Quick note... If my angry Guest Reviewer wishing me bodily harm and death is still here, which I don't understand why you would be, I left you a reply in the form of a review of my own for the last chapter.
Now, this is different. We get a peek into Jasper's head this week, which I'm sure you'll all have something to say about it. So without further ado...
...
Jasper
"Harder, J," Maria demands, her face buried in her pillow as I plow into her.
"Shut up." The hard slap of my hand on her ass only seems to encourage her; the sounds of her moaning intensifying. Her long, dark hair is wrapped around my left fist, her head jerking back each time I thrust into her. "You just lay there and take it!" My right hand runs up her back, grasping the back of her neck, forcing her head even further into the bedding as I pound away a few more times before stilling inside her, my cock pulsing as my cum fills the condom. Fuck if I'm gonna create another bastard child.
I pull out and flop onto the mattress beside Maria, her flushed, sweaty body now feeling too close, so I push away as I catch my breath.
"I wish you didn't have to run off again, J. I feel like you just got back. Where were you this time?" she asks, her head turned to face me as she's still lying on her stomach.
"What's with the questions, huh? If I wanted someone to grill me, I'd go home. That's not what I come here for." Looking over at her, Maria's face is pensive, like she wants to ream me for basically calling her my whore, but she knows better. She's been on the receiving end of my ire more than once, and she knows better than to antagonize me. Though, our verbal sparring has led to some memorable rounds of fucking on more than one occasion.
"Sorry," she finally spits out. "You able to stick around tonight?"
"Nah, I gotta get home. The wife is expecting me." I move to sit on the edge of the bed, grabbing my pack of smokes, lighting one up.
She crawls up behind me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, nuzzling into my neck. "Why do you need to bring her up every time we're together? Do you have to constantly remind me I'm just your side piece now?" she mumbles against my skin.
"You know why, Maria. You know things didn't work out the way I thought they would. Alice isn't going away anytime soon." The hand not grasping my cigarette reaches up to grasp her wrists where they cross against my chest. "If things could have been different..." I sigh, thinking of the what-if's, but shake my head at the thought. I pat her hands, and she releases me. I get to my feet before tossing the used rubber in the trash can and looking around the room to find my discarded clothes.
"You know, Uncle C said I should be getting more from this arrangement," she says with a little more force behind her words, maybe even a huff.
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"I don't know," she says with a shrug. "I could use a new car." The look in her eye tells me she's just fuckin' with me, so I play along.
"Yeah, well then your dear old Uncle C... You know he isn't really your uncle, right? You tell him he can buy you one. I already pay your rent and all your other goddamn bills. The car I bought you is only two years old." I pause, smiling to myself. "Tell ya what, that car breaks down on ya, and I'll buy you a bus pass."
"You jackass!" she screams.
I head for the door, my permanent limp making its presence known, laughing as I go. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I've been called worse."
"You better be back here soon, J. Don't make me tell C you're not treatin' me right."
"I'll be back when I can," I yell over my shoulder before I step outside, closing the door behind me. I make my way to my car, and slide in behind the wheel. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, trying to center my thoughts. My life has turned into one major clusterfuck in the last few years, and I have no idea how it got this bad.
Growing up, I was the typical, privileged, spoiled kid, and I got into trouble at every turn. At a young age, I learned of my heritage and the legacy I would inherit, and I used it to my advantage to get what I wanted. And one of the things I wanted was Maria.
I met her back when I was going to school in Cambridge. She wasn't a student but worked in one of the bookstores off campus. It was harmless flirtation at first, eventually turning into regular hook-ups. Somewhere along the way, feelings grew like a fungus taking over my heart, and I hoped to acquaint her with the family. All that went to shit the moment I was introduced at the annual Cullen Foundation fundraiser.
"Senator Brandon, I'd like to introduce my son, Jasper." Da ushered me forward to shake the man's hand.
"Ah, yes. Jasper. The oldest, correct?" the senator asked as he took my hand, his grip firm.
"Yes, Sir. A pleasure to meet you." Side-eyeing Da, I'm trying to figure out what the fuck this is about. We don't normally rub elbows with politicians, but I can see where this might be going as the Senator continues to speak.
"I was just telling your father that we could use a bright, young mind like yours in my office. He says you're studying law, correct?"
"I am," I say with a nod.
"Excellent. Well, perhaps you could intern or clerk in my office. Get a taste of what your future could be," he says, a note of suggestion in his tone.
