I've always wanted to do a fic about the boys hanging out, doing stupid things even though I'm a girl. XD Enjoy!

Shuichi slammed open the door. "Kaito!" His eyes darted over the four-bedroom dorm. Kokichi on the couch, flipping through TV channels. Colored coded wall calendar of school events. A wall full of roommate photos. Black marker was smeared over the photos.

Frowning, Shuichi studied the pictures. "What? What is this? You doodled ducks in every picture? Kokichi, why?!"

Kokichi turned his head. Looked at Shuichi dead in the eye. "Why not." Snickering, Kokichi added, "Hey, at least it's better than when I gave you and Kaito matching goatees."

Exhaling in frustration, Shuichi shook his head. "For the love of… I'll deal with you later." The detective approached Kaito's door on the right. Banged his fist on it. "Kaito? Kaito!"

"Chm–" Kaito cleared his throat. "Come in!"

Shuichi entered. Glanced around. Stars and galaxies covered the dark walls. A model solar system acted as ceiling light and fan. Dirty clothes, fast food wrappers, and dumbbells lay on the floor.

"What's up?" Kaito took a huge bite out of his sloppy joe. The astronaut lay in bed on his side, propped up on an elbow. With greasy fingers he flipped through a textbook.

"Kaede asked me out!"

Kaito gasped, causing him to belch. "That's– URRP! Oof, sorry. That's awesome, bro! How'd it go down?"

Shuichi shifted on his feet. "Well, you know, I… Kaede and I just had Geometry, right? Afterwards, I told Kaede that we should hang out sometime."

Kaito sucked the meat off his fingers. "How many times have you told her that by now?"

"T-that doesn't matter! Anyway, then Kaede said she's free this Saturday so we should go out then!"

"That's great!"

"No, it's not! I don't know where to take her. We were supposed to brainstorm ideas but you kept marathoning Star Trek!"

Kaito shrugged. He swung his legs off the bed and sat up. "Dude, just play it cool. Take her to that dessert café on 8th street."

Crossing his arms, Shuichi looked away. "But I wanted it to be something special…"

"Nah, man. There you'll both be comfortable and can talk instead of, I dunno. Silently watching a movie. And then at the end of the date, you can ask her out!"

Shuichi's face flamed. "Y-you mean ask her to be my girl–OW!" Shuichi whirled around, holding the nape of his neck.

Grinning, Kokichi shook out his hand. "Static electricity. Never fails."

"Get out!"

"Whaaaaa?" Hiccupping, Kokichi wiped at his eyes. "But we're precious roommates and friends! And yet, here you are kicking me out and keeping secrets."

Shuichi's heart seized. "W-what secret? I'm not hiding anything."

Keebo approached the open doorway. "Are you finally going out with Kaede?"

Kokichi jabbed a thumb at him. "See, even the robot got it."

"Of course I did! I'm not stupid!"

Sighing, Shuichi pinched the bridge of his nose. "All right, fine. I am. There! But I'm not telling you anything else because you'll mess it all up!"

"No, I woooon't–"

Shuichi slammed the door in his face.

Kokichi flinched. "Wow. Rude. It's almost like he doesn't believe me."

Keebo turned away. "Of course Shuichi doesn't believe you. You're a liar–"

"Nee-heehee…!" A grin unnaturally stretched across Kokichi's face. "It's time to execute Operation Pants!"

"Pants?"

"Yeah. I thought that would be more appropriate than Operation Balls."

"Balls?"

Kokichi sighed. "You know what? Never mind. Just come on."

Arms outspread, Kokichi spun in a slow circle. "Behold! Operation Pants!"

Hand on his hip, Kaito glanced around the research lab. The gothic era and bar stage settings flanked them. Rolling clothes racks stuffed to the brim. A mess of black photography umbrellas, cameras, and wires.

Kaito scratched his head. "Uh, yeah, there's a lot of pants here."

Keebo frowned. "I thought it was Operation Balls."

