Bella
"And, Mommy, did you see? Nana gotted me a pwincess crown!" Kaitlin reminds me as I tuck her into bed, making me smile. I'm so thankful the drama of the day didn't make a lasting impression on her.
"I did see. You wore it all day, silly." I tap my finger on her nose, making her giggle.
"Oh, yeah."
"So, did you have a good birthday?"
"I did, Mommy. I had so much fun bein' a pwincess, even if those weird people came to Nana's house to yewl." Her voice is quiet, so I know she's getting tired. When her yawn is so big her whole face scrunches up, I know it's time to say goodnight.
"Well, you are a princess," I say, ignoring her comments about Alice and Jasper. "But, even a princess needs her beauty sleep." I lean over and give her a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight, Kaitlin."
"Night, Mommy. Night Deddie," she says over my shoulder.
Edward pushes off the doorframe and steps to her bedside, leaning over to give her a kiss of his own. "Night, Princess."
She rolls over to her side as we turn out the light and close the door behind us. I follow Edward into the living room, and we both take a seat in opposite corners of the sofa.
He reaches over to tug at the hem of my jeans, getting me to look up at him. "You okay?" he asks.
I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. I guess I foolishly hoped it would never come out. I mean, you said yourself that Jasper and Alice hadn't been around much. I just hope they'll keep their distance." The ticking of the clock is the only sound in the room as we both think about the events of the day.
Edward releases Alice after his forceful words, and conflicting emotions play across her face. I can tell she so badly wants to blame me, to attack me, but the way she's looking at Jasper tells me she only feels defeated. I soon realize that for once, she isn't intoxicated. But then to hear her heartfelt plea to her husband, well, I can't help but have a modicum of pity for her.
"I always wondered what happened to drive Bella away from the family so soon after she came to live here. I never thought it was because of you. Why, Jasper? How could you do this?" The tears running down her cheeks cause me to look away.
"It wasn't me, Alice, it was the drugs. I wasn't in control of myself. I-"
"Shut up! Just shut up! What is it, Jasper? You aren't satisfied with the piece of ass you have on the side, so you have to go around drugging young girls to sleep with you? You disgust me!" The slap she delivers resonates throughout the silence of the room.
"You bitch." Jasper starts toward his wife, only to be shoved away by his brother. He struggles against the hold Emmett has on him as he's pinned against the wall.
"If I'm a bitch, then you're a bastard, and we deserve each other!" Alice's fight is back, and she's once again struggling against Edward's grip. "I never wanted to marry your sorry ass to begin with!"
"Yeah? Well, the feeling's mutual."
"Would you calm the fuck down, man?" Emmett is struggling to keep his older brother restrained.
My eyes jump to the doorway that leads to the stairs, hoping Kaitlin doesn't hear any of this.
"Stop!" Esme's voice surprises me. "Just stop!" She's fighting back the tears. "Jasper, I don't know what we ever did to cause you to think that your life was so horrible, but you've played the victim for years. Every time you got into trouble, it was always someone else's fault, each time, there was some way for you to explain it away."
She takes a deep breath and blows it out before stepping into the center of the chaos. "Even knowing what you did to hurt Bella, you blame it on the drugs." She shakes her head, turning to Carlisle, and an expression I've never seen takes over her features. "You promised he was being handled and that he would keep his distance from Bella and our granddaughter. You've either been unable to do so, or I've been lied to."
"Esme, I'm-" her husband says, trying to defend himself.
She raises her hand to silence him and turns back to her son. "Up until now I've done as I was asked and let your father decide how to handle you, but not anymore. Now I get a say. You aren't welcome back here, Jasper. If you need to conduct business with your father, you'll have to find another place to do it."
"Esme, you can't-" Carlisle starts.
"No, I'm sorry Carlisle, but I can't have him in my home any longer. I should have put my foot down years ago, but I foolishly thought he would either have a change of heart or be respectful and keep his distance. Now that I see neither is the case, he is no longer welcome."
