Something great
-.-.-
Alderande is no more.
The news leaves them devastated and they don't realize Mon Mothma's departure. How many billions of people on Alderande? How many families wiped out? Jyn curls up in her bed. She doesn't care about hurting her shoulder or her foot. She wants to be dead. How could she be alive when her father's weapon killed millions of children? She'd like the infirmary's unbearable noise and light to disappear. The others leave her to her pain, fortunately. She's not ready to endure the rebels' anger or compassion.
Cassian froze at Mon Mothma's speech. He only goes out of his torpor to explain the situation to Baze and Chirrut when they wake up after their operation. Baze almost has to shout to repeat Cassian's words so Chirrut can hear them. To Chirrut, each sound seems to come from far away, but he doesn't complain. Every word from Cassian and Baze makes Jyn blench and curl up under her blanket. After that, they all remain silent except for Chirrut who repeats in loops "I am one with the Force, the Force is only one with me" in a broken voice. He would have preferred to know nothing, to hear nothing.
"Is that what you felt?", he whispers to Baze, who's sitting next to him. "The day you lost your faith?"
Baze doesn't know how to answer. Seeing his companion go through the same inner torments that he went is more painful than he would have thought. He can only offer him the comfort of his hand on his arm. Chirrut lets him do for a while then gently pushes him away.
"There are others who also need comfort, my friend. Don't give up on them."
Cassian and Jyn's eyes are wide open, seeing a terrifying world. Baze has already experienced this. He looks at Jyn's hunched form.
"We can't save them little sister, but we can avenge them."
Jyn clings desperately to his arm and bursts into silent sobs. Baze lets her cry. He tries to remember the words of comfort he offered to temple novices, but it was too long ago, and he isn't that man anymore.
"My mother had faith", Jyn recalls when her tears are gone. "I don't remember much about it. I was still small when the man in white killed her. She believed in the Force and gave me her crystal just before she died. That's all I have of her now. She always said she had faith in the Force. It would be nice to believe she was right."
"Me too little sister. Me too."
"How did you lose faith?"
"The day Chirrut lost his sight. If the Force existed, it would not have allowed the Empire to destroy its temple and the best of our order to undergo what the Empire did to us."
He refuses to say more and Jyn just nods.
"You were the best of the order", Chirrut says.
He did not insist, and Baze is thankful to him. Jyn is calm now, so he seizes her fingers and unties them from his tunic. He peeks at Cassian. The man trembles and is bathed in cold sweat but would probably not take a gesture from Baze very well. Instead, Bazes go to a nurse and demands that Cassian and Jyn's beds be brought together. The man rolls his eyes at that new change, but he obeys. If he's whispering that Rogue One is the most co-dependent team he's ever seen, it's too low to be heard. The two beds are glued together, like Baze and Chirrut's are now. The two young people hug despairingly trying to comfort each other. Satisfied, Baze returns to his place near Chirrut.
Silence sets in again for a long and painful time. Then, the doors of the infirmary open suddenly. Two men, a woman and a Wookie enter, followed by a band of doctors.
"Let's finish as soon as possible", declares the young woman in a determined voice. "I have better things to do than undergo medical exams."
"Princess Leia, after what you've been through..."
"I have survived so far. I wouldn't let myself be locked in here while we decode the plans."
At these words from the princess, the four members of Rogue One straighten up. Their eyes are fixed on the princess. Only Chirrut looks elsewhere, captivated by one of her companions. The princess finally notices these looks and annoyingly disperses the doctors around her. When she sees Jyn, her eyes widen, and she comes closer.
"You are Jyn Erso? Galen Erso's daughter?"
Jyn says yes then looks away, ashamed. The woman standing in front of her lost everything because of her family. Jyn can't find anything to say and is taken by surprise when Leia grabs her hand and presses it.
"Thank you. These dogs of Vader and Tarkin may have prevented me from bringing the plans of the Death Star early enough to prevent it from being used a third time, but it is thanks to you that Alderande will be avenged."
