Hi everyone, just a quick note to say thank you for reading. This is a series on one shots. It was meant to be snippets to get me back into writing but well… they turned out to be anything but small… oops! Please review and let me know what you think as I would love to hear. Thank you.
Aphenphosmphobia – Clay Spenser
Clay flinched involuntarily yet again as the anger he felt at himself rose up along with his frustration at his involuntary action. "Sorry…" He murmured softly as he looked down at his feet and absentmindedly wrung his hands together as he pressed himself back harder against the wall that he was sat against in their confined quarters even though there was nowhere to go. "It's alright kid." Jason had recognised his mistake before Clay had even flinched, and he recognised the panic in his eyes. Jason crouched down in front of Clay and very carefully held out a fresh bottle of water for him to take knowing he was still dehydrated, or close too after his harrowing ordeal that had clearly left him scarred with invisible scars.
"It's just water kid. Trent wants you to stay hydrated." Jason kept his voice soft as he did his best not to move as he knew Clay needed to reach out, to establish contact first. Jason watched as Clay closed his eyes and, before he could stop him, hit the back of his head hard against the wall, hard enough to make one hell of a loud thud. Jason caught himself and managed to pull his hand back before he made contact with the back of Clay's neck and before he opened his eyes. Although Jason did not miss how Sonny winced as he inched closer to them. "Okay kid, okay. I'll just leave it right here." Jason knew now was not the time to push any further as he could see how much further Clay had paled as his skin was almost translucent, how the beads of sweat began to pool on his forehead and how his breathing began to speed up. He very softly placed the bottle of ice cold water down on the floor in front of Clay before he slowly moved back giving him the space that he needed seeing all of the guys close by subtly watching on. With one look and a nod towards the door, the men filed out one by one, following after him.
Clay heard as the men, as his brothers, filed out of the small space leaving him alone and he opened his eyes only to raise his hands up and cover his face with them as he focused on calming himself down. It felt like his body was at war with his mind, and he was angry at that betrayal. He knew he was safe, was back at base, with his brothers but the idea of anyone touching him sent him spiralling steadfast into a panic. He knew what had triggered it, knew why he did not want to be touched but he had no idea how to overcome it. He had been through SERE training, had learnt how to disassociate with what was happening when it was happening but it had not prepared him to deal with this. He swore he could still feel the calloused hands against his skin, could still feel how cold they were as they searched him again and again, could still feel as the nails dug into his skin as they pinched and squeezed him. A violent shudder ran up his spine and an almost pained groan escaped his lips as he curled in on himself as much as he could as he let his eyes close again.
Jason stopped once he and the rest of his men were far enough away to not be heard but close enough that if Clay needed them they would be back inside within seconds before he looked at the men who all looked just as lost as he felt. "Trent?" He questioned hoping to convey what he wanted to ask without actually having to say the words out loud. Trent had managed to get close enough to Clay to check him over when that had first got him back almost forty eight hours ago although it had been a long drawn out process with plenty of breaks when the panic almost became too much for Clay to handle; although Trent had been unable to get close since, it was still a glimmer of hope for them all and hopefully he could give them some insight because even Jason had not been privy to the debrief that had taken place.
Trent let out a sigh, an exhausted sigh, before he carded his hands through his hair and looked around at his brother's faces seeing the same feeling of exhaustion and underlying fear in each of them. "It's not a voluntary action. He doesn't mean to flinch or panic, he just can't stand being touched at the moment. And it's frustrating him even more than it is us." He explained as best as he could without knowing what exactly had led Clay to have this fear.
"He can't even stand having Cerberus near him. He's never, not once, flinched at Cerb before." Brock frowned knowing that Davis had taken Cerb to TOC with her to keep him occupied and away from Clay. It was hard to keep Cerb away when he did not understand what was going on or why he couldn't be near Clay like he wanted to be. Of course, the hair missile was well in tune with everyone on the team and knew when something was not right.
Sonny pushed the brim of his cap up as he chewed down on the toothpick in his mouth. He went to speak but clamped his lips closed before he opened his mouth again. "What the hell did they do to him?" He asked angrily hating how fragile their confident rookie had become.
"What can we do? How can we help him? Because this cannot be good for him, all of the flinching and panicking cannot be good for him." Ray knew that no one except Clay could answer Sonny's question and he somehow doubted that it would ever be fully answered so the best course of action was to figure out how to help Clay through this because as of right now in his current condition he could not be a Tier One Operator if he could not be touched or in close proximity to others and that was something they did not even want to entertain. "His career as an operator could be threatened if we don't help him, or get him help." That statement made everyone shudder as it was clear that no one else had considered it. Jason glared at Ray who quickly put his hands up in a surrendering manner though it did little to quell that anger that flared and was radiating from Jason.
"I'm just as lost as we all are." Trent shrugged hating how helpless he felt. "We need to talk to him, understand what is happening and make him understand that it is okay." He figured it was the best place to start as they were trying to keep this strictly in house with Bravo as they did not need the Brass getting wind of any of this. "Get Davis and Cerb as well." He added as an idea popped into his mind.
"Brock just said that he couldn't stand Cerb being near him. Now you want to torture him with Cerb?" Sonny almost growled as he went to step closer to Trent but was quickly corralled by Ray with a hand on his chest and a look that said not to take another step forward. "How is crowding him with another person going to help him as well?" He added at Trent's suggestion of including Davis. He did not like the thought of stressing their little brother out even further when he was already so distressed.
Trent turned around and looked up at the sky as he took a few deep breaths before he turned around and faced his rather impatiently waiting brothers. "We're not the problem but we might not be helping." The looks of confusion that met him would have been comical if it was not for the situation they found themselves in.
"What the hell does that mean?" Sonny bit out as he held his ground despite how much he was ready to shake Trent to get him to explain.
"Trent?!" Jason growled at the same time in no mood for cryptic words and riddles although he reined himself in before he said anything more as he knew that Trent was right, that they were all lost and in murky territory.
Brock's jaw dropped as he realised what Trent was hinting at, and he met Trent's eyes. "Because we are men?" Brock asked in confirmation to Trent's thinking. Trent nodded once grateful that he was not the one who had said it aloud. "Okay, Davis I get but why Cerb?" He added on still not understanding that part.
"Clay loves Cerb so let's ease him into being touched. But let's put Cerb in his vest so he is in work mode, at least in the beginning." Trent told them a little bit more of the rough and loose plan that was forming in his head. Brock realised what Trent was getting at by putting Cerb in his vest he would be less anxious and hopefully it would make Clay less anxious.
"What about us? What should we do?" Jason asked uncharacteristically uncomfortable.
"I have no idea how or if this is going to work but we need to be patient, remain calm, listen, go at his own pace and let him reach out first." Trent had no idea how this landed on him well actually he did after all he was the medic but this was still was beyond the usual scope of his job. He looked at each of the guys as he spoke and then after he had finished speaking.
"Okay, I'll go get Davis and Cerb." Brock nodded knowing that they had to do it now if they were going to do it otherwise it would only become even harder, not that it would ever be easier.
