A/N: I know, I know, this has been done a million times, but I wanted to do one of my own. I tried not to just copy and paste other lists into mine, so most of my entries are original.

This takes place during "Hogwarts Mystery" so if you're not familiar with that game there will be things you may not understand. It doesn't come up in this, but "Mr. Simms" is not my PC, he's an OC I made way back when that I decided to flesh out a bit (his first appearance is in my fic "The Disarming Fiasco") My PC's name is Ash, and she's actually a lot more well-behaved then this guy, even taking the whole "Cursed Vaults" thing into account.

If you want more, feel free to let me know. I might continue this if enough people are interested.

1. Not allowed to paint house-elves green and call them "Yoda"

2. Not allowed to ask Miss Lobosca about "her time of the month"

3. Not allowed to convince Mr. Lee that nargles are real

4. Not allowed to "prove" the existence of nargles by stuffing clumps of mistletoe full of albino doxies

5. "Shazam" is not a real spell and Mr. Simms is to stop trying to teach it to first years

6. Not allowed to shout "abra cadabra" while passing students in the corridors

7. Not allowed to shout "abra cadabra" in the middle of the Great Hall

8. Using the phrase "abra cadabra" under any circumstances will result in a week's detention

9. Not allowed to cackle "it's alive!" upon successfully completing a potion in Professor Snape's class

10. Peeves is not the true headmaster of Hogwarts

11. Mrs. Norris is not the true headmaster of Hogwarts

12. The giant squid is not the true headmaster of Hogwarts

13. Not allowed to test if house-elves can fly

14. Not allowed to build a shrine to Mr. Winger's nose

15. Mr. Winger did not ask you to do this

16. Mr. Winger does not want you to do this

17. Charlie Weasley is not secretly a Dragonborn

18. Mr. Simms does not have a nargle Patronus

19. Mr. Simms does not have a dementor Patronus

20. Not allowed to teepee the Griffindor common room with blue and bronze toilet paper

21. Not allowed to trade the souls of first years for Zonko's products

22. Professor Rakepick is not part dementor and she will not suck out your soul if you do poorly in her class

23. Not allowed to start singing the "Ghostbusters" theme song during a deathday party

24. Not allowed to challenge teachers to a duel

25. Not allowed to introduce house-elves to coffee

26. Not allowed to tell Miss Snyde that you are her real father, and then offer to do a muggle "DNA test" when she calls you out on it

27. Being a Slytherin is not contagious

28. Not allowed to give Miss Tonks roller skates for her birthday

29. Not allowed to introduce your pet niffler to an occamy nest

30. Not allowed to feed love potions to squirrels