Hello! Sorry for the lack in updates! Life, ya know?
This one is my take on what happened with Mariana after Mat leaves to go on tour and she is left alone at the beach. It does involve self harm, so please take caution when reading. Also, this is a two or three shot. =]
Mariana watched as Mat walked away from her. From her hopes of finally having sex. From her night that was meant to be memorable. As she wiped a tear from her eye, she thought back to the rest of the events from that week.
Jesus had gone off to boarding school. She was happy for him, but deep down, she wasn't ready to be so far away from him. Trying to distract herself from missing her twin, she tried to keep busy by helping Ana and her new baby sister. She thought she was actually building a relationship with her birth mother.
But apparently she doesn't want me around either. Mariana thought to herself as she wiped away more tears from her eyes.
She looked down at one of the healing scars on her arm from the car crash. She knew she was lucky- she could've lost some of the most important people in her life, and only walked away with a few scratches. But ever since that night, things felt off0 life at home was different. Stef and Lena constantly wanted to know where every child was at all times and they hardly let any of the kids out unless Stef drove them or they walked.
She understood wy they were being cautious, but it felt like every ounce of freedom and choice was slipping from her fingers. It was weird- that when she had fresh cuts, she felt something, but now, she felt nothing. She felt numb. She wanted to feel. She needed to feel. Mar didn't want her, Ana didn't need her, and Jesus was off living his life- a life without her.
Mariana felt around in the sand until her fingertips grazed a piece of glass from an old beer bottle. She felt the edges between her fingers and studied the sharp sides carefully.
Just one. Mariana convinced herself as she reached out her other hand and touched the inner part of her wrist. She grazed her fingers up her arm and reached the scars once more. She traced each scar as more tears fell. Slowly, she brought the piece of glass up to her wrist and pressed down.
At first, she felt nothing. But slowly, the slight sting of the glass sliding against her skin pulled her out of her numbness.
Slowly, she began to feel the pain she yearned for as her hand swiped her wrist at it's own will.
Mariana looked down as the blood from half a dozen cuts flowed down to her legs. Startled by the amount of cuts she didn't realize she made and the amount of blood that was beginning to form a pool, she dropped the piece of glass.
She couldn't move. She didn't know what to do. There had been times in the past where she had contemplated cutting, but until then, she had never acted upon it.
"Shit." Mariana mumbled to herself as she looked around for something to help stop the bleeding.
Occupied with her arm, the brunette didn't notice Callie make her way over to her.
The older girl needed a break. She was trying to be a normal kid- go to the dance like all the rest of her classmates, but after letting AJ stay in the drop-in-center against the rules she knew were in place, she needed some time alone.
"Mariana?"
The Latina froze. She recognized the voice as her sister's, but hadn't found her voice yet to respond.
Callie crinkled her forehead in confusion. She was pretty sure her sister could hear her.
Beginning to walk closer, she stopped suddenly when Mariana quickly turned further away from her and ruled herself into a ball.
"Mariana?" Callie tried again, sensing that something was wrong.
"Mariana! What's wrong?" This time, Callie demanded as she quickly made her way up wot where the girl was trying to hide herself.
"H... hey, Cal." Mariana finally found her voice as she covered her wrist with her sweater and tried to wipe away the blood that had previously fallen. The younger girl flinched with she felt a gently hand on her shoulder.
"Mariana turn around." Callie's soft voice caused the tears to flow form Mariana's eyes as a sob racked her body and she slowly turned towards her sister- head down in shame and guilt.
"Oh Mari!" Callie gasped with she took in the state of the younger girl. "What happened?"
The sobs from the younger girl prevented any words to come out, so Callie simply took the girl into her arms and held her.
After a few minutes of silence, Callie spoke; her head staring off into space as she addressed her sister. "You do know I need to tell your moms, right?"
Mariana's head snapped up and her eyes turned cold as she stared at the older girl. "What? No! Why? It was one time. It was stupid. It wasn't supposta go this far. You weren't ever supposta find out!" She began to ramble before Callie interrupted.
"Mari!" The girl stopped and looked at her older sister with pleading eyes.
"Callie. Please. Please don't tell moms."
Callie knew she needed to tell Stef and Lena. She knew from personal experience that this could get out of control quickly.
"Callie!" Mariana's sharp voice cut through her thoughts. She turned to face the younger brunette with a sad gaze on her face. "Promise me, Callie!" She pleaded- eyes pooling with tears.
"I..." Callie began, but was interrupted by her phone ringing. Thankful for the distraction, she held up her finger for Mariana to hold on as she answered the phone.
"Hello?"
'Hi, love.'
"Hey Lena."
'Have you seen Mari? I thought she was coming to the dance after Ana's.' Lena responded, a hint of concern in her voice.
"Uhh yeah." She began before glancing down at her sister who had since then begun to stare off into space in deep thought. "Uhh Lena." Callie continued, turning away from the girl in order to gain some privacy.
'What's wrong?' Lena asked. Callie could tell she was beginning to worry.
"Uhhh." Callie wove her fingers through her hair as she battled with her self as to whether or not to tell her about Mariana.
'Callie. You're scaring me, love. What's going on?'