"Rrgh! How do you idiots not understand?! Look, just because Kaede and Shuichi are going out somewhere, that doesn't mean they're gonna start dating, riiight?" The boys nodded. "In fact, li'l baby Shumai might chicken out 'bout asking Kaede to be his girl. We can't let that happen." Kokichi jabbed a finger at Kaito's chest. "So we're going and we need disguises!"

Shaking his head, Kaito waved a hand. "We can't, Kokichi. Shuichi's man enough on his own."

Kokichi crossed his arms. "You really believe that?"

"Of… Well…"

Kokichi raised a brow. Keebo leaned in closer.

"I-it wouldn't hurt to be nearby. Just in case."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Keebo walked over to a sewing station covered with bolts of fabric and patterns. He picked up a half-finished shirt. "So are we to wear Tsumugi's spare cosplay outfits?"

Kokichi wagged a finger. "Not so, my beloved bolt brain! The best disguises are dressing up as the complete opposite of who you are."

Smiling, Keebo places his hands on his hips. "So what is my disguise? I must admit, I'm getting quite the rush of excitement waiting. I'm very curious to see what you have in mind!"

"Oh-ho?" The leader smirked. Grinning, Kokichi picked up a thin makeup brush off a nearby vanity. "Well since you're a robot, there can only be one real answer."

"And? And?"

Kokichi painted two peach lines over the robotic black lines running down his face. Tossing the brush on the vanity, Kokichi ordered, "Kaito, get a trench coat."

Keebo hung his head. "Aw…"

"Hey, just be happy you're coming at all. You wouldn't if not for your camera eyes to record it all. 'Sides, isn't your life's dream is being a human or something? Be grateful."

"O-okay…"

"Anyways it's my turn!" Kokichi sat down in front of the vanity. "Keebo, get me the ebony black hair dye, a bowl, and some gloves." The robot complied.

With practiced ease, Kokichi straightened his wavy hair and added extensions. Using Tsumugi's makeup, Kokichi made his nose look bumpier. Applied foundation to make his face pale.

Kaito whistled. "Man, you know what you're doing!"

"Indeed," Keebo agreed. "If not for my sensors, I would not have recognized you."

"Puh-lease. This is nothing. Me and my organization a while back infiltrated this Cuban street gang. We disguised ourselves as them and hid within the crowd. So when we started shooting, they opened fired at themselves!"

Keebo frowned. "I am fairly certain that would get you killed."

Kokichi shrugged. With a brush he added heavy purple bags beneath his eyes. "There! All done! Now I'm some loser emo kid."

Kaito snorted. "You're already emo."

"I'm not Shuichi!"

Huffing, Kokichi relinquished his seat. "Kaito, sit down. You're next. I'm going to dye your hair blond. We're doing the total opposite of who we are. So that's being a gangster for Care Bear Kaito here."

Kaito flung his fists down. "I am not a Care Bear! And I'm not that far off from being a gangster. Me and the boys back at astronaut training would do stupid crap all the time. Got in loads of trouble. Everybody gangster until you eat space food raw."

Humming, Kokichi studied his nails. "Yeah and they were all outta college while you were still a high schooler. Meaning you were the annoying tagalong, trying to look cool."

"Wh-what? No, I wasn't…"

"Then do your best gangster pose!"

"A-all right, fine!" Kaito shook out his arms. "Okay. Here we go." Kaito crossed his arms over this chest, flipping the double bird. Tongue hanging out, Kaito head banged. "Thug life!"

"Ahaha!" Kokichi's smile dropped. "Don't you ever do that again."

"I'm sorry."

Elbowing Keebo farther in, Kokichi slid in the booth next to the robot. "Scooch in, Keebo! We don't wanna be seen!"

Kokichi glanced across the café. Shuichi and Kaede sat at a small table for two. Above them globe lights set aglow old family photos. High shelves bordered the café, stocked with assorted knickknacks like a grandma's house. Customers ate cake off rose painted china.