"Yes, I've always thought my boy could have a future as a public servant," Da says with a slap to my shoulder. "He's quite charismatic if I do say so myself." He grins. "Must be that Cullen charm."
"Daddy, aren't you going to introduce me?" The slight, dark-haired young woman steps up to the Senator's side.
"Of course, Angel. Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce my daughter, Alice. Alice, this is Carlisle Cullen and his oldest son, Jasper."
Her hand rises, almost as if she's trying to fucking present it to us like she's royalty or some shit. The words entitled bitch roll around in my mind. "It's a pleasure to meet you, dear," my father says, pulling me from my internal thoughts. "Jasper." His eyes flick to mine, and I see the order.
"Yeah, nice to meet you," I say, taking her limp hand in mine.
That day was the end of the future I might have had with Maria. Unbeknownst to me, I was introduced to a life I was being forced into whether I wanted it or not. Da made it perfectly clear what his intentions were after that initial meeting. The possibilities presented to Carlisle Cullen with a direct line to an ambitious senator's ear were just too enticing for him to leave alone. He pushed and feckin' pushed until I was practically ordered to marry Alice, my pleas to end it falling on deaf ears.
Even after explaining that I had already found a woman I wanted to introduce to the family, I was told to get my priorities in order; to think of the family first. I couldn't understand it, and I was powerless to stop it.
The beginning of our relationship was pleasant enough. We went out a few times, and in public, she was polite, demure; all the things Da thought were important in a wife. Behind closed doors, she showed her true colors. Her drinking and pill popping were a regular occurrence. It only got worse when she realized what our fathers intended for us. Before I knew it, she had dragged me down with her. The trouble is, I didn't stop with booze and pills. It didn't take me long before I was personally inspecting shipments and sampling the product for myself.
No one saw it, not even Ma. To her and everyone else, we were the perfect couple. No one ever knew of the plans Da was making behind the scenes. His want to have a powerful connection was just too strong, and he was willing to throw me under the bus to get it.
My relationship with Maria soon took a backseat as I waded through the murky waters of my new life. While I was being groomed to take over the family business, she waited on the sidelines, taking whatever I could give her. Over the years, it became less and less, until she began to feel like a burden to me, too.
I paid her bills and provided a home for her out of a sense of duty, but I took out my frustrations with my life out on her body. Looking in the mirror every morning, I hated myself. Everything I was made to give up, all I sacrificed, was for nothing. My drug use, and all my actions attributed to it made Da snatch that away from me, leaving me in a marriage I resented, with a wife I hated, and no future.
And I had no one to blame but myself.
As if on autopilot, I've found my way home. I pull into in the garage and cut the engine before reaching into my jacket pocket, retrieving a small, clear pouch filled with the only thing that can help me endure my wife. I swallow down the bitter pill dry, and chuckle at the irony.
Bitter and dry; an apt description of my life at the moment.
Walking inside the place that's supposed to feel welcoming and comfortable, it's anything but. Alice's last tantrum has left evidence all over the house. Broken furniture and smashed pictures still litter the rooms. Even though it's been weeks since she went on her first rampage, she takes each and every opportunity to remind me that I'm a fuck up, making her feelings known by throwing the closest object she can grab.
As if I could forget.
"Alice!" I yell through the quiet house.
"My room," she yells from upstairs. I head up and find my way to what was once our room, but is now hers. Finding her lying in her bed, in what is supposed to be a seductive pose, only pisses me off.
"What are you doing, Alice?" I ask, leaning in the doorway.
"Isn't it obvious? I want to fuck my husband."
I cross my arms over my chest, furrowing my brow. "You kiss your mother with that mouth? And since when?"
"Since I decided we should have a baby."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about?" I yell, pushing off the doorframe and walking to her bedside. "What business do the two of us have in bringing a baby into this joke of a marriage?"
"Well, Daddy said-"
"No! Your father has absolutely no say in anything we do; not now. He may have orchestrated things with my Da to push us together, but he won't dictate anything else between us. Besides, why would he care?"
"Because he thinks it would be good for us." She's up on her knees now, screaming at me, her thin, frail frame on display. "He knows things are shit between us, Jasper. I can't lie to him. He knows you're sleeping with that whore and he threatened to go back on the deal he made with Carlisle if we didn't work things out," she yells before calming down. "Besides, how awful would it be to have a baby? At least I wouldn't be so alone here all the time. You're off doing God knows what all day, and I'm here all alone. There's only so much shopping and socializing I can do."
