A/N: Surprise!

I did promise an update today, did I not?

*Cackles incoherently*

Well, well, well!

Apparently we get our free four star Servant tomorrow. Who are you guys-and gals!-going to get? I don't need Merlin, seeing as I have Waver, but I won't mind getting him. As people have been so fond of telling me, pulling from the limited banners gets you no end of insane luck.

I've already decided, NAY! It has been decided for me! Long live Artoria!

Are there any other events coming up that I should be aware of?

Or anymore exchange tickets? Someone said something...

...about a free five star a few months from now?

Is that true? I have no idea.

*EDIT*

I know we've got video game season coming up soon and all-lord knows Fate Grand Order is distracting me!-which really throws a wrench into my whole daily update thing. Still, I made a promise, so here we are. I've been on a right Fate kick as of late, but I AM updating other stories that are not Fate related. Its only fair. I can't ignore my other stories in favor of this.

Look at Date or Die and others, for example.

Still, despite the trolls and the flamers, despite that...

...I'm trying to be a good soldier and push through. But its hard.

Every review encourages me. Even a few words like, "Nice" or "Good job" mean the world to me.

But silence...well. Silence hurts. Lack of reviews and general antipathy send me right back into hibernation, ya know...

As ever, I own no references, quotes, or anything at all. I'm just a humble writer who likes to play with words and make people smile~!

"My greatest weapon is one I never want to use.

So I won't. You'd have to force me.

Please don't force me."

~?

An Unlikely Monster

She couldn't keep up.

For all Lancer's stern strength and speed, she found that Saber now exceeded her in nearly every way. Every strike rattled her guard. Each swing of those swords-somanytoomany-pushed her back and threatened to send her sprawling into the dirt. It didn't help that her strength was already faltering; that Shirou has so very little to give her in the first place. She'd been pulling from her reserves from the beginning and now, those precious rivers of energy were inevitably drying up as she continued to fight hard, harder, hardest.

Still, Artoria fought on.

Even as her reserves began to dwindle, she still fought on.

Parrying a strike meant to hack off her legs, the buxom blond grit her teeth and retaliated, pushing back to bash the blunt end of Rhongomyniad against Saber's skull. A few minutes ago, a hit like that would have floored the whiskered warrior. Now? Naruto only grunted as she bloodied his nose; then he reared and delivered her a bruising headbutt with thrice the strength.

Artoria didn't just see stars.

Worse than that, she saw entire galaxies.

What was his skull made of?! Cast iron? Tempered steel?!

"What's wrong, Lancer?" a lone blue eye regarded her with thinly veiled concern as she scrubbed the blood from her eyes. "Getting tired? We can stop, if you like."

Artoria had no way of knowing the scarred swordsman; didn't realize he was trying to be decent about this. Instead a muscle jumped in her jaw as his words painfully pricked at her pride and she lunged at him with fierce ferocity. Naruto merely met her with an exasperated sigh, lazily flicked Samehada over his shoulder, and wrapped both hands around the hilt of his Head Cleaver. The difference was like night and and day. His blade didn't move. It blurred; all of the full, towering weight of his legendary weapon came cashing down on her blessed lance like a great hammer, driving her to a knee and crating the ground underfoot for nearly a mile in every direction.

By the spirits, facing him with one blade was worse!

On a certain level she knew something had changed when he slew Shinji-she felt not a thing for that little worm!-and likely regained his contract with his true Master, but this...this was absurd. Saber'd always fought like a swordsman to be sure, but his style was so vicious and unpredictable, his arsenal so varied and unorthodox, that she found it nigh impossible to match it. He'd gone from borderline exhaustion to being fresh as a daisy in a matter of moments; all his stamina and vigor crashing over her like a tidal wave.

This was absurd!

As she struck out at him he stoically used that giant blade as a shield to weather her lance before vaulting forward with an onslaught of his own. Sparks shot from its edge, raced up the holy lance, and jarred her arm. She sucked in a breath. Rhongomyniad shuddered treacherously in her grasp and in a rare break of decorum she lashed out with a booted foot, catching him in the chest.

For a moment, she almost dared to believe she'd hurt him.