"I'll come with you." Sonny knew that Brock would have his hands full with Cerb but he also realised that he needed to take a few moments before he saw Clay again, and before they went through with this vague and still developing plan of Trent's. Brock nodded and headed off with Sonny in step with him.
Jason glanced over at Ray who was doing a terrible job at hiding his worry although he was sure he looked the same way before he looked over at Trent who was looking over at the building that was their quarters and where Clay was still holed up. Ray pursed his lips as he followed Jason's line of sight to Trent who almost looked perplexed and he wondered if Jason was going to ask but it did not seem like he was. However before Ray could ask the question that Jason hadn't, Sonny and Brock arrived back with Davis and Cerb who was in work mode as he was in his vest and on a short leash.
"What's going on?" Davis asked with her concern evident as it had seeped into her voice as all she knew was that Sonny and Brock had barged into TOC demanding her and Cerb come with them and then practically dragged both of them out with a quick stop at the equipment shed to get Cerb suited up.
"Trent thinks Clay is panicking because we are men so we need you and Cerb to help him initiate contact." Sonny explained it in lament's terms as he still did not fully understand what the plan was.
Davis easily backhanded Sonny's bicep making him look at her with a scowl but before he could ask she shushed him and turned her attention to Trent. "Trent, do you want to explain it to me? Tell me what it is you want me to do?" Davis had seen the distress that the whole team was in, none more so than Clay, and she knew how out of their element they were but if Trent thought she could help then she would because she loved Clay just as much as they did.
"Take it slow, let him tell us what he is comfortable with… I don't exactly have a plan but we will figure it out as we go." Trent hated going in blind like all of the team but they had to start somewhere.
"We'll let you take the lead brother." Jason knew that it would be best to follow Trent's lead as he had been the closest to Clay so far even though it had not been without its challenges. Trent nodded and with a final inhale he headed for their quarters again.
SEAL TEAM
Clay jerked upright as he felt himself listing to the side before he recognised the familiar echoes of footsteps, of navy issue boots. He didn't open his eyes or remove his hands from his face but he did tense up as the room became filled as he noted everyone's presence and heard Cerb whine softly.
Trent did not miss how Clay had jerked nor how tense he became as they re-entered the room as he sat down on the wooden floor about four feet away from Clay on the back on his heels making a mental note that the bottle of water remained untouched where Jason had placed it. He silently motioned for Lisa to sit next to him and she followed willingly as she sat cross legged next to him making sure to maintain the same distance. Jason, Ray, Sonny and Brock with Cerberus held closely at his side all took up positions behind them around the room.
"Clay, can you look at me please?" Trent kept his voice low and soft, almost as if he was talking to a scared child. "I know you don't want to be touched, we all know that, and none of us are going to do anything that you are not okay with." He continued not getting any response that he silently and desperately hoped for. "I know you feel frustrated but we won't hurt you Clay. No one in here wants to cause you any pain." It felt ridiculous to say but he knew Clay needed to hear it.
"I know that." Clay mumbled out from behind his hands as he pulled his legs tighter up towards his chest.
Trent glanced over at Davis as she placed her hand on his forearm and silently asked if she could try talking to him. Trent nodded and pushed himself backwards so as not to overcrowd her while she silently reached out for Cerb's lead from Brock who handed it over to her silently while Cerb easily moved the short distance to lay down at her side with his head on his paws as he looked over at Clay intently.
"It's okay to feel everything that you feel Clay, it's okay. You're safe now, you are safe." Davis kept her voice soft but firm as she absentmindedly scratched behind Cerb's ears. "Trent was not implying that you think that any of us are going to hurt you… We just want you to feel safe enough to let us in, to tell us what is going on inside that head of yours, and so that we can help because we can help and we want too." She could see him shift minutely as she was sure that he was uncomfortable, after all he had been sitting on the wooden floor for hours and it was not the most comfortable place to sit.
"It's irrational." Clay's words made everyone look at each other as they did not understand although they were relieved that he had started to talk.
"What is?" Davis wanted him to explain as she had to force herself not to move. There was a large part of her that just wanted to hold Clay in her arms and hug him as he reminded her of a terrified child but she knew that she could not risk making him panic. Davis felt as Sonny leaned forward and placed a hand on her shoulder seeing the internal debate that was going on inside of her as he understood it, truthfully each and every person in the room did. Cerb belly crawled a foot forward and let out a short soft whine when he could not go any further as the lead was pulled taut.
Clay let his legs slide down so that they were flat and splayed against the floor before he let his hands drop from his face and rest down on the top of his thighs but his eyes remained closed and he somehow managed to tilt his head back so he was facing up towards the ceiling. No one missed the small grimaces of pain that crossed his face or the way he pulled his bottom lip in with his teeth and held it as he moved slowly.
"Can Cerb come closer Clay? He'd really like to lay with you." Davis knew it was a risk, knew that Clay had not explained what he meant by his words but they could always circle back around to it. She felt as Sonny's grip unintentionally became tighter on her shoulder and she would have squirmed if it had not have been for Jason who cautiously reached out and gave Sonny's wrist a light squeeze that made him relax his grip but keep his hand in place.
Clay shook his head from side to side as his hands curled into fists and he dug his fingernails into his palms. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. "I can still feel the hands on my skin." The words slipped out even though he had not meant for them too. "It's irrational because I know where I am, I know who is with me but I can't stop myself from reacting. And I hate that I can't control it." He bit down on his lip so hard that it split open and a narrow trail of blood made its way down his chin.
Davis glanced back at Trent before she turned her attention back to Clay and to Cerb. In that second she made a decision and she let Cerb have a little more length on his lead until he belly crawled forward enough so that the tip of his front paws were pressed up against Clay's ankle before she restricted him once more waiting to gauge his reaction. "They can't touch you anymore Clay." She reassured him seeing how his left hand unclenched and reached out hesitantly towards Cerb. She let go of the lead completely and watched as Cerb kept his movements slow as he shuffled towards Clay's outstretched hand and nudged the hand with his wet nose. Davis relaxed back as Trent inched forward again while the rest of the team relaxed minutely as they had made progress. Sonny moved down so that he was seated just behind and off to the side of Davis before he looked back at Jason, Ray and Brock who all remained seated yet close by.
"Clay, can you open your eyes for me? I'd really like to see those baby blues of yours." Sonny's soft voice bought out his southern drawl in the most intense way. As soon as he spoke he found himself holding his breath as he wondered if he had pushed too far. "Let yourself see us Clay." He hoped it would help to ground him. Cerb crawled closer until his head was laid on Clay's thigh with his nose pressed against his hip and they all let out a breath when he did not panic at the physical contact that Cerb has offered.
It wasn't that Clay couldn't open his eyes, it was that he simply did not want too. He did not want to see the disappointment or the worry or the sympathy or any other of the multitude of emotions that he was sure he would see in the eyes of those that surrounded him. But he knew that he could not keep them closed forever. With a few more deep breaths he finally opened his eyes and looked over at Sonny before his eyes shifted around the room at everyone else in a quick fleeting motion as he fought to control the panic that rose up within him before his eyes landed on Cerb who was still against him.
