Songs are annoying to make work in text form.
I seriously tried making a Witch Doctor parody for half an afternoon.
Time well spent.
Tharja
C Rank
Anna: Set right up people! These are the best prices in town!
Villager: I'll take two pots!
Ruffian: Five shields for me!
Child: Bucket of candy!
Fisher: All the bait you've got!
Soldier: Twenty shields!
Anna: Ooh! I'm going to be swimming in money by the end of the day!
Anna: There you go. Come again!
Child: Thank you ma'am!
Anna: Hehehe! That was almost too easy.
Time to close up!
Back door, front door, can't forget the windows… well that's all of it.
Tharja: Hm. Interesting.
Anna: AH!
Tharja, how'd you get in here?
Tharja: I've been standing in that corner since you opened.
Anna: Y-you have? W-well how rude of me to have not noticed, can I get you anything before you leave?
Tharja: Do I detect a hint of fear in your voice?
Anna: Me? Never-
I have nightmares where you turn my money into toads!
Tharja: Interesting idea…
Anna: Wait. I didn't mean to say that. Did you curse me?
Tharja: You tell me.
Anna: What gives you the- Mph? Hmph? Mrph!?
Tharja: Hehehe. Having trouble there?
Anna: Mmph! Mrh!
Tharja: Fine. I'll remove the curse… for fifty silver pieces.
Anna: HM!?
Tharja: It's non-negotiable, so don't even try.
I'd make a decision now, because you're about to start losing oxygen.
Anna: Mhm!
Tharja: I'll take that as an agreement.
Anna: *gasp* Why did you do that!?
Tharja: *shrug*
Anna: Don't you shrug at me! You're the one-
Tharja: Ugh. Shut up.
Anna: No you- Mph! MMR!?
Tharja: Goodbye. Have fun suffocating.
Anna: MRPHR!
B Rank
Tharja: Would you stop groveling?
Anna: How about you stop cursing me? First you make me nearly suffocate, then you blinded me, and now you've turned me into a pig!
Tharja: Did I? You look the same to me.
Anna: Please just turn me back!
Tharja: Hehehe. But you're so cute down there on four little hooves.
Anna: THARJA!
Tharja: Fine.
Anna: Ah! Finally back to ten fingers and ten toes.
Tharja: Not quite…
Anna: AAAH! Why are my feet still hooves!?
Tharja: Because I wanted to see that look on your face…
Anna: I hate you.
Tharja: That's not very nice…
Anna: And turning my feet into hooves is?
Tharja: Hey. I also let you keep the curly tail.
Anna: What?- Tharja!
Tharja: Hehehe!
A Rank
Anna: Okay. Everything's locked up. Windows, doors, cellar, even the cabinets. There's no way she could get in here.
Oh. Wait.
That means I'm trapped in here too…
…
Where did I put the key again?
Tharja: Hello Anna.
Anna: …Eep.
Tharja: I see you tried locking me out.
Anna: M-me? Lock you ou-
Tharja: Lie to me and I'll turn you into a newt.
Anna: I'MSORRYPLEASEDON'TCURSEMEAGAIN!
Tharja: Oh stop overreacting. I was joking.
…Kind of.
Anna: How did you even get in here?
Tharja: That's for me to know and you to lose sleep over.
Anna: Urgh…
Tharja: Hehehe.
I just wanted to come by and let you know that I won't be needing you for experiments anymore.
Anna: Oh, thank Naga!
Why did you choose me anyway?
Tharja: Hm? Oh. I was making this.
Anna: …A necklace? You tormented me for weeks because of a necklace.
Tharja: Yes.
Anna: …
Tharja: Oh, put down the sword before you make a fool of yourself.
Also, put the necklace on.
Anna: No! I'm not putting on anything you make-
Tharja: Do it or I'll turn you back into a pig.
Anna: …
…
Fine…
Tharja: There you go. The rubies go well with your eyes.
Anna: Yeah. I guess they do…
So, how long until I catch on fire?
Tharja: You won't, idiot. It's a charm to protect against curses.
Anna: …Witch say what?
Tharja: I wouldn't want my ingredient supplier getting cursed by a rival.
Also, I somewhat like you… to an extent.
Anna: I… don't know what to say…
Are… we friends now?
Tharja: Maybe. I don't know.
The charm only works against other dark mages though, so you'd better hope we are.
Anna: Hahaha…haha…ha… Was that a joke?
Tharja: Wouldn't you like to know.
Anna would never find that key
Tharja and Anna would go on to play cards in the shop for the rest of eternity
Robin sighed in relief every night from then on
Next up: Cordelia