A/N: Hey guys, thank you so much for all the support. I really appreciate it, but finding time to write has become incredibly hard as of late! That doesn't mean I won't finish the story, though :p Updates will be slower, but we are about halfway through the story so keep reading!

"What's wrong?" She asked softly. They locked eyes for a few seconds before Shouta took a deep breath.

"I need to tell you something."

Chapter 11

"I really don't know where to start," Shouta started off nervously, "I mean, it's not that hard, but I just can't-" Sawako cut him off, before he started to ramble.

"Take a deep breath, Shouta." She advised him. He had developed a tendency to hyperventilate in their late teenage years, and Sawako always watched out for the signs. When he had calmed down somewhat, he continued. He looked incredibly nervous and there was a hint of embarrassment on his face, Sawako noted.

"At dinner last night, Ryu and I were teasing Pin in front of Mai-chan, and we might have overdone it. He got really upset." Shouta was staring down at his feet. He was afraid Sawako would be disappointed with him, even if he did deserve it. He was ashamed of his behavior the previous night. He was supposed to be an adult for crying out loud!

"What did you say to him?" Sawako asked. She knew for a fact that the bond between the three males was pretty sturdy, so for Pin to actually get upset, they must have said something mean or something he didn't want his fiancée to know.

"We told Mai-chan some of the embarrassing things he had done when we were in school and I really don't know what set him off." Shouta looked up at the stars. It really was getting chilly, and he was looking forward to his trip with Sawako, where it would warmer. They had discussed going to Okinawa and both agreed it would be nice to relax at a resort for a few days.

"When you put it like that, he could have found anything extra embarrassing, since Mai-chan was there. I still get embarrassed over a few things in front of you." Sawako explained him. Shouta could see her point, but he still couldn't figure out what he had said to upset Pin. Now that he thought about it, Pin had been a little quiet during dinner - before they started arguing, of course.

"That's not all…" He swallowed nervously and gripped his wife's hand tighter. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, he was interrupted.

"Shouta! Sawako-chan! Are you ready to go home yet? Your grandmother must be tired." Shouta's mother opened the door and stepped outside. Conversation with her mother-in-law had been pleasant all evening, which was a rare occurrence, but it was getting late and she needed to rest.

"We are ready." Sawako replied and Shouta's mother went back inside. She looked at him, prompting him to continue from where he let off.

"We can talk later." Shouta told his wife. In reality, he was just putting it off. There had been something on his mind for a few weeks, and he needed to discuss it with her. Sawako nodded and led the way back inside. Shouta took this as an opportunity to study her. She used to be clumsy when they were younger, but had grown to be quite graceful, which he admired about her.

"How far away is your apartment?" Shouta was snapped out of his thoughts by his grandmother standing in front of him by the door.

"Our house is only ten minutes away." He practically sneered at her. Sawako's eyes widened and she looked at him in astonishment. He had been completely fine just a few minutes earlier. His grandmother just raised a brow at him and waited, like it was something she was used to.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Shouta apologized after a few seconds of silence. He could feel Sawako's eyes on him and he felt worse by the second. His current situation was making him lash out and worrying Sawako.

"Apology accepted. Lead the way then." His grandmother nodded. He took a deep breath and opened the door before mumbling a goodbye to his parents. Sawako followed him along with his grandmother, who started inquiring about her job.

"When did you start teaching, Sawako?" She asked the noirette as they walked.

"Just three years ago. Before that, I was only an assistant at a local cram school owned by a friend of mine's family." Sawako explained to her. It had been hard to decide what to do with her career. She had been offered a lot of positions, because of her good grades, but it took her a while to realize that she was best suited for teaching younger people.

"Have you always wanted to become a teacher?" Shouta's grandmother asked. Most of her family worked in the business sector, one way or another, and she was genuinely curious as to why Sawako loved teaching.

"When we were in high school, Shouta and my friends were actually the ones who made me realize that I could relay things to others rather well. One of my teachers was also a big inspiration to me." Her ability to understand concepts and her passion for learning had been the deciding factors when she applied for university.

"I see. And that is why you teach the younger ones?" Sawako paused for a second. it had always felt natural to explain children things, but now that she thought about it, there was one thing in particular that she loved about her students.

"There are a couple of reasons, actually. As a teacher, I get to shape some part of the students' perspectives, while still letting them form their own opinions and follow their own logic, but the look of pure joy on their faces when they figure something out, is what I love the most." Sawako smiled fondly at the thought of her students. They were all so talented and eager to learn.

"That's… very inspiring." The corners of grandmother's lips lifted slightly. Her son's daughter-in-law was a kind, compassionate and caring person. She would surely bring joy to her family. Looking over at her grandson, who walked a couple of steps in front of the two females, she could already see how big an impact Sawako had had on his life.

"Thank you." Sawako felt a little embarrassed telling her. It was only September, but it had started getting chilly in the evenings. Fortunately, they were almost home and Sawako couldn't wait to take a hot shower and go to bed. She still had a couple of things she needed to do, though.

"Make yourself at home." Shouta called over his shoulder as he unlocked the front door and held it open for his wife and grandmother. The two women stepped inside and he followed suit. Sawako, after taking their coats, immediately showed grandmother around.

"Your home is lovely." She smiled warmly at Sawako. Every room was furnished nicely and there was just the right amount of décor. It had a nice, welcoming touch.

Shouta had been standing off to the side, while Sawako gave his grandmother a room tour. He felt like he was lying to the noirette. She had always been honest about what she felt and called him out whenever he did something wrong. He loved Sawako more than anything in the world, he knew she would listen to him without being judging and he had nothing to be afraid of.

