Chapter 14: Dr. Aurelius' explanation

A long winter was finally gone, and around Easter time the first signs of spring were visible. Seam residents started to do some long overdue spring cleaning in their houses, my farmers got busy on the fields, the birds tried to compete with each other by singing with full force, and nature started to show off. I spent a lot of time outside to review how well my equipment had endured the harsh winter and to plan for the summer.

Prim and Rue had been frequent visitors at my place, and several times a month Rue stayed at my home to sleep in my arms, always with her parents' permission and on the couch of course; I got quite used to that and found myself looking forward to those special nights. Prim and Rue were regular visitors at my home again on Wednesdays, when we talked, had a snack, and I supervised the girls doing their homework. Sometimes the girls shared some of their thoughts and observations, and in particular Rue seemed to enjoy talking about her thoughts and feelings with me, some of them quite personal. Lots of that stuff was related to school, like which teachers were good and which ones were not, kids bullying other kids, and some details on which boy liked which girl and vice versa. When the latter was mentioned, I once teased Rue by asking if she had a boy she was sweet on, but she always looked up at me, shaking her head and saying something like "Why would I be sweet on a boy at school when I like you so much". Hearing that I smiled, hugged her tightly and kissed her on the forehead.

After the Easter holidays Mr. and Mrs. Madison asked for some time to talk, and we sat down together outside on the porch after lunch on a fine spring day.

Mrs. Madison started: "You know, Mr. Sinterguth, that we have been concerned about Rue's nightmares for a long time, and we all have noticed that your presence seems to help a lot. We are of course very grateful for that, but a permanent solution would be good. Dr. Aurelius, whom we have visited a few times, has recently suggested to run a few more tests about the sleeping habits in a special sleep lab place they have in the hospital. They would like to observe Rue sleeping alone and with you, and we kindly ask if you would be able to spend a few nights staying there for their tests."

I had heard about those sleep labs before. Doctors would attach all kind of sensors to a person's body and mainly the head, to not only monitor heart rate and blood pressure, but also brain waves and such, and people suffering from insomnia or similar might find some help there. I was not sure how going there would help Rue, but I knew Dr. Aurelius, and if he suggested it, I would willingly comply, so that I replied:

"I know Dr. Aurelius well enough to trust his judgment in medical matters. If he believes that this is a good idea, I will do my best to help for sure."

Rue's parents smiled now, and Mrs. Madison said: "Thank you very much for your cooperation. Dr. Aurelius mentioned that last week of April would be good for the examinations – how would that work for you?"

I excused myself to have a look at my calendar, and when I returned I nodded: "Yes, that week would be fine. Do you know for how long I will be required there?"

Mr. Madison elaborated: "The good doctor said that they would first check how Rue sleeps on her own for a few days, than two or three nights together with you, and a few again on her own, so that you should plan to be there for two or three nights; you can probably get back here during the day, I assume."

"Sounds good" I stated. "I will call Dr. Aurelius to confirm that and ask for a few more details."

Spring was a great time of the year. Nature was recovering from winter, and people started to work on all kinds of things. Prim and a few other kids had begun to get the herb garden in order and check which plants had survived and which ones had not; Mr. Brown and his hands were busy ploughing the fields and do the first seeding, and my good Mrs. Miller was cleaning the windows and curtains. She and her husband always made sure that my home was in pristine condition, which I appreciated a lot.

Haymitch and I checked proper operations of all wind generators and solar panels, and we took Wiress with us whenever she could afford the time. Her intellect allowed her to complete homework in a very short time, and this enabled her to work with us for a few hours on almost every day. Typically she worked with us first when coming home from school and did her homework when daylight was gone. Both Haymitch and I were delighted to see how quickly she learned about the site and the technical aspects, and soon she started to provide interesting ideas on how to improve things further. I promised her that she could have a full time job as soon as she was done with school, and she could decide if she rather wanted to do 'learning on the job' with us or attend some higher education at the university in my home city. This university had a special branch for the highly intelligent students, and I was almost sure that she would fit right in.

