Chapter 5: Father Figure

Victor hugged Patya's two crying children, biting his lip and closing his eyes for a moment to control his own burgeoning emotions. Liev cried silently into his shoulder as Akilina ducked under his chin, sobbing loudly.

"Daddy! I want Daddy!"

"I know," Victor answered softly, holding Liev against him with one arm and patting Akilina gently on the back with his other hand, "I want him to be here too."

"I'm sorry, Vitya," Eva apologized, blinking back tears, "We wanted to give you time to come home and settle in before we came over, but…with everything happening so fast and the children overhearing what was being said…"

"I understand," Victor assured her, extending the arm that was holding Liev, so he could take her hand, "There was just no way to avoid the exposure because of all of the coverage of our wedding. I'm just…sorry that you had to go through…through this and all the media attention too. I did ask them for privacy."

"Don't blame yourself for them not respecting your request," Filip chided him gently, "You didn't ask for the attention and you made an honest effort to stop it. We need to focus now on ourselves and the children."

"Uncle Vitya," Akilina said, looking up at him through teary eyes, "are you going to die too?"

"No!" Victor insisted, shaking his head firmly.

"Everybody dies," Liev said, wiping his eyes, "Don't be stupid, Akulya!"

"I'm not being stupid!" his sister sobbed, "I know everyone dies, b-but…"

"It won't happen for a very long time," Victor said reassuringly, hugging the children against him.

"You don't know that," Liev said, his teeth clenching and his eyes blazing, "We're not babies. You don't have to lie to us!"

"Liev," Victor began, only to be cut off as the little boy's eyes overflowed and he screamed his next words defiantly.

"D-did Daddy fall or…or…?"

Victor gave the boy a stricken look.

"Good gracious, child," Eva said quickly, "who…?"

"He sneaked the TV on when you and Grandpa were talking in the other room," Akilina revealed, earning a petulant glare from her brother.

Liev's devastated eyes focused on Victor's again and Victor flinched, struggling to keep his expression calm.

"Did Daddy fall on accident or on purpose?" the boy sobbed, "Tell the truth!"

Victor stared at the boy wordlessly, his face sheet white.

"Tell the truth!" Live screamed, pushing hard against Victor's shoulders, "Tell the truth!"

Akilina whimpered and retreated to her grandmother's arms and Filip put a bracing arm around the two of them. Yuuri moved closer to where Victor knelt with the distressed boy pushing against him.

"The truth," he said softly, "is that Victor can't answer that question."

"Yuuri…" Victor objected.

"The police have to investigate," Yuuri said calmly, "They have to sort through all of the clues. So, they can't really tell us what happened until they have all of the facts. That is the truth."

Liev looked at Victor for confirmation and the Russian skater nodded briefly.

"Yuuri is right," he agreed, "No more talk about this now. Yuuri and I have had a long flight. We need to bathe and change our clothes."

"Children, why don't you help Grandma fix something for us to eat?" Filip suggested, "I will come and help too. We need to let Vitya and Yuuri to relax a bit, now that we're all here."

"Thank you," Victor mouthed silently as the children followed Eva out of the room.

"Are you all right, Vitya?" Filip asked solemnly, "I am so sorry that Liev heard that."

"It's not your fault," Victor said in a soft, sad voice, "I know you did your best to protect them. It's because of me that the reporters care about this and are putting it all over the news. There are going to be a lot of hard questions I have to answer. I'm fine. I will be fine."

Filip looked ready to object, but seemed to second guess himself, and instead, he nodded.

"Go on, now and clean up," he urged the two, "Eva and I will take care of them."

Victor managed a short nod and followed Yuuri into the master bedroom. As soon as the bedroom door closed, Victor sat down on the bed and put his face in his hands. Yuuri sat down beside him, curling an arm around him and leaning against him as his slender body shook with emotion and he struggled against the torrents of mingled agony and fury that battled to escape him.

"H-how could he do this to them?" Victor managed shakily, "How could he do this to all of us? We were here for him! Yuuri, I let go of him because it's what he said he had to do. I stayed with him and I was his friend through everything! Is it because of that, then?"

"What?" Yuuri asked, giving him a confused look, "Because of what?"

Victor lifted his head and met Yuuri's befuddled gaze with a guilty look.

"Is it because I didn't fight him harder when he left me?" Victor asked in an almost accusing voice.

