A/N Happy Football day! Here I am with another chapter and I gotta tell you, this one gives me the giggles. I hope it does you as well. Everybody needs a laugh on the weekend, right?

I'm about to go do a final fantasy check after I post this at all the usual locations. Running back injuries (and McCoy sucking, thanks Eagles) are kicking my ass hard this week. As for college, how about them Mississippi schools? I admit I thought last weekend was their glory and things would change this week but that's the beauty of college football. You just never know. They look scary. As for my team? They scare me in a whole different way. Next week they play Notre Dame (who I hate with a passion) and if they don't win, Ima be pissed. I hope they're saving the good stuff for next week because they've yet to show it this year, despite winning. We shall see. The parentals are visiting next week so that'll distract me anyway.

Someone made a joking comment in a review last week, which didn't upset me, but I did want to address it. I've never said what color Edward's current teammates are. There's a reason for that. I don't think it's important. But nearly 70% of the NFL is African American (I think I heard that stat on ESPN recently, not sure) so it's safe to assume that he's interacting with all races. There aren't many American Indian NFL players, so just because I'm using the pack's names doesn't mean I see them that way. The way I figure it, Edward's been playing football for so long with so many different types of people that he doesn't really see in colors either. They're teammates, plain and simple. So, just wanted to clarify that. You guys picture them however you want :)

Happy football watching to those that do! Have a great week ahead and see you next week with more!

Getting Blitzed Chapter 6

"What do you think, boys? Is he walking funny?"

I flipped Sammy off as I made my way to the bench press. So I was late today. My girl had left, and even after only two days with her, sleeping without her was fucking impossible. I'd tossed and turned so much that even Rainbow had abandoned me. That had pretty much never happened.

"What's the matter, Cullen? Your girl wear you out?"

I shot Brady a look as I adjusted my weights. "Is that envy I detect in your voice?"

"Hell, yes! No wonder you never go out with us when you've got a girl like that waiting for you."

I smiled in approval at Sammy. "I told you."

"Yeah, but damn. I almost swallowed my tongue when she walked into the room. And I'm pretty sure Colin shot a load under the table."

"Fuck off," he grunted as he hefted a good three hundred and fifty pounds. "I didn't jizz." He better fucking not have. "Until later." He laughed at the expression on my face. "Kidding, but she's hot."

"I thought Heidi was going to have an aneurism when she saw you two together. I guess she won't be getting you to contribute to her personal charity." Sammy grinned at me. "I'll be happy to be her star community leader in your place."

I snorted at that implication. "Have at it. Though I think you'd be her charity case instead."

"I've got all the charity she needs," Brady offered.

"Yeah, too bad for us she's all hot for Cullen. You gonna hit that, bro?"

I glared at Colin. "I don't cheat on my girl."

He held up his hands in a sign of peace. "No offense meant, man. If I had a girl like Bella, I'd do the same. But you never know with people."

"Well, now you know." I couldn't help but be pissed off at the implication that I'd ever consider cheating on my Reed Girl. "I've had more than my fair share of girls, and there's nobody who compares to my Bella."

"Hey, man, I get it. Even if I can't fathom hitting the same pussy for my entire life, it works for some people."

I rolled my eyes at Colin's idiocy. It was rare times like this that I actually missed Jasper and my brother. They understood what I had with Reed Girl.

"I think Edward's lucky. Yeah, a different girl every night can be fun, but there are times I wish I had someone to talk to about my day, to make me dinner and rub my shoulders after a hard day at work."

I laughed at Sammy's stupid ass. I'd love to see the look on Reed Girl's face if I expected her to have dinner on the table for me and a massage at the ready every night. I mean, sometimes she did that for me, and it was awesome. And sometimes I did that for her. And other times, we ordered in and cuddled on the couch or ate in bed and fuck…I missed her.

"That's not quite how it goes. Reed Girl would kick my ass if I expected her to have dinner on the table every night, but she's always willing to talk about my day and hers." I shrugged before I started to lift. "Since she's not here right now, I have to deal with just talking on the phone, but even that with her is better than fucking some random chick who means nothing to me." And…I probably sounded like a pussy. I could feel their eyes on me as I started my reps.

