Chapter Twenty-One

As February stretched on, the weather began to shift from snowstorms to blustering winds and alternating sleet and rain. Even if Clary had been able to go outside, she was not sure she would have wanted to. Which, she reflected, was probably a good thing, since she was hardly allowed to scratch her nose, as it was.

She had had to spend a week in the infirmary, with Silent Brothers constantly moving in and out of the room to check on her. Her parents came to stay, both to take care of Clary and to help Jace with anything they could do around the Institute. As soon as the Silent Brothers had pronounced Clary stable enough to move into the bedroom, Maryse had arrived, proclaiming herself Clary's caretaker for the remainder of the pregnancy, much to Jocelyn's indignation and despite Clary and Jace's many protestations. She had set up camp in the room across the hall, but spent most of her time in the bedroom fussing over Clary. Jocelyn, apparently, had seen this as a direct attack on her character as a mother, and she and Maryse began a strange kind of rivalry over Clary's well-being. It was only when Clary, having had her pillow fluffed twenty times in half as many minutes, burst out in anger, that they both subsided and agreed to coexist.

Maryse had also decided that with Clary's workload now being much lighter, this was the perfect time to initiate a sort of baby bootcamp, something which, unfortunately for Clary, Jocelyn was fully on-board with. Clary was suddenly surrounded by diapers, swaddling blankets, and pacifiers, along with such a terrifyingly lifelike baby doll that she was slightly afraid to ask where Maryse had found it. Jace had once walked in on both Maryse and Jocelyn supervising as Clary tried to breastfeed the doll, and had immediately walked back out, announcing that things had gotten way too weird for him. Maryse had responded by dragging him into her room and giving him a three-hour crash course on everything she wished Robert had known about babies, by the end of which Jace looked a little cross-eyed and more than a little freaked out. This, Clary learned, was because Maryse had forced him to read a book with graphic illustrations of the cervix dilating during labor.

"I am so sorry you have to go through that," Jace told Clary, shuddering.

"So am I," moaned Clary, who had already been subjected to the book and was seriously wondering if she could invent a rune to bypass childbirth.

One day, when the workload for the Institute was light, Clary and Jace began to convert the room next to theirs into the baby's nursery—or rather, Jace set up the rocking chair, planted Clary firmly in it, and cleared out the rest of the room with the help of Maryse, Clary's parents, Simon, and Isabelle. After they had painted the walls a soft buttercup yellow, Clary was permitted to be on her feet for ten minutes at a time to paint a design of herons and faerie wings all around the room. Jocelyn had offered to do it, but Clary insisted on doing it herself, wanting her son's room to contain a little part of herself. Meanwhile, Jace, Simon, and Luke struggled to put the crib together.

"I swear this thing is in another language," Simon said, turning the instruction sheet upside down as if this would somehow help him decipher it.

"I can actually read ten languages, and even I have no idea what's going on here," said Jace. He stabbed one of the crib's legs with a screwdriver. "I say we let him sleep on the floor. It's better for his back anyway." Clary shot him a sharp glare. "Okay, okay, we'll get the crib figured out."

At last, the crib was put up against the wall (Clary had tested it thoroughly to ensure it was secure), Maryse's mobile hung on the ceiling, and the rest of the nursery decorated with simple wooden furniture. Clary stood in the doorway with Jace, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"This is where he's going to grow up," he murmured into her ear. "Think of all the memories we're going to make."

Clary tried to smile, but her heart felt as if it were constricting. She detangled herself from Jace, moving slowly into the room and looking around at the decorations. She rested her hands on the crib, staring down into it; Jocelyn had placed Clary's own baby blanket into it. It was soft and worn, the pattern of dancing bunnies on it faded. Clary had been very attached to it, apparently; Jocelyn had regaled them all with tales of Clary's infancy when she would drag it around the apartment, refusing to let it go.

Tears sprang suddenly to Clary's eyes. "This is all wrong," she said, wrenching herself away from the crib. "We have to take it down."

"Take what down?"

"All of it. I don't want it." She reached up to try to detach the mobile from the ceiling, her fingers barely brushing it. The herons tinkled as they knocked against each other.

"Clary," Jace said, coming over and gently pulling her arm back to her side. "It looks beautiful. I promise, he'll love it."

"No, he won't," Clary snapped, tugging her arm out of his grip.

