(17/7/2019)

CHAPTER 73

Jack had been worried about Elizabeth for weeks now. Between the pregnancy and the incident, he was watching her fade away. Not only was she not eating much, but she was also keeping everything close to her chest. She wasn't particularly affectionate and Jack had even noticed that she didn't sit and cuddle the girls anymore like she used to. Not to mention the affection in the bedroom had all but disappeared.

Jack couldn't understand how the hostage situation had led to this gradual change but he could only assume that Elizabeth was feeling guilty or blaming herself for some aspect of the incident. She was nowhere near as happy anymore and Jack could see that she was getting worse. He thought the nightmares would subside after the trial was settled but they were still present almost every single night and he knew now not to touch her when she woke but merely be there to talk if she needed to, which she was doing less and less of.

One Sunday evening, Jack tried to break through Elizabeth's shell. The girls were all in bed and he had finished cleaning up the kitchen. He made his way upstairs to find Elizabeth reading a book on their bed. After closing their bedroom door behind him, Jack sat down beside her.

"Hey babe."

"Hi."

Elizabeth barely lifted her eyes from the pages in front of her.

"I'm going for a shower. Have you been yet?"

"No."

"Come with me."

"Um …" Elizabeth replied uncertainly.

Jack took the book out of her hands and placed it on the side table, making sure the page she was up to stayed open. He took her hand and stood up.

"Come on. Come with me."

"Jack, I don't –"

Jack tugged her by the hand forcing her to stand and before she could react, he pulled her toward the bathroom. He turned the water on and turned back to see her appearing nervous and fidgety. Jack reached for her waist, tugging her closer to him. His hands went to the hem of her jumper and pulled it over her head slowly. The tank top she had on underneath hugged her figure, the shirt stretched across her ever-growing belly. Jack only then realised he hadn't seen her like this in weeks. His hands reached for her, his large palms pressing gently on either side of her belly.

"Look at you, Beth. You've been hiding this from me" he said, trying to keep a tone of humour in his voice.

"No, of course not." Her bright blue eyes flitted from side to side, avoiding his.

"You've gotten so much bigger though."

Jack helped pull her tank top off and then he could see her in the flesh. Her sweats hung low on her hips below her bump, while her bump now sat forward. Her breasts spilled out of her bra and Jack's eyes roamed over her appreciatively.

"Stop looking at me like that" she said before she crossed her arms over her front.

"Like what?" Jack asked slowly, unsure of what he was doing wrong.

"Like that" she snapped, turning away from him.

"Elizabeth, you're my wife and the mother of my children. What am I doing wrong?" he said as he put his hands gently on her shoulders, trying to get her to turn back to look at him.

"I don't know" she said with a shaky voice and Jack could tell that she was upset again.

"I didn't mean to upset you. Only a month or so ago, you wouldn't have been upset with my attention. I just can't seem to do it right now. I –"

"Don't worry about it, Jack."

With that Elizabeth grabbed her jumper off the floor and fled from the bathroom. Jack didn't know whether to follow or not but assuming she needed some space he showered on his own and by the time he came out of the bathroom, Elizabeth was either asleep or pretending to be, her not-so-steady breathing indicating the latter.

At work the following day, Jack's first stop after his morning training was to see Frank for a pre-scheduled appointment. Before Frank could even get started though, Jack was already rattling off about his concern for his wife.

"So can you see her Frank? If I can get her to agree to come?"

"I'm sure we can arrange something. Technically she could have been coming to see me after your accident anyway so we can say that it was just delayed acceptance."

"Would Henry mind?"

"No one is going to care. A lot of officers were involved in the rescue operation anyway and a vast majority of them have had children that have passed through or are currently going to the school."

"Okay, that would be a huge weight off my shoulders. I am so worried about her right now."

"Well, how about you try and talk her into it and give her my details?"

"That's a great idea Frank."

Jack thought about it for the rest of the day and on his drive home. He knew Elizabeth wouldn't go willingly. After dinner that night, when the girls were all in bed, he tried to bring it up cautiously. They were sitting together on the couch downstairs watching a show on tv when an ad came on. Surprisingly, Elizabeth had let him hold her hand. After the previous night, Jack was happy to take what he could get.

"I went to see Frank again today."

"Oh yeah. How was it?"

"Good, but I ended up mainly talking about you."

Elizabeth stiffened and pulled away from him slightly to look across at him.

"Me? What about me? The babies?"

"No. You and the incident."

Elizabeth sat back again, not looking at him.

"You like Frank, don't you?" Jack asked.

"Yes, he's nice."

"Would you go and have a chat with him? I will come with you if you want."

Elizabeth was quiet for a while. "I don't want to."

"Please? Just think about it."

She hesitated again. "Maybe."

"That's okay. I understand."

Elizabeth nodded slowly. Jack leant in and kissed her cheek, his hand squeezing hers tightly. She let him do that for a few short minutes before she stood up and left the room after saying a quick goodnight.

