Thank you all so much for the feedback and interest! This was supposed to be a short two-shot, but it kind of got out of hand. I hope y'all are comfortable!
Hiei threw back his fifth shot, the burn of the cinnamon whiskey doing little to drown out the numerous regrets reverberating in his mind or the scourge of humiliation that flared beneath his skin.
The accursed, pointless attraction he harbored for the ferry-girl - the secret he intended to take to his grave - was unraveled and put on display for all to see.
And it was all his fault.
If he were forced to pinpoint when this unnatural desire began, he wouldn't be able to say for sure. The ferry-girl was bright, loud, cheery and far too impossible to ignore. Before he realized it, she claimed more of his attention that anyone had any business owning. He began to notice the way she cared, the way she tried, the way she was. At first, he chalked it up to temporary insanity. Either the human world air must have finally infected his mind or the Spirit World found a way to brainwash him. But when weeks and months passed and his interest failed to wane, he realized that perhaps this was a little more serious than he originally assumed it to be.
He developed the bad habit of spotting her in a crowd. His eyes often trailed after her when she was unaware. He listened to the things she said. Observed the way her expressions and emotions fluctuated. Before he knew it, he knew more about her than he ever meant to, and his interest snowballed into something he could not will away or pretend did not exist.
The best he could do was carry on as though it didn't affect him, as though he wasn't pulled out from the darkness and into the light of her gravity.
And for a number of years, he'd done just that. He barely acknowledged her presence, only looking at or speaking to the woman when it was absolutely necessary. It was easy to carry on with the weight of his attraction buried deep in his chest when their contact remained so minimal. He learned how to live with it, as if it were a handicap he was forced to overcome.
But fate always found a way to curse his very existence and the years he spent expertly repressing his desires and tempering his actions were suddenly undone in the span of a few measly hours.
"Dude, lighten up!" Haru nudged him. "You're scaring off all the ladies."
That was just as well. There was nothing for him in this damned tavern. The patrons were too rowdy, the drinks were too watered down and the crowd was becoming too large. He thought he might be able to distract himself by drowning his humiliation with alcohol and fulfilling his desires with a random bedmate. He thought he would be able to rid himself of bright eyes and that soft smile.
But it was all in vain.
The women here were nothing like the ferry-girl, and their stark differences only served to remind him of her even more. No one had that shade of blue hair, or those peculiar eyes, or that indomitably cheery disposition.
"Hi-ei!"
"What?" he snapped.
"Just tell me what's wrong."
Hiei threw back another drink, but refrained from answering.
"I'm sure I can help," Haru prodded. "They don't call me the great problem solver for nothing!"
"No one calls you that."
"Oh, humor me, would you?" he urged. He propped his elbows up on the bar, resting his face in his hands. "Talking things through helps put them into perspective. So, go on, tell your best buddy all about it."
"..."
"Come on. I'm sure it can't be that bad."
"It was nothing short of a catastrophe."
"Well, you can't lead with that and not follow through!" Haru was practically on the edge of his barstool as he leaned in closer to Hiei.
The fire-demon sighed. Perhaps the drug was still lingering in his system, or maybe it was the alcohol running through his blood — whatever the case, he found himself telling Haru everything from its cataclysmic start to its confusing end.
"Oh Hiei..." Haru hollered as he slapped a hand on against his thigh and attracted all sorts of odd looks their way. "I only wish I could've seen it myself!"
"..."
"I mean, why would you even touch one of Kurama's plants in the first place? You totally should've known better!" he snorted. "And all those things you said to Botan! Who knew you were such a flirt!"
"Haru," he gritted between his teeth.
Haru sniffed, wiping a tear away. "I can't believe our little Hiei is all grown up and facing his feelings."
"I hope you choke on your own stupidity and die," Hiei said by way of departing words as he threw a few gold coins on the bar and made to leave.
"Aw, c'mon, I was only kidding. Don't be like that!" Haru pleaded.
Hiei shot him a flat look, clearly unconvinced.
"I'll behave, I promise!" Haru vowed solemnly.
Hiei crossed his arms over his chest, watching as the emotion-reader did his best to school his features into something more serious and less amused.
"I'm just proud of you is all," the other man continued. "Even if you needed the help of some psychedelic flower, you still got in touch with your feelings and were honest about them! That's a good thing."
"It was anything but good," Hiei muttered under his breath as he sat down and faced the front of the bar again.
"Aw, give yourself a little credit!" Haru clapped his back. "You finally confessed! It must feel liberating to have that weight lifted off your chest."
"It wasn't so troubling that it ever bothered me to that extent," the fire-demon denied, his expression darkening as he stared down at the line of empty shot glasses. "I feel no relief, only regret."
"I really think you're looking at it the wrong way. All things considered, it could have been worse."
Hiei side-eyed the other man.
"How in the three worlds could it have been worse?"
Haru rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"Well, a lesser woman might've been scared off by your advances, but not your ferry-girl! She handled it like a champ." Haru's lips curved upwards as he wiggled his eyebrows. "If you ask me, it almost seemed like she was warming up to the possibility of HiBo."
Crimson eyes narrowed. "What the fuck is that?"
"Your couple name!" Haru grinned proudly. "Keep up with the times, dude."
"I wish you would act more like someone befitting of your post," Hiei accused, his tone withering.
"And I wish you'd stop deflecting so much!" Haru countered. "Are you seriously telling me that there wasn't a single moment where she seemed open to the idea of being with you? Can you honestly say with one-hundred percent certainty that there isn't a chance she might be interested in you too?"