"Clary," he said again, softly.

She turned away from him, blinking furiously. "I don't want to look at any of this," she said in a hard voice. "I want it gone."

"Clary," Jace said.

She whirled on him. "Stop saying my name!"

"Okay," said Jace. "What do you want me to say?"

"Help me take this stuff down."

"Why?"

"Because what if—" She swallowed past the painful lump in her throat, unable to finish the sentence.

Jace's expression softened. He touched the mobile hanging over the crib. "What if he wakes up every morning and looks at this mobile?" he said.

"But—"

Jace cut her off, moving toward the rocking chair. "What if he sits here on your lap, and you read him one of those stupid books Simon and Izzy got us?" He put his hand on the toy chest. "What if he picks out his toys from here, and he leaves them all over the floor, and he refuses to pick them up because, unfortunately, he got both of our stubborn genes?" Clary's lip twitched involuntarily. Jace came over to her, taking her hand in his. "What if he survives?"

"What if he doesn't?" she whispered, finally speaking aloud the words that scared her most. "And what if...what if it's my fault?"

"Why would it be?"

"That day," Clary said, dredging up the words from deep inside her, "I was so angry. I got so worked up, and what if that's why..." She looked away. "The Silent Brothers don't know what caused it. What if it was me?"

"If that's what happened, then I'm as much to blame as you are," said Jace. "I'm the one who made you upset, with that stupid fight. Do you think it's my fault?"

"No," said Clary quietly.

"Then it's not yours either," Jace said. "These things happen, and there's no controlling them. And you said you'd already been having contractions, right?"

"Yeah," Clary admitted.

"So then it couldn't have been that anyway. It could have happened the day before, or the day after. It was just bad timing." He caught a lock of her hair and twisted it around his finger before tucking it behind her ear. "Have faith," he said softly. "He's made it this far. And you and I both know he's too stubborn to give up now."

He smiled down at her, and she managed to return it, letting out the breath she'd been holding.

"Come on," he said. "You've been on your feet long enough. Let's get you back to bed, okay?"

She nodded and let him lead her out of the room.

And so life went on.

Jace massaged his neck, wincing, as he walked down the hallway. He had spent the last three hours bent over a stack of paperwork in the library and was only now beginning to regain feeling in the fingers of his writing hand. He had to admit that Clary did more than her fair share of work around the Institute; he made a mental note to work harder once she was off bed rest.

When he opened the door to their bedroom, he was surprised to find Clary alone in bed, absorbed in something she was sketching. "Where are the grandmothers-to-be?" he asked.

She looked up at him. "Grabbing last-minute diapers and stuff," she said. "I needed some space."

"How last-minute are we talking here?" said Jace, a little nervously.

Clary laughed. "I'm fine," she said. "Baby's not coming anytime soon."

"No contractions today?"

"A few. Nothing painful."

"Bleeding?"

"No more than usual," Clary said. "Again, I'm fine."

He came over to her and perched on the edge of the bed. "What are you working on?"

She flipped the sketchbook over quickly. "Nothing." He raised an eyebrow at her. She bit her lip and handed him the sketchbook reluctantly.

He stared down at the illustration. She had drawn him exactly as he remembered: scarlet skin, blood-red eyes, a chilling leer. A tiny figure, colored in inky black and bright gold, was crumpled at his feet.

"Clary," he said softly.

She took the sketchbook back and closed it. "I just can't shake this feeling," she said.

"What feeling?"

She stared down at her hands. "That he's not really gone. That he's going to come back."

"You know he isn't," Jace said. "Magnus told us so. It's not possible."

"We didn't think killing him was possible either," said Clary. "We don't know for sure."

"I know there's no point in worrying about it," Jace said, rubbing her hand. "We can't live in fear our whole lives, Clary. Even if he comes back—which he won't—we'll get through it. Just like we did before. Okay?"

She nodded, still not quite meeting his gaze. Jace sighed and glanced out the window; it was an unusually sunny day for March, warm enough that the snow actually seemed to be melting on the side of the road.

"Wish I could be out there," Clary said wistfully, following his gaze.

"Who says you can't?" said Jace, with a sudden inspiration. "Let's go to Central Park. Have a picnic, watch the sunset..."

"Uh," Clary said, "not to actively work against my own interests here, but I think the Silent Brothers were pretty explicit that I'm not supposed to be moving around."

