A/N Happy National Chocolate Ice Cream Day! Could there be anything better? hehe It's also National Frozen Yogurt Day, which is a healthier alternative I suppose. I'm not sure why it would be VCR day, but that was also a choice. And a shout out to Daniel Boone, because it's his day, too. Have an ice cream or yogurt in his honor!

I don't know if many of you heard, but earlier this week, the Cleveland Browns signed a 9-Year old and let him participate in the team OTA's with them for the day as part of his Make-A-Wish! See, it does happen :) I had to smile at the age, the timing, and just the incredible coincidence with this story. If only other stuff I wrote came true...

In the sporting world, the hockey playoffs are tied, basketball plays game two tonight, and we have our first Triple Crown Winner in horse racing in forever. I'm not a racing fan, at all, but I admit that even I tuned in to see if he could do it. It's always nice to see sports history. Oh, and Serena won another title in tennis. Another sport I don't follow much, but still, it's awesome.

True cat story time: I'm not sure what was wrong with me yesterday (think I had a work hangover from Friday, was a crap day) but I was very much "fuck this noise" for the entire day. Perhaps my Logan was channeling Ms. Rainbow, but this morning at two am, he got into bed with me and snuggled in, which he usually does for about ten or fifteen minutes, before he goes on his merry way. Not this time. He left, but came back, about four times over the course of an hour, just letting me hold and love on him. So, today's a better day already, even though I'm going to be tired as hell. I'll be in and out all day, (movies and birthday parties, oh my!) so review replies might be sporadic, but you know, as always, that I will get to them.

For now, the honeymoon continues. A little insecurity from our pregnant Reed Girl, but our Cockyback knows how to handle that shit. I hope you enjoy the fun, and I'll see you next week for a reunion with the rest of the gang, and our favorite furball in Tallahassee :)

Getting Blitzed Chapter 39

"It really makes you feel tiny, you know?"

I looked up from the controls on the boat to where Reed Girl was lounging on the deck, wearing only a tiny red bikini and sunglasses. She looked hot as hell. "What does?"

"Being here, on the water. It's so huge, and we're so small in comparison. I don't know…" She trailed off and shrugged.

"Speak for yourself, short stuff. I'm pretty damn huge."

That made her giggle. "In your own mind, sure. But think about it. Below us, there are creatures that are thousands of times bigger than you. Doesn't that make you feel small?"

I snorted. "Nothing about me is small, baby. And I'll be reminding you of that visually very soon." I steered the boat in the direction the captain had told me about, where there were some hidden coves. I had every intention of making love to Reed Girl on the water, and that would be a good place to do so.

She tipped her sunglasses up and smirked at me. "Did you know that the average penis size of the blue whale is eight feet long and a foot wide? That's bigger than your entire body, Champ. And that's only the average. I bet the biggest one is like twelve feet or something, maybe thirteen. That would be two of you."

She laughed herself silly at the expression on my face. I couldn't fucking help it, though. Picturing a penis that was twice the size of my body end to end was disturbing. And a little emasculating, if I was being honest.

"I don't want to know why you know that." Yes, I kind of did. But I wasn't asking.

She grinned. "What do you think I learned in all those marine biology classes I took? I was thinking of majoring in that, remember? I'm full of fun marine facts."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're full of something, baby."

She came up behind me and slipped her arms around my waist. "Did I mention how sexy you look piloting a boat? And how is it that I didn't know you knew how to drive one?"

I leaned back into her. "I grew up in Florida, baby. Dad had a boat when we were kids. I can't sail, though. Never had the patience to learn that."

She pressed a kiss to my shoulder. I was shirtless, wearing only blue swim trunks. Her hands moved up my abs. "I like it. You're very skilled." Her lips moved across my back. Fucking hot.

"Are you sure it's me who's got you worked up, Reed Girl? Or is it the whale penis?"

She giggled against my skin. "It's definitely you." Her hands caressed my pecs. "It seems unfair that while I get bigger every day, you get sexier."

I stopped the boat and pulled her in front of me. "You are plenty sexy, baby." I ran my hands over her hips. "You're perfect."

She snorted. "Did you see that one woman at the bar when we were getting the boat? She looked like a model. I'm pretty sure she was one."

I shrugged, having no clue. "I have no idea."

"She was looking at you like you were something to eat."

"Can you blame her?" I caught her fist before she plowed it into my gut. "Seriously, baby, she was there with some dude who looked old enough to be her grandfather. Of course she was checking me out, wishing she could have someone like me instead." I pulled her closer, rubbing my hard-on against her. "But she can't, because I'm one hundred percent yours."

