Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. All rights go to the actors, writers and creators of the show "When Calls The Heart".

(23/07/2018)

CHAPTER 10

That night after everyone had gone to bed and Elizabeth was certain that Jack was asleep, she crept back downstairs and went into her study. She opened her laptop and began to research retrograde amnesia.

She downloaded journal articles of different studies and treatments. She read about hypnosis and all the other techniques available for memory recovery. The more she read, the more she realised that there was not one technique that would be guaranteed to help.

Elizabeth read about cases where people's memories were recovered within days to months and others that never fully recovered. Those were the cases that scared her.

After three hours of research, a page of important notes and a list of questions for the specialist, Elizabeth pulled herself up the stairs and crashed into her bed.

Jack came out of the basement after a good workout to find the house quiet. It was still early in the morning but as he checked the bedrooms, Jack realised he was all alone. He walked into the kitchen and found a note on the fridge.

Gone to the shops. Will be back with breakfast soon! Beth.

Jack shrugged and wandered through the house since he had the place to himself. He looked at the photos that hung all over the walls and he found several drawings framed around the house with his initials in the corner. He remembered that he loved drawing but as he ran his fingers over the pencil marks under the glass it all seemed so foreign.

Jack walked back up the staircases admiring all the photos as he went. He walked into Elizabeth's room and ran his fingers over her dresser. He found her perfume bottle and enhaled it. It smelt just like Elizabeth but it didn't remind him of anything.

He found some photos of the two of them together on the dresser. One photo was on their wedding day. He and Elizabeth stood near the lake kissing, while her veil floated up behind her. Another photo was when Elizabeth was pregnant and his arms were wrapped around her, clasped on her stomach. They both looked deliriously happy. He didn't remember being that happy in his entire life. Another photo showed a beaming Elizabeth holding a newborn baby in her arms, with Jack standing behind them, his arm around them both. Jack stared at his smile in the last photo for some time. How could he forget such happy moments that he shared with Elizabeth? Instead of the photos making him happy, they made him sad and frustrated that he was totally unaware of his past life.

Elizabeth returned home with the girls and dragged the groceries into the kitchen. Jack came downstairs to meet them.

"Daddy!" Eve yelled running into his arms.

'Hi baby. How are all my girls?" he asked as he watched them trail in.

Gracie and Halley excitedly gave him a hug before they began rifling through the bags. They had begged Elizabeth at the shops for cinnamon scrolls and they were now trying to find them.

Elizabeth went to grab some more bags from the car. As she walked back in, she dropped them in the pile on the floor.

"Do you normally do groceries this early in the morning?" Jack asked.

"No, but I'm a bit out of routine because of last week" Elizabeth said as she walked over to him and reaching up, gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Can you grab the last two bags?"

"Sure."

Elizabeth stood there watching him for a minute. She hadn't intended on kissing him, but it had just happened naturally. She was constantly trying to sensor everything she did and occasionally she would forget.

Jack went back out to the car and carried the last of the bags in. Elizabeth was already starting on breakfast as she hurried around the kitchen. The girls were sitting at the table eating their scrolls.

"What are you making?"

"I did some reading last night and you're on a new diet."

"Okay …"

Elizabeth laughed as she saw his quizzical expression. "Don't look so sceptical. You like all of the food, don't worry."

"Why am I on a new diet?"

"You need more brain food."

"Huh?"

"More protein, more fish with fatty acids. You are having scrambled eggs with smoked salmon for breakfast."

Jack just watched her warily.

"You are such a chicken. Look at you. Big, strong Jack is scared of smoked salmon. You do like it, you know?"

"Since when?"

"Since I made you try it at my parents place years ago."

Jack sat down at the breakfast bar, watching her. The girls finished their scrolls and left the kitchen to go watch television or play in their rooms. Before long Elizabeth handed him a plate, with a fork.

"Give it a go."

Jack looked at her cautiously before she came around to his side. She took the fork off him before loading it up with eggs and some salmon and spoon feeding him. He opened his mouth and let her do it before she realised the intimacy of what she had just done.

Elizabeth quickly placed the fork down and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks.

"Sorry" Elizabeth muttered just as he wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her back toward him.

"Why are you apologising?"

"I just keep forgetting you don't remember me" she whispered while looking across at him. He pulled her into him a bit closer.

"You don't need to be sorry about it. I don't mind so just keep doing what you're used to doing" he said before he kissed her lightly on the lips.

Elizabeth wasn't surprised but standing here like this with his arm rested around her almost felt normal. She missed normal. He was looking into her eyes, probably trying to understand her expression. The irony of the situation had not been lost on her. Her husband didn't remember her but now she kept forgetting that he didn't remember her.

"So how do you like the salmon?" she asked him.

