Zuko took a breath as the morning light began to filter through the room and for just one moment, he felt peace and happiness. He could feel Katara's warm body laying next to his, warming him.
Then one small whimper broke the bubble of happiness and love and every memory from the day before came rushing back. In waves
the fear….
the sadness…..
the uncertainty…it all came rushing back to him. He took a deep breath, clenching his eyes closed, refusing for just one more second to accept what had happened yesterday. However, he heard his daughter let out a growl so close to what Katara did that he felt his heart crack with the thought that he would never hear it from Katara again.
He slowly opened his eyes to see his daughter looking over at him, her small lips making the sucking movement that told him that she was hungry. Her face scrunched up in anger and frustration with his lack of movement.
But he was not ready, and he closed his eyes for one moment as he took a deep breath to push away everything but the angel who was looking at him with wide angry eyes. He sat up slowly looking down at the wonder that was his daughter and felt his heart rip in two. He was supposed to be holding her with Katara looking at them. Katara was supposed to be feeding her while rocking her, a smile gracing her lips. It was supposed to be a happy time…. A joyous time… a time of peace and happiness…. Instead he was struggling to look at his own daughter…... because every time he did, he would see the terror and fear in Katara's face…. The red-hot pain of not being able to help her through the birth… of not being able to take the pain away from her.
He looked down when his daughters' eyes went from anger to curiosity and her angry grunts became soft murmurs. The sound made Zuko smile for just one moment, because in that second, she was so like her mother her curiosity over taking everything as she looked into her dad's eyes. But when he just smiled at her she quickly changed back to angry as her stomach demanding food and her voice letting everyone know
"Hey little one." He whispered down to her, lifting her up carefully. "Are you demanding food?" He asked her, rocking her gently. When she gurgled up at him with a small smile, he couldn't help but smile at her. "Ok let's see if we can get your mom awake today." He looked over at Katara, her eyes closed and felt his heart stutter at her pale face. He looked back down at his daughter and wrinkled his nose at the smell that she was giving off, "Maybe we will change you first, hum." He said down at her gurgling daughter.
When she blinked her eyes at him, he felt his eyes begin to fill with water, "How can something so beautiful be mine…..." He whispered, "You are really just a mini version of your mother… and she is the most beautiful woman that I have ever met…... and now that I have you…... I have two of the most beautiful women I have to protect and love." He whispered down at her as he walked over to the table. He carefully laid her on the blanket that had been placed to create a changing table. He felt his nose wrinkle at her when he smelled the aroma that was coming from the beauty that was his daughter, "Well I guess there has to be an offset for how pretty you are…... and the smell is one." He said grinning down at her, "I guess we shall change you and then see if we can get you fed." He began to pull her swaddling apart until her little legs and arms sprang free in a deep stretch making Zuko laugh at her.
"Well my little love, stretch …" He said pulling out the changing things, pausing when he heard the door softy push open to reveal the old water bender. "Good morning." He said softly, "Have you come to look at Katara?"
The old water bender gave Zuko a small smile as she shuffled over to look at his daughter that was starting to whimper up at the adults who were gazing down at her. "She is already awake and being demanding hum?" Said the water bender as she pushed Zuko out of the way, "Let me give her a quick look over and make sure that she is ready to face the day." She carefully placed her hands in the bowl of water on the table, letting it dampen her hands fully before she placed them on the baby who was watching her with wide unblinking eyes. She began to rub the water on the baby's stomach and chest slowly, pulling the droplets back up with her magic when they began to slide off.
Zuko watched as the baby studied the old water bender, her eyes just taking everything in, and he smiled, "She is already like her mother… watching and observing before she shows any emotions or thoughts…." He paused as his daughter looked over at him, "Even now she is studying and assessing us." He said with a small smile.
The Old water bender smiled down at the wide eyed baby, "She is smarter than most already… and from what I can see she is perfectly heathy…" she ran her hands over the girls chest, "Even being early her breathing and stomach seem to be in prefect order." She looked over at Zuko and stepped to the side, "And it looks like she can fill her diaper just fine too." She said with a small smile, "Why don't you change her while I check on her mother." She said pulling the bowl of water into her arms and slowly walking over to the bed.