Reed Girl melted into me with those words. "You are, aren't you?"

"Yes. And though this might get me in trouble, you have a way better body than she did."

She snorted at that. "Now I know you're lying."

Fuck that noise. "Seriously, baby. You have beautiful curves." I grabbed a handful of her ass. "She had the body of a twelve-year-old boy, with the fake tits of a porn star. I don't find that sexy." My fingers slipped under the bottom of her bikini so I could feel her silky skin. "Your boobs aren't the only thing that I hope don't disappear after the baby comes."

"Yeah?" She tilted her head back to look up at me.

"Yeah. I like being able to hold on to you." I bit her earlobe. "I like being able to thrust into you as hard as I want without worrying that I'll break a rib or something because you're too bony."

She laughed. "I'm pretty sure I've never heard of that happening."

I grinned at her. "You never know. Maybe we'll see it sometime on one of those Sex Sent Me to the ER shows."

Her giggles erupted again. "I'm banning you from watching that show. It gives you crazy ideas."

"You can't ban me, baby. You can only distract me by giving me actual sex."

She inhaled a deep breath. "I guess, if I must." And before I knew what was happening, she'd reached behind her back and undone her bikini top.

I watched with interest as it fell away. "Not that I'm complaining, but the show is most certainly not on right now."

"It probably is somewhere in the world." She shrugged her top off and stood before me in nothing but those skimpy bottoms. "Besides, you got me all worked up watching you steer."

I hooked my fingers in her bottoms. "Remind me to get a boat when we get home."

She laughed. I don't think it'll have the same effect in freezing cold temperatures."

That was a valid point. She wouldn't be nearly naked then, which would be a travesty. "I thought we were going to find that cove."

"We will. After." She untied my trunks. "I want you to fuck me on this boat, in the sunshine, with nothing around us but gorgeous blue-green water." She tugged my shorts down, and I kicked them off.

I glanced around. There were no boats around, but…

"We're taking a chance."

"That's what makes it fun." She set her glasses aside and tossed mine with them. "And the longer you wait, the greater chance there is that someone will catch us."

That was a very good point. And what was I doing worrying about anything when my wife was practically begging me to fuck her? I pulled her bottoms down. "Right here, then?"

She pulled me over to the bench, pushing me down. Then she got on her knees in front of me and took me into her mouth.

"Holy fuck."

I'd had a billion sexual fantasies over my lifetime, and I'd lived quite a number of them, but there was something so incredibly hot about having my sexy, naked wife giving me a blow job in the middle of the ocean. This one hadn't been on my list, but it should have been. So fucking awesome.

When I couldn't stand it anymore, I pulled out of her mouth and nudged her down. I got on top of her and slid inside. It was hot, we were sweaty, and the sun was beating down on us as I fucked her. We rolled all over the deck, with her finally getting on top of me. Watching her throw her body back, the sun glistening on her sweaty sexy skin, was enough to set me off. I touched her clit, and her fingers joined me as we both worked over her. So fucking hot. She clamped down around me, and we both came hard.

She lay on top of me, kissing my neck. "We can knock a boat off the list of places we need to have sex."

I chuckled. "We got the boat, the plane, and on a beach on this trip. Not bad at all, baby."

"Now all we need is a train."

Silly Reed Girl. "That's not all. There are plenty of other vehicular-type places."

"Like?"

"Farm equipment, a tractor of some sort. A riding lawn mower. ATV. Dune buggy. A semi. A submarine. The Goodyear Blimp."

She laughed harder with each idea that I spouted off. "I stand corrected, Mr. Cullen. You are quite the connoisseur of vehicular devices."

"It's a talent, baby. But I'll see what I can do to make those happen."

She giggled. "I look forward to it. Especially the blimp. I don't even know how that could work."

"Where there's a will, there's a way. And I have a very strong will."

She kissed my nose. "You have a very strong something, all right, Mr. Cullen. Now, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put my suit back on or my ass is going to be very red."

I gave it a light smack, which made her squeal. "I kind of like it a little red, Mrs. Cullen."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you do, but this is the kind of red that will make me unfuckable for a day or two."

I lifted her off me and was up before she'd finished speaking, grabbing her bottoms and helping her on with them. She laughed her ass off as I got her situated before I put my trunks back on. Thankfully there were no boats as far as the eye could see.

"You like to play with fire, don't you, wife?"

She laughed as she cuddled into me. "Fucking you in daring places has worked out well for me in the past."

Fuck yeah it had. "This is true, Mrs. Cullen. Shall we look for that cove now?"