Saber grunted and went sliding back, but not far. He'd scarcely moved more than a foot before he dug his sword into the dirt and dragged his backwards skid into a sliding halt. A lone blue eye gleamed out at her in the moonlight. Dragging himself up from one knee, he hissed out a burst of hot air-actual steam!-and stood once more.

"That all ya got?"

This couldn't go on; he was beating her into the ground. Shirou just...didn't have enough energy for her. At her peak, she was sure she could match Saber. Perhaps even overwhelm him entirely. She could don her armor again for more defense, but that would slow her even more. She lacked the energy to even summon her mount. No. There was only one recourse. As things stood, Artoria knew she had just enough energy to unleash the true power of her Noble Phantasm. Once. Then she would be truly drained and her Master would have nothing to give her. Should she use it and fail to kill her opponent, she would have to fade into astral form or risk vanishing entirely.

But if she didn't use this...if their duel continued at this pace...she was going to die.

Artoria didn't want to die. She wanted to live. More than anything.

Reluctantly, she readied her trump card.

Saber's lone eye lit up.

"Well, now!"

Sweeping her cloak back, Lancer willed the last of her reserves to surge and her lance to shine.

"Holy Lance, anchor!" the words burst from her in a quiet chant, swelling steadily louder with each passing word. "Let light be released from the Ends of the World."

Rather than charge to prevent her Noble Phantasm's activation, Saber slammed his sword into the earth and planted his feet. At first, Artoria balked. No. Surely he wasn't going to...he actually was. The madman. Honor or no, only a fool would willingly stand still and not try to do...something. Yet this was precisely what Naruto had done. He wasn't even defending himself. Instead he watched her, enraptured, as tendrils of light began to peel away from her almighty lance, each of its thirteen seals unwinding into winding ribbons of holy radiance.

Throughout it all, he only grinned. "That's much better! I can actually feel that! Keep it up!"

"In mere moments," Atroria warned with a growl, "All you'll be feeling is oblivion!"

"That or disappointment." he shot back happily. "Go ahead. Flip that coin."

Here at last, he reached for the Head Cleaver's hilt in the soil.

And so began an incantation of his own.

"I have seen all there is to see." he intoned reverently as he drew the blade free from its earthen confines. "I have cut all there is to cut. My blades pierce heaven and earth. If there is an enemy, I will cut them. If there is an adversary, I will slay them. I am death. I am destruction. Now come forth! The sage's blade! Sword of Nunoboko!"

Snarling, he ripped it free.

Its shape was...different than she remembered.

Rather than a massive hunk of metal, its form had warped and twisted, bending inward in a strange helix shape. Almost like that of human DNA. It could scarcely be called a weapon at all, save for the twin spokes jutting forward at the end. He took a strange kendo stance, sword hefted high above his head, fingers wrapped around its pole-like hilt. Whatever that thing was, Artoria liked it not. The mere sight of made her soul recoil, rather, it seemed to shroud the world in shadows, exuding a tainted sense of wrongness.

"Now, then." Saber granted her a grave grin. "Lets see which is stronger. My sword, or your lance. Isn't this exciting, Lancer?!"

Still, she renewed her chant as the light of her lance burst into a deafening roar of heavenly brilliance.

"I shall split the heavens, and connect the land. Anchor of the Storm! Rhongo-

Abruptly, her foe slumped.

"Seriously?! We were just getting to the good part! Can't I just-

He flinched as though he'd been struck.

"Fine, fine, have it your way...

Before Lancer could think to ask what the devil Saber was up to this time, her fellow blond banished his baleful blade into golden dust and slouched over with an irritated growl. She couldn't bring herself to attack him, not while he was in such an unguarded state, and so she too stilled her own Noble Phantasm before its energy could escape her. Thankfully she hadn't released it and missed; that would've cost her dearly. As things stood she still possessed enough energy for another shot, though Rhongomyniad blazed white-hot in her hands.

It never came.

"Well, would you look at that." Saber surprised her with a jaw-popping yawn. "My Master's calling for me. She doesn't want me to fight you two any longer."

"What?" Shirou choked out.

"Just what I said." Saber shrugged. "Lets finish this fight another time, eh?"

That lazy blue eye bored into Shirou, almost as if he were trying to tell him something. Lancer knew not what. Alas, whatever silent message the war-torn veteran was trying to impart was lost on her Master. Eventually, the whiskered warrior gave up and shook his head.

