Sweet Torture
He had dreamed of it happening for years. Eons. Her sweet body pressing against him. Those harsh lonely nights in captivity. It shamed him to admit that fantasizing about being inside of her sustained him more then the thought of reuniting with his wife or meeting his child. Scarlett.
War, nor poverty , nor starvation had diminished her beauty. Was it just him or had she become more beautiful? The scarcity of food had taken away her soft, voluptuous curves. Her striking emerald eyes now took over her whole painfully thin face. Her lips, however , were still plump and perfect bows. Red and moist and as ripe as summer cherries . Her dark hair was now tinged gold. Hours of hard labor in the sun, often without a bonnet, had added wonderful coppery and bronze highlights to her raven locks. Ashley thought she looked like a goddess from a Botticelli painting whenever her hair would come loose. Which was often since hairpins and hairnets were practically nonexistent now. The sun had dappled her once perfect ivory skin with a delectable sprinkling of orangey speckles dusting the tip of her nose and cheeks. The reemergence of her childhood freckles the only remnant of the sweet playful young girl that she once was a very short while ago. The change in her was breathtaking. Ashley thought she was unerringly beautiful and earthy now.
So raw. So alive. And so passionate. Scarlett's every moment, every motion and every breath was passionate. Circumstances beyond her control had stripped away the physical and societal artifices that life before the war had demanded of her. Laying bare the flesh and blood woman underneath.
It had been so long. So long since he had experienced raw unadulterated passion. Had he ever? Perhaps the Christmas he was on furlough. That first night back in his sweet Melanie's arms came close. But what he remembered most from that trip home was the elicit kiss he shared with Scarlett.
Ashley was taken by surprise when Scarlett had thrown herself into his arms. Right in Aunt Pittypat's parlor where anyone could have discovered them. He knew he should have pushed her away as soon as her lips made contact with his. But he was powerless. A thrill had coursed through his entire body unlike anything he had ever felt before. It had been overwhelming. Her soft breasts had pressed against his new tunic. Melanie's Christmas present to him. Scarlett's arousing touch had immediately wiped his precious wife from his thoughts. The only thing on his duplicitous mind was how the siren in his arms was torturing him with her hot mouth and sensual body. Even he hadn't imagined that Scarlett would feel so incredible in his arms. Shame filled him now. He was ashamed that he had responded to her. Ashamed that he had kissed her back deeply and ferociously.
Ashley's mind began drifting back . He remembered how during the two years home after he had returned from his Grand Tour that he had spent many hours fantasizing about his gorgeous young neighbor Scarlett. So many times he had fought the urge to seduce her. She was so beautiful. It would have been heaven to sample her sweet virginal body. But Ashley knew that he could not pursue Scarlett. She was all wrong for him. He was promised to Melanie and he knew she would be a wonderfully suited mate for him.
Carnal desires mattered very little in regards to matrimony. Like had to marry like to have a successful union. If Melanie didn't excite him or take care of his needs properly Ashley would find comfort elsewhere. Proper gentleman made frequent use of whores. If after marriage Ashley had felt unsatisfied, by his wife, he could , discreetly, go and get his needs met. Respectable society would have accepted as much. Before the war. When well to do gentlemen could afford such things. But not now. If Ashley couldn't have his wife then he would be forced to lead a chaste existence. The only release acceptable was by his own hand. He knew he could never impose on his delicate wife the alternatives available when the traditional way of love making wasn't an option.
Melanie was so shy and modest. War ripped them away from each other before Ashley had the chance to thoroughly dismantle his young inexperienced bride's built in reserve. They were not given the luxury of a honeymoon trip. Melanie was denied the opportunity to slowly discover the sweet joy that the marital bed could hold.
The few nights they had spent in his childhood bedroom, at Twelve Oaks, had enabled Ashley and Melanie to consummate their marriage. He had tried to spend those few precious nights making Melanie comfortable. Her nervousness had made her body tense up so tightly that Ashley was concerned that he was hurting her terribly every time he entered her. The last evening before he left to join his regime when Ashley had initiated love making Melanie had quietly winced in pain.
