A/N: first of all, a very heart-felt thank-you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed and favourited this story so far. Your encouragement is absolutely amazing, guys, thank you so much.
Secondly, a note about the redemption arc proper, which begins in this chapter. Much as I (and Ben Solo, probably) might wish otherwise, I can't just wave a magic wand and make the past go away. (Well, technically, I can, but I'm not going to in this fic.) The whole point of this fic is writing a proper redemption arc for Ben, which means Ben has to face what he's done and work to make up for it. And, of course, gain the Resistance's trust. (I can tell you now that won't be easy.)
But the thing about a really good redemption arc is even though it's extremely difficult to pull off, it leaves you feeling incredibly satisfied when the character finally gets his or her Happily Ever After. It's the classic "a lot of hard work makes the reward feel so much more worthwhile" mentality.
We are now officially entering the A Lot Of Hard Work phase. I apologise for the delay between updates, but I wanted to make sure this chapter was done properly. I do hope you all enjoy it!
Ben's eyes flew open and he gasped in a heaving breath, his lungs burning like they had when his aquabreather had broken on a snorkelling holiday to Mon Cala. He had been without air for barely a minute, then.
This felt a hundred times worse.
He gulped air like a drowning man, feeling like he could never get enough to ease the awful burn in his chest.
He had never appreciated how complex and wonderful the act of breathing was before, but now it hit him full force. From infancy, you breathed. No-one had to teach you how, it was just an instinct. And just that – just an instinct – kept them all alive, kept oxygen racing through their systems to allow them to think, and feel, and live.
As though that thought had been the catalyst, the bond exploded into being in Ben's mind, bright and brilliant, soaking into every corner of his brain and healing wounds he hadn't even known were there.
The memory of Rey's face ashen grey, her body cold and still – gone. The fear and crushing grief that had flooded through his mind when he realised he couldn't feel her – gone. The helpless rage he had felt when Palpatine had cast him away so easily, gone, the aching feeling of failure that he should have been there to fight the monster with Rey, gone.
And then Rey herself was there, sprinting across the hall to him and crashing to the floor beside him, her hand shaking as she placed it on his chest to feel his heartbeat thrumming beneath her fingers.
She looked up slowly, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and he sensed she was terrified that this was some form of illusion and he would fade away in front of her again.
Tenderly, Ben placed his hand over hers on his chest, pouring all the reassurance and warmth he possibly could into the action and into his gaze, still locked with hers.
Rey was the strongest person he had ever met, except perhaps for his mother. But even the strongest people had to let themselves break once in a while, and Rey had faced more in one day today than most people ever would in their entire lives.
Burying her head in his shoulder, she let herself break for the first time in nearly ten years, sobbing so that her entire body shook.
Ben didn't even have to think about it – he wrapped an arm tightly around her and pulled her close, the other hand reaching up to cradle her head. He didn't speak; he knew she would tell him when she was ready.
He was right. Rey gathered herself faster than he had expected, sitting up and reaching for his hand.
"It was the worst thing I've ever felt," she said, her voice hoarse from crying. "Like a part of me had been ripped clean away, and there was salt being poured onto the wound."
She sniffed and brushed fiercely across her damp cheeks with her free hand. "I've always told myself I didn't need anyone else to be whole."
"You don't," Ben said, reaching up with his free hand to brush the pad of his thumb across her cheek. He thought of how brightly she always shone in the Force - even when she had just come back to life, she made everything else seem dim in comparison. "You're the strongest person I know," he told her.
Rey closed her eyes, a single tear leaking from under her lashes and tracing a sparkling path down her cheek. "I'm not strong at all," she whispered. "When you died, I couldn't even let myself cry. I froze completely, and then I ran."
Through the bond, he heard her mind continue the sentence, desperately sad and still terrified that he might disappear again: in less than an hour, I got everything I ever wanted, and just like that, I lost it again. I couldn't take it.
"That doesn't make you weak," he said, leaning back to look deep into her eyes. "You've already gone through so much today, and I understand what it feels like when the bond is gone."
Just the memory of it was enough to make him shudder – he had never felt anything worse than that awful emptiness where Rey was supposed to be.
He swept his thumb gently across the curve of her cheekbone, calling on the memory of the bond returning. "But that's over," he said, quiet but urgent, willing her to understand. "You don't ever have to be alone again."
Closing his eyes, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers, sending the brilliant memory of the bond reopening flooding through their link.
A sharp intake of breath told him that it had worked, followed by a pulse of pure joy from Rey's side of the bond.
He didn't need the bond to know what she was feeling – he remembered it perfectly himself. It was the best feeling in the world – love, happiness, wonder, and delight, mixed with the wonderful sensation that everything was exactly right in the world.
We don't need each other to be whole, he thought, deliberately projecting the thought into the bond. But if we're together, we balance each other perfectly.
The bond seemed to glow gently with Rey's agreement. Thank you.
"How did you know exactly what to say?" Rey murmured, opening her eyes at the same time as he did.
Ben gave her a crooked grin. "I guess I just know you."
Wonder filled Rey's eyes and smile. "Yes," she breathed. "I guess you do."