"You can lie down at the park," Jace said. "And the fresh air will be good for you. So what do you say? We can bring everyone along, too."

Clary smiled; it was the first genuine smile he'd seen on her in a while, and it lit up the room more than the sunlight streaming through the window. "Yeah," she said. "That sounds amazing."

He kissed her forehead. "Get dressed. I'll call everyone up."

"Okay, sandwiches—check. Fruit—check. Carrots and mustard—"

"Sorry, what?" Simon interrupted.

Jace shook his head. "I've learned not to argue with the pregnant woman," he said darkly. "Carrots and mustard—check."

"Wine, check?" Isabelle said hopefully. Jace frowned at her. "We're not all pregnant!" she said defensively.

"No wine," Jace said. Isabelle rolled her eyes and flopped back into her chair.

The three of them were sitting in the library, waiting on Alec and Clary; Magnus was staying with the kids, but he had told them to have fun. Jace shut the picnic basket and checked his watch. "Where is he?" he said.

Not a moment later, Alec walked in, dressed in gear and with a weapons belt strapped securely to his waist. "I'm here, I'm here," he said. "Sorry, it took me a while to get ready."

"I can see why," Jace said, looking him up and down. "You know this is a picnic, not a mission, right?"

Alec crossed his arms. "Jace, demons have been coming after you every chance they get. I'm not taking any chances, and I don't think you should either."

"Careful," said a voice from the doorway. "I think Jace's paranoia is rubbing off on you."

They all looked up. Clary stood there, regarding Alec with an amused expression. She was wearing an emerald green dress, cinched in under her breasts to accentuate her belly. Jace suspected she had chosen the dress very deliberately, knowing how much he liked her in green. It set off the sparkle in her eyes, contrasted the richness of her red hair, brought rosy color to her light skin.

"Oh, hi, Clary," Alec said. "You look very—um—"

"Walrus-like," Clary supplied, lowering herself into an armchair.

Alec turned red. "That's not what I was going to say!"

"Well, it's accurate," said Clary dryly. Jace chuckled.

"You're a very attractive walrus," he said, winking at her.

"Well, anyway," Alec said awkwardly, still pink around the ears. "You can call it paranoia if you want, but I still think it's a good idea to be prepared. We could be attacked at any moment."

"Way to bring the mood down," said Isabelle. Clary smiled, but it looked a little forced to Jace.

"We don't need any weapons," he said, fixing Alec with a pointed stare, "because nothing's going to happen. So we don't need to be worrying my very pregnant wife who's supposed to be relaxing and not stressing herself out, right?"

"Uh, right," Alec said, blinking in alarm.

"No, Alec has a point," Clary said. She glanced at Jace. "Never hurts to be armed, right?" she said with a wry smile.

"My thoughts exactly," said Alec, looking satisfied.

"Besides, if a demon tries to sabotage our picnic, I'll need a weapon to gut it myself," said Clary firmly. "This is my first time out in a month, and I'll be damned if it gets ruined because of—ouch!"

She nearly leapt out of her chair. One hand flew to her belly, the other wrapping tightly around the arm of the chair, nails digging in.

"What?" said Jace frantically. He was halfway across the room before he had even thought about moving. "What is it?" he said. "A contraction? Are you—"

"No, I'm fine," she said breathlessly, rubbing her belly. "He just—he punched my cervix!"

"Your what?" said Alec, looking slightly disturbed.

Clary waved a hand impatiently, grimacing. "I don't know how to explain it, but I imagine it's like getting kicked in the balls," she said. The men simultaneously winced.

"Wow, he never gives you a break, does he?" said Jace, half amused and half relieved.

"I wonder where he gets it," said Clary dryly, shifting uncomfortably. "Ow, he really got me good."

"Are you sure it's not—"

"Jace," Clary said patiently, "it's not a contraction. And if we want to catch the sunset, we should probably get going."

Everyone made a noise of agreement and started to get up. Clary reached out to Jace, and he pulled her out of her chair. "I always get stuck in that one," she said ruefully. "But it's so comfy..."

Jace laughed as she began to waddle out of the room. "Nice walk," he teased her. "Very sexy."

She poked his shoulder. "First of all, I've been in bed for a month," she said sternly. "Second, the baby is literally in my pelvis, how am I supposed to walk?"