His dear sweet wife had wanted to fulfill her duties as a married woman. When he asked her if he was hurting her Melanie was reluctant to reveal the truth. She finally admitted that maybe she was a little tender and swollen from their activities. So Ashley just held Melanie until she fell asleep. Then he slipped into his changing room and quietly relieved himself into one of his soiled night shirts. Only a few feet away from his peacefully sleeping angel of a wife Ashley had climaxed while imaging Scarlett being ravished from behind by his cousin Charles.
He groaned when he thought of how beautiful she must look with her skin flushed pink from love making. God how he envied Charles. Ashley knew he was beyond depraved when he found himself jealous of his dead young cousin. Jealous that Charles had kissed Scarlett's tempting lips. Jealous that Charles had stroked her fine skin. And jealous that Charles , and not he, had been inside of her glorious body.
Ashley wondered if Scarlett had dug her fingernails into Charles' flesh when he was thrusting inside of her? Was Scarlett as alive and exciting in the marital bed as she had been when she was riding or dancing? Ashley was sure that a person as free spirited as Scarlett would be a responsive and passionate lover. He cursed his base mind and body for being so undisciplined.
Melanie was still recovering from giving birth to little baby Beau. It had almost killed her. He knew that making love to her anytime soon was out of the question. And when they could safely resume relations the fear of impregnating Melanie would impede and hinder things. He would not endanger her. No matter how much his body craved and needed to be satisfied. Better to sneak off, alone at night, and take care of himself.
The problem with Ashley handling his own needs was that he couldn't control the arousing images that invaded his mind while he was in the act of self pleasure. No, unfortunately, it was not his wife's face and body that brought him to climax. He would start out thinking about finally being able to be inside of Melanie again. But as he would become aroused his traitorous mind would supply him with a steady stream of lewd and erotic images. And the subject of these images was always his tempting, beautiful, sister in law Scarlett. If only. If only he could control the inappropriate and lurid thoughts that flooded his mind as he sought his release.
Focusing on these matters caused Ashley's breath to quicken. His heartbeat increased. He could feel his pulse hammering. His manhood was now stiff and began to strain against his dirty thread bare trousers. The familiar surge of adrenaline coursed through him. Damn it. He thought. He was afraid of this. Afraid that his nocturnal obsession would infiltrate his thoughts during the day.
The vulgar thoughts going through Ashley's mind as he split the wood into rails were thoughts that no decent man should have. Especially a man like Ashley who had the most devoted and loving wife on the entire earth. He was reprehensible. The lowest form of scum. He should be man enough to do without. He was a fool to think he would be content with only images satisfying him. A fool to think he could escape his constant
burning need. Especially when the flesh and blood object of his fantasies was always achingly within his reach. Scarlett. A constant and ever present temptation.
As the hot Georgia sun beat down harshly on Ashley's skin he knew he was a man in trouble. As much as he berated and chastised himself Ashley was unable to prevent himself from contemplating ways in which he could have his way with Scarlett. His body forced his mind into the gutter.
Sweat dripped down into his face and stung his eyes. He swung the ax he was using and attacked the raw wood with increased force. He would cleanse his mind and purge his impure thoughts with physical exertion. A flash of Scarlett running to take shelter from the rain came to him. He recalled how he could see her erect nipples through her rain soaked cotton work dress. He cracked the steel blade harder and harder against the wood. Panting and sweating he licked his dry lips. He imagined how she would gasp in shock and pleasure if he were to nip and bite through the dirty wet fabric and suck one of her nipples into his eager mouth. Frustrated by the failure of his weak will Ashley swung the ax again. Harder and faster. He redoubled his efforts to empty his head.
Again and again he plunged his ax into the hunk of tree. Blow by blow he formed piece after piece of wood into useable planks. He soon established a steady rhythmic pattern to his swings. The repetitive nature of the task soothed Ashley's brain. He felt vindicated. He felt in control. Whack. Whack. Whack. He grunted and groaned and took out all of his frustrations as he splintered off more and more rails.