"Um, why do you call her Reed Girl?" Colin asked tentatively, probably scared I'd go off on him for having implied I'd ever cheat on my girl. And I would go off if he ever implied it again.

Shit, I'd slipped and used her nickname around these guys. I better never do that shit about Rainbow. I'd never live that down.

I laughed and told them the story of how we met. Most of the free world had seen clips of me running into the stands after the National Championship game, so they seemed thrilled to get the whole story.

"Anyway, she's always Reed Girl when we're alone or with our friends. I only use Bella in more formal settings." Or when I wanted to turn her the fuck on. It still never failed…A whispered Bella in her ear with a little nibble to go along with it, and her panties flew off in record time. That shit would never get old.

"Dude, you got laid in the locker room by a girl whose name you didn't even know. You are fucking legend!" Brady took the bar from me and slapped me hard on the back.

I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have shared that with them, but Reed Girl and I had never hidden how we met. And let's face it, our story was fucking epic.

"She's the hottest stalker ever," I told them. And she was. I'd happily be stalked until the end of time by my girl.

"Why can't that shit happen to me?" Sammy whined.

I tossed my sweat towel at him as I stood up, hitting him right in the face. "Because you're not Edward Cullen."

"Dick." He threw it back, and I caught it before it could hit me. "I'm gonna have to up my game if I hope to compete with that."

Remembering just how fucking hot it was, when I'd been cornered by my angry, sexy girl, I shook my head. "You couldn't begin to." Reed Girl was one of a kind. No matter whom he got, and where, they'd never be as awesome as she was.

"I have a new admiration for you, Cullen. It's a good thing for all of us you're not single. Pretty-boy quarterback with girls throwing themselves at you. I still can't believe you'd give that up, even if Bella is hot as hell."

Colin would never get it until some girl turned his world upside down the way Reed Girl had mine. "Well, consider yourselves lucky. They're all yours."

His dark eyes lit up. "Hey, maybe you could come out with us and brush them off, leaving us to dry their tears and offer them comfort."

I laughed and shook my head. "Sorry. No can do."

"Man, does Bella have your balls down in Tallahassee?"

That fucking did it. I poked a finger in his chest, not caring that he had a good seventy pounds on me. I'd knock his ass out if he thought he could insult me or my relationship.

"My balls are exactly where they belong, not that that's any concern of yours. If I were to go out with you guys, the girls wouldn't even notice you, and the tears I'd make them cry for their pathetic attempts to get with me would have them running from the table instead of into your arms. Nobody fucks with my relationship-not club sluts, not horny PR chicks, and certainly not you. Got it?"

"Damn, dude, chill out. I was joking." Colin eyed me warily, as did everybody in the gym.

"Yeah, you okay, man?" Sammy patted me lightly on the shoulder.

Fuck. "I'm fine." I shrugged at Colin. "I slept for shit last night. Sorry I snapped at you." Because she was gone and I fucking hated it. Getting a little bit of her was like an alcoholic going on a drinking binge for a weekend and then going cold turkey on Monday. I craved more, and I couldn't have it.

"It's okay. I was being a dick."

"You're always a dick," Brady told him helpfully. "We're all jealous that Cullen has a mega-hot girl, but we should count ourselves lucky that we don't have to compete with him now. And it's time for position meetings, so we'll have to commiserate about it later."

"You commiserate; I'll bask in it," I said, making them laugh and lightening the tension in the room some. That was a good thing. I really didn't need for my lineman to hate me. One purposely missed block, and I could get knocked out of a game.

"Prick. Let's go."

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Fortunately, I was able to lose myself some in game tapes. We had our first preseason game against the Steelers, and I studied their blitz patterns and schemes with everything I had in me. I was going to be ready for Friday night. It'd be my first pro game, even if it was just a glorified scrimmage. I still wanted to look good. Not that that was ever a problem, but still.

After hours of meetings, I was starving. I pushed out of the office, ready to hit the cafeteria, but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Heidi leaning against the wall in front of me.

"Edward! I was hoping to catch you."

I just bet you were. Unfortunately for you, I'm already caught.

"It's not a good time. I need to eat before practice."

