Chapter 2 of 2 today … Don't miss Ch 55!

(25/10/2018)

CHAPTER 56

Flashback - Continued …

Despite what Jack said, the guilt stayed with Elizabeth for a long time. Even though they had not been planning to have a baby so soon, the disappointment of the miscarriage made them re-evaluate things.

"I want to try for another baby now" Elizabeth said one evening to Jack.

"Are you sure?"

"We always said we'd have three kids, so this would just speed things up a bit."

"We're not in a rush though and we actually said we would have four."

"Yes, but I don't want to wait any longer. What if it takes months or if we have another miscarriage?"

"You can't worry about that."

"Please. Just think about it."

Ultimately Jack just wanted Elizabeth to be happy and he had seen how the miscarriage had torn her apart, so he had agreed.

Each month, Elizabeth would be devastated when it didn't work out, although she remained optimistic. Jack tried to reassure her, they weren't in a hurry but it was no use.

Rosie announced that she was pregnant not long after and Elizabeth was devastated.

"It's only Rosie and Lee's second baby. You can't be jealous of that" Jack said, trying to calm her down when she found out. They were standing in the kitchen after Elizabeth got off the phone form Rosie.

"I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are. You wish it was you."

Elizabeth began to cry. She felt the guilt, the jealousy and the disappointment all overwhelm her. She hated how she was being affected by this. She never thought she would have become that type of person and she was ashamed that she was jelaous of Rosie and Lee. They deserved to be happy too and she knew that.

"It's not fair. I want this so much."

"You have a 2 ½ year old and a six month old baby. You don't need to deal with the headaches and dizzy spells right now."

"I know, you're right."

When Gracie was ten months old, Elizabeth finally had some good news. She was pregnant again and was so happy. It would mean that there would be an eighteen month age gap between her two youngest and in her mind that was perfect.

She took Jack to the lake but he knew where she was heading and beat her to it as they pulled into the carpark.

"You're pregnant again?"

"Yes" she beamed at him.

Jack was just glad that she was so happy again. The monthly disappointments had been taking their toll on her and even though to their friends she seemed fine, behind closed doors she was full of anxiety and bordering on depression. Jack had seen a change in her in the past few days and knew something was different.

"How far along?"

"Only just. Five weeks."

"What did the doctor say?"

"I have to make an appointment with the obstetrician. I've only had the blood test confirmation."

Two weeks later they were sitting in the obstetricians room, getting ready for their first scan. Elizabeth lay back on the bed and Jack sat beside her, holding her hand. As the doctor ran the probe over her skin, they saw the familiar image appear on the screen. The small fetus was there and they could see the flickering of a heart beat.

Elizabeth was relieved at the sight. That lasted all of two minutes.

"The heart beat is a lot slower than what I would like to see" the doctor informed them.

"Okay …" Elizabeth said worriedly.

"And the crown to rump length is on the small side for this gestation."

"So what does that mean?"

Elizabeth glanced at Jack who was still staring at the screen.

"I would like you to come back in another week and we will take another look. I'm hoping that the heart has only just started beating and it will speed up in the next few days. You may only be just over six weeks along which would make all of these measurements more reasonable."

Elizabeth made another appointment for the following week and left with Jack holding her hand.

"That didn't sound good" she said as soon as they got outside.

"No, it didn't but maybe you're not as far along as we thought."

Elizabeth nodded slowly not knowing what to think.

"You can't worry about it. We can't do anything. It is all out of our control" Jack reassured her.

"I know. I just ... worry."

"I know you do. It's difficult not to, especially after last time. Please, just try."

That week was torture. She didn't think it could get much worse than that. Until she returned for another scan and received a worse prognosis.

"The heart beat is still very slow. It's only 90 bpm and it should be at least 110-120 at a minimum. In combination with the result from your blood test, I'm fairly certain a miscarriage is imminent."

Elizabeth's eyes welled with tears. "How long will it take until we know for certain?"

