not to attract attention to himself, which was luckily easier than other times, since most were animatedly discussing the soul song spell.
"Poor Harry." Hermione said sorrowfully.
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Snape is even worse when you forget your homework."
"Ron," Her lecturing voice made him wince. "Didn't you see how upset he was?"
"Yeah, well…"
"And don't say it's because of potions. We didn't even have homework for today!" She exclaimed, exasperated.
"Oh…oh… d'you think I should go after him?"
"No, I think it's best if we give him space for a while. This whole procedure is after all only here to expose him." She glared at Professor Toad again, hoping to burn off her head.
"But isn't it a good thing then?" Ron asked hopefully. "If this shows us the truth, maybe they will finally believe him."
"But at what cost?" Hermione shook her head sadly. "We all have things we don't want anyone to find out and with Harry who is already famous, everyone will talk about it. If nobody even knows who you are it might be forgotten more easily. But Harry is under a lot more scrutiny."
For once, Ron pitied Harry for being famous.
CM
The rest of the day passed almost normally.
There was a lot of excitement and agitation amongst the students. Most of them didn't completely grasp what the consequences of such a procedure could be and were excited and curious if a bit nervous.
Contrary to that, Harry looked like he wanted nothing more than to disappear and never come back. The glances people gave him seemed all the worse now. He was even more skittish and quiet than he usually was.
His friends were getting increasingly worried about him. He didn't eat or talk. He didn't even argue with Umbridge in Defense. The usual Harry would have protested in anger and defiance against the unjust procedure being forced on them like Hermione and Ron did.
Even the anger Harry had exhibited lately was better than this… downtrodden and empty persona. It was more worrying and harder to deal with.
"I found something!" Hermione exclaimed in triumph. It was after dinner and all three of them were in the library looking for more information about 'canticum meam'. It was unsurprisingly Hermione who had found something first. "The spell isn't merely a soul song. I don't even know why it got that name…" Ron gestured for her to hurry up and continue. "Right. It can apparently be a song about past or present experiences and feelings and state of minds. It doesn't even have to be in chronological order. So, it's more about what you've experienced, thought or felt than what your soul is like."
She rolled her eyes. "It was even heavily criticised by many wizards and witches because of that. The only reason why it retained its name is, because that is the only way the incantation works properly due…" Both Ron and Harry wore rather bored expressions, their eyes telling her how uninterested they were and urging her to get on with what was really important. "Anyway, the song can be about you, from your point of view or directed at you somehow, but only when it calls your name… it can literally be about anything concerning you and in many different formats…" She frowned. "No one knows how exactly it is determined."
This made them even more nervous. They couldn't do anything about it. They were caged, forced to do something they couldn't do anything about.
In detention later, after some smug remarks of Umbridge, Harry welcomed the pain the blood quill brought to him. Pain, he could deal with. It distracted him from all the negative emotions swirling around in his head.
He was writing a lot faster and probably losing more blood than any other time. But Harry found he didn't care. He knew what to expect here. He didn't know about tomorrow.
He just hoped it didn't show what he feared the most…
CM
When the trio entered the Great Hall the next morning, the excitement of the student body had reached an all time high. It didn't help that the minister and three other ministry officials were present, sitting at the staff table.
At 8:00, after a breakfast many were too excited to enjoy, Umbridge cleared her throat and introduced the guests.
"This is our wonderful minister Cornelius Fudge, as you all know," Umbridge smiled at him. "On his sides are Aurors John Dawlish and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Don't be disconcerted, they are only here for the minister's and your protection." She explained sweetly. "Our last guest is Amelia Bones, Head of Magical Law Enforcement. She is here to ensure that everything here passes legally. Even though there's no need for that." She smiled sweetly. "Only the truth will come to light.
"The four heads of houses will cast the spells, not depending on house, more as to prevent exhausting the magical power of one person. It is a powerful spell and I trust them to do it right."
Professors Flitwick, McGonagall, Snape and Sprout came to the front, still the same grim expression on their faces as yesterday. Snape was the only one who looked neutral.
"We will start with the seventh years and go down to the first years." She said as she took out a piece of parchment filled with names. She called the first one.