"First, don't call her a whore. She was around way before you ever crossed my path. And you could get a fucking job! Help pay for some of this worthless shit you like to parade all over town." I'm looming over her now, my chest heaving. Every time we argue, it ends like this, and more often than not, one of two ways; with me balls deep in her or my hand around her throat just to shut her up.
I despise what I've become.
"You're my husband! If she's sleeping with you, that makes her a whore! And I'm not getting a fucking job! I wasn't brought up to provide for myse-"
"You stupid bitch, it's not about providing for anyone. If you're bored or lonely, hell, volunteer at a fucking soup kitchen for all I care. Just stop nagging me about being lonely. I did my part when I agreed to marry you!"
Storming off toward the door, I don't even flinch when the glass whatever-the-fuck it was hurls past my head, smashing against the wall and accompanying her insults.
Peeling out of the driveway, my thoughts are a scattered mess; the magic pill is obviously not strong enough to drown out my reality. The only person I can turn to about the fucked up spot I've found myself in is the man who put me here.
I dial Da's number and wait for the call to connect as I drive aimlessly through the city streets. "Hello?"
"Da, hey, it's me."
His sigh tells me he's in no mood to speak with me. "What do you need Jasper?"
"What? Can't a son call his father for no good reason?"
"There's always a reason, Jasper." The car behind me honks when I don't immediately move on the green light. "Are you... Jasper, are you out driving? I told you to take some time and stay out of sight. I can only protect you from your brother for so long." The irritation in his voice is clear.
"And I can only stay at Maria's for so long. But, my God, Da, I can't stay at home either. Isn't there somewhere you can send me until Edward's temper has blown over?"
His sigh is heavy. "Son, it's like you've had the hounds of hell on your tail since you came into this world." He's silent for a moment, thinking. "There's a place in upstate New York. It's not much, but you could take a few weeks, hell, a few months, and stay off the radar. I can tell your brother that you've been handled, and maybe I can get him to come home."
"He's still there?" I ask, my voice rising.
"He is. Someone has to be there help Bella, and since her safety was compromised, Edward felt he had no choice. You just had to go and scare the poor girl. I warned you, Jasper. I told you to stay away."
"I needed to see for myself, Da."
"But why? I told you I was handling it."
"And I told you I needed to-"
"No, Jasper. You need to keep your fucking distance. I still don't know how you figured out where she was, and I'll be damned if I don't find out. If you've got help from one of my men, so help me God..."
My thoughts flicker to the people who've been aiding and abetting me the last couple of years, and I quickly change direction, heading toward our usual meeting place. The clock reads one in the afternoon, so he should be around.
"No, Da. None of your men have been helping me with anything," I say with a smirk.
"There's only so much I can tolerate, Jasper. There's already been too much bloodshed over you, and I won't allow it to happen again."
I'm silent, pondering his words. It seems my mere presence has always been an issue. Perhaps I've been cursed since birth.
"You know, I'll never forget the look in your mother's eye the night I brought you home," he reminisces. "There was so much death and violence surrounding us back then. But one look at you, and all her dreams and hopes for the future were wrapped up in the bundle in my arms. She wanted a baby so badly she didn't care where you'd come from. But you've done all you can to destroy each and every hope and dream she ever had for you. We brought you into our home, and made you a Cullen."
He pauses. "You had everything that came along with being the firstborn. I've even killed for you, Jasper. But you've thrown it all away. And for what? You've thrown an epic fit over having your future decided for you? Because you didn't get your way? You owe me, son. You're only alive because I decided to save you the day you were born ... because of who you are. If you weren't a Cullen, there would have been a bullet between your eyes after what you did to Bella. The least you can do is stay away from her."
"I'll do my best."
Tired of the constant berating and the same things constantly thrown in my face, I disconnect the call. It seems the trajectory of my life changed the day I found out I was adopted. From the moment I stumbled across the papers telling me who I really was, I began to see the world differently. I took what I wanted with very little regard for anyone else.
And that included Bella Swan.
From the time she blossomed into a young woman, back when good old Charlie would bring her around, I knew she would be worth the wait. When Charlie met his unfortunate end, and she came to stay with Ma and Da, well, the opportunity was just too good to pass up. I saw the curious glances she'd shoot my way. I mean, I knew she couldn't fucking stand me, but I also knew she was physically attracted to me. All it took was a little ... persuasion. Finding her in a vulnerable position, I took advantage of the situation, slipping something into her drink to lower her inhibitions. The drugs zipping through my system didn't hurt either.
