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Family

"Everything they told us was a lie."

Yeah, my entire existence. My whole history, my being. Me. I am the lie. I can't think. Gallifrey was my home. It was where I grew up and felt safe. It was where my family was. Now, now the Master has ruined all that. I fought in the Time War. The last great Time War. Not that any war should ever be considered as great. So many died. So, so many died and for what? I want to be sick. Sat on the steps in my beautiful TARDIS as we head to Earth to collect my fam I wonder if I will ever be able to accept what I now know.

Don't you see? Don't you understand? You don't do you?

No. He's right there. I didn't understand. I still don't. The air seems to sigh in my lungs as I look up. I know my past. I remember playing on the golden sands of Gallifrey as a child. I remember running because I was late as usual and didn't want to get into trouble with my mother or the teachers. I have run all my life. Why? Why didn't I know? Why did they hide it from me? Why was I used like a lab rat? That's all I was to my mother by the looks of things. And she wasn't even my mother - she found me somewhere and brought me to Gallifrey. Experimented on me. Hurt me, until I died and regenerated. No wonder I have issues! No wonder I keep running. My head hurts thinking about it. I rest my head in my hands, fighting the nausea as I stare at my boots.

I AM THE DOCTOR.

Is that why I chose the title at the Academy? Because I wanted to be the one to make things better? To heal the hurt in others? Did I even chose it? I don't know anymore. I looked into the fire and I knew I was to be the Doctor. That's all I have ever known. Romana found her title there, the Master did too. But did I? Is it a false memory? Did they plant that seed in my brain. I tell you something though, Old Girl, they didn't plan on me stealing you away, did they? That wasn't a part of the story they had already written. They could see I was old and getting slower, another regeneration wasn't going to be far off. I bet they were worried I would remember something of who I was before they took my DNA. Before they did what they did.

You are the Timeless Child, Doctor. You.

And so now there is no planet. There is no real tangible being I can go to and ask questions. Only the Master. He made sure of that. Do I want to ask questions? Do I need to know anything more than I do? I have lived so long, longer than planets, longer than some solar systems and managed quiet well with not knowing. I have travelled, married, made friends and had my own family - before the War. What difference should knowing make? Eh? It doesn't matter to you? Does it Old Girl? I don't realise I'm pacing as I'm talking, the floor beneath my feet is getting the brunt of my frustration. I love my TARDIS. My oldest and dearest friend, my rock and my solace when everything goes wrong. I do forget sometimes that the ancient machine is not only sentient but has been with me through so much. I wonder if it does matter to her. Yes, I stole her but she knows me. She knows how I am. How I get all confused and hyperactive when I regenerate. How I like my tea. Everything. But now she knows more. I rest a hand on the polished metal surface as she hums.

Does it matter? Do you care that I am not who either of us thought I was?

The reassuring hum and lower lighting tells me she would give me a hug, if only she had arms. I smile, to her I am still the old man who sneaked in through the door and decided to go on a little joyride through time and space. To me, she is home. I sit down, thinking. Thinking. Always thinking. I'm thinking will it matter to Yaz and the boys? Will Ryan react badly? He's always the one who reacts to change the worst. He isn't much younger than Yaz, my headstrong and brilliant Yazmin Khan but he isn't as worldly. He's got a good soul though. I never would have let him come travelling if he didn't. And Graham, wise, older and more sensible in many ways. Can he handle it? More change? More secrets and lies exposed? He's been unwell, lost his wife, faced her killer and walked away. I think he'll cope the best of all. Yaz will do her best to understand. I shake my head, tired suddenly as I realised I am on Earth. The TARDIS has landed. I smile slightly, thankful that she basically flew herself. Before I can react I'm in the middle of a tight bear hug.

"Need to breathe!"

I'm released as I look to see my family. The ones that matter waiting for me, pleased to see me and its then I know. Then I understand. My past doesn't matter to those who love me. Only now matters. And that is something the Master or the liars of Gallifrey can't change.

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