It quickly became clear that the information Hermione had found was completely accurate: You had no idea what would expect you. It seemed like the songs were chosen arbitrarily. It could be anything… From a song about loving life to a love confession that caused a lot of tears and drama, especially when the name of the person was mentioned.
The average seventh year had about 2 to 3 songs about them. The lyrics were floating around in the middle of the hall in unmistakable capital letters and Umbridge had installed a quill to write everything down, which made Harry even more nervous.
There was no escaping this. It was terribly unpredictable, even more so, since the list of names wasn't in alphabetical order. He had no idea when it would be him.
But Umbridge was merciless. She did everything to hurry the process along, keen to get dirt on him.
Well, Harry thought bitterly, you will, it's just not what you expect.
He had no idea what to do afterwards, if it showed what he wanted to hide the most. He would run away… but where? To Sirius… yes, he would somehow get to Grimmauld Place and hope no one would tell the animagus what the song was about… But-
His thoughts were interrupted by the voice he had come to hate the most. "Well, these were the seventh years, my dear students." She smiled at them all, as if the dramatic occurrences of the past 4 hours hadn't happened. "We will have a short lunch break until 12:30, we will proceed then."
"Now I get what you mean 'Mione." Ron gulped. "This is terrible…"
"Did you see that poor girl?" Hermione asked. "Her struggles with the way she looks were revealed just like that. This spell doesn't stop at insecurities or mental illnesses. It exposes EVERYTHING. This is worse than I had expected." She scowled at Umbridge again. "This is why it had been forbidden to do this spell in front of a massive amount of people. It can be humiliating when you're not ready. At least Madame Pomfrey's doing something about it." She looked at the Mediwitch who was calmly comforting a crying girl. "Too bad she can't leave the Great Hall to do more. Because someone locked it."
"Wait, the door is locked?" Harry asked in a fearful voice.
"Yeah, the toad locked it, mate." Ron said. "Remember that one boy that tried to escape? He was stuck."
"She can't do that!" Harry said in indignation. His only hope was a swift escape after humiliation.
"Yeah, but she's done pretty much everything by now." Ron shrugged. "This isn't the worst bit."
Agree to disagree, Ron, Harry thought, glancing around the hall in search of other escape routes.
"You didn't plan to run away after it, did you?" Hermione asked, a frown on her face. "Harry, we are your friends and we're here to comfort you."
"Yeah, whatever you're afraid of you can tell us." Ron added.
Harry felt a surge of happiness at having the best friends possible, he didn't deserve them. It strangely made him want to cry… wait…
"Are you okay, Harry?" Hermione asked in concern, taking his hand in hers. He tried to get rid of the tears in his eyes by wiping at them furiously. Ron patted his shoulder awkwardly.
Luckily, Harry had anticipated the touch and could prepare himself accordingly.
He cleared his throat, "Yeah," His shaky voice contradicted his statement, "I'm… just… glad you're my friends."
"Well, of course we are!" Ron said in confusion.
"Yes, you can tell us anything. No matter what you did wrong, we won't judge."
Harry shook his head, biting his lip. "I'm sorry… I trust you, but… You're gonna find out later anyway."
"Yeah, okay, I guess."
"We're going to be there for you after it comes out." Hermione promised. "No matter what."
"Yeah, but first we need food… I'm starving!" Ron said enthusiastically, already filling his plate.
"Yes, we should ALL eat." Hermione gave Harry a pointed look, which Harry had become an expert at ignoring. She had been nagging him about his eating habits for a while now.
But Harry just wasn't hungry… and he had other things to worry about, food wasn't one of them… Besides, his post-Dursley-stomach wouldn't be able to take much in anyway.
Now she was piling food on his plate again. Even though she knew he would barely touch it. "You need it." She would say.
But Harry had never needed it. He had grown up just fine without it.
Lunch went by pretty quietly after that – if you didn't pay attention to Ron's chewing noises.
All three of them were nervous about what was to come next.
They all knew that it would probably be their turn today, especially Harry's. It was clear that that was all Umbridge wanted and she wouldn't have it delayed.
"Hem, hem," Umbridge got the attention of the students. "Let us continue with the sixth years." She was obviously becoming more and more excited.
There were about 30 6th years… About as many as 7th years… So, it would probably take around 4 hours too.
