Chapter
Journey Home
They pulled their horses and wagon from the livery, lining the bed with blankets making it as soft as possible. They laid Danny in it and Joe next to him. The journey would be slow and arduous. The trail long.
The men surrounded the wagon like there was a shipment of gold inside. Something perhaps more precious than that. For three days they travelled. With Danny asleep in the wagons bed, Joe lying next to him. Dr. Lee kept both boys under sedation. For Danny it was to offset the fits that plagued him. For Joe to combat the dizziness he would feel during the travel. Their fevers, though elevated had maintained pretty well this far. They made it this far and all things considered made pretty good time. By tomorrow evening they should be pulling into the comforts of the yard. They longed for the comforts of home now.
"This seems like a pretty good place to rest." Adam suggested after they'd crossed the Truckee River. The men stopped to stretch their back and legs and fill up their canteens.
"How you holding up?" Ben asked the doc. He could imagine how sore he might be considering this was nowhere near his line of work and how unfamiliar he might be with straddling a mount for this long. He was humble and modest about his pains.
"I'll check on the boys." Hoss volunteered giving the doc a pass and sauntered off to the wagon. Ben grabbed his canteen and went back to the river bending low. Adam bent low next to his father filling his own canteen.
"Did you notice the eyes watching us?" He asked discreetly.
"I noticed them yesterday." Adam hid his astonishment.
"Who do you think they are?"
"I'm not sure but I have my suspicions."
"You think they followed us from the city?"
"What are you guys whispering about?" Clancy asked bending low next to them. Adam opened his mouth to tell him but was cut off by Hoss crying out from the wagon.
"Pa, get over here!" He shouted before crawling inside. "He's spiking!" Dr. Lee was the first there, looking into the bed. Danny had arched back. His eyes open but rolled back in his head.
"We must get him cool." Dr. Lee urged.
"The river." Hoss pulled him feet first from the bed and carried him to the water dunking him in. The boy seized and bucked violent thrashes as he convulsed. The men surrounded him to watch the show.
"We came back to get what we paid for." The voice broke into the camp. It came from a hilltop beyond the trees where a venerable Japanese elder stood. Aside from him more men younger and stronger revealed themselves. All around them men came out into the open. They were so distracted with Danny, they hadn't noticed the men moving into position to surround them. Adam stood and grabbed for his pistol and his father took his arm to still him. They stood no chance. Their hearts felt with the weight of their dread. They were surrounded. Their assailants had the higher ground. The pater looked down upon the broken boy at his feet. The boy who's already been through too much. It was madness to think that they'd hand him over like this.
"I can't let you take him!" Ben shouted with indefatigable resolution.
"He is ours. If you stand in way, perhaps we take more than just him." Ben eyed the men in the trees. Poised and ready for battle. "You made the mistake of breaking into our family, when you took what was rightfully ours off the boat." If they were to be attacked, his men would undoubtedly suffer casualties. Danny in his vulnerable state would be susceptible to crossfire. His boy alone and unprotected in the wagon was also susceptible to crossfire. The situation seemed bleak. Could he again ask his men to battle?
"The mistake was first yours." Sam said aloud before anyone else could respond. "When you broke into our family and took what was rightfully ours."
"Mi amigo is right." Jose added. "You think of yourself as family. But you made the mistake when you did not know we are also family."
"You are family?" The leader responded enigmatically.
"That's right."
"We work for the Cartwright's. As such, we are treated no differently than if we were of his blood." Sam said.
"Yes, we're family." Hank agreed.
"and as family, we look out for each other." Johnny added.
"You mess with one of us, you mess with us all." Hamp chimed in.
"You are willing to die for this man?" The speaker asked.
"Fight, and die." Came Willard's response.
"It's what families do." Hank added.
The elderly speaker looked around at his men on the hill than slid back down to Cartwright and his men. The insurrect of his men might have just sentenced them all to death. "I underestimate you Mister Cartwright. Mister Cartwright must be honorable man, to deserve such loyalty." The men felt the weight of the moment as more silence past between them. "Perhaps the mistake was ours." He said looking at the boy in the water. "We could see the one we came for, is not well. He would not serve our purpose. Perhaps it was Shinmoto that did not look well upon the boy before he pay. Go Mister. Cartwright." He permitted as he bowed respectfully. The men looked at each other astounded. Did that really work?
"Go go." Ben urged.
"Grab the boy." Adam stepped in. "Careful." His fever had dropped dramatically. He was cold now. Freezing. The new threat was Hypothermia or shock from the extreme drop in temperatures. "Come on. Get back to the wagon." They carried Danny who had stopped convulsing but whose body was now shivering uncontrollably. Adam and Dr. Lee climbed in the back with him. Which seemed really crowded now as they moved about laying blankets over the boy trying not to step on Joe in the process. The wagon moved out feeling the need to get out before the venerable leader changed his mind. Now the house seemed so far away.
~.~
The young man had his eyes open or so he thought. It was hard to know for sure with the darkness he was in. He was hurting all over. He was cold and damp. He could hear the sounds of chains rattling, breathing. Above him walking. The clanking of boots on wood. The earth moved and swayed about him. He discovered that he was tied hand and foot when he tried to move. The boots that were above him stopped. There was the sound of heavy metal clinking and then scraping against metal. A door in the ceiling above him opened flooding light upon him. The intense brightness hurt his eyes. He closed them and turned his face away. He heard and felt the presence of other men as they came down to join him. He felt the large hands grab hold of him. They release him from his binds and lift him out of this dark hole and into the light. Though he wanted to find relief, the light did not feel good. He clamped and blinked his eyes letting the light in slowly bidding his eyes to adjust. He craved to see his world. Sailors, moving about the deck of a ship came into focus. Men before him. Large men. Around the ship, water. Water. On all sides. Water. His stomach knotted. They were at sea. Land nowhere to be seen.
"Welcome aboard the Gemini." A large, grizzled man said before him. "I am your Captain."
"No." He muttered. Panic rose within him at once he realized. He'd been shanghaied. "No." He said again, this time louder. Backing up and drawing the men's attention. He was going nowhere. "No." He says again when his back met flesh. "I'm not supposed to be here."
"Shut up you!" A large man charged before him. This only panicked the man further. He had to get them to understand.
"No. Please. I'm not supposed to be here. This isn't for me. I'm on your side."
"Get him to the foremast." Large hands grabbed him again and pulled him forward.
There were three large poles in total spread about the ship. He was taken to the one closest which was on the lowest tier of the deck.
"We're going to teach you today boy." The man who held him said coldly.
"No. You don't get it. I'm one of you." He tried to get them to understand. He wasn't like these other sad-saps. "I helped you out."
"You're going to learn one way or the other." The captain grandstanded for the others. "This is your life now. I am your master." His hands were bound to the large pole. Another man also of great size brought up something coiled in his hand. He handed it to the one who had carried him over, whom after taking hold of it let one end fall to the deck. He got a sickening feeling once he realized. It was a whip.
"Please. No!" He begged again. "I'm not supposed to be here."
"There's always one." The men laughed at his expense. "We're going to make an example out of you."
"Please. Please. What are you going to do?" The man behind him flipped back the whips end. He drew his arm up and swung forward. Somebody had fired a shot. Perhaps to stop the man. To save him. The cold sting that turned instantly to a raging heat told him it wasn't a gunshot that he heard at all. It was the cracking of the whip. The whip had met his flesh and tore it open. He cried out in a shriek wrought with pain. "Please stop!" His sobs were reeked with panic. "Please!" The man reeled the whip back again. "Help me! Somebody help me!"
