Chapter 2: Sea of Regrets
"Patya is dead, Vitya," Yakov repeated.
Yuuri sat up in bed, his eyes rounding in dismay as Victor stiffened and a sob of agony escaped him as the phone dropped from his suddenly nerveless hand.
"Vitya!" Yakov's voice shouted through the phone, "Vitya, answer me!"
"Vitya?" Yuuri called, his voice choking with concern.
Victor's face had gone a deathly white and his body quivered as he stared sightlessly in front of him, as though frozen in place. Yuuri launched himself out of bed and across the room, calling Victor's name urgently. Victor remained in place, shuddering as Yuuri's hands came down on his shoulders and struggling to make his voice sound again.
"Vitya, what happened?" Yuuri pleaded, "Victor, talk to me!"
His overwhelmed husband forced out one word in a broken, guttural release.
"P-patya!"
Victor stiffened again, then came to his feet, barely taking a moment to tie his robe closed before he charged out of the room, heading for his friend's room. The door stood open and two policemen waited in the hallway as others moved around the room inside.
"Patya!" Victor shouted desperately.
Yuuri ran out of the room behind him and grabbed him around the waist as he tried to push past the officers to enter the room.
"Vitya, stop!" he cried anxiously.
"Sir, you can't go in there," one of the policemen said in a sympathetic, but firm tone, "There is a police investigation going on. I'll need to ask you to go to the lobby. They are questioning everyone who was present at the wedding last night."
"B-but, he was in there," Victor panted, "I walked him to the door before we said goodnight. We are supposed to…"
"I understand," the policeman said, nodding to his partner briefly, "He was close to you?"
Victor couldn't expel any intelligible words. He loosed a ragged sigh and nodded.
"They were close," Yuuri told the policemen, whose partner took off his coat and wrapped it around Victor's shoulders, "They were like brothers. He was our best man."
"Come now," said the second policeman, "I am Officer Brouwer. I'm going to walk you and…?"
"Yuuri," Yuuri supplied, "I am Victor's husband. We were married last night."
"I'm going to walk you and Yuuri to the lobby, where some of your family and friends are gathering."
"N-no!" Victor managed shakily, "I want to…I have to see him. Are you sure it's…? Do you…? Should I make sure it's…?"
The officer gave Yuuri a tragically sad look and shook his head very slightly.
"Victor, you don't need to do that. Someone has already confirmed his identity for us."
"Patya!" Victor sobbed, struggling to pull free of his husband.
"Victor, stop!" Yuuri shouted, "You have to stop. This isn't going to help anything."
"I'm so sorry," Officer Brouwer said, looking into Victor's teary eyes, "but there is nothing that can be done. Your friend did not survive the fall. Please, let us take you to be with your family."
"Vitya," Yuuri said, curving a hand around his distraught husband's cheek and locking their eyes, "let's go back to the room first and get ourselves dressed."
"B-but…"
"There is nothing we can do," Yuuri said sadly, "We should get dressed and go downstairs. Everyone is probably in shock. We should go and be with them."
Victor's expression went from tortured to ghostly.
"What is it?" Yuuri asked worriedly.
"Liev and Akilina!" Victor exclaimed, "They're with their grandparents. Yuuri, I have to…call them. They need to hear this from me, not from the TV!"
"Give me the number and I'll call them for you," Yuuri offered, "You're not in a state to be doing this. I'll make sure they know what we do."
"C-could you?" Victor asked, closing his eyes and still struggling to calm himself.
"Go and get dressed," Yuuri said, removing the officer's coat and handing it back to him, "Thank you, Officer Brouwer. I'll take care of Victor now."
The policeman watched for a moment as Victor started towards his and Yuuri's suite, then he touched Yuuri's arm warningly.
"Your husband still seems very unsettled," he said softly, "Why don't you let me come and help watch over him while you make that call?"
Yuuri took a shaky breath as he realized the deeper meaning of the words.
I don't think Victor would do anything to harm himself, but…Officer Brouwer is right that he's in an awful state right now. I can't even imagine what he's feeling. Patya's been like his own brother.
"Okay," he said, moving to follow Victor, "thank you."
Victor reached the suite and walked to the closet, where he blindly selected something to wear as his spinning mind tried to make sense of what was happening. He barely registered the presence of his husband and the attending officer as he stumbled into the bathroom and Yuuri quickly dialed the number of the children's grandparents.
"Hello?" a woman's voice answered.
"Hi Eva, it's Yuuri Katsuki."
"Yuuri!" Eva exclaimed in a pleased tone, "How was the wedding? I'm sure it was so beautiful for you and Vitya!"