Harry could try not to jump out of his seat and try to break down the doors until then. But afterwards… depending on how it would turn out, he probably would. This schoolyear he felt… unstable. After a summer of anguish, more hate and contempt made him feel lost and not in control of himself…
He shook his head. He couldn't think about all those suppressed feelings. That would probably make it more likely that one of his songs would be about them. Think happy thoughts Harry, he chanted to himself. Easier said than done.
And even the number of songs wasn't determined. This was the fourth song of the girl who was up front right now. Maybe he could distract himself with happy thoughts if he payed attention.
(superchick - courage)
… time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
A woman's voice sang, completely fitting with what Harry imagined the teary-eyed girl's voice to sound like.
…changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm okay
And for a moment…
Harry felt an enormous pang of sympathy for the girl standing up front. Her private issues were being exposed, having to endure 4 songs about them. It was supposed to be private! Her own business, but Umbridge had taken it away from her.
And the toad was watching this without batting an eye, an impatient expression on her face.
The minister looked like he bit into a sour lemon, but it was the sour lemon he chose to swallow, damnit!
Harry felt a sudden surge of anger and guilt… All these students had to go through this just because of Harry! Because Umbridge wanted to get to him! It was his fault!
Before Umbridge could call the next name, Harry stood up abruptly, causing the whole hall to look at him.
"Harry…" Hermione whispered. "The door is locked, remember…" But Harry was too determined to listen. He was walking up towards the head table.
"Mr. Potter!" Umbridge exclaimed. "I do not recall calling your name, in fact -"
"Don't pretend you're doing this for any other reason than to humiliate me, or as you call it 'showing the truth'! Well, I don't care anymore! Just do it and get it over with!" It would be his turn sometime anyway and if he could save other people pain by this, he would do it.
"I will not have you speak to me like this. De - "
"You can give me as many detentions as you want, but I want to do this before you force any other people to humiliate themselves!" Harry said angrily. "Besides, if you don't let me do it now, I might not be able to do it today and some concerned parents might want this whole procedure to stop after they hear what happens here…"
Umbridge thought about it for a moment, then said, "As you wish Mr. Potter, but I will be performing the spell." She smirked as if that would change everything. Harry just shrugged and went up to her, the anger and determination still burning in his eyes as he looked straight into hers.
Everyone seemed to hold their breaths. It was the moment of truth, the moment of confrontation of two fighting parties.
"Canticum Maem!" Umbridge said with as much power in both her magic and voice as she could muster.
The brightest and strongest surge of white light left her wand, sailing straight towards Harry's chest with a force that should have made him stumble. But Harry stood his ground. He would protect all those people who would be hurt if he didn't do this. The white light surged to his entire being, seemingly filtering through it. It was a very uncomfortable feeling.
Then it wandered to the middle of the Great Hall and the music started playing; a piano. After a few beats, a raspy male voice started singing.
(Faydee feat miracle - unbreakable)
Times like this, I wish I never existed
Nobody wants to listen
I'm screaming out for help…
Harry was the only one looking annoyed at this statement. This was probably still from his time at the Dursleys'.
The others seemed to be rather shocked. And looked at him more closely, as if they would find a cry for help written on his face. Hermione took Ron's hand in hers to have something to hold onto. Ron was too focused on the song to do anything about it.
…But then there's you
Standing over me, tryna make a fool of me
Tryna get the best of me
Harry glared at Umbridge now, just to ensure that everyone thought this song was directed at her. Though he wasn't so sure it was… It could be Dudley too. In the past.
Oh, then there's you
Tryna shut me out, tryna kick me when I'm down
That ain't gonna stop me now, no
Hermione smiled wearily; this was more like the Harry she knew.
How does it feel to know that I don't care at all?
Your words don't mean a thing at all
I chose to rise, you chose to fall
The defiant gleam in Harry's eyes underlined that statement. It was easy to imagine him singing that at that exact moment. To the people who believed Harry, the song wasn't surprising all in all. Only those who doubted him were shocked that such a song was actually sincerely what Harry believed and that Umbridge was apparently some kind of bully to Harry.
But he could still be lying about everything else.
…Every time you came around
My feet are steady on the ground
And you won't knock me down…
Only Snape saw that the song seemed to be talking about long term bullying rather than a week's worth of it. Or maybe it was just Potter's self-absorbed way of seeing the world, making it sound like it was longer than it actually was. He sneered at the thought.
