"But if the date went well I don't understand what the problem is," Neville said for about the third time.
Harry, Neville, and Hermione were studying in the library. Harry had just told them about his afternoon with Andrew the previous day. He had described how pleasant it had been, but ended his tale by saying he wasn't sure if he was going to continue seeing the brunette. Given that he had nothing but nice things to say, he could understand Neville's confusion.
"I just…don't know if it will work out," Harry muttered. After returning to his dorm room the previous evening. He had berated himself for thinking of Draco after his kiss. Things were going so well with Andrew, but he could not stop wondering how things would go with a certain blond.
Hermione, ever observant, was not as confused as Neville. "Well, I would guess this has something to do with that other boy you said you liked." She gave Harry a pointed look.
Harry refused to meet her eyes. He busied himself with the assignment he was working on, but Hermione wasn't buying it.
"Harry," she said with a warning. "If you aren't going to be honest with us, you at least need to be honest with yourself. And Andrew."
Harry sighed. "I know."
"Is that guy really this important to you?" Neville asked. "I've never seen you pay attention to anyone the way you do Andrew."
"No you wouldn't," Harry admitted. "It's sort of an all-around secret."
"So you still don't want to tell us?" Hermione asked. "I mean, it's your decision, but we may be able to help you better if we know."
"I'm not certain that will help anything," Harry replied. "It's not that I don't want you guys to know. It's that you won't like who it is."
"But do you like them?" Neville asked. "Because if you really like them, then that is what matters."
"It's complicated," Harry whinnied.
"Well, does the person like you back?" Hermione asked.
"It's really complicated," Harry replied. Hermione sighed in frustration. "Okay, okay. Look, if I tell you guys, do you promise not to get mad at me?" They both nodded eagerly. "I'm serious. You can't get mad, and you have to hear me out before you judge."
"Agreed," they both replied.
Harry took a deep breath. He took a moment to look around and make sure none was around. He stared at his book as he answered as quietly as possible. "Draco Malfoy."
"WHAT!?" Neville exclaimed. Heads turned and the conversation paused while Neville received a scolding from Madam Pince.
"You promised Neville," Harry said quietly.
"I promised I wouldn't get angry," he protested. "I didn't say anything about not being surprised."
"Fair enough," Harry said with a small laugh. He ran his hand through his hair.
"Though, if you want to keep us from getting angry, I think we will need more explanation," Hermione added.
"Right," Harry said. He took a deep breath. "Well, for starters, I definitely didn't ask for this to happen, or seek it out. It just sort of…evolved."
"But how?" Neville asked. "I mean, I'm trying not to judge…but Malfoy?"
"I was really struggling at the beginning of the year. Like thoughts of suicide struggling, he explained. Hermione and Neville immediately looked like they wanted to interrupt, but he cut them off. "Don't feel bad. I hid it well. But it just so happened that a lot of the time when I sought to be alone, either I would run into him or he would run into me. And surprisingly, he was a decent human being. We talked, and he was actually able to help me a bit. Eventually, we sort of agreed to try and be friends, and we would meet up more regularly."
"I was wondering where you were always disappearing too," Hermione huffed.
"Yeah," Harry said. "Well, that's where."
"So you guys are just friends?" Neville asked. "But you like him?"
"That's the complicated part," Harry answered. "When I told Cho I was gay, she pointed me towards Andrew. Well, I met him on the train back from the holidays. Draco saw us, and he got jealous. We met up and we fought, but he wouldn't admit why he was mad. So, we stopped talking."
"And that is when you asked out Andrew as retaliation?" Hermione asked. Harry nodded. "So where does that leave you now?"
"Well, we talked again after the article came out," Harry explained. "He was understandably upset with me, but we resolved it. But he was still made about Andrew. I got him to admit he was also gay, but he still won't admit he has feelings for me and is jealous."
"But I mean, it's kind of obvious right?" Hermione asked.
"Well, yes," Harry said. "But I want him to admit it."
"So you are just going to date Andrew until he does?" Hermione asked disapprovingly.
"Well that wasn't my intention," Harry said. "I really do like him."
"But?"
"But yesterday I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with Draco while I was with Andrew," Harry explained. "Which is a problem. Now that I know he likes me, I can't help but think about what it could be."
"Then I suggest you break up with Andrew," Hermione said matter-of-fact.
"But…" Harry tried to protest.
"No buts," Hermione insisted. "It doesn't matter if nothing ever happens with Malfoy. If you can't stop thinking about him then you shouldn't be leading someone else on." Harry sighed, but didn't say anything. "Right?"