Zuko watched as the old water bender slid her hands into the water again before placing one on Katara's head and one on her stomach. He quickly looked back down at his daughter and began the first of what he assumed would be many diaper changes. He and Katara had decided when she found out that she was pregnant that they would be different then most royals. They would be hands on, changing and parenting as much as possible with only limited help from nannies and staff. Only by being hands on could they install their values and the importance of being kind and caring… or at least that is what Katara said and he was willing to follow her lead when she had shown that she was so good at leading.
He quickly wrapped up his daughter scoping her up into his arms and carrying her over to watch the old water bender examine Katara. He rocked his daughter back and forth in the dance as old as time to calm her and waited in silence not wanting to disturber the water bender until she was done. After a few moments the old water bender looked up and gave him a tired smile, "She is still resting between this world and the next." She said softly.
Zuko took a breath waiting to see if she would continue talking but when she frowned and looked over at Katara again he couldn't wait for her any longer. "What can we do?" He asked her softly.
She looked back over and shook her head, "All we can do is wait…... wait to see which path she will follow." She placed her hand back on Katara's head, "She will either come back to us… .to you and your little one…... or she will pass on to the spirit world."
Her words made Zuko's heart stutter and pause to take a deep breath, "How…." he paused pushing down the tears that where threatening to spill, "How do we get her to choose this path…... to come back to us?" He whispered as he gave his daughters head a small kiss, taking in the only comfort he could in that moment.
The water bender smiled at him, "If there is anything that I know about your wife is that she is stubborn and set in doing what she wants." She said softly.
Zuko gave a snort and grinned, "You are not wrong… hopefully she will refuse the spirit world and comes running back." He took a deep breath as the small moment of contentment was washed a way leaving him with the fear and pain again, "How do we help her come back… help her turn to us?" he asked softly.
The old water bender shook her head, "All we can do is be here… talk to her, plead with her to come back." She brushed her hand down Katara's face, "Touch her….. let her daughter eat…. Maybe those things will be what is needed to help Katara turn back to us." She walked over to Zuko and brushed her old fingers down his daughters cheek, "I fear that this point that only you and this little one will be able to bring her back Zuko…" She paused to look up at Zuko and sighed knowing her words were going to hurt him, "Katara is closer to the spirit realm then to us right now."
Zuko's heart stopped as he looked at the old water bender, "No." He whispered. "I refuse to let her go." He said in a harsh voice, "I will not lose her."
The old water bender smiled at him, "I think that may be the only reason that she is still here at all…. Go to her….. feed your daughter…. Kiss your wife…. Talk to your wife… if any one can bring her back it is you." She carefully kissed his daughters scrunched up face and walked out of the room.
Zuko watched her close the door before taking a breath and walking over to the bed that held his wife and sat carefully. He looked down at her taking another deep breath to push down the weight that had settled on his chest. It seemed like he was taking more and more deep breaths each moment that went by. "Hey… love." He whispered his hand brushing down Katara's cheek, "I believe that your daughter is hungry, and it seems like she takes after your brother in the being vocal about it." He gave a small laugh as if on cue their daughter screamed her displeasure at being ignored for so long. "I think we should we feed her and then you and I have to have a nice long talk My Fire Lady because I have some displeasure at you not waking up to help…. I refuse to let this become a habit my love." He whispered as he brushed his hand down her face with a small smile. After some quick arranging of Katara on to her side, their daughter was finally happily sucking her mothers' milk. Zuko gave a soft smile as he watched wishing with his entire heart that his wife would look up at him and smile. He brushed his hand down his daughters back giving her comfort from both her mother and father, even if it was only for a moment. After a moment he began to hum the song that he had started humming to Katara before they were married. He could still remember the first time he pulled Katara in his arms and hummed the song to her and he thought back to that day…..
Zuko was sitting under the cherry blossom tree in front of the pond in the Fire Lords private fire garden. He had been officially Lord of the fire nation for 3 years today and there was a yearly coronation party each year that he hated but had to attended since it was in his honor. He sighed as he laid back in the grass under the shade of the tree, three years had passed, and he was now 22 years old and in charge of an entire nation that either love or hated him.
He could handle the hate; he was used to people looking down at him or judging him… he was used to fighting for everything that he wanted. He was used to hate…. and he was used to being alone. His only time of peace and of true happiness is when Katara would come visit as an ambassador for her nation. He wished is was more then once every three months, it seemed like the time in between each stretched longer and longer and his happiness came and went with her. His loneliness began wrap around him like ice each day… and only the sound of her voice could melt it off.
