1981
"Remus, please. It's just until I get back," Sirius pleaded, "I won't be long and she's a good girl. Aren't you Lilith darling?"
The small three-year-old girl nodded her head slowly before letting out a tired yawn and leaning her head on her fathers' shoulder. She wasn't used to being awake this late and kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Her Uncle Remus seemed upset and anxious, that much she could tell, but her fathers' warmth and the sound of his heartbeat was soothing her back to a dreamlike state where she didn't have a care in the world.
"Sirius, I… I know this isn't easy on you. It's not easy on any of us, but you're going mad right now. Peter is our friend. He would never betray any of us like that."
"But he did!" Sirius slammed his hand on the doorframe to Remus' flat managing to momentarily awaken the toddler in his arms.
A moment of silence passed as Remus and Sirius stared each other down waiting for the other to give in. The sounds of heavy, angry breathing could be heard coming from Sirius over the echoing street sounds of muggle London.
"Look, I don't care if you believe me or not. I just need you to take care of my daughter for a few hours. Just until I can find Peter and find out the truth, whatever that maybe," Sirius begged.
Remus looked between the man standing before him and the small child in his arms. He, as well as a few others, had believed that Sirius had been the Potter's secret-keeper, but now was growing to become unsure of that idea. If he was the keeper, this would be his perfect chance to get away and leave Lilith with him, but Remus knew how much Sirius loved his daughter so there was no way he would abandon her like that. Then again, he had believed that if Sirius was the keeper, James and Lily would still be alive right now.
After his mental back and forth, Remus let out a deep sigh and opened his door wider to let his friend inside.
"She can stay for the night, but she needs to be gone by tomorrow. It's the full moon," Remus said while finding a pillow and blanket to put on his couch.
"Of course, Moony."
Remus finished laying out the makeshift sleeping spot for the little girl and left to the kitchen to go get her a glass of water.
Slowly, Sirius laid his daughter down on the small couch, holding onto her hand for a moment.
"Lilith, sweety," he whispered just loud enough to get the little girl to open her eyes and look up at her dad, "I'm gonna go for a little bit, but Moony is going to take great care of you while I'm gone so I want you to listen to him, okay?"
Once again, the girl nodded. This time looking at the sad and scared look in the father's eyes.
"Here, I'm going to give you something for you to take care of while I'm away," Sirius then pulled out a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. He unfolded it and took a deep breath before handing it over to his daughter.
Lilith looked at the picture of her father and mother smiling at each other while leaning against her dad's motorbike and smiled.
Sirius continued, "Be sure to take good care of it. That's my favorite picture, I'm going to want it back when I come to pick you up."
The child nodded again before giving her dad a tight hug. Sirius squeezed her tight, as if he might never see her again and whispered one last, "I love you" into her ear.
"Love you too, daddy," the girl said before releasing her father and placing the picture carefully beneath her pillow. Sirius placed a small kiss on her forehead and tucked her in.
Remus made his way back into the room, placing the glass of water on the coffee table next to the couch and turned off the lamp light. Both men now made their way toward the front door.
"Thank you again, Moony. I don't know who else I could have gone to for this," Sirius whispered as he stepped out the doorway.
Remus nodded solemnly.
As Lupin began to close the door, Sirius pushed out his hand to stop the door. Locking eyes with Remus one last time.
"You do believe me, don't you Remus?"
Remus tightened his jaw for a moment, firmly holding his friend's gaze. At this point he wasn't sure what to believe.
"When you come back for Lilith, I'll believe you. Until then, I don't know."
Remus then shut the door on his friend. Unaware that this would be the last he'd see of him for a very long time.
Remus held his head in his hands. It was getting late. Dinner time would come very soon and then night would fall. With James and Lily gone he couldn't just bring Lilith to their house. Peter has been absent for a while now and it doesn't seem that Sirius is coming back today. Perhaps not at all.
He was really trying to not think about that, but as the sun got lower and lower in the sky, the more he felt that Sirius might not ever return.
With the full moon coming out tonight Remus needed to calm down and think of a plan. Lilith had been playing with a couple of her toys that she left here the last time she came over and was watching some cartoons playing on the muggle television in Remus' flat. This had kept her entertained enough for today, but eventually she's going to start asking questions about where her dad is. On top of this, Remus couldn't exactly leave her alone for the night.
After a fair amount of deliberating in his mind, he gathered up Lilith and a couple of her things.
"Where are we going, Moony?" Lilith asked as Remus scooped her into his arms and began striding to the fireplace. He grabbed a handful of floo powder from a small bowl on the mantle.
"Were going to take you somewhere safe for the night, okay?" He said while stepping into the fireplace.
"Okay," she nodded back, holding her stuffed hippogriff firmly and petting his wings.
Then Remus threw down the powder yelling, "The Burrow!"