"Yeah," Harry muttered quietly. Hermione glared.
"That doesn't sound convincing," she said.
"I'll work it out," Harry promised. Harry didn't clarify what he meant by that, and he knew Hermione wasn't satisfied. He figured he had time to work it out. He thought perhaps if he just focused on his studies, he could appear too busy to date. It worked for a couple weeks. He was polite to Andrew, but he also didn't go out of his way to spend time with him.
Hermione pointed out that this was not what she meant by breaking up with him, and that this certainly didn't fall under "working it out." Harry assured her he was getting to it, but internally he planned to put it off as long as possible. Life had other plans.
"Um, Harry?" Harry heard Andrew's tentative voice from behind him. He had holed himself away in the library. He looked up as hesitantly as Andrew's voice sounded.
"Hey Andrew," he said.
"Can we talk?" Andrew asked, biting his lip.
Harry groaned internally. There was no way he could avoid ending the relationship now. "Sure," is what he said out loud. Andrew gestured towards the exit, and Harry got up and followed the brunette into an empty classroom.
"What's up?" Harry asked, knowing very well what the issue was.
"Did I do something wrong?" Andrew asked immediately. When Harry didn't respond right away, he kept going nervously. "It's just that, I thought our date went really well. And I thought the kiss went really well. And I thought we left on great terms, but you haven't talked to me since, and I am just wondering if I did something wrong."
"You didn't do anything wrong Andrew," Harry assured.
"Then what happened?" Andrew asked, not assured in the slightest.
Harry sighed. "I'm…a horrible person?"
"I don't believe that for a second," Andrew said.
Harry plopped down in a seat and refused to meet Andrew's eyes. "I really really like you," he said.
"But?" Andrew asked.
"But…," Harry hesitated. He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "So…the thing is…I may…or may not…like someone else." When he finally looked up at Andrew, he saw the boy looked crestfallen.
"Then why were you going out with me?" Andrew asked.
"Because I like you," Harry said. "I do Andrew. I really do."
"But you like this other person more?" Andrew asked.
Harry sighed again. "I didn't think I did," Harry tried to explain. "I thought I could forget about it. The more time I spend with you the more I like you."
"But?"
"But…I can't stop thinking about this other person," Harry said. "Even when I'm with you, and even when I'm enjoying myself, I can't help but think about this other person." He ran his hand through his hair again. "And…well, that's not exactly fair to you." He looked up to see Andrew staring at him intently. "It wouldn't be fair to let us become more serious when I can't stop thinking about someone else."
"No," Andrew agreed. "It wouldn't be."
"You have every right to be angry with me," Harry said. "But I wasn't trying to hurt you. I really thought I would forget about him."
Andrew stared at the wall. A few tears slipped down, but he quickly wiped them away. "So it's over then?"
Harry got up and walked over to Andrew. He made the brunette look at him. "I think that is what would be best for you in the long run," he said. "I like you, and the more I get to know you the more I like. You're smart, handsome, funny, and kind. I feel that if we continue seeing each other there is a good chance I could completely fall for you. But I also know that I won't stop thinking about this other guy until I know for certain what could happen, and that isn't fair to you."
"Well just make this harder why don't you," Andrew huffed with a sad laugh.
"I can leave the choice up to you," Harry offered. "If you want to give it another go, we can. But I need you to understand that I do have feelings for someone else."
Andrew was silent for a while. "I wouldn't be okay with dating someone who had feelings for another person." He looked up at Harry. "I don't think this would work."
Harry nodded. "Then, I think we should call it off," he said. "But I want you to know I'm hurt too. And I can't express in words how mad I am at myself for doing this to you."
Andrew nodded, but all he said was, "I'm going to go now." He turned and left without another word. Harry didn't think he'd felt so bad in his entire life, and he had made plenty of mistakes to feel bad about.
For everyone's sake, he hoped he could work things out with Draco, one way or another.
Unfortunately, working things out was going to be difficult. The two avoided one another for weeks, both refusing to give in. As the weeks went on, it was if the fates were aligning against them.
If Harry had been paying attention, he would have noticed that this was right around the time of year when shit normally hit the fan.
All good things must come to an end, and Harry figured that out when Dobby appeared in the middle of a D.A. meeting. Harry barely had time to think before the entire D.A. was scrambling in all different directions. He didn't even know where Hermione and Neville had gone as he blindly took off running.