He felt like he was not only accomplishing a tedious and laborious task effectively, but that with it he was conquering and destroying the dark and sordid sexual desire that was plaguing him.
Ashley successfully splintered the last piece of useable wood from the tree leaving only the stump. He paused to take a breath and assess his work. He scanned the large heap of newly formed planks and was pleased. He finally had something tangible to show for all of his hard labor. He was satisfied that the new planks would be more then enough for the section of fence that he needed to repair today.
He was hot and sticky. He took his shirt off and mopped his brow with it. Ashley felt sharp stinging pain in both of his hands. His dirty palms were wet and slick from blood and sweat. The blisters that had formed on the pads of his hands were now ripped open from his vigorous handling of the ax. This gave Ashley a feeling of accomplishment. He was convinced, momentarily, that the weakness of his mind could be overcome by the combined effort of his sheer will and exhaustive physical labor. He was pleased. Hard work would save him from temptation.
Ashley's satisfaction didn't last very long. He was thirsty. As he sipped the last drops of water from an old rust covered canteen his eyes scanned the remainder of fence that was still dilapidated and sagging. Miles and miles of fence stretched out in front of him. Hours and hours of never ending back breaking work. Time he would spend out here alone. Alone with his thoughts. Hours and hours to think and to imagine.
Intense physical labor wouldn't take away anything. It would only exhaust his body. His thoughts were inexhaustible. His need and desire were inexhaustible. And as he wiped his sweaty hands down the legs of his pants he realized that his erection was inexhaustible too. Ashley was disgusted as he instinctively used his hands to cover the lump in his pants. He cursed his wretched body. He cursed his mind. He cursed all the years of restraint and self denial. All for what? He thought as he wearily surveyed his surroundings.
A few yards from where Ashley stood there were unpruned trees nestled in a thicket of over grown bushes and bramble. The position of the sun high over head in the sky meant that it was noon. It was nearly time for supper. He recalled Melanie telling him that he would have to come to the house today to eat. It would be too hot to send Wade or Gerald to fetch him. But how could he be seen in his current state?
Ashley picked up the ax again. He was desperate to eliminate the embarrassing lump in his trousers. Feeling utterly helpless and frustrated Ashley began forcefully swinging the ax side to side. He wildly attacked the empty air. He continuously struck out as if he was hacking away at something tangible. Not knowing what else to do Ashley turned his angry face up to the , he was sure, godless heavens and bellowed. He attempted to let out all of his frustrations with one long loud powerful yell. Ashley didn't recognize the beastly sound that filled his
ears as his own. He momentarily thought that perhaps there was a wounded animal nearby that had been caught in trap. Temporarily disconnected from his own body he continued to scream. He kept screaming until his throat was sore and his lungs were empty. When he felt he was incapable of making another sound he stood stock still in silence. The only sound now was his labored panting breath. He gulped in the hot sticky air rapidly. He still had the blasted ax in his hand. He realized suddenly and with horror that there was no wounded animal. It was he. He was the bloody, beaten, defeated, trapped and wounded animal. With great effort he rallied the last
ounce of strength left in his pathetic body and lifted the ax and hurled it with all of his might into the knotty trunk of a tree a few yards away.
Ashley realized the futility of his actions. Not only was he being foolish he was also being reckless and stupid. Aside from possibly injuring himself he risked breaking the much needed tool when he carelessly threw it at the tree.
Shaking his head and laughing ironically Ashley wondered when he had lost the ability to control himself? Control. Something he now realized was something that when one had it they usually didn't need it. Didn't he control himself before the war? And didn't he control himself during the war? He barely had to use his self control then. But now? When he needed it so desperately he found he had trouble finding it and keeping it. He wanted to slap his former self. The intellectual gentleman dreamer.