~.~
They put Danny into the guest bed, bringing his meager belongings out of the bunkhouse. This was going to be his room for a while. As far as they were concerned until Danny said otherwise. If he made it, they were prepared to offer him their home. With after all he's been through, all he's done for them and no real home of his own, it was the least they could do for him. This was his home. He was their family now. For as long as he needed them to be.
The Doc had stayed to provide round the clock care for the two of them. He was given one of the two guest beds upstairs. Clancy was given the other.
The hands after receiving their own downtime have opted to return to work. Though their bodies needed the rest, too much downtime caused their minds to dwell on the boy's in the house. Work was a welcoming distraction. Each in their own time after work or during long breaks when they were close enough to the house they'd come in to visit him and check on his progress. Leaving disheartened when nothing would change.
"You should have seen them Danny. It was great." Sitting at his bedside, Morgan talked to the still form. "The way they stood around you. They were a wall. An impenetrable wall. They wouldn't let nothing get through to hurt you. The whole lot of them were there. All the hands, and the Cartwright's standing shoulder to shoulder guns drawn. Ready to take down whatever came to threaten you." Of course he was embellishing but it didn't matter. He wasn't even sure if Danny was hearing a word he was saying. That didn't matter either. He'd tell the story again and again when he got well. But a huge part of him wanted Danny to hear it now. At least get the idea that he was cared for. That people thought he was worth something. That others were willing to give themselves up for him. He needed him to know there was something to come back for. "You've got friends Danny. A whole slew of them who were all ready to lay themselves down for you. Do you hear me Danny? For you. They all went above and beyond to keep you safe. To bring you home. Please hold on for us Danny. This world still needs you. I still need you. These men who risked themselves for you. They need you. They need to know that you'll be okay. They need you to come back. The Cartwright's who went out of their way for you. They need you. Little Joe needs you. Probably most of all. Joe needs to know you'll be safe."
Doc Martin had come every day to check on he and Joe making the ponderosa a part of his daily rounds. Though it was more for peace of mind and because the Cartwright's were such good friends. He could see that the two of them were in very capable hands. This doctor who was staying with them was knowledgeable in his practice.
~.~
Roy Coffee was at the door. "Good morning Ben. I heard you were back in town. I was going to try and make it out to you."
"How are your deputies?"
"They're both good. Recovering as well. Harper is already back to work."
"Light duty?!" They both said together in a chortle. They could relate in the struggle of keeping a vigorous young man restrained.
"Toller has a longer road ahead of him but he's strong."
"Is he coming back?"
"Oh, he's coming back and he'll be better than ever when he does."
"I'm glad to hear it. I'd hate to lose a good lawman like Toller."
"I'm sure you know already Ben. The Assistant Chief and I have been conversing. Sharing information, you know. I've got some bad news. That one that they had in custody, Vivian DeMatteis, he jumped bail."
"They can't find him?" Ben asked alarmed.
"No, but they have an idea of where he might be." Ben let his shoulders fall in relief.
"So they're going to go get him?"
"Well, it's not as easy as that."
"What do you mean? Why not?"
"Well, they believe he might be in the middle of the Pacific by now."
"What!?"
"They can't say for sure but they have reason to believe that he'd been put on a boat." He glowered confoundedly. They helped him escape? "Against his will." Roy clarified. Ben let the words sink in. An unexpected chortle escaped his lips. Ben made it to the Windsor and collapsed into it. This man who had hurt Danny so horribly, might now be dwelling in the same place he had tried to put Danny in. He didn't wish to see this man suffer but he couldn't help but pick up in the irony of it. The absurdity. So many boys are subjected to this fate every day and that was a tragedy; and here he was, a man who aided in this, now standing shoulder to shoulder with the rest of them. Cosmic justice. He thought about the Tong. The men who let them go. They ended up getting their man after all.
"How about the last one? Has there been any development on him?"
"Not yet, we've got posses between here and San Francisco working on tracking him down. So far there's been no word." Ben tried not to let this disturb him but the fact that there was still one more out there that had yet to be caught, one more that could still be a threat to his family, to this boy; Bothered him. "How're the boys?"
"Not good Roy. Not good."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Little Joe as you know was already fighting through the effects of a concussion. Being captured as he was didn't do him any favors. They knocked him around. The doctor has got him sedated. He's probably going to be under for a few more days. Until the swelling goes down at least and his brain has enough time to recover from the major threat."
"How about Danny?"
"What Joe experienced, multiply that by a lot. They really made that boy suffer. Right now we're not even sure if that boy is going to live or die. Dr. Lee says if he lives it will be of his own willpower. If he wants to live he's going to have to fight for it. You know as much about that boy as we do. We're not so sure he wants to live. Still, something more than medicine is keeping that boy alive.
"That's a real shame."
Roy looked as if he was chewing on something.
"What is it Roy?" The lawman emitted a heavy sigh as he considered whether now was the time to mention the stranger.
"Listen Ben. Just let me know the moment that boy wakes up… or otherwise." Speaking now of his mortality. "I need to know."
"Sure. Of course." Ben hesitantly agreed still thinking Roy was keeping something from him. The lawman excused himself and walked himself out.
~.~
He had made it back to Virginia City. He had roots here. Ties. Not deep ones. But ties that needed to be severed. He had a home that he had shared with his brother. There was money in that home. That was about the only money he had left to his name. The cash he had on hand couldn't be enough to sustain him for any definite period of time. He took the chance his identity hadn't been compromised. What the boys knew of he and his brother was sure to get back to the Sherriff. He had to move quickly. He attained his land deed and a few other cherished items from his house. He sold his land and everything that was left within, to the bank for a mere fifteen thousand. Ironically, what would have been his share if the plan had worked. The bank was sad to lose him as a customer. He took out the remainder of his money which he and his brother had built up. Giving a total of 18,000 of running away money. He considered a stage. He could sit back and relax in the comforts of a cab and let someone else deal with the trouble of driving horses. He almost gave into this temptation but decided he needed the freedom that driving his own horses provided. He could go anywhere and stop anywhere he decided. The world lay before him.
~.~
"Hey Joe. Welcome back."
"Where am I?" The boy asked groggily.
"Don't you recognize your own room?" His eldest brother said with a wry smile.
"Last I remember, I was someplace else. A house."
"That was three days ago Joe. We made it across the Sierra's in that time."
"I was asleep?"
"For most of it. We had to keep you out." He let his eyes fall as he summoned certain images.
"Danny was at my side." He said matter of fact.
"That's right Joe. We laid you next to him."
"I woke up. People were shouting. Danny was gone." Joe shot upright in a panic. "Danny. Where's Danny?"
"Woah Joe. You have to be still." Adam took hold of both shoulders. Joe clamped his eyes shut as the world began to spin. His big brother was right. The movement had caused the room to vacillate. Still with clamped eyes he asked again. More humbly this time but with just as much fervor. "Where's Danny?"
"He's downstairs Joe." This seemed to relax him. Joe's shoulders slumped and he fell back again.
"He's safe?"
"He's safe. All tucked in to the guest bed downstairs."
"How is he?" Adam was mournful.
"He's sick Joe. Been fighting fever."
"Still?"
"Still."
"Is it bad?"
"The doctor was able to clean and dress all of his wounds. He was able to stave off infection from all but the one."
"His abdomen." Joe said matter of fact.
"That one's pretty nasty." Adam confirmed.
"The one they'd use to hurt him with."
"That's right."
