After that conversation, things changed without really changing. They still talk and have banters but the lingering silences make her uncomfortable, make her hastily walk away. However, the major change is Jake. Steve hardly sees him around anymore — he usually waits for her or drops her off down the path behind the trees. He thinks that is her thoughtful attempt not to shove her relationship in his face now that she knows his feelings are more than just friendly.
"I think I made a mistake," he tells Eliza as she watering the plants in the patio. Somehow, he feels like confiding in. "With Kat."
She puts the watering can down on the table and turns to him.
"She knows there was more than friendship between us," he explains. "And now I fear I might have scared her away for good."
"If you suspected that could push her away indeed then why tell her?" Eliza says.
"Because she asked." He rubs his temple. "I can't not be truthful with her. I can't. We're honest with each other."
"When you say we, do you mean you and Katherine or you and Natasha?"
He eyes her closely. "Are you saying I shouldn't always tell Katherine the truth because she and Natasha are different people?"
"Are they?"
He bites his bottom lip. "I don't know. I mean, I sometimes see Natasha in her — not because I'm projecting hopes or expectations — but I catch a glimpse of her." He often finds her in a smirk, in her incisive humor; and sometimes he sees her flash through her eyes, like a familiar twinkle in the back of her green eyes, and for the split of a second, he feels he has gotten her back. "Katherine or Natasha, it doesn't matter, it's still her."
Eliza nods, — to his surprise— satisfied with his answer. "What I'm saying is that you had reached a place with Natasha where you could be completely honest with her. Give Katherine time to reach that place, as well."
"And what if I told her the other night pushed her away for good?" he asks.
"It didn't. It might have taken her aback for a different reason. A reason she has yet to come to terms with."
He frowns. "What reason?"
Eliza smiles and pats his shoulder. "She'll come around, Steve."
"I think I screwed up," Katherine sighs as she drops heavily on the couch next to Eliza. She lays her back and looks at the ceiling without saying another word. She then slowly tilts her head to look at her. She gathers her words carefully.
"Steve has feelings for me," she finally says.
"I am flabbergasted," the woman answers coolly. "Are you sure you heard it right?"
Katherine rolls her eyes. "The last thing I need right now is your sarcasm."
"I mean, dear, that man left New York to live in a godforsaken hole in the middle of Louisiana — what more proof did you need?"
"I don't want things to get awkward between us now that I know."
"Did he make a move on you?" Eliza asks.
Natasha softly bites her thumb. The shadow of a smile tugs at her lips. "No. He was a true gentleman about it."
"Then why should things get awkward?"
"Because I know? I mean clearly, he will always have expectations that I can't fulfill."
Eliza furrows her eyebrows. "Why not?"
Katherine stares with large eyes then bursts into nervous laughter. "Because I am with Jake! Because Steve has feelings for the woman I was before — and I am no longer that person — and because there's Jake."
Eliza raises her hands in the air. "Fine, fine, you cannot commit. But again, why should things get awkward between you? You said Steve hasn't tried to make any move —and it looks like he does not intend to — and you said…you have Jake, so it seems everybody knows where they should stand. So, it seems the awkwardness comes from you and you only. Therefore, the real question is: why do you feel that way?"
She eyes him a short moment then shakes her head. "I am not making anything awkward. Steve possibly being awkward about this makes we awkward."
"Why does whatever he might feel matter so much to you?"
Katherine frowns, mouth slightly agape. "It doesn't", she eventually retorts defensively.
"Oh, so you don't care about Steve at all?"
"No. Ye-Yes! Of course I care about him."
Eliza probes her silently with a triumphant look. Katherine jumps on her feet.
"You did not help at all, Liz!"
"Oh, quite the contrary actually."
Katherine throws her a dubious look then walks off.
In the early hours of the morning, Steve's phone vibrates on the bedside table. He pulls his head from under the pillow and answers it.
"Yes, Sam?" he says groggily.
His friend's voice is apologetic but stern. "I'm sorry Steve, but we need you on this one."
He sits up, fully awake.
"The jet will be there in 30," Sam continues.
Katherine comes out of her bedroom to go and prepare breakfast. She heads toward the stairway but stops, before turning around and throwing a glimpse at Steve's bedroom door down the hall. She turns back again toward the stairs then flips again. She takes a deep breath, musters some courage and walks up to his door.
She knocks softly. No response.
She knocks again. Still nothing.
She leans her head in to catch any noise that might suggest he is awake. No sound at all.
She reaches for the knob and turns it. Just in case, she turns her head in the opposite direction.
"Steve, can I come in? I hope you're decent."
To her surprise, she finds the bed made.
She goes downstairs on the porch and takes a look around. His tools are still lying in the same place he left them the evening before.
The house is suddenly too silent for her liking. She roams around the rooms downstairs but it soon becomes obvious he is not here. Riley comes in, alone, further confirming he has not taken for a walk.
An inexplicable panic takes grip of her and won't let go. Is it possible he left for good? Maybe his patience ran dry (and she couldn't blame him for it). Yet, she wishes he had said goodbye.
Yet she wishes, as selfish as it sounds, he had stayed.
She rushes back upstairs to his room and opens the closet. His clothes and shoes are still there — a relieving sight. That means he hasn't gone for good, right?
Her hand trails along the edge of his bed and she notices a piece of paper lying on the bed, almost made invisible because of the patterns of the quilt.
A few words were hastily scribbled on it.
Gone on a mission. Will return soon. S.