Hiei replayed their interactions clinically. At first, the woman was rightly wary of him, careful and tentative with his feelings. As the evening wore on, things began to change. She slowly shed her caution, treating him normally, as if he was just another member of their ragtag group. She even went as far as revealing her own startling truths: confessing that she thought them to be friends and that she liked many things about him. It wasn't necessarily uncharacteristic of the ferry-girl - she seemed to like everyone and everything - but it was unexpected. No one had ever made such an effort to see or know him; no one ever said such things about him before.
He didn't necessarily need it. He wasn't so sensitive or fragile that he craved acceptance. But it was...
It was something.
There was even a moment when he thought he saw something akin to interest in her eyes. He wasn't thinking too clearly at the time, but in retrospect, the ferry-girl's behavior certainly was surprising. Perhaps she really did-
Hiei shook his head to dispel himself of such futile thoughts. It would do him no good to suddenly start thinking like Haru.
"No," he answered finally. "Once again, you're letting your emotion-reader title run away with you and misreading the facts."
"Am I?" Haru prodded at him lightly with an insistent finger. "Or are you just afraid of the possibility that she might accept you?"
Hiei swatted him away with a scoff, "I fear nothing."
Haru chuckled knowingly behind his glass, before finishing up the last of his drink. He fixed his green eyes on Hiei once more, determination in the curve of his smile.
"So, what's the plan?" he asked.
"The plan?"
"Yeah, what are you going to do now? You can't just pretend this whole thing never happened."
"That's exactly what I aim to do."
"But this is the perfect opportunity to sweep her off her feet. Make her yours!"
"I don't want her to be."
Confusion ran rampant through the other man's features, crinkling orange brows and drawing them closer together.
"I thought you liked her?"
"I'm not suited for things like that. Now that this secret is out in the open, it can shrivel up and die." His gaze hardened as he continued, "and we can all move on."
Haru's features fell into a look of disappointment and pity.
The fire-demon pretended not to see it, though.
He was beyond it all.
.
.
.
At least he thought he was.
He ended up seeing the ferry-girl during one of the routine, diplomatic meetings. As Mukuro's right-hand man, he often showed up in her party. He never sat in on the assemblies, much preferring to stand guard outside.
This time, they all convened inside a large room within the Spirit World's western halls. Haru and Mukuro were beyond the large blue door, along with other prominent members of the demon, human and spirit realms. Hiei opted to remain in the hallway, eyes drifting towards the open window idly. It was abnormally quiet and empty within the halls, save for the occasional administrative ogre passing by. The sky was a gentle pink, far different from the cerulean blues of the human world and the bloodstained reds of Makai. Wispy, thin clouds idled by as a warm breeze trickled inside the temple. Time passed by slowly and uneventfully, until he heard the familiar slapping of sandals against polished floors. It was undoubtedly the ferry-girl; no other had already her flowery scent or distinctive energy pattern.
She usually joined in on all things diplomatic, remaining faithfully and dutifully at Koenma's side. It was odd for her to be so late.
When she rounded the corner and came into sight, she was slightly out of breath. Her chest was heaving, cheeks touched with color and hair windswept. Judging by the ruffled look of her usually pristine kimono, she must have run all the way over here. Flying apparently wasn't allowed in the halls. He continued to watch her as she smoothened the wrinkles in her kimono and readjusted one of the straps on her sandals. She then lifted her hands up to her disheveled hair, retying her ponytail with a fluid and practiced ease, before running her fingers through her bangs.
"Did they start already?" Botan asked.
"It's well underway," he replied.
"Oh poo," she complained, shoulders deflating in defeat. "I suppose it would be rude of me to enter now."
"Do what you want, woman," Hiei said as he leaned against the large pillar that flanked the door. "Everyone else in that room already does."
"That's no way to speak about our high ranking officials, you know," she chastised lightly, although the amusement was clearly written all over her face.
Hiei shrugged. "Doesn't make it any less true."
The ferry-girl bit back a knowing smile as she leaned back against the opposite pillar, hands folded loosely in front of her.
"I suppose I'll just wait out here with you. If you don't mind, that is."
He tempered his expression, masking his surprise with indifference.
"Do as you will."
She smiled and nodded in return.
This wasn't the first time they ran into each other during these summits and it certainly wouldn't be the last. It was, however, the first time he'd seen her since the incident.
He expected the ferry-girl to be jittery and skittish around him. He thought she might find excuses to avoid him at all costs. He expected her to eye him cagily and curiously, as if he was a mystery that needed to be solved. Instead, she was as relaxed as ever; perfectly fine with being in his presence unaccompanied.
It was entirely uncharacteristic of her. And she continued to baffle him to know end.
"I wonder what they're discussing now," she mused.
Hiei turned to see that Botan's ear was pressed to the door, a small wrinkle in her brow as she concentrated.
He uncrossed his arms and listened in for a moment or two, before letting out a scoff, "It's nothing of importance. Yomi's being abstruse, as usual."
Botan's voice lowered into a conspiratorial whisper as she leaned closer to him. "Is it wrong of me to say that he kind of creeps me out?"
"He is a cryptic bastard."
She covered her laugh with her hand, amethyst eyes glittering with glee.
"He's nowhere near as bad as Koji, though!"
Hiei scowled as he thought of the pompous spirit. "The fool's ego is the size of the three realms combined."
"You can say that again!" she agreed. "Aside from Lord Koenma, most of our officials are awful. At least the ones from your territory are pleasant."
"I wouldn't go that far," he said. "Haru is a pest. And Mukuro is equal parts ruthless and underhanded when she needs to be."
"I suppose you would know them best," she conceded. "But I still think they're both darlings."
"You would."
She ignored his comment in lieu of continuing on with her appraisals.
"Yusuke's territory has some noble souls," Botan continued. "Hokushin's polite and upstanding."
"He's far too uptight."
"You're one to talk."