"I'd never want to get in between a man and his hunger." She licked her lips. "It so happens that I'm hungry. Perhaps I could join you? Or we could get our lunches and go to my office. It'd be more private."

Shit, this chick didn't do subtle, did she? That's okay, neither did I.

"Sorry, Hermoine, I promised the guys I'd meet up with them. We need to go over some plays for Friday." Ha! The look on her face was priceless. All those hours Reed Girl had made me spend watching those damn Harry Potter movies were totally worth it now.

"It's Heidi. And I'd be happy to join all of you."

Sure she would. "Whatever." I hurried down the hallway, and she scurried to keep up with me in her skirt and heels. I wasn't going to make it easy for her. Fuck that noise.

"I really think it's important that we get together to talk about your foundation."

My what? "What foundation?"

"If you'd stop running, I could explain." She reached for my arm, and I quickly jerked it away from her.

"I don't think you need to touch me in order to talk to me."

She sighed. "I was just trying to slow you down."

I stopped since we were right outside the cafeteria and I could hear voices inside. If she did anything I didn't like, I'd be in there so fast her head would spin.

"What do you want?" I didn't have the patience to be professional today.

"Many players establish their own foundations, especially the high-profile ones. Eli supports children's clinics, Jason Pierre Paul supports children's education, Sammy does March of Dimes…the list goes on and on. It's not required, but being a part of the community is strongly encouraged by every NFL team."

Crap. She was actually trying to do her job, and I was being a dick. "Sorry, it's a shit day and I'm not really thinking clearly. I'd love to start something up, but I'm not sure what yet."

"I'd be happy to help you figure it out. I have a wonderful list of local and national charities if you'd like to take a look."

"Sure. Just give me a copy or something, and I'll look it over."

"Oh, it's up in my office. Perhaps you could stop by at the end of the day and we could talk it out. It's important that you select something that you're passionate about. Is there anything in particular that gets you going?"

Holy fuck, was she serious? Yeah, she was. She reached for me again, and I stepped back.

"I'm passionate about my fiancée." Get the message, bitch. It was seriously hard not to just turn on my inner asshole, but this was work and I really did need to set something up.

She let out one of those fake-ass laughs that way too many girls did when they were flirting and getting shut down. "I don't think we can spin that into a foundation."

Maybe not, but I had an idea that made me grin. Unfortunately, she thought it was for her and stepped toward me again. Fuck no.

"My fiancée is an incredible musician. I'd love to get involved with something that had to do with children and music, perhaps arts education programs for local schools. Bella would be thrilled to help, and she just had a tryout with the New Jersey Symphony, so she'll have some connections once she starts working there."

Her smile had faded, and I felt triumphant as hell.

"I'll have to look and see what might fit the bill. That's pretty specialized."

"Sounds great. I'd be happy to give you Bella's number if you'd like to speak with her about it. She'd be heavily involved in any foundation I set up." I smiled at the frown she was sporting at the idea of going through my girl to get to me. "And knowing my girl, she'll have awesome ideas."

"I'm sure she will, but it's really important that you be involved as well."

"Where she goes, I go. No worries there." Yeah, I made myself sound like a pussy-whipped little bitch, but that was okay. I sort of was.

"Right, well, I should let you eat."

"Yeah, that works." Remembering what I had to do later had another idea come to me. "We also love animals. So I'd like to do something with the SPCA or Humane Society." Reed Girl would be thrilled with that one. She wanted more pets, but we both knew Rainbow would have a fit if any other animal dared cross our threshold.

"I can definitely work something out there."

"Great, we'll be in touch."

She started to say something else, but I was over it, heading into the cafeteria without a look back to see what else she wanted. Hell, I knew what she wanted, but she couldn't have me. I wasn't on the menu.

Xoxoxoxoxox

"Okay, Rainbow, this is important."

Big golden eyes looked back at me, and I was pretty sure she understood that I wasn't fucking around.

"You know that I have to travel some weekends when I have away games."

She head-butted my face, clearly not realizing what I was saying or she'd get pissy like she usually did when I left.