Kaito sat across from them. His zipper hoodie, muscle shirt, and medallion cemented his gangster image. Kaito craned his head to see the couple. "Dude, they're like 30 feet away. If we can't hear them how can we step in if bro needs it?"

"Hold your horses," huffed Kokichi. He patted the chest pocket of his purple button-up's, searching. Checked his blazer's inside pocket. "There we go. Here." He pulled out three ear com devices. "I planted a bug on Kaede's purse as we walked in past them."

The leader put one in his ear. Over the quite murmur of other patrons and dishes clinking, Shuichi spoke. "Have you ever been here before, Kaede? I recommend the lemon tar–"

"Oh yeah, lots of times! With Maki, Himiko, and Tenko. I absolutely love the angel food cake here! You should try it!"

"O-oh. Okay…"

Kokichi cringed.

When a waitress approached, Kaito ordered a fruit punch which Kokichi doubled. Keebo declined. After the drinks arrived, Kokichi reached inside his blazer. Took out a bottle. Poured it into his glass. While Kaito and Keebo were watching Shuichi, Kokichi switched his glass with the astronaut's cup. "Nee-heehee…" This is gonna be great!

After the couple had ordered food, Shuichi murmured, "I can hardly believe it's dark out already. It's getting pretty cold at night, too."

"That's November for you! Last night I had to break out my heavy wool comforter."

Exhaling heavily, Kokichi laid his body across the tabletop. "This is SO BAD. So boring! Talking about literally anything else would be more exciting."

Keebo asked, "Like what?"

Kokichi and Kaito shared a glance. Kokichi suppressed a laugh.

The astronaut narrowed his eyes. "Come on, really? Why you gotta be like that, huh?"

Eyes wide, Kokichi shrugged. "Well, he asked what else would be exciting and that is so…"

"You're a douche."

"If you knew exactly what I was thinking of, then you're just as dirty, Kaito."

"A-am not!"

Over the mic, Kaede cried. "Oh, that music that's playing is Adagio Lamentoso by Tchaikovsky!"

Shuichi replied, "Oh, that sounds nice. Very romantic. And it's just the two of us here, how about that? Ahaha…!"

Kaede narrowed. "Uh, no. It's played at funerals."

"Ahaha…" Shuichi muttered, "Just kill me now."

Everyone groaned.

Shaking his head, Kaito sipped his fruit punch. "So what's the plan? I know you wouldn't have dragged us out here if you weren't scheming something."

Kokichi froze, eyes on Kaito's cup.

Kaito took another sip. Smack his lips. "Dang, that's really good." Kaito downed the whole glass. He slammed it down. Shook his head. Blinked rapidly. "Woo! Who knew fruit punch had so much punch?" Head thrown back, Kaito laughed, "AHAHAHA!"

Kokichi swallowed. "Oh no."

Keebo leaned in close. "What have you done?"

Kokichi opened his blazer jacket, showing a bottle in an inside pocket. Hard liquor.

"You have gone too far, Kokichi! Too far!"

"Actually, I only used half the bottle."

"Liquor is the most intoxicating alcohol in exist–"

"It's fiiiiine! It's all for Shuichi, I promise. You'll see. Just watch this."

Stomach full of sweets, Shuichi walked alongside Kaede back to the subway. His face stung from the cold. Across the street, a boy pressed his face to a glowing storefront. Chuckling, his parents tugged him away. Other people strolled down sidewalk, holding hands.

Head bowed, Kaede pressed a hand to her chest. She wore a pink fur lined jacket with matching boots. "That was so much fun. I hope we can do this again sometime." Kaede smiled, her cheeks cherry red.

"Um, yeah. Me too," fumbled Shuichi, his breath visible. "Actually, Kaede…" She stopped and turned to him, listening. Face aflame, Shuichi mumbled, "You're really nice and s-sweet and…"

"Thereiss my boy!"