"Victor, he left you," Yuuri insisted, "not the other way around."

"I know that leaving me was something he said he had to do," Victor reasoned, his eyes filling with tears again, "but that letter made it clear that he was fighting himself too! I should have known he was just confused and didn't really want to break up with me. Maybe, I let go too easily. Maybe…"

"Stop it," Yuuri said firmly, hugging him tightly as Victor broke down, sobbing silently into his shoulder, "You didn't give up too easily. You wouldn't do that, and we both know it. Patya didn't tell you the truth…and maybe…it was because he didn't know what to do, himself."

"But…h-he had all of us!" Victor argued, holding tightly to his husband's shoulder, "W-we were all right there with him, Yuuri! He knew that."

Yuuri nodded.

"Yeah, Patya knew," he said quietly, "but, think about it, Victor. I have a great family who loves me. I have good friends who have always supported me."

"You didn't try to kill yourself," Victor pointed out.

"No," Yuuri agreed, "I didn't. But, I also didn't get the help I really needed for a very long time. To be completely honest, the only reason I did get that help, the only reason that you came to me…is because Yuko's kids sent that viral video of me reaching out to you for help."

Victor wiped his eyes on his sleeve and looked back at Yuuri wordlessly as he continued.

"A person can be surrounded with love, but sometimes they just can't find the strength to reach out for it. To get what we need, we have to be able to do that. It's not your fault that Patya couldn't reach out to you. From what you've told me, he struggled a lot with his parents and with his own identity. Those are the things that burdened his heart, Victor. Those are the things that drove him over the edge. Not Letya or her family, not the children and most of all, not you. Don't blame yourself for what Patya did. It isn't in any way your fault. Not at all."

"I suppose I know that," Victor said more calmly, "I just wish that there could have been a way to stop this. I would have done whatever it took."

"Yeah," Yuuri said, smiling sadly and brushing away a lingering tear on his husband's damp cheek, "I know you would. When you give your heart to someone, you give all of it. I learned that when you gave your love to me."

He slipped a hand into Victor's and coaxed him to his feet.

"C'mon, let's go and clean up. They're going to have dinner waiting for us."

Victor followed Yuuri silently to the master bathroom door, his lips regaining a little smile as Yuuri opened the door, then froze, staring into the newly remodeled bathroom.

"Victor!" he gasped, his widened eyes taking in the somewhat smaller replica of the hot spring room they used so often at Yuutopia Katsuki, "Victor, this is…amazing!"

He stepped into the bathroom, marveling at the fastidious attention to every detail in the room.

"You remember that I said I had a wedding gift for you that was too big to bring along to the wedding?" Victor asked.

"Uh huh," Yuuri managed breathlessly, "I had no idea…"

"I gave pictures to the builder, and I told him I wanted him to fit it into the space I have, but to make it as much like the original as possible. And…"

Victor moved to the edge of the pool, where a dark stone had been set by the edge.

"This stone is from Yuutopia Katsuki. I sent it here for them to use, with your parents' permission, of course."

"Victor…" Yuuri whispered, moving forward and kneeling beside the dark stone, then laying his hand on it.

"It's a little bit of Japan I brought here to make our house, more of a home for both of us."

Happy tears welled up in the corners of Yuuri's brown eyes and he rose and hugged Victor crushingly.

"This is what I meant when I said that you give all of your love," he whispered into his husband's blushing ear, "Vitya, it's the most beautiful gift ever!"

"I'm glad you like it," Victor said, his hands beginning to undress his new spouse, "Of course, it's a little bit of a gift for me too, since you know how I love the hot springs."

"It's perfect," Yuuri sighed, his hands helping Victor's to undress the two of them.

They stepped into the hot water and sank down, sitting on the stone bench set beneath the surface. The two soaked their bodies, breathing slowly and letting the heat drain some of the heaviness of everything that had happened. Victor's head turned and he met Yuuri's moist lips for several long, comforting kisses, and their hands caressed each other gently beneath the water. Gradually, some of the heavy emotion left Victor's eyes and his expression calmed.

"You look better," Yuuri observed, leaning against his husband's shoulder.

"I feel better," Victor assured him, "I am still disbelieving that Patya can really be gone, but you are a great comfort, Yuuri."

"I want to be. More than anything, I want to be able to comfort you when you're hurting. I'll be here for you and the kids, I promise."