"Who is...?"

"Sorry." he shrugged again. "She doesn't want me to tell you that either. Sorry, kiddo. My lips are sealed."

With that, he turned to leave. Just...left his back open to her. As though he knew. He knew that her chivalry would prevent her from attacking him in this moment of weakness. And yet, something in the way he so easily cut and run rankled her warrior's spirit. Only cowards fled from the field of battle. And yet his retreat would save her life. Her honor-her pride!-could not abide by this mercy.

"Do you flee, Saber?!"

"You're more than welcome to come after me." That narrow golden eye leered at her over his shoulder as. "But only if you're prepared to die."

His face held a startling emotion; a beast's excitement, narrowly held in check.

He would do it, Artoria realized. If she followed, he'd kill her.

In a single bound he leaped away.

(...0o0o0...)

The rest of his journey was made in comparative silence.

He could have gone astral and made his return in silence, but something held him back from simply popping out of one point and emerging at another. It was the smile. HIS smile. Try as he might, it still hadn't left his face since he'd abandoned his fight. No, he wanted to go back to Sakura under his own power and rid himself of this mad tension before it ate him alive. Such a good fight. Lancer had been on the verge of unleashing her Noble Phantasm-he'd wanted to see it so badly!-and he'd nearly revealed his own, knowing the reaction it would instill in her.

And then Sakura had told him to stop.

Even now temper strained at its leash like a wild breast, chomping at the bit to escape. He wanted to go back. To fight Lancer. To see her Noble Phantasm in all its holy glory and crush it with his own. It was a simple wish, one he'd been denied, and it made blood burned with every leap. Was it so wrong to enjoy himself in battle? When one had so little left to live for, you learned to take pleasure in the small things. Unless your Master went and meddled. Granted, he understood just why Sakura had done what she did. He'd glimpsed her memories upon his summoning.

Poor girl.

She didn't want to hurt her Senpai.

Her precious person. The one thing that mattered to her.

With that humbling thought, Naruto's simmering anger began to cool.

Rather, it would have; if someone hadn't taken it into their head to attack him all at once.

One moment he was leaping from rooftop to another; in the next, a dark coil of something shot out of the air to snare him by an ankle. Then it yanked. Hard. For all his reflexes, Naruto had only just begun to draw for one of his blades when his world blurred into a wall. To his credit he snapped back upright and promptly severed the strange strand seizing him. A woman's snarl greeted him as he stepped out into the street, punctuated by a second strike, one he found himself hard-pressed to predict.

"Hello, dinner." a sensuous voice purred as he staggered to his feet. "So nice of you to drop in."

Naruto shook the stars out of his eyes. "S'not like I had a choice...

Saber looked up.

And up.

Up.

He found himself gazing at an absolute monster of a woman. She was certainly large enough. But her body...he didn't know what to make of it. It looked as though she were on the verge of transforming into some ghastly monster, as evidenced by the scales and the tail. Yet she bore heavenly wings and a body that would tempt even an angel to sin. Whomever she was, she was clearly still human of a sort, in that she still possessed her figure as well as her arms and legs. Yet in that same vein she was corrupted. Her body blackened with gold and ebony scales.

And then there was the matter of her tail.

She coiled atop it, hovering above him, looking down on him. Her piercing eyes threatened to paralyze him where he stood, and her rich violet hair...was just short of serpentine. Literally. It looked alive and ready to bite him if he took another step closer. Yet something about her face, the way she hissed at him, almost seemed familiar.

"Oh." he managed eloquently. "Well. You're beautiful."

A pale brow arched. "Do you truly think flattery will save you.

Despite his dread, Naruto laughed. "Maybe not, but it did make you blush."

An incoherent sputter answered him "Why you little...?! Are you mocking me?! How dare you!"

"What's wrong?" Sakura's voice snaked through their mental link as the woman continued to rage. "Are you alright?"

"Not now, little bird." Naruto forced the words through gritted teeth as he watched the woman coil languidly on her tail to observe him. "I'm going to be late."

The woman-what was this strange nostalgia he felt for her?-regarded him pointedly for a long moment. Well. That settled it. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him. Her hair was definitely alive. Those stray strands tapered off into ghastly shadowy creatures with wretched maws, eager and hissing at him like mad dogs. By rights, he should be grateful. He'd wanted a fight; now he had one. And yet...something in him stayed his hand. All that raging eagerness suddenly turned to ice in his gut and his patched eye began to whisper achingly. Almost as if it were trying to tell him something. It sounded like a name.

