Chapter Five

Daniel watched Vala as she piloted the ship with confident ease. He felt a burst of admiration bubble in his chest as he looked at the uniquely gifted woman in front of him and wondered again at her ability to turn her hand to almost anything and particularly her amazing skill at being able to fly just about any kind of space vehicle. Sometimes he was amazed that she was even interested in him but for some reason she was and for that he was very glad. He was hit by an overwhelming need to be close to her, to touch her, and rose from where he'd been sitting in the co-pilot's chair to stand behind her with his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him and raised her eyebrows inquiringly.

"Hey. Just wanted to tell you I think you're amazing," he said softly.

"Thanks," Vala said sounding surprised.

Daniel realised that she was actually blushing at the compliment and smiled at her confusion. He bent down and kissed her tenderly.

"What was that for?" Vala asked a little breathlessly when he pulled away.

"Just because I love you," Daniel said.

Vala's eyes filled with tears, which she blinked away hurriedly, and pretended she needed to look at something on the console.

"How long will it take to get to Qetesh's Base?"

"At top speed, about three hours in total," Vala said. "Two hours of mind-numbing boredom then an hour of watching out just in case any of Ba'al's ships are around…You should have brought a book." She looked up at him with a smirk. "I bet you did bring a book, didn't you?...Although, I could suggest something else we could do to pass the time."

Daniel was visited by a flash of understanding: Vala had only made that suggestion because she didn't think he'd take her up on it. What would she do if he suggested they got a little closer? He ran a hand up from her shoulder to her neck, stopping at her nape just under her hair and caressed her gently. She sighed heavily.

"Vala? You okay?"

"Mmm. That feels good, Daniel…too good…you'd better stop doing that or you might regret it."

Daniel's hand stilled but he didn't remove it. Instead he kissed her cheek then whispered in her ear, "Come and sit with me…if this ship has an autopilot, that is."

Vala's hands trembled as she ran them over the controls and she pressed a few buttons before Daniel could change his mind. "The autopilot's on. It'll alert us if the sensors pick up any ships nearby." She looked at Daniel uncertainly, waiting for him to make the first move.

He moved away and sat back down in his chair. "Come over here."

Slowly, Vala crossed the space between them. She was afraid to do anything that would make Daniel uncomfortable. She bit her lip nervously as he pulled her down onto his lap. Slowly, with infinite tenderness, he cupped her face with one hand while the other took up position at her nape and drew her mouth slowly towards his. Vala's arms went around him and drew him as close as the limited space would allow.

They explored each other's mouths for a few minutes then drew apart. Daniel brushed the hair back from Vala's face and said softly, "You are so beautiful, Vala."

Vala blushed then gave him a slightly cheeky look. "I'm glad you've finally noticed."

Daniel ran a finger down her face as he said, "Oh I noticed. I noticed a long time ago."

"I know I've asked this before but why are we still not acting on our mutual attraction?"

Daniel's blue eyes looked at her intently. "I know you think I'm a freak but I love you, Vala, and to me it's important to really know you. I want us to be intimate…"

Vala smiled and bent to kiss him.

"…but to me that means emotionally as well as physically," Daniel finished.

Vala's face dropped. "Oh…I don't know if…what does that mean exactly?"

"It means taking our friendship to a deeper level as well as getting physically close. I think we've both had problems with trusting other people because of our past experiences. For me it's not just about losing Sha're…Losing my parents at such a young age and the foster homes not working out…not being wanted…Well, you know, I had trouble finding a place where I belonged…a place with people I could trust not to abandon me."

Vala looked surprised. "I knew you'd lost your parents but I didn't know about the other stuff. You've always seemed so sure of yourself, so secure at the SGC."

Daniel shook his head. "If you'd known me a few years ago, you'd have seen a different me…I think I only really felt I belonged when I came back from being ascended. That's when everything really clicked for me: that's when I knew I was doing something important with people I could really trust."

"Oh…I think I understand what you're saying now." She looked at him and bit her lip.

"What?"

Vala hesitated then went ahead with what was burning in her heart. "When Tomin was here…just before he left, I mean…I told him I didn't belong with him…that I hoped I belonged at the SGC…belonged with you, really, that's what I meant…"

"I'm glad you told me that." Daniels' voice was filled with relief. "I did wonder but I didn't feel I could ask then…but now I'm beginning to feel I can ask you anything…and I can tell you anything. Things I haven't told anyone else."

"Why me?" The question escaped Vala's lips, as the thought flashed across her mind that she didn't deserve the honesty and total intimacy this man was offering her.

Daniel's lips brushed hers, reassuring her physically before he reassured her with words. "I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, that's why."