"What?"
"I-I mean, er, you know..." she motioned fruitlessly with her hands for a few moments. "Sometimes you can be a little guarded and closed off."
"As opposed to you, shooting off at the mouth constantly?
"I do not shoot off at the mouth!"
"Then what do you call your incessant blathering?"
"It's called being able to hold a decent conversation, unlike you! It's like pulling teeth with you sometimes, even though we all know you're quite capable of saying whatever it is that's on your mind," she shot back. "Honestly, I think you just like being difficult."
His mouth quirked upwards wryly. It was almost humorous: the woman was accusing him of being difficult, when his interactions with her and attraction towards her had never been easy on any level.
"This isn't funny, Hiei!"
"I'm not laughing."
"No, but that cagey look on your face says more than enough!" she countered. "I bet you're thinking all sorts of rude and mean things about me, aren't you?"
"Contrary to your deluded beliefs: no."
All of the fight seemed to drain from her upon hearing his answer. She blinked slowly, dark lashes fluttering with the action.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Huh, now I feel a little silly for accusing you like that."
"As you should."
"Hey!"
He only smirked in response.
Despite their squabbling, there was a peculiar smile tucked away in the corner of her lips and lighting up her amethyst eyes.
"This isn't so bad."
"Arguing?"
"No, silly! You and me – interacting for a change," she revealed, her smile widening. "You're pretty pleasant company when you let your guard down. And talkative, too! Why, it almost seems as if you're-"
Botan cut herself off immediately, although it was plainly obvious that she was about to reference that damned veritas veis and the effect it had on him. She suddenly looked uncomfortable for the first time since she arrived, lips pursed and gaze averted as she fiddled with the ends of her oversized sleeves aimlessly. Perhaps it was time to address what they were both clearly avoiding. Perhaps it was time to clear the air.
"For someone who loves to talk, you haven't said a word about the other day," Hiei noted.
Botan's eyes widened as she brought her gaze up to meet his. She blinked away the surprise, expression settling into something more reflective now.
"I didn't think it was fair to hold you accountable for what you said. You were under the influence after all."
"..."
"Besides, there's no way any of that was how you really felt," she said, rubbing the back of her neck as she laughed nervously. "I-it must have been a strange side effect of the truth serum, right?"
Crimson eyes remained on her searchingly. This was the woman's self-sacrificing way of giving him an out. This was his opportunity to save face and repair his beaten and battered pride. This was his chance to turn his back on this entire disaster.
He should have taken it.
He would've.
But he couldn't ignore the slight waver of her voice any more than he could the uncertain look in her eyes.
She was attempting to be fair to him — the least he could do was be true in return. Besides, his secret was already out; there was little point in denying it.
"You really are dense when you want to be, woman."
"Hey!"
"Everything I said that day was the truth."
Botan's mouth fell open in wordless shock, so he continued.
"You've always been just outside of my understanding. It was admittedly irritating in the beginning, but you caught my attention and wouldn't let it go." Crimson met amethyst. "You were and still are a contradiction in every sense of the word. The complete opposite of your kind. I'll never understand you, and that's what started this strange interest. I loathe to admit that it still lingers, but there's no sense in hiding it now."
"You are, too, you know," she pointed out. "A contradiction, that is." She smiled gently. "Sure, you can be rash and violent and mean, but there are plenty of times when you aren't. I've noticed you, too, Hiei."
"Of course you have," he replied. "I know all about your penchant for spying and voyeurism."
"It's not spying!" she denied. "And I've never spied on you!" She paused and shook her head. "Well, there was that one time during the Dark Tournament, but it was an accident, and I didn't even-"
He smirked.
Botan's shoulders fell slightly as the realization set in.
"You're teasing me, aren't you?"
"Hn."
"You're awful, Hiei."
"So you've told me before."
The bluette's expression settled into a look of fond exasperation as she folded her arms under her chest.
"Well, I appreciate your honesty, even though you're still proving to be difficult," she stated. "I'd even go as far as saying that we're a little closer to understanding each other now, don't you think?"
He thought about it for a moment. There certainly seemed to be far more transparency between them now. The veil that once separated them all but vanished with a few simple words of honesty.
"Perhaps things aren't entirely the same," he agreed lowly.
Botan's features softened at his words. The sun haloed her in a pale glow, highlighting the pink color of her eyes. There was something new swirling around in her gaze as the air between them became charged. The ferry-girl never looked at him like that before: so searching and intrigued. He hardly knew what to make of it, but he couldn't turn away.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we allowed ourselves to..."
He frowned in confusion.
"If we what?" he pushed.
"If you and I-"
The automatic door slid open with a whoosh and they were suddenly separated by a stream of exiting officials. It must have been the midway recess already, Hiei thought to himself as he watched the mix of humans, demons and spirits walk down the hall while chattering on. He waited impatiently for the last few to clear out, gritting his teeth in annoyance as they took their sweet time. By the time he fixed his sights back no the ferry-girl, she seemed to snap out of that strange reverie.
"I really ought to head in now," she said. "I'm sure Lord Koenma must be wondering where I am."
His fingers twitched as he resisted the urge to reach out and stop her, but he had no business doing something that impetuous. He closed his hand into a fist and tempered himself. If she wanted to leave, he would let her go.
"I hope I'll see you around," she offered.
Hiei kept his eyes focused on her as she walked away, his mind running on overdrive and his heart kicking up with a strange new rhythm.
If this were a few years ago, he would have holed himself up in training until Botan's smile was erased from his mind. He would have pushed every single thought linking to blue hair and inviting eyes to the back of his mind. He would have avoided all further contact with her for as long as he could.