"It's not bad" Jack said before putting his fork through some of the pink fish and took another bite.

"Good."

"Do I have to eat it every day?"

"No, no. I have something else for you for tomorrow" she said, kissing him on the cheek and pulling away.

Jack kept eating as he heard a noise.

Jack stopped eating and looked up. "What was that?"

"That noise?" she asked. He nodded.

"It was your phone."

The noise happened again.

"Why is my phone making that noise?"

"I used it to send some messages this morning." Elizabeth went over to it and looked. A lot of people had replied to her text. She set to work, opening each message and reading the contents.

Jack stood up and came to look over her shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"I texted all of your contacts this morning."

"Why?"

"I told them about your accident and told them to send through a photo and tell me when and where you first met them. Most people have replied. I'm just going to copy their photos into the contacts so that after you meet them it will help you to remember everyone."

Elizabeth continued through the messages.

"Oh, Garry says that he met you in 2007 at one of your first army training sessions. Do you remember him?"

"Garry O'Donnell?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, I remember him. How do I know him now?"

"He's in your squad, your second in command I think."

Jack nodded. Elizabeth kept going and there was another three army friends that he had known from the time before he lost his memory.

"The service is still on tomorrow?"

"Yes. I have your dress uniform ready. I just have to pull it out and check it over."

"Can you tell me what you know about Andy?"

Elizabeth nodded. "He was only in his late 20s. His fiancé's name is Kate. Andy has been in your squad for about three years, I think. He was a smart and very level headed guy."

She could see Jack trying to take it all in.

"Who would be the person that I spend the most time with while on base?"

"Shane. You and he are pretty close. He's still away on deployment though. He will be home in another two months or so. He probably took over the leadership of your squad after the accident."

"Tell me what happened after my first deployment?"

Elizabeth smiled at him. "While you were away or your homecoming?"

"The latter" he said with a grin. "Did you miss me?"

Elizabeth laughed. "That's an understatement."

Nine years earlier … (April 2009)

Elizabeth had never felt so lost than when Jack left. She taught school and went straight home. The cold weather didn't help. She tried to go out with friends as much as possible but most of her friends already had partners so she always felt like a third wheel. After over a month of Jack being gone, she decided that she had to do something. She couldn't float aimlessly until his return.

One morning when she was passing by the lake, she saw some people out rowing. She was captivated by the rhythmic movement of the boat across the water surface. She decided right then and there, that is what she was going to do. She immediately walked around to the rowing club and found someone to ask and by the next morning she was standing there ready to give it a go.

Elizabeth loved it. Being out on the water first thing in the morning was oddly calming. They started early and were done in plenty of time for her to get to work. She ended up in a team with both men and women all around the same age, except for the coxswain, Charles, who was a bit older. Elizabeth became great friends with all of them. They met three times a week and were anticipating to race in the summer months. Charles was really happy with their progress and their teamwork.

Fridays became the evening that she would hang out with her friends from the team, Sarah and Jasmine. They were a bit younger than Elizabeth and both single, so the three of them would hang out watching movies until the weather began to warm up. Then they would hang out at the lake in the evenings or meet up with the rest of the team. Jasmine had a massive crush on Charles, so whenever he invited them to hang out, Elizabeth was dragged along. The only problem was that Charles wasn't so interested in Jasmine but more Elizabeth. Elizabeth started to feel really uncomfortable with Charles' attention.

With the help of her rowing practice and the gatherings that her friends held on weekends the rest of the month passed quickly. Charles had entered them into a local competition in mid April, their third big event. Jack was supposed to return the day after the competition.

The event went really well. Elizabeth's team ended up getting a second place medal in the 2000 m distance. As they pulled the boat in to the shore, the team jumped out and were being congratulated by other club members. Elizabeth had been making her rounds hugging all of her team mates and was in the process of receiving an awkward hug from Charles when she saw a bunch of men along the waters edge over his shoulder. Their short hair and fit physique drew her attention. They were military.

Elizabeth froze, her eyes flitting over all of the men, trying to see anyone she recognised. Then she noticed him. Jack. Before she knew it, she was dodging people and she was running to him. He saw her at the same moment and came toward her. She threw her arms around him as he picked her up.

"Jack!"

Then he was kissing her and neither of them cared who was watching.

She pulled back, her hand on the side of his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I got back early. How did you go?"

"We got second. Did you see it?"

"No, I just saw you when you were coming back in. Look at you in your little rowing outfit."

"You like it?"

"Yeah. When are you finished?"

"I'm done now. Let me just go get my bag. Take me home Jack?"

He nodded and kissed her again.

Elizabeth ran back and grabbed her gear.

"Is that Jack?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah. He's back!" Elizabeth exclaimed.