"Bogs, the big man, he was always messing with it. They had Danny all trussed up and helpless. He would squeeze into it, digging in." Joe said, retelling the story as it resurfaced in his mind. "One of the ways he could get him to…" Joe let his voice trail off in a somber gulp.
"It's alright Joe. I know." Adam cajoled. "You don't have to say it again." He placed his hands on his brother's shoulders again as he saw him getting worked up. "Whatever you and Danny experienced out there, it's over now. You both are safe." Joe glided his eyes over to the safe protection of his brother's. "Now we need to focus on your recovery."
~.~
There was humming from somewhere in the room. He opened his eyes to the soft lullaby. He wasn't in his room. He didn't recognize it. It was simple but elegant. The bed was soft and the room gave off a warm and inviting glow.
"Oh good, you're awake. Pa sent me to keep you company." She pushed herself up from the rocking chair in the middle of the room and laid the white dress shirt on top of him over the blankets, eying it, picturing how it would look on him. "I think that would look just grand."
"Am I dead?" He asked by the look of the shirt.
"No silly. I wouldn't be here if you were."
"Where are we?"
"You're in a safe place now. In a home."
"Whose home?"
"Not ours." She deliberated. "This is a safe place for you. This is going to be your home for a while."
"Will you stay with me?"
"For as long as you need me to. Until you wake up."
"I'm not awake?"
"No. Your body is recovering. You're going to be asleep for a while longer until the worst part is over."
~.~
Three days had gone by and Joe was out of bed taking his turn in the round o'clock vigil by the boy's bedside. Joe had his head resting into the mattress when a scream shook him upright. Danny screamed and wriggled. He was in a sweat. "Pa!" Joe called out. A moment later the room was filled with everyone who was in the house at the time. Joe standing up to give his father the chair.
"Danny it's me." Ben soothed as he sat. The boy shot his hand out and grasped Ben's wrist as he touched his face. "Listen to the sound of my voice." Ben continued. More and more lately this had been working to sooth and calm him. Danny was hearing him. It would take him out of whatever nightmare he'd be having. It worked with the others too. Some it worked better with. Adam and Clancy had the best results but none so much as Ben's soft baritone voice. It was working now. He had stopped struggling. His hand which had encircled Ben's wrist from fear now held it for security. Ben continued talking to him. "Danny. I know you can hear me. Follow the sound of my voice. Danny. You're okay. You're safe now. You're in a safe place. It's okay to come back. Follow my voice Danny." Danny's eyes fluttered open. The men stood around excitedly. Until they noticed he was staring at nothing. The room was kept dim. But not completely dark. He should have been able to make them out if he wanted to. Instead, he stared blankly at open space. Still listening to the voice. The way he stared was as if he saw nothing at all. Like his eyes were open but he was still in the dark. A worrisome thought entered their minds, that he might be blind. He could see just fine or so they thought at the warehouse, but perhaps the fever had adverse effects on his sight. Above everything else he didn't need this. To be trapped forever in the darkness with nothing but the images of these men and no way to escape them. Never the way to blink them away and open his eyes to the light. It was enough to drive a man to madness. Ben shook away the thoughts. Here was no proof that he was blind. This could be something else. "Danny." He said softly as not to frighten the boy. "Danny. It's okay. You're here now. You're safe. Come back to us. You hear me. Follow my voice." Danny slid his eyes over. As if he hadn't just held Ben's wrist with such fear filled intensity, that same hand reached out to touch the voice. When his fingers met lips, he stopped. Ben reached up to touch Danny's hand, with a gentle squeeze letting him know that someone was there for him. "Danny can you hear me?"
"Pa?" Came the weak reply. What a strange thing to come out of him. Joe was wondering if he called himself Joe so much he might have actually started to believe he was him. Like the kid doesn't know who he is anymore. He wasn't the only person to entertain those thoughts. The others weren't sure what to believe. Ben saw something different in the way Danny looked at him. The boy wasn't seeing him at all. He was seeing someone else entirely. A face from beyond the grave. Joe had told them about his strange mutterings. Both while in captivity and now here. Saying names he didn't recognize. Clancy recognized the names as those of his kin. If he was seeing his kin; if he now stared at the face of his long-dead father, than maybe it was a sign that he wasn't out of the woods yet. It was still too soon to hope.
Ben wasn't sure if he should lie and continue a farce. Would it be better for the boy's mental well-being or worse? Better for his recovery or worse? Should he tell him who he really is? Force him to come to terms. Would that frighten the boy or cause a mental overload? He wasn't sure, but he was pretty sure no matter what the right answer was, the boy wasn't ready to be awake.
"Shhh!" Scared boy. The boy touched his hand again. "Close your eyes. It's okay to sleep. You'll be safe. I'll be here with you to keep you safe. Close your eyes." The boys eyelids fluttered then fell closed. The hand that was touching Ben's hand softened and went limp. Ben grabbed it with his other hand, caring for it. Taking it with both hands, he laid it softly over the boy's chest. His breathing turned slow and heavy. The boy again was no longer with them. He had slipped off into the darkness he had been so accustomed to lately. The darkness which had been his home.
The boy who's scared of the world and given every reason in the world to be. But forced into manhood all the same. Forced to grow. Biology doesn't stop with trauma. It doesn't give someone grieving time. It doesn't wait for the mind to catch up. This was every bit of a boy forced to grow. A scared boy forced to be a man. A man who sacrificed himself so flawlessly, so unselfishly gave himself over and suffered so needlessly because of it. As if his sufferings to this point hadn't been enough.
~.~
"Wake up, Danny. It's time to wake up."
He opened his eyes to Adam standing over him at the foot of the bed. The father was sitting at his side. The aged man gave an amiable grin to the doctor standing on his other side.
"How you feeling?" He gave a gritty swallow and moved his mouth to speak. His throat was dry. It refused to open for him. He put a hand to his throat as he tried to push out sound. "It's okay. I could imagine it doesn't feel too good to talk just yet. Perhaps we could get some soup past your throat." He looked over at the steamy bowl on the table and nodded. Ben picked it up and put some liquid on the spoon.
"You gave us all scare." The doctor impressed.
"You've been out for a while." Ben explained. "Last night was the first real sign of life we've had from you in a while. The Doc here said it'd be a good idea to try and wake you up now. We agreed you were getting too skinny. Needed to get some nutrients in you." The hot liquid burned his split lip. His body reacted flinching back. In comparison to the pain he'd experienced the last few weeks he thought it best not to dwell on this minor affliction. Though he did his best to mask it Ben felt every grimace within him as he spoon fed the young man. "You're still in a lot of pain?" Danny lowered his eyes as if in shame. "It's okay to admit that you are." Ben mollified. "I'd imagine you would be. The ordeal you went through wouldn't suggest otherwise." He glanced at the doc. "We've got a bottle of laudanum here in case you'd need it." He said directing to the bottle on the end table. "How's that? Is that enough or you think you want some more?" Danny answered with a soft shake of his head as the warm liquid met empty stomach. Ben set the bowl down again.
"Let me take a look at hand." The doc said. My hand? He opened his palms and glanced down to see what was wrong with them. The docs' hands gently met his. One was wrapped in white bandages all the way to his wrist. Both of his wrist were wrapped in a clean bandage. He wondered what else was wrapped up. "uhhm. It's looking real good now. Still have long road head. We keep a few more days wrapped. Then start our exercises. How are you feeling? He moved his mouth to speak and still struggled forming words. Between his mouth and his voice it was hard to coordinate all that went in to speaking. Dr. Lee took a quick glance at Ben before he leaned in.