"We're not going anywhere kid." Jason assured him making him glance up and over at him before his eyes once against found their way back to his hand that now rested between Cerb's ears. "We're here." Jason reiterated it in the hopes that the more he heard it then he would believe it if he had any doubt.
The lack of eye contact was concerning to all of them as it had definitely not gone unnoticed by any of them although they all had the good sense not to mention it. "Clay, do you think you can reach your other hand out to mine?" Sonny wanted to get him to uncurl his right hand from its fisted position, and hoped that he would realise it was okay to initiate contact with them.
"No." Clay shook his head vigorously ignoring how the movement made his head protest even more as he still had one hell of a headache. He wanted to be able to but he could not bring himself too, the mere thought made him nauseous which he swallowed down.
"Okay… It's alright." Trent quickly assured him as the last thing he wanted was for Clay to work himself up into a panic or rather another one, and he noted how he was becoming paler which every movement almost grey even. "Just take a few deep breaths for us Spense." He instructed hoping to quell the onset of panic and pain.
"Spense, hey, tell me where you are, what you can feel and what you can hear." Brock figuratively stepped in although he did not move from where he was sat as the last thing Clay needed was to feel crowded on top of what he was already feeling. "Where you are, what you can feel, and what you can hear." He repeated seeing that he was fighting against the panic.
"B-Base… Cerb… m…my h-he-heart." Clay answered fumbling over the words a little but he was doing his best to keep inhaling and exhaling.
"Good, that's really good. You are on base. You can feel Cerb. And you can hear your heart. That's good." Brock had remembered the technique from an old first aid course pamphlet from years ago. "Now I want you to tell me what you want right now, I want you to tell me what you need right now." Brock knew this part could backfire on him as Clay could take the opportunity to push them away but there was a piece of him that didn't believe that was what their little brother wanted given what he had said although he did not miss the way Trent tensed or the scowl that Sonny sent his way.
"I don't want this…" The words were rushed out and harsh sounding.
"Don't want what Clay?" Brock probed as there were a number of things that his answer could mean.
"This… this fear of being touched… I don't want to feel like this." Clay gasped and arched his back away from the wall as his lungs burned and his chest heaved painfully before he slumped back as Cerb pawed at his thigh and nuzzled closer to him.
"And you won't forever. It's just going to take some time which is alright. We have time." Brock assured him although he was aware that time was not exactly on their side. Brock glanced around the room hoping someone would jump in and take over for him as he had no idea where to go from where they had gotten too.
"Why don't we talk things though? Set some perimeters and goals to work towards? Maybe even try one or two?" Ray had noticed how Brock was looking around for someone to take over so he stepped up with the first thing that came into his mind. Targets, just like when they were on a mission and had code words that checked off a successful step, were what they needed. In his mind they had already reached two targets: 1) Getting Clay to talk to them and, 2) Getting Clay to make contact with Cerb even though it had been Cerb who had initiated the contact but Clay had been receptive unlike before.
"Like what?" Clay asked as he resumed scratching the space between Cerb's ears settling the dog and himself.
"Why don't we start with one of us sitting next to you but not touching you? And once you are comfortable with that you can reach out and check that person's pulse then they can check yours once you feel ready for it?" Davis suggested lightly seeing that Trent wanted to perform another medical examination as he was as concerned as she and everyone else was about his health. She hoped that it would be help to make him feel safe and secure enough that it would allow for progress.
Clay did not look up and they all could see how his bottom lip was once more curled in between his teeth and bitten down on making it bleed again as he weighed Davis' suggestion. The look of hesitation made them all ache but they remained silent as they waited for him to decide despite the internal debate that was clearly raging on inside of him. With a shaky exhale and a very subtle nod, Clay agreed to the suggestion. "We can stop though?" He asked after a few short moments wanting nothing more than to curl in on himself again but he told himself that Cerb was comfortable so he made an effort not to curl up as a response to the panic he felt.
"We can stop if it is too much Clay, I promise." Davis spoke quickly as everyone else nodded in silent agreement. She was relieved that he was clearly receptive to the idea of trying her suggestion(s) as it meant he really did want to work through it.
"Okay." Clay hesitantly agreed as he raised his free hand to swipe at the blood that was on his chin, wiping at it with the back of his hand and stemming the flow.
"Okay." Davis answered as she looked around at the guys again to see who would be best to do what had been agreed upon. Trent being the medic was the ideal option but somehow she figured he was not the best option right now as he had already been close. "Can Brock sit next to you?" Her question caught all of the men off guard as they looked at her questioningly but Brock had an easy going and calming nature that meant he was her pick for this first step. Clay nodded once but gave nothing more so Davis nodded towards Brock who slowly made his way over to beside Clay.
Brock, nor did anyone else, did not miss how Clay tensed as he got closer to him but unless Clay told them to stop they would keep going. Brock eased himself down onto the floor next to Clay with a space of about five inches between them and waited, unwilling to push any further. Brock made sure that his arm was laid down on top of his thigh so that his wrist was exposed if and when Clay was ready to take the next step.
Clay blew out a harsh ragged breath and swiped at his still bleeding lip once more with the back of his now blood smeared hand. He glanced sideways with his eyes towards Brock as he forced himself to calm down and acknowledge his presence next to him. "Brock?" Clay mumbled softly with a weariness he had never felt before after a few minutes of silence that felt like it had become awkward.
"Yeah Spense?" Brock sent a quick glance towards the rest of the team before he answered Clay.
Clay shook his head dismissing anything that he wanted to say and instead focused on how suffocating the silence had begun to feel. "Can someone talk about anything?" His question seemed to catch them all off guard yet again. "Don't like the silence right now." He added in way of explaining why he had asked and could see the recognition of what he was asking for.
"Have you heard the story of the time Sonny got left with a series of bright red lipstick prints all over him and his uniform?" Davis' smirk had Sonny blushing as the rest of the men began to smirk as they recalled the story.
"You're just jealous." Sonny groused not wanting to relive it but if the kid needed to hear something, anything, than he would. Clay pouted his lips together but shook his head signalling that he had not heard the story before.
"Jase, I think you better tell this one. The story does not need any embellishments." Ray withheld the laugh that threatened to escape his lips as he could still recall the stunned look on Jason's face when they had found the Texan.
Jason swiped a hand over his face before he gently shoved Ray away seeing his 2IC's amusement and knowing how hard it was to tell the story with a straight face. "We were on a rescue mission and were searching through this house…" Jason began trying to control himself.
"Mansion boss…" Ray cut in, correcting him, as the place was a mansion with way too many rooms to search.
"…Searching through this mansion and we split up to cover more ground as we were trying to locate a missing American… Anyway in the midst of searching Sonny goes missing, we have no contact with him so we start tracing back to the last point of known contact." Jason was trying his best to skip some of the details that might put Clay on edge like the missing man had supposedly been taken and was being held hostage.
"I did not go missing." Sonny had the decency to look sheepish even as he rejected the label he had been given in this story.