"It's what my father would have wanted", tries to explain Jyn, throat tight, before being cut off by emotion.
The princess shakes her hand one last time and lets herself be dragged away by the doctors in another room. It suddenly seems tiny and fragile.
A medic takes upon him to explain to Rogue One how the plans arrived at the base. Joy and horror compete for first place in their hearts when they understand that the Death Star is coming and a race against time has started. The Alliance lost too many forces in the Battle of Scarif. It is impossible to evacuate, everything will end here, one way or another. The nurse is just finishing his explanation when the princess and her escort leave. Besides a few bacta patches, they seem perfectly healthy. The princess's eyes are reddened, but everyone pretends to ignore it.
"Can we help, your highness?" Asks Cassian.
"You'll help when you are better. I was told of what you've accomplished. If we find the Death Star's flaw in time, you will have helped save thousands of planets. You have done enough."
Praise bothers them more than anything else. If there is one thing they all agree on, it is that Rogue One has done what was necessary. They clumsily thank the princess and watch her leave with her companions.
The medical team disperses, the doctors shouting orders. An air battle is about to happen, they have to make room for the inevitable wounded. The five members of Rogue One are now a bother in the room.
They're moved to a reserve big enough for all of them but still small, poorly lit and crowded. As it's the first time that they have had a bit of privacy since their arrival, the team do not complain. Once left alone, Jyn sighs, looking at the door with envy.
"If only we could be part of it..."
"Yes, sighs Cassian. But for now, they need analysts and pilots, not who we are. We will have our chance later if they shoot it down."
"I didn't even think I would have another chance", Jyn confesses. "But having it and not being able to do anything is awful."
"The same. I thought my life was a small price for what I did, not end up on a hospital bed powerless."
"What we'll be doing next? If they destroy the Death Star?"
Nobody answers. All of them think about the future they've never envisioned. Secretly, they all want the same thing, but none of them dares to say it first. The others could have different thoughts. Jyn starts first. After all, she has nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
"I can't ... I don't want to be what I used to be. I will no longer hide from the reality of the galaxy's state. I want to participate, one way or another."
"Me too", approves Chirrut, "I think I'm going to stay. There are ... interesting people here."
Her smile is radiant, and his excitement palpable. Baze immediately suspects him of something.
"I'm staying too," he said, throwing inquisitive glances at his companion. "The Empire has to pay. I'm ready to help with this."
Cassian shouldn't have been so relieved that they were staying, but he was.
"We'll have to see what Bodhi and R2 say about it. Personally, I'd like to keep Rogue One alive. Despite the circumstances... we can make a good team."
There'll be obstacles, they all know that. Maybe some of them won't recover enough from their injuries to go back to the fighting. Perhaps they won't get the prosthesis they need for their lost limbs. The Alliance may not have the resources to provide it or a ship to give to the team. The Alliance can decide one or all of them is too unstable to give them responsibilities. Or they'll all die in a few hours, pulverized by the Death Star.
"I will speak with the Alliance command. We'll have to make concessions. Draven won't want to lose me. I'm one of his best elements, and there are two or three operations in progress which could be compromised if my face became public."
"Do what you have to", answer Jyn. "I stayed as far away from the rebellion and the Empire as possible, but I still have contacts that I can offer to the Alliance. Smugglers, unscrupulous imperial officers ... I even have my entries with a Moff with one of my identities."
"I have contacts in the underworld", adds Baze. "Some could be willing to sell their knowledge of the empire and its covert operations for a good price."
"Even Bodhi must have some knowledge of the Empire to offer in exchange of your liberty", adds Jyn. Then she frowns. "I know we have enough information to put on the table to negotiate, but I'm afraid for him. His mental state..."
Everyone turns to Bodhi, their excitement all but forgotten. The man is still unconscious in his bacta tank, but he looks better. More alive.