He was currently hiding because he had gotten a message that Katara would not being coming to his celebration. She was still in talks with what was left of the air nomads, the ones that had hidden from the fire nation and since they were at an impasse, she would not be able to make it. He felt his heart ache at the thought of it not seeing her again for months. When he first saw that he had a letter from her he was so excited, he had torn it open to see when she would arrive and by the time he had finished the first paragraph of the letter the flames in the room had extended up, the same way they did whenever he read something that made him angry or upset. He had thrown the letter on the desk, no longer caring about her statements on what she was currently doing or her plans for the future were when he would not be able to see her.
He had stalked through the halls, those passing by took one look at his face and turned away refusing to be the one he lost his temper with. He had slammed through his rooms and stalked through his double doors onto his balcony and down into his garden. His anger quickly left as he looked at the water in the pond and the ache in his chest intensified as the sadness took over.
He still remembered when he added the pond into his private gardens, it was after his first year as Lord and Katara's 4th two-week visit. He could still hear her complain that there was no where for her to relax in her element, no place in private for her to bend. She had smiled and said it was one of the only reasons she would not stay forever. He knew she was joking since she had to be back to her southern tribe for meeting before going to the earth nation. But he saw her grin as she said it and his mind immediately jumped to creating her a place and after much deliberation, he decided to put it in his private garden, there was no where more private for her to practice. What he refused to acknowledge was the underlying peace it gave him when she was gone. He could go and just lay by the pond; set his feet into the water and feel closer to Katara.
He smiled as he remembered the way Katara had squealed when he led her into the gardens when she saw it just 3 months later. He felt his arms ache in remembrance of her jumping into his arms and hugging him close and his cheek tingling as she brushed a kiss on it before running into the water. If he closed his eyes tight enough, he could see her bending in front of him, laughing as she shot him with bursts of water. It had become the place where they would meet at the end of the day…. to talk… to practice bending…. To just relax as friends… at least for her… he always craved more…. Always ached when she left and felt complete when she returned. She was the only person besides himself that could come and go from his rooms with no resistance. He still remembered the first time that he had come back from a meeting at the end of his day and found her knee deep in the pond, in that moment he felt like the world was just at peace. He shed his royal robes and quietly walked over and laid under tree and let the sun warm his face as he listen to her bend. He had fallen asleep to the sounds that day.
He often wished he had put the pond in sooner because she ended up keeping her word that her stay would extend and soon her 2-week visits became 3 and then 4 weeks at a time. With less weeks in-between. In fact, this last break was the longest they had been apart since he had put in the pond… she had already been gone 4 months and now with what she was saying it would be another 3 months before she could come back.
Zuko took a shuddering breath as the ache in his chest spread at the thought of not seeing her face… not hearing her laugh for another 3 months. He was barely holding on with the stress and frustration, sometimes it seemed it was only Katara's voice that would calm him down and bring back to his center.
"Hey you." He heard whispered over the wind and closed his eyes as her sweet voice broke his heart a little more. It was like even the spirits were mocking him now and teasing him with her voice. He shook his head thinking he had finally truly lost it when he swore, he could feel her presence behind him.
"Sorry I am late…. I know I was supposed to be here last month." He heard whispered from above him and he gave a dark chuckle rubbed his chest where the ache was and his forhead as felt his mind slip but his eyes startled open when he heard her sigh and the brush of her leg on his arm as she knelt next to him, "Sorry I took so long to come back I tried to hurry…please don't be mad." She whispered down at him.
He slowly slid his eyes open to look up and see her dark curls fall around her heart shaped face, her lips turned down in a frown. But was her eyes that made him pause, her deep brilliant blue eyes that looked so sad, "Please don't be mad at me…. I don't think I can handle you being mad at me… everyone else yes, but not you." She murmured a tear sliding down her face.
Zuko shot up to a sitting position and turned to cup her cheek, brushing her tear away with his thumb. When his fingers touched her, he felt the ache in his chest start to fade and his mind begin to clear, "You are here." He whispered to her.
She gave him a watery smile, "I did not think I was gonna make it, I sent a letter…... but I couldn't…" She paused to look out over the water, "I…" She shook her head as her voice caught and more tears fell.