"It's hard to know. It could be a day or a week."

"So we just have to wait for nature to take its course?"

"Yes. I'm sorry Elizabeth and Jack."

"But we had a miscarriage only a few months ago and now again …"

"We can test the tissue if you miscarry and see if there is something causing a problem. That is all we can do at this stage."

Elizabeth left and made it as far as the car before she broke down, the tears rolling down her cheeks as she sobbed into Jack's chest.

"Why is this happening to us?"

"You can't think like that. It's just unlucky. That's all."

He held her tightly as she tried to regain her composure.

"That must have been a nightmare."

"It was. It was the longest week of our lives. Even though I was trying to be optimistic it took a heavy toll. Every waking moment I was googling our results and there were women out there that had been in a similar situation that had gone to term and delivered healthy babies. Because of that I still had hope. It took eight days until it was all over. I was still upset but a part of me was glad that the waiting was done."

Jack held her tight. "I remember parts of that time, I think. I remember holding you as you cried beside a car."

"Yes, that would have been that day when we found out."

"I feel terrible that I don't remember any of this. I must have been a different person because of all of these obstacles that we faced than I am now."

"Maybe a little but I've told you before sometimes I forget that you don't remember."

"So when Eve finally came along, we must have been so excited?"

"Yes, it took almost a whole year and at first I didn't believe things would work out but after we passed the ten week mark and the eleven week mark and every week after that, it seemed to be finally happening. But we didn't want to tell everyone and then be disappointed again so we kept it really quiet for a long time."

Four years and two months earlier … (June 2014)

It was the summer break and William and Grace had booked a cabin at the lake and invited all of the family to stay. Viola and Lionel were going with Oscar, Julie would be there with Lucy and Lee, Rosie and the boys would be there for a time too.

Truthfully Elizabeth was dreading it. Up until then, she had kept wearing loose shirts and jackets to cover her growing bump but with the threat of warmer weather and swimming, she knew she would have to tell everyone.

"It will be fine, Beth. Everyone would want to know" Jack told her.

"I know it's just I've liked having it as our little secret."

"Yes, but you're lucky no one has figured it out yet. Especially considering Viola's situation."

Viola had announced that she and Lionel were expecting their second child in December, a whole six weeks behind Elizabeth's due date. Elizabeth had been so excited for her sister but at the time, Elizabeth was only twelve weeks so felt it was still too early considering her past history. She knew Viola would understand when the time came. She wasn't worried about her. The rest of her family though …

Elizabeth and Jack arrived at the cabin two days behind the rest of the family with four year old Halley and two year old Gracie in tow. As soon as they pulled up the pebbled drive, Grandma Grace was standing out the front waving.

"So glad that you're here!" she said as she embraced her two granddaughters. "How was work Jack?"

He had just returned from a training session after being gone for three days.

"Fine. I'm glad to be on break now though" he said as he came around from the other side of the car and reached for Elizabeth's hand.

"Grab your bags. Everyone is out in the pool. It's been so warm today, we have barely left the water."

Elizabeth had noticed the heat as soon as she stepped out. She was wearing jeans, a shirt and a loose jacket but knew it wouldn't be long before she'd have to strip down.

Elizabeth took Halley's hand while Grace carried her namesake Gracie and Jack began unpacking their bags.

They walked through the house and Grace led them through the large bifold doors to an undercover alfresco area that overlooked a huge inground pool and the lake front down below. They were met with a chorus of cheers from everyone else that were scattered around on chairs and lounges surrounding the pool.

After all of the greetings were done, Elizabeth stood beside Viola and Rosie. Jack had just walked in and was shaking hands with Lee.

"Beth, we have mimosas!" Julie called out, stepping forward with a large cocktail glass for her.

"I'm alright for the moment. I will just go get the girls bathers so they can join the kids in the pool."

"I'll leave it here for you" Julie said as she placed the glass down and went and sat back down on the pool edge.

