The ground shook, screams of torment echoed from all around. luka slowly opened his eyes. far above he saw a small light too far to get out of this hole. He dusted his loincloth. and stood up, his hands gripping a rock as an improvised weapon. he looked around. he was in a stranstrange building. similar to a cathedral but darker, more menacing. grunting screams reminded him of the danger as he looked around. a strange beast, humanlike but horrific to look at slowly stumbled towards luka. luka took a deep breath, preparing to unleash his homelands se ret weapon against monsters.

"PUTIN FUCK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU" Luka screamed. terror flashing from his eyes. "oh god, luka gonna throw up, luka gonna puke" the monster. attacked by yhe tirade of mean words tried to remind itself thst sticks and rocks and words dont hurt but something. or other. the monster charged its battle cry echoed around the ruined halls of the cathedral..."uwu uwu uwuuuuuu" the monster cried. luka twitched, "NO MIND TRICKS WORK ON LUKA. LUKA...HIT YOU" luka dropped the rock down onto the monsters strange bubbled skin. it exploded on impact, blood and gore splashed over luka. his muscles flexed and the blood exploded off his body, repelled by sheer manliness.

he inspected the corpse. it looked like some sort of spider, baby, monster, thingy. with toes on its legs and it leaked a curious white fluid. it was sticky so luka left it alone. luka left the body, and stsrted to explore. 'surely somebody came through here.' luka thought. he walked for days, for months, for an entire sentence. he arrived at a wall. a door of shining gold blocked his way. a massive keyhole waiting for him to get it open.

"prepare self door. luka want inside you."

luka ran into the door, thrusting his fist all the way up inside the keyhole. he twisted his hand. trying to grip anything in the well oiled hole. he grunted. and twisted the door until with a scteeching noise the door came

off its hinges and allowed hin access into the room.

an altar laid before him, a massive sword chained to the altar, it looked strong, it looked magnificent. it looked like something easy to steal.

luka charged the altar. and took the sword. it resisted, trying to keep the sword inside it. he pulled, and the massive sword theobbed in his hands. it felt right. like it was going to teach him stuff. stuff nobody could teach luka. like proper body oil methods. and how sex worked.

sword in hand luka left the room, wandering the cathedral and looking for a way out. he spotted a man in a trenchcoat next to a typewriter. "welcome" the man said. e posing himself to luka, his arms covered in weapons and supplies. he grabbed a little doll off the coat. it was a strange boyish doll with moveable parts and when luka pulled the pants down a little, appeared to be a boy. "Luka want small man" he grunted, giving it a tiny sword accessory he gave a single barbarian giggle as he put a tiny helmet on him. "Luka call you...Jimothy"

the trench coat man stared at luka

luka stared back

the man opened his mouth "its gonna be about tree fiddy"

and it was at that moment that luka realized that it wasnt a salesman of various goods at all but was 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the paleozoic era. luka glared at the monster and yelled "god damn loch ness monster leave luka alone." he stabbed the monster, and it reeled, falling over with a grunting noise and it started crying, blubbering for $3.50

luka felt bad, and dropped a dollar down for the loch ness monster before turning and leaving. when he turned. the monster was gone. luka grinned. set his new barbarian looking bjd on his shoulder and began marching towards a random direction.

he would eventually find a way out, and jimothy would help him.

far away a man gripping something white and long licked his lips and he gently stroked it. soon.