Well hey there sir or madam
I am definitely a real person writing this
Or am I
Maybe I'm a robot
That'd make me far more interesting
Frederick
C Rank:
Frederick: Five hundred! Congratulations, you are half way done.
Soldier: G-gods…
Archer: H-he isn't human!
Mage: Someone, just kill me…
Frederick: Continue complaining and I'll have you run another twelve miles.
Mage: I reiterate my request.
Frederick: Wait a moment…
Where's Anna?
Soldier: Beats me.
Archer: Oh, she's running her stall.
Frederick: … And you didn't think to tell me?
Archer: Well, she paid me not to.
Frederick: …
Archer: …
I'll start running…
Frederick: Good man. Now, the rest of you join him while I go round up the merchant.
Mage: Barf.
Frederick: That's another twenty miles.
Mage: Ragh!
Frederick: There she is.
Anna-
Anna: Welcome one, welcome all to Anna's Emporium of Royal Wonders!
We have artifacts and knickknacks straight from the royal vault!
Frederick: …What fresh hell is this?
Anna: Why yesiree, that IS King Marth's chamber pot!
And this is Queen Caeda's favorite brush!
Good eye, sir. That really is the sword that belonged to the Exalt's father!
Frederick: ANNA!
Anna: Huh-
OH GODS!
OUT IF MY- URK!
Frederick: You aren't getting away that easily. Everyone else, CLEAR OUT!
Peasant: O-of course Sir Knight!
Anna: I think you bruised my bones…
And my… everything else.
Frederick: I am overcome with regret, I assure you.
Anna: Sarcastic… Ow…
Frederick: How did you even get a hold of all of these? Only the royal family has excess to the vault.
Anna: Th-they aren't real…
Frederick: Hm, so they are. So you're not a thief, just a charlatan.
Anna: I prefer semi-honest trader of suspicious items… Ow…
Frederick: Stop pretending. I barely even glanced you.
Anna: That's what you call a glance!?
Frederick: Obviously.
Anna: It feels like a bull hit me in the stomach…
…Ow…
Frederick: You have my endless pity, madame.
Anna: I hate you...
Frederick: I am aware.
Do this again and I'll turn you over to the guards for selling illegal products.
Anna: They aren't even real! They're forgeries!
Frederick: And poor ones at that. My threat still stands.
Anna: Jerk…
B Rank
Anna: Stupid Frederick with his stupid face and his stupid armor.
Who does he think he is, punching me in the gut and telling me I can't sell my masterfully crafted fakes.
Jerk, just a stupid, big, dumb armored jerk!
I should march right over there right now and give him a piece of my-
Frederick: Anna!
Anna: Eep! Please don't hit me again! I didn't mean any of it I'd never-
Frederick: What in the name of Naga are you talking about?
Anna: Uh… nothing? Yeah. Nothing.
Did you need something?
Frederick: Yes, actually. Now would you kindly get out from behind that barrel?
Anna: Sorry. Force of habit, this barrel has saved me more time than I can count.
Frederick: I'm sure there's some appropriately ridiculous story behind that barrel, but I need your talents.
Anna: Oh, no. I couldn't possibly do that. Wouldn't want people thinking you associate with charaltans.
Frederick: I assure you, my shame will be immeasurable. But if you do this for me I promise to look the other way concerning your swindling antics for a time.
Anna: Pff, yeah right.
Frederick: I am completely serious. Can you make a replica of this for me?
Anna: Uh… why do you want me to copy a broken amulet?
Frederick: It's a pendant, I need a copy of it intact and that's none of your concern. Can you do it or not?
Anna: First off, everything is my concern, I'm nosey like that. Also, I probably can, but it isn't going to be quick or cheap.
Frederick: I don't need it fixed immediately, I doubt I'll actually need it any time soon infact.
And just for this once, don't be nosey.
Anna: Fine, fine… So, uh, did you want an exact copy or is something that's close enough fine?
Frederick: Exact, if you would be so kind.
Anna: That's gonna be somewhere around 400 gold then.
Frederick: Wha-!? That's absurd!
Anna: It's a discount is what it is. You see that sapphire in the center of the crest? Easily 200 gold alone. The silver needed to make the rest and the time it'll take is going to be somewhere around that too.
Frederick: Nng… Very well.
Start making a copy and I will see about collecting the gold for it.
Anna: Sure thing. Just bring the money when I'm done with it.
Frederick: As you wish. Goodbye.
Anna: …
So, all I have to do is recreate the whole version of a broken pendant and he's off my back for a while.
This is a little too easy.
What's a big strong guy like him need with little silver pendant like you anyway?
Hm? What's this engraved on the back?
"By the strength of my blade, by my oath to Ylisse, I offer this token."