"Medusa?" he tested the word on his tongue.

"MY NAME IS GORGON!"

It tumbled out of his lips before he could think to stop it; and it was the worst thing he could have said. The woman-Servant!-didn't howl at him in response. She absolutely shrieked. And with that shriek a blistering blast of coruscating violet light smashed him off his feet and flung him into a building. Another brought it down on his head for good measure, more of an insult than anything else. They both knew rubble couldn't kill a healthy Servant, least of all someone of the Saber class. Within moments, Naruto was able to claw his way free.

"Alright," he coughed dust, "I clearly shouldn't have said that. Just who are you?"

Gorgon snarled.

"No one. I'll take my time with you."

She wasn't prepared for him to sheathe his blade.

"Sorry, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to fight you tonight."

Least of all for him to simply turn his back and walk away from her. For that was precisely what he did.

...what are you doing?!" the mutated woman sputtered, rearing back on her tail. "Stop! Come back here! Get back here right now!"

He made it all of five steps before Avenger finally abandoned all semblance of composure and elected to attack him outright. Her hair flew at him, the gaping creatures formed from it snapping at his heels. Naruto spun in an instant. With a flourish he cut through a second tendril, then a third and and a fourth, carving through each with ease, but not as easily as he might have. Hesitation slowed him; uncertainty lulling his movements into a spiral of confusion.

"Enough of this." Those beautiful eyes narrowed at him. "Now...die."

Sakura must've sensed his hesitation, for she spoke through their link again. "I could use-

"NO!" He snapped, harsher than he intended to. "No. Don't. Shinji already wasted one Command Spell. I'll be fine-

A shadow fell over him. "Really? Will you, now?"

Naruto swore softly. "Bugger me."

Avenger crashed into him like a freight train and once more his world was a whorl of noise and dirt. Say what you would about Gorgon, but she was fast. Yet again he tumbled away and though he dodged her tail whip, the sheer shockwave that followed sent him slamming through a second hovel. Crashing upright, he ripped a wall loose and flung it back at her. She smashed right through it of course; but it gave him a precious moment to take a breath and muster his senses. Ignoring his hesitation, stifling the small part of him that cried out that this was wrong, that he needed to STOP-

"Enough."

...his lone eye drifted shut.

An arm snapped up and his sword blurred, striking in three places at once. He did not think where he needed to be, but felt it, saw his destination in his mind's eye. A storm of death and destruction crashed down on him like a wave; and like the water, he moved. It wasn't a defense. It was a dance. Rather than stand against the attacks and risk being pinned, he simply moved with those serpentine strands. He did not think, but allowed a peerless instinct-instincts honed over a storied career-to guide him and shape his steps. He knew the slightest slip would leave him skewered; Naruto couldn't bring himself to care.

Instead, he breathed and began to advance.

Not rapidly by any means of measure; his charge was a slow one, inevitably building up steam with each passing moment.

Tumbling through a whirl of energy blasts and snapping strands, he leaped onto a crumbling house and gave himself to his battle lust. Allowed himself to enjoy the fight. It became a game. How long could he keep this up tonight? How long could he avoid being hit by these attacks? He didn't know. Didn't care. In that moment, "Naruto" ceased to be. There was only Saber. Only the blades in his hand.

And so Medusa-not for the first time in her life-felt a pinprick of fear.

She couldn't hit him anymore; what he didn't dodge or block he simply slashed through like a bloody blender, a furious specter of life and all its wrath. This was Saber. This was the Servant of the Sword, the strongest of all seven classes in all their bloody gory glory, come now to cut her down. Just like that man. For a terrifying moment, she saw someone else standing in his place; the same Hero that had taken her head so many an age ago. Only for a moment, but something in Gorgon balked regardless.

He was coming for her.

He was going to cut her; going to kill her.

Try as she might, she couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Then she got lucky-or so she thought. It certainly seemed like it at first.