Just when he started to think they might escape, he tripped over something and went sprawling on the ground. He scrambled around to see what he had tripped on only to find Draco Malfoy staring down at him.
"What the hell!?" Harry asked.
"Don't know why you're surprised," Draco said somberly. "You always expect the worst of me don't you?"
"What do you—"
Harry was interrupted by the person he wanted to see the least. He had to watch as Umbridge's sickening visage appeared over Draco's shoulder. He had to listen to her sickly sweet voice congratulate the Slytherin on capturing the main suspect before instructing him to go look for others. Draco shot Harry a victorious smirk at Harry for Umbridge's sake, but Harry could see in his eyes that he didn't feel it.
Harry's head was spinning, but he didn't have time to worry about the blond, when Umbridge was dragging him in the other direction. It took him a moment to realize that he was being towed to the headmaster's office. When she shoved him through the doorway, he stumbled into an already full room. Dumbledore stood calmly behind his desk. In front stood a rather angry looking Minister for Magic. Harry briefly had time to notice there was an auror he wasn't familiar with also there, as well as Kingsley, McGonagall, and none other than Percy Weasley.
Fudge and Umbridge gleefully presented their evidence of Dumbledore's Army. Harry discovered it was Cho's friend Marissa who had revealed their secrets. Due to the name of their little group, Fudge and Umbridge were more than happy to pin the entire thing on Dumbledore. Harry felt grateful he had not allowed them to name the group after him, and he felt a sense of satisfaction knowing Dumbledore had to suffer.
He was almost disappointed when Dumbledore managed to knock them all out in one swoop. Watching his headmaster walk towards him and McGonagall, he had to remind himself that despite their disagreements they were on the same side.
"Harry," Dumbledore said. "I've left you alone this year so as to try and not anger you further, but we need to speak before I leave." Harry said nothing, just gave him a glare. "It is imperative you continue your lessons with Professor Snape. He tells me you are improving. You must keep doing so."
"Occlumency's important," Harry said. "Got it."
Dumbledore stared hard at Harry over his half-moon spectacles. Harry had always had the impression Dumbledore was looking through him when he did that. But he was standing his ground this time. His headmaster sighed.
"We are in this together Harry," he said. "Remember that." He turned to go, but hesitated. "I am sorry for any pain I've caused you. I have always done what I thought was best."
"If you were sorry, you wouldn't keep doing it," Harry replied. Dumbledore almost looked sad, but he apparated away without saying another word.
Harry was given many detentions, along with everyone else on the list. News spread quickly. Everyone knew by the following morning what had transpired. The worst wasn't even the detentions. It was Umbridge as headmaster.
Despite all of this, Harry's biggest concern was the boy who got him captured. He could not stop picturing Draco's face, or his angry tone of voice. Did Harry always assume the worst of him? Or was Draco just being petty?
He couldn't stand aside. Harry knew that. Draco could not be any nicer to Harry than Snape could. Everyone had a role to play and Draco's was being a good little Slytherin. Not knowing what to do, Harry turned to the only person he could think of.
"What's up kid?" Sirius asked.
"You seem less occupied today," Harry commented with a smirk. He laughed when Sirius blushed and grimaced.
"Remus is on Order business," he replied. "And don't get cheeky."
"Hey I'm just following the lead of my elders," Harry retorted.
"Yeah, yeah," said Sirius, but he did so with a smile. "Well, caused any more trouble in the last two days?"
"Nope," Harry said. "Not even a little bit."
"Good," Sirius said. "With Dumbledore gone, you'll have to be extra careful."
"I know."
"So, what's bothering you?" asked his godfather.
"Guess."
"A certain blond?"
Harry sighed. "He was the one who caught me," Harry explained. "When I looked in his eyes, it didn't look like he meant it, and I know he has to play his part, but it still hurts." Harry ran a hand through his hair. "I broke up with Andrew, but I don't know if I should try pursuing Draco at this point."
"Woah, woah, woah," Sirius exclaimed. "You broke up with Andrew!? When?"
"A few weeks ago."
"And you didn't tell me?"
"Sorry," Harry said. "I was busy."
"What happened?"
"Well, things were going great," Harry said. "But I just couldn't stop thinking about Draco. I didn't think that was fair to Andrew, and neither did he when I explained."
"That was…mature of you," Sirius remarked.
"Yes," Harry agreed. "It sucked."
Sirius laughed. "Being mature normally does. Have you talked to Draco since?"
"No," Harry answered. "We haven't spoken since he admitted he was gay, but wouldn't admit he liked me. I don't know what I should do."
