Edit: I was notified about errors so I came to fix it. (25/03/2020)
I do not own The Diary of A Wimpy Kid.
Enjoy!
He stared at the god.
The god stared back him.
"Are you kidding?" He said.
"No. Why do you think this job has such a high turn over rate?" Said the god.
"You want me to be the parent of THE Wimpy kid, Greg Heffley?" said the man. "I'm not going to ask you how this works but why should I spend 60 or something years being the father of that kid? The current generation of the Heffley family are pretty terrible people. But Greg is by far the worst."
"And that's exactly why he needs a proper parent," said the god. "His parents don't see how messed up he is and even unknowingly contribute to some of that mentality. The way Greg is going, when he reaches adult age and realises that he's not famous like he thought and is actually a loser on the street, he won't accept reality and end it all. As terrible as the boy is, with the right guidance, he could become a great person. He has demonstrated that there is some humanity inside of him."
He said nothing.
"So far the kid has had 22,067 people up and quit, making me reset the timeline that exact number of times." Said the god. "If you make it, I will make sure your next job is being a fish. All they do is swim, eat and survive"
"Deal," he said. "Give me that status you promised and let's do this thing"
"Okay, I hope you're the one," said the god.
Then the world went blank.
# Plainview#
"Are you joking!?" Said Susan Heffley.
"No, this isn't a joke. Mrs Heffley." said the principle of Westmore Middle School. "We were shocked too when we got the call after the students did the physical. Apparently, 12 years ago, there was a mix up at your hospital and your actual son died shortly afterwards. A DNA test uncovered this and the government has contacted his biological father about this and he will be here any moment, now."
The man could see how all their eyes were wide but the baby of the family was playing with toys so he didn't understand the seriousness of the room.
Meanwhile, Greg's eyes could have been mistaken for golf balls.
He always suspected that these people weren't his family but who knew one day it would be true?
Doesn't this mean, he didn't have to put up with these people?
Once again Greg thought of himself and not the fact that the Heffley family just found out one of their family members had been dead for years.
"I refuse to believe it!" Said Frank Heffley. "He looks just like me when I was a child! I have photos to prove it!"
And that's when they heard a knock at the door and heard on the Principles communication to his secretary.
"Mr Principle. Mr LeBlanc is here to see you. Should I allow him in?" Said the secretary.
"Yes, let him in," said the principal.
The door opened seconds later and in came a man who looked like an older Greg but far more good-looking.
He had pearly white teeth, a movie-stars hair cut and was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans that were tight enough for you to see the muscle underneath.
The man looked fantastic.
The moment Greg saw this person, he was out of his seat fast.
"Dad!" He yelled, while mentally slapping his former family with his words and actions.
The man's eyes light up and he knelt down to hug him.
"I thought I lost you forever." He said, his voice soft and calm, they released each other and he went over the boys features well. "You have your mother's eyes and my face. What are you wearing? Those clothes look awful"
Awful?
Greg former mother could have been slapped.
"And this must be the family you grew up with," said the man before taking out a chequebook and saying. "I'm going to write you guys a check for 300,000 dollars for all the years, you've cared for my son. I am very sorry about your son Gregory"
Everybody eyes went wide with shock, especially the principle.
Greg original father was loaded!
The man wrote a check, and then put it on the table before saying to Greg. "Let's go home. We'll get your stuff later."
And then Greg took the man hand and they both walked out of the school together and the man looked to see the boys reaction to the sports car out in front, that they were getting into.
The wide eyes would have been adorable if the man did not know how Greg was imagining how he could use it to show off.
He opened it and allowed Greg to sit beside him while he sat in the driver seat.
And then with a mighty roar from the engine, they drove off, the wind blowing through their hair as they drove to a really nice looking house and everything.
The gates opened and they drove into the garage before they got out Greg saw the saw two people appear and clean the car as they walked to the door.
The door opened and a man stood waiting for them with respect and a bow.
"Welcome back, Master LeBlanc," said a group of servants.
"Everybody this is my son, Crash," he said as Greg's eyes went wide as saucers.
The boy didn't expect to have such a cool birth name.
"Now Crash, well go out shopping for new clothes tomorrow because all the shops would have been closed by now," he said. "In the meantime, you are free to choose any of the three bedrooms to be your own. Dinner is at 6"
Greg nodded and a servant took him to the spare bedrooms where to the child's shock all of them, had all the latest consoles along with violent video games, so it didn't matter which bedroom he picked.
They both knew he would call Rowley about his situation to boast.
Meanwhile, he was making plans with a moving company.
"Master, it is 6," said his head butler.
He dismissed the man and left for the dining hall where Greg already was and looking around.
He sat down and the chef said. "Tonight we will be having gourmet french fries, burgers, ketchup and chicken."
The plates were uncovered to reveal the best looking fast food Greg had ever seen.
"Don't get used to it," he said. "This is just to welcome you back. We usually have healthy food but the chef knows what he's doing when it comes to preparing a dish. You won't find a dish that you would have to lie to yourself to be able to eat here." Before he said. "And if you don't like a particular dish, please tell me. I want my son to enjoy the food he is given"
And Greg looked very surprised but then watched him ate, he ate like a noble, not at all like the hurried mess that his former family ate because they were afraid that it would disappear.