"You know what they did to him. It bothers you."
Chirrut's assertion makes Jyn sick. She hesitates then begins to speak.
"I grew up with Saw. He was a tough man who made me a tough woman. He believed that the only way to beat the Empire was to be worse than the Empire. For a long time, I agreed. Today, I don't know anymore. What kind of answer would he have against the Death Star? What kind of violence? Anyway, over the years he has allied himself with all sorts of unsavoury individuals. The Bor Gullet was one. I never really knew what it was, but I saw it do its thing once. I saw its victims. He violates their thoughts until he has seen all their memories, and he leaves behind only fragmented minds. His disappearance is the only good thing to take from the loss of Jedha. Bodhi was lucky to come out with part of his mind still intact."
"We met Saw once. He wanted to hire Jedhans to work with his partisans. He wanted Baze and was ready to deal with a crippled monk if it was the deal. He was the kind of man who found utility in everyone he encountered. A very unpleasant man."
"Yes. Leaving me behind was his only gift to me. I only see that now. But I was a child, I saw my mother die and my father disappear. I wanted him to be proud of me. I was ready to become like him. When he left me, it nearly destroyed me."
Her throat is dry. She had never spoken of her past to anyone before. She feels naked. She never considered sharing all of this. Her companions understand her emotion and look away to give her time to recover. Chirrut begins to meditate, whispering softly. Baze gets up and stumbles out of the room. He is glad to have recovered some sort of freedom of movement. Cassian, touched by Jyn's confession, thinks it's his time to talk.
"I've never known anything but the war. In my oldest memory, my family and I participated in a manifestation against the Republic. It was during the Clone Wars. I remember my father carrying me on the shoulders and the soldiers' retaliation. I was six when I first used a gun. I know nothing but war and guerrilla warfare. War and the Empire have made us who we are, whether of our own free will or against our will."
A few days earlier, Jyn would have taken this speech for an insult or a remonstrance. Now she sees that it's some kind of confession. She hears the regret in his voice. She smiles gently at Cassian. Their beds are close enough for her to move with minimal difficulty and pain from one to the other. She hugs Cassian, being careful of her injuries. He spreads an arm to help her curl up against him.
They don't really know how they feel about each other. They just know they feel better that way. As for the rest, by tacit agreement, they are ready to wait until they leave the infirmary to talk about it. They want to have time. The Death Star is near, but they don't want to go too fast, to regret it later. They want to be sure, and if they're right to think there's something between them, they want it to be strong and forever. For now, they happy to just smile and cuddle. The mantra of Chirrut helps them to fall asleep.
The monk smiles. It's good to feel them being so calm. He did not hear half of their conversation for his hearing is getting better, but not that much. He suddenly yearns for his carefree youth. Poor young people. They can't understand what carefree means. He suddenly feels old and not just because his bones remind him of his age. No, it is the loss of Jedha, its people, its traditions that makes him feel so tired. But his youth, Jedha, Baze's facial features, all this is in the past. He refuses to dwell on it. He prefers to think of the radiant future he felt in a young man who was still carefree. This one will walk in the sky and in the Force. Chirrut has always had confidence in the Force, but he never felt closer to it than in the presence of this boy. He knows there is a new hope growing in the entire galaxy. The thought soothes him, and he falls asleep.
"Unbelievable. You risk your life for humans, and what do they do? They just sleep when other humans nearly put you on the dump. Remind me to let you all die next time."
The whiny, metallic voice of K2-SO wakes up the three injured. They sit up to watch Baze and a mechanic put the droid on a shelf. He doesn't have arms or legs, but Baze grabs him firmly by the shoulder.
"The medical team who rescued us told the base mechanics to go get K2 in their shuttle. These fools did it but found it off. They decided that the best thing to do was to throw it directly in a corner to recover the components later."
Cassian's blood freezes in his veins. He straightens up and screams, not caring about the pain in his chest.