Jace raised his hands in surrender as they caught up with the others. Simon and Isabelle were both stocking weapons belts with swords, seraph blades, and daggers. Isabelle passed Jace a belt. "You want anything?" she asked Clary, holding up a fourth belt.

"I don't think I can do much fighting," she said, pointing at her huge belly. "But bring an extra seraph blade for me, I meant what I said about gutting that demon."

Jace chuckled, sliding a sword into his belt. "Nine months pregnant and still ready to decimate some demons," he said, kissing her cheek. "Has anyone ever told you how badass you are?"

"Once or twice," said Clary, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Portal or subway?" Alec asked, opening the doors.

"Cab," Jace said. "Clary can't Portal or walk to the subway."

"Well, I can," Clary interjected irritably, "I'm just not allowed to."

"Just for a little longer," Jace said, smiling. He held the door open as everyone filed out ahead of them. "Coming?"

"Yeah," she said. She started forward, then paused, wincing slightly as she put her hand to her belly.

"What?" said Jace. "Did he punch you again?"

"Mm. Yeah," said Clary, rubbing her belly. "I'm fine."

"Clary," said Jace warningly, but she shook her head, smiling at him.

"I'm fine," she said again, coming over to take his hand. "Come on, we're going to miss the sunset."

A quarter of an hour later, they had settled in the shade of a massive rock in the quiet corner of Central Park that only Shadowhunters and Downworlders could access. Jace smoothed out the blanket and helped Clary sit down. She leaned against the rock, sighing in relief. Her back was aching.

Jace opened up the picnic basket and began to pass food around. Isabelle plucked a sandwich out of his hands and plopped down next to Clary.

"I think he was handing that to me," Alec said annoyedly.

Isabelle shrugged and took a bite of the sandwich. Jace smiled exasperatedly and handed Alec another sandwich.

"This is nice," said Isabelle through her mouthful. "I don't think we've had a quiet moment in months."

"Don't jinx it," said Simon warningly. "Next thing you know, Clary will be going into labor as a horde of demons descends on us."

"I'm not going into labor," Clary assured him.

"And as for the horde of demons," Jace said, sitting down beside Clary and putting an arm around her, "I think we agreed that that was out of the question."

"Hey, did you bring me—" Clary broke off as Jace handed her a box of baby carrots and a small tub of mustard. "I love you. Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Are you talking to me or the food?" Jace asked, grinning at her.

"I choose not to answer that," said Clary in a dignified tone, opening the box. She dunked a carrot into the mustard and popped it into her mouth, moaning with delight. "I love you," she mumbled again.

"Okay, now you're definitely talking to the food," Jace said, laughing.

Clary leaned into him, chewing the carrot happily. The sun was setting, bathing them in golden light. She stared up at Jace, noticing how the sunlight turned his blonde hair to shining, almost metallic gold. She wished she had brought her colored pencils with her.

"Admiring the view?" Jace asked, noticing her gazing at him.

"Always," she replied, grinning.

"Ugh," Isabelle said, collapsing onto the blanket. "This is why I wanted wine. You two are so sappy."

Clary rolled her eyes. "Like you and Simon aren't the same way," she said.

"Hey," said Simon defensively, "if we're talking about sappy couples, I think Alec and Magnus should get the prize. I mean, Alec—Alec?"

They all glanced around. Alec was crouching on the rock, staring off into the distance with his brow furrowed.

"What's going on?" said Jace.

"Listen," Alec said quietly.

Clary listened. The park was completely silent, save for the rustling of the leaves in the wind.

"I don't hear anything," Simon said.

"Exactly," said Alec. "Where are all the animals? The birds?"

"It's almost nighttime," said Clary uncertainly.

"So where are the crickets?"

They all looked at each other. Clary felt her heartbeat begin to speed up. Jace seemed to sense her worry and rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure it's nothing," he said calmly.

"Still," Alec said, sliding off the rock. "I'm going to go take a look around."

"I'll come with you," Jace said as he got to his feet. He looked down at Clary. "Stay here," he said.

"Not like I can move anyway," said Clary dryly, glancing down at her belly. Jace's lip quirked up and he smoothed her hair back before following Alec into the trees.

"Don't worry," Simon said. "Alec's just paranoid, like you said."

"I'm not worried," Clary lied, smiling at him.