…I'm making up the reasons
Not to tell a soul
Even Harry had no idea what exactly the song was talking about. It could be a mixture of both. His defiance of Umbridge today, mingled with the bad times with Dudley's gang.
Umbridge and the minister were impatiently waiting for this song to be over to find some dirt on Potter in the next one.
… Wouldn't accept that I was never accepted
Shed so many tears like I fell in depression
But if I changed, I wouldn't get called names
But it was all the same, I was feeling rejected…
So, this song wasn't talking about Umbridge. There were frowns appearing on the faces of the people in the Great Hall. This was proof that someone had bullied Harry for a long time, hurting him.
Snape strangely felt like he could identify with that part of the song. He was surprised that Potter had ever been bullied, though if he considered the ever present defiance and protectiveness of others, which he had seen in action today, it wasn't surprising.
In that moment when he had stood up to Umbridge, he was… like Lily…
…Oho, oho, oho,
Now I'm unbreakable
Harry felt relieved when the song ended. Maybe he would be one of those few lucky people who only had one song played. There was quite some time in which most occupants of the Great Hall waited for another song to begin.
A song that would hopefully give them some answers.
Sadly, there really was another song. And Harry soon realised that, unlike with the song before, he now felt everything this one was about right away. That didn't make it any less terrible though.
For a few seconds the music was rather calm, but it was easy to feel that it was only the calm before a storm.
And when that storm came, it consisted of lyrics that changed everyone's opinion about Harry Potter.
(Linkin Park – Crawling)
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Harry looked away from the incredulous and pitying looks from the students, but the staff table wasn't much better, so he decided to look down and focus on one of his clenched fists… hoping that this hell would be over soon.
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Why did this match exactly how he'd been feeling lately? And why did the whole world have to know. This was so embarrassing…
Controlling
I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Well, at least there was no way anyone could call him arrogant anymore, Harry thought morosely.
Speaking of which, Snape seemed to be the only one who looked normal. His face was still as blank as always.
Harry almost smiled. This, at least, would never change. Despite everything else that was falling apart…
If Harry had known what was going on inside Snape's head, he probably would have cried.
Harry Potter was unconfident, not arrogant. Harry Potter was bullied, not a bully. Harry Potter had sacrificed himself for others' well-being, he wasn't selfish.
Snape felt like his whole carefully crafted view of Harry Potter was being destroyed. He wanted so badly to believe this was a lie, because that would mean he wouldn't have to go through getting to know Harry, just to be hurt again, like he had been with Lily. It was so much easier to hate him. But the 'canticum meam' never lied.
…Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
The boy-who-lived, insecure? The boy-who-lived, not finding himself? People couldn't believe what they were hearing but judging by Harry's embarrassed reaction it looked to be absolutely true.
"Oh, Harry…" Hermione whispered. "Why didn't we realise he was suffering so much from the consequences of last year?" She asked, thinking 'wounds' only stood for last year's events.
Ron just shook his head numbly, staring, transfixed at the lyrics.
…There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming (confusing what is real)
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling (confusing what is real)
When everyone thought (or hoped) nothing more shocking could happen, it did. In the form of the third song.
Well at least, this time the music didn't sound too aggressive, the guitar that played was kind of conversational. Maybe it wouldn't be half bad, finally a song about something happy.
As the other instruments joined in, Harry was pleased to hear that the music didnt suddenly turn depressing. Maybe the spell decided to spare him from revealing his most humiliating secrets.
(Suzanne Vega – Luka)
My name is Harry
I live in house number four
His hope lasted until the second line. Harry paled rapidly; Privet Drive could not be good.
I live right next to you
Yes, I think you've seen me before
He looked around for an escape route, but there wasn't one.
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was…
Maybe it wouldn't say anything explicit about what was going on.
Judging by the confused expressions on many students' faces, they didn't understand what this meant. What worried him was the dawning comprehension some people exhibited.
I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud,
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
Great, now he admitted to being crazy. Maybe people would go back to hating him now.
It would certainly be better than these curiously pitying looks he was getting.