Elizabeth knew she was being hard on Jack but when she fell asleep at night her mind would drift back to that day at school. She had woken many times in the night terrified to find an arm around her, not realising immediately it was Jack hugging her, not that man restraining her. At first, she could still isolate those feelings at night, but now they seemed to be infiltrating her thoughts in the daytime too.

The hardest part was that she missed being with Jack. Being able to hug him and be settled by him but now his touch just led to a rise in her blood pressure and stress levels. After Jack's incident, they had finally made it to the point where they were both comfortable with each other only to have it unravelling before her eyes and she felt helpless.

As she got ready for bed that night, she had decided. She would go to see Frank. After all he had helped Jack a lot and she was sure a lot of his progress was due to Frank's therapy. If Frank could do that, then he could help Elizabeth too before it was too late.

On Friday, Elizabeth drove to the military base after dropping the girls at school for her appointment with Frank. She had decided not to tell Jack because she didn't want him to worry and also she figured it would take a few sessions to help get her back on track and she didn't want to disappoint him either.

Frank welcomed her like a long lost friend and immediately she felt content being in his presence.

"So why have you decided to come and see me today, Elizabeth?"

"Well, I've been having issues since I was involved in that hostage situation."

"What type of issues?"

"It started with the nightmares and now I'm just struggling with people touching me, including Jack and my kids. I know it's stupid but I'm just …"

"I understand. It's a form of PTS or post traumatic stress."

"Can you help?"

"I can try."

The two chatted for the next hour about how Elizabeth is handling the situation as well as her relationships with family.

"Ultimately, I think deep down you blame yourself for some aspects of the incident. You need to deal with this first and the rest will follow. Jack is there for you too and you need to explain to him how you are feeling. He will understand but you can't block him out. That's not good for either of you."

Elizabeth nodded. "I know. He was just disappointed with me after the trial because I hadn't told him a lot and then I had to under oath."

"Yes, but he wouldn't have been disappointed in you specifically or anything you did. He would have been disappointed about what you went through and the fact that he wasn't there to protect you."

Elizabeth knew Frank was right.

"How about you practice what we spoke about and I'll see you again next week? I'm here whenever you need to talk, Elizabeth."

"Thanks Frank."

Elizabeth walked out of the appointment feeling somewhat lighter than she did going in. Now to put Frank's suggestions into practice.

Jack walked in the door on Friday night to find chaos. Grace came flying up to him and threw herself into his arms.

"Daddy! It's movie night!"

"Okay … what does that mean exactly?" he asked curiously, not recalling this happening … ever.

Grace rolled her eyes at him. "Silly Daddy. It means pizza and ice-cream in front of the tv."

Sure enough when Jack walked into the kitchen he found Halley and Elizabeth busy in the kitchen making homemade pizzas.

"What's this I hear about movie night?" Jack asked as he put Grace down.

"Oh good, you're home. Pizza will be ready in ten minutes."

Jack walked behind Elizabeth and kissed her on the cheek. "What can I do?"

"Just get the plates and set them up on the coffee table with some drinks."

"Alright, I'm on it."

Fifteen minutes later, the girls were set up around the coffee table with their pizza as the opening credits began on the new Moana movie. Jack sat down on the couch next to Elizabeth, his own plate in hand.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brought this on?" he whispered to Elizabeth.

"I saw Frank today."

Jack looked at her in surprise. "You didn't mention you had an appointment."

"I know. I didn't want to let you down."

"Beth … how are you letting me down?"

Elizabeth avoided his eyes as she answered, her chin dropping so she was almost looking at her feet.

"I know I've been a bit absent since the incident but I spoke to Frank and he explained everything I've been experiencing is perfectly normal."

"Yes, I agree with him."

"And I know things have been … weird between us I guess but he has given me some things to work on and I think they will help."

"Beth, it's not weird. It's different and I'm trying to give you the space you need the same as what you did for me."

"I know. With everything we've been through over the last six months I feel like it's all changing again for the worse so I'm going to try harder."

"Just take your time. We'll get there. But I am glad you're talking to Frank. He's really good."

"He is."

"Ssssh" Eve said giving them a glare from her spot on the carpet.

Elizabeth kept a straight face until she turned back to the tv before she began giggling.

"She looks so much like you when she's angry" Elizabeth whispered.

"What?!" Jack said looking back at Eve.

"Yes. She looks all stern but her eyes sparkle like yours do."

"Gee. Thanks."

Elizabeth laughed again before she got another stern look from Eve. They sat there quietly eating their dinner and enjoying the movie as a family.

Christmas quickly snuck up on the Thornton family and before long it was only a week to go. As they sat down at the breakfast table early on the Saturday morning before Christmas, Elizabeth let out a groan.

Jack placed a hot chocolate in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"What's wrong, babe?"

Elizabeth looked at the list in front of her.