"You didn't respond to any radio calls." Davis pointed out with a waggle of her finger at him.
"I was a little busy." Sonny answered straight away.
"Oh yeah you were." Trent teased with a smirk although his eyes did not leave Clay who he could see was listening.
"Either way we could not locate him straight away. We end up finding him and the missing man under attack from a bunch of rather excited women." Jason stopped the bickering that was sure to break out just as it did every time this story was told although the bickering was usually over the embellishments that were added each time it was told as it was truly one of the more outlandish stories that they had come home with.
"Sex starved maniacs is a more accurate description boss." Trent quipped lightly seeing how Clay's body was relaxing and how his free hand was hovering in the air as it kept reaching towards Brock's wrist but was retracted just as quickly.
"There were probably forty women split into two groups. Sonny had been taken by surprise…" Jason snickered at his own words before he continued. "… I don't think there was a single space on him, his uniform or his gun that did not have lip stick prints." He could still recall how shocked the man who spent a lot more time than any of them in strip clubs and surrounded by strippers looked at the onslaught although it had been hard to see the man who had been blindsided and ended up on the floor covered by the women.
"Never seen a man with two loaded guns before look so defenceless." Ray was quick to point out.
"Couldn't exactly throw a frag now could I?" Sonny really hated this story, and what he hated more was the smirks on his brothers faces and Davis'.
Brock remained quiet throughout the story because throwing jabs at Sonny was less important as he had seen the same thing as Trent. Each time that Clay reached his free hand out he would get a little closer before he would retract it back into his body again. Brock did not miss the slight tremble in Clay's fingertips though although he was not sure how much of that was bought on by fear or the fact that Clay was still not recovered from the dehydration and starvation.
"Those women weren't exactly the easiest to corral into letting either of us go if I recall. Certainly were not into listening to the orders of the US Navy, after all I had already tried that." Sonny pointed out knowing that even the great Jason Hayes' orders had not been followed by those women at first.
Clay was not paying attention to the words that were being said around him instead he was focusing on his attempts, however many he made, to reach out to check Brock's pulse like Davis had suggested but every time he got closer he would recoil. He silently cursed himself and his actions as he tried to formulate a plan in his head. With one final sigh he turned his head so that he was facing Brock, so that he could see him, and forced his hand to reach out. He nimbly wrapped his fingers around Brock's bare wrist and found the pulse point that he knew was there all the while forcing himself to remain calm and keep his hand where it was. "That's it Clay." Brock spoke softly somewhat surprised that it had not taken as long as he thought it would for Clay to make the contact that they had decided on.
Davis smiled as soon as Trent nudged her and she followed his line of sight to see that Clay was steadily holding onto Brock's wrist and checking his pulse while Sonny and Ray went back and forth with corrections and jabs about the story that had just been told. Davis glanced over at Jason who was smiling as he was watching the scene between the two of his men just as she and Trent were.
Clay looked at Brock more for reassurance than anything else before he glanced back down at Cerb who exhaled loudly sending a whoosh of hot air over him. "Do you want me to try and check your pulse Clay?" Brock asked seeing that Clay had opened and closed his mouth a few times before to speak but had not ended up saying anything. Clay nodded but Brock was hesitant to move forward on that mere action alone. "Need you to tell me Spense." Brock felt like it was the best option to have verbal consent from Clay so that he felt that he was in control.
"Try please." Clay rushed out in a loud whisper unintentionally tightening his hold on Brock's wrist not that Brock was about to mention anything because instead of rejecting contact Clay was initiating it.
"Remember you say stop and we can stop." It felt important to Brock to reiterate that again before he lifted the hand that was not beneath Clay's and gently moved it towards his wrist. Brock stopped just above Clay's wrist as he saw the panic fill his eyes but a small nod spurred him into action. Brock placed his hand down on Clay's wrist and with practised ease found his pulse that was a lot faster than it should have been. He sent a look towards Trent as he mentally counted the beats per minute.
Clay desperately wanted to recoil and curl up but there was something comforting about the touch too. He knew what was different, he knew where he was and who he was with, and he knew all of that helped. "You're doing great Spense." Brock comforted him after having finished taking his pulse although he had not let go instead Brock swiped his thumb steadily over the underside of his wrist a couple of times having made a mental note of the trembling that he could feel.
"I'm tired." The admission was not a surprise given that he had not slept since they had gotten him back and a mental count by Trent quickly concluded that it had to have been at least ninety six hours since the kid had had more than a few minutes sleep which would have been when they had left base on their mission as he knew he had not slept more than fifteen minutes since they had gotten him back as every time he would let his eyes close he would jerk himself awake, and he doubted that his captors would have let him rest at all because he was sure that Clay would have not let himself rest either.
"We know that you are kid and you can go to sleep for as long as you want to once you have something to drink and eat." Trent hated that he had to force Clay to stay awake a little longer but he really wanted to get something into his stomach before he let him sleep although he did not care what it was that he ate as long as it was something. The last thing Clay needed was to be hooked up to an intravenous drip so they could give him fluids as that would surely set him back but he was already dehydrated or have to have an NG tube forced into his body to give him the nutrients that he needed.
"Cerb will stay with you when you sleep." Brock still had not let go of Clay and was still gently swiping his thumb back and forth over his wrist although he had noticed that Clay's hold had relaxed somewhat but remained present.
"How about one of those peanut butter protein bars that you like?" Sonny knew the kid had an unhealthy obsession with the peanut butter protein bars that Davis always had a stash of after she had introduced him to them, and never once had the offer of one of those failed to get him to eat. Clay nodded as he let out a yawn but forced himself to keep his eyes open still looking on wearily.
"I'll go and get you a few of them. Why don't you start with some water?" Davis made sure to keep her movements slow as she rose to her feet knowing that Trent wanted to get his fluid intake up as well and the bottle of water was still untouched in front of him. Davis nodded towards Trent as she stepped around Sonny and slipped out of the tight quarters heading for her own quarters to get a box of the protein bars and she wanted to stop by the teams supply shed to get one of the extra thick and cosy blankets that she always packed when they were deployed just for occasions like this where extra comfort was needed although she was thankful for how rare they were.
"Bunk?" Clay questioned tiredly as his exhaustion was finally winning as he finally turned his attention towards Trent with pleading eyes.
"We'll help you into your bunk as soon as you have eaten a bar and had some water." Trent decided to take the lead knowing that if he went in his bunk now that he would be asleep within seconds. He was relieved that Clay was not fighting them on having something to eat or drink but he also suspected that it was only because he was so exhausted; either way he was not about to comment on it.
"Clay I want you to let go of Cerb and take the bottle of water from Trent. He is just going to open it for you." Brock instructed knowing that the water would no longer be ice cold but it would suffice for now and he figured that Clay did not have the strength to open the bottle up. Brock also did not want to risk breaking the contact that Clay seemed content to have with him so it was easier to get him to let go of Cerb who would stay pressed up against him as he was. Trent sent a glance Brock's way as they silently communicated as both were watching for changes in Clay as Trent slowly lent forward and grabbed the bottle of water then removed the cap and held it out to Clay to take.