Zuko frowned a new ache budding in his chest, the kind that made him hurt when she was hurting, "Hey what's wrong…. I am not mad at you, I was just …. Sad. I wanted to see you…. I missed you." He whispered.
Katara gave him a small smile when she turned to look at him, "Sometimes I think you are the only one that sees me… sees the real me and doesn't expect me to be what you want… or what the world wants….. you push me to be….ME." She said clenching her fists, "I just want someone to love me for me and I don't think that will ever happen…... I will always just be…" She sighed and put her face in her hands and Zuko's chest shattered when he heard her mumble into her hands, "Not good enough."
Zuko clenched his jaw thinking of Aang and what must have happened… the one person who held Zuko's dream away from him, the one person who held his happiness. Now to find out he was hurting her… the fires in the sconces around them leapt up and Zuko pulled Katara into his arms.
He relished the feeling of her…. Holding her, even if it was just in comfort as he ran his hands up and down her back trying to give her comfort, "You…." He paused and laughed at the absurdity of all of it, "You are not GOOD enough Katara." He stilled when he felt her flinch and pulled her back to cup her jaw, "You are not good enough Katara because you are better then good… you are everything a man could dream about…. You are the light in the darkness… the soothing balm to an ache." He whispered his thumbs brushing up and down her cheek.
She blinked up at him and shook her head, "I did something bad." She whispered looking past him to the pond.
Zuko frowned, "OK…. Tell me and I will help you fix it." He said brushing her hair out of her face.
When she looked back at him, she gave a small smile, "Why do I come to celebrate you and not even one moment here I am dumping my problems in your lap." She whispered as she cupped his wrists to pull his hands down to her lap.
Zuko twisted his hands until he could thread his fingers with her, "Because that is what friends do…. They are always there for you…. Always." He said softly catching her eye. "And after 5 years… you are my best friend…. You are the one that I go to when I need help… need to talk …. And I hope that I am that person for you."
Katara shook her head at him before biting her lip, "But what if I don't want to be friends with you." She whispered so low and so fast it took Zuko a moment to process it in his mind and when he did, he carefully pulled his hands away.
"You don't want to be friends anymore?" He asked his world shattering at the thought that he could not even keep her in this way.
Katara's eyes filled with tears as she shook her head, "I can't let it go any more… I can't just keep pretending." She said, "Zuko…" But she was startled as he swiftly stood up and walked over to the pond with his back to her.
His entire world was tittering on the edge of oblivion and he was terrified of her words… terrified of the future she was taking away from him. He had known that he would never have her… never really be able to love her… and in this moment when she was taking away her friendship... the only thing that he had to hold onto, he knew he loved her… fully… irrevocably. Yet now he had nothing, he could have pretended and lived just as her friend as long as she was there but now, he had nothing…. Nothing. He felt the sob tearing up his chest… ripping its way through him like a physical being bringing pain.
"Zuko?" He heard her whisper at him, her voice thick and frail and in pain… even in this moment when she was ripping his world apart, he ached for the pain in her voice… ached to make her feel better.
Yet he could not look at her because he knew it would break him, so he shook his head and turn to walk swiftly past her into his rooms only pausing when he heard her call out.
"ZUKO." She said her voice breaking, "Please." But he couldn't… he could not stand here and listen to her take away the one thing that kept him going… the friendship and visits that made his life move in cycles of being ok. So, he kept walking until he couldn't anymore. He looked down started to see ice forming around his feet. He quickly began to melt it when more ice encased him from feet to torso. "Let go." He whispered not wanting to fight her... almost on the verge of begging, "Let me go."
"No." She whispered behind him walking around to look him in the face, yet he could not look at her so he looked to the ground, "Will you not look at me…... not ask why I don't want to be friends anymore?" her voice shook as she stood in front of him, her hair wild enough it filled his vision as he looked down, "Will you not ask me the bad thing that I have done"
Zuko shook his head and startled when Katara gave off a sad laugh, "I broke Aang…. I told him last year…over 12 months ago that I could not be with him because I didn't love him… that he loved the thought of me and not who I am… he told me that it was ok and I could change." She said softly, "That I could become what he needed…. Become what he loved." With this words Zuko's eyes shot up to look at her, "I told him that was not fair to me and he told me that I was being selfish."