He couldn't find it within himself to do any of those things now, not while the confusing web of affections he held towards the woman was unraveling, spilling out and overflowing without hope of containment. He was supposed to have it under control. He was supposed to be beyond the baser desires of lust and longing. But just one conversation - just a few minutes with the ferry-girl - and he was already a lost cause.
Their eyes met once more and she offered him a small, private smile.
Hiei was forced to glance away, but one thing held true: he wouldn't mind seeing her again.
He wouldn't mind it at all.
.
.
.
Hiei got his wish sooner than he thought he would, during one of his check-ins with Yukina. He only meant to stop by for a short while, but the ice-maiden always made it easy for him to stay.
"Yukina, I brought the ingredients you asked for!" Botan's voice sang out.
Hiei narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his sister, but she pretended not to notice. She fixed her ruby eyes towards the door that had just slid open, watching as the ferry-girl entered unassumingly. Botan froze and blinked, looking between the twins with wide eyes.
"Oh, I didn't know you had company," she apologized. Her surprise gave way to a pleased smile, not unlike a mother seeing her two children get along. She waved a dismissive hand as she backtracked. "Don't mind this little kitten. I'll just put these away in the kitchen and be on my way."
"There's no need for you to leave, Botan," Yukina replied, taking a step forward and placing her hands over Botan's. She gently pried the bags out of the ferry-girl's grip and smiled warmly. "In fact, I wanted to make these for the both of you. So you really should stay."
Botan blinked and tilted her head in confusion.
"You were making these for Hiei and I?" she repeated slowly.
Yukina nodded. "Yes, you're both fans of manju, so I thought I would make some today."
Blue brows lifted over rounded eyes as the ferry-girl whipped her head in the direction of the fire-demon. "I had no idea you cared for sweets, Hiei!"
He averted his gaze as Yukina smiled knowingly.
"He pretends he's doesn't," she whispered.
Botan clapped her hands together. "Oh, how cute!"
Hiei glared at the two of them, but Botan was too busy mulling over the new information she learned about him to notice and Yukina was never affected by his ire.
"I'll get started on these," she offered. "Please, make yourselves comfortable. It's a lovely day, maybe you two should take a stroll."
The ferry-girl's mirth was quickly wiped from her face, her gaze darting between the fire-demon and the ice-maiden. While the woman was always acting strange due to something or the other, it was obvious that he was missing something integral.
"Yukina!" Botan hissed. "I can't-"
Yukina only smiled in return and continued towards the kitchen, leaving Botan to look back at Hiei with a pout.
"Your sister can be a tricky one when she wants to be," the ferry-girl muttered as she shed her brown jacket and folded it atop one of the sitting pillows.
"She's far less gullible than she appears."
"She really is."
"More cunning than her appearance suggests."
"Much more!"
"And you seem to know exactly why she left."
"Well, of course I do!" Botan offered easily. It took all of two seconds before she caught herself and gasped. "Um, what I meant to say was — I didn't really-" She wilted like a withering flower. "Oh poo. I don't suppose there's a chance you'll forget I ever said anything at all, is there?"
"Not likely. Now tell me why you're both acting so suspicious."
"It's private," she tried.
"As if you even know the meaning of the word," he mocked, taking a step closer.
"You can insult me all you want, mister, but I'm not saying a word," she replied, turning her nose up in the air.
"The first time I asked was merely a courtesy. I do have other methods of getting the information I need," he warned, the jagan glowing a faint blue beneath his bandana.
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Try me."
"Hiei-"
The jagan glowed brighter in response and Botan caved in.
"Okay, I'll tell you!" she exclaimed. "There's just one thing I want you to promise me first…"
"What is it?" he pressed.
" You can't get angry at me because of it."
"Why would I-"
"Just promise," she insisted.
"…Fine," he appeased.
"And you can't treat me weirdly after, either," she added hurriedly.
The ferry-girl hadn't treated him any worse after his run in with the veritas veis, so he owed it to her to do the same. "You have my word."
"Okay." She took in a deep breath and released it slowly, wringing her hands all the while. "The truth is: I told Yukina that I was hoping you and I could have more one-on-one time. It was just a passing statement, really, but I suppose she took it to heart. That's must be why she left us on our own."
Hiei's eyes narrowed as he tried to make sense of her words. No matter how many times he replayed them, they didn't add up. There was no reason for Botan to want to be around him after learning all about his unbidden attraction to her. It didn't make any sense. Not unless the ferry-girl was spurred on by some misplaced sense of guilt. Or sympathy. Or worst of all: pity.
"Do you pity me now that you've learned the truth?"
"No!" she bit out, shaking her head adamantly and causing her ponytail to sway behind her. "How could you even say something like that!"
"Then why-"
"Because I liked talking with you. I liked listening to what you had to say. And I liked having you listen to me in return. We never really had the chance to do that without the others around and it was surprisingly nice. So, yes, I wanted to do it again," she revealed. "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"
"Because you were never so inclined before."
"Not for lack of trying," Botan corrected. "You never seemed receptive enough."
"And you think I am now?"
"Well... you're still here, aren't you?" she pointed out lightly.
Hiei averted his gaze. He supposed she had a point, though he didn't want to admit it.
"Anyway, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable and I certainly didn't expect for Yukina to set us both up like this," she said. "I understand if you'd rather leave."
Hiei frowned slightly. He didn't know why she was putting words his mouth.
"I'm not going anywhere," he said.
"That's right," she acknowledged. "You were here first, so I suppose I should be the one to take my leave."
He watched her gather her jacket in her hands and take a few steps towards the door. That same overwhelming urge to keep her near overtook him again. He didn't want her to leave, but he couldn't find the words to say.
"Well, goodbye," Botan said.
"Wait," he bit out.