"I see that. He's gorgeous Elizabeth."

"I know" she said laughing. She caught a glimpse of Charles approaching them. "Jack's taking me home so I don't need a lift, I will see you all later." Elizabeth dashed away back to Jack and, taking her hand, he whisked her away.

The whole way home, they didn't let go of one another. Even while Jack was driving, her hand stayed on his as it rested on the glove box. He pulled the car up out the front of her place and opened her door before taking her hand and walking her in.

As soon as they stepped inside, his hands were around her and he had pushed her gently up against the wall, reminiscent of their farewell kiss and all of the emotions of the last few months came flooding back.

"Elizabeth, we have to stop. You know I won't be able to if you keep kissing me like that" he said giving her a dimpled grin.

"Oh, so its my fault? I'm pretty sure you started kissing me."

"Yes, but you just added fuel to the fire with that tongue thing that you do."

Elizabeth was laughing so hard. He bent in to kiss her again and she repeated what she had been doing before.

"Yes. That. Stop it."

"Oh, you like that?"

"Too much. Cut it out." Jack said grinning.

"Well, you had better take your hands off me while we're at it."

Jack looked at her, hurt. "Why?"

"Because you make me swoon when your hands wrap around me like that. How one of your hands sits on my lower back and the other one holds my face? You make a girl fall in love with you when you do that."

"Oh, really?" his eyes had their playful spark back in them, as his hands slid to the exact positions that she had just mentioned. "Like this."

"Yeah" she whispered. "I love you, Jack."

"I love you back, Beth" he said as he bent into kiss her again, slowly and gentle.

Jack had listened in fascination to the story. They both sounded so young.

"Well, that is helpful to know" he said once she had finished.

"What?"

"The way you like me holding you."

"Oh, you have so much to learn Jack" she said laughing.

"Like what else?"

"You are forgetting that I know all of your weaknesses, you are yet to learn all of mine again. That puts me at the top."

"That's fine. I'm quite happy with a woman on top." Jack said it and although he was just being cheeky he immediately regretted it when he saw Elizabeth's eyes dart to his. As he was about to apologise for being so forward, she spoke quietly.

"I already know that too" she said with a small smile. She picked up his plate and turned back into the kitchen and began washing up the dishes.

"Sorry, Elizabeth, that came out badly. I didn't mean to …"

"Jack. It's fine. I know you so much better than you realise. Don't apologise."

Jack stood and grabbed a dishcloth and helped dry the dishes.

"I'm thinking we should go to the base today and say hello to a few people before tomorrow. It might take the pressure off you at the service then. What do you think?"

"Sounds good. Thanks Beth."

"No problems. I will see if Abigail can watch the girls for an hour."

After dropping the girls at Abigail's, Elizabeth drove Jack down to the base. Elizabeth had called ahead to let Jack's boss know they were coming. They passed through security and she drove up to the administration building. Elizabeth led him into the offices.

"Hi Mary" she greeted the lady behind the desk.

"Hi Elizabeth. Hi Jack. Good to see you both."

"Henry was expecting us. Can you let him know?"

"Of course."

Elizabeth took a seat while Jack remained standing, looking at some pictures on the wall.

"I remember this place. I suppose I was here for a month or too before I lost my memory."

"Yes, that's right. Do you remember Sergeant Major Gowan?"

"Vaguely. I remember the name I think."

Elizabeth sat there in silence as she waited. Henry appeared in his uniform as he came toward them from down the corridor.

"Elizabeth" he called out to her.

"Hi Henry." She stood up and walked toward Jack. Jack had worn plain clothes today, but he stood there nervously as she came up beside him. "Jack this is Sergeant Major Henry Gowan. Do you remember him now?"

Henry stood opposite them with a curious expression.

"Vaguely."

"Hi Jack. It is good to see you again. Come on down to my office and we can have a word."

Elizabeth went to sit back down.

"Oh, Elizabeth, you can come to" Henry said.

"That's fine. I will wait right here."

Jack glanced back at her but squared up his shoulders and followed Henry to his office.

Jack was so nervous being in this building. He felt like he was a new recruit all those years ago as he followed the Sergeant Major to his office.

"Come sit down Jack. You can call me Henry. You were on a first name basis with me, especially since our wives teach at the school together."

Jack just nodded and took a seat.

"So Jack. How is everything coming along? The specialist you have been seeing is required to provide updates on your health. I have read that you are still suffering from a severe case of amnesia."

"Yes, that is right, Sir."

"Have you had any memories return yet?"

"No, Sir."

"You are back living with your family though. You remember them?"

"No, Sir."

Henry looked surprised.

"You don't remember your daughters?"

"No, Sir. Or my wife."

Henry's eyes shot open.