Katara took a deep breath closing her eyes, "For months I tried to tell him I was done and for months he would not listen… kept telling me that it was ok that I needed time to change." She murmured softly. "I didn't tell you on the last visit because I just wanted a break from all of it… to just be with you because you made me feel happy… you made me feel whole and good enough."
Zuko growled in his throat, his heat rising and starting to melt the ice around him that he had left when he was listening to her. Katara shook her head, "but I missed the last meeting here because Aang told me that I need to help with he air nomads …that it was my job and I was being selfish wanting to come here…. That is when I wrote you that letter…. but as I was sitting in the meeting, another one of them arguing I just stood up." She paused to look past Zuko's shoulder to the pond, "I told Aang that I was leaving... that I couldn't stay there anymore."
Zuko stopped using his chi to melt the ice and looked up to her face still not saying anything. Waiting to see what happened next, waited to see what she would say.
Katara gave a hallow laugh refusing to meet his eyes again looking past his shoulder, "He saw it even before me… Aang yelled… no screamed at me…. Told me I was selfish, and he knew why I really didn't want to be with him…it was why he pushed me to stay for the meeting….to miss your celebration." She covered her eyes with her hand as more tears slipped down her face, "He knew that the only place that made me happy… really truly happy was being here…. That every time I leave here, I feel like I am leaving a piece of myself here." Katara's breath hitched as another sob broke through, "HE KNEW Zuko…. He knew what was in my heart…... he told me that you were not my friend…. That you had not been my friend in a very long time…. That you would never be my friend again."
Zuko froze as her eyes finally slid to meet his and his heart stuttered at the pain and love pouring out, "He knew that I could never be your friend because I loved you too much…... that I have loved you for so long… that just being here… just sitting in the same room as you gives me peace." Katara shook her head, "Now I know that I am selfish because I should have just pretended to be your friend... been there for you…. Kept silent but I couldn't Zuko because I felt like I was lying to you… I am so sorry." She whispered sobbing into her hand, "I am so sorry…..."
Zuko sat frozen as her words procced through his mind, not noticing that she had turned and was running until she was half through the garden and his panic changed… "Katara." He yelled after her, pulling his chi into full force to melt the ice, "Katara… wait." He yelled after her. When she slipped into his bedroom to leave the panic turned into an ice in his veins at the thought of her getting away before he could talk to her, "Katara please." He begged the ice finally cracking away from him and then he was running…... running faster than he had ever ran before.
He hit his balcony doorways and watched as she began to pull the doors open her shoulders shaking with her sobs and his panic had a shot of flames bursting over her head to slam the door closed before she could get out, "KATARA….." He boomed, "I said to wait." Running until he could grab her arms and swing her around, "Wait." He said clenching both her shoulders.
His jaw clenched as she fought him, "NO let me go…... I am sorry I should not have said anything…. I am just going to go ok… I promise I will leave." She said while refusing to look at him.
Zuko snapped, "LEAVE?" He roared and when the door swung open and hit Katara in the back making her flinch in pain and his fury took over at the guards trying to run in to see what the yelling was about, "GET OUT." He snarled at them, his fury at Katara trying to leave him after what she said,… his fury at the men hurting Katara even on accident all boiling over, "YOU WILL NOT COME BACK IN HERE TODAY…NO ONE WILL DISTRUBE ME THE REST OF THE DAY…AM I UNDERSTOOD?" When the guards nodded and pulled the doors closed he gently but firmly pulled Katara through the sitting room back into his bed room and gently over to his table and pushed her into a chair, even in his anger touching her as if she was glass and began to pace back and forth. When she went to stand, he whipped around and growled at her, "SIT…you had your say and now you will listen to mine." He said his rage making the fires in the room erupt higher.
Katara voice shook as she whispered, "But your party starts in a few hours."
Zuko round on her in disbelief, "Do you honestly think that I care about a party…. A party that I hate every year… a party." He pulled off his crown and threw it on the table next to her then began to pull off his outer robes leaving him only in his tunic and pants, "Katara… I…. you." He shook his head at her. "Are you hurt?" He asked shaking his head wanting to start simple.
Katara looked at him with confusion swimming in her eyes "Hurt?"
Zuko pointed at her back, "When the door hit you." He said concern in his voice.