She turned to face him slowly, the light of hope in her eyes. "Yes?"
The sweet scent of fried dough and sugar was already filling the air between them, intermingling with the familiar and savory scents of Yukina's cooking. It was obvious that his sister intended for them to stick around for more than just a quick snack. Perhaps that would be enough to make the ferry-girl stay.
"Yukina's expecting the both of us," he deflected. "Don't disappoint her."
Botan pursed her lips, expression falling as she turned away slightly and set her hand on the sliding door. "It's fine… I can always come back later-"
"I thought this was what you wanted," he cut in. "Or have you already changed your mind?"
"I don't want it if I have to force you into it," Botan said firmly. "I want you to want it, too."
She was such a confusing enigma. And, to make matters worse, she really and truly had no idea what she was doing to him. She wanted them to be closer - to be friends. It was true to her nature. It fell perfectly in line with her affable personality. But he wasn't built the same way as her. He wasn't capable of doling out bits of himself to others easily. If he indulged her, he would want more than he could ever have.
"…You're asking an awful lot from me, woman," he said lowly.
"I know," she admitted. "I know I am."
He must have been a masochist because the prospect of giving in was far better than letting her go. He was willing to play this game, even with no victory in sight.
"What do you propose we do?" he asked flatly.
Botan's eyes widened.
"You mean… you really don't mind?"
"I don't."
The smile that overtook her features was slow and gradual. It stretched her lips as they curved upwards and caused her eyes to shine.
"How about we take that stroll? It much too lovely of a day to be cooped up inside."
He pushed his hands in his pockets and nodded. Botan was grinning now, pearly whites on full display. He was surprised to find a similar vein of satisfaction coursing through him as well.
How strange.
The ferry-girl led the way down a beaten path through the forest, an extra pep in her step as she took the reins of their conversation. The sun shone on them from the gaps in the tall trees and small animals skittered around as she spoke about all manner of topics. He had never been interested in the ongoings of the Spirit World, but he didn't mind hearing about her opinions and thoughts. She got him to open up as well, prompting him to reveal details about his work and life at the fortress. He had never done anything like this before - simply speaking for the sake of speaking. He never told anyone about his day or about the things he liked and disliked. It was odd, but he didn't deem it a waste of time.
He looked up at the drifting clouds, feeling an odd sense of peace settle over him.
He liked the ferry-girl.
He liked Botan.
He wasn't merely attracted to her body, he found himself drawn to her soul. He liked her light and buoyancy. He admired her character and strength of heart. Admitting it to himself didn't seem like such a crime, especially not while she was smiling beside him, the backs of their hands brushing every so often.
Coming to terms with the emotions he'd locked away for so long was more liberating than he thought it would be.
Perhaps, in due time, he could break the chains entirely.
.
.
.
A few days later, Hiei found himself back in the human world, seated in a secluded corner of the Yukimura diner. It was a routine he developed with the ex-detective, one that remained under wraps between the two of them. He'd show up once a week, always on the same night and around the same time, and Yusuke would have a table open for him and food waiting.
He enjoyed the alone time. And Yusuke's food wasn't bad, either.
Hiei never stuck around too long, but a new presence shifted his carefully crafted routine out of whack.
He felt the woman before he saw her.
Botan.
She entered the shop wearing human world attire and an eager smile on her face. He couldn't quite hear her conversation with Yusuke, what with the buzz of noise from the other patrons blocking him, but he caught enough. She swapped shifts with one of her fellow ferry-girls, finished up early and "decided to stop by the most famous diner in town".
After a few more rounds of small talk, Yusuke alerted Botan to Hiei's position in the far corner with a weasel-like grin plastered over his face. The woman's expression brightened considerably when she spotted him and Hiei pushed down that pesky lightness in his chest that arose as she approached his table.
"Fancy meeting you here, Hiei," she greeted warmly. "Though, I never would've guessed you paid our friends social visits like this."
"It's not Yusuke that I came for," he amended. Botan looked down at his food and nodded in understanding. "And nobody knows because it wasn't meant to be advertised."
"Well, Yusuke's cuisine is exceptional, so I can see why you'd cross world borders for it," she replied with a teasing grin. "Don't worry, your little secret is safe with me."
"I highly doubt that."
"Have a little faith in me, Hiei!"
"You've given me no reason to when it comes to that mouth of yours."
"I kept your secret with Yukina, didn't I?"
"Just barely."
"Well, it still counts!"
"Just barely," he repeated pointedly.
Botan pouted, but he could tell that it was all for show.
"Stop sulking and take a seat, woman," he invited.
The ferry-girl was clearly caught off guard by his offer, but within a few moments she regained her bearings enough to nod.
"I could go for some of Yusuke's delicious cooking..." she said, plopping down into the chair directly across from Hiei. She picked up the laminated menu and turned it over, the lower half of her face obscured as amethyst eyes scanned the selection of dishes. He didn't have to see the rest of her expression to know that she was happy. It was obvious enough based upon the way her eyes were crinkled slightly at the edges as she hummed along to the music drifting in from overhead.
In the past, Hiei would have never encouraged any fraternizing between them. He would have kept his distance and continued on pretending she didn't exist. But something changed ever since that afternoon in the Spirit World. He allowed his want to escape and he couldn't find the will to bottle it up again.
It didn't help that Botan was so keen on wasting her time with him, either.
"What do you recommend?" she asked, peering over at him from the top of the menu.
"You've been here before," he replied, recalling the many occasions he'd been roped into coming here with the entire group. "You should know what you like by now."
Botan lowered the menu and nodded. "I do, but Yusuke's always adding new dishes. As his most loyal customer, you must know what's best."
He rolled his eyes. She was never going to let him live this ritual down.