With the extended field work, including the new orchard, we got an increasing amount of bio waste, and one of our main tasks this year was to find good applications for that. The most likely approach was a biomass plant, which generated electrical energy from the slow composting of the biomass, and we decided to make an effort to find out how to do this best with the least amount of remaining waste and pollution. At the current stage the process was not very efficient, and lots of remaining waste came out; we wanted to improve that but did not yet know how.

Last year we had set up the solar panels covering part of a field at different distances. My farmers' daughter Camilla was getting very interested in those topics and sat together with me for some time to come up with a plan coordinating which plants to plant where, to find out exactly how well that worked and to what extent those structures reduced the harvest amount.

Last week of April had arrived; I had called Dr. Aurelius before to learn what to expect, and on the arranged day I drove downtown to the hospital with my overnight bag. I met the doctor in his office and he explained a few more details: "Rue has been here for a few nights already, and we have finished the initial checks on her. For the next few nights we want her very close to you, and we need to take measurements from both of you. We need you to sign a document that you agree to the checks and specifically allow us to watch you all night long; I hope that this will not disturb your sleep too much."

I replied: "It has been a long time that my sleep was carefully watched, probably last when I was a toddler or so. Let's see how this works out."

I had made sure that I was at least somewhat tired by getting up very early in the morning, as Dr. Aurelius had suggested in our phone call before. He showed me to the lab, and the supervision would be done through a glass panel which allowed viewing in only one direction, so that the medical staff could see us, but we could not see out, like in a police interrogation room. However, there was a comfortable looking queen size bed and an attached bathroom, this one without a glass panel. Lights were going to be dimmed to almost darkness, and watching would primarily be done with infrared.

Soon Rue was guided into the room, and as soon as she noticed me, she gave me a hug. I could easily see that she had not slept too well in the last few nights; her eyes told the tale for those who knew what to look for. Both of us went to the bathroom, one after another, to change into pyjamas, and finally multiple electrodes were attached to our bodies and heads.

We were now allowed to make ourselves comfortable in the bed, which we did. Without hesitation Rue rested her small head on my chest and wrapped one of her skinny arms around me. As usual, she was asleep within less than ten minutes, and it did not take much longer for me, even considering the unusual environment.

I did not recall a single sleep interruption when I woke up in the morning by hearing some muted voices. Dr. Aurelius was now in the room together with Rue's parents, and Rue also yawned and was awake. They asked us a few questions on how well we had slept, and both of us confirmed that it had been a good sleep. Dr. Aurelius shook his head: "This is almost unbelievable. According to my measurements, this was not just a good sleep, but an excellent and very restful one. Both of you were asleep for almost the entire time. Both of you experienced some REM phases, but the dreams must have been either neutral or nice ones; nothing even remotely close to a nightmare. I have rarely had anybody in the sleep lab with such a sound sleep."

For the next night Dr. Aurelius wanted us to sleep in separate rooms, both of us wired. He told us that this sleep had been okay, but far less good than the night before. When we spent another night together with the same result as before, he shook his head and admitted: "I have not seen anything like that before. I have read reports in medical papers about a special bond between two people and how they feel much better when being together, but this is the first time I have observed that on my own. There is not even a proper medical term for it, but some people might call it 'Soul Mates'. I do not have a proper medical explanation for it."

Dr. Aurelius continued to run more tests, the final ones again just with Rue, and I was dismissed and could drive home.

A few weeks later the doctors had completed the analysis, and the Madison family and I were called in for a discussion. With Rue waiting outside, Dr. Aurelius explained:

"As we know, Rue has nightmares quite frequently, and we know that the nightmares have been triggered by the car accident years ago, where she had to witness some of her relatives including her sister being killed. Normally those nightmares abate over the years, but due to another medical condition Rue has, this does not happen. Mr. Sinterguth, Mr. and Mrs. Madison have signed a document giving me permission to share other aspects of Rue's health with you. She has a very rare illness, which affects certain aspects of her body. One aspect is the situation with her nightmares. For most people those abate with time, but not with Rue's illness. Specifically, medication which we could give her is not effective, and stronger medication would damage her body. The same illness also causes her body to grow more slowly than usual and stay on the skinny side; it also prevents puberty to set in. You have certainly noticed that she does not look like a girl almost 13 years old, but more like 10 years old or less. This does not affect her brain directly, and she is smart enough for sure to get along at school quite well, except for the mobbing of course, due to her skin color and her petite and diminutive figure."