Katara shook her head softly looking down at her hands, "I am fine…. I am just going to go." She said going to stand again but quickly sat when he rounded around to her and stalked over to put a hand on either arm rest changing her in. "You really thought you could come and tell me that….." He waved his hand at the garden, "All of that and I would just let you walk away?"
Katara looked away over at his bed refusing to meet his eyes, "I should not have said that." She whispered.
Zuko narrowed his eyes at her and then squatted down to her eye level before carefully cupping her jaw and bring her face to his, "Katara look at me." He whispered.
He felt his jaw clench when she shook her head, still looking over his shoulder. "Katara…look at me." He demanded.
But she still refused to meet his eyes, closing her instead as tears pushed through and down her cheeks, "I know that I ruined everything with you…" She whispered, "And the worst part is I am devastated by what I did to you…I wish I could take it back."
Zuko felt his heart clench at the thought, "I don't." He said softly and when she still didn't open her eyes he leaned forward and did the one thing he thought he would never be able to do, brush his lips over hers. He kept his eyes open wanting to remember this moment for the rest of his life, and when her flew open and he saw the surprise he gave a small smile.
"You are so stubborn." He said reaching up, one hand still cupping her cheek, the other cupping her neck. "Did you ever think to wait for my answer… to see what I wanted…. To see if I loved you back?" His voice a murmur as his thumbs brushed her neck and cheek.
Katara's eyes were wide and dilated as he reached forward again, this time covering her mouth with his, his lips lightly brushing over hers…. Back and forth until she sighed and relaxed into his hands. Slowly he stood, pulling her into his arms, his mouth never leaving hers as he gently bit her lip… brushed his tongue across lip begging for her to open up to him. When she sighed into his mouth, her arms sliding around his chest to grip his shirt he took full advantage sliding his tongue in to taste her. When she moaned deep in the back of her throat, he gave a small smile pulling back to look down at her face.
It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, her hair wild around her shoulders, her lips full and bruised from his kisses and her eyes slid open unfocused on him as she tried to get her bearings. When she finally really looked at him, he brushed his thumb over her cheek and whispered what had been in his heart for years…. "I love you." When her eyes widened at his words, "I have loved you for so long…... craved you for so long… I thought that all I would ever have was your friendship…but I want more… I want everything." Before she could say anything, he pulled her back into his arms and covered her mouth with his again. She moaned deep in her throat as she grasped his shirt tightly in her hands pulling him closer to her…. As close as she could get. He slid his knee in between her legs… craving… no needing more of her touch… her heat. He watched her head tilt back as his mouth slid past her chin to nip at her neck, one of his hands sliding up to cup her breast, his fingers pulling at her nipple through her robes.
"Zuko." She gasped her hands pulling at his shit, "Please." She begged and He felt himself harden past the point of pain at the sound. He slowly pulled back to look her in the eyes, "What do you want?" He whispered, his hands creating a fire every where they touched her. "Tell me what it is that you want."
Katara finally slid her eyes open to look deep into his and slid her hands to his face, cupping his cheek. Her thumb brush his scare and when he flinched, she frowned before pulling his face to her lips so she could run her kiss over his eye, "Do you want the truth?" She whispered on his skin. When he nodded pushing his face into her kisses, he could feel her smile and when she whispered, "I want everything…. I want you…. I want to be yours and you to be mine." He growled deep in his chest pulling her up into his arms, so her legs wrapped around his waist.
He walked her over to the bed, pulling her into another deep kiss, his mouth battling for dominance over her. Yet she gave as good as she got, pulling and pushing, biting and licking. Still he had the upper hand as it took her time to realize as they had been fighting over who would win, he had pulled her robes free and pushed her shoes and pants off leaving her in only her tunic and bindings.
"Zuko." She gasped as she felt his hand pull her leg back around his waist as he laid his body over hers. She held him hard and ready between her legs and her body arched in response. Zuko groaned at the feel and the sound she made in the back of her throat, his own body pushing back without thought or will. "What do you want?" She whispered her hands lowering to his butt to push him against her.
Zuko pulled back and took her in, her wild hair spread across his pillows. Her scent filling his senses. Her eyes staring up at him, her soft smile waiting. Her body open and surrounding him, her warmth radiating into him and he shook his head in wonder. Never in his wildest dreams… in what he had hoped for… dreamed of… did he see this. Never gave himself to the ability to dream thinking it could never happen.