Elizabeth took Halley and Gracie back to their suitcases and helped them change into their bathers.

She pulled out Jack's boardshorts and carried them with her knowing one of them had to go in the pool with them and it wouldn't be her at that moment.

Halley ran excitedly ahead. "Daddy. Come swimming with us!" she said as she grabbed his hand.

"Okay sweetie." He excused himself from his conversation with Lee and took his shorts to go change.

After Elizabeth had handed over both her daughters to Jack in the pool, she went back to take a seat but was cut off by Rosie.

"You must go change! You're making me feel hot just by looking at you!"

"I'm fine, thank you."

Truthfully she was incredibly hot but if she took her jeans off, she would have to take her jacket off. That wasn't going to happen. She very quickly realised she was going to have to say something sooner rather than later.

"Here Beth" Julie sang out raising her cocktail glass.

Elizabeth stared at it for a moment. "I will just grab a glass of water" she said, turning to go inside to the kitchen.

"Don't be silly, Elizabeth" Rosie said blocking her retreat. "You just got here. You can have one glass."

Elizabeth held her breath. "Actually I can't."

All of a sudden all of the women were squealing in excitement and surrounded her.

"You're pregnant?!"

Elizabeth nodded hesitantly.

"How far along are you?" Viola asked excitedly.

"Halfway."

"WHAT?!" Rosie shrieked.

Viola dragged her inside away from all the stares.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We were hesitant in case we lost another one" Elizabeth said quietly.

"Another one?" Viola said, the concern showing in her eyes. "How many have you and Jack lost?"

"Two."

"Oh Beth" she said putting her arms around her younger sister. "You should have told me."

"I just couldn't. I didn't know where to begin with explaining everything."

"Is it true?" Grace said hurrying into the kitchen, breathless.

"Yes, Mom."

Grace came over to her wrapping her in a big hug. "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you both. Do you know if it's a boy?"

"No Mom."

"I'm hoping it's a boy for Jack."

"Oh Jack doesn't care. He won't mind either away."

"I'm sure he would. He's just saying that to remove the pressure."

"The gender is all on him. It won't be my fault."

Grace looked at her puzzled for a moment before changing the topic.

Feeling that everything was now out in the open she decided to go change her clothes. She slipped into a summer dress that sat tightly on her stomach but now she wasn't bothered. She walked back outside where her mother was standing there waiting for her.

"Oh Beth. You look amazing" she said, giving Elizabeth another hug, looking down at her belly.

"Thanks Mom."

Elizabeth walked out to the pool and received congratulations from Lee and Lionel. She sat down on the edge of the pool and dangled her feet in the water. Jack swam over with Gracie splashing in his arms and stood beside her.

"You look beautiful, babe" he said, reaching up to kiss her cheek. "Do you feel better now?"

"Much."

"I told you it would be okay" he said with a wink as he swam away.

"But you said you're already about ten weeks? That's past when you had the previous miscarriages?"

They were still sitting on the picnic blanket holding hands.

"Yes, but I think we should still keep it between us for at least a few more weeks."

"Whatever you want to do" Jack said as he ran his thumb over the back of her hand. "Thank you Beth for everything. I am truly blessed to have you as my wife."

Elizabeth smiled at him. "That goes both ways, Jack."

He leant in to her, kissing her slowly. "I love you, always, Elizabeth."

"I love you too."

They rose from the picnic blanket and picked up their things and headed back to the car. Once Elizabeth shut the boot, Jack held her hand, walking her to her door. Before she reached it though, he turned her and his hands grasped her hips gently.

"I just can't believe it. We're having another baby" he said as he ran his hands gently over her skin.

"It came as quite the shock didn't it?"

He leant in to kiss her gently before helping her into the car. She drove him back to the base and he leant over and kissed her on the cheek before returning to his own vehicle and while Elizabeth went to pick up their daughters, Jack headed home with one thing on his mind – to spoil his wife.