Leaning forwards, she pressed her lips to his in a soft, gentle kiss. Their bond seemed to burst into a shower of tiny sparkles as Ben tightened his arm around her, tenderly kissing her back.
They broke apart a few seconds later, and Ben opened his eyes, locking gazes with Rey. She gave him a small grin, and he kissed her lightly on the cheek, reaching for her hand.
"Come on," he said, lacing their fingers and pulling her to her feet. "Let's get out of here."
"The Resistance's base is on Ajan Kloss," she said, trying rather uselessly to dust off her white clothing.
She must have felt him tense, because she turned to him with raised eyebrows. "What is it?"
"I don't know if I can go to the Resistance," he admitted, dropping his gaze.
She frowned. "I think it's what your mother would have wanted."
It was as though he was in the meadow again, listening to his mother's words – "Everyone makes mistakes, Ben. It's part of life. What's important is how you fix those mistakes."
"You're right," he said, blinking and nodding at her.
Rey's gaze softened. "Did you see her?"
"Yeah," he answered softly. "Some part of her spirit must have clung on even after she died, and she used that to bring me back."
"I'll thank her when I see her," Rey said, a memory of Luke's Force ghost flitting through the bond.
"You won't," Ben said quietly.
Rey looked sharply at him. "What do you mean?"
"My mother told me she chose not to stay behind as a Force ghost," he said, voice as bittersweet as the memory. "She's going on, to be with my dad again."
"Oh. Oh." Her voice was full of the same mix of emotions Ben himself had felt – compassion, understanding, sorrow.
She closed her eyes for a moment, and he sensed her saying goodbye to Leia for the last time. The bond was tinged with unspoken regrets – I should have told her, I should have stayed with her – but the overarching emotion was peaceful acceptance.
That's what she would have wanted, Ben thought, picturing his mother's last smile, full of love and grief and above all, peace.
Rey opened her eyes and squeezed his hand. "Let's go," she said.
The Knights of Ren's sleek Oubliette-class transport, the Night Buzzard, flew like a dream compared to the clunky TIE-cum-skimmer Ben had taken to Exegol. He had taken a kind of perverse pleasure in leaving the thing in the crumbling ruins of the Sith stronghold (after Rey had finished laughing at it, that is.)
He did have some doubts about flying this particular ship into the heart of the Resistance, though. Surely they would recognise the transport of the dreaded Knights of Ren, and attempt to shoot it down?
But Rey assured him with a slightly alarming carelessness that it wouldn't be a problem. "I know the Generals," she had said with a grin when he had pressed for details.
The comms crackled to life in front of him. "Night Buzzard, this is Ground Control. You have been cleared for landing on platform nine seven-seven."
Ben blinked. It seemed that Rey really did know the Generals.
"Thank you," he told Control, not quite managing to keep the surprise out of his voice.
"We'll be sending a party to meet you," Control informed him with just a touch of dryness. This was his mother's organisation, all right.
"Not a problem," he said. "Night Buzzard out."
He landed the ship expertly on the small landing pad, figuring that he might as well show off his piloting skills if he was going to get arrested anyway.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Rey's informing him that that logic made absolutely no sense.
He cheerfully ignored it and continued showing off.
As promised, there was a landing party waiting for him when he opened the ramp, consisting of several Resistance officers holding stun batons, an unimpressed-looking Poe Dameron, and FN-2187 – Finn, he reminded himself, Finn – whose brow was furrowed as though he was concentrating very hard on something.
"Well, damn, Rey," said Dameron, and Ben's heart did a little skip when he saw Rey standing just to the left of the rest of the party. "You didn't mention he was such a show-off."
But there was grudging admiration in his tone. Ben sensed instinctively that, being a pilot himself, Dameron understood all too well the difficulty of landing a shuttle the size of the Night Buzzard so perfectly on an uneven jungle floor, not to mention showing off with a few twirls on the way.
Beneath the admiration, though, he sensed strong distrust and a hint of fear in Dameron's Force signature.
He's using a devil-may-care mask to hide what he's really feeling, he realised. And, with a touch of regret-tainted nostalgia, Just like my dad used to.
Rey must have noticed the sudden spike in his own Force signature, because she took half a step forward, concern rippling through the bond.
To his surprise, he saw FN2 – Finn – frown as well, raising a hand to his head as though he had a sudden headache.
Interesting, Ben thought, reaching out gently with the Force to brush against the former stormtrooper's mind. There it was, humming just below the surface of his consciousness – a tentative connection to the Force.
More prominent, though, was the conflict that raged through the ex-stormtrooper's mind. On the one hand, he trusted Rey implicitly, and wanted to believe that Kylo Ren had turned to their side. But on the other, his mind kept replaying the moment Ben had killed his father, and his mind whispered – what if this is a trick, too? What if he's just playing on Rey's sentiments, and he'll kill her as soon as we all trust him?
Ben winced, and withdrew from Finn's mind to brush against the minds of the two Resistance officers.
The first one, Beaumont Kin, had a very straightforward, no-nonsense mind, and he very clearly wanted nothing more than to stun Ben right away and toss him into a prison cell to rot. But respect for his Generals and for Rey held him in place, though Ben could sense very clearly that if the stun order was given, Kin would not hesitate.
