Edward

"Well, she doesn't seem to have any immediate issues, as far as lung function. Other than needing some oxygen, she's not having any breathing difficulties. She's tiny but seems to be a sturdy little one. Because she's a wee bit early, she's at risk of developing RSV during cold and flu season, so you'll have to keep a watch out for any symptoms."

"But that's it? Other than being small, she's okay?" Bella's nervously wringing her hands. She's been on edge since they whisked little Kaitlin off to what we would call the NICU to be checked over thoroughly. She hasn't even held her daughter yet, and I can see it's wearing on her. It wasn't what she'd planned.

"She's right as rain, Miss. Swan. The injections we gave you at the beginning seem to have done their job to help her lungs mature quickly, so I'd say as soon as we can wean her off of the oxygen, and she's feeding well and puts on some weight, she'll be able to be released."

The tension visibly leaves Bella in a long breath, her shoulders seeming to sag in relief. Her eyes catch mine, and I can tell my being here is helping her cope with the news.

"Thank you, Doctor. Bella and I really appreciate you taking the time to come down from Dublin to examine Kaitlin." I reach out to shake the good doctor's hand in thanks. One of the calls I made on the flight here was to make sure the baby would have the best care after she was born knowing she was coming six weeks earlier than expected. I'm sure there are more than capable doctors here in Cork, but Bella's child deserves the very, very best.

"Oh, I'm more than happy to be here, Mr. Cullen." The sincerity in his voice is real, despite the fact that we both know he's being compensated nicely for his time.

After a few more instructions and his well-wishes, he finally leaves Bella's room. The silence that settles between us is not quite uncomfortable, but more as if we're both thinking about what we want to say next. We've not breached the subject of Jasper's appearance, which seems to have been the catalyst for her early labor. I've looked her over many times, but I've not found any evidence that he physically hurt her.

Deciding to bite the bullet, I speak first. "Bella, we need to talk about Jasper," I say softly.

"I know," she says with a nod.

"Did he… Bella, did he touch you?"

Her head is shaking before all the words leave my mouth. "No. He didn't get close enough."

"Tell me."

She takes a deep breath then releases it. "I was in one of the bookshops in town. I just happened to glance up at the window, and he was just…there."

"Did he try to approach you?"

"No." She shakes her head again. "But I got out of there as fast as I could. That's when I started calling and texting you and Esme. I thought he was following my car, so I tried to lose him, and my head was pounding by then, I guess because of my blood pressure. It had been borderline high at my last two appointments, so they were keeping an eye on it."

"Why didn't you tell me your blood pressure was an issue?" I ask, barely hiding my annoyance.

She just shrugs. "Because up until now, it wasn't an issue. They were only watching it."

"Even so, please don't keep things from me, Bella."

"I won't. Not anymore. I just didn't think it was a big deal."

Resting my elbows on my knees, I put my head in my hands, gripping my hair in frustration. "Bella, don't you realize that everything about your well-being is important to me?" I raise my face, meeting her eyes. "It's more important than anything else right now to my family… and me."

"I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"No, don't apologize. Just promise that you won't keep things from me, no matter how insignificant you think it is, please."

"I won't."

Just then, Ma and Maggie walk back into the room, smiles on both their faces.

"Well, little Kaitlin is all settled in with the other babies who were also a bit too early," Ma announces.

"You haven't held her, have you?" Bella asks the worry clear on her face.

"No, Bella. We both know you should be the one to hold her first, a stóir. Though, Maggie and I would like to be near the top of that list when the time comes," she says with a wink.

"Of course, thank you, Esme. I just... Well, I barely got to see her before they whisked her away from me, and-"

"There is no explanation needed, Bella. We understand," Maggie says.

"But you're both near the top of the list," Bella insists.

"Near the top?" Ma asks with an arched brow and a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

Bella's eyes flit to mine so quickly, I almost miss the uncertainty there before looking back to the other women in the room. "Well, I was hoping Edward would come with me the first time," she explains, her voice quiet.

Ma and Maggie both turn to me with questioning faces, amusement in their eyes. I glare at them before turning to the young lady lying in her bed looking so unsure.

"If you want me, Bella, I'll be there."

"I do."

"Then I'll go with you."

After being given permission to be the one to push her wheelchair, Bella and I make our way to the nursery. We're asked to thoroughly wash our hands and wear something akin to a paper hospital gown with long sleeves, covering us to protect the baby from any germs or contaminants we may have brought in on our clothes.

Bella starts to fidget as we near the incubator where Kaitlin is sleeping. As we pass other babies, their families and nurses tending to them, Bella only has eyes for her daughter. I push her as close as the wheelchair will allow, and Bella scoots to the edge of her seat to get a closer look.

"Oh, Edward, she's beautiful," she says, not much louder than a whisper as her fingers trail along the clear plastic walls of the isolette.

"She is. She looks like her mother."

Without turning her eyes from the baby, she asks, "Can you go find out if I can hold her yet?"

