It didn't register to her just how used to Suna she had become. The light browns and dark reds, the general absences of green and blue. The rougher edges and signs of wear and tear, but also the care that went into repairing it all. The harsh sand whipping around her during patrols was nothing like it had been her first storm season. She might not have even thought about it if it were not for the Hyuga compound and its stark calm, clean-edged presence. It was thankfully not so much like her childhood home that it made her uncomfortable. However, the more kind, calm presence of her homeland that she had slowly let go of was still prominently in the new arrivals lifestyles.
The Kage rooms were plain so in the face of Hyuga's force of elegance in all that they did, but that was only half of the reason. The other was that Suna found more value in the effort of craft rather than the perfection of being.
Left alone, she reflected sitting in the Hyuga dojo alone, designed much like her childhood one in the overall design. She could picture herself on the floor getting up after once again being thrown back by her cousin. She could see the tears running down her face as he insulted her willpower and lack of improvement.
Again a few years later, no tears, but there she would be on the floor again. However, this time it was her sister who was better than her and advancing. Her face had grown hard like her fathers looking down at her in disgust. Hating her for simply being because that is what she had been taught to do.
She had spent many painful hours training in vain in a room so close to this one trying to be on par with others who were better than her in every footing.
She had improved since. She might even make par now, but it was far too late for that. Why would she fight to prove it now?
She was no longer weak. She had, of course, improved with age and training. She was simply not the prodigy father had wanted. Her strengths did not lie in being a career nin. She had found her strength in organization, planning, managing, and being a minor political figure. All the traits her father said he wanted but took a backseat to show abundant strength.
Was she bitter after all this time? No, she had become numb to it, even now as her childhood memories played in her mind.
Would she have wished for a different childhood? She couldn't decide. She wouldn't be here now if she had. She wouldn't be married to a man of Suna, that was for sure. She may have married in the village or even in the clan for that matter for purity of the line. If there had been a man outside of the village, it would not have been a kage. It just would not have been possible.
She stepped across the room, looking at the grains in the wood that they had brought in from Konoha.
She would have still met Gaara at some point. Though he would for sure have been cold to her. She would have been another clan head wanting to undermine him in his eyes. She would likely have not been able to convince him otherwise in the short times of negotiation.
Her stomach twisted as she thought further. He would still not be sleeping or eating, as well. He had come so far in the time she had known him. He slept more regularly, though not as much as a normal male his age should, he ate more, became visibly calmer. Even Shukaku had taken a healthy turn. He still bothered him constantly, but now that Gaara was not solely Shukaku's power to keep his body running, he was able to block out the senseless noise better.
She had changed, as well. Never had she thought she would be so close to women? The Hyuga was so shut off, Hanabi was only starting to have a healthy relationship with her when she left, and the other girls in the village had never made any effort to become close with her. Temari's powerful presence and Matsuri's fierce, yet somewhat innocent, personality along with Baba-chan's guidance. She had never felt more accepted.
Baki's normally silent approval, Shukaku's sharp cuddling and proactiveness, Kankuro's willingness to poke jokes, Etsu's with her excited curiosity, all the children at the orphanage instant acceptances of her she cherished them all. She had found more people that she cared for and that cared for her in return in the short time she had in Suna then most of her life in Konoha.
Gaara.
She smiled to herself. Never would she have thought she would be so emotionally attached to a man that she would willingly coax him to sexual encounters. She never even imagined that route when her heart yearned for Naruto. Gaara was so… awkward, yet deliberate. It was hard to come to words with. Neither of them knew what they were doing, but she never dreamed that she would be the more confident partner.
He amused her and made her hot all at the same time with his embarrassment, his naive, his misunderstanding.
She felt herself blush. She needed to stop thinking about it.
She looked around the room again and sighed. There was no reason for her to be in this room. It didn't fit anymore. She wasn't so structured. She was sure her father would look at her from now and scold her. She didn't mind that she wasn't a Hyuga anymore by a thing else but name.
She had no place in the room.
Good.
Gaara looked down at his wife, who had tucked herself under his arm to read her documents while he worked on his paperwork. She seemed… brighter. No, that was wrong. Happier? But she wasn't outwardly more so than usual. Her overall being seemed… lighter. What were the words for what he was observing?