She then turns to me. "Bella, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that I've allowed this to go on for so long. I hope you can forgive me for the inept way I've handled everything for the last three and a half years."
I'm stunned almost speechless as she steps to me with open arms. As hers wrap around me, she whispers into my ear. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'll do whatever I can to make you and Kaitlin feel more welcome here."
"Thank you," I mutter, and it's all I can say. I know things have grown more strained between us as Kaitlin has grown older. My unease with her being in this house and Esme feeling like she's walking on eggshells, especially after I returned to the States, has made for a tense year.
"I won't let my husband dictate to me how things are going to be any longer, a leanbh. I want to know my granddaughter if you'll let me."
We didn't stay much longer after that. Once Jasper left with Alice, promising to never again darken his parents' doorstep, we brought Kaitlin back downstairs to have her cake and open her presents. We tried not to allow the somber to mood affect her, but I could tell she sensed something was off. And judging by what she asked me on the drive home, I knew she was more observant than I hoped she had been.
"Mommy, who was that man and the not nice lady?" She's playing with her new doll, a gift from her Deddie, which happens to look amazingly similar to her. I can only imagine how much it cost to have a custom doll made to look like its owner.
I glance to the front seat where Alec is driving. His eyes never leave the road, but I'm sure he can hear us. Edward is seated in the passenger seat, and I can see his shoulders visibly tense.
"Well, that was Jasper and Alice," I say, hoping she doesn't say much more.
"Who aw dey?" she asks, looking up from her doll. Her blue eyes are bright as the evening sun shines through the windows as we make our way home. Edward, though, has heard her question, so he turns to look back at his princess, answering her with a finality that only he can give her.
"Jasper is my brother, and Alice is his wife. But, Kaitlin, they're not very nice people so you won't have to see them ever again, okay?"
"Otay, Deddie."
She seems satisfied with his answer, so the subject is dropped, Kaitlin rambling on and on about her new toys. The rest of the drive is quick, and we make our way inside to put away all her new treasures and settle down for the evening.
Edward's voice pulls me from my thoughts.
"I'm going to find out how they just happened to come by, today of all days, and who let them through the gate. There was no reason for them to be there." He shakes his head before turning to look at me. "I don't know what my father's intentions are as far as my brother goes, but I promise to do everything in my power to keep him away from Kaitlin," he swears, reaching out to take my hand. "I can't overstep whatever he decides, but I'll do what I can to keep you safe. I'll up security here in the building. Hell, I'll even post a guard outside your apartment if you think you'd feel safer."
"I don't think that will be necessary, but thank you," I say with a small smile.
"You've got to know I'd do anything for the two of you, don't you?" he asks.
"I know Edward. I know."
"Oh, come on, Bella. He is kinda cute. What would one little date hurt?" Angela is my partner for the project we're working on in our forensics class, and she's adamant that my social life is lacking. She's been pushing me for weeks to accept Jacob's invitation to dinner.
"But I don't want to lead him on."
"How is it leading him on if you don't even know yourself if you'd hit it off. I mean, go out to dinner, maybe hit a movie or go to a club, see where it goes. It's not like you're accepting a marriage proposal."
"Angie, I'm not old enough to go to a club. I won't be twenty-one until September."
She waves me off. "Whatever. So, you don't hit a club. Or maybe," she says with a wiggle to her eyebrows. "Maybe you hit up one of the guys that have taken extra notes on forged documents. I'm sure they could fix you up with a fake ID."
"Angela, we're in school to get a degree in Criminal Justice. How can you be encouraging me to get something that's blatantly illegal?"
"Eh." She shrugs her shoulders. "I know you wouldn't be using it to do anything actually illegal. You don't strike me as the type who gets hammered on the weekends. You'd just be using it to get into the club."
"First of all, I don't want a fake ID. Second of all, I don't dance, so there's no point."