In my drug-addled brain, she wanted it, so I gave it to her. It wasn't until the haze lifted and I woke up battered and bruised from my brother's beating that I realized I had fucked up beyond redemption.
When Alice decided to change the locks and kick me out after a long weekend spent with Maria, I hightailed it to my parents' house; a place I could always go back to no matter what I'd done. I moped for a few days, wallowing in the misery that my life had become when I overheard Edward speaking to Da as I walked past his study.
"And Maggie? She's making sure Bella has what she needs?" Da's voice is just loud enough to hear through the door.
"Maggie is taking very good care of her. They get along well, and she keeps on top of her about her schoolwork," Edward responds.
There's a short pause. "Good, good. And the baby? Things are going okay there?" Baby? What baby? She couldn't be, could she?
"Yeah, she's almost six months already."
"Well, the rest of it will fly for her. I'm sure your mother will want to visit soon."
Another pause as their words swirl around in my brain. "I'm sure she'd like that; both of them. Bella misses her. Have you decided if you're going to try to be there for when the baby's born? I know Bella would want Ma there."
"We're going to try-"
After I burst through that door, things went from bad to worse when it was confirmed that the little cocktease was carrying my bastard offspring. It was days later that I was able to piece together enough of what I heard to send out some inquiries about where she could be. Having just the name, Maggie, was enough to dig up a possible location.
It was easy enough to get a flight over there, and I was able to locate her rather easily. I mean, Cork is big, but when you have the connections I have, it really isn't very difficult. It was over a month between the day in Da's study and the day I laid eyes on Bella. She was just as attractive as I remembered, even if she was a little fat. But, if what I heard Edward say was correct, she had been almost eight months pregnant.
She carried herself differently, more confidently than I remembered. Maybe being there, in that place, was good for her. I really hadn't intended on being seen. I only meant to get a look and satisfy my sick curiosity, but I got too close. She saw me through the window, and I will never forget the look of utter fear that crossed her face.
That's the moment I realized I really was a monster. I took everything good in my life that crossed my path and crushed it. I could have embraced my situation all those years ago with Alice, and made the best of the situation we were both forced into. I could have done the honorable thing and let Maria go, but I didn't. I stubbornly hung on to the dream of what could have been until there was nothing left that resembled what we used to have. I could have walked away from the temptation this young girl put before me, but I didn't. And now there was a child involved; brought about similarly to the way I had been conceived.
These thoughts are still tumbling around in my brain as I step into the smoke-filled club, the half-naked women parading around serving the customers. My eyes scan the room, searching for the familiar face. I spot him, and he makes eye contact, waving me over to his booth.
"So, what brings you by today, Jasper?" he asks as I slide into the seat.
"Just needed a break from my life for the afternoon, C."
"Yeah? I heard little Miss Maria isn't very happy you left her alone to go back to your wife." He puffs on his cigar, seemingly without a care in the world.
"Well, had to make an appearance, you know?" The waitress drops off my usual drink, and I thank her with a nod, downing it pretty quickly.
"I do," he says, nodding. "I also know Maria deserves more respect than you've been able to give her. She may not be my blood, but she's still family, and I expect you to treat her better, your Goomah or not, capicse?"
I scoff at his name for what she is to me. "C, you know she's more than that, I just can't-"
"I know," he says, his hand held up to halt my words. "Your marriage to the good Senator's daughter is profitable to all of us, not just your father," he sneers. "But, regardless, you've made a commitment to both your wife and the woman you keep at your beck and call. So, I expect you to treat her a little better."
"C, I just bought her-"
"I don't care! If she wants something and it will keep her happy, I expect you to take care of it. Understood?"
"Understood."
"Good. Now, it seems like we have some work for you to do. Will you be able to tear yourself away from your wife for a few weeks?"
"I'll do ya one better. Da just offered me some time away in upstate New York, so as far as he knows, I'll be off the radar for a few months."
"Excellent." The glimmer in his eye is a little intimidating. "Now, listen close, capicse?"
I lean in close, giving him my full attention.
"I'm listening."
...
A/N: I'm heading out of town tomorrow for a long weekend. (I'm headed down to Savannah to see Rob at the SCAD Film Festival! So excited!) So I'm not going to be able to respond to reviews this week. If you have any direct questions, I'll do my best to respond, but I may not be able to. Please know that each and every review means the world to me!
Big thanks to Fyrebyrd, Gabby1017, Life and Death's Lullabies, and TheMetroDad for pre-reading, and to my beta, SunflowerFran. I fiddled a bit, so please remember, all mistakes are mine.
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