They both finished and the boy found that he could choose between, water, grape juice, apple juice and Orange juice.
He, of course, had water.
When they were finished, both of them stared at each other.
"Now than," he said. "I heard that you're going to school. Have you done your homework?"
Suddenly Greg looked uncomfortable and said. "Of course" not looking at him.
"That was a lie, Crash," he said. "I and you will do this homework together and then you will be able to continue playing the games. Think of it this way. If you get the homework done, I will teach you how to pin any bully that comes across your way"
And Greg's eyes went wide before the boy nodded, together they went to the room Greg had chosen and his textbook was cracked open.
"Okay, the first question," he said. "If Little Tommy had 12 apples and he ate 4 how many does he have left?"
He watched Greg think before saying. "Ur- 5?"
"Crash, why are you lying to me?" He said, surprising him. "I know what a lie looks like. You know this question. Are you afraid of standing out? Of course, when people knew your smart, they will want to hurt you but I'm going to be teaching you how to defeat them so what does it matter?"
Silence.
"I'll tell you what," he said. "If you can promise me that you'll try you hardest in school for one week, I'll give you the leather jacket I wore at your age"
And then he summoned a servant to get his old jacket.
When Greg saw it, he knew he had him hooked.
It was cooler than Frank Heffley jacket by far because not only was the material higher in quality but it came with designer shades as well.
"I'll give you a week to try with this jacket," he said. "If I see that your grades have improved, I will give it to you. With this jacket on you'll be the coolest looking boy in school. Do we have a deal?"
"Deal," said Greg.
And then the jacket went away much to the boy's dismay.
After that Greg really went at the homework like he had never done before and they were done by 7:20.
He then showed Greg what it's like to play against a championship gaming veteran.
You could tell the boys mind was blown when he showed him that not all adults were dinosaurs that only know how to work the TV and he was getting creamed by an adult.
That night he ended up teaching Greg a combo move, the game was a remaster of a game that came out 20 years ago so the combos were still there.
It was 11 when he told Greg to go to bed, but he wasn't naive.
To make sure the boy wasn't playing video games as soon as he knew the coast was clear, he switched off the electricity but not the heating.
He could feel Greg cursing from several rooms down when he realised this, which made him smile.
In the morning, the boy was dressed in two sizes too big clothes and they went out shopping at the nicer stores in town and Greg learned what it meant to not care about the price tag as he got the clothes of his dreams, before they drove home with Greg having convinced his dad to get ice-cream.
"Dad," said Greg.
"Yes?" He said.
"Where mom?" Said Greg. "Is she..."
"Yes, she's in Paris," he said, enjoying the surprised face on the boy's face. "Your mother is far too strong to kick the bucket. She's a fashion designer and you have two twin brothers as well. They went with your mother for work experience. Both of them are college students and have always wanted a sibling to play video games with. I think you'll like them both. They will be back in a few days as for your mother, she should be back in a month"
Fashion designer for a mother and two brothers who were in college and wanted him around?
What is this god level of luck?
"So what do you do?" Said Greg.
"Me? I'm a professional race car driver" he said, as the boy's eyes widen once more. "Sometimes I get to take a new model for a spin and give feedback. However, this car is indeed mine so you're not going to see it disappear any time soon"
And then they went into the driveway again and got out.
"When we've finished dinner, I'll teach you some self-defence moves," he said getting the boy excited.
The excitement only lasted a few hours though because Greg found himself face-planting on a cushy mat for the 10th time.
The boy couldn't throw him off with his thin arms, so he ordered the lightest and smallest person to be the child's partner.
After the fifth try, Greg had finally done it and put the person down.
"Do that 10 more times and I promise you, you can off-balance any boy at your school" he said.
Greg did so, sweating more than he had ever done in his life and was too tired for video games when it was over.
The electricity was back on, so when morning came, he watched the alarm go off and the boy jump from his bed.
"Wake up," he said. "Today is the day you debut the new you"
And then he walked away, leaving the boy to find the jacket and shades hanging on the door to the wardrobe.
He saw the boy come down with the biggest smile on his face and proudly wearing the coolest clothes, shades and shoes.
However, a cloth was wrapped around the boy's neck to protect the clothes as they ate breakfast.
When the boy was finished, the boy was handed his new bag and they went to the car.
"Remember, I must see an increase in grades," he said. "If I don't see it, I'm taking back the jacket and shades"
"Okay, dad," said Greg before looking out to see the faces of everybody he knew as they drove to school in a sports car.
When they got to the school, there was only shock silence as the beast of a car pulled up and he got out.
To sweeten the child's arrival, he made sure to blast heavy rock music as everybody turned to look.
Even the most popular kids and staff were looking with an open mouth.
The smile on Greg's face was something else and then the child went to his friend Rowley.
"Hi, Rowley. Let's go inside" said Greg.
He could see Rowley's shocked expression from here, so Greg had to drag him inside because he was too stunned to move.
The kid who's came to school in a sports car...
He didn't know how high up that was in this kind of public school but it must be high.
Robby Leblanc looked to see his son fully go in before putting on his own badass shades and driving slowly to the test track to test out another amazing car.
He wondered if he had just made the top 5 for, coolest parent ever.
And scene!