"I know you will," Victor said, managing a tentative smile, "and I will be okay."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," Victor affirmed, "I know that the pain of losing Patya isn't going to away quickly, but I have my family and I have my friends. I will let them help me."

"Good," Yuuri sighed, hugging him again, "because I don't want to ever lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either."

Victor paused, his mind working through a sudden touch of memory.

He held Letya's letter in his hands, reading and rereading the words, his eyes filling with tears and his lips quivering as the truth of them struck him squarely.

"No!" he sobbed to the empty house, "It's not true! It's not!"

He crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room, then pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in his arms.

"It's not true! I won't believe it! Patya, he wouldn't…!"

"Victor?" Yuuri's voice said, bringing him back out of the memory and into the steaming hot tub, "Are you okay?"

I should say something.

But…somehow, it's like saying it will make it real. I don't want it to be real. And what does it matter now? Patya is gone. That secret should just die with him. I don't want it.

"I'm okay," Victor lied, "I'm just tired. It was a long flight."

"Yeah," Yuuri agreed, looking as though he knew full well that his husband wasn't being honest with either one of them, "I'm pretty tired myself."

The two climbed out of the hot tub and dried each other slowly, with affectionate hands.

"Thanks again for this room," Yuuri said gratefully, "It does give me a feeling like being home. Of course, you give me an even bigger feeling like that."

"I'm glad," Victor said, kissing his cheek, then his warm lips, "I want you to be at home in Saint Petersburg. I want it to be our home.

"It is."

The two men left the bathroom and dressed in the bedroom before heading out to the kitchen, where the children were helping to lay their dinner out on the table. They took their seats and sat with their heads bowed and their hands joined as Eva said a short blessing over their meal.

"Do you boys feel better, now that you've rested a little and had a soak in that new hot tub?" Eva asked, smiling tiredly.

"I feel much better," Victor said gratefully, "thank you."

"And this food looks delicious," Yuuri said politely, "Thank you for preparing it. Thank you all for making me feel so at home here."

"We're glad to have you with us," Eva answered, smiling at him.

"Uncle Vitya," Akilina said suddenly, "what happened to your eye?"

Victor paused, his fingers reaching up to touch the bruise beneath his eye.

"Oh, it's nothing," he assured the little girl, "I just…had a little accident. It's fine. It doesn't hurt."

"Are you sure you don't want me to take a closer look at it?" Eva offered.

"Oh, no it's okay."

"So," Filip said, changing the subject, "why don't you tell us about the ceremony?"

"Oh, it was perfect," Victor said, smiling at the memory, "Yuuri's parents and sister prepared all of the food, so it was amazing, of course, and the decorations were beautiful."

"I don't think we could have asked for a better day," Yuuri added, "It was wonderful."

"We're so happy for both of you," Eva said, nodding, "I'm just…so sorry that all of this has happened."

"We are too," Yuuri answered solemnly, "But, Victor and I are going to do our best to be here for all of you."

"We know you will," Filip answered gratefully, "Thank you both for that."

Victor's phone buzzed and he glanced at the number, then excused himself.

"Sorry, I have to take this. I will be right back."

He left the table and walked into the living room.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is Officer Visser. Is this Victor Nikiforov?"

"Yes," Victor answered, "What is it? Do you have any new information for us?"

"Yes, actually, I do. We've completed the report on Patya Pechkin's death, and I wanted to pass on to you that…well, it was a little more complicated than we might have expected."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that the toxicology report found lethal levels of a powerful sedative in Patya's system, as well as a large content of alcohol. Given that, it is impossible to conclude that this death was a suicide."

"How do you mean?" Victor asked, "There was a suicide note. I read it in front of you."

"We had the note analyzed and judging from the handwriting, it seems that he wrote it while under the influence of the drug and the alcohol…meaning…"

"Meaning that he could have been out of his mind…" Victor mused.

"Not capable of making a coherent decision. It could mean that he was depressed and he indulged in the sedative and the alcohol to sort of numb the pain, but then, things got out of control. We can't conclude from the evidence at the scene that he made a coherent decision that he wanted to die. At this point, the fall may have been accidental."

"I see."

"Victor, I need to ask you, do you know of anything that might have happened that would have set something like this off?"

Victor froze, his mind going back to Patya's sudden, impulsive kiss and his reaction.

"Mr. Nikiforov?" the officer called through the phone, "Victor?"