Ashley realized now, too late, that the things he had valued had only superficial importance. Even his intellect did not have the importance that he gave it. What good was literature and art in this post war world? Everything he had learned and everything that he had spent his entire life focusing on was worthless. He imagined the Tarleton brothers, had they lived, with their physical strength and bravado would hardly notice a difference in their existences. Lucky bastards. Their wild ways would give them a distinct advantage over him and all the other poor men who had wasted their youth focusing on the cerebral things in life. It would have been better to be a brute in a gentleman's world then what Ashley had become. Ashley was a gentleman in a brute's world and now he was a deficit.
During the war Ashley prided himself on not being driven to the lowest forms of depravity that the men around him succumbed to. Prostitutes. Sodomy. Rape. He took care of his urges by shocking his body with cold water. Or he would think about his dead mother. He would divert himself with prayer and by singing the words to hymns over and over again in his mind. Sometimes he would scratch out a letter to his beloved wife Melanie, on whatever scraps of paper he could find. When he wrote to her he focused on their mutual love of Shakespeare and Chaucer. Often he praised her beautiful mind and spirit. Unfortunately this activity inevitably caused his mind to drift. He would find it impossible to keep himself from imagining the brief few days and nights of his honeymoon. Then with great shame and humiliation Ashley would be forced to deftly and discreetly find release with his hand.
The things Ashley recently yearned to do with a woman were not a gentleman's thoughts. He wanted his wife that was true. He ached for her. But when his sick mind conjured up erotic fantasies his gentle ladylike wife was replaced with a wanton vixen in the form of Scarlett O' Hara. He didn't see it as a problem when he was a lonely soldier. All alone and away from his civilized world and without his family or his home Ashley didn't bother to censor his immoral thoughts. More and more frequently Ashley found that Scarlett's name was on the edge of his lips when he climaxed. He never dreamed that he would be destitute and living under the same roof with his baby, his wife, and also the woman who stirred every sexual urge and fantasy he had ever remember having.
All of Ashley's deeds and thoughts circled back to one impossible driving need. Today he had hacked away with the ax relentlessly trying in vain to exorcise the source of his demons. His body, shamelessly , was still demanding a woman to lose itself in and the woman it wanted was always only no more then a single bedroom away from him. He had screamed and yelled and pleaded with the heavens until he was breathless and hoarse and still his whole body redoubled it's efforts to reveal it's need to possess that same undeniably mouthwatering woman sexually. He was at a loss as to how to stop these urges from arising.
The sun was now well over head and slightly past the center of the sky. Ashley's mouth was dry and dusty and his belly ached from emptiness. He picked up his discarded dirty care worn shirt and flung it over his naked shoulder . He tipped his canteen toward his mouth and sucked out the few remaining drops of water. He would make a stop at the clear running stream and refill his empty container before dragging his exhausted body back to Tara. He hoped he could scoot into the empty shed behind the main house to rid himself of his painful erection. He hoped Melly wouldn't be waiting for him outside on the front porch. She would know immediately that he had something troubling him. And he didn't know what he could possibly tell her. Ashely picked up his sluggish pace. As he approached the stream he saw a lone figure.
"God, let that be Careen or Suellen." Ashley whispered to himself.
She But as the bent over figure reached the pail into the water Ashley caught sight of the familiar upturned tip of Scarlett's nose. After filling the pail Scarlett untied her bonnet. She was unaware that Ashely was approaching. He saw a small little smirk on Scarlett's face. Then she dumped the water over her head. She squealed as the cold water splashed over her body. Ashley licked his lips . The top of Scarlett's bodice was unbuttoned. The water sparkled on the top of her exposed breasts. The pure look of relief and pleasure she wore took Ashley's breath away. Scarlett heard footsteps. She turned her eyes quickly but then relaxed when she saw it was only Ashely and not a vagrant or vagabond. Then she remembered that Ashely had witnessed her spontaneous and hedonistic display with the water. She started to smile and laugh. Ashley got closer to Scarlett and he laughed too. Without saying a word Ashley filled the pail and dumped the water over his head. Scarlett just laughed . Ashley drew another pail and gently poured it over Scarlett's body. Scarlett giggled. She moved closer to Ashley. He dumped another pail over his head. They were standing close to each other. Laughing and enjoying a rare moment of carelessness. Then Scarlett became quiet and fixed her gaze on Ashley's bare chest. The water glistened on his tan and taut frame. She bit her bottom lip and slowly skimmed her hands down the front of his chest. Ashley sucked in his breath and moaned.