"How's Joe?" He finally croaked.
Dr. Lee sat up again. Adam smirked thinking about the question Joe asked when he first awoke. It was Adam who answered.
"He's good. He's recovering real well. He's already up and moving around. He's been in here with you a few times already." Adam couldn't tell as the boy was difficult to read but he seemed to be comforted by this.
~.~
It's been a few days since he'd awoken, they had made slow steps towards his recovery. In that time they have moved him away from a strictly liquid diet. He was now able to take in semi solid foods. Getting him to put his feet on the floor and stand was the first real feat. Getting him to take steps was the next. Short distances initially. From the bed to the chair after an hour or more of rest back again. His strength improved and he was able to make it to the door and back without rest in between. The first time he walked out of the room and to the dining chair was cause for celebration. He'd earned himself freshly made donuts for that one. The doc taught him exercises that would help him regain strength and mobility in his hand. Though spooning food from the plate to his lips still continued to be a challenge as well as holding a cup of black coffee without burning himself. The men would let him try then be there for him to pick up the pieces when he failed. He failed a little less every day.
His quietude was the main thing damming his progress. They knew this was one major hurdle they'd still have to get over. Danny was always the quiet one. Getting him to open up about anything was a struggle. A struggle which Clancy could attest to and that was before this mess had happened.
~.~
On the third day after Danny's awakening Sheriff Roy Coffee made the visit out to the ranch. "Thank you for getting the message out to me." He greeted.
"I sent you the message days ago."
"I received it. I'm sorry I wasn't able to come out then. I've been working on some things."
"I understand."
"How's he doing?"
"He's weak still. He was a long time on a liquid diet. We're working on getting more substance in him. Helping him gain back some strength. It's taken some time. We've made small steps but he's eating at the table now."
"How's Joe been?"
"He's good. Darn near back to his old feisty self." They both shared a wry chuckle. "Truthfully he's been a lot of help."
"I'm glad to hear it.
Clancy and Adam came riding into the yard. They dismount making their way to the door.
"Morning Sheriff. We saw you ride in."
"Has there been any developments?"
"If you're asking if we found the men in question than, no. Not yet." Clancy and Adam shared looks of disappointment. "I came here to talk to the boy."
"Like I said, he's still pretty weak. I'm not sure how up he'll be for it."
"Listen Ben. We're trying to string together the tale of events. You know there's still pieces missing to the story. There's about a two day period in time there where only that boy knows what happened. Anything we could get out of him might be useful." Ben smiled softly.
"Of course Roy, but just to warn you, that boy's a quiet one. I'm not sure how affective you'll be."
"I understand, but I have to try."
"Come on, I'll take you in." Hoss was in the room with him taking his shift and stood when they came in.
"Danny, this is Sheriff Roy Coffee. He'd like to talk to you about what happened."
Danny was receptive agreeing to speak which was already a step in the right direction. Still, the men circled round Danny protectively. Roy started out much like McFadden had started when getting Joe to open up. Telling him first off, what they knew already. It had taken a different affect on Danny, especially when he got to the part about Joe being there to witness some of the things they did to him. This was new information to Danny and he wasn't quite sure how to process it. Sure Joe wasn't there the entire time, but he was there a lot longer than he'd thought he'd been. This was nearly enough to impede any further progress. The men could see it had affected him but they weren't sure in what way. They waited patiently letting this sit with him. After a long moment, Roy pushed to continue. "After you left the house with these men, what happened?" Roy was particularly interested in knowing what went on between the time that they took him from the house to the night that Joe had showed up.
Danny submitted albeit hesitantly to open these wounds. The men knew this was something that had to happen and not just for the sake of the law. Danny had to do this if he had any real chance at recovery. These were wounds that weren't going to heal properly until he had the chance to flush them out. Much like the wound in his abdomen it would fester to the point of detriment. Like the wounds he had attained with the passing of his family. Dragging him down until he thought of himself as no more than a stain on the earth.
Danny started out well enough, confirming the story that Hopsing had told of the men that were in the home. He told of how they took him about halfway to Virginia City. Of how the men they met up with argued with the leader. He described what he knew of these men. Brothers or so he thought.
"They were supposed to take me through the town while the other's split up to throw off the trail. Then out of nowhere a blow came. Knocked me to my knees. It was the leader. Chapman. He just started hitting me, like I did something wrong. But I didn't. I did everything they asked me to do. I tried to get away but I couldn't. Then he started kicking me. I was on the ground and he was kicking me, then Bogs and Squirrely were kicking me too." He wasn't sure how much to tell. Whether or not to admit to these men just how much of a coward he really was. They all saw him as a hero. They didn't know how close he came at that moment to admitting all just to get those men to stop. The only reason he didn't was to save himself. He let that part be buried. Why? Because he was still a coward. He didn't have it in him to admit that he was so close to telling these men he wasn't Joe. What would they think of him then? Would they turn him away?
"Then what happened?"
"They stopped. I was curled on the ground. My whole body was throbbing. I heard one of them say, "Grab him, make sure he doesn't go anywhere." I was lifted upright. Bogs had his arms wrapped around me. My arms were up against my chest. I was on my knees. Bogs held me from behind." He stopped his recant. His breathing became heavy. Somewhere along the way Danny had developed a tremor. Adam noticed when he squeezed one hand in another.
"Keep going?" Roy urged him to continue. Danny opened his mouth to speak but it was fruitless. The words refused to come out. He was panicked now. He was holding onto something. Adam picked up on what it might be he was holding back. Somehow he knew.
"There was a tear in your shirt." Adam interjected, his eyes gliding down to the fresh bandage. "Was this when they cut you?" Adam asked wanting Danny to confirm what he'd already expected to be true. Danny swallowed past the lump in his throat and lowered his head, recalling the memories so distant now but at the same time so recent.
"They said, it was to give, the family a message." He said choking over his words.
It was a message they received loud and clear. Hoss grimaced throughout Danny's recant, but for this last admission he felt his innards twist within him. His face perhaps more than anyone else in the room spoke volumes, save Danny's of course. This was the first time he'd really been tortured. It happened that very night. Probably before the family had even made it home. Before they even knew that he was missing, he was being tortured. Cut into. Hoss thought about his baby brother at that moment who hadn't all together escaped injury. Not physically nor emotionally but it could have been worse for him. So much worse. For all intents and purposes they thought they had Joe. They thought it was he that they were cutting into. It could have been Joe.
It was at this they'd lost Daniel. From this moment on no more words came. Even when they tried changing the subject no more words escaped his lips. Each question they posed led to more panic. His breathing now was rapid labored breaths. Until the point where the room spun. He shut his eyes and clasped his ears to block out the men at his side. Hyperventilating all the while. Ben stepped forward grabbing the boy by both shoulders and talking to him in his sonorous tone. "Take slow breaths. Calm yourself down. They're not going to ask you anymore questions. They're going away now." Ben ushered the other's out of the room with a shoo of the hand. "Lay back down Daniel. You're done. You're done for the day. It's alright son. Just lay down."
With no more progress to be made that day, the other's left the room. Not sure how much time should pass before they should push him again for more answers.
~.~
The house was still. Joe lay in the dark staring up at the ceiling afraid to close his eyes. Afraid of the dreams that would come. Everybody had been so focused on Daniel lately, and rightly so, that they hadn't even noticed the nightmares Joe would have when he'd close his eyes. The screams he would hear that weren't his own, echoing once again in his head. Hearing Daniel scream like he did. Joe wasn't sure if those sounds would ever go away. After hours of tossing and turning he finally settled on a good walk to the kitchen to get some water, something to occupy his mind.