"What?"
"What did you want us to do?", says the mechanic. "Look at it, it's a wreck. Its databases have been affected, it can no longer function properly. We can't afford..."
"What? To save the droid responsible for transmitting the Death Star plans to Princess Organa? Or to save a prominent member of the Alliance's secret services? Certainly, the Alliance can't afford it."
Jyn's icy irony terrifies the man who stammers an apology just as K2 speaks.
"We didn't know that …"
"I did that?"
Taking advantage of the stunned silence, the technician begins to justify himself again.
"I told you that it's data were damaged. And it's not like we've got plenty of imperial droids' parts."
"Can I kill him Cassian?"
"I'm tented to say yes, but no. You, get out before I change my mind. And pray not to end up on the same planet as K2 the day he has arms again."
"Jyn gave me a gun", the droid proudly says.
The technician doesn't wait for more. When Baze releases him, he rushes out of the room. To give Cassian time to regain control of his emotions, he explains what happened.
-I needed to get out. Everyone is busy because of the alert, so the nurses couldn't stop me. I asked a few of them. I believe them when they say they obeyed you and went to ask where K2 was. But the technicians told them they had no idea."
Cassian swears in three different languages. Jyn's hand on his arm calms him, even though he sees the same cold anger in her eyes.
"K2? What do you remember?"
"Jyn gave me a weapon", answers K2, starting with what seems most important to him. "I was shot."
"Where?"
"Corellia."
They were on Corellia for a mission six months ago. Cassian's heart sinks, but he has to keep asking.
"How did you get out of the tower?"
"Tower?"
They all take turns telling him about the mission. K2 remembers details but is confused about the events' order. At one point in the conversation, he forgets what was said in the beginning. What he remembers is sometimes strange. He remembers very well the insults exchanged with Jyn or Cassian's survival rate at each critical moment of the mission. However, he forgot almost everything about his own participation.
"It's unfair", he ends up whining. "Why are droids always the most injured in a mission?"
"I hope you're joking !" Protests Jyn. "If it's a contest, we all won."
"We'll fix you Kay, but it'll take time", adds Cassian to calm him down. "You will have to find another body and transfer your data, and I hope the transfer doesn't damage your personality. It will be hard since I've only a vague idea of what I did when coding it."
"What do you mean?"
"Its reprogramming code is absolutely disgusting", explains K2.
"In my discharge, I had lost two litres of blood, you shot me almost at close range, I was knocked out by the cocktail of drugs that I had injected to endure the pain, and there were two tons stones that could fall on us at any time. I've not forgotten anything?"
"Dark Vador was going to disembark from one moment to the next to question you, you had to leave the planet before he arrived."
"No, that was the next mission."
"Interesting times", laughs Chirrut.
"The company was more pleasant", retorts K2.
"Kay! That's enough. And I imagine that everyone here has lived more than their share of bad encounters with the Empire."
Chirrut laughs.
"Well, there was this time..."
"No", protests Baze. "Not that one. We don't talk about it anymore."
"As long as I can still tell the story with master Jyn and padawan Kenobi in the kybers crystal caves, I imagine I can give up the epic tale of Baze Malbus and the imperial collector in the sewers of Jedha."
Everyone star asking for details much to Chirrut's delight when they hear an alarm rings in the distance. The sound is muffled, but the message is clear. The Death Star is coming.
They immediately lost all desire to joke. Ten minutes pass, then the alarm stops. Cassian knows what that means; Rebellion pilots have left to fight. Jyn is livid. The alarm was too loud, her comrades' voices are too loud. It hurt her head and gave her a terrible headache. It's hard but she manages to ignore it. She's terrorized, so it's easy to ignore her pain.
They're trapped. They can't flee, and they wouldn't. They fled the Death Star twice, leaving behind death and destruction. This time, they will die with the others if they cannot fight. But it is hard for them to stand there, wounded and disarmed while others are fighting. It is their fight, and they are helpless.