"Sure," I say, patting her on the shoulder. I turn to track down the nurse that led us to Kaitlin and find her at the nurse's station.

"Excuse me, Bella would like to hold her if that's okay," I interrupt.

"Of course. I'll be right there."

After getting Bella situated and being told what each tube and wire connected to the baby was for, Kaitlin is finally in her arms.

"She's really mine?" Bella asks, dragging her eyes away from the tiny angel in her arms.

"She's really yours."

And as I sit here watching them, a new, young mother and her child, I know this isn't the future Bella would have chosen for herself. But seeing the smile that's lighting her face right now, I don't believe I've ever seen a more beautiful sight.

"Shh, Mommy's here. Shh." I can hear Bella's voice over Kaitlin's cries. Her colic has lasted for what seems like weeks, but Bella has been a trooper. Her patience seems unending, even though I know she's beyond exhausted.

I scrub my hands over my face, trying to wake up enough to help. We've worked out an unofficial system. If she can't get the baby to calm down or if she starts to sound anxious, I step in to give her a break. At first, she was resistant, but I reminded her that the doctors and nurses all said she needed help. And since she couldn't return to Maggie's and risk Jasper finding her, it's just the three of us most of the time in the little cottage I've rented for the foreseeable future. Besides, I'm not ready to leave them for good just yet. Maggie stays here occasionally, and Ma visits when she can, so I use that time to go back home and take care of any business that needs my attention.

My feet hit the cool, wood floor, and I make my way to their room. Knocking lightly, I turn the doorknob and find Bella pacing the floor, gently patting Kaitlin's back, attempting to soothe her. When she sees me, her relief if visible, but she also looks upset.

"I'm so sorry she woke you again, Edward."

"Now, what did I say? Don't apologize for this. She can't help it," I say as I walk toward them. I open my hands toward the baby, and Bella gets the hint, placing Kaitlin in them. "Can you, princess?" I nuzzle my nose in her fine, blonde hair, breathing in her baby smell. I had no idea babies smelled like this. Even at six-weeks-old, she has that new baby smell; dirty diapers notwithstanding.

Kaitlin's almost immediately quiets, and I sway with her in my arms, side to side, with my nose still in her hair.

"She absolutely loves you, you know?" Bella says as she sits on her bed. "She calms down almost the second she's in your arms. I'm beginning to get jealous." It's said in jest, but there's also a hint of hurt in her words.

"You know that's not true, Bella."

"It is. Sometimes I feel like I should have found another family to take her. I don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time," she says, throwing up her hands in exasperation.

"And you think any other parent comes home from the hospital with their first baby and knows what they're doing?"

"Yes... No... I don't know. I just feel like I'm going to mess her up because I'm so clueless."

"You're not clueless," I say, sitting next to her. "Bella, you've been great with her. The books I read said colic is hard for anyone going through it. You've been patient with her, you hold her, and you do what you can to calm her. Most of the time it helps, even a little. The times it doesn't, I'm here. And it's not because you can't do it, but because I think she can sense that you're stressing and that makes it worse," I say with a shrug. "At least that's the way I see it."

She's quiet for a minute, and I start to think I've upset her, and then she speaks. "Maybe you're right." Her voice is soft, but I think my words sunk in.

"I know I'm right, Bella. If there's one thing you need to accept, it's that Edward Cullen is always right."

She smiles, shaking her head, before giving me a gentle nudge. "Well, if you're going to be any help tonight, go ahead and take our girl to your room so I can sleep for a few hours."

"You've got it." I bend to place a quick kiss on her forehead before standing and walking Kaitlin to my room, closing Bella's door as we leave.

I settle into the rocker I insisted on having in my room and think over what Bella just said.

Our girl.

In a lot of ways, she is. I've been with them both nearly every day since Kaitlin was born. Ma and Maggie helped get us settled in, and as I said, they come when they can, but it's been mostly just Bella and me caring for her.

Deciding to stay with them was a no-brainer because I didn't trust their safety to anyone else. Until I could get a handle on the Jasper situation, I wasn't going to relax. He's been elusive so far, according to Da, and I have no idea where he is. My men at home have spotted him around town, but he slips from the radar as soon as someone catches up to him. It feels almost like he's a step ahead of us all the time. What's more frustrating, it feels like Da isn't nearly as determined to find him as I am, or as angry that he can't pin him down.

I've been home a few times to take care of this business or another and to make sure things are in order to get the pub open next month. But at this point, it looks like we'll miss the deadline. But I'm never gone more than a few days at a time, much to Heidi's dismay. I know I'm stringing her along, with no real hope for a future with her, especially after Bella pointed out that I'm not being fair to her. But I don't know if I'm ready for the monumental tantrum she's going to throw when I tell her we should end things. I've always heard it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Besides, when we started our relationship, we agreed that it would be fun; that neither of us was looking to settle down. Her father though, may have other ideas.

But for now, I'll concentrate on keeping this precious little girl and her mother safe from the nefarious intentions of my brother, no matter what they may be.