"You." He whispered back dropping his forehead on to hers…. "All I want is you…. All of you…. To be mine and only mine." He gave her a soft kiss, "For the rest of this life and the next I want to just be with you in anyway that you will let me." He felt her smile against his lips and the tears slid down her face.
"Then you shall have me in whatever way you want…... as long I get to have you." She said before she pulled him into another kiss that made Zuko see stars. After years of pushing away the hope… years of aching for what he could not have…. It was overwhelming.
"I love you." He whispered into her mouth. He slowly moved his lips down her throat.
"I love you." He whispered into her neck as his kiss moved, feather light across her arch and dip into her collar bones.
"I love you." He whispered into the side of one breast he helped her pull her tunic off. His lips trailed across the top of her bindings to her other breasts, pulling the nipple through the fabric.
"I love you." He whispered into her stomach as he pulled her bindings away to leave her bare for him to admire, he slowly sat up between her legs, "Spirits you are gorgeous." He whispered before pulling his tunic off leaving him in only his pants. He grinned down at her when her body moved as her eyes followed his hard chest planes to his flat stomach to the V that was dipping into his pants. "Do you see something you want?" He murmured.
At his words her eyes shot up to his and she smiled, "Do you see something you want?" She asked, her hands clenching the sheets. And his eyes darkened from light honey to deep caramel.
"Yes." Was all he said before he fell forward his mouth cover her belly button, dipping his tongue in making her give a small giggle. She pushed her hands into his hair and pulled just hard enough for him to give a growl. His kiss trailed down until her giggle turned into a moan and her back arched off the bed.
He took his time learning every part of her, his hand brushing and moving over her. His lips and tongue pushing her…. Making her twist and turn in his bed… making her hands clench at the sheets as she screamed through her first burst of pleasure from him. He slowly kissed up her body as she was still gasping through the blinding light behind her eyes.
Zuko." She whispered so softly he could barely hear it and it pushed a fire through his chest. He came up her body slowly to look at the way she was gasping still and covered her mouth with his as her hands brushed down his chest.
"I love you more then my kingdom." He said softy into her mouth making her eyes flare open at him but when she went to talk, he shook his head, "You had to know…. Deep down…. I took that lightening for you because a world with you in it is something that I cannot even imagine…. Something that I could not face…. Even if it meant leaving my kingdom…" He settled his weight on her body soaking her warmth and curves, "And the last three years have been me surviving for my kingdom because I thought I could not have what I wanted…. so I did the best I could while just surviving life…." He slowly gave her lips more feather kisses before he slid his pants down to push against her opening watching her eyes roll back into her head as she gasped at the new feeling, "But right now I am daring to dream Katara… that I could rule my nation and have the one thing…. The one person that makes me feel alive…. That helps me live." She looked up at him a tear sliding down her cheek again, "Please." He whispered as he slowly stared to push in, "Please… love me…. Please stay with me."
He watched as her face went from pleasure to wide eyes and a flash of pain as he finally pushed all the way in and it took him a moment to register what had just happened, "Katara… am I your first?" He asked in shock, frozen not moving a muscle.
Katara looked up at him with a soft smile and reached up to gently kiss his lips, "I could not imagine doing this with anyone but you…. So, I didn't." She brushed his hair back that had fallen out of his top knot, "What are you asking me Zuko…... really ask me."
Zuko felt his forehand drop to hers as her warmth was making his thinking start to go fuzzy and the need to move started to overwhelm him, "I…... you are MINE." He finally growled out, "Only mine… now and forever." He pulled back to carefully push back in making Katara groan. He looked her in the eyes as he began to rock back and forth, "Say that you will be mine… that you will stay by my side… that you will belong to me in every way… that you will be my partner… my wife… the mother of my children." He kept moving as Katara gripped his back her head moving back and forth, her body searching for something she had never found before, "Tell me Katara… tell me." He demanded
When she didn't answer him, he pushed in as deep as he could and stopped moving making Katara cry out in frustration, "Tell me…... Please tell me." He said looking down at her, his fear slowly coming back thinking that maybe she did not want what he wanted. But he was surprised when she rolled him over and kept him deep inside her, her hands on his chest as she began to rock back and forth.