Callie sighed as she made up her mind. "I need you." She exhaled deeply. "Mariana needs, uhhh can you come to the south side of the beach? By the first lifeguard deck?" She whispered as she stole a glance at the girl who was still staring off into space.
'What happened?' Lena asked once more, hoping to get any sort of information as to why Callie was acting so strange.
"I'll tell you when you get here." She said, but didn't realize Mariana had snapped out of her trance and heard the end of the conversation.
"Are you kidding?" Mariana yelled. Tears streaming down her face.
"Mari!" Callie looked defeated as her sister gave her a look of distrust and hurt.
'Callie. Stef and I are coming right now. Don;t move' The brunette barely heard Lena as she concentrated on her sister.
"I hate you." Mariana spat before turning away to hide the tears that were beginning to fall.
Lena looked around for Stef. The phone call, which had started out as an innocent quest to locate her youngest daughter, turned into a frantic panic of worry.
Spotting the blonde talking to one of the teachers helping chaperone, she tried to get her attention without making a scene.
"Stef." She said quickly, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.
"Hi, my love!" Stef said with a smile that disappeared quickly when she saw the look of sheer panic on her wife's face. "What's wrong?"
"Can I talk to you?" Lena asked as she grabbed her wife's arm. "Excuse us." She stated towards the teacher.
Lena led Stef away from the students as Stef blindly followed with a confused look in her eyes.
"Lena! You're scaring me! What's going on?"
Lena took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip. "Callie just told me she... err Mariana needs... ummm she needs help." She explained before turning around to continue towards the location of her children.
"Lena!" Stef yelled as she hurried to catch up with the brunette. "What do you mean they need help?" Her heart rate began to pick up as thoughts of what could be happening began to form in her head.
"I dono, Stef!" Lena snapped and turned around with tears in her eyes. "I dono! Callie just... huh I just... she sounded scared. And I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach!" She felt a lump form in her throat as s tear fell down her cheek. "And I..." She tried to continue, but a sob slipped out.
"Ok, baby. Ok. I'm sorry, my love." Stef said as she wrapped her arms around her wife. "Come on." She said, beginning to walk with LEna still close to her body. "Let's not worry before we know what happened." She concluded as the two hurried towards their daughters.
"Mariana!" Callie yelled as her sister tried to walk away from the older girl in anger.
"No! Leave me alone! I asked you not to tell! I'm fine!" She yelled and waver her arms in frustration before wincing from the pain of her still fresh cuts.
"Look at you! You aren't ok! Mariana I know this feeling. This feeling of lost hope and unhappiness. Hell I could write a book on it! This feeling, this feeling that you have that makes you want to do this" she pointed towards Mariana's wrists that she was trying to cover, "it won't just go away overnight! You have to talk about it!" Her voice softened as the tears began to fall.
Starting to understand what her sister was saying, Mariana dropped her head. But as Callie stepped forward to console her, she snapped back to the fact that soon her moms were going to find out.
They are probably send me back to therapy. She thought to herself. I'm not going back to therapy.
As she turned to walk away again, she gave Callie one last look of betrayal before making her way away from the beach.
"Mariana!" Callie yelled as she looked down and saw her sister had left her sweater and purse. Quickly bending down to pick them up in order to chase after the brunette, she spotted the bloody piece of glade that had been used by her sister minutes prior. Callie's hand balled into a fist as she bit her knuckles to try and suppress a sob. This was all too familiar and she wanted to do anything to ensure that her sister didn't go through the same pain that she had. She knew deep down that telling Stef and Lena was the right decision, but it didn't make her feel any better at that moment.
Pulling herself out of her thoughts, and quickly remembering what she was doing, Callie grabbed the sweater, which was stained with blood spots, and her sister's purse. She took a deep breath of relief when she realized Mariana was walking and hadn't gotten very far.
"Callie?!" The voice of Lena somehow comforted her and frightened her at the same time. Slowly, she turned around and was met with the worried eyes of both moms. She knew she needed to fill them in, but she wasn't sure of what she should say and what she should leave for Mariana to say; if she would talk at all.
"Callie, love?" Stef's voice pulled the teen out of her thoughts and the blonde's thumb gently brushed away a stray tear. "Sweetie. What happened?" She asked in a stern but concerned manner.
"Where's Mariana?" Lena added, looking around and only seeing one of her daughters.
"I... she..." Callie suddenly couldn't find her voice. The various thoughts racing through her head were beginning to overwhelm her as she tried to sort out the information she needed to tell the two women in front of her.
Stef, sensing a panic attack, reached out and grabbed the girl's face, forcing her too look her in the eyes. "Sweets. I need you to breathe. That's it. Good job." She praised. "Now can you tell me where Mariana is?" She asked in a calm voice.
Still unable to speak, Callie pointed over towards the opposite side of the small building as she tried to suck in some air. "She... she..." She began but stopped as everything around her began to spin.
"Callie! Sit down for me, love." Stef instructed as she helped the girl onto the sand. "You're ok. Lena is going to go find Mariana. I just need you to breathe for me."
Nodding her head, Lena began to walk around the building when Callie's voice flooded her ears.
"She cut herself."
Part 2 coming soon!