When I had heard that I did not reply right away, but just nodded, hoping that Dr. Aurelius would continue, which he did:

"Regarding that illness, there is very little we know about it, as it is so rare. We do not know if it is life threatening or not, and we do not know what future symptoms might be, and we do not know if proper medication can be found to fight it. As for most other illnesses, it is important to strengthen body and mind as much as possible. I know that Rue and Mr. Sinterguth are allowed sometimes to rest and nap together, and for Rue's benefit I strongly suggest to continue that at least once a week, and have them spend time together above and beyond that as well, at least for the time being. A rested, well fed and happy person can fight an illness much better than an exhausted, hungry, and sad one."

Both the Madisons and I needed a few minutes to digest that, and I confirmed: "I am glad that we now live close together. From my point of view, I can only repeat what I told you before. I really like Rue and I like to spend time with her, and I am totally open to any time she wants and can spend with me and you allow."

Mrs. Madison now had tears in her eyes and replied: "Thank you so much!"

After that I had a session with Dr. Aurelius alone, and he asked a few additional questions: "Mr. Sinterguth, can you please try to be as honest as possible and tell me how you feel about Rue. I do not want to pry, but this is important to understand the context."

I nodded and started: "Well, at first there was just some kind of curiosity, when I saw her first at Prim's birthday last year. Most of the time she was sitting by herself, she looked much younger, and she had darker skin. Already after that day I found myself thinking about her a few times, until I got a few more details from Prim. Later on, when we visited her at the hospital during your long initial examination, I had a chance to talk a little with her, and I found that I liked talking to her. When we visited the zoo and she got tired, she took a nap in my lap for some time, and I found, to my own surprise, that I really enjoyed that. Finally, in the last months when she had a regular nap at my side a few times a month, I found that I immensely enjoy that, and I think about her a lot. Sometimes when we are together I can see in her eyes what she wants to say or what she needs."

Dr. Aurelius nodded and said: "That is about what I thought. Now try to imagine what would happen if you felt the same about a girl ten years older, about your own age – what would you think?"

I pondered this for a while and answered: "Difficult to answer. Based on my experience with girls and women I have always preferred younger girls for company for various reasons, and this was also apparent when I was a youth group leader for some time. I am not sure if I could feel for an adult woman like I feel for Rue now, but if I could, I probably would tell her that she is the love of my life and propose."

Dr. Aurelius nodded again: "Again what I expected. Mr. Sinterguth, from what I have seen and heard so far it looks like you are in love with her, not like you'd want to rip off her clothes and have sex, but real and unconditional love, true love without many expectations. From her side it seems to be the same, although the situation is somewhat complicated by her tender age and specifically as her puberty phase has not even started yet. I also understand why you sometimes prefer to be with younger girls. You are a very technical person and prefer to talk straight rather than wrapping content in nice words, and a lot of adults in our culture do not like this at all, whereas kids are much more likely to do the same. You kept your child like attitude to some extent, and from what I have learned about Rue, she is likely to do the same."

Pondering that I smiled and said: "Yes, you may be right about my child like attitude; somebody told me once that I am not an adult but a child with a driver's license!"

Dr. Aurelius smiled and nodded: "Yes, this is about what I meant, indeed, and this is actually not bad at all."

"But", I started to object, "I am not supposed to be in love with a young girl – this is not right!"

"Does not the Bible ask everybody to love each other?" Dr. Aurelius responded.

"Yes, but..." I started but did not know how to continue.