"Come on, it's impolite to keep a girl waiting," she goaded.
"Try the seafood plate," he grumbled. "It's new, but passable."
"Okay!" she agreed.
She sat a little straighter in her chair as she looked around for Yusuke and flagged him down. He made his way to them shortly after, wearing a white apron with a small notepad tucked away in one of the pockets. It was obvious that he was in his element here. As free and uninhibited as he was when in battle.
"What can I do for my favorite grim reaper?" he asked, setting a garnished pink drink in front of her.
"Well, a little dragon told me that the seafood specialty was especially tasty," Botan replied.
"Good choice," he replied with a smirk. He then looked to Hiei. "You good?"
"Hn." Hiei didn't see the need for useless small talk; besides, Yusuke had a sixth sense for what his regulars wanted.
"Alright, a seafood specialty for the reaper and another side of pork dumplings for the man of few words," he announced. "See you crazy kids in a bit."
Another table accosted him before he could head back to the kitchen, and Botan's gaze lingered on him as he interacted with the humans.
"It's hard to believe he's the same juvenile delinquent who used to get into fights all the time," Botan mused. "Now he's all grown up and finally thinking about his future with Keiko."
Hiei watched Botan swirl her straw around her drink aimlessly, but refrained from saying anything.
"Now that I think about it, all of our friends are settling down," she considered. "Yukina and Kuwabara are still going strong and steady..."
He hid his disgust behind his glass and he drained it of its contents.
"Shizuru seems to be in a pretty serious relationship with that handsome businessman of hers — although she refuses to let me meet him!"
Hiei held back a snort as he placed the glass back down on the table. The elder Kuwabara continued to hold true to her sensible nature. Keeping the ferry-girl out of her affairs was probably for the best, as she would undoubtedly become too invested in the relationship.
"And I'm almost positive Kurama is dating someone, but he's being so tight-lipped about it!"
Hiei didn't much care, but he suspected the same. The fox had been awfully sneaky as of late.
"You know what this means, don't you?" Botan pressed.
"No."
"We're the only single ones left!"
Hiei waited for her to continue, but after a few seconds of silence, it was clear that she wasn't going to elaborate.
"I fail to see your point."
"I don't have a point, per se, but it does make me wonder," she went on, looking over at him meaningfully. In the low lighting of the restaurant, her eyes appeared more purple than pink. The shade of her cerulean hair darkened into a deeper blue. "Do you ever think about settling down one day?"
"No."
"Really?"
"I'm not suited for such things."
"Well, that's the biggest load of poppycock I've heard all day!" she opposed. "You've got the makings of a great partner."
"You're letting your optimism cloud your judgment."
"I am not!" She began counting on her fingers. "You're strong, honest, loyal and brave. Sure, you can be a little impulsive and rude at times, but it all evens out, I'd say!"
"Hn. Your flattery amounts to nothing, ferry-girl," he replied. "Especially since I lack the interest or the will to participate in anything even remotely romantic."
"Romance and love doesn't necessarily have to be cliché or over the top, you know. Even something as simple as this could constitute as a date."
Hiei's lips slanted down into a frown as he tried to make sense of her contradictory nature. Botan was the type to get caught up in all things sentimental and romantic. Surely she wasn't serious.
"This is all it would take for you?" he asked.
She nodded.
"If I liked somebody, I would want to spend time with them. I'd want to get to know them," she answered pointedly. "It doesn't matter what we do, as long as we're together."
She was looking back at him expectantly and he felt as though he was missing something crucial, but he shook it off. Sentimentalities were as big of a mystery to him as Botan herself was. It didn't do him any good trying to figure either out.
"Whatever you say, woman."
"You really don't see where I'm going with this?" she asked tentatively.
"I thought that much was clear."
"Oh, poo," she lamented. "And here I thought I was being smooth."
"You're not making any sense," he replied flatly.
"That's alright," she appeased, gaze sweeping over him with a gentle assurance. "There's always next time."
He really didn't know what she was getting at or why she was being so ambiguous, but he supposed it didn't matter. Botan had never made things easy for him before, so he shouldn't have expected her to do the opposite now.
His gaze dipped down to her lips as she pulled her drink through her straw. He wondered what it would it be like under different circumstances. If a man like him was enough for a woman like her. It was all fruitless speculation on his part. He knew that he would never have her in the way he wanted, but she really wasn't doing anything to discourage him. Because when she wasted her time and attentions on him so carelessly, she made him think he actually had a chance.
.
.
.
Hiei had been seeing an awful lot of the ferry-girl lately.
It wasn't a complaint, just a mere fact.
Although he pledged his allegiance to Mukuro and lived in Makai, obligation and duty tethered him to the remaining two realms. His sister resided within the human world, so he was required to make frequent trips there. He was often roped into occasions with the old team, as well. And with the three realms becoming more unified and focused on peace, he found himself in the Spirit World more often than he would have liked.
In retrospect, crossing paths with the ferry-girl was nothing new. There was always another diplomatic meeting or pointless social gathering to attend.
This, however, was unchartered territory.
"Tada!" Botan exclaimed, revealing the checkered blanket spread out on the roof of an old archive tower. Atop the blanket sat a plate of rice balls, a bottle of sake and two matching porcelain cups. "I thought we could share a meal together. Last time was so nice, after all."
When she accosted him after their diplomatic meeting, he had no idea what to expect. This certainly wasn't it.
"What do you say?"
The meeting ran an hour over its intended time and his stomach grumbled insistently at the sight of food. He was hungry. And she was offering.
With a nod, he took a seat. Botan followed suit, legs tucked underneath her. She motioned for him to take his pick first, so he reached out for the rice ball closest to him and took a bite. It was filled with salted salmon. He didn't know how she knew he preferred these, but he appreciated it. The sake was smooth and dry, pairing well with the flavor of the soy sauce and fish.
