Ok so, The Fat Guy's like, "Ok, Thomas, do you remember what your job is?"

And Tom's like, "Of course I do, Sir! I'm a helper in the train yard."

"Yes…"

"I shunt trucks and coaches for the other bigger engines."

"Keep going…"

"I can only do smaller jobs because of my size and race. If I ever try to do something out of my league, the balance would be off, and the train gods would destroy the entire-."

"Ok, that's far enough!"

So, the exposition ritual is complete, which summons a whole new character to fuck up just as much as Thomas(because we were all getting bored of everyone else).

The new guy's name is James, and he's basically a recolor of Edward. I mean, sure he has a different face, but the only time anyone pays attention to someone else's face is when there's a money shot involved. Aside from that, James is a totally narcissistic kiss ass who only cares about his paintwork. And do we ever get an explanation as to why he care so much about how he looks?

Nope. It's all left up to the imagination of devoted fans like us(I'm looking at you, fanfic writers. Get to work on writing an angsty story that involve James working at a brothel or crack house in the past, and everyone he works for pressures him for looking presentable enough for his "appointments".)

Anyway, James was summoned so quickly that he's thrown right into the yard with a huge train behind him. The velocity is so strong that his brakes get fucked up, and he's pushed all the way out into the countryside. Thomas is still pissed off about what the trucks did to him in the last episode, so he grabs a breakdown train to rescue James from an inevitable wreck.

And I'm just sitting here thinking, "Finally, a vehicle that's not cursed to live with physical and emotional feelings. I sure hope the writers for the show don't create an alternate universe where this one breakdown train comes to life in the future…"(Fuck you, Adventure Begins movie)

As expected, James gets in an accident and crashes into a field, where he accidentally kills some innocent cows.

And the trucks are like, "Well, we can't say we didn't deserve this, but it's also James' fault for having wooden brakes."

And Thomas is all, "The fuck? Who would be stupid enough to give an engine, or any vehicle for that matter, wooden. Fucking. Brakes?!"

"That's what we said, but the plot wouldn't listen."

"Are you talking about the story kind, or the pony kind?"

"Uh, the story kind."

"Right, right…just checking to make sure there weren't any…soft, little, fuckable ponies around…"

Admit it, you'd fuck pony plots, too.

Anyway, James is lifted out of the field and Thomas is like, "So, how'd you get here, Dude?"

And James is like, "I dunno, Man. One minute, I was hittin' the bong with some friends, and the next, I was tossed through some portal with these trucks attached to me. At first, I thought I was just blasted off my ass from the drugs, but I realized it was real when a bunch of cow guts flew into my mouth."

"Yeah, sorry about that. My boss and I were just doing the daily exposition ritual, and we forgot to draw the no-plot-device chalk circle."

"Eh, it's alright. At least now, I have an excuse to get these fuckin' brakes replaced. I never actually needed them since I always went so slow from the weed."

"Speaking of which, do you have any on you?"

"Hell yeah, Dude! I never leave home without any!"

"Sweet! Let's take you to get repaired, and get a good buzz while we're at it!"

…

…

Oh, and Thomas is given his own branch line, by the way.