"We both know that you can't be trusted to be alone a few nights without pissing on shoes or pillows or shit. And we won't even talk about what you did to my favorite chair when I went to passing camp last summer." Some things were better left unsaid. I was pretty sure she willed herself to have diarrhea right on the cushion. I felt sick just thinking about it.

"So, you need to be nice to the lady who is coming over here to interview to be our housekeeper."

Housekeeper my ass. She was really going to be my Rainbow keeper. She'd be staying over on the nights that I wasn't going to be around. Reed Girl had laughed at me when I'd told her I was going to hire a babysitter for Rainbow, but she wasn't going to be here to deal with her shit, literally. This was the best course of action by far. If Rainbow was a normal animal, I could just get our neighbor, Mrs. Sellers, to check in on her a couple times a day, but no. Rainbow needed to be watched, closely.

Rainbow put her paw on my face.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. You be on your best behavior, and you'll get all the treats you can scarf down."

That word always worked on Rainbow. She started to go apeshit and rub all over my face, so I grabbed the container and gave her a few.

The doorman buzzed right after she got off me, so I headed to the door to greet the person the agency had sent over. I'd requested someone who was nurturing, even though I didn't have any kids. I figured they'd send a nice grandmotherly type over that would hopefully spoil the shit out of Rainbow and make her happy.

I opened the door, and the smile of greeting I'd plastered on my face slipped off when I saw what awaited me. This was no grandmother. This chick was in her early twenties, and she was a lot better looking than what I'd pictured, with long dark hair and eyes that were nearly black and a body, well, a few years back, I'd have fucked her without question. Was she wearing a bra? It didn't look like it. I felt bad for noticing and immediately looked at her face.

"Edward Cullen? I'm Gianna Rossi." Her accent was heavy on the Italian.

I was pretty sure I'd never seen a housekeeper that looked like this one. Where in the hell had Colin come up with this company?

I realized she was still standing in the doorway looking at me questioningly, so I stepped back and let her enter, wishing like hell that Reed Girl were here.

"This is very nice home," she said, looking around with interest.

"Thanks." I led her into the living room, where Rainbow awaited. I gestured to the couch while I sat in my recliner. "So have you been doing this long?"

"For a little more than a year." She held out a hand, and Rainbow took a sniff. "Pretty kitty."

"She thinks so."

Rainbow apparently found her lacking, because she didn't rub on her. She sat next to Gianna and promptly started to lick her ass area. If that wasn't a sign, I didn't know what was.

Time to get this interview over with. "What duties do you do?"

She sat up a little straighter. "I clean kitchens, bathrooms, windows." She glanced at the wall of glass across the room. "Lot of windows, I see."

"Yeah." I fucking loved the view from this place. I was meant to live here.

"I do laundry, vacuum, anything but cook."

That all sounded perfect. "What about the litter box?" Because that was the worst part of having a cat, cleaning up their crap. I really should teach Rainbow to use the toilet like that cat did in Meet the Parents. Rainbow was totally smarter than the cat in that movie.

She glanced at Rainbow again, who was steadily ignoring her as she groomed herself. "I can do that."

So far so good, even though I had a feeling Reed Girl would not be on board if I hired this woman. Still, she wasn't hitting on me, and I certainly wouldn't hit on her, so maybe it would be okay.

"And you'd be willing to stay over certain weekends when I have away games?"

She looked at me and shrugged. "It's not usually in job description, but I could."

"Okay." I figured I'd explain about Rainbow after I actually hired someone. They didn't need to know her psychotic tendencies before they were locked in.

"Would you like a demonstration of what I do?" she asked, standing from the couch.

Demonstration? I wasn't sure why I needed to see her clean windows or whatever, but what the fuck did I know? I'd never hired a housekeeper before.

"Um, sure?" I managed, it coming out more like a question than an answer.

She bent over, right in front of my face, and took a feather duster out of her bag. Alrighty then. If she carried her own supplies around, good for her.

She smiled at me as she started dusting the coffee table. Rainbow perked up when she saw feathers and tried to jump at the thing, making us both laugh. Gianna let her wrestle with it for a minute, earning some real points in my eyes. Making Rainbow happy was the goal, after all.

"Are you a dirty girl? You need dusting?" Okay, that was weird, but Rainbow didn't seem to care, trying her damndest to rip the feathers out of the thing. "Does your owner need dusting?"