"I still have so much to do before Christmas. I normally have the presents bought and wrapped by the end of November and this year I still haven't bought half of them. Then I still have to organise all of the food and drinks."

"Well, give me a list and we can share the load. We can sort out all the presents today and do the food tomorrow."

Jack took the seat opposite her where his cup of coffee was already waiting.

"It's not that easy. I'm not even sure about what to get most of the people on the list yet. Like your mother" Elizabeth groaned again. "The hardest person to buy for in the world. Closely followed by my dad of course."

"It can't be that difficult" Jack stated with certainty.

Elizabeth looked at him as if he had two heads. "I forgot you probably don't remember this, do you?"

Jack smiled at her sheepishly. "Nope."

"How about you look after Grace and Eve today and I will drag Halley along with me. She is a really good shopper … which is normally a concern for me but right now I don't care and I would appreciate her talents."

Jack laughed but realised Elizabeth wasn't laughing. "Oh. You were serious?"

"Yes."

Jack swallowed his laughter. "Okay then. Do you have a starting list for the food you want? I could at least start that part for you."

Elizabeth nodded, then started devising a list for Jack of the frozen food and drinks that he could organise for her. She was careful to make it very specific to avoid any confusion. Instead of putting a simple "turkey", she wrote "Frozen Cleaned Turkey". When she'd finished the list of approximately thirty items, she handed it over to Jack.

"Okay, check it and make sure you know what everything is."

Jack began to read the list before she saw him roll his eyes.

"What?"

"Was that really necessary?" he asked in an exasperated tone.

"What?"

"Did you really think I would bring home a live turkey?"

"It's a possibility."

Jack continued to read before he put the list down and very nearly glared at his wife.

"2L carton of pasteurised milk? Really?"

"Just making sure you didn't know of a farm that sells milk by the pail full."

"Who does?"

"I don't know. I'm just being clear."

Jack finished the list before slapping it back down.

"I think that last one is going a bit too far."

"What? Why?"

Elizabeth had written down some pigs ears as a treat for Rip over Christmas.

"I will quote: 'Dried pig ears packet - not cut off pig'. Come on."

"You never know. You did grow up on a farm – I wasn't leaving anything to chance."

"I made one mistake ages ago!"

"Oh, it was more than one! It was three dogs remember!" Elizabeth laughed and before Jack knew it he was laughing along with her.

Elizabeth and Halley flew through the mall buying up the remainder of the presents Elizabeth had on the list. Halley had been amazing in the toy store, finishing up all the gifts for the cousins and Rosie's boys. They had gone into a jewellery store empty handed and walked out with some earrings that Viola had wanted, along with something for Rosie, Julie and Abigail.

They had a break in a cafe for some lunch and were sitting down reassessing their list when they were interrupted.

"Elizabeth?" said a voice behind her.

Elizabeth turned to see Cassie standing their cautiously. They had only briefly spoken on the phone weeks ago but since Elizabeth hadn't returned to work, it wasn't necessary for them to speak as often as before.

"Hi Cassie."

"I've been wanting to call and see how you were going, but I also didn't want to remind you of everything."

"That's okay. I understand. How is the class going?"

"They're going okay but they miss you terribly. They're always asking when you might be able to come in for a visit."

"I just don't know if I can yet."

"That's okay. Just when you're ready."

Elizabeth nodded.

"I don't know if you heard but he got ten years."

Elizabeth had heard. The lawyer had phoned and spoken to Jack and he had mentioned it to her.

"I'm glad. At least you and Bailey will be safe for a while now hopefully."

"He's not allowed to come near him, even if he gets out. I know this doesn't mean much after what you went through but you saved both me and Bailey. I don't know what would have happened if I had been there as planned that day but I know in my heart, that I wouldn't be here now. So I just want to say thankyou and I'm so sorry you got caught in the middle of it."

Elizabeth didn't know what to say, so with tears in her eyes she just nodded her acknowledgement of Cassie's words.

"I best go and leave you two to your shopping. I'll see you soon, Elizabeth. Bye Halley."

"Bye Cassie."

A few minutes after Cassie left, Halley reached over and took her mother's hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yes" Elizabeth said quietly, forcing a smile.

"Do you want to go home?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "No, we have presents to buy. Who have we got left on the list?" she asked, handing the list and pen to Halley.

Halley immediately ran her eye down the list, crossing off the people that they had finished buying for that morning.

"Just Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa and Diane."

"Alright. Have you got any ideas for any of them?"

"Only Daddy. He said the other day that he wished he could remember how to grill better. Maybe we can find something to help him with that."

Elizabeth smiled at Halley. "That's a great idea, Halley. What about Grandma? She seems to like doing gardening now."

"Yes, she started that herb and vegetable garden. I think everything died though because she forgot to water it."

"Maybe we should find something that is self-watering then."

Halley beamed at her. "That's a good idea."

"Alright, let's get going. Hopefully we can finish all of this today."

Halley helped pick up the bags and they walked back out into the mall.