Joe crawled out of bed and made his way downstairs. He was surprised to see Danny sitting on the settee in the dark. He was wrapped up in a blanket sitting in front of the fireplace as if it was lit, but instead was long dead.
"You okay Danny?" The boy nodded his typical 'I'm fine' nod, to dismiss Joe. Joe knew this nod well as he had used it many times on his kin. He could take the hint and let it be. That's what he would want. "You mind if I sit?"
"It's your house." Danny still didn't see himself as if he belonged. He saw himself as an outsider. With all that he's experienced Joe figured it would take him along time to feel like he belonged anywhere. Instead of pushing on to the kitchen he took a seat.
"You couldn't sleep?"
"No."
"You've got a lot going on in your head." Danny gave a quick glance and turned away. He didn't have to admit it. Joe knew it to be true.
"How about you?" Danny asked probably more out of civility.
"Yeah Danny. I do." Several minutes passed as they sat in uncomfortable silence together in the dark.
"My family told me Roy came by today. Said he talked to you about what happened." Daniel sat as an impenetrable wall. "It was hard for me to talk about it too. I usually have no trouble about speaking what's on my mind, but this. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The main reason I did was for you. After what you went through for me it was the least I could do. You know, I never did get a chance to thank you for what you did for me." Danny dropped his head. Another moment passed. Joe emitted a heavy sigh. Realizing he was getting nowhere with him he finally asked. "Would you like if I left you alone?" Danny glanced over through the corner of his eye then just as quickly turned them away. Joe took another breath then went to stand.
"I thought I was alone." Joe stopped himself midway curious at his words. "All this time." He sat back down. "I never got to the point where I liked it, but I pushed people away all the same. Why did I do that?"
"You've suffered a lot of loss in your life. I think that maybe you were afraid of opening yourself up to be hurt again."
"I think your right Joe. I don't think that's all of it though."
"What do you mean?"
"I think there's more to it than that."
"Like what?"
"I think I was afraid of people giving me a reason not to die." Joe's shoulders slumped with the weight of those words. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and what little light the moon provided through the windows. He could see now the glistening of moisture on Danny's cheek. A tear had travelled down and rested there. Danny let it be perhaps thinking Joe hadn't noticed and not wanting to draw extra attention to it.
"How about now? Do you still have those thoughts?" Danny thought about it for a long time.
"Morgan was there. Even though I pushed him away. I thought I was alone but he was there." He stared ahead at the fire which wasn't there. He hadn't actually answered the question. "You were there Joe. When I was so scared." The pitch in his voice had raised as he fought to maintain control but it was a losing battle. His voice shattered. "When I thought I was alone." He said broken and weeping. "You were there." This time it was Joe who released a tear as he recalled his feeling of helplessness as they hurt him.
"You all see me as some hero Joe. I was scared. I almost gave you up. That very first night when they were beating me. I almost told them the truth right then and there. I just wanted them to stop. Then when they cut me, it's like I forgot why I was even there. My whole body hurt so bad. All my sensations were flooded with pain. They said your name. They called me your name. I couldn't think of why they would do that. It took me a moment to fight through the pain to come back into my senses. When I did remember I hated it. I hated you. I hated the name." He choked again. "I'm sorry Joe."
"Don't be sorry."
"I knew it wasn't your fault. I knew I did it to myself and I knew you didn't deserve it either, but that didn't matter. Just thinking about your name made me sick. I'm not a hero."
"Yes you are."
"Why don't you hate me?"
"Having those thoughts and feelings when you'd experienced what you did. That was all natural. It doesn't take away from what you did."
"I'm still scared. Of everything. Of those men. Of you guys."
"Why us?"
"Of trusting you and being turned away. It took me this long to realize that I'm afraid of being left alone. I don't want you to go." He said as his tears rolled freely now flooding his face. This time he wiped them away.
"That's alright Danny. I'll be here as long as you need me to." Truthfully Joe felt some comfort in him too. To have Danny there at his side. Several more minutes passed before Danny said this.
"You saved me too Joe. Your whole family did and I'm not just talking about from those men."
~.~
To the morning sun, the men of the house all came down together. They were surprised to see Danny out of bed, wrapped up in a blanket in front of the fireplace. He was sleeping. Peacefully by his appearance. Even more surprised to see the chestnut curls sticking up from the green Windsor facing the dining table. Hoss and Adam stopped on the stairs letting their father creep around to the front to see Joe curled up and also fast asleep. Ben smirked as he glanced back at his other two son's on the stairs. Hoss crept down keeping his heavy steps as light as possible to take a peek himself, bearing the look of a smitten mother when his eyes met his brother's sleeping form. A look Adam had become so accustomed to over the years. More often it would evoke an eye roll accompanied by a sarcastic remark from the elder brother. This time however Adam couldn't help but share in the authenticity of the moment. His lips rising into a small dimpled grin.
~.~
Danny and Joe had warmed up to each other. Daniel found in Joe a friend, a confidant. The men would come home and find Joe and Daniel deep in conversation. Conversations that went far beyond their shared experience. Turns out they had a lot more in common than they thought. They'd get off to talking about family. What their siblings had in common. They'd talk about life and love and skills and passions.
It felt good to see how much Danny had changed. What this family had done for him. What Joe had done for him. Clancy had played his part, but it was good to see him opening up to someone other than himself. Someone his age. A friend. A brother.
~.~
Three more days had passed. The men of the house, who had been working in the corrals, had come home for lunch. They were there in the home when Roy rode in. With no more luck finding the missing men and the trail cold, he'd come back to give it another shot with Danny. The men had agreed.
"Maybe we should take some chairs with us this time." Hoss suggested. Ben could read the panged look on Roy's face and entirely agreed.
"Maybe we should let him go in there alone."
"Alone? Shouldn't we be in there to show our support?"
"If we all go in there surrounding him like we did last time, he might clam up again."
"That's why I was going to get chairs. So were not towering over him."
"Maybe we ought to give him some space."
"But Pa, we're just trying to help." Hoss argued.
"I know, and we'll continue to be there for him when he needs us. But right now son, I don't think he needs us. We might end up doing him more harm than good. Joe's in there with him. Let's give that a try. We'll see how it goes."
"He's right Hoss." Adam agreed, to which Hoss let out a dejected breath. "Why don't you come out with me?" His brother placed an arm around his shoulder. "We've got some things to tend to in the stables." He said as he ushered him out the door.
~.~
With Joe in the room somehow Daniel found the courage to keep going. Joe had a harder time maintaining his composure as Daniel recounted the events of what happened after he was taken. Illuminating some light onto the mystery. Hearing more of what Daniel went through in his place.
Both Danny and Joe could describe the brother's as they had both seen them and knew them well. But it was Danny alone who could describe the house. This was the break they needed. With this information Roy knew exactly who it was they was looking for. William and Theodore Troup. Brothers. Handymen that shared a one room cabin. Hadn't lived here for too long. Just a few months if he wasn't mistaking. Danny could describe every detail inside and outside the house. If Theodore was caught, this would be enough to convict him.
~.~
Ben and Clancy remained in the house for a while longer, wanting to be nearby incase it turned out that they'd be needed. They found themselves pacing restlessly wondering what was going on behind that door. Ben smirked as he realized the turmoil they were putting themselves in by waiting around. Feeling a bit helpless and brewing in their idleness Ben suggested. "Why don't we get some air? See if those boys outside need our help." Clancy agreed.
