Ok so, Thomas is dickin' around on some line leading to a quarry…or some shit…and he comes across a cop sitting by the line, and I am already fucking amazed. Why, you ask? Because of the fact that Thomas is not only brave enough to approach the cop, but that he was willing to engage in witty conversation with him, too. Cops scare the shit out of me, and whenever I see one when I'm driving, I have a mental breakdown because I can't stand the uncertainty and humiliation of possibly getting pulled over and arrested.

The fact that Thomas didn't even flinch as soon as the cop made eye contact with him only reiterates the fact that he just doesn't give a shit…and I just wish I could do the same.

Anyway, Thomas is like, "Hey, Dude! Have you popped that giant zit on your ass yet? …Wait, you're not Mark…"

And the cop's like, "Uh, no, I'm not. Mark died. I'm his replacement."

"Oh, well, that's…terrible, I guess."

"I don't believe you, and I sure as hell don't like your tone. You should know better than to be more polite to a commanding officer."

"What do you mean? I didn't say anything remotely offensive!"

"Doesn't matter! I'm in charge here, so shut the fuck up before I send your ass back into poverty, where it belongs."

"Dude, you may be a cop, but I could literally crush you if I wanted to. I don't give a shit about what you want, or what you think of me. So just, ya know…suck a dick."

"Oh, yeah? Well, get this, you dumb whore! I can throw you in jail right now because you're not wearing a cow catcher or side plates, which makes you hazardous to the public!"

And Tommy's driver's all, "Um, we've been through here a shit-ton of times, and literally no one has given a fuck about safety."

"And that's what makes it worse. Bend over, bitches!"

Meanwhile, Sir Fatness is havin' some breakfast, and the butler's like, "Hey, Boss? Someone's on the phone, says they wanna talk to you about one of your engines."

And Sir Big Smoke's like, "Goddamn it. This better not be Gordon's parole officer again."

So then, he meets up with the cop, and they ultimately have a screeching match about who's right and who's wrong, and Sir Fatness gets so tired from arguing that he gets a migraine.

And he's like, "Why am I even here? Trying to argue with a cop is like trying to out-troll someone on 4chan."

Now, I know I've already sucked Thomas' dick too much when it came to his bravery towards police, but I've gotta switch over to Sir Topham's for a sec. It makes a little more sense for Thomas to talk so casually with an officer because he's a dickhead with very little to lose, but this isn't the case with Topham. If he fucks up enough with the law, he could literally lose an entire railway and all the engines on it. He risks losing a lot of money, as well as putting his engines' lives at stake of being sent somewhere worse.

And it's at this moment that I can't tell if Topham just doesn't care like Thomas, or if he actually cares too much. Like, if you were Topham here yelling at a cop over something as stupid as an engine not being safe enough out on a country line, would you be getting up in their face, too? No, you wouldn't because you'd probably only see these retarded engines as nothing but pawns. But not The Controller. He sees them as something so much more meaningful and—dare I say it—useful: First-class whores.

But enough of that gay shit.

The cop's like, "I don't care if you don't care that people don't care about their own safety. The law requires that all engines wear cow catchers and side plates, and if you don't have them installed on all of yours right now, I'm getting my fluffy cuffs out."

And Tommy's like, "But I can't wear that shit! I'll look like a giant faggot!"

And Sir Biggy's like, "Thomas, you're a genius! If the law says we need a faggot on the line, then that's exactly what we'll get."

So, The Fat Guy e-mails the manager of the engine from the last episode, and KA-BLAM! Toby the tram engine is now part of the harem!