"This place looks fucking fantastic, Edward!" Emmett slaps my back in congratulations. "Long time coming, but it seems like the wait was worth it."

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it," I say with a genuine smile.

One delay after another, combined with my extended absence, and the June opening of Cullen's Pub was pushed back a few months. It's now September, and we've finally opened the doors. It's a packed house, and I can almost hear the money pouring in, legitimate or otherwise. I'm sure the name over the door has something to do with it, too.

There are a lot of familiar faces in the crowd, men both Da and I have worked with, so I know there is probably other business being handled tonight, but as long as they're here lining my pockets, I couldn't care less.

"Saw your girl here earlier. She take off for the ladies room?" Emmett asks as he looks around the pub.

"Yeah, said something about powdering her nose or some shit."

Standing at Emmett's side, Rosalie scoffs and rolls her eyes, not exactly thrilled at the mention of my companion.

"What's the matter, Rose? You got a problem with Heidi?" I ask. I may not be proposing marriage to her, but Heidi is with me, so she deserves a modicum of respect.

"Just wondering exactly what kind of powder she was referring to," she says, boldly staring into my eyes.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask, just a little pissed off.

Emmett gives her a squeeze, discreetly trying to chastise her, and she huffs out a breath. "Nothing, Edward. It's not supposed to mean anything."

I stare her down, wondering if there's more to her comment. Rose has never been one to keep her thoughts to herself, so I'm not sure what to think about what she said. Before I can decide what she meant by it, Heidi comes up beside me, wrapping her arm around my waist.

"Hey, baby. Miss me?" she asks reflexively sniffing, her pupils wide, and powder, indeed, on her nose.

I answer with a heavy sigh and a kiss to her cheek. "I did."

"Hey, Heidi," Rose says before lowering her voice. "You, uh, missed a spot."

With surprised, wide eyes, Heidi wipes the residue from her nose and giggles. "Oops."

I turn my attention back to the room, not in the mood to get into this with her right now. This isn't the first time I've had to deal with her using. While I've been known to indulge on occasion, she seems to find someone to supply her with it on a regular basis, even though I've asked her not to do it when we're in the company of others. But lately, she's been high at least once every time I'm back in Boston, and it makes no difference who we're with.

"So, how will you be spending your week, brother?" Emmett asks, pulling my attention from scanning the crowd.

"I've got business to attend to, oversees," I answer, giving him a questioning look. He knows damn well where I'll be this week; in Cork with Bella. Her eighteenth birthday is in a few days, and Emmett, Rose and I are all flying out to spend the week with her and Kaitlin. It'll be the first time Rose will have seen the baby, so it's all she's talked about for days.

The fact that Em is asking makes no sense. That is until I see the mischievous expression on his face. When his eyes flash to Heidi, I know what his intentions are. He always has enjoyed getting a rise out of her, and judging by the glare she's giving me, he's doing a fine job of it this time as well.

"What do you mean you're leaving the country again, Edward? You just got home." If I wasn't so emotionally stunted, the tears gathering in Heidi's eyes might have hurt.

I pull her close, kissing the top of her head. "I feel like all I do is apologize to you these days."

"Well, you've been gone more than you've been home for months," she says with a pout.

And she's right.

Da finally assigned Bella a permanent guard, and he's one I actually approve of. Jimmy has been with our family since he was a kid; well over twenty years. Combined with the fact that Da assures me that Jasper has been shipped off for a while, has lessened my fears about her being alone and so far away from us. What doesn't sit well with me is the fact that I haven't laid eyes on my brother since he was on the floor of Da's study, roughly seven months ago. I have to trust my father that he's taking care of it.

"Tell ya what. We'll spend the next couple of days together while I'm home. I'm all yours," I say, trying to appease her.

"Well, I'll take what I can get." Rising up on her tiptoes, she kisses me as if she's marking her territory.

We spend the rest of the night schmoozing the customers, and things go off without a hitch. As I suspected, we made a killing, and even a headline in the business section of the paper if the reporter that was here is any indication. The only thing that could make this night more perfect is to have Bella here. The time I've spent with her since Kaitlin was born has only brought us closer as friends.

That night, Heidi and I have our own private celebration. Yet, as I push into her, I feel there's something important missing from our relationship, even as she writhes beneath me. We've never had a problem with the physical side of things, but other than that, I don't feel the connection I think we should have after being together so long. I also know she wants more, and I'm an ass for not being able to give it to her.

Lying in the dark that night, with her head on my chest as she mumbles about how much she's missed me and wishes I didn't have to go away again, I feel like a fraud as I kiss her on the head and tell her I missed her too. But really, my thoughts are thousands of miles away with a blonde haired, blue eyed, little princess. I wonder how she is, and how Bella is handling her without me there. Every day I'm gone I know she's growing, she's doing new things, and I know I'm missing so much.

a stóir; my dear

A/N: Big thanks to Fyrebyrd, Gabby1017, Life and Death's Lullabies, and TheMetroDad for pre-reading, and to my beta, SunflowerFran, but please remember, all mistakes are mine.

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