Vala swallowed. "You do? You seem so…sure."

"Yes, I'm sure." Daniel's blue eyes pierced hers. He needed to know how she felt about him. "Do you see me in your future, Vala?"

Vala squirmed a little and looked down. Daniel waited: he knew she wasn't saying no but it was just that any emotional revelation from Vala was going to take time to come out. She was so terrified of being hurt. He pulled her into an embrace so that her head was on his shoulder.

"I've never dared to think about the future, Daniel," she finally admitted. "But with you I think I might be able to."

The relief Daniel felt at her words was palpable. He had been right then: Vala did want to be with him long-term. Even though he had hoped it was true, it was nice to hear the words. Vala heard him sigh and wanted to reassure him.

"I love you, Daniel…You do believe that, don't you?"

He nodded.

"It's just I don't know how to do things the way you want…how to go slow, I mean…It was never worth trying before."

Daniel felt his heart fill with love for her. She thought he was worth trying for. Maybe he needed to compromise a little: she was trying so hard to stick to his rules, perhaps he needed to give a little in return.

"Thank you for even trying," he said. "I want you to know it means a lot to me…but I am sorry if my wanting to take things slowly means I've kept you at arms-length when I shouldn't have."

Vala sighed. "I understand that it's difficult at work…that you don't want to…get carried away…in case someone gets embarrassed or the powers that be decide to split us up…"

"Well, yes, there's that…but I've realised I've hardly touched you since we started going out and that's wrong. When we were just friends, I used to touch you or hug you whenever you needed it. I don't know why I haven't allowed myself to continue doing that."

Vala lifted her head and looked at him. She wanted to be honest with him but was unsure of herself, how to make sure he didn't misunderstand her. "I've missed that…Those little hugs…those little touches."

"Sorry, I'll do better at caring for you from now on, I promise," Daniel said.

Vala's eyes filled with tears and Daniel touched her face and asked with concern, "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Vala shook her head and whispered, "What do you see in me? I'm not sure I can offer you what you deserve?"

Daniel's eyes grew dark with emotion. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met…You know you make me happy, don't you?...For the first time, in a long time, I am happy and that's because a wonderful, exciting, beautiful…sometimes scary!…woman has come in to my life and for some strange reason says she loves me!"

Vala found herself unable to reply so instead she pulled him close and tried to show him with her lips just how much she loved him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Vala? Honey? Where'd you go?" Daniel reached across and touched her arm to get her attention. She was staring ahead at nothing and hadn't answered the question he'd just asked her.

She shook herself and turned to give him her attention. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"Where'd you go? You were miles away." He looked at her with concern. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Vala said, even though it wasn't quite true. Then, with the honesty she knew Daniel deserved, she added, "I just keep getting these memory flashes."

Daniel frowned. "How often has that been happening?"

Vala shrugged uncomfortably. "Once a day maybe…since we went to Banyk'tel."

"Did you tell Dr Lam that when you saw her?"

Vala shrugged again.

Daniel sighed. "What was this memory flash about?"

"Qetesh…not a particularly bad memory though."

"You sure? You don't have to pretend with me."

Vala smiled at him and said quietly, "Yes…I know…I was just remembering the priest and his family at Banyk'tel. I think Qetesh had a soft spot for them."

Daniel blinked his surprise. "What defines a Goa'uld soft spot, for heaven's sake?"

"Well, I don't remember her ever causing them suffering…I think she actually…liked them…I think I did too." Vala's gaze went into the middle distance as she started remembering again. "They had a daughter who used to sing…her singing used to calm Qetesh…gave me some peace for a few brief moments…When I saw the bodies, I…Damn."

Vala wiped away a tear that had appeared and trickled down her face and got busy at the console. Daniel thought about Vala's admission as she pressed a few buttons to adjust their course. When she was done, he asked, "Do you think that's why going to Banyk'tel upset you so much? Because you remembered that little girl?"

"Maybe. But I've seen so many deaths, so many bodies, why should this particular one affect me so much?"

"She touched you, Vala, during a time in your life when you weren't in control of your own body," Daniel offered a theory. "Maybe those brief times when she was singing were the only times you got to be you."

Another tear rolled down her face. "She was so sweet…oh Daniel. How could anyone have done that to children?"

Vala covered her face with her hands and began to cry. He had seen Vala shed the odd tear but he had never seen or heard her really cry before and it both upset him and gave him a sense of relief. If Vala could cry, could grieve, maybe she could get over this trauma. He crossed the space between them and turned her chair to the side so he could kneel in front of her and hold her in his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed. He held her tight and didn't let go until the wave of grief had ridden itself out.