Every second, they wonder why they are still alive. They expect to feel the earth shake and fragment. Soon, they may just be debris in space. Stardust.
"I'm glad he's still sleeping", Jyn whispers, looking at Bodhi. "I would prefer not to have woken up."
"No, I prefer this way of dying", sighs Chirrut, shaking Baze's hand. "It is better to be surrounded by your loved ones and to be able to speak to them than to go alone surrounded by the smell of ash and metal."
Baze swears. His hand itches to want to hold a gun. Cassian mentally sees the wall of debris threatening to engulf them and prays that death is instantaneous. He does not want to see the others' agony.
Through the loudspeakers, a voice say: "Five minutes before the Death Star is within range. May the Force be with our pilots, and with us. "
Five minutes of fear and dread. Every minute is endless and too short at the same time. Rogue One stands there in silence. Their breath is short, their throats are dry. They count every second, and when the time is almost up, Chirrut's voice rises, serene.
"I am one with the Force. The Force is with me."
First hesitant, then more firmly, Jyn's voice joins his, then it's Cassian's hoarse voice. Finally, Baze sighs and joins his voice to theirs in perfect harmony.
"I am one with the Force. The Force is with me."
Then, the five minutes are over. They're still alive but they can't give in to hope so they continue to pray. Maybe they won. Perhaps the Death Star takes its time to torture them more before killing them.
"I am one with the Force. The Force is with me."
They only stop when the loudspeaker turns on again. Leia Organa yells "They did it! Luke Skywalker destroyed it!" and an explosion of joy echoes throughout the infirmary. They are first stunned, then serene. They lived to see their task fulfilled.
Jyn looks up and laughs. The sound surprises herself. She hasn't laughed sincerely since she was a child. Cassian laughs and cries at the same time. He can't stop. Jyn straightens up and kisses him lightly.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm happy to be alive. I'm happy to be with you. Today, I don't want to ask myself more questions."
He gives her kiss back then bursts out laughing. K2, which has so far been strangely silent, chooses that moment to turn on again.
"If I believe the excessive demonstrations, I imagine that we all survived?"
"Didn't you realize?"
"I preferred to die. I prefer to not realized I was dying, so I turned off."
For his part, Baze whispers a thank you to the Force. Chirrut gasps in amazement and kisses him.
"I always knew you would come back to us."
Baze grumbles. He will explain to his lover later that believing again does not change anything, that he will always have his doubts and his resentments towards the Force, that he will never be that young monk again. Of course, Chirrut already knows that.
The door opens. Their zabrak medic enters, his cheeks red and a bright smile displayed on his face.
"Everyone okay here? Sorry to have abandoned you a bit in the last few hours. We'll receive the surviving pilots in a few minutes. We've been informed of some seriously injured people, we'll probably be busy for a part of the night, then we'll come back to you and put you in the bacta tank another time, if we have any left. Unless there are problems to deal with immediately?"
They're fine and they say so. Their condition does not require urgent attention. Relieved, the zabrak rushes back to help receive the first wounded. He leaves the door open and Rogue One can see the pilots' return, skinned, burned, but happy. They seem to find more relevant to describe to the medics their experience of the battle than the severity of their injuries. The arrival of Luke Skywalker, sent by force to be examined by Princess Leia, is greeted with applause.
Bodhi wakes up to cries of joy. His back hurt. So does his hands but he doesn't panic. That explosion of joy tells him that he's not in the hands of the Empire. His friends are there near him, smiling at him. He didn't know they could do that. He doesn't know if he can.
"Hey Bodhi", Jyn's lying in a bed against Cassian which is unexpected. "We did it."
Bodhi bursts into tears. He succeeded. Is that enough to redeem his actions in the Empire's service?
"We did it", he managed to say. "Galen would be proud."
Bodhi realizes that he is also smiling through his tears and he raises his hands to wipe them away. His left hand is covered with bandages. The right is gone.