"I'm assuming you want my advice," Sirius said. "I can give it, though in this case it is a bit unorthodox for me."
"Oh?" Harry asked, intrigued.
"Normally, my method is to plunge headfirst into all situations," Sirius explained. "However, in this case, I think it's best if you just wait it out."
"Wait it out?" Harry asked confused.
"Yes," Sirius responded. "If Draco truly does care for you, and if he really wants to make it work, he will make a move. He will pursue you."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then, he doesn't want to make it work," Sirius explained. "And that will hurt, but at least you will know. I'd say that if you don't make up with him by the end of the year, you can give upon it. Take the summer to move on and start next year fresh."
Harry nodded. "That makes sense."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I'll wait."
Harry did not have to wait long. Less than a week later Draco pushed past him in the hallway and he found a note amongst his things. He met Draco in their usual place, though albeit a bit later than normal due to his detentions. When he arrived, Draco was standing there with a bowl of murtlap essence and some bandages.
Harry stopped in his tracks and stared. Wordlessly, Draco held out his hand. Harry hesitated for a moment, but eventually walked over and gave the blond his own hand. They were both quiet as Draco worked. Harry had to admit, it felt good to have the other boy take care of him, and his hand felt much better when he was finished.
"Thank you," Harry said softly.
"You're welcome," Draco said just as quietly. "Thanks for coming. I wasn't sure you would."
"I was just waiting for an invite," Harry admitted.
Draco was quiet for a moment. "I heard you and Andrew aren't seeing each other anymore."
"It wasn't working out," Harry responded.
"Why not?" Draco asked.
Harry looked him in the eye. "My heart wasn't in it."
Draco gulped and turned away. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting," he said. "And…I'm sorry for the part I played in your capture."
Harry sighed. "I'm not mad at you for that," he said. Draco looked at him in surprise. "Well alright, I'm mad that you were involved, but I know you can't help it. It's more along the lines of I'm mad you have to be a part of that. But I'm not mad at you. We would have been caught either way."
Draco looked down. "It doesn't mean I don't feel bad," he said.
"I appreciate that," Harry said with a small smile. "It means you're not as bad as I thought."
"But I'm bad enough?" Draco asked, so quiet Harry almost didn't catch it.
Harry sighed. "I never said that," he answered. "I used to think so, but you've proven me wrong this year." He looked Draco in the eye. "I don't think you're bad at all. Not really. But you are stubborn as hell."
Draco laughed, but his heart wasn't in it. Before Harry knew what was happening, the blond burst into tears. Harry was startled. Before he could react, Draco was trying to wipe the tears away.
"I'm…so…sorry," he blubbered. "I'm…"
"Shush," Harry said, finally jumping into action. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around the other boy. "It's okay."
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Harry asked, holding the blond tighter. "For being human?"
"For being on the wrong side," Draco sputtered through his tears.
"You were born on the wrong side," Harry clarified. "That doesn't mean you've chosen that side." He pulled back and placed his hands on either side of Draco's head. He looked him in the eyes. "What matters is what you choose."
Draco stared back at Harry, tears still falling down his face. "And if I say I choose you?"
It was Harry's turn to be silent. They had been here before. Draco had proclaimed he would be a spy. He would fight for the light. And then he had Harry had fallen out. Yet, here he was. Still standing in front of Harry declaring his side in the war, despite everything they had let come between them.
Sirius had said to wait for Draco. And Draco had stepped up, and shown he was willing to fight. Harry figured that was enough for him.
He surged forward again. This time, instead of wrapping Draco in his arms, he captured his lips. His kiss with Andrew had been nice, but it was nothing like this. Harry felt as though a bolt of lightning was coursing through him.
He pulled away and looked Draco in the eye. The blond looked surprised, but slowly a smile appeared on his face. His joy reflected what Harry was sure could be seen on his own face. Neither hesitated, before giving it another go.
Author's Note: So I just finished this chapter and quickly proofread it, so I am sorry if there are any mistakes. I didn't get the chance to finish earlier in the week, and I had to prioritize grading today.
Next week might be late. School really getting into it now. I have more grading next weekend, AND I will be out of town for a conference AND its Mardi Gras. So if next week is late, that's why.
I also wanted the Andrew beak-up to go differently, but I didn't have the energy to spend the time it would require on it. My original plan was to have Andrew be the one to suggest to Harry that he didn't think Harry's heart was in it, but it didn't turn out that way as I wrote.