After a while, Daniel said, "I wanted to suggest something…I wondered if you'd like to visit with Pameena and Mykah before we go back to Earth? We could take a couple of days off and you could catch up with them. Seems a shame for you to come all this way and not take the opportunity to catch up with old friends."

"I think I'd like that," Vala said. "Would you mind?"

"No, I'd like to get to know them. They've been important to you…Do you think they'd mind if I hung around too?"

"No, they'd be pleased to get to know you and...I'd like it if you hung around."

Daniel's heart was warmed by her words. "Good. That's settled then…Now, is it okay if I get off the floor? My knees are cold!"

Vala gave Daniel a quick hug then released him. "Glad it's only cold knees, not cold toes."

"I think you mean cold feet…and you don't have to worry, my feet are nice and warm, thank you."

Vala turned her attention to the readouts on the console. "We'd better start paying attention. We're not long out from the base."

After a few minutes of scanning the view-screen in front of them, Daniel said, "So far, so good. No Goa'uld ships in sight. Hopefully, you're right and the place is abandoned."

"I'll fly in closer. See if it all looks clear and try to remember the lay of the land."

As they dropped down through the atmosphere and came out below thick clouds, Daniel asked, "Is that snow down there?"

Vala stared at the screen. "Oh, I'd forgotten it gets quite cold here in the winter."

"We'll have to park close. We haven't got our artic gear with us and I, for one, don't fancy walking too far in the snow."

"I'll see how close I can get."

Vala manoeuvred the ship down lower so that it was flying just yards above the few trees that were scattered across the landscape and then up over the complex walls and across to the other side. She lowered the ship carefully down between the complex walls and a small hill that she hoped would offer protection from the wind and prying eyes.

"Was that a temple down there?" Daniel asked.

Vala nodded. "Yes. Even out here in what was essentially a military compound, Qetesh couldn't pass up the chance for some adulation. She had it built almost as soon as the complex was finished and transported a little band of worshippers to keep it in preparation at all times. Nice little ego boost every time she visited."

"Ah, the Goa'uld and their egos. It's the one constant in the universe," Daniel said, trying to keep the mood light. He could tell that Vala was getting anxious. He hoped that the place was truly abandoned and that they wouldn't find more bodies. He wasn't sure either of them could take seeing any more needless death.

The two of them went to get their gear. Daniel dragged an extra t-shirt on before he put his jacket on. He hated being cold. He placed his gun in his jacket pocket just as a pre-caution. The requisite emergency first-aid kit was in a smaller bag which he threw over his shoulders, hoping they wouldn't need to make use of it.

"Ready?" Vala asked.

Daniel nodded and Vala opened the hatch. A blast of cold air rushed in, making them shiver. They exited quickly and Vala closed the door before hitting a switch on the remote cloaking device. Just as a precaution, in case of trouble. Not that she was expecting any. The place looked deserted.

They walked with their heads down to keep the worst of the wind and snow off their faces. It was a relief when they got inside the complex walls and Vala took them into the temple. They wriggled their numb fingers to get some warmth into them before turning on their torches and looking around. There was a huge image of Qetesh at one end and the gaudy decoration of the pillars and walls seemed to be mostly intact. Daniel noted evidence of a few staff blasts but was relieved when they found no bodies.

Vala walked through an archway to the next door building, which was more military looking in nature. Vala had told him that the main complex was on four levels, munitions on the ground floor, training hall on the second, kitchens on the third and Qetesh's private quarters on the fourth. They gave each room a cursory glance as they made their way to the furthest corner of the ground floor: each room was empty, stripped of any useful ordinance.

When they reached the furthest point, Vala pointed her torch at the wall and lit up the control panel for a ring platform. The buttons were still glowing, indicating that power was still available and that they were working. When he shone his torch down on the floor, he saw marks for the smallest set of rings he had ever seen. It would only hold two people at a squeeze.

"This will take us up to Qetesh's private chamber," Vala said, voice barely above a whisper. "I'll go first to check the controls the other end are still working then you can come up."

"I think I should go with you," Daniel protested, not liking the idea of Vala entering into possible danger alone.

"Don't be silly, Daniel. You won't know where to find the control panel. I know exactly where it will be."

"What if it isn't working? What then?"

"If it's not working, I'll let you know. There is another way down. I won't be trapped up there. I just think it would be sensible for one of us to hang back."

"Oh, all right but be careful…please."

Vala stepped into the circular mark on the floor. She held her gun and her torch at the ready then nodded for Daniel to press the control buttons. With a whooshing noise, she was enveloped by a set of rings and disappeared from sight.