Bodhi screams.
Baze and Jyn rush to hold him, but he struggles with a force they didn't know he had.
"It's going to be okay Bodhi", Jyn tries to comfort him. "We'll have a new hand made for you, I promise.
He doesn't even hear her.
"I can't be a pilot if I can't drive", he explains between two sobs. "I am the pilot. I am the pilot."
Tears in her eyes, Jyn holds him until the arrival of a nurse armed with a syringe of sedative.
It's the sixth day since Scariff, and they don't have a tenth of yesterday's enthusiasm. Bodhi is very quiet. His eyes constantly go from his companions to his hand. It's easy to tell that Jyn and Baze have not slept. Jyn couldn't sleep because of the ubiquitous noise coming from the medical bay. Too many people coming and leaving. Baze fought all night against his crisis of faith. Cassian is not much better. He worries too much about the future to sleep or rejoice about their victory. He realizes that he hasn't changed. He remains too obsessed with the final victory to dwell on yesterday's winnings. The only difference is that the survival of Rogue One is now also at the centre of his thoughts.
The arrival of Doctor Nankusa and three nurses successfully distract them from their dark thoughts. The doctor focuses on Bodhi, gradually reassuring him with her whispers. The Zabrak medic takes care of Jyn.
"It will take another short bath of bacteria to repair your muscle tear in the foot. Luckily, you didn't make the situation much worse by getting up last night. Your dislocated shoulder is getting there, but I'm worried about your headaches. Is there any other problem?"
Jyn hesitates. She's not used to showing weakness. Where she grew up, giving the impression of being weak was a bad thing. It will take time before she's truly comfortable to confide in friends or a doctor.
"It feels like there's always too much noise and light. Sometimes I feel like even my hairs make too much noise, and I feel nauseous if I move too suddenly."
"It must be the result of your head trauma. I'm not going to lie to you, there's nothing we can do about it, except hope it disappears someday. It can last three months, a year ... or stop tomorrow. I imagine that we can add that to the long list of health problems related to your little trip on Scarif. It's starting to get long. When I see you and the other, the difference is impressive."
"What do you mean?"
"Princess Organa, Skywalker, Solo and the Wookie? Well, the princess was torture by Vader before it began, but if we forget that, they've got a total of six bumps, two slight blast shots' burns and three scratched skinned legs."
Six incredulous grunts acknowledge him.
"The Force was with them", notes Chirrut with just a little annoyance in his voice.
"And their droids?" K2 asks.
"The protocolar droid is doing well. The astromecano will have to undergo repairs, but it should recover entirely."
"It is unfair. They should at least have lost a few arms and legs too."
"K2!"
"What, you don't agree with me?"
Nobody dares to answer him. Yes, they all think that there is some form of injustice there. The Force must have its favourites, but it's not something they'll say out loud for fear of looking silly or jealous.
Finally, the doctors leave, leaving them to rest. They'll be allowed one bacta bath in the afternoon, but it will be the last. And after that, they'll have to think about prostheses. But the Rebellion can't afford to help them anymore. Yavin IV's medical supplies are running low, and it is mostly their fault. Before she leaves, Doctor Nankusa leans over Cassian and give him a final recommendation.
"Your pilot friend will recover physically, but his mind's state worries me. He seems to be recovering from his torture, and Jyn Erso explained to me what happened. If you can, make him talk about his injuries, how he got them. It would help him to accept what's happened to him."
He nods and watches her go. When they're alone, he turns to Bodhi's bed. It's probably better to be direct, but Cassian will let him have the choice to stay silent, at least for now. It's not an interrogation. Bodhi's not a prisoner.
"So Bodhi, what happened after we left? I'm impressed that you managed to fly the ship with these injuries."