Clay hesitated which everyone noticed especially after how wearily he had watched Trent take the water and remove the cap before he finally reached out and took the bottle of water. "Small sips Spense." Sonny kept his voice soft as he reminded Clay to take small sips because the last thing he needed was to feel worse than he already did. Clay wanted to push the bottle of water away but he knew that he had to drink, had to try at least. He raised the bottle to his lips and took a small sip as instructed; relishing the way the water took away the dryness in his mouth and down his throat as he swallowed. After a few more small sips, he pushed the bottle away from him not even realising that it was Sonny who reached out and took it from him whilst being careful not to accidently make any contact as he did so.
Clay looked up as Davis ambled her way back into the quarters carrying a large blanket and a box of the protein bars he liked. She passed the blanket to Ray who had a look of surprise on his face before she leaned down using Sonny's shoulder to brace herself against and held out the box to Trent. Trent had seen how Clay's interest had piqued when Davis had arrived back just as everyone else's had but he was more focused on the box that she held out to him. With ease Trent opened the box and pulled out one of the wrapped bars seeing that Clay's eyes were following each and every movement with caution and so with that knowledge Trent moved so that Clay had a clear line of sight as he unwrapped the bar and then held it out for him to take. The look of mistrust that projected from Clay was heart breaking but then again there was nothing about this that was easy for any of them.
"Bunk please?" Clay really had no interest in eating the bar that Trent was holding out especially how his stomach was already reacting to the few small sips of water that he had drunk.
"You just need to have a few bites Clay." Ray had glanced over to Jason who looked ready just to let Clay crawl into his bunk without anything to eat because of how scared and child-like he had sounded but Ray knew that he would only feel even worse if that happened. Ray did not care if Clay did not finish the whole bar but a few bites were better than nothing, and they could always get him something else once he woke up. Ray could see that everyone was affected just like he was but the last thing and the worst thing they could do for Clay was waiver especially on something that was so important to his health.
"A couple of bites and then you can sleep for as long as you like." Jason reinforced Ray and Trent's insistence that Clay eat, or at least try to eat, a few bites of the peanut butter protein bar. He did not want to make it an order as he was sure that would be detrimental but if he had too then he was prepared to do so.
Clay glanced down at Cerb who had remained where he lay between his legs. "Don't even think about it. Cerb can't share the bar with you." Brock teased lightly capturing Clay's attention once more although he knew that Clay wouldn't try to feed Cerb any of it. Clay exhaled loudly but found himself reaching out for the offered bar knowing that his team were not going to compromise on him having something to eat despite how much he hoped they would.
Davis, as soon as Clay had taken the first small bite of the bar and had managed to swallow it down, pushed herself up off of the floor and made her way over to Clay's bed silently thankful that he had one of the bottom bunks only stopping to take the blanket that she had shoved into Ray's arms back from him. She knew that he did not need an audience to watch him sit and eat but she could not help occasionally glancing over at him as she turned down the bedding and spread the cuddly blanket over top then fluffed the standard issue pillow.
Clay pushed the bar away from himself and dropped it into Trent's outstretched hand when it was almost three quarters of the way gone as he was unable to stomach anymore. "Sleep now?" He asked as it was all he could focus on as he was tired of fighting to stay awake; first he had to stay awake throughout the mission which had included an arduous hike then he had to stay awake and alert during his confinement then it was during the medical assessment until now.
Brock glanced at Trent at the question knowing that Trent was not satisfied medically but they had made some progress and for that Trent would just have to be accepting. The next question was how to get Clay up and off of the floor then over to his bunk without causing him any further panic and pain as they were all sure that he was not going to make it over on his own. Clay had not shifted away from Brock the entire time he struggled through the bar as he had nibbled on it. "Yeah Spense, you can go to sleep as soon as you are in your bed." Brock assured him softly seeing that he was fading fast as he had finally relaxed enough to let his body give in to its exhaustion. "Can someone else give me a hand to get you up off the ground?" Brock continued knowing it was a precarious situation he found himself in as it could be the push that was too far. Clay was overtired and his body was failing him even as he nodded as even speaking felt beyond him now. "Okay, thank you. Cerb." Brock was grateful that his question had not caused a reaction but it was not a guarantee that there would not be one once someone moved into help before he called Cerb and gestured with his hand for the protective dog to move which was begrudgingly obeyed.
With careful movements, Sonny managed to get himself positioned to take Clay's elbow once Brock had twisted himself around without breaking the hold Clay had on his wrist, and between the two of them they managed to get him up off of the floor and up on his feet although neither of them missed how tense his body had become beneath their hands. Clay's body protested the movement in its entirety as every single part of him ached; the grimace that escaped his lips was easily heard in the silence of the confined quarters.
"There you go." Sonny withheld the smirk that wanted to make an appearance as he and Brock stepped back from the bed and watched as Davis stepped forward making sure that Clay was comfortable on his side and tucked in with the blankets right up to his chin before Cerb crawled up and nestled into his side. Clay let out a soft mumbled 'thanks' as his eyes were already closed and his breathing evened out quickly as he finally allowed himself to sleep.
Davis smiled fondly at the blonde who looked years younger once he was asleep with his chin nuzzled into the blankets that he had a secure grip on as the edges of it were held securely in his fisted hands as he laid on his side facing towards them. A part of her wanted to protect him and stay by his side to make sure that his sleep was restful rather than restless but she knew that Clay would not appreciate her or the others watching him sleep although they would not be far away from him especially in the coming weeks and months.
"Come on." Davis nudged Brock and Sonny with her hands on their arms as they had not stepped away knowing that Jason, Ray and Trent were all watching on and waiting as it looked like there would be some things to discuss.
"Look at you being all maternal Davis." Sonny could not help himself or refrain from making the comment but truthfully it was a sweet sight and he knew it was something she would do for any of them, hell she had already before. With a pointed glare that softened once she glanced back to make sure that he had not been roused by Sonny's voice she made both men return to the other side of the room and followed behind them. "You all need to get a shower and have something to eat yourselves, maybe even grab a nap while he's sleeping as well." She knew that they had not stopped either and while the men of Bravo would take care of Clay they also needed someone to take care of them or remind them to take care of themselves. The last suggestion of napping while Clay napped was not lost on her especially with Sonny's comment about her being maternal but she ignored it as she saw him smirk and raise an eyebrow towards her.
"We will but there are things we have to discuss first." Jason looked at Trent for guidance although he knew that Davis was right especially as he looked around at his men who all looked as haggard as he felt.
"I know." Davis sat back down on the floor already having a fair idea of what was going to be discussed.
"Honestly we achieved more than I thought we would considering I really didn't have a plan." Trent shrugged as he looked at Davis who had been a monumental part in getting Clay to talk and accept that he was safe.
"What happens next though?" Sonny asked as his eyes once more flickered over to Clay to make sure he was still sleeping undisturbed. The softness of his voice did not go unnoticed by the rest of the men as they knew how close the two were and it had to hurt that Clay was reacting the way he was after all it was hurting them all and the bond was different between them.