I try not to act too proud
They only hit
(a collective gasp and mumblings)
until you cry
After that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
Fantastic, if anyone had had any doubts about what the song was about, they were gone now. And Harry wished he could disappear more than ever. Suddenly, he didn't feel like observing people's reactions anymore. They were too much to bear. This was the most embarrassing moment of his life and he wanted it to be over.
… don't argue anymore
Hermione and Ron were glancing between the lyrics, which were still there despite it only playing music at the moment, and Harry, who was examining his feet.
The whole part of the song that had already been sung, remained there, charmed so that everyone from everywhere could read it.
No matter how many times they read through it, they came to the same terrible conclusion, which made them want to rage (especially Ron) and cry (especially Hermione).
Yes, I think I'm okay
walked into the door again
If you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
Memories flashed before Harry's friends', teachers' or even acquaintances'eyes. The signs had been there.
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown
Just don't ask me how I am…
Even now, Harry thought, please don't ask me how I am.
My name is Harry
I live in house number four
I live right next to you…
Yes, I think you've seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
And they only hit until you cry
After that, you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
Harry glared at the lyrics once it didn't want to disappear even when the singing was done. It stayed there until the music ended.
Harry could feel eyes boring into him and just as he heard someone call his name, the fourth song started playing.
The average was 2 to 3 songs, but when had Harry ever had the pleasure to be normal?
Even though he should have expected it, he was still disappointed when it started playing. He hoped it would be a happy song, but then again Harry wasn't happy, so why should the song be?
The piano was playing again. Now, at least everyone was prepared for sadness.
Disappear (original lyrics on youtube)
Crowded room, everybody's
lookin now
This song seemed to capture his feelings at this moment.
Way too soon
People come rushing out
I'm okay, always I have been
Okay
Flashing lights
Hear the chatter in the wind
Hypnotized
Can you tell me where I am
He remembered feeling like that whenever people were staring at him or talking about him. Or even when they weren't…
I'm okay, always I have been
Okay
I feel my heart is beating
I feel my lungs are breathing
So why do I feel dead inside?
That was something that unnerved many people and caused whispers to spread throughout the hall.
Though I am undeserving
Your hands will give me mercy
Will you give me up, if I'm
Giving up?
Harry knew that he wasn't addressing a love interest like it may sound. It was the people he loved. Hermione, Ron and maybe even Sirius, but mostly his two best friends. He chanced a glance over at them and almost stumbled when he saw them already staring up at him with eyes filled with tears and…what was that? Affection? Sympathy? They were shaking their heads slightly in answer to the question the song asked. He couldn't help the tears that were slowly gathering in his eyes at their kindness.
It was so much harder to take than hate.
…Just let me disappear for a little while...
He looked away quickly, trying to blink away the tears. No matter how much his life was going down the drain, he could at least retain some dignity by not crying in front of the whole school. He would bawl his eyes out later on, while planning how to escape Hogwarts.
…Endless fights
Put it on stereo
Bleeding lies
Harry glared at the lyrics again… Umbridge would probably make a big deal out of this, even though it was perfectly clear that the song didn't mean the lies she thought he was telling.
… Just let me disappear for a little while…
He wished he could disappear for longer than just a little while at the moment.
It annoyed him that most of his songs made him look weak and like a coward… He could already see the headline of the next article in the Daily Prophet, 'The boy-who-lived deranged and unstable – time to save him a room in St. Mungos'
…Everything will be alright
I said everything will be alright
At least this song had a somewhat more positive outlook on life than the others, though Harry had no idea where it had come from. Not from him, that's for sure. This whole soul song fiasco had made him even more pessimistic and ready to just disappear and hide forever.
He felt weak and dizzy… All the adrenalin had left him now that it was over, and he suddenly felt the effects of not eating or drinking much for the past week or so… He just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up… for a while…
Why couldn't he hear what people were saying anymore? Their mouths were moving, but they didn't make a sound, there was only this peculiar ringing noise around him. And what was this whiteness doing here? Has someone recast the spell?
Please, don't make me go through that again, was his last thought before he welcomed unconsciousness with open arms.
After Harry had fallen to the floor, the whole Great Hall stood up, attempting to get a better look at him.
"Out of the way please!" Madame Pomfrey said, as she tried to make her way through the crowd. She had been at the Slytherin table, comforting the girl whose eating disorder had been revealed to the world.
When she arrived, Dumbledore and McGonagall were examining Harry. Or trying to do it without much medical experience.