Bodhi looks down, ashamed. He remembers. Someone fired a grenade into the ship. He jumped on it and sent it away, then threw himself on the ground. He put his hands on his neck to protect hit from the shrapnel. He felt the explosion. It was awful, the pain on his back. His hand burned. He thought it was too close, that there would be damage in the engine. He did not take care of his injuries, it was more important to find and save his partners. He almost killed them all. It was nearly not enough.
"I did what I could", he ends up saying, still fixing the ground.
It will take him two more months to tell this story to his friends. When he will hear Jyn laugh, muttering his name with despair and amusement, only then he'll understand he's a hero.
But for now, his companions are not insisting. Bodhi can see that they are treating him like something fragile. Truly, he feels like his mind could break at any time, but it hurts him to be treated like this. He would like to be strong like them. They seem to ignore the pain easily, and Bodhi finds it's so hard to accept what he's lost. His mind, his family, his city... It's so hard. It's almost a relief for Bodhi to be led into the bacta tank.
The bacta does wonders for all of them. It feels good to not feel pain for a few hours, and they doze for the duration of the treatment. The few times they open their eyes, they can watch the busy medical team packing the material.
Before the Death Star's fall, the Rebel Alliance could not afford to lose the few ships they didn't lose above Scarif in a second space battle, even to evacuate some of the base personnel. Now, it's urgent to leave, in case Tarkin has transmitted his position to the rest of the imperial troops.
Cassian thinks he probably didn't. Tarkin was the kind of man who kept all his operation's detail to himself until the end. That way, he could have all the credits of its success. Still, it's the Empire. No precautions are superfluous.
Before the departure, a thank-you ceremony is held for the heroes who helped destroy the Death Star. Baze and Jyn are the only members of Rogue One who can go, but they decline.
"My father helped to destroy this horror. But the daughter of its designers can't stand next to the last of the Organa. It would be bad taste".
Cassian does not agree with Jyn but respects her decision. As for Baze, he categorically refuses to go to the ceremony and refuses to explain himself. They all understand it is linked to his crisis of faith, and because Chirrut can't go. The leaders of the Alliance do not insist. They have four heroes to show off, radiant with youth and good health.
As soon as the ceremony's end, everyone leaves as far as they could. Dozens of vessels of all sizes take off. Rogue One is more thrown than led to a medical vessel. In two hours, there is no trace of the Rebellion on Yavin IV, apart from the lack of dust inside the old buildings and some recently cleared clearings that served as landing strips. Off they go, to a new base.
The first five days after Scarif were very long for Rogue One, because of how much pain they felt and because how anxious they were about the Death Star's plans. In comparisons, time flies like an arrow on the following weeks. To be fair, nothing happens in the infirmary, and they are more and more impatient to leave each day. Outside, on the contrary, everyone seems to be requisitioned for an urgent and dangerous mission. In the infirmary, people come and go with a story to tell about a chase with Darth Vader, the interception of a prisoners' convoy or the rescue of other rebels. They treat Rogue One as heroes, but not with this deferential camaraderie that people adopt towards Skywalker. No, they look at their wounds and treat them as invalids who will never again serve the Rebellion. Chirrut is the only one having fun. He doesn't see a difference from the way people usually act towards him.
Jyn takes it very badly. Of them all, she is the first to be physically on her feet. Unfortunately, as soon as she starts training to recover her lost stamina, she is beset with headaches and nausea. Her hyperacusis often forces her to take refuge in the infirmary where she is busy helping Cassian and K2 to analyze the latter's programming for the day when they find him a spare body.
After three weeks of complete immobilization, the Rebellian finds the resources to give Cassian a knee prosthesis. He must undergo two weeks of laborious rehabilitation before he finally receives permission to get up. He nearly runs out of the infirmary on his crutches to beg Mon Mothma and Leia Organa to find him something to do, even archiving data. He didn't know that inaction made him so nervous. He must do something, anything, because if he's not too tired to think, his mind goes back and forth about the worst acts he has committed in the service of the Alliance all night, and he vomits in the nearest toilet, supported by Jyn who have insomnias too. Fortunately, Mothma and Organa understand. The second takes him in her analysts' team. It's good because Cassian doesn't need to go to general Draven to request his leave. Two days later, Jyn settles down next to him to help him, without asking anyone's permission. No one protest.