Scarlett became bolder and her hands became firmer as she caressed the planes of Ashley's muscular chest. Ashely leaned into the press of Scarlett's hands. He was gazing at the drops of water nestled in Scarlett's décolletage. He carefully ran one of his fingers into the crease between Scarlett's breasts and scooped up the rivulets of water. Scarlett grabbed his hand , before he could pull it away and pressed his fingers into the scoop of her neckline. Ashley wasted no time greedily stroking the soft flesh of Scarlett's breast. His long fingers stretched and reached under wet material until he roughly brushed over a puckered nipple. Ashley pushed Scarlett's bodice down under her full bosom. Using both hands he fondled her breasts. Scarlett tilted her head back as she moaned softly. Ashley lowered his head and sucked one of Scarlett's nipples into his hot mouth. He squeezed and pinched the nipple of her other breast. Scarlett couldn't muffle the sounds of desperate want and need she was making. Ashley licked circles with his tongue around Scarlett's nipple. Then he nipped and bit the stiffened peak before laving his tongue over the area that he had used his teeth on.
Scarlett held Ashley's head to her breast. He continued to assault Scarlett's tits with his
mouth. He sucked half of her breast into his mouth and pumped his lips around the full pillowy flesh before slowly sliding her in and out of his mouth.
Before Ashley could reach under the skirt of Scarlett's dress he was interrupted by the bark of a dog in the distance. Scarlett and Ashley abruptly pulled away from each other. Scarlett hastily pulled her bodice up and quickly buttoned the top of her dress. Ashley picked up his discarded shirt from the ground and put it on. Then he ran a hand through his wet hair. Scarlett stared at him as if in a daze, but Ashley averted his eyes and concentrated on filling his empty canteen with water. They both heard the dog and then Mr. O'Hara's booming voice. Scarlett touched her hair and then swiftly tossed her head forward , so her wet ringlets hung in front of her face. She deftly twisted the strands into a loose bun and then covered her head with her bonnet.
Mr. O' Hara, an Irish setter, and Wade Hampton bounded toward Ashley and Scarlett. Wade and Gerald both held two pails.
"There you are Puss. What got you held up with bringing the water? Your sisters be waiting on bathes and the babies too."
Gerald noticed Ashley. He then took in his wet hair and clothes. He realized that Scarlett was also wet from head to toe. Luckily he didn't give it any importance. He came to fetch Scarlett back to the house and to bring more water.
"I'd I've been up n back three times for as long as u be takin'. At least you remembered to fetch Mr. Wilkes back to take his supper."
"Oh Pa. Mr. Wilkes was already on his way back to the house. It's so darn hot I couldn't help stopping to cool myself off"
"Katie Scarlett O' Hara your ma be havin' me head if she knew you be splashin' about in the stream in the company of gentlemen like Mr. Wilkes here. He's a gonna think u got no raisin' no raisin' at all."
"No worries Mr. O'Hara. A day as hot as today would make all of the saints in the heaven stop and have a splash:"
"Well I shall speak to Mrs. O'Hara about it. And Mr. Wilkes I'm surprised to hear a Lutheran speak about our holy saints. A pleasant surprise to be sure . . . . . "
Relief flooded Ashley. If Mr. O'Hara hadn't appeared he would have taken Scarlett on the ground like an animal. He would be lying if he said he was sorry for what happened. Scarlett was even more exquisite and beautiful then he dreamed she would be. He could still taste and feel her amazing body in his mouth and against his skin. He peeked over at Scarlett as she walked with her father. She looked back and caught Ashley's eyes over her father's shoulder. Scarlett looked ashamed. Ashley nodded his head no. And mouthed the words "don't. don't be sad. you are beautiful. . . . . my love."