A stray shot struck the right side of Saber's face and sheared off his eyepatch to draw blood for the first time in their duel. It was, by all accounts, a lucky shot. Her blast struck his sword, bounced off, and ricocheted into the ground at his feet to create an explosion. In the ensuing blast she saw his head jerk to the side, turning his wounded visage away from her. For a fleeting instant she almost dared to hope. Yes, she could win this. She had hit him. Hurt him. Maimed him. An injury like that was sure to slow him down at the very least-

Then she saw his eye.

Gleaming in the smoke like saffron beacon.

It looked perfectly hale and healthy. So why the eyepatch?

"That," Saber growled low and deep in his throat, "Was a mistake."

With those words, the world erupted into a whorl of howling golden light that burned her retina.

Saber stood at the epicenter of it all, a pillar of golden light shooting up into the clouds, a veritably beam of near-divinity that pierced the heavens. Those haunting eyes, one gold, the other blue, gazed back at her. To her unutterable confusion, his body began to glow as though lit from within. What was this? A transformation of some sort? Well! If he thought turning himself into a human night-light would make any difference in this fight, he was sorely mista-

A slash slammed into her tail and toppled her like a house of cards.

Scrabbling upright, Gorgon flailed her wings and beat him back with a gust of hair. In recompense for her temerity, a blade of wind bit through her storm and cut deep into her shoulder. With a cry she lost control and fell back to the earth with a mighty crash. The dust was only just clearing when one of her blackened wings went sailing away in a geyser of crimson blood.

"You have my attention, now." Those mismatching orbs locked onto her; brimming with wrath, just like of the gods she so loathed. "So be it. I hope its what you wanted."

It was not.

Gorgon howled another blast of violet light, only for it to carom harmlessly off his outstretched sword.

"I kept my strength sealed for a reason." Saber's voice thrummed through the very air itself as she scrambled backwards like a drunken spider. "I can't control it properly. If I don't hold back, I lose control. If I lose control, I go berserk. I lose my connection with people. With this world. But you don't understand, do you? You're just a monster. I don't know why I thought otherwise."

Another cut, and half her hair fell limp at her feet.

"What's wrong?" he laughed and it was a bitter and furious thing indeed, one that rattled her very bones. "C'mon, then! Fight me!"

There was no rhyme or reason to his attacks; just endless, ceaseless rage. Medusa couldn't escape it. Even as she began to debate the possibility of escaping-and returning to her master with news of failure-she found all avenues of escape blocked to her. What made it all the worse was that this felt familiar somehow. A tiny part of her recognized this man and didn't want to hurt him. Why?! He was the enemy! She'd never seen him before in her life! So why did she recognize him?! Why did she want to call him Caster, when his class was clearly Saber! And why...why...WHY...

As she looked on, Saber dropped his blades.

"Nothing personal lady, I really can't afford to hold back against you now." thus speaking, he once more drew another sword wrapped in a sheathe of black radiance. "So here. Eat this. My greatest treasure. Found at the ends of the earth! No holding back this time!" That great gilded beacon bloomed but once, a peerless pillar of death. "My gift to you! The Sword of the Sage! Nunoboko!"

Her instincts howled a warning. So she retaliated in kind.

"Cestsus Pandemonium!"

The twin attacks collided in a shower of black light.

And all the world turned white.

In the ensuing backlash, Gorgon tumbled away, gasping ans choking for breath, clutching at torn torso. Alas, her tumbling body failed her and she dragged a great skid through the ground. She was alive, she was healing-holding herself together through sheer force of will-but even she recognized defeat. Her remaining wing was gone, torn away by her own hands before the rest of her could crumble alongside it. She'd had no choice. They might yet return in time, but for now, the Avenger found herself earthbound. No. No, she had to run. She could still sense Saber. He was wounded to be sure-and didn't that give her a bit of spiteful pleasure-but he was likely a sight better than her.

It burned.

Absolutely galled her.

The notion that she had been so easily bested, beaten by this whelp...it should gall her. Yet some small part of her felt satisfied. Yes. She was ready to die. She shouldn't exist in this former. She was an abomination, foul and cruel and she needed to be cleansed. She corrupted everything she touched. Bazett had been a fool to summon someone like her. And how had she repaid her? Attacking her, leaving her lying in a coma, uncaring as she wasted away, not quite dead, but not truly alive, either. So long as she was fuel.

Yes. A small, agonizing part of her whispered. This is good. Just let him finish it.