Her fingers stroke the dry ink, as the message brings both relief and concern.
The rest of the morning went quite smoothly, but somehow the silence lingering about seemed to bear the mark of a noticeable absence. With Steve being away, the routine has changed quite significantly. She looks at the empty seat across during breakfast; glances at the vacant stool from which he usually watches her when she cooks; her ears seek the sound of housework hammering but find none; she notices how Riley searches for him from room to room. Steve is away and his absence shows everywhere — no corner or being isn't unaffected by it.
She now realizes what place he has filled in the house, and in her life.
The next evening, Katherine and Eliza listen quietly to the radio, Riley lying between them. She is not in a chatty or joyful mood and she appreciates the old woman not making any remark about it. They go to bed early, and Katherine takes Riley as a company.
The dog sleeps at the foot of the mattress while she changes and slips under the sheet. She thinks about Steve, wonders if he is well or hurt. Her bedside light remains on for a couple of more hours.
The next morning, she checks his room, finds the bed untouched and gloomily heads down to the kitchen. Eliza meets her there half an hour later and they have breakfast.
Eliza no longer resists the urge to address the elephant in the room.
"He'll be back," she reassures her in a soft, motherly voice.
"Maybe only for a time," she says. "What if while he's there he realizes how much he's missed his old life."
Eliza smiles. "Impossible. What's not to like about this marsh?"
She laughs then turns stern again. "But what if it's not enough?"
"Then it'll be a matter for another day."
She spent the rest of the morning painting, or at least trying. Her eyes regularly glance over at the spot where he had painted the walls that day they had their first meaningful conversation. She eventually paints the hazy figures of two horses galloping freely through wild nature, unbound and careless.
She hears the remote sound of the front door swinging. She puts the brush down, wipes her hands and rushes to the main room.
Her pace slows down when she recognizes the figure standing by the door.
"Kate, can we talk?"
She nods at Jake and casts a glance at Eliza. She goes out on the porch with Jake. His features are unusually tense.
"I know things have been a little tense between us and I am aware it is my fault. I should have handled things better and be more mindful of your perspective on things instead of taking it all for granted."
She smiles. "Thanks, Jake. I appreciate that."
"I got stupidly jealous and panicked when it seemed you were slipping away which is why I kept asking more from you. I expected you to be fully here with me and give more when I should have simply appreciated what you were already giving."
"You were right, Jake. I was holding back, keeping my distance."
"I'll wait for you, Kate — as long as you need — because I love you. Because you are the only person I include in all my plans for the future."
Hearing the three words coming from him startles her, takes her by surprise.
He nervously looks around him, pulls something out of his pocket.
"I'm still saving money and I promise you will get your own ring when I can afford," he holds up a beautiful ring of traditional and simple design. "This was my mother's."
Her heartbeat increases.
"We don't have to marry just yet. But I want you to know that I am not playing around, that I think of you as my wife and, hopefully, one day, as the mother of my children. I promise I will spend the rest of my life loving you and making you happy."
He raises the ring and clears his throat. "Katherine, will you marry me?"
Steve knock down the last criminal. He stands quietly in the middle of the room, glancing at the unconscious bodies scattered over the floor.
"Last story secure. Over." He says into his comms.
He looks down at the shield tied around his arm. His forearm muscle and his hand are slightly sore as it has been a little while since he last used it.
Back in the compound, he sits alone at the conference table. Bucky joins him.
"Thanks for your help," he says.
"Sure. It's my job," he answers in a slightly dull voice.
Bucky sits next to him. "How did it feel? Going on a mission again."
He rubs the corner of his eyebrow and sighs. "It's like riding a bike I guess — you never truly lose it."
"But the thrill of it has gone, hasn't it?" his best friend asks.
Steve purses his lips together. "Fighting for what is right is all I ever wanted, that will never change."
"And your longing for something different does not jeopardize that. It doesn't mean you've changed, simply that you've grown."
He lowers his head. "After Tony…I owe it to him to continue."
Bucky squeezes his shoulder. "After Tony, you owe it to him to live your best life…whatever that is."
He smiles at his best friend. "You've always been the smart one, you know that?"
James laughs. "That's what I keep telling everyone but they won't listen."
Shortly before leaving, Steve goes to his room to gather more personal belongings to take with him. He fills up a bag and goes to the jet.
They take off and head for Louisiana and a smile is plastered across his lips.
Sometime later, they land in the same isolated grassland where his friends came to pick him up. He hugs Bucky and Sam.
"Say hi to Katherine," they say.
He steps out and watches as the jet hovers again and disappears into the sky again.
He makes his way to Miller's Guesthouse and treads the familiar path with glee. Barking echoes in the distance and Riley comes running, wagging her tail eagerly.
He drops the bag, kneels down and pets her. Meanwhile, the front door swings open and Katherine's figure appears with an expectant expression. She is wearing a white midi dress and her hair is up in a ponytail. Her eyes search for him, and as they find him a beaming smile tugs at her lips.
She comes down the stairs, almost holds him in her arms but holds back, gently pressing her hands on each of his arms instead.
"Are you alright?" she asks with a concerned look. Her eyes run a quick scan up and down his body, looking for injury.
"I'm good," he says. "It's good to be back."
Her eyes dive into his, the sunlight enhancing the green of them.
"Did I miss anything?" he asks jokingly.
Her face turns grave and it worries him.
She threads her fingers through her hair. She then looks at him again, serene and confident.
"I broke up with Jake."