"But, would you at least put the poor guy out of his misery?" she asks as she points in his direction. And she's right; he does look miserable, which makes me feel bad.
My shoulders slump in what can only be described as defeat. "He does look pretty sad, doesn't he?"
"He does. And you don't even have to make a big deal out of it. You get a meal and an evening of adult time. What could it hurt?"
So, after the last class of the day, I find him before he leaves the building and I flag him down as he's walking out of the lecture hall.
"Jake, wait up!"
He spins around to see me sooner than expected, and I nearly collide with him as I run his way before skidding to a stop.
"What's up, Swan?"
"I was wondering, if uh, that invite to dinner was still open?"
"Really?" His face lights up into the biggest smile I've ever seen on him.
"Yeah, really."
"Of course it's still open. I'd love to take you to dinner."
I swallow down a lump that's suddenly formed in my throat. A funny feeling invades my belly, and I'm suddenly unsure this is a good idea.
"Well, I mean, I just thought we could go out as friends. Nothing serious. I mean, I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm focused on school, and my daughter comes first." My words come out in a jumbled rush before I can stop them. I hadn't intended on telling him about Kaitlin, but it's out there before I can stop it.
"You have a daughter?" he asks. "How did I not know that, Bella? I've known you for like eight or nine months, and you never mentioned her."
"It's not something I like to broadcast, you know? But I just wanted to be upfront, so you knew I wasn't up for anything serious."
"No, I get that. So, just something casual, huh?" Suddenly his grin looks salacious, and I wonder just how casual he thinks I want to be, so I feel the need to clarify things for him.
"Let me rephrase that. I'd like to go to dinner, as friends, and maybe a movie. Angela insists that I don't socialize enough, so I'm trying to branch out."
He nods. "Okay. I can do that. But I'm not going to promise I won't stop hoping for more."
I smile, knowing just how charming he can be. I'm only beginning to realize how much trouble I'm in. "Well, Jacob Black, you can hope all you want, but all I can offer you right now is friendship."
"And how well do you know this guy?" Edward has been grilling me about Jacob since I told him days ago I was going to dinner with him. My date is tonight, and he's continuing in his interrogation.
"I know him well enough, Edward. It's just dinner." I try to rein in my irritation as I rummage through my closet for something suitable to wear. If I ever needed the help of a sister or girlfriend, now is it. Getting ready for my first date is nerve-wracking enough, but since Rose wasn't able to come by, I also have to do it with no objective female opinion.
"Just dinner," he scoffs. "Do you know where he's taking you?"
"He said something about a pizza place."
When he's quiet longer than I think he should be, I turn to see him tapping away on his phone.
"Edward," I groan. "Please tell me you're not asking Alec to tail me tonight."
"Okay, I won't tell you," he says without looking up. When he's finished abusing the screen of his phone, he looks up as I'm holding two dresses in my hands. "And you're not wearing a dress tonight."
"What?" I ask in a huff. "What's wrong with a dress?"
He stands and grabs them both from my hands, placing them back in my closet. "Nothing, but it sends the wrong message. You said yourself you told him this was an outing between two friends, and a dress might give him the wrong idea."
"And what idea is that?"
He looks directly into my eyes, and it makes me take a half step away from him, his stare intimidating. "Bella, you're a beautiful, young woman." My eyes drop to my feet. "And you're a young mother, so he might have some preconceived ideas about your...past behavior."
"But I'm not-"
"I know that. But he doesn't know anything about you, not really. I don't want him to get the wrong idea. And as sick and twisted as it is, some men feel that the way a woman dresses gives them permission to behave any way they choose. I just... I don't want to see you get hurt, Bella."
I turn from him and gaze out the window of my bedroom. "It's just dinner with a friend," I say quietly.
I feel him get closer before I hear him. "I can guaran-fucking-tee you this guy wants more than friendship with you."