"Oh, it was, but…Eva, something very serious has happened," Yuuri related.
"Oh, is it Patya? Did he drink too much and pass out again. Poor thing. He's better than he was just after our Letya died, but he sometimes…well, he is troubled by the past sometimes."
"Eva, I am so sorry to have to tell you, but Vitya can't, and he asked me to call you."
"Yuuri, what happened? Is Patya all right? It's him, isn't it?"
"Yes," Yuuri answered solemnly, "We don't know exactly how it happened, but…Patya fell from his hotel balcony."
"What?"
"He was fine when Victor walked him to his room and they said goodnight, but we got a call from Yakov this morning and he told us that Patya fell from the balcony and he didn't survive."
"Oh my god…not again," Eva whispered, "Those poor children."
"The police are investigating, trying to get us some answers, but Victor was worried about the children hearing about this on the news."
Eva was quiet for a moment, then Yuuri heard sniffing and low, urgent talking, then a man's voice came on the line.
"Yuuri, it's Filip," the man said with forced calm, "Eva told me what happened. She's too upset to talk. It's like losing our daughter all over again for her. She's very close to Patya. Tell Vitya, we will protect the children until we know what happened and decide what to tell them."
"Thank you," Yuuri said sadly, "I'm…so very sorry. Patya's is like family to Vitya, and he's been so good to me since I moved to Saint Petersburg. We're going to get to the bottom of this. We'll find out what happened."
"And we will take care of the little ones. Assure Vitya they will be all right."
"I will."
Yuuri ended the call and found a change of clothes, then he joined Victor in the bathroom. Feeling the heavy tension around his hsuband, Yuuri quickly dressed himself, then moved closer to him, reading the pained expression on his face and the signs of the emotions that roiled beneath the surface, aching for release.
"V-vitya," he said tentatively, "is there anything I can do?"
Victor swallowed hard and shook his head.
"Okay. It's okay if you don't feel like you can talk to me right now. I know this is really hard for you. I'm going to stay close to you and I'll do anything you need me to."
"You called them?"
"Yes. Eva and Filip said that they will protect the children until we know what happened and decide what to tell them."
Victor's eyes closed and a little tremor went through him.
"Thank you," he managed quietly.
The two finished dressing and walked back out into the room, where they found Officer Brouwer stepping back in from the balcony. Yuuri stepped closer to Victor, linking their arms.
"Did you say we should go to the lobby?" Yuuri asked.
The officer studied Victor's tightly controlled expression and still deathly pale face.
"Would it be more comfortable for me to bring someone here?"
Victor shook his head, but said nothing.
"We'll go downstairs with everyone else," Yuuri answered for him.
The three left the suite and walked past Patya's room as they headed to the elevators. Victor slowed and stole a glance into the room, then he shivered under Yuuri's hand that still held onto his arm. Yuuri's worried brown eyes followed his gaze and he nudged Victor gently to get him moving again. The Russian skater remained silent as they rode the elevator down to the first floor, then the doors opened and the officer guided them away from the registration desk, where a number of reporters stood, talking to the hotel manager. They passed through a staff entrance, into one of the hotel's conference rooms, where most of the wedding party had gathered.
"Vitya!" Lilia exclaimed, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around Victor in an unusually warm gesture, "You're a mess, poor boy, but then, who can blame you?"
"I'm sorry, Vitya," Yakov said sadly, moving to join them.
Victor took a shaky breath.
"Th-they are…absolutely sure?" he asked softly, peeking out from where Lilia's arm had partially hidden his anguished face.
Yakov nodded.
"I identified him for the police," he said softly, "It is Patya."
"Okay," Victor whispered, "I need to sit down."
Yakov and Lilia guided him to a chair in the corner of the room and Victor sat and put his face in his hands.
"Yuuri," Yakov said laying a hand on the Japanese skater's arm, "there is a grief counselor over there. Stay with Vitya. I will go and bring her."
"I'm not going to leave him," Yuuri said firmly, "I'm staying right here."
Yuuri sat down in a chair beside Victor.
"I'm right here," he said softly, laying a hand on Victor's shoulder, "I'm going to stay with you."
Victor took a shaky breath and moved one hand to take hold of Yuuri's. He couldn't manage an answer, but he squeezed his husband's hand in response and Yuuri leaned up against him supportively. Lilia remained on Victor's other side with a hand on his other shoulder and her stern eyes watching for Yakov's return.
"Dear god, what is taking that fool so long?" she complained almost immediately.
Her impatience seemed to bolster Victor, and he managed a weak smile.
"It's okay," he assured her, "It hurts, but I'm not going to fall apart right here."