"Yes. I'm not done with you yet."

Yep. Best honeymoon ever.

Xoxoxoxox

"What do you want to drink, baby?"

Reed Girl frowned. "Water, I guess."

Model chick had been sipping some concoction that had my wife salivating. Silly girl. She totally wanted one of the fruity drinks. I'd get her one, minus the alcohol. I left her lounging by the pool and wandered over to the Tiki Bar.

"Hi. Can I get a bottle of water and whatever those fancy drinks you make are, minus the alcohol?"

The bartender nodded and got to work while a throat cleared behind me.

I glanced over, and there was the chick who had gotten my wife's ire earlier today. She was in a tiny black bikini that barely covered her nipples, her fake tits spilling out all around them. I hadn't been bullshitting when I'd told Reed Girl that that shit didn't appeal to me. She looked ridiculous.

"Hi. I'm Senna."

Senna? What the fuck kind of name was that?

"Hey." I wasn't giving her my name. There was no reason to.

"Are you enjoying your vacation?"

I rolled my eyes, which she couldn't see because I had my sunglasses on. "It's my honeymoon, and yes. I'm enjoying it very much."

What was taking the bartender so long? It wasn't like he had to mix a bunch of alcohol. I could actually feel Reed Girl's eyes on me, so I made damn sure she knew I wasn't encouraging conversation. I turned my back on weird-named chick.

"I'm on my honeymoon, too."

I fought back a laugh. "Really? I thought maybe that was your dad or your grandpa."

Instead of yelling at me or storming off, she laughed. "Yeah, well, he works a lot, so I have a lot of time to myself. Do you know how I could maybe fill it?"

A deaf man could have heard the invitation in her tone. She wanted to be full of something, like my cock. Too bad that wasn't an option.

"There's karaoke. Maybe you should try that."

"I was thinking of something maybe a little more active. I could use some exercise."

"We're on an island; there's water all around. Why don't you take a long swim?"

We both whirled around at the sound of my wife's voice behind me. Oh, she was pissed. And she was sexy as hell, with her brown eyes shooting fire. So fucking hot. I held my hand out to her, and she took it, curling into my side.

"I'm getting you one of those drinks, minus the alcohol, baby."

The bartender, finally getting his shit together, showed her that I wasn't lying by setting the drink down in front of me.

"Thanks, Champ." She wrapped her lips around the straw, taking a long sip and hollowing out her cheeks.

I might have let out a little moan at the sight.

Reed Girl grinned. "You want a taste?"

"Always."

She stood on her tiptoes and pulled my head down to hers, kissing me soundly. Her tongue met mine, and I got a taste of the tangy fruit, along with the taste of pure Bella. It was awesome.

What's-her-ass had disappeared during my wife's territorial display, not that I'd noticed until she let out a little snort. "That'll teach her for hitting on my husband."

"You're a possessive one, Mrs. Cullen." I grabbed my water bottle and linked hands with her. Instead of heading back to the pool, we walked down to the beach, plopping down on an empty blanket.

"Takes one to know one, Mr. Cullen." She took another sip of her drink. "Besides, one of us had to get rid of her, and you weren't doing it."

I tilted my sunglasses down and shot her a look. "I most certainly was. I told her I was on my honeymoon and having an excellent time. I commented on the fact that her husband looked like her grandpa. And I was about to tell her to go to the gym when you suggested the swim."

Reed Girl sniffed. "Well, she needed to cool down, clearly. And I was kind of hoping she'd get eaten by a shark."

I pulled her onto my lap, situating her so that she straddled me on the blanket. "A shark would choke on her because she's all bone."

I knew that my girl was feeling a little self-conscious. Her body was changing and the hormones were raging, but she had to know she had nothing to worry about.

"Didn't I show you on the boat, twice, that I think you're the sexiest woman alive, Reed Girl?"

She sucked her lip into her mouth, biting down on it, but nodded.

"Don't you know that there's not another woman on the planet who could ever tempt me away from you?"

She released her lip and sighed. "I know. I just…she's so perfect and I'm-"

"Don't you dare call yourself anything other than perfect. Do you know what I see when I look at that chick?"

Reed Girl shook her head.

"I see desperation. Fuck, you can practically smell it coming off her, baby. She's clearly not happy with her life or herself. She wouldn't have had to purchase her tits and God knows what else if she was. Do you know what I see when I look at you?"

Teary brown eyes met mine. She shook her head.

"I see everything. You're my entire world. You're beautiful-you always have been, but you're even more so now, because you're happy. You are, right? You're happy with me and with our life."