"We will have to reassess when he wakes up to see where he is at. We have to remember he has been awake for at least ninety six hours and that kind of sleep deprivation could be making things worse. On top of that he is also dehydrated and until just now I doubt he has had anything to eat since we left base for our mission. I know I did not see him snack on anything while we were watching and waiting until we got the green light to move in." Trent was quick to remind them of the basics which were not helping Clay and his state. "But in saying that he does recognise that he is safe in his head, it is just his body that has not caught up completely." There was a light dash of relief that went through the room.
"Maybe we should still err on the side of caution though until we are completely sure?" Ray was hesitant to say it aloud which is why it sounded far more questioning than he meant it too.
"Probably a good idea." Jason agreed readily seeing the nod of agreement from Brock. "What are you thinking?" The question was directed at Ray but was open for everyone to answer after all they were all involved and they all needed to be in agreement so that it would be easier on the kid.
"Before anyone initiates contact make sure to ask if it can be helped. And if Spense wants to initiate contact then let him?" Brock suggested with a shrug although he knew the 'if it can be helped' stipulation would be questioned as soon as he said it although he could also see Trent nodding in agreement.
"What do you mean 'if it can be helped'? Why wouldn't it be?" Sonny immediately felt defensive and protective all at once as he glared at Brock who looked resigned and exhausted as they all felt.
"We might not be with him all the time and someone might reach out as we can't exactly share this with anyone. Or we might be in close proximity or accidently brush against him. All I am saying is that we do not know if there will be something that triggers a reaction and until we do know then we need to be aware of ourselves and others around him." Brock pinched the bridge of his nose after he had finished talking before he saw the look of resignation settle across Sonny's face as he reminded himself that they were all frazzled by the entire event.
"I really prefer you not talking." Sonny grimaced although he knew that it was something that would have to be considered.
"Sonny." Davis reprimanded merely by the tone of her voice although she knew that he was just as hurt as the others by what had happened to Clay and how it had affected him and all of them, and for that he could not be blamed.
"It's just until we know more. We might get lucky and it might just be that he is overwhelmed by everything or it might be a bit of work but either way we will get the kid through it." Jason stepped in to quell the rant that was sure to happen, a real Sonny Quinn special.
"Let's wait and see. For now its time to shower, eat and get some sleep for all of you. I'll stay here while you go get cleaned up." Davis was firm in her orders even though she knew that they would return as quick as they could as they were already hesitate to not be near him. Each of the men looked at each other than to Davis before they looked over at Clay who still had not moved at all but was finally sleeping.
"Davis is right. Showers, food, and sleep for all us. Best way to help the kid is by taking care of ourselves so we can take care of him in whatever way he needs us to do so." Jason was hesitant to leave Davis alone with Clay not because he did not trust her but because he was worried how Clay would react if he woke and found that they were not close by. However he knew that it was never wise to underestimate Davis after all she had been a massive part in getting Clay to open up to them even though it was only the beginning. And he knew she was right as none of them had been worried about their own hygiene and health with Clay missing and then in the state that he was.
"Go. I've got him, and Cerb isn't going anywhere." Davis could see the sense of fear that was simmering within the men at being away from their little brother but a short reprieve was best for all of them as they would be relied upon heavily in the coming days. With that final push the men followed as Jason lead them out albeit hesitantly.
SEAL TEAM
Sonny glanced at his watch yet again before he looked over at Trent who looked just as impatient as he felt as the fourteenth hour clicked by. "Are you sure we shouldn't wake him up? He's been asleep for over fourteen hours. We've all showered twice, eaten twice and had more than enough sleep." Sonny was getting more and more impatient as the time ticked by and he knew his brothers felt the same way given that they had only napped intermittently and had been up multiple times to look at Clay to make sure he was still breathing and not suffering from any nightmares but the kid had not moved at all as he was still in the same position as he was when he fell asleep and Cerb had refused to move from his side either.
"Leave him be Sonny. His body needs to rest." Davis spoke up before Trent could even open his mouth to answer. Sure she wanted him to wake up but it was obvious that he needed to sleep given how exhausted he had been. However she could also see the internal war that was going on inside each and every member of Bravo who were hovering anxiously about in the quarters and who were only getting antsier the longer he slept. "Come back over here." She added on with a wave of her hand towards herself. Sonny gave her a half hearted glare before it faded into a morose expression as he returned back to where she and the rest of the team where sitting.
"I'm going to have to put an I.V into him once he does wake though to replenish his fluids." Trent verbalised the thought that he had been agonising over since hour number ten had passed by as he ran his hand through his hair and tugged on it sharply. Although he was glad that the younger man was asleep and peacefully at that, he was still concerned about how little water he had consumed before they had got him into his bed and how dehydrated he really was.
"We'll figure that out once he is awake and see how he reacts." Ray placated quickly seeing how the medic was struggling between having to do what was medically required and risking sending Clay into a full blown panic attack at being touched if he was not more aware when he did wake.
"He needs to eat more as well." Brock added on having picked up on Trent's discomfort like Ray had. "Something more substantial if possible." He added on as an afterthought but even he knew that they did not care what he would eat as long as he did.
"We should try to get him outside, get some fresh air. I could organise for it just to be Bravo around the fire pit for the night. Clay can curl up in a chair with a blanket and Cerb. The fire always seems to relax him." Davis offered knowing Clay had not been outside since he had arrived back at base with Bravo and the fresh air would be good for him. She doubted that he would want to do much more and she knew that Bravo would be sticking close, closer than usual given how shaken up they were even if they tried not to show it. She looked over at Jason who looked at Trent asking him silently for his opinion to which his reply was a shrug and earned a nod in reply from Jason.
"Sleeping beauty is really earning his name." Sonny's comment lightened the atmosphere momentarily as smiles, smirks and snickers came from the others until a pain grunt filled the air as the bedding rustled which had all of their attention immediately.
Awareness returned slowly and with a concerted effort Clay forced his eyelids to open after he darted his tongue out and over his dry lips. With a grunt he shifted his leg and a sharp cramp shot through his left thigh making him grimace and he closed his eyes again as his face contorted in pain. Cerb let out a soft whine before giving his exposed fingertips a soft lick.
Jason was up on his feet before anyone else had moved quickly but cautiously closing the gap between himself and Clay. "Hey kid, it's okay, you're okay." He kept his voice soft as he knelt down next to the bed so that he was at eye level with Clay. He did not miss the shaky breath that Clay let out. "We're here kid." The pain was evident on the kid's face and Jason was half tempted to give him an injection of morphine but without knowing what exactly hurt or why he could not.
Clay grunted again as he pushed at the blankets in an effort to uncover himself as he tried to stretch his legs out noting how sore and uncomfortable his entire body felt. It felt like every bone in his body had decided to make itself known in the form of an ache and a tightness that he had not felt in a very long time. He couldn't bring himself to open his eyes just yet as he was focused on breathing through the pain but he heard the reassuring words that were directed at him as he felt Cerb move off of the bed.