Unlike the last time, the ferry-girl was uncharacteristically quiet. She wasn't eating much; nibbling slowly on a single rice ball in the time it had taken him to consume three.
Every now and then she would glance at him, bite at her bottom lip, down the cup of sake held tightly in her hands and then pour herself another round. He didn't know her to be a heavy drinker, but the woman kept guzzling it down like she was on a mission.
He figured something was on her mind, but he didn't push the subject. She was an expert at saying what she wanted and how she felt. If she needed to, she would talk.
She was, however, going to drink herself into oblivion if she kept this up. By her fourth cup, he decided to intervene.
"You shouldn't overdo it," he warned.
"You're one to talk, Hiei," she retorted, placing the cup down. "You hardly ever err on the side of caution."
"That doesn't mean you should follow suit," he discouraged.
Botan didn't say anything in return, but she did seem to relax as she gazed into the pink horizon. Her aura was less troubled now, and whatever it was on her mind faded into the background. Hiei felt his own tensions easing in turn, as if linked to the ferry-girl.
The woman had an uncanny way of lowering his guard, bit by careful bit. Every time he was near her, he found himself shedding the outer layers he put on for the world. His indifference, his anger, his pride — they melted and fell by the wayside.
The two didn't say exchange a single word for a while, both preferring to sit in a comfortable silence. He was no stranger to just existing in the moment, in fact, it's what he excelled at. Whether he was nestled in a tree in the human world or demon world or seated in a secluded alcove of Mukuro's fortress, he had developed the habit of staring out in the distance and letting his mind rest. He never thought of anything in particular. He didn't see the point in overthinking things. It was easy to disconnect from himself and feel the world around him: the energy in the air, the flowing winds, the varying scents and sounds.
He usually did this alone.
It wasn't so bad with Botan at his side, though.
"This really is such a beautiful view," she began. "But no matter how breathtaking it is, I keep finding myself looking back at you."
Hiei raised a brow at her. Her cheeks were rosier than before, eyes distant and glassy. The sake must have finally caught up with her.
"You're so handsome," she said, staring into his eyes with a mesmerized kind of air. She reached out towards him and he resisted the urge to shirk away as she brushed some of his bangs out of his eyes. "Your hair is nice," she considered with a smile, before ghosting her fingertips down the side of his face. "Your eyes are nice, your face-"
"-is nice," he finished tonelessly as her fingers reached his jaw.
"Bingo!" she giggled. "You win the prize."
"You must be far drunker than I thought if you're attempting to flirt with me."
Botan shook her head petulantly as her hand fell away from him. "This isn't the sake talking. I mean it! Every single word."
"Hn, of course you do," he replied, standing up and reaching a hand out for her.
She didn't hesitate at all, sliding her palm into his without a second thought and allowing him to pull her up. Once on her feet, her knees buckled and she clutched the front of his shirt in an attempt to regain her balance.
"Where's your room?" he asked.
She seemed to snap out of her drunken stupor, blue brows rising in indignation.
"Excuse me?"
"-Don't be a pervert, woman. I only mean to escort you back, nothing else."
"I knew that!" she recovered, although he could tell it was a boldfaced lie. "Anyway, it's on the east side of the temple."
It was clear she couldn't stand on her own, much less make it all the way back to her room alone. There was really only one option at this point, so he looped one arm around her waist and the other underneath her bended knees and hoisted her up. Botan gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck for purchase, wide eyes staring at him unblinkingly. This close, he could almost count each and every one of her dark lashes. He could see the strands of purple and pink that colored her eyes. And he could even count her racing heartbeats as they pounded against her chest.
The woman's face turned impossibly redder. He couldn't tell if it was the new position or the alcohol.
"Um... what are you-"
"I'd rather not explain to Koenma how you drank yourself right over the edge of the roof," he defended. "You're still cognizant enough to direct me, aren't you?"
She nodded mutely.
"Good," he grunted, turning to face east.
Botan twisted back to look over his shoulder.
"But what about the mess?" she said. "We can't just leave it here."
"You can worry about that tomorrow," he decided. "Hold on."
Without further ado, the fire-demon jumped down from the roof and towards the winding yellow road. Botan yelped and buried her face in his chest, arms tightening around his neck as she clung to him for dear life. When he landed on solid ground, he hesitated. It would probably be best to temper himself - he didn't need the ferry-girl throwing up on him - so he took off at a pace that was comfortable for both of them.
By the time he found the women's quarters, she was well on her way to falling asleep. Her arms were loosely draped around him and he had to tighten his grip on her just so she wouldn't fall off. A few ferry-girls gave them varying looks of surprise and confusion, but he ignored them.
"We're here," he said, his voice pulling her back to consciousness. "Which one is yours?"
"First door to the left," she mumbled, pointing to the pastel pink door.
He pushed the slightly ajar door wide open with his foot and deposited her on the bed. The lights were off, but even in the darkness he could see how colorful and adorned the room was.
"Thank you," she said quietly, eyes fighting back sleep as she blinked.
He grunted low in the back of his throat and made to leave, but she grabbed his forearm.
"There's something— something more I should tell you. The reason why I asked you out to lunch."
"Don't bother."
Botan's expression fell in disappointment, but he wasn't budging. He knew what it was like to spill his innermost thoughts without any semblance of filter. Whatever it was - she could wait until she was sober.
"You can tell me when you're in full control of yourself," he said. "I'll listen then."
"Okay," she agreed, releasing him. She let out a sigh of contentment as she lowered herself onto the bedspread and nestled into the abundance of pillows. Just before she drifted off, she muttered, "I'll come see you tomorrow. And I'll tell you everything then."