Opening the door though the men were stopped at the sight of the two brothers sitting quietly underneath Daniels window. Adam frozen in the rocker. They both looked up at their father feeling somewhat guilty of listening in. No. Hoss was guilty. Adam wasn't ashamed at all. He was just afraid of his pa giving them away. Cautious, wary of his pa's move. That was what was expressed in his countenance as Adam stared at his pa, wondering what he was going to do. Ben didn't approve of eavesdropping but somehow he understood why they were doing it. Ben looked to Clancy to see what he thought on the matter. Instead of outwardly disapproving he looked back at Ben watchful, gauging his thoughts. Somehow Ben thought he got his answer. He closed the door as softly as he could. They both slunk to the window. Though their actions were childlike, mischievous; it wasn't giddiness they shared between them. It was somberness. They knew what they were hearing wouldn't warm their hearts but pain them. Still they had to. As difficult as it was to hear. To intake. Not knowing somehow seemed worse.
~.~
"Bogs hadn't been there the whole morning." Danny recounted. "The other men were waiting on him to return. He was late. When he did come back he was angry. He knew I lied to him. I don't know how he knew but somehow he knew. He charged right to me. He said, 'What's your name boy?' I said 'Joe.' Then he hit me. The other man, Chapman tried to stop him asking Bogs what it was all about. Bog's said 'That kid's not who he says he is.' Said, 'The real Joe is with his family right now, head all wrapped up.' He said, 'It was the one 'I' carried in.' Chapman came to me then. He asked me if it were true. I didn't know what to say. I mean they knew. I don't know how they knew, but they knew."
"What did you say?" Joe asked.
"Nothing. Not 'yes', not 'no'. Nothing. Chapman knew. He turned his back on me giving Bogs full permission to have his fun. He beat me until I lost consciousness."
~.~
They knew exactly when this moment was. Danny was being beaten to a pulp and they were trying to carry-on as if they hadn't all made this egregious mistake. The first beating Danny received they couldn't be blamed for. But this one, this one was on them. They didn't know the exact time Bogs had discovered the lie. It could have been anyone of them that was overheard. They all made the mistake of calling Joe by his real name. It was for this reason they all shared in the blame. It was for this carelessness too, their brother was taken. Each man struggled with their own internal battle. They were all regretful. Repentant.
~.~
"I know this is difficult. Please keep going for me."
"It's okay Danny." Joe coaxed. "I'm right here for you."
"When I woke up they were arguing about what to do with me. Bogs wanted to kill me, right there. Chapman said, he had a better idea. He said, they could make some money for me still. When he brought up the idea of taking me to San Francisco and putting me on a boat, the others didn't take to it. They said I'd be too much trouble to take all the way out there. The payoff wouldn't be worth the risk. Somehow he convinced them. Said he knew some people because that's what he used to do. Said, he could get the Cartwright's to follow them out there. They'd still make their money from them and they could hide better in the city and escape from there when they were done. Go anywhere they wanted to go from there."
"You've done real well boy. I know with everything you went through how difficult this must have been. Listen Daniel. Before I leave I have to tell you. There is a young man in town that's just aching to meet you. I told him he had to wait until you were strong enough. What do you think? Do you think you're strong enough? I could bring him out tomorrow if you're up to it." Danny kept his head low and quiet. Roy wasn't even sure if he was still with them. "Daniel?" His head snapped up.
"Who is he?"
"He's a friend."
"I don't have any friends." Joe didn't take that personally. Roy might have though because he said this.
"Looking around, it seems to me as if you have a whole slew of them." Danny reflected, thinking now of the men outside. The hands whom Clancy had told him helped save his life. Who came by every day to check on him. The family who risked all that they did, for him. Who offered him their home and treated him like family. Why was he so opposed to the idea of having ties to this earth? Of thinking he was worth a bit of anything? Roy waited for a response.
"Okay." He agreed.
~.~
The next morning just as he promised he came back. This time with a man in tow. A young man which two of the boys recognized right off but were not expecting to see. The shock evident in their countenance as they exchanged looks of incredulity. "I believe you guys have already met." Roy started. They shook away their stupor before reaching out their hands.
"Pa, Clancy," Adam introduced. "This is Chance Milligan." Ben understood now the reaction that came from his boys.
"Nice to meet you." Ben shook his hand, sharing in his boys' bafflement.
"How've you been?" Adam asked.
"Good. Your Sheriff here is a real nice man. Put me up in one of the finest jailhouses around." He said with a grin. To which Roy snickered then responded.
"Well, I had to see if he was who he said he was and why exactly he would be calling at such an inopportune hour. You know with everything else that was going on. Of course being such shorthanded and all, it took me a couple of days to run some checks."
"In all seriousness, he's been real good to me. Other than that time he pulled a gun on me." He said with another smirk.
"Weeellll…"
"I'm just playing. Just trying to break a little bit of the tension here. Listen, it was my fault. I came out here on a whim not even thinking of how my presence here might be received."
"So why did you come?" Adam asked.
"I don't know." He considered. "I mean, I do know. I guess it was for a couple of reasons." Adam raised his brow bidding him to tell. "Well for one, I thought, maybe I might be able to help bring him home. You know, if you needed some extra hands or something. Truthfully, I wasn't sure how I was going to help. I just thought I should be here to show my support."
"You said there were two reasons. What's the other one?"
"The other one is why I'm still here. Why I'm here now. I have to give him something. Something that belongs to him."
"What's that?" Chance looked to the lawman then back to Adam and his kin.
"With all due respect Cartwright, it's kind of personal."
"It's alright. I checked it out. It's legit." So Roy knows what it is. Adam considered.
"I'd like the opportunity to speak with O'Lewis alone, if that's alright." Somehow they weren't sure if that was a good idea. The son of the man who killed his father an eldest brother. Especially when he was so vulnerable. Physically and emotionally. Then a horrendous thought crossed Adam's mind. What if they were wrong about him? What if he was involved? All this time. What if he really did wish to do Daniel harm? He looked to Roy along with his pa and brother, to give them the answer.
"You've been in town all this time?" Adam continued the conversation wishing to know more.
Chance sniggered. "No. Roy sent me back home. By the time he found out what he needed to about me, you were already too far away for me to be of any real help. He told me he'd let me know when they got him back. When he did let me know, he told me how bad off he was." He said, nodding to the closed door. "He's been keeping me updated on his progress."
"With all due respect Chance, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but Daniel's been through a lot as I'm sure you're aware. We are making steps towards his recovery. Baby steps but steps all the same."
"Look, I'm not blind to what kind of reaction my presence might invoke. I spent the last few years of my life living with these reactions. In regards to the son of the man my father killed, he more than anyone would have every reason to hate me."
"Whatever you have for him, I hope you keep that in mind."
"That will never stop being on my mind. I know I wasn't the one who committed those crimes against his family. But somehow I feel like a share in the guilt. Just by association. I aim to make amends. That's why I'm here. I owe you too Adam." Adam creased his brow skeptical. "After you left Lynton came back. We had a very long conversation. He told me that you were the reason he came back. Thanks to you we were able to settle some things. Put some things right in our hearts. Thank you for that."
"If you could give me a moment with him first." Adam suggested. "We can't even be sure if he's up for visitors." He left them at the door and went to the guest room.
"Daniel." He rapped on the door. "It's Adam. Is it alright to come in?" After a pause he heard a meek voice.