Trent ended up beside Jason knelt down on his knees watching as Clay struggled to breathe through the pain he was experiencing and hating that they could not get a verbal response from him as Jason continued to repeat his words. Davis stood behind Trent with her hand placed on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze every few seconds while Ray, Brock and Sonny anxiously stood near the end of the bed while Cerb stayed close by stationed by Jason.
"He needs to sit in a tub of hot water and Epsom salt." It was another thing to add to the growing list of things that needed to be done sooner rather than later although it did not make the top as far as any of them were concerned but it was a close second as Clay did not need to suffer anymore if it could be helped or at least eased. So far the list was: 1) Get him to eat and drink as well as get an intravenous line running to replenish his fluids, 2) Get him into a bath to ease his soreness, and, 3) Get him outside for some fresh air.
Clay bought his legs up again, curling them up towards his chest, as his thigh finally stopped cramping much to his relief. He still felt exhausted but he also wasn't ready to go back to sleep. With some difficulty he managed to open his eyes once more to see his team, his brothers and Davis all near him, protectively and worried. "What hurts brother?" Trent's question made him frown as usually the medic didn't hesitate to examine him thoroughly with his hands even when he protested it but then everything came crashing back like a wave that he had not been expecting to hit him with a powerful force that he was sure would have knocked him off of his feet if he had been standing. He arched his back then stretched his legs out again before he managed to roll onto his back and pulled himself up into a sitting position and let his legs splay. "Spense, Clay, need to know what is going on brother so I can help." Trent tried again resisting the urge to reach out and examine him from head to toe.
"Everything aches. Thigh's cramping." Clay rarely admitted he was in pain so it showed how much his defences were down as he spoke openly that his entire body ached and that his thigh was cramping. His voice was hoarse and it was just another part of his body to add to the uncomfortable list.
"I'm not surprised that you are aching considering you haven't moved the whole time you have been sleeping." Trent nodded his head in agreeance at Jason's comment but he knew there was more to it as dehydration could also cause some of the symptoms that he was experiencing.
Clay bought his hand up to his hair and ran his fingers through the tousled blonde locks that desperately needed to be trimmed before he began moving to get out of the bed on the opposite side to where his team were.
"Woah, brother! Just stay where you are for a bit. Let yourself get orientated." Ray moved around to the other side of the bed managing to catch himself before he reached out to stop Clay from getting out of the bed as his feet were already on the ground and he was about to push himself up.
"Need to move, walk it off." Clay grimaced but made no effort to stand up as even moving the small amount had left him pained. Ray glanced over at Trent who had silently signalled for Brock to pass him his medical bag that was full of supplies from the infirmary that he had stocked up on and that he was now rummaging through.
Brock moved towards Clay and Ray moved back to make some room as Brock knelt down in front of him but maintained a small gap between their bodies although Clay did not tense as he had done before. "There are some things that we need you to do for us so that we can help you. Our deal still stands though, if there is anything that you need us to stop doing then all you have to do is say. We will stop, give you however long you need and then we are going to figure out how to get through it." Brock spoke calmly and clearly letting Clay take in what he was saying because from his position he could still see how exhausted he looked and the pain that marred his features. "Do you understand Spense?" He asked after giving him adequate time to take in what had been said.
Clay bought his hands forward and held them in his lap as he looked at them studying the minute lines of his skin intently as he mulled over Brock's words. What did he need to do? How can they help him? How long is too long? Get through it? There were so many questions that were forming in his already overtaxed brain and he felt his breath hitch.
"Clay, hey, look at me. Do you understand?" Brock could see the panic rise in him and had to do something to bring him out of his revelry. Clay's eyes snapped upwards and found his showing he had his attention and the understanding was conveyed silently making Brock nod his head in recognition. "Can you give me your hand?" Brock held his hand out so that his palm was facing upwards hoping that a physical connection would help.
"Like what?" Clay coughed as speaking made his throat hurt as he reached his hand out and placed it in Brock's outstretched one feeling the tightness in his shoulders as he did so. Brock let Clay rest his hand against his but made no effort to close his hand.
"I need to put an I.V into you so that we can give you some fluids. It will help to ease the aching and the cramping that you are feeling. It can go in your hand." Trent took over seeing Brock look to him to do so having already got everything he needed. Even though he knew that an intravenous cannula worked better in the vain of the arm, he was prepared to put one in the back of Clay's hand because Brock already had a hold of his hand.
"And we need you to have some more water and something else to eat." Brock had felt Clay tense at Trent's words but he knew it was not an option and that it had to be done. "We just want to make you feel better, and that is what will help to begin with. After that then you can go and soak in a tub full of Epsom salt while the fluids finish dripping into you." Brock did not want to overwhelm Clay and figured that was enough of their plans for now.
"We'll keep refilling it until you're as wrinkly as a prune." Sonny quipped trying to get a smile from his little brother unable to stand idle although he had noted that his body language was a lot more relaxed now despite the pain.
"After it's in, can I get up?" Clay didn't seem too fazed by anything that had been said as he did not protest any of it but he really did want to get up and walk for a little bit to help stretch everything out. "Might need a bit of help though." It occurred to him that he was still weak as a frown settled back on his face at the thought of needing help to take a few steps once more.
"We're here kid and will help in any way you need us too." Jason quickly assured him feeling that he would need a lot of reassurance for a while, and a chorus of agreements came immediately at the conclusion of his statement.
"Yeah you can move around once I get this sorted." Trent moved around to the other side of the bed and knelt next to Brock who did not move an inch figuring that Clay had not asked for much since they had got him back so if he was requesting to move around then he would not be the one to deny him it. Clay nodded and took a deep breath signalling that it was okay for Trent to proceed which he did, managing to find the vain on his first attempt and getting the I.V started in mere minutes.
"Any requests for what you'd like to eat?" Davis asked seeing Sonny hold out a fresh bottle of cold water for Clay who took it almost immediately and began to sip on it as Trent finished securing the cannula with a large bandage to his hand. She figured that she would take a trip to get him something to eat while the guys helped him up and around. Clay shook his head slowly from side to side as he really wasn't sure what he wanted to eat or even if he wanted to eat but he knew he had too. "Okay, I will get an assortment of things." She smiled softly and went to step away.
"Make sure it's easy on the throat please Davis." Brock requested not missing the grimace each time Clay swallowed or attempted to swallow. Davis nodded at the request and left the quarters.
Trent stood up and hung the bag of fluids on the absconded I.V pole knowing he would have to swap the bags out as it was going to take more than one bag to replenish his body. The I.V pole would also give Clay an added bit of support given that he was so intent on walking to help ease his aching body especially if he became unwilling to accept help or it began to overwhelm him again. "All done." Trent effectively gave the green light for him to get up and move if he still wanted too.
Clay let the bottle of water drop down onto the bed then pushed himself to his feet without letting go of Brock's hand who quickly rose to his own feet and took up a supportive position next to him as his other hand took hold of the I.V pole that Trent moved closer. Clay paused at how shaky his legs felt and the deep ache that caused his body to spasm, crack and pop. With a soft sigh, Clay took his first shaky step then the next as he tried to ignore the pain and discomfort that rose within him as his brothers watched on worried.