The second one was more interesting. From her mind, he sensed she was called Kaydel Ko Connix, and she had worked quite closely with his mother. His heart lurched as he saw the memories of Leia confiding in Kaydel, over and over, how she believed her son would return one day.
Kaydel herself had very mixed feelings. She was happy for the General, and wanted to honour her legacy by believing that her son really had returned. But she also remembered Poe Dameron's horror stories about his torture at Kylo Ren's hands, and the duel in which he had seemingly killed the legendary Luke Skywalker.
None of these people trust me, he thought with a sinking realisation. It's just because of Rey that they're willing to give me a chance.
For a moment, he longed to run away, but Kaydel Ko Connix's memory of his mother held him in place more firmly than any chains could.
I've been given a chance I don't really deserve. But I will prove to these people that they made the right call to give it to me.
"You don't trust me," he said to the group at large, raising his hands to his sides to show that they were empty. "I don't blame you."
Beaumont Kin, who had raised his baton as soon as Ben spoke, lowered it again slowly, distrust still rippling through his Force signature.
But he was intrigued, too. He wanted to hear what the late General's son had to say for himself.
All these people respect you so much, Mother, he thought, closing his eyes briefly at the stab of pain the memory of his mother's death brought.
If you're listening, Mother, help me find the words, he pleaded silently into the air, feeling like a lost and helpless ten-year-old again.
A memory of his mother flashed in front of his closed eyes – "you have the words inside you, Ben," she said with a warm smile, poking his chest playfully. "Right here, in your heart. Words from the heart can inspire a galaxy."
He opened his eyes and drew in a deep breath. "You don't trust me," he repeated. "And you have no reason to. I'm the man who forced my way into his mind." He gestured at Poe Dameron, who winced and took a barely-discernible step backwards. "I'm the man who slashed your back open and left you for dead in a snowy forest." He nodded at Finn. "And I'm also the man who took over the First Order and spent a year terrorising the galaxy."
"You have no guarantees, absolutely none, that I've changed," he said, making eye contact with each member of the group in turn the way his mother had taught him. "Except my word. I promise you, each and every one of you, that I am not that man any more. Kylo Ren is dead – I am Ben Solo."
He took another deep breath – this would be the trickiest bit. "And I know I have to face justice for all those things I did. If you want to stun me on the spot and throw me into the worst prison cell you can find, I won't fight you." He flashed a wry look at Beaumont Kin. "I will take whatever punishment you choose to give me."
"And I promise you all that I will never, ever hurt another soul the way I hurt some of you. I know it won't be quick or easy to earn your trust, but if you're willing to give me a chance, I will do it, and then I will spend the rest of my life helping you to rebuild the galaxy and make sure that there will never be anyone like Palpatine again."
For a moment there was absolute silence, and Ben groaned inwardly. I did it wrong, I did it wrong, I did it –
Then, slowly, Beaumont Kin brought his hands together. It took Ben a moment to realise that he was applauding.
After a moment, Kaydel Ko Connix joined him, and then the entire forest seemed to be full of the sound of clapping. Ben flushed scarlet as he realised that most of the Resistance had gathered to listen to him speak.
Rey beamed at him from across the clearing. That was amazing, Ben.
He grinned back, still not quite believing that he had actually done it. Thank you.
"All right, that was a decent speech, I'll give you that," Poe Dameron said when some of the clapping had died down. To his right, Finn snorted and bumped him with his shoulder.
Dameron gave his friend a glare, but relented. "Fine, it was an excellent speech."
"I learned from the best," Ben said quietly.
A flicker of grief crossed Dameron's face. "I know," he said, just as quietly. "Your mother believed in you, you know."
"I won't let her down," Ben promised.
Dameron searched his face, and seemed to come to a decision, giving a quick nod. "Okay, I believe you," he said. He took a few steps towards Ben and folded his arms. "You asked for a chance, you've got it. Take a formal trial on Coruscant, and accept whatever the judge rules."
Ben was nodding before Dameron had even finished speaking. "I'll do it," he said. "That's fairer than I could have hoped for."
Dameron gave him a wry smile. "Don't thank me yet. Coruscant doesn't forget easily, and you have an entire Hosnian Cataclysm to defend yourself against."
Ben winced. "It's not going to be easy."
"But it's going to be worthwhile," Rey said, appearing at his side. He felt a little glow in his chest, and realised that it was happiness. No matter how difficult this was going to be, he had Rey, and that was enough to make him happy.
"Come on, Ben," she said, turning to give him a warm smile that said she knew exactly what he had been thinking, and agreed with him. "We have a defence to prepare."
A/N: please do tell me what you all thought about this chapter! I absolutely love hearing from you guys (although my sister would tell you it's bad for my ego.)
On a slightly less cheerful note, unfortunately I won't be able to update this fic as regularly as I'd hoped. My workload has doubled this year, and I'm still figuring out my new schedule and how to handle everything. Still, I get to write on most weekends, and it's my aim to update about once every two weeks (probably on Saturdays.) If you don't mind the wait, I'll see you then!