"Sure." Came the response. Opening the door enough to peek in he saw Joe was sitting in the chair at the far wall. Danny in the bed. They had been engaged in heavy conversation but stopped at the intrusion. They both looked to Adam now to explain his presence.
"Daniel. Do you remember yesterday the sheriff asking to bring someone by to see you?" Daniel had forgotten but now his curiosity peaked along with his anxiety. "Listen, I'd hate to do this to you. It might come as a bit of a shock when you find out who he is. At least, it was to us when we found out."
"You didn't know?"
"Not until a few minutes ago. He's here now."
"Who is he?"
"Daniel," He said starkly. "He's the son of the man who killed your pa and brother." The boy's face paled. Even Joe was in shock. He looked to Danny to see if he was alright. Hoping these words weren't enough to do him in. Undo the progress he has made with him.
"Are you going to let him in?" Danny asked in a panic.
"Not if you don't want us to." Danny considered.
"Is he here to hurt me?"
"I don't think so."
"Why is he here?"
"I think he's here on good intentions. At least that's what the sheriff thinks. He said he had something to give to you."
"What?"
"He didn't want to tell us. He said he wanted you to be the first to hear."
"What if he's lying? What if what he wants to give me is a knife in the gut?"
"I don't think he does."
"Well, how do you know?"
"I don't. But he seems like a good guy. Genuine in his concern for you."
"Daniel, if you don't want him here or are not ready to see him; I can make him leave."
"What do you think I should do?" He turned to Joe when he asked this.
"I think the decision has to be yours." At Danny's derisiveness Joe comforted. "but I'll be here with you to support you."
"You won't leave me?"
"No." Joe gave a soft smile. "I'll stay right here."
A sharp breath passed before Danny could work up the simple affirmation. "Okay." Danny turned to Adam who nodded understandingly and left the room.
"He'll see you." The young man said and guided him into the guest room. "Our brother is in with him now." He said as if to inform the man that this would not change, to which Chance understood and agreed to the conditions. Getting this agreement Adam again knocked on the door.
~.~
"So you're not going to tell us what that's about?" Adam asked to Roy as the all sat around the table sipping on hot coffee.
"I think you'll know soon enough." Roy responded with a sly grin. It seemed as if they'd been in there quite a while. They probably had a lot to talk about. Joe faithfully stayed by Danny's side. Adam still had dark thoughts creep in about leaving the two most vulnerable creatures in the house to fend this man off if he did turn out to be a harmful. The man seemed perfectly nice. Nothing like his father. Genuine in his attempt to separate himself from his father's name, but what if it was all an act? So far there hadn't been any raucous to come from that room. Nothing to alarm any of them. Adam pushed away the dark images. He was just on edge after what his brother had been through. His brother didn't need any more monsters to contend with. Not for a while at least. Neither that boy.
The door finally opened and Chance came through closing the door gently behind him.
The men all stood to greet him. "Thank you Mr. Cartwright for letting me do this."
"It was all Danny." Adam attested.
"Well thank you anyways. You've done more for me than you think." Ben looked proud upon his boys who each took the compliment with humility. "I'm ready when you are Sheriff." With that he turned and donned his hat and walked out the door. After shaking their hands Roy donned his hat and followed him out.
"You think we should go in there and see how they are?" Adam asked when the door was closed.
"Let's give them a few more minutes." His pa suggested. Adam was dying to know, but knew his pa was right. A few more minutes was all it took for Joe to walk out of the room. They were in the midst of clearing the table when he came out closing the door behind him. They all stopped and waited for Joe to speak. Not just to speak. To tell.
"He's resting now." Joe closed the door behind him. His brothers looked at him pushing him to tell. "What?" He asked with a playfully innocent grin, knowing full well what they wanted.
"Come on Joe." Hoss urged.
"Now, now Hoss." Adam mollified, playing devil's advocate. "If it's not for us to know than we just had to accept that. Come on help me take these dishes to the kitchen." He said turning his back to Joe, taking the wind right from his sail's. Awe, why did he have to be a big ruiner?
"He gave him a deed!" Joe blurted.
"What?" They all turn back to face him. There's the response he was looking for. His smile was broad with satisfaction.
"The deed to the house he grew up in. Danny thought he lost it cause of the way he left it. You know he didn't pay taxes on it or anything. Turns out Chance has been paying taxes on it all this time to keep it in their name just on the off chance that one of them might return someday to claim what was rightfully theirs. You guys coming to him like you did made him realize it wasn't all for naught."
~.~
He opened his eyes to the bright golden light shining through the window. It's luminescent glow seemed almost unnatural. A figure stood with his back turned staring out the window. "The crops Danny. Look at the crops." There was disappointment in his voice. "Their dying." His father turned to face him. "Danny, you haven't been tending the crops. Look what's happened." He was confused by this. "Look, Danny." He slid out of bed and sauntered across the floor. "Look Danny. Do you see?" The field was the same field as was outside his home. But that didn't make sense, this house wasn't his. "Do you see how they are dying?" The stalks were dried and broken. Laying like a frozen wasteland. "You're not tending to them." It's been a while since he'd seen any of his family, so why was his father here now? He knew enough now to know this wasn't real. He could never go back to this place again. Not until he was dead. Really dead. So why was he here? What was his father saying? He can't get to those crops. Why is his father saying this? Why was he blaming him? His voice sounded differently now. Not like the other times when he went to visit them. They were clear and very present then, but now though his father's lips moved, the voice didn't come from them. Instead it came out more like an echo in his head. "Their dying Danny."
There was a message in here. What was it? No. This wasn't like the other times.
~.~
"He's having another nightmare." Hoss said over his bed as the others stood around. Their loss of sleep wearing creases across their face.
"No. No. It's not real. It's not real." Three weeks had passed and though the initial scare was over. His body still suffered. His mind suffered too. Especially at night. The worst dreams would come to him and he'd thrash about. His recovery was slow because of this. The nightmares over time had lessened in intensity and sometimes he could go through the whole night without one. Laudanum helped keep his nights peaceful. It worked most of the time. Tonight though he was talking. Just these words. Repeating them over and over. "It's not real. It's not real."
~.~
Joe had spent the day away. Though the main threat was over, Ben was still adamant about not letting any of his boys go anywhere alone and probably would be for a long while after. Even if these men were caught he'd probably always worry about these type of threats. Monsters just around the corner ready to hurt his son's just to get at his money.
Fortunately, Sam Tucker more than jumped at the chance to go with Joe to visit the man he saved. Toller was convalescent. The worst part for him was also over. Though he'd soon be returning to work, he'd been out long enough and his family had suffered financially. Joe came bearing gifts. Hopefully his presence would help ease some of the burden. He'd be gone the whole day.
This day Danny was quiet. Reflective. Kept to himself. The men wondered if Danny's quietude was due to Joe's absence. He'd spent the day to his room. The men worried for him. Quiet for him was never good. They wondered if he had backslid at Joe's absence. They'd gone into check on him a few times throughout the day and have gotten little out of him. Joe wouldn't be due back until the following morning. They could see then if Joe could get him to talk about whatever was on his mind. For now the other's just had to wait it out. Before turning in for the night they decided to make one more check to see if he needed anything.
Hoss's heart fell to his stomach when he opened the door and peered in. "Adam." The tone in which he called out and the manner in which he looked in, caused them all to panic. They all bolted for the room. "He's gone." Hoss widened the door so the others could see in.
"Where could he have gone?"
"Did he go into the kitchen?"
"No. I was just in there."
"How about upstairs?"