Jason stepped forward and stood a few feet in front of Clay knowing that despite how determined he was that he was not going to make it more than a few steps even with the support of Brock and the I.V pole. There was a relief within him that their youngest member was not as disorientated and skittish as he had been before he had fallen asleep but he was aware that it did not mean that all was well and back to normal.
SEAL TEAM
Clay was stretched out yet curled up in a chair with the thick blanket tossed over his lap as the fire roared a few feet away from him with Cerb resting at his feet providing a comforting warmth that had him even more relaxed even though he was not sure it was possible. He'd found his way over to the fire pit after he had finally dragged himself out of the tub that had been refilled three times and gotten dressed after having trimmed his hair seeing the Davis had already set everything up but none of the team were there yet. The Epsom salt had helped to ease some of the residual ache that still lingered but he knew that he was still in for a few uncomfortable days ahead at the very least although he did feel better, cleaner, and for that he was grateful. With that thought he turned his thoughts to his ordeal, to his aversion to being touched, and knew that while there was still a way to go that he would get through it because he already did not feel the overwhelming panic that he had felt in the days prior and because he had the most supportive makeshift family that he could have only ever imagined having when he was a kid. Clay snuggled down further into the chair and pulled the blanket a little higher so that it was up to his ribs as he shifted so that he was leant more on his side and facing the fire.
Davis smiled as she returned to the fire pit and found Clay already settled down in front of it. She put the case of beer down on top of the picnic table before she made her way over to Clay knowing that Bravo were not that far away from joining them if they did not turn the entire camp upside down looking for him first. "I thought you would still be in the tub soaking." Davis smiled and kept her voice soft as she took the seat beside him and held out a bottle of blackcurrant juice to him after giving Cerb one of his treats, surprised at how childlike he looked all snuggled up under the blanket beside the fire. He looked a lot better despite how exhausted he still looked and that was a relief in itself for her.
Clay forced his eyes open wider and turned his head towards Davis as he snaked his hand out from under the blanket and took the bottle from her knowing she would keep holding it out to him until he did. "Thank you." His voice was still hoarse but his throat wasn't as sore as it had been when he had woken up. He was thanking her for more than just the juice as she knew it. "It's going to be okay." He wasn't sure who he was reassuring more.
"Yes, it is." Davis smiled as she settled back into the chair next to him letting the silence settle between them.
SEAL TEAM
Blackburn stood in front of Jason and his men with the exception of Clay and waited for them to settle down but the longer they waited the antsier they got. "How is he?" Blackburn asked the question once more having already confirmed the conversation would be off the record as he moved his gaze from man to man.
"He's sore but he will be fine." Jason answered giving next to no information as he looked towards the door once more getting impatient at not being able to go to retrieve Clay and spend the night by the fire.
"That's not what I was asking Jason." Blackburn knew that Jason was being purposefully evasive and he understood that he was doing it to be protective of Bravo Six but it still infuriated him.
"We left him soaking in the tub." Jason was standing his ground as his men watched on wondering who would give in first.
Blackburn sighed and scrubbed a hand over his beard before he stepped to the side knowing that he was not going to get any more information out of any of Bravo just yet. Bravo didn't wait as they all bolted for the door showing less restraint than he had ever seen but he knew they were all concerned just as he was.
SEAL TEAM
Davis raised her finger to her lips in a shushing motion as the men of Bravo neared the fire pit effectively making them go into stealth mode as they quietened down and made sure that they kept their steps as light as possible. She glanced over at Clay again seeing that he was still sleeping as the men settled down in the chairs around them.
"How long has Sleeping Beauty been out?" Sonny asked as he tipped his cowboy hat backwards after Ray handed him a bottle of beer while his eyes roamed over the blonde who was curled up knowing his brothers were completing a visual inspection as well.
"Not long." Davis answered with a reassuring smile. "He was all tucked up when I returned with the beer. I got him to drink half a bottle of blackcurrant juice as well." She answered their unasked questions before she saw Clay tense and then relax as he shifted and opened his eyes as he woke up.
Clay untucked his right hand from where it was curled into his chest underneath the blanket and bought it up to rub his eyes before he saw Davis smiling at him and then he realised that the rest of the team had joined them with the exception of Blackburn and Mandy. "What's going on?" He asked softly as he rolled his head to the side and glanced around at his team.
"How are you feeling kid?" Jason asked concerned by how pale he still was even bathed in the warm orange glow of the fire and how little he seemed to want to move but if the kid had finally found a comfortable position then he was not about to make him move until he really needed too.
Clay turned his attention towards his boss seeing the concern in his eyes and hearing it in his voice. The question seemed hard to answer because he did feel better but the soreness and some of the fear still remained, and then there was the embarrassment that he did not even want to think about that came from the flinching and the panic he had experienced despite knowing he was safe with each and every one of them. On top of that there was also how cautious they were being around him as they kept their voices soft and their movements purposefully slow, and while he wanted to be mad for how they were being he couldn't because it was a saving grace, and he knew that if it was the other way around then he would act just the same for whoever needed him to do so.
Jason glanced over at Trent before his eyes landed back on the blonde haired blue eyed young man in front of him who still had not answered his question but appeared to be lost in his thoughts instead and he had no idea whether it was a good or a bad thing. Trent stood up and made his way round to Clay's side and knelt down, positioning himself in the gap between Clay and Davis' chairs and making sure that he did not disturb Cerb who was unmovable from his side when the silence lingered for more than two mikes.
"Clay, hey. Tell me where you are." Trent demanded although his voice was unusually soft compared to his usual demanding tone as the last thing he wanted to do was startle him when he looked so content. Davis reached out and put her hand on his shoulder seeing the internal struggle he was having with not reaching out and touching Clay to bring him back to the immediate conversation. Trent reached his hand up and gave her hand a light squeeze as a soft shy smile made its way to Clay's lips.
"Sorry… just thinking… I feel better but still not where I want to be." Clay gave them an embarrassed shrug of his shoulder as he answered realising he had been in his head for longer than he had realised. He did not miss the looks of relief that were shared. "Thank you… know it hasn't been easy." He added on not because he felt that he had too but because he wanted too.
"We're here kid, not getting rid of us either." Jason was relieved to hear Clay talk, and somewhat amused by the embarrassed seal in front of him who looked years younger than he was.
"I know… I am going to be okay." Clay's reply had them chuckling before they nodded solemnly at the second part which made his smile grow. He was relieved to be home, even if it was on a Navy base miles from their actual home, and surrounded by those that he loved and that loved him. He knew that there was still work to do within himself but he had no doubt that he would have support every step of the way and that it would probably be overbearing at times but it would be worth it because all of it was worth it.
"Yeah you are." Jason agreed as he tipped his beer towards him knowing that the heart that Clay Spenser possessed would be the very thing that saved him. The others followed suit tipping their bottles towards him and nodding in agreement as they settled in for a quiet night around the fire watching over their little brother just as they always would.