"Well, if Alec's not eating his sandwich, I will," Isabelle said. Simon protested as she climbed over him to retrieve it from where Alec had set it down. Clary watched them bicker exasperatedly.

Then, suddenly, her stomach clenched painfully. Gasping, she put a hand to her belly, feeling it harden under her fingers.

"Clary?" Simon's face appeared in her vision. "Hey. You okay?"

She opened her mouth to say she was fine, no big deal, but what came out instead was a low moan as the pain intensified.

"Jace!" she heard Simon call distantly. "I think you should get over here!"

There was the sound of crunching grass, and then Jace was kneeling in front of her. "Clary, what's wrong?"

"I'm—I'm okay," Clary said, exhaling slowly as her belly loosened. "Just a contraction."

Jace's expression didn't change, but she saw his face whiten. "You had another one back at the Institute, didn't you?" he said, locking eyes with her. "And in the cab, when you were rubbing your back—"

"I'm fine," Clary insisted.

"Clary."

She sighed. "Okay, yes, I did. But—"

"How far apart are they?" Jace said, his voice leaving no room for argument.

She bit her lip. "Maybe ten minutes?"

He nodded. He was still very pale, but he had a hard look in his eyes, his expression closed off. "Okay. I think we should get you back to the Institute."

"Oh, no, I don't want to ruin our picnic," Clary protested.

"We'll have another one," Jace promised. Clary sighed as he stood up and offered his hands to her. She let him pull her to her feet, and as he did his hands brushed against her belly. She caught them and held them there, and for an instant it was like the two of them were frozen in time, in a moment shimmering with the last rays of light as the sun sank below the horizon, casting an indigo sheen across the sky. They stood, hovering in the before: before they were parents, before their whole world changed, before—

The ground exploded.

Clary stumbled, falling against Jace. Swiftly, he grabbed her by the shoulders and swung her around, pulling her behind him and shielding her body with his as dirt flew ten feet into the air from a great rift that was opening in the earth, the ground shaking violently beneath their feet. The crack widened, growing to five feet, ten feet across—and then, suddenly, it stopped.

There was a moment where the air seemed to shiver; then demons began to pour out of the ground.

Jace drew his sword. "Go!" he shouted at Simon. "Get Clary out of here, go!"

"No!" Clary cried, seizing the back of his shirt, but Simon grabbed her shoulders and pulled her away. "Get off me, I'm fine, go help them!" she shouted at Simon. Alec had climbed onto the rock and was pulling Isabelle up; skeletal black figures streamed out of the gorge by dozens, surrounding the three of them—Alec and Isabelle had an advantage on the rock, but Jace was still there in the sea of demons, fighting his way toward the other two. "Go help them!" Clary screamed at Simon.

"Duck!" he replied. She did, instinctively, and he swung his sword over her head; she heard the crunch of steel against bone that meant he had hit his mark. "Move!" he ordered her, pushing her ahead of him; the majority of the demons were occupied with Alec, Isabelle, and Jace, but some of them had branched off to pursue Simon and Clary. Clary staggered forward, wrapping her arms protectively around her belly as Simon pushed her further away from the battle.

Suddenly, Isabelle's scream tore through the air: "JACE!"

Clary whipped around in time to see Jace go down, demons piling on top of him. Alec and Isabelle slashed helplessly at them, but they were surrounded; the wave of demons began to recede back into the earth, dragging Jace with them. She saw him struggle in the melee, but there were too many of them.

"JACE!" Clary screamed. "JACE!"

She flung herself toward him—and Simon was there, wrapping his arms around her chest. She fought against him, but he held on tight. "LET ME GO!" she screamed. "I'M NOT LOSING HIM, LET ME GO!"

She watched as Jace disappeared into the ground.

Her heart stopped; her mind clouded over. She didn't think—she slammed her head back against Simon's, pain slicing across her parabatai rune. He shouted out, his hold on her loosening just enough for her to break free.

She tore forward, staggering toward the crack in the ground; the demons, having seized their target, leapt back into the chasm as it began to close around them. Before she could second-guess herself, Clary jumped in after them.

"CLARY! NO!"

Simon's panicked yell was the last thing she heard—and then her vision went black.

A/N: Only three chapters to go! If you liked this chapter (or want to murder me for that cliffhanger), please leave a review. Thanks for reading!

~4L