"That doesn't mean I'm going to-"
"No, it doesn't, but he's going to try, Bella. He's going to try to make it into more with you."
I turn back to look at him, and a wave of frustration comes over me. "Would that be so awful? I mean, I know I've said I'm not looking for more right now, but would it be so bad to find someone to be with? I'm twenty years old, and I'm just now going on my first date! Isn't there something wrong with that? Shouldn't I be out there enjoying these years, at least a little? I've never even had a kiss that wasn't under the influence of drugs," I finally scream. I've worked myself into tears, and Edward steps close enough to hold me as I fall apart.
"I just want something normal. I know I'm not ready for anything serious, but shouldn't I be able to have fun for once? All that was taken from me, Edward. I never got to experience anything like my friends did. When Charlie died, my whole world was turned upside down, your brother decided to take what he wanted, and a year later, I had a baby. I just..." I cry into his chest, my breath coming in stuttering sobs.
"Shh, it's all right, álainn." He's rubbing soothing circles on my back, trying to calm me and quiet my tears. "You're right. You deserve to... You deserve to go have some fun," he says almost reservedly. I look up at him and see the set of his jaw, and I know he'd rather I not go out. Always my protector.
"If it would make you feel better, I won't give you any trouble about Alec following me tonight," I offer. He visibly relaxes, even if only marginally.
"It would. I just, I'm very...protective of you, Bella."
"I know." I rise on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek, his stubble tickling my lips.
"Did he say what time the movie was?" Edward asks as he settles Kaitlin in front of the television with a bowl of dry cereal to munch on.
"No, Dad, but I'm sure I won't be too late," I say as I go through my purse making sure I have everything I need. I look up from my rummaging, and Edward's look of concern makes me chuckle. "I'll make sure he returns me before midnight. I wouldn't want to turn into a pumpkin," I say with a wink in Kaitlin's direction.
"Mommy, you siwwy. Cindawewwa didn't turn into a punkin, her cawidge did," she says with an eye roll, making me laugh.
"You're right, but I can't be too careful," I say as I sit next to her on the sofa.
"Where you goin, Mommy?" she asks as she eyes me in clothes I don't usually wear around the house or to class.
"A friend is taking me to dinner and to see a grown-up movie."
"I come, too?" she asks, hopeful.
"No," I say with a shake of my head. "This time it's just for the grown-ups."
"Deddie go too?"
"Not this time." My eyes flash to his, and I still see the concern there, and if I didn't know better, regret. "Now, give me kisses since I won't be here at bedtime."
She wiggles closer, and I get my fill of hugs and kisses before I head for the door.
"You'll call if there's a problem?" he asks as I near the door.
"I will. But I don't think there will be one, Edward. Besides, I've got a babysitter tonight, right?" I ask him playfully, knowing full well that Alec won't be too far away.
"Right," he replies, shaking his head. "But, you promise?"
"I promise Edward." I sneak another peck on his cheek then head for the elevator. Butterflies swarm my stomach as the elevator descends, and when I finally get to the ground floor, I'm a nervous mess. I told Jacob to meet me outside my building, so I step out onto the sidewalk.
I'm greeted by a polished version of Jacob; his usual cargo pants and T-shirt replaced with dark wash denim jeans and a crisply pressed button-up shirt. He's carrying a single yellow rose and wearing a bright smile, which he flashes me as I step closer.
"Wow, Bella, you look great," he says as I walk to his side. He reaches to hug me, but I step back just enough for him to get the idea. "Oh, sorry. Here," he says, handing me the rose. "I thought of you when I saw this."
"Thanks." I clutch it a little too tightly and discover a small, overlooked thorn. "Ouch!" I gingerly move it to my other hand and bring the abused, lightly bleeding digit to my mouth.
"Shoot, did I miss a thorn?"
"I think so," I mumble around my finger.
"I'm sorry. I'm messing this up from the beginning, aren't I?"