"What would he be doing upstairs?"
"I don't know. What would he be doing anywhere?"
"No, he can't be upstairs. How could he have gotten past us?"
"He's not in his room so he got past us at some point."
"Alright. Scour out. Check the house." They all parted. Hoss and Adam heading back into the kitchen. Ben and Clancy shooting up the stairs.
"Anything?" A moment later they were all back in the great room.
"No. Nothing anywhere." Adam tried not to let the sickening fear rise to his throat as he imagined the worst. Danny had gotten stronger every day. But he was far from walking away on his own. He could be anywhere. Laying in some ditch. What would cause him to do this?
"We've got to check the grounds."
"I'll check the stables." Hoss offered. They open the door and stop. They all froze as they stared out.
The boy was outside staring off at the stars. Wrapped in a genuine sheepskin coat. None the wiser to the tumult he had caused. He'd been distant, quiet. Into himself, but of course isn't that how he's always been.
The men watched him from the porch. Knowing now what they know about him they knew quiet for him was dangerous, deadly even. This boy keeps things to himself to the point of internal collapse. They'd hope that with everything they'd been through together as a family that things would somehow be different for the boy. That somehow he would learn that life was precious and worth living and that silence meant death. Maybe not for everybody but for this boy silence meant death. Old habits are hard to die. They didn't know if they should let him be to work things out or interrupt his thoughts, lest his thought be deadly. Ben took on the task. He placed a hand on Adam's shoulder, indicating that what he needed was a little fatherly guidance and went out to meet the boy.
After three weeks, the scars on his face were healing quite nice. Greens and yellows were all that remained of the bruises. Small red thin lines marked a few places from where his skin had opened up at the worst of his abuse.
"Catch pneuomonia being out here. Don't think your body would be quite ready to handle that on top of everything else."
"I just needed a minute to think."
"How you feeling?"
"Oh, Good Mr. Cartwright. I'm recovering real well."
"The doc says so too." He nodded and looked away. "You still feeling any pain?"
"A bit. It will go away though, in time. That's what the Doc says."
"What's on your mind, son?" He lowered his head like he was chewing on something, he didn't know quite how to talk about. "Something's bothering you. What is it?"
"I don't know, sir."
"Son, I'd hoped you learned by now how dangerous it is to keep things bottled up." He was pained. "What is it, son? What's ailing you?" He understood now how bad it was but this was different. This man of all people, the boy's father. He's the last person he should talk about this with.
"Danny? It's okay. Talk to me."
"I wasn't trying to do anything weird to your son. You know that sir."
"I know. Is that what this is about?" The boy is allowing the manner in which he'd saved Joe's life to plague him. The families not holding on to that. They've all but forgotten. He'd brought their boy back to them. How could he be letting it bother him? He thought of the stigmatisms of his actions. He could imagine the implications if it ever got out. "If that's what you're concerned with, you have to know that what happened that night will never get out to anyone. That will stay between us, between the family."
"I'm wondering if that's really the best thing."
"Son?"
"Mr. Cartwright, what happened to him don't make no sense, by any conventional means." He chewed again. "For all purposes that boy should be dead right now. That shouldn't have worked. It makes no sense that it did. You know, if I could have given my life's breath to each one of my kin, I would have. Every time I would have. Even that little baby who came out dead. I never got a chance to meet him, but I would have for him too. That's what I was trying to do for Joe. I asked God to take my life and give it to your son but he didn't do that. Instead he let us both live. By some miracle we both lived. I know it don't make no sense what I was trying to do, but it also don't make no sense what really happened."
"It's not up to me to try and understand God and all his infinite ways. We don't ask questions. We just praise him and thank him for the gifts we've been given."
"No disrespect sir, but I'm not entirely sure I agree with that." He was caught off guard by this. "How do we know he don't want us to ask questions? Maybe we ought to."
"What?"
"Maybe what happened to him wasn't as much of a miracle as we want to believe." Blasphemy. How sad, with all this boy's been through, he's fallen so far. "Maybe there's more to it than that." For some reason this scared Ben and the boy could see it. "I'm not saying that God's ways aren't great. What I'm saying is..." He thought and then pushed it away. "Oh I don't know what I'm saying."
"Yes you do. Spit it out, son." He wouldn't be able to help him find his way back until he got to the root of the problem.
"Maybe, his ways are greater than we give him credit for." He didn't expect that. "What if he cherishes life so much that it ain't enough for him to perform miracle after miracle to save us. What if he wants us to have the tools to save ourselves? What if he's given us those tools already they just ain't been discovered yet? Maybe what happened that night wasn't a miracle. What if it's science? What if, what happened to him can be explained? If that's so, then maybe people ought to know. Maybe they should know how to save their kin.
I can't help but think of my momma with that baby coming out sideways. If I'd have known enough then, could I have saved her? Or that little baby who had my mommas inside's wrapped around his neck. Could I have saved him? How about my brother, Thomas. It was the same river that brings life that done choked his off. If I'd have breathed into him could I have saved him? And does it stop at there? How about my father and Peter. They'd done bled out. If I'd have given them my blood would they have lived? Vanessa she stabbed herself with a nail. A nail! A nail shouldn't kill no one, but it did. Why did it? How did it? Doctors say it was blood poisoning. What does that even mean? What poisoned her exactly? And could there have been something that saved her? All medicine comes from the earth, right? Of course it does, cause where else is it going to come from? God gives us this. He provides this to us. Why? Because he wants us to save ourselves. He's giving us the tools to do just that. What if, we just haven't discovered them all yet? What if they're there for us to discover if we care enough to ask? To seek them out. What if instead of working to pay for the medicine needed to save Simon, what if what I should have been doing was looking for a better medicine?"
"You shouldn't do this to yourself."
"Maybe somebody ought to. Oh I know I can't bring my family back. What's done is done, but maybe somebody ought to be asking these questions. If nobody else is going to, maybe it ought to be me. What if I had the power to make it better for others?"
"You ever thought of being a doctor?"
"I'm thinking of it now."
"Well, that's an honorable profession."
"It ain't enough."
"What do you mean?"
"It's too small. I don't just want to be a doc. I want to help Docs be better at being themselves, but even that's not good enough. I want to answer these questions for families. I want families to have the knowhow to do the best they can for their kin and when they inevitably ask themselves that haunting question, 'could I have done more?' I want them to have the answer."
"I think the world could use a man like you."
"The Lord gave me life. Even though I didn't want it. He gave it to me all the same. I think this is what it's about. All this pain, all this suffering, all this loneliness. I think, maybe this has been what it's always been about. It comes down to this. This is what it's all for. Maybe helping others not suffer so much."
Ben was hard-pressed to believe that God would be the bringer of all this suffering to one growing boy, but maybe whether he did or did not he was using this boy for good. God uses all things for good.
"I thought, when the last of my kin died that that was the lowest it could ever get. But it just kept getting lower for me until there was nothing left. Nothing left to live for. Then God put Clancy into my life and when I had an ounce of hope an ounce that things might just be turning around, those men happened and all this new pain and suffering happened. Why? What was it all for? My family was there. I had to go that far down to discover that they'd always been there, this whole time. They'd never left me like I thought. They were there in my darkest hours and they're there for me now. Just like God hisself and they're going to keep being there for me, helping me get through, even the most trivial moments. I know that now. Because of what happened, I know that.
A word from the author: Many thanks to gaben, Jeanne, Adam's Gal, and Mary's Journal for choosing to write a review. I'd love to hear from more of you. Let me know what you think of the story.