He looked down at the same word he had been focusing on for a while and tossed the paperwork aside, curling the now free arm with the other one across her collarbone.
She looked up and smiled. "Hope you aren't tired. We needed to do another safety patrol before we got to bed."
"No." He mumbled, laying his head on her to see what she was reading. It was somehow more boring than what he had been working on.
He wondered when there would be another day of no work. He had not had a day off in years before their honeymoon, and now that he had something to do while he didn't work, he craved it.
The thought drew him back to the paperwork at the back of his filing cabinet that was brought to his attention again that it went untouched. His successor paperwork. Who would take the village in case of his death? With the concern of his safety with the Akatsuki movement, it once again became an issue. Until recently, it had been assumed Temari would take his place. However, she was planning to move to Konoha within a year's time, so she would soon become unavailable. It then fell to Kankuro. However, he had expressed that Kazekage was a title he didn't want full time and that caused a problem. Baki was old now. He was all but retired. He would only serve temporarily in the event he was needed.
Unlike Konoha's Hokage, the Kazekage was not only meant to be a strong nin but also a strong leader with the ability to handle the job. Your ability to fight meant nothing if you could not see when you were being undermined.
His mind fell to Hinata. She did far more than her station called for. She would, by far, be the most qualified. However, he knew his council, and she was not born to Suna. She would have to fight for the position, and he knew she wouldn't.
"Who should I name my successor if I were to step down." He asked her.
She paused to look up at him. "Is there something wrong?"
"No, I have never put it to paper who I would want to have my position in the event of my death or retirement." Retirement, that was never something he thought about, growing old. He honestly didn't believe he would live that long. He didn't believe he would be killed. He always assumed someday Shukaku would become bored of him and want a new meat suit.
"Matsuri-chan then." He was surprised. He hadn't thought of his student.
"She is young, inexperienced, and now is a mother." He countered.
"Yes, but for her age, she had far more experience and showed more potential and grows every day. Her parental status does not exclude her from the job, though it would make it more difficult. However, I would hope if something were to happen, it would be in the future when Etsu-chan is older." She set her paperwork with his.
"Would you take the position until she was ready?" He asked thoughtfully.
"I would hope it wouldn't come to that, but I would accept it if it was temporary if vital, but I don't think it would go over well. I'm not Suna born. Therefore should not be Kazekage." She reminded him of what he knew.
"You are well-liked, and it would be temporary." He agreed. "The council can't deny the image you have as it was created from what people see, not what they were told."
"Then I guess, but Gaara, why do you think if you were unable to serve your duties that I would be." Shukaku flared.
"You will be safe." He declared at the beasts' urging.
"You can't be sure of that." She pushed, looking up at him. "I know you hope that I would get away or that you will protect me, but I will remind you that I will fight by your side even when you do not wish me to."
He stared at her sincere look and furrowed his non-eyebrows.
She frowned in that way he didn't understand. Eyebrows furrowed like she was upset or angry, but she didn't look angry. She looked concerned and something else, affection? He still understood so little. "My safety comes after the village's, and when I fight, it comes after yours."
His thoughts froze, as did Shukaku. They both needed to process that thought she had forced. Had anyone in his entire life put his life before their own, even in theory? He, of course, had guards, but they were loyal to the village. They believed in his shield or didn't care for him enough that they would not die for his safety. His siblings wouldn't even now. They had too much faith in his ability to protect himself. What protection would their little brother need more than what kept the village safe?
Shukaku growled possessively, and sands slid across the room around them.
"Hmm?" Hinata wondered but made no further questions. The beast formed larger than usual and lay his now-massive head on her wrapping its tail around the couch. "Are you two, alright?" She wondered, raising her hand what she could under the grip he felt he had tightened over her shoulders. She wiped his eyes as he realized he had started to tear.
"No." He attempted in a hoarse voice.
"I didn't mean to upset you." She hummed with a soft frown. "I hope I didn't bring up anything horrible."
He didn't reply. He just buried his face in her shoulder. She laid her head on his cheek and brought a hand up to bury in his hair, the other one pet Shukaku's massive head.