I shake my head and inspect the damage. "No, it's not your fault. It was small and easily missed. Really, don't worry about it."
"Well then, shall we?" He extends his arm to me and escorts me to his car down the block. The drive across the city isn't too bad, considering the time of day, and we soon find ourselves at Sal's Pizza, home of the three-pound pies.
Dinner conversation is light, and Jacob is funnier than I remember him being in our other encounters. When he orders one of the famous three-pound pies for himself, and then challenges himself to consume the entire thing, it occurs to me that he's just a young guy out having a fun night, not a care in the world. He has no real obligations, no one at home depending on him to make something of her life. Not like I do. I have someone who will miss out on her mommy reading her a bedtime story tonight, and it brings a sad smile to my face.
We walk side by side to the theater, and he buys our tickets, even though I offer to pay my own way. He insists that it's his treat, and maybe next time he'll let me buy. As we find our seats, I notice Alec sitting in the back row. How he knew what movie we were seeing is beyond me. Something tells me I don't really want to know. The movie Jacob chose for us is an action flick, so my mind is left to wander as I watch gratuitous violence fill the screen.
The whole evening has been kind of surreal in a way. On the one hand, I'm enjoying myself, but on the other, I think I'd rather be home watching Frozen for the thousandth time, snuggled with my little girl. I know, logically, that I should be enjoying myself and that I should be trying, for once, to act my age. But my head and my heart aren't matching up tonight.
When the house lights go back up, I'm brought from my thoughts, and there's no way I could tell you what the movie was about. We walk back to his car and the drive back to my place is quick and subdued. I think he can tell I'm not really in the mood to chat.
Insisting on walking me all the way home, he's by my side until we reach the front of my building.
"I had a great time tonight, Bella." He's nervously fidgeting with his hands in his pockets.
"Me too. It was, uh, it was fun." There. Not a lie. It was fun, just not the kind of fun I'm used to having.
"Maybe we can do it again some time?"
"Oh, yeah, maybe," I answer. I gesture with a thumb over my shoulder toward the door. "I just need to make sure I can get a sitter." I know it's a silly reason. Edward is almost always up for spending time with his Princess if he's not working.
"Yeah, sure, sure. So, I guess this is goodnight," he says with what sounds like a bit of hope in his voice.
"Yeah, I guess it is. Thanks for taking me out, Jake."
His hands have come out of his pockets, and they're opening and closing at his sides as if he's trying not to grab something. Then it occurs to me that being the end of the date, he may want to kiss me. The moment the thought crosses my mind, he steps forward, and his lips head for mine.
I turn my face at the last moment and put my hand gently on his chest, keeping him from coming any closer.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have asked first. I just-"
"No, it's okay. I'm just not ready for that yet."
"Yeah, I know. You've said that a time or twelve," he says with a small smile. "Just know I'm not going to stop trying."
"Yeah, I kind of figured that."
"See ya in class Monday?"
"Yeah, I'll see ya, Jake."
He waits until I'm inside the doors before turning to leave. I watch him walk back toward his car until he disappears from sight before turning to step into the waiting elevator. The doors close behind me, and I ponder the events of the night. I don't know what made me decide to turn my head...to not allow him to kiss me. He's a nice guy, we get along well, and he's really kind of cute in that boy-next-door way. But it seems no matter how hard I try, I just don't feel a spark between us.
When the elevator opens, and I walk to my door, I can hear the giggles of a little girl who should be in bed. As I step inside, my eyes fall on the two people, who, without fail, always make me smile.
"Mommy!" Kaitlin shouts when she sees me.
Her smile matches Edward's, and I feel like I'm home.
* a leanbh - my child
* álainn - beautiful
A/N: Lots of info here, so please read through it all!
Big thanks to Fyrebyrd, Gabby1017, Life and Death's Lullabies, and TheMetroDad for pre-reading, and to my beta, SunflowerFran. I fiddled a bit, so please remember, all mistakes are mine.
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