Bodhi is the second to benefit from a prosthesis and contemplates with relief his new hand for hours. He gets up slowly every day to avoid the dizziness that sometimes grips him, walks and stretches several times a day. If he tries to do too much, the doctors threaten him, he risks tearing a muscle or reopening the wounds on his back. He was very close to never walk again without assistance. The doctors are surprised to see him follow their orders without complaining. But it's simple for him. Bodhi wants to fly back one day. He will not risk destroying his dream because he was in too much of a hurry. Chirrut tells anyone who wants to hear that Bodhi has the patience of a Jedi. Baze replies that they have to meet the same Jedi. Finally, he obtains the authorization to venture to the side of the hangar where the resistance pilots met. He's welcomed with open arms, to his surprise. They almost quarrel to obtain the privilege to help him repair a ship to train his new hand to do challenging tasks.
The two former monks are far from showing the same patience as Bodhi and the medical team despairs. They decided they'll be on their feet as soon as possible and ignore all advice to take things slow. The nurses are struggling to hide everything that can be used as a cane for Chirrut before his operation, but he always finds something to do the trick. As soon as he finally got his leg, things get worse. He leaves the infirmary all the time looking for specific places to meditate or to search for Luke Skywalker and talk for hours with him. Therefore, the doctors cant prevent Baze from chasing after him, even if he still limps slightly and the doctors would like to see them in bed for a few more days.
Weeks after weeks, their condition improves, except for K2. His memory
deteriorates more and more, to the point that he eventually chooses to shut down until his companions find him an adequate body.
The five humans escape from the infirmary all the time, with or without an agreement, but they return every night. They want to get a good health report as soon as possible, and they have to prove to the exhausted doctors that they're getting better. They let them redo the bandages, check the healing of their wounds and their bones. They also talk to each other. It's difficult at first, but it gets easier. Jyn tells them of her mother's death and ends up in Cassian's arms, shaking. Bodhi talks about his quiet childhood on Jedha, his commitment and his disillusionment with the Empire and how he desperately wanted to quit when he saw the truth. Cassian admits that he was not even nineteen the first and only time he considered suicide before giving up and resting his blaster on his lap. Not because he was afraid, but because he thought it was selfish to kill himself to forget his suffering and shame while there was so much to do to restore freedom in the galaxy. Baze talks about the anguish that gripped him when he returned from a pilgrimage to the other side of the planet to discover that the temple was destroyed and that Chirrut had been taken by the Empire for refusing to comply. He talks about the horror that gripped him when he infiltrated the prison and discovered the man he desperately loved, half-naked and half-dead, and blind. Chirrut, only talks about the past if he can evoke joyful moments, their first kiss in the rain, the beauty of kyber crystals. Other times, he tells them about the future, the Force and Skywalker.
They really get to know each other. They know what makes them happy, what makes them sad. They know what topics can be discussed and when. They learn to deal with Chirrut's humour, Baze's snoring and grunting, Bodhi's nervous laughter, Jyn's fit of anger and Cassian's silence. They learn to stop worrying about each other and to form a family.
Of course, they still suffer from what they have endured. Sometimes they wake up sweating, hearing explosions or blaster shots that exist only in their heads. They close their eyes, and they can feel the sand of Scarif under their feet and taste blood in their mouths. They know that they will never get over it, that they will always feel like they live on borrowed time because they should have died on Scarif's beaches.
And finally comes the evening when Mon Mothma invites herself in their room in the infirmary. She smiles and tells them that the Rebel Alliance has a mission for Rogue One. And that night, they're ready. They know what to do next: they'll turn their unexpected survival into something great.