.
.
.
Hiei was in the middle of overseeing the new recruits when it happened.
He felt Botan's energy, like a bolt of lightning. It was just a blip in the distance, but its familiarity was unmistakable. He told the recruits to continue going through their forms, and then took off in the direction that the energy emanated from. His frowned deepened with each step he took; the woman couldn't possibly be here. Mukuro wasn't due to host another meeting for months.
He must have been going crazy; mad with want. His longing increased tenfold ever since he started lingering around her. He even started seeing her in his dreams. He scowled. He must have been foolishly conjuring her in his waking moments, too.
"Please, I'll be quick! In and out before you know it."
Hiei's brow creased into a frown as he drew closer towards the front gates.
"We have no business with the Spirit World. Now leave."
"But I-"
"I won't ask twice."
"H-hey!"
Hiei pushed the gates open and found Botan cornered by the two hulking gatekeepers.
"Release her," Hiei ordered. His glare pierced the guard who held her arm in a vice grip. "Now."
The demon did as he was told, taking a step back to avoid the bloodlust in Hiei's gaze. The ferry-girl, however, was oblivious to it all.
"Hiei!" Botan's expression brightened as she crossed over to him. "Just the man I was looking for!"
He ignored the strange feeling in his chest and tore his gaze away. The gatekeepers were staring at the both of them questioningly, but Hiei didn't much feel like having an audience.
"Follow me."
Botan was silent as she trailed after him, but even so she still stuck out like a sore thumb. Her spirit energy was like a beacon in the demon world, just as bright and eye-catching as her appearance. It wouldn't do them any well to garner more attention, so he led her to the one place where no one but the staff or Haru ever ventured to.
"Oh," she gasped. "I had no idea Mukuro kept a garden on the grounds!"
"She doesn't. The maid staff insisted."
"It's absolutely gorgeous."
He cast an uninterested eye on the lush grass and blooming flowers. They didn't mean much to him, but the ferry-girl was quickly enthralled by even the simplest of things.
"I didn't bring you here for the scenery, woman," he said, a little irritated that she would journey this deep into Makai on a whim. "What are you doing here?"
"I told you I would come see you, didn't I?"
"I thought you were just rambling."
She shook her head, gaze downcast as she wrung her hands.
"No, I meant it. I really did have to tell you something important. I thought a little liquid courage would help, but we all know how that turned out."
"Whatever it is, you can say it now," he encouraged. "I'm listening."
That seemed to soften the line of her shoulders and put her in more of an assured state. She brought her gaze to meet his directly, amethyst eyes brimming with the need to know.
"Do you like me Hiei?"
He frowned uncomfortably, shifting his gaze away.
"You already know the answer to that."
"Then why aren't you doing anything about it?"
"What?"
"Am I not worth that much?"
"I-"
"Is it too degrading for you to be seen with a ferry-girl?"
"Woman, listen to yourself-"
"No, maybe you should listen for a change, mister. I'm saying that I like you, too! How much more obvious could I make it?"
Hiei blinked numbly as their last few interactions returned to him with a startling clarity.
The times she lingered around him. The odd way she'd taken to staring at him. All those private smiles and half confessions.
They all made sense now.
Hiei released the breath he was holding. He really was an oblivious fool.
And she was far too complicated.
"I told you before: I don't do well with your roundabout methods," he reminded her, the faint hint of a smirk edging his lips upwards. "If you wanted me to make a move, you should have just said so."
Botan gave him an exasperated smile. "I've been trying to, silly."
"Then tell me," he said. "Tell me exactly what you want from me."
"It's a little unfair, Hiei," she countered, lips drawing into a pout. "You were the one who liked me first. Shouldn't you be the one making the grand confession?"
He supposed he could grant her that much, considering all the trouble she went through.
"I never intended to confess," he admitted, eyes falling away from hers. "I was perfectly fine with burying this attraction for as long as it existed. We're far too different. Both so unlike." He lifted his gaze to hers once more. "But you refused to let me. You made me see you. You made me want you. And now I don't want to do without you."
"I want to be with you, too, Hiei - in whatever capacity you feel most comfortable with," she replied. "It might seem sudden, but I'd like to see where this thing between us can go."
There was only sincerity in her eyes. Nothing but a genuine, honest lure to her words. Hiei felt foolish for not seeing the truth that was plainly laid out before him. Perhaps if he wasn't neck deep and repression and witlessness, he would have caught on sooner.
Botan took a step closer, pulling him from his thoughts.
"So, where do you want this to go?" she asked softly.
He never cared for most emotional attachments or bonds. He didn't think them necessary or useful. But a part of him was willing to try. And the uncharacteristic desire that persisted over the years pushed him to answer.
"I know nothing about courting or relationships, but I'm willing to try," he offered. "With you."
Botan smiled, eyes alight and warm with affection.
"It's alright, we can learn together."
He nodded. It didn't seem so bad when she put it like that.
Botan held her hand out towards him, much like he did last night. This was the point of no return and he found himself oddly okay with that. The ferry-girl knew him better than most. She knew exactly what she was getting with him and she still wanted to cross the distance between them. There was nothing else that needed to be said or done. This was what he wanted, too. Hiei took the dive, closing his hand around hers and sealing their fate. Her skin was soft and smooth against his calloused palm, slender fingers interlocking with his as the two moved forward with no particular destination in mind.
Hiei didn't know what he was getting himself into, but he had a feeling this wouldn't be one of those things he came to regret.
Especially not when the one he always wanted was finally within reach.
The End
I hope you all enjoyed the the conclusion to this little tale.
And thank you, as always, for the continued support and encouragement! You guys are the reason why I continue to write! :)