"The problem is", Dr. Aurelius continued, "that love has multiple facets, and one word is used to cover many different aspects. Most humans love their parents and grandparents unconditionally and enjoy being close to them, at least for the first one or two decades of their life. Most people love their brothers and sisters and other relatives to some extent. Some young people love their teachers, others love their nanny, and some feel a kind of love for almost all other human beings. Lots of people love their pets, and some claim to love their car or their house or other objects. Some people call it love if they feel bodily attraction and want to have sex with each other, and so on. All of this happens."

Thinking about it I nodded and the doctor continued: "What you seem to feel for Rue and what she seems to feel for you is very rare and a special kind of love. Proven by your sleep patterns, both your bodies and minds enjoy being close to each other, and your behavior and movements while sleeping have shown that you both tried to arrange your bodies in a way to make sleeping comfortable for each other. As mentioned before, I have heard this kind of connection being called 'Soul Mates', which might indeed be an appropriate term."

Dr. Aurelius further explained: "Normally, for children who have not started puberty, personal feelings are subject to change, and kids having a crush at the age of ten or eleven are usually over that a couple of years later and develop other feelings. During my thesis on psychology I actually investigated such cases over some years, and I have collected rare examples of feelings which extended above and beyond. Those 'Soul Mate' feelings and connections are most likely to last for a lifetime, I have learned, like a permanent programming of the brain."

I nodded again without saying anything, thinking that I liked the phrase 'Soul Mates', and the good doctor elaborated further: "In an ideal world, we would allow Rue and you to live together effective immediately, and this would be the best for her health, and good for you as well. In our real world, though, this would get all of us in trouble and you potentially in jail, due to her age. And rightfully so, because a relationship between an adult and a minor can be very easily exploited and abused, and it is difficult to distinguish between justified such relations, which yours would most likely be, and others. The only safe approach is to make such relations illegal until the younger partner has reached legal marriage age."

"Even having her at your home overnight can be a difficult situation. Please make sure that you are always on the couch in a public room, never in your bed with her, and please also make sure that you are never alone at home when she stays. I understand that you have a housekeeper family living in the house; best give them standing orders to check on you a couple of times whenever Rue stays. This is not because I would not trust you, but for your own safety. Most people would simply consider it cute and sweet when seeing you and Rue together, but a few might consider it child abuse, even with parents' approval."

I started to think that the doctor's explanations were finished, but he had one final point: "Sorry that I need to ask about that, but how does your body cope with Rue being close at times?"

As I was not quite sure what he was hinting at I asked: "What do you mean?"

"Well", Dr. Aurelius elaborated, "your are a young and healthy man, and having a young girl close to you for extended periods of time is likely to trigger some reaction in private parts of your body..."

I must have blushed and needs a few seconds to catch what he was getting to, and I responded hesitantly: "You have a point, and there are reactions, of course. I always try my best to have her either beside me or on my chest rather than on my hip to avoid direct contact there. Nevertheless I mostly wake up with a boner, but this also happens when I sleep on my own."

The doctor nodded: "Do you feel an urge to get close to Rue and do things with her?"

I probably blushed again, but responded: "I cannot deny the fact that I sometimes have quite specific thoughts and dreams about that. However, thinking about her tender body is more than enough to drive those thoughts away. Long term, though, this could be a problem. You see, I am seriously considering to propose to her when she is old enough, and having her that close for five years or more is going to be very tough for me, and I do not know if I can stand this."

The good doctor nodded again: "Yes, I see. Let me know if your body's reactions are getting too strong, and I might have something to get that under control. About the long term planing, I thought so, with your soul mate bonding, and I am also thinking about what can be done about it."

That seemed to conclude the doctor's explanations, and I assume that he had told Mr. and Mrs. Madison about the same story, hopefully excluding the last part. This day's conversation gave me a lot to think about, indeed.

[Author's notes: I do not know if such an illness really exists; this is a product of my fantasy. REM = 'rapid eye movement', which indicates dreaming. Please do let me know what you think about my story and post a review!]