She let out a little sob and threw her arms around me. "Of course I am. You've given me more than I ever dreamed I'd have. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life. It's almost unreal."

I held her for a few moments before pulling back so I could see her face. "This place might be a dream, but we're as real as it gets. And I don't blame you for being protective of that. We both know I'm the same way."

She laughed and nodded.

"But you have to know that a hundred models could line up to give me a blow job and I wouldn't be tempted. You're all I want. All I'll ever want. You know that, Bella."

"I know. I hate to be cliché and say that it's the hormones, but I swear it is. My heart will tell me I'm being ridiculous, but the rest of me reacts in all the wrong ways, even though I know it's silly."

"You can claim me anytime you like, Mrs. Cullen. I'm yours to do with as you please."

She kissed me. "I like the sound of that." She got to her feet. "I'm going to get the sunscreen. I can't get burned if I'm going to claim you later."

I shook my head and watched her stroll back to the pool. Her ass filled out her little bikini in all the right ways. How she could think anyone could measure up to her-or hell, eclipse her-was beyond me.

She got the sunscreen and stopped off at the bar. She threw back her head and laughed at something the bartender said, shaking her head. Motherfucker better not be hitting on my wife. And I was just as bad as she was. I knew that. So did she.

I raised a brow when she came back with a beer. "Is that nonalcoholic?"

"No, but it's not for me, it's for you." She sat next to me and gave me a soft kiss. "You're sweet not to drink because I can't, but this is our honeymoon. You should indulge a little."

I brushed her hair off her shoulder and nibbled her neck. "I'm indulging a lot, baby. And loving it."

She squealed and squirmed away from me. "Me, too. And I want to indulge some more shortly. Can you put the lotion on me?"

I took the bottle and squirted some into my hand, smoothing it over her shoulders, down her back and arms, before working my way to the front. "Lie back, baby." She did, and I moved down to her feet, taking the opportunity to feel her up as I protected her gorgeous skin. She was a moaning, writhing mess by the time I got to her bikini bottoms. I let my fingers trace the lines of her swimsuit, and yeah, I dipped in a little bit, making her gasp and moan all the more.

"You know, we're not on our private beach, Champ. Might want to lay off before the hormones make me forget that there are people around and I attack you right here."

I laughed at her breathy warning. Like I'd give a shit? Well, I mean, I wouldn't let anyone see her naked, but the blanket was big… I could totally wrap us in it. It'd be hot, but we'd survive. Still, there was a time and a place.

I moved my hands up to her belly and leaned down. "Tell your mom to behave herself, Dani. Here I am, innocently protecting her from the sun, and she's getting all excited and inappropriate. We can't take her anywhere, can we?"

Reed Girl laughed her ass off as I worked my way up to her awesome breasts. "Watch those hands, Cullen. You wouldn't want to be responsible for me misbehaving in front of our daughter, after all."

I ran my fingers over her nipples and watched her gorgeous eyes darken. "We can use you as an example of what not to do."

She smacked my hand away, as I'd known she would. Still, she was laughing and having fun again, which had been my goal. Hormones were a pain in the ass, but I could counteract that shit. I was awesome like that.

"We both know you're going to be the example of what not to do. You're the one who claims he won't let her date until she's thirty. God help you if she has your libido."

"That's not… Don't even joke about that, baby." It was a horrifying thought. "She won't be like me. I won't allow it."

Reed Girl laughed and rolled us over so she was on top of me. "Dani will be lucky if she's like you. You're smart, sweeter than anyone would ever guess, funny, sarcastic, determined, loyal, and you have an amazing heart. I want all that for her."

She floored me. "She can have all that, along with your talent, your gorgeous looks, your patience, your sense of humor, and your heart, which is way better than mine."

Reed Girl bent forward and kissed me, melting into me. After a few minutes, she pulled back and smiled down at me. "I'm in favor of all that."

"Me, too. Mix that with the libido of a eunuch, and we're good to go."

That set her off in gales of laughter. "God, it's going to be fun to watch you be a father. I kind of can't wait."

"Well, I know I'll fuck it up now and then, but I'm going to do my best to be a good one."

She shook her head and ran her fingers through my hair. "You're going to be an awesome father, Edward. There's not a doubt in my mind."

I didn't know about awesome, but I knew I'd work hard at it. "I'll do my best, baby."

"Your best is as good as it gets, Champ. And, though you may fuck up a time or two, I'll be at your side to help you deal with it. Just like you will be for me."

Her faith in me made the nerves I still felt about being a father slip away. "There's no place I'd rather be, Reed Girl."

"Me either, Edward."