Looks like there's supposed to be more beneath it… Huh…
Welp! Time to be nosey.
A Rank:
Anna: Come oooon… Finally!
Frederick: I presume that, that had something to so with my pendant?
Anna: Huh? Oh, hi Frederick.
And yeah, I just finished it up.
Frederick: Good. Now, would you like to explain why you've been asking around camp about me lately?
Anna: Oh, you know, just being nosey.
Frederick: …
Anna: Oh, stow the glare, Sir Gloomsalot. I was just curious why this was so important to you.
Frederick: It is none of your concern.
Anna: Yeah, but when has that ever kept me out of other people's business?
Frederick: Never, apparently.
Anna: So, who's the lucky lady?
Frederick: There isn't one.
Anna: Really? Because a little birdy told me that your family makes pendants like these to propose.
Frederick: Lissa…
*sigh* It's true, but… I truly don't have anyone I plan on giving it to.
Anna: Uh, then why did you need it fixed?
Frederick: …It was a gift from my mother.
Anna: Wait, what? Why?
Frederick: She… believes I take my commitment to Lord Chrom too seriously and that I'll never meet anyone.
Anna: Seems pretty accurate to me.
Frederick: I didn't ask for your comments on my personal life, Charlatan.
Anna: *giggle* I hit a neeerve!
Frederick: Anyway. She gave it to me some time ago and forgot about it until I noticed that it had somehow been broken in my rucksack.
Anna: How'd that happen? Sit on it with your big shiny armor?
Frederick: I haven't the faintest idea how it happened.
Now, I assume your curiosity is sated. Here is the 400 gold, I will be taking the new pendant.
Anna: Urm… About that.
Frederick: Hm?
Anna: The price is actually 800 gold.
Frederick: Don't play games with me Anna!
Anna: I'm sorry! Silver's gone up in price lately and finding that kind of sapphire with a war going on is about as easy as finding a Plegian who isn't a murderer.
Frederick: Gods damn it all… I don't have that much money.
Anna: What? You aren't just going to take it from me?
Frederick: I am a knight of Ylisse! Our word is our worth, and I gave my word that I would pay you for the pendant.
Unfortunately, 400 gold is all I'm going to be able to afford for months.
Anna: Oh…
Wait, why didn't you just ask your mom to make you another one?
Frederick: Because each one is supposed to be unique and the matriarch is only allowed to make one for each make of the house. If anything happens to the original it's up to the individual to repair or replace it.
Anna: Well, that's just wonderful. How am I supposed to get paid now?
Frederick: Hm…
Just sell it to someone else. I won't need it anyway.
Anna: What!? All that trouble and suddenly you don't want it?
Frederick: As I said earlier, this was all my mother's idea anyway. While I respect the sentiment behind it, I could never find the time to pursue someone romantically.
Anna: Oh, for the love of- if you love Chrom that much why don't you just marry him?
Frederick: It's not a matter of love, Anna. It's a matter of dedication to my lord and the realm, so that both are left more prosperous when I am gone.
Not that I expect someone who's only motivation is coin to understand.
Anna: Hey! I'll have you know that I'm very dedicated-
Frederick: To swindling and lying to already pennyless peasants. I am aware.
Anna: I-I don't swindle… okay, maybe I do a little bit, but I how else am I supposed to make a profit?
Frederick: And what good is profit if it only benefits your life, and the life of noone else?
Anna: Well, it… I mean…
Uh…
Frederick: Think of my singlemindedness as you will, I am not blind to my own obsession, but at least I will leave a legacy enjoyed by those who come after me.
Maybe think beyond your coin pouch sometime, charlatan, and perhaps you'll realize there is more to this life than personal gain.
Anna: I-I…
Frederick: Best of luck finding some poor fool to pawn the pendant off to.
Anna: Wait! Frederick!
OOOOH… GET BACK HERE YOU JERK!
Where does he get off, saying all of that… stuff…
I mean, it's not like he had a point or anything. All the money I make is going towards… uh…
…A seaside house? Yeah! And, uh, a new cart, and… and…
My bank account?
Eh…
A seaside house, cart and bank account that won't mean much when I'm gone…
Huh. Maybe I could stand to be a little more selfless… just a little bit though… Only on sundays though.
S Rank:
Frederick: Pick up your feet men! I want thirty laps by the time Lord Chrom arrives!
Mage: *huff* I *puff* Hate *huff* You!
Soldier: Stop complaining and get moving!
Archer: Since when'd you get so into this?
Soldier: Since I realized he goes easier on us when we don't complain.
Frederick: You can chat at a tea party! Move! Move! Move-
???: RAAAAGH!
Frederick: Hu- Ah!