"You want me?" She whispered to him, her hips rocking in a way that made his catch his breath so all he could do was nod up at her.
"You want me to be your wife…. The mother of your children?' She asked pulling his hands up to cup her breasts, still rocking. At his growl and nod she smiled down at him, "You want me to be yours in everyway…. forever?" At those words Zuko took back over sitting up and gripping her ass to start to slam her down on him as he took her nipple into his mouth.
"YES." He said as he bit down hard. "I want it all… I am greedy and demanding and stubborn and will settle for no less then everything." He said one of his hands coming down in between them to touch the place that would bring her to her first release with someone inside her.
His head snapped back when her heard her whisper, "Yes." Into his ear, "Yes…. To everything Zuko…. I want it all too… I am as greedy as you and I want it allllll." She screamed and arched her back as she clamped down around him her body starting to shake as her answer and tight body pushed him over the edge into oblivion. He gasped against as he took in her every shake, murmur, and sigh as she came back down. His body felt raw and hypersensitive in a way that he had never experienced, and he felt his entire world shift into focus when she gave a small whimper at his movement under her.
He pulled back to look at her face, "Are you ok?" He asked giving her a small kiss. He leaned in her hands that reached up to cup his face.
"Yes… just sore…... you are not exactly small my Lord." She said gently kissing his lips. Zuko frowned and carefully pulled out of her, hissing at the cold air on his hot flesh, "Then we shall go to the pond." He twisted his legs until his feet hit the side of the bed and he stood with Katara still in his arms. He slowly walked out his balcony doors and over to the pond only stopping when they were next the shore. He slowly slid her down his body and watched as she turned and bent the water to clean them and sooth between her legs quickly. When she was done, she turned back to him and he pulled her to lay under the tree. She quickly pillowed her head on his shoulder, one of her legs thrown over his.
He ran his hand up and down her back and for the first time in three years he felt a true peace…. Pure happiness and contentment. "I love you." He whispered as the sun kissed his face, he kissed her forhead. He sighed deeply when she kissed his chest gently and whispered back, "I love you more."
Zuko shook his head, "Not possible… promise me…... we will lay under this tree. You and I for the rest of our lives." He whispered into her hair.
Katara sighed softly, "Yes… but if only if you sing to me each time we lay here." She rubbed her nose onto his chest again, "Sing me to sleep My Lord… I am so tired, and I am finally at peace in your arms." She tilted her head up and kissed under his jaw, "You are my dream and my dream is finally coming true."
Zuko swallowed down the lump that caught in his throat at her words, "Yes my love… I will sing to you." He pulled her closer and let the sun fill his chest as his woman warmed his side and he started to softly sing the song his Uncle used to sing to him when he was at peace…...
"Even if you're lost you can't lose…
Lose the love because it's in your heart.
Hum hum hum
You are in my heart
And I will always win as long as I have you…
Hum hum hum hum..
You are my light in the darkness…
you are my sun…. You are my life
with you I will never lose."
Zuko looked over at his still wife and felt his heart constrict the memory of him singing to her under the tree on their first day of the rest of their life. "We will be ok…. You will be ok." He slowly pulled the sleeping baby away from Katara, carefully grabbing a large blanket nad pulling the baby up into his arms to gently burp her as he walked out his balcony doors in the warm sun,
"We are going to pull you mother back to us…... back to our warmth my little one." He whispered into her hair. When he made it to under the tree, he carefully threw the blanket out onto the grass and then settled the sleeping baby onto the corner of the blanket. "Wait here for us for just one moment my little love." He whispered before running back inside the bedroom.
He carefully pulled Katara into his arms and carried her out the balcony doors into the welcoming sun, quickly over to the blanket where their child slumbered in peace. He carefully lowered Katara down before sitting down next to her and pulling the baby into his arms and laying down. It took a few moments of adjusting but soon he had his wife in his arms and the baby nestled between them, and he looked to the sun and sent out a prayer to the spirits,
"Please let her come back to us." Then he took a deep breath and began to sing like he did that first day of their lives together, like he had so many times since their marriage but this time singing not just to his wife but to his daughter,
""Even if you're lost you can't lose…
Lose the love because it's in your heart.
Hum hum hum
You are in my heart
And I will always win as long as I have you…
Hum hum hum hum..
You are my light in the darkness…
you are my sun…. You are my life
with you I will never lose."