"It would be understandable if you did, poor thing. What a horrible accident."
Victor breathed slowly, his head still ringing with the loss, but reality beginning to break through.
It was an accident.
It has to have been.
Patya wouldn't…
But his mind returned to the dressing room and replayed the impromptu kiss and his angry reaction.
Would he?
He seemed to accept right away that kissing me was wrong. He said it was a mistake, but he had seemed off since our arrival here. I was thinking that. I would have pushed him more to talk to me, but it was right before the ceremony. I told him we would talk later, but after the wedding, I walked him to his room and he seemed fine. I thought he was fine. He was smiling as we said goodnight. He told me I shouldn't keep my new husband waiting.
What was the last thing he said to me?
Just goodnight and my name. There was nothing else. So…it must have been that he had too much to drink. Maybe the room was warm and he just went out onto the balcony…
"Victor?" a woman's voice said quietly.
Victor's breath caught and he startled at the sound.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," the woman apologized as Victor blinked and looked up at her almost sightlessly, "It looks like you're still sort of processing things. Would you like to go somewhere a little more private?"
I don't want to tell them. They might start to think that he…that Patya…
"Victor?" Yuuri called softly, touching his face.
It was just a mistake, right? It was pre-wedding jitters that made him act strangely. Patya has two children and a good life in Saint Petersburg. He always smiles and he is kind to everyone. He was…he was just nervous about the wedding. It wasn't like that. He wouldn't…
No.
"Victor," the woman tried again, "I am Doctor Voss. I know you've gotten a bad shock from the death of your friend. I want to help. It doesn't seem like you feel able to talk right now. Do you think you can take some slow, deep breaths with me? Perhaps with Yuuri?"
Yuuri gave the doctor a trembling smile.
"That's one of the things Victor does sometimes to help me through my panic attacks."
"Exactly," Voss said soothingly, "so, Victor, you already know that these breaths will help you feel better."
Victor nodded briefly and cooperated quietly as Yuuri and the counselor breathed with him.
"Can you tell me what you are feeling in your body, Victor?" Voss asked after a few minutes of calming breaths.
"I-I don't know," Victor answered uncertainly, "I just feel kind of numb…and sick to my stomach."
"You've had a real shock," Voss acknowledged, "Do you feel pain in your stomach or just nausea?"
"Ah…just nausea. I feel dizzy too."
"It's okay," Yuuri said reassuringly, "Lilia and I have got you."
"Take a few more slow breaths with me," Doctor Voss directed him, "In…and out. In…and out. Does that help?"
"I think so. Yes," Victor affirmed, "I still don't feel well, but it does feel better."
"Excuse me," said Officer Brouwer, rejoining the group, "How is Victor doing?"
"Better," Victor answered, "Thank you, officer."
"Victor," Brouwer went on, "I know that now is a difficult time, but I do have some questions that I need to ask you."
Victor gave him a small nod of assent.
"I will try," he offered.
"Good," the officer said approvingly, "First, I want to clarify, what was your relationship with Ipati Pechkin?"
Victor took a steadying breath.
"I know him as Patya," he answered hesitantly, "W-we met when we were children. I had long hair. I kept it that way because it looked good for my programs, but the boys at the school were making fun of me and one of them tried to cut my hair with scissors. Patya jumped in and beat up the ones who were threatening me. Patya and I became best friends. We stayed that way. He was there for me when my parents died in a car accident when I was barely a teen. We dated for about two years before I cut my hair and joined the men's singles division. But…we broke up when Patya said he wanted to have a family. I knew I couldn't give him that, so I let him go. We remained friends, and we grew to be like brothers. I was always at his house and his wife and children and I were all close."
"Your friendship must have been strong to endure with all of that," the officer said appreciatively.
"It is…eh…was," Victor corrected himself, "Patya and I were always close. That never changed, even once we broke up. It only got stronger."
"So, you knew Patya very well?" the officer prompted him.
"Yes," Victor answered.
"And…if something was bothering him, he would tell you?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Now, I understand from other witnesses here, that just prior to the ceremony, Patya was with you in a dressing room?"
"He was."
"Did you talk casually before the wedding? I mean, besides just talking about the ceremony about to happen?"
"We did," Victor affirmed,
"And while you and Patya were talking, do you recall him saying anything indicating that anything was wrong, if anything was bothering him?"
Victor flashed back suddenly, flinching visibly as the memory struck him. The officer's eyes narrowed curiously.
"Victor," he said more sternly, "do you know of any possible reason that Ipati Pechkin might have been depressed? Could something have made him distraught enough to want to take his own life?"