She quickly cast a basic diagnostic charm that showed the cause for his fainting and screamed at Umbridge to open the door, while she levitated the poor boy outside. Umbridge was too intimidated by her anger to argue.
Once she left, many students followed her to the hospital wing, but she locked them out. She needed to work on things quietly.
And Harry probably wouldn't be happy if he woke up to find strangerscrowding him… They all knew how much he hated that now… Too bad that most people still didn't understand.
A few minutes later, Harry was in a stable condition and she was working on healing his bruised and broken ribs.
"How is he, Poppy…" Minerva trailed off when she saw the boy's battered upper body. The bruises and bones sticking out of it were not easy to look at or look away from.
"You should see what they did to his back, Minerva," She said in sad bitterness. "These aren't people, they are monsters."
Minerva let herself fall into the chair next to his bed. "How could I not see this?" She asked. "I am his head of house, it's my job to protect him."
"Do not blame yourself Minerva," Snape said, startling Poppy, who hadn't known that he was in the room. "Potter is an expert at hiding it." The usual malice or sneer was missing from his voice. "And an expert at not seeing when he needs help."
He stood at the foot of Potter's bed, staring down at a person he didn't know. The soul songs had been an eye opener for many people.
"Where is Albus?" Poppy asked.
"He is downstairs discussing matters with the minister and Umbridge." Minerva answered, voice full of contempt when she said…that woman's name. "There is a lot to discuss. Many of the students are already writing home to their parents about what the high inquisitor decided to do…Seeing as nothing condemning has come out about Harry, there was no justification for what she did or what the minister condoned."
They all understood what that meant. Even though it was achieved through hardships, the results helped the order in the end. Sympathy and pity for Harry's situation might gain Dumbledore's side some supporters.
"He will not be happy about this." Minerva pointed out, looking at Harry.
"No, he won't." Snape agreed, for once. Potter didn't like attention. Especially not this kind.
"He isn't arrogant, Severus." Minerva said. "Heck, he doesn't even have a sense of confidence."
"Yes."
"He needs a lot of help. Otherwise he won't be able to bear this."
"I know."
"Will you help us help him?"
"I…"
"Severus, I know you are afraid of opening up to anyone. I know how much Lily meant to you." He closed his eyes as if to rid himself of painful memories. "But pain and happiness don't come separately. If you want to be loved, you have to be prepared to lo-"
"I will do it."
"What…?"
"I said I will try to help him."
Harry was just another student who needed help. It didn't matter that his appearance reminded him of James and his personality and eyes of his long lost love, he would help Harry… for Harry.
CM
When Harry opened his eyes and remembered what had happened, he promptly closed them again, hoping it was all a dream.
"Harry…" He could hear Hermione's voice. He knew he had to open his eyes, but it still wasn't pleasant. Her face was full of…pity. And so was Ron's.
"Please don't look at me like that."
"…like what?" Ron asked, confused.
"Like you pity me. Don't pity me… I don't want that."
"Harry," Hermione said, her voice surprisingly in lecturing mode. "I don't think you understand how other people feel about you." Her voice had a sad edge to it. "So, I'm just going to tell you." She paused for a moment, making sure he listened. "I care about you. And I am concerned about your well-being. I feel sympathy for what you had to go through, but I don't pity you. You are important to me. You matter." At the end her voice shook so much, and she knew tears must be streaming down her face. Because she knew that Harry didn't think he or his life mattered.
For once, Ron felt the same way as Hermione about something. He nodded. "'Mione's right, mate." He said. "You are my best friend and I don't want to see you hurt. So that's why I feel sad… and angry at the people who did that to you." His red ears supported his statement. "But I don't pity you. And you should stop sacrificing yourself. If you were gone who would be there to complain about school or play exploding snap with me?" He was half serious, half joking.
The way Harry looked at them in wonder and suspicion broke their hearts more than if he had been sobbing.
"You might not believe us now," Hermione started,
Ron finished, for once, completely in synch with Hermione, "But we won't stop saying it until you do."
A/N: Here are the song names again:
1. Unbreakable from Faydee feat miracle
2. Crawling from Linkin Park
3. Luka from Suzanne Vega
4. Disappear (original lyrics) from Mocha (it's on YouTube)