"You don't remember Elizabeth?"

"No, Sir. It seems the last memories I have were just before I met her."

Henry shook his head.

"What was the last training that you remember receiving?"

"Elizabeth tells me that I was just about to finish my last month of training as a private. I don't remember my first deployment."

Jack could see the surprise on Henry's face. Obviously what he had read in Jack's file had not highlighted the severity of the memory loss.

"Are you receiving treatment for the amnesia?"

"Yes, I am due to start at the end of the week. Hopefully, it will help recover something. Anything."

Henry nodded.

"I will try and find a position for you to return to when you get back. It will depend if you have had any memories of course by then. When is your arm out of the cast?"

"They said it was just a fracture, so another week or two."

"Okay, well try and keep up with your fitness as best you can. We can slot you back in with a squad and get your training back up to scratch in a few more weeks once your arm is better. You should probably organise an appointment with the psychologist as well. He might be able to help you deal with any adjustment issues that you may be having."

"Thank you." Jack stood getting up to leave. "I appreciate you fitting me in today."

"Of course Jack. Are you coming to the service tomorrow?"

"I was going to. I don't remember Gaines but I thought I should still pay my respects."

"You might find it overwhelming, so be careful Jack."

"Thanks."

Jack left the room and was feeling very anxious. This whole situation made him so frustrated. He felt like he was living someone else's life.

Elizabeth and Jack returned to Abigail's. Jack saw his girls sitting at a booth, each with their own icecream sundae. Jack headed straight for them and slid into the booth next to Gracie.

"Hey girls. What have you got there?"

"Abigail made us sundaes!" Eve said excitedly.

"I see that!"

"Do you want to try some of mine?" Gracie asked him.

"Of course. They look so good."

Gracie loaded up the spoon and held it out for Jack to eat. He took it from her, eating the icecream.

"Wow, that is good."

"Mine's better. Try this Daddy!" Eve said as she loaded her spoon up high with a big blob of icecream. She dribbled it across the table as she handed it to Jack.

"Yeah that one is pretty good too" Jack said with his mouth full.

"Wait! Mine too!" Halley said as she copied her younger sisters before Jack had even finished.

They were all laughing at him as he was trying to quickly eat the last spoonful before it dripped all over the table.

"Aaah brainfreeze!" he cried as he finished off the last one. They all giggled hysterically at him as he pulled faces at them because of the cold icecream.

"You're so funny Daddy" Gracie said as she leant into his side. Eve pushed her bowl away and hurriedly climbed down from her seat and came around to Jack putting her hands up. He scooped her up and put her on his other knee and her head dropped to his chest. Jack smiled down at them both.

Elizabeth had been having a quiet word to Abigail while Jack went to sit with the girls.

"Still nothing, Elizabeth?"

"No. It's only been just over a week, though."

"You are a stronger woman than me."

Elizabeth smiled at her. "I doubt that."

"What have you been doing with him?"

"Mainly just looking at photos and telling him stories from when we were dating. I don't want to overwhelm him all at once so I've just been waiting for him to ask me questions."

"That sounds reasonable."

"We have a funeral service tomorrow for one of the soldiers in his squad. He is insistent that he wants to go. It's going to be a hard day."

"I can only imagine."

Elizabeth glanced over to Jack now who was making faces at the girls while they laughed hysterically at him. She saw how Gracie and Eve curled up against him and he smiled down at them.

"Look at them Abigail. How does he not remember? He does it all so instinctively" she said sadly.

Abigail pulled her in for a hug. "It will come back to him. That is proof."

"I hope you're right. I don't want to be alone anymore."

Abigail held her back. "Elizabeth you're never alone, you know that."

Elizabeth nodded, her eyes teary. She turned back and saw Jack watching her.

After the girls had been put to bed, Jack came downstairs to find Elizabeth stretched out on the couch with her eyes closed. He sat down beside her and ran his hand down her arm.

"Beth?"

"Hmm?" she said opening her eyes slowly.

"You tired?"

"Yeah."

"Come on" he pulled her to her feet and walked her up to her room.

He pulled back the covers on the bed while she changed into her pyjamas in the bathroom.

He waited until she climbed into bed before he sat back down next to her.

"Beth, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jack."

"What made you upset today at Abigail's?"

"Nothing" she said avoiding his eyes.

"It's not nothing. Tell me."

"I just … I just feel a bit lonely lately. That's all."

Jack thought about it. Although it was frustrating for him not to remember anything he couldn't imagine what she was going through. Living with her husband who acted like a stranger. It would be really lonely.

Jack stood up and walked around the other side of the bed before he slid in next to her. He wrapped his arm around her and she settled in against his chest.

"Thank you" she whispered before she quickly fell asleep.