'Except for disappointing her.' A little voice in his head whispered. The same voice that had made Shouta doubt himself as of late. Listening to her talk about her students so proudly had almost made him choke up. He could tell how all her students had a special spot in her heart, and it just made him think of how much she would love any child they would bring into the world.

The conflicting feelings appeared immediately. He felt like he didn't deserve Sawako, but at the same time, he wanted to give her all the happiness in the world. She deserved it. And even if they hadn't talked about it, he knew she wanted to have a child. He had seen the way she looked at women with their children, with such longing. It just made him feel worse that she only held herself back, because of him - because he was too scared to man up.

"You seem tired. Maybe you should go to bed?" His eyes snapped up and met the warm, brown ones he so dearly loved. He could see love, concern and himself in her eyes. She was always thinking about him, making him feel loved.

"Yeah." He bid his grandmother goodnight and headed upstairs. He decided that he would talk to her when she joined him. While waiting for her, he thought about what to say, but there was no easy way, he realized. It was around half an hour before Sawako actually showed up. When she closed their door behind her and leaned against it, Shouta felt his heart sink.

There was something about her expression that made him want to smack himself. The ever-present smile on her face was nowhere to be seen and her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes, showed no emotion. She was looking at the floor in his general direction, which made his stomach turn. He couldn't take seeing her look so… heartbroken. And he knew it was all because of him.

"Sawako?" His voice was barely a whisper. He wanted her to look at him, yell at him - anything that would make her respond. After a few moments, she glanced at him and back down at the floor.

"Chizu-chan just called. She told me what happened at dinner yesterday." Shouta turned cold. Everything he had planned to say disappeared from his mind, and he was left completely blank.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The hurt in her voice was too much for him to take and he felt his stomach tighten. He couldn't look her in the eye. He was too ashamed.

"How could I?" He sighed deeply and sat down on their bed.

"You punched Pin." Shouta felt her take a few steps forward. He still didn't dare looking at her.

"I'm sorry." He felt pathetic, ashamed and cowardly.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." Sawako was absolutely right. Shouta was in the wrong, and he had to make it up to Pin. Whether or not Pin would forgive him was a whole different matter.

"I know." He croaked as a few tears started blurring his vision. He felt Sawako take a deep breath and kneel in front of him. She wasn't angry, she was just sad that he felt he couldn't talk to her. It stung a little having to find out from Chizu, but Shouta had been trying to tell her all day, and Sawako knew how hard it was for him. She had to make him understand that he meant everything to her, and that she wanted to be with him through thick and thin.

"You've been so distant the past few days and I hardly ever know what you are thinking. We are supposed to be honest with each other, tell each other what's going on," Sawako put her hands on Shouta's knees, making him look up at her, "I love you, Shouta, and I'd never make you feel stupid for opening up, but I can't help you if I don't know what's on your mind. I want to help you, so please just tell me." Her earnestness hit him like a ton of bricks. He had been keeping things to himself. He had been so caught up in doubting himself that he had completely overlooked the fact that Sawako loved him unconditionally and would always listen to him. It was another couple of seconds, before he nodded and spoke up.

"…He asked if I was impotent." Shouta revealed. He had been angry and hurt when Pin joked about it and something inside him had just snapped. He had just reacted and punched Pin. Sawako studied his face for a few seconds, before it dawned on her.

"You've been thinking the same thing." Her eyes widened and she took his hands. Shouta nodded and looked away. It was quiet between them for about a minute, before Shouta let go of Sawako's hand and stood up. He walked closer to the window and looked outside, and Sawako stood up as well, moving closer to him.

"Everyone keeps asking me when we are having children, when they are going to be uncles, aunts or grandparents and it's driving me crazy! I'm expected to have a child when I'm still a child myself? How will I even manage? There are a million things you need to know before and after you become parents, and I feel like I'll never be good enough. What if we have a child and we can't provide for it? What if it feels unloved or that I'm a horrible father? What if I'll never be ready?" Tears were steadily rolling down his cheeks as he spoke. He felt like a weight was being removed from his chest now that he was able to share his insecurities with someone else. The nagging voice in his head had finally been shut up.

"How do you know we won't be able to provide or love our child? How could you ever be a bad father?" Sawako stood right behind him and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against his shoulder blade. She could feel his heart beat fast and tried to calm him.

"I'm selfish, I take things for granted and I quit easily. I haven't grown at all. I'm still a kid!" Shouta was nearly sobbing. His breathing was ragged and he had put his hands over his eyes in sheer frustration.

"…The fact that you've been thinking about all of this, shows that you are ready." Sawako spoke so calmly, Shouta thought he had imagined it.

"What..?" He slowly turned around, tears staining his face.

"You've matured so much over the years, Shouta. I've watched you grow into a great person and I couldn't be any prouder, but just like a butterfly, you can't see how beautiful your wings are. You've always worried about me and take care of me, and I know how much you will do for our children." Sawako reached a hand up and wiped away some of the salty droplets, "I'm not saying it was a good thing that you hit Pin, but maybe it was for the better. It made you open up and confide in me."

"What are you saying?" Shouta had taken her hands again and stood facing her.

"I think we are ready to become parents." Shouta grabbed hold of her and held her close. The relief that washed over Shouta was incredible and for a while, he forgot about all of his problems.

I feel like I kept repeating myself, but I would like to stress that Shouta is at a point in his life where he is struggling with his identity - not that it justifies his behaviour, but it might make it easier to understand what he's thinking. Until next time! (=w=)/