Before I could react, she'd swiped the feathers across my cheeks. "What the fu-"was all I got out before I looked up and saw that her shirt was wide open and I'd been right about the lack of bra.

I leaped out of the chair and hurried behind it, keeping it between us. "Look, lady, I don't know what you think you're doing. I'm engaged. I just want a housekeeper, not a hooker!"

"I'm not hooker!" She started gesturing wildly, but I wasn't looking at whatever she was doing. I kept my eyes on her face. "This is job!"

"What kind of job requires you to be topless, other than being a stripper or a hooker?" My life was so fucked up. Reed Girl needed to get her ass back here pronto. Weird shit happened to me when she wasn't around. Strippers disguised as cleaning ladies got into the house, for fuck's sake.

She sighed and bent over again to get something out of her bag. I was scared as hell to see what she might come out with this time. Handcuffs? A whip?

Thank fuck, it was a business card. I took it. "Can you close your shirt, please?" One glance at the card, and I knew why she'd been so fucking forward at least. "Topless Housekeepers? That's a fucking thing?"

"Yes, is very popular."

I could imagine why. It was actually pretty fucking brilliant, if I thought about it. But I couldn't, because she was still in my living room and her shirt was still open and I was uncomfortable as hell. Also, Colin was a fucking dead man.

"I'm going to ask you one last time to put on your shirt and leave. This won't work."

"Is just body. No need to be uncomfortable. Nothing wrong with watching."

Yes, there was. I felt guilty as fuck, and I hadn't even done anything wrong. "I have a fiancée, and you really need to leave."

I heard the edge in my own voice, and so did Rainbow. She abandoned the dropped duster and hopped on the chair in front of me.

Gianna put her arms on either side of the chair and bent toward me. "Mr. Cullen, you don't need to be embarrassed. Man has needs. You're very handsome. Perhaps I can take off more-"

"Fuck no! Get out!"

I'd had it with being polite. I yelled, and that was all it took. Rainbow yowled, puffed up her fur and Gianna got a swipe right across one of her boobs.

She screamed, and I grabbed Rainbow quickly before she took another swipe. Gianna was cursing in Italian, and Rainbow was spitting mad, and I was trying to hold her back, even though I wanted to turn her loose.

"Can you please put on your shirt and go?"

"You're crazy! I sue you!"

Fucking great. "You go ahead and try. I'll sue you for sexual harassment. Get the fuck out of my house."

She finally did, grabbing her shit and running toward the door as she finally put her fucking shirt back together. The door slammed behind her, and I threw my ass back on the couch, petting Rainbow and trying to calm her the fuck down.

"I really can't believe that just fucking happened." Emmett would have been in heaven. His life is a porno shit actually came true for a brief moment. If Blondie wouldn't kill me, I'd totally send him a topless housekeeper for his birthday. He'd fucking die.

Once the adrenaline of the moment died off, the guilt crept back in. I hadn't done anything wrong, had I? I'd done my best not to focus on her chest, even though she'd shoved it right in my face. I'd asked her to put her shirt on immediately, right?

Fuck. I hated feeling like this. I grabbed my phone and called Reed Girl. She'd barely said hello when I spilled the whole story. Any guilt I felt quickly vanished as the sound of her laughter filled the line.

"Real fucking funny, baby. There I was, trying to get a housekeeper slash babysitter for Rainbow, and I have tits in my face, and an angry yowling cat, screaming in Italian, and threats of lawsuits, and you're laughing at me?"

"This would only happen to you; you know that right?"

"Fucking Colin. Tells me he knows a great housekeeping service he uses all the time, and I trust his stupid ass? I'm gonna kill him."

"No, you're not. You'll get him back someday, but nothing bad really happened. She won't sue you. She started to offer you more than the authorized services, I'm sure, so she could lose her job. And our girl protected you."

I glanced at Rainbow, who was lying on my chest looking mighty proud of herself. "Yeah, she protected my honor."

Reed Girl had another fit of giggles at that, and this time I joined her. It was a really fucked-up day, but both of my girls were there for me after it was all said and done. That was what really mattered.