Gorgon felt the naked edge of a blade brush the nape of her neck and against her better judgement, she looked up into a lone blue eye. He'd sealed his other eye again somehow; torn off his sleeve and wrapped it around the right side of his face in a temporary attempt to bind that unsightly orb and all the power it contained. He wasn't wielding the same sword as before, either. She would've remembered that helix-shaped blade. No, it was the mortal steel of the Head Cleaver that brushed her throat, promising the sweet release of death if she moved.

...kill me."

Saber sighed. "No."

"Do you jest? Just finish it."

He grit his teeth at her. "I refuse."

Something broke deep inside of Gorgon.

"WHY?!" The word exploded out of Medusa in a rush before she could think to hold it back. "I'm your enemy! I tried to kill you! Let me die! I demand it! You have no right to spare me! None!" Tears welled up in her eyes as that lone eye continued to gaze down at her in silent judgement. She was too weak to move, much less attack. To do anything at all, really. Her words were the only weapon she possessed now. "I WILL kill you if you spare me! I'll kill everyone you love!" Throughout it all, his stoic expression never wavered as she cried out at him. Not a once. "I won't stop, Saber! I cannot stop! So end me!"

Naruto only tilted his head. "I don't think you really mean those words, do you, Medusa?"

Gorgon felt her shoulders twitch. "Don't call me that...I'm not...that's not...

He offered her a tiny, beatific smile. "You seem familiar, you know?"

The fallen goddess refused to give voice to her own words.

Naruto wasn't nearly so hesitant by comparison.

"That's alright. I'm confused, too."

To her great dismay, he sat down beside her and patted her head. He didn't do anything else. Idly, she glimpsed the deep burns searing his torso, but if he was in any sort of pain, he seemed loathe to show it. Planting his blade in the ground, Naruto exhaled in a long-suffering sigh and idly began to stroke what remained of her hair. It was such a gentle gesture for someone who'd gone Berserker only a few moments ago; she found herself wholly at a loss for what to do. He had every right to kill her. He should kill her.

Instead he only favored her with that winning grin again.

"So, lets talk, then. About us. About everything."

Medusa felt her lower lip begin to tremble.

Tch. Damn it. Damn him. Damn it all...!

He pulled her head into his shoulder.

Tears welled forth from her eyes.

And the goddess wept.

A/N: And there we go.

No major deaths yet, but believe me, they're coming.

Saber!Naruto might be a bit of a battle fanatic, but at his heart he's a good person. Be glad that he is, because he's one of the most powerful incarnations out there. This crazy idiot was willing to try and tank a full power Rhongymyniad just to satisfy his own curiosity. Who knows what the outcome would've been? He's dangerously close to a True Divine Spirit when he isn't limiting himself, and only the most powerful Masters could ever support him.

One more thing.

As he blatantly said, the eyepatch is a seal he made himself to limit his power and keep himself from losing touch with reality and humanity. Without it he becomes something ghastly, a being who simply doesn't care for anything other than battle. Like Scathach, he simply killed so much that he's nearly become a god. He cut his power just to be summoned at that; to better enjoy the thrill of a fight, to challenge himself and revel in the excitement.

Now, who does that sound like? -_-

Might write a story where Naruto was given Excalibur. Who knows? I wan to finish my other stories first.

Reviews are love, Reviews are life, Reviews, despite everything, keep me alive.

Lack of reviews sends me right back into writer's block and hibernation.

It also means the trolls win. Please don't let them win.

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Revieeeeew Would Ya Kindly?

And enjoy the previews!

It gets...intense.

(Preview)

"Hold, mongrel. I would speak with you."

...and I'd rather stab you."

Zouken howled. "Again?!"

A hand wrapped around his decaying throat.

"I'll smash your body as many times as I need to. Leave. Sakura. Alone."

...Saber?"

"Yes, little bird?"

Sakura dithered for a moment.

"If I ever...lose control, you'll stop me, won't you?"

He patted her head. "It won't come to that, I promise ya."

"You remember me, don't you? I knew it was you, I knew you'd never hurt me, you'd never-

Saber's opponent gurgled wordlessly as he buried his blade in their stomach.

The Servant choked wordlessly, her eyes widening.

"I am...so sorry...

Warmest regards,

~Nz.