Shuichi jumped. Whirled around. A broad-shouldered thug with blond hair stumbled towards them. He waved a hand in a lazy greeting. Smiled. "You look great, li'l lady."

Pale, Kaede shot a glance at Shuichi. Jaw set, Shuichi stepped in front of her. Heart pounding, Shuichi swallowed hard. "Who are you?"

The man straightened. Swayed on his feet. "Why you bein' so cold to each other? Should more be friendly-like…"

"L-leave us alone," Shuichi warned, voice cracking.

Laughing, he stumbled close. Raised an arm to put around Shuichi's shoulders. "Beens watchin' over you guys for forever and it's killing me–"

Shuichi shoved him away. "Back off!" Kaede cried out.

Arm pinwheeling, the man stumbled back. Stunned, he blinked rapidly. Chuckled. Touched Shuichi's cheek with the back of his fingers. His eyes shone with tears. "Mm so proud o' you, yer growing up–"

Shuichi socked him in the face. He dropped like a sack of potatoes. Lay completely still.

Wide-eyed, Kaede clamped her hands over her mouth.

Shuichi turned to her, eyes blazing. "Are you all right? You're not hurt or anything?"

"S-Shuichi, why did you…?"

The detective stepped closer. "Because I swear to protect you, Kaede. Because you're smart and kind and funny. You're so special to me. And I…" Shuichi sucked in a deep breath. Evenly gazed at Kaede. "I like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Tears welled in Kaede's eyes. "Yes. Yes, of course, you big doofus!" She punched his arm. "I've liked you since forever."

"Kaede…"

"Oh, Shuichi…!"

He hugged the pianist tight. "I'm so sorry I made you wait. You won't ever have to wait ever again. I swear."

"Kaito!" cried Kokichi, leaning out the café's entrance. "You weak ass! You were supposed to start a full-on street brawl!"

Keebo's eyes went wide. "He what?"

"Rrgh! I won't be defeated so easily!" From his blazer Kokichi whipped out a small rectangular device. He slapped it onto Keebo's head.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"This is an overriding device I stole and modified from Miu!" Hand on his hip, Kokichi thrust his finger out into the air. "Now go, my transformer! Fight Shuichi! Fight for Kaede's hand to the death!"

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

"Kokichi, you shouldn't add things to my chassis without–"

Keebo's head exploded. Screaming, café guess stood up and pressed themselves against the wall. After a moment, Keebo's detached head crashed into the ground. Smoke rose.

Wide-eyed, all the guests stared at Kokichi.

He gave a little wave. Then he snatched the head up and ran. Kokichi slammed past anyone on the street out of the way.

"What are you doing?" Keebo's head cried.

"I'm not going back to jail!"

"What about my body?!"

Kokichi looked behind him.

Keebo's headless body was barreling towards them, full throttle. "ENGAGING PROTOCOL 598: RECLAIM HEAD." His hands transformed into whirling drills.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAA! Somebody help me!"

"This is your fault!"

"Someone save me! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die…!"

"Huh?" Frowning, Shuichi turned back towards the café. "Did you hear that? Sounded like someone was screaming."

Kaede lightly shoved Shuichi's shoulder. "You're just hearing things." Smiling, she held out her hand. "Now come on. Let's go home."

Blushing, Shuichi accepted her hand.

Hand in hand, the two continued along, distant screams echoing in the background.

Alternative Ending:

Shuichi, after punching Kaito: I love you, Kaede.

Kaede: Oh, Shuichi...! I love you too!

Shuichi's imagination sequence ends

Kaede: Why did you do that? Why did you hit him? We could have just run away! Detectives are supposed to investigate bodies, not make them!

Shuichi (sobs): No, wait, Kaede, don't go!

Kokichi (running from Keebo, knocks into Shuichi): GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, SHUICHI!

Shuichi lies on the ground, still crying

Kaito (wakes up, puts arm on Shuichi's shoulder): You'll get 'em next time, bro.

Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed and there will be way more madness coming up! ^_^