Which of you threw this… pendant…
???: Frederick!
Frederick: Oh, what fresh hell…
Anna: I'mmm… I'ma gon'… gonna beat you!
Frederick: Why, good morning to you as well, Anna. Good of you to finally join-
Anna: Ssssshhhaddup!
Soldier: Is she drunk?
Mage: Wish I was.
Anna: You... youuuuuu!
Frederick: Yes, I am indeed myself.
Anna: Do you know… *hic* How much money you've cost me?
Frederick: What are you blathering on about now?
Anna; You and yoouur… Your shtupid speech about doing things for other people, and legacy, and looking beyond my coin purse and yadayydayoda…
Did I mention I hate you already?
Frederick: Uh… yes. I believe so.
Anna: Good.
Anyway, your shtupid speech won't leave my head! Everysingle time I look at my profits report it plays over, and ooover, and OOOOOOOOVER!
Archer: Someone's got a guilty conscious.
Anna: Say one more word, bow boy, and I'll shove this bottle down your throat.
Archer: Eep!
Anna: So, whadoido? I have a coupon day, then a fifty percent off sale, then a buy one get two free special.
Problem? Shtupid speech keeps playing in my head, so I donate to a local farm, then to an orphanage, then I cater a town meeting free of charge, because these people can barely afford bread and water. Aaaaaaand of course they're all, 'Oh, you're such a nice person.' 'How selfless of you.' 'You're such a kind soul.'
I. Will be. In the red. FOR MONTHS! M.O.N.T.H.S.!
And the worst thing about it? I'm totally okay with it! I feel fullfilled!
Frederick: That's actually very adirable of you… Your welcome?
Anna: I hate you.
Frederick: I-
Anna: Hate, hate, hate! HATE! HATE YOU!
It wouldn't have been so bad, if it wasn't for the stupid pendant. Yoooooooouuuuuu liar!
Frederick: Excuse me?
Anna: Don't 'excuse me' me! Some moron came by and wanted to buy it because he thought it looked purdy. Stupid me couldn't do that, so instead I wrote your mother, figured maybe she'd think of some way to get it back to you without me having to do it in person.
And what did I find out?
Frederick: That she didn't make the original for me?
Anna: Eeeeexactly! You made it yourself a few months ago with her help after you told her you'd been thinking about doing something for yourself for once.
Then you accidentally broke the stupid thing, and as soon as there was a problem getting the replica back, you just gave up!
Frederick: I don't deny that. What does it matter to you though?
Anna: It matters because you're an idiot! You had one chance to do something for yourself and you just didn't!
Frederick: Yes because I cannot give any woman the attention required for coourtship with my duties. The realm-
Anna: -comes before my own self interests! Oh, look at me, I'm a suit of armor with a head popping out the top!
Could you, for just one instant, do something selfish for once?
Frederick: And why would I do that?
Anna: Because it makes being selfless so much better! And hey, it gives you something to enjoy when there's nothing to be generous about!
Frederick: Hm…
Anna: And who needs courtship? You're a knight! Your name's known across the land, you're the left hand of the royal house, and you're handsome! Any woman would jump at the chance! Just take a chance and give her the stupid pendant!
Frederick: …
Okay.
Here.
Anna: …I feel like you weren't listening to that entire rant. GIVE. IT. TO SOMEONE. YOU. WANT. TO. MARR- …Waaaaaaaaait!
Frederick: I'm doing exactly what you suggested. Take it.
Anna: Wha-? No, no, no! You can't marry me!
Frederick: Why not?
Anna: 'Charlatan' ring any bells? How about 'Swindling and lying to pennyless peasants'?
Frederick: They do, but from everything you just told me, you seem to have improved. Now, do you accept?
Anna: I… you…we…
Suuuuuuuuuure.
Frederick: Then it's settled. I'll talk to a priest about arranging a ceremony.
Anna: You do that.
I'm… I'm going to go lay down.
Frederick: Do get better darling.
Anna: Shuddap you big oaf…
Mage: What the hell just happened!?
Archer: We just saw the beginning of a storybook romance.
Soldier: Uh… congratulations?
Frederick: Thank you. Now, back to drills!
Mage: Wait. Seriously, what just happened?
Frederick: Are you trying to slack off soldier?
Mage: N-no! I just-
Frederick: Then get moving! Move like the fate of the country is on the line!
Soldier: Yessir!
Mage: This army is just bizzare.
Tales of my death are greatly exaggerated.
I just spent several months writing and re-writing this stupid support log.
Say'ri and Olivia are the only two remaining for the first gen chars, so hopefully those will go faster.
And I definitely am doing second gen. Morgan and Lucina will be a while though due to the variations needed for each.
Say'ri up next.