For a moment there was a rush of light and wind, then they were standing in the home of the Weasley family. A mass of redheads were running about the house. Ten-year-old Bill was in the kitchen with his father, both attempting to use a muggle stereo, while five-year-old Percy chased after eight-year-old Charlie who appears to have stolen Percy's copy of Babbity Rabbity. Fred and George the young three-year-old twins were giggling at Percy's misfortune and playing with a toy train. The small one-year-old Ron was sitting in a highchair in the kitchen next to an even smaller new born Ginny, both watching their mother, Molly, cook tonight's dinner.
"Remus!" Molly greeted, now noticing the man that had flood to her home, "How are you dear? Come here."
Molly wrapped Remus and Lilith in a tight motherly hug as they entered the kitchen. Her eyes locked with his and water began to build behind them.
Molly took his head in her hands, "I want you to know that I am so sorry about James and Lily. I know they were your best friends. If there is anything that you ever need please don't ever feel that you can't call us here."
Arthur then came around the counter and stood beside his wife with a solemn look upon his face, nodding at Remus in greeting.
Remus nodded back then looked at Lilith, finally setting her down and telling her to go play with the boys.
Remus then turned back to the couple before him, "I know it's short notice, but Sirius dropped Lilith off with me yesterday and didn't come back to get her."
Molly's hand shot up to her mouth to cover the shocked look on her face.
"I would only need you to look after her for a day or two…it's the full moon tonight and I can't leave her alone. I know that you have enough on your hands already-"
"It would be no worry at all dear. Lilith is always welcome in our home, as are you. So, don't want you to worry about a thing. Just keep yourself safe dear."
Remus couldn't hold back the stressful state he was in any longer as he let out a shaky breath and a thick tear fell from his eye. Quickly he wiped it away, but it was soon replaced by another.
"Thank you," he blubbered out, "I don't know what to do. If Sirius doesn't come back then I will take care of Lilith, but I was never meant to take care of a child. It's not safe. Usually Lily would be scolding me for even thinking that and tell me everything will be alright and that we'll get through this together, but she's gone. And Sirius, the Sirius that I know, would never just leave Lilith. He's so protective over her that he'd be back already, but he's gone. And James would say dry up those tears, that Sirius is coming back, he has to, but he's gone too. And… and now I'm alone and I- I don't know what I'm going to do."
Molly grabbed a handkerchief and began to dab at Remus' tears, willing his face to dry and for him to calm down.
"Take a deep breath for me…that's it, good," She directed, "I don't know what to do either, but I do know that you can do this. If Sirius doesn't return, then you are going to take that little girl and raise her. Raise her as you know she should be raised. Make her kind and gentle like Lily. Make her strong and brave like James. Make her outgoing and witty like Sirius…and make her smart and courageous like you. I can't lie to you and tell you it will be easy but know that I will try to make it easier if I can. She is welcome to stay in our home during any full moon, don't you worry about that. Remus, you are not alone."
Remus hugged Molly tight, the feeling of love and warmth radiating off the woman was a comfort that he was not used to.
After being released, Remus looked down at his watch noting that it was time for him to leave. He gave one last thank you to Arthur and Molly before making his way to Lilith.
He knelt to get to her level, "That's a cool train you're playing with"
The three toddlers beamed at him from the floor where they sat. Lilith jumped up and hugged Remus with her arms around his neck to which he quickly returned.
"Moony," she said softly, "Are you leaving me?"
"Only for a short while," he replied releasing her from the tight hug, "I promise I will be back tomorrow"
"Daddy said that too. Where is daddy?"
Remus looked into her wet eyes, "I don't know, but I hope he'll be back soon… I wouldn't leave you here unless I knew that you'd be taken care of. You're a big girl, do you think you can stay with the Weasleys tonight and be good for them?"
She looked down, but slowly nodded her head.
"Okay, I pinky promise I'll be back tomorrow to come and get you," Remus held out his pinky to the small girl. She looked at it for a moment before looping her pinky with his and giving him a small smile.
Remus then got up and headed for the door. The sun was setting, and it would soon be time for his transformation. He made it out to the Weasley's garden before turning his head back and sparing one more look at the girl that might now be his responsibility through the window. He apparated away thinking of what else may come his way and wishing that his friends were with him for it.
1986
"What about this one?" Lilith asked excitedly while pointing at a small barn owl in the window.
Remus smirked and sighed, "I told you, no owl."
Remus kept walking down Diagon Alley as the young girl trailed behind frowning.
"But why not," she whined.
"Well for starters, we already have an owl," Remus replied, "Besides, who would you write anyway?"
Lilith crossed her arms and huffed, "Agatha is your owl, not mine. And I could write Charlie while he's at school, I could write Fred and George, I could write Kingsley, perhaps, and say hello"
Remus weaved between a couple of young witches stepping out of Gambol and Japes while rolling his eyes, "That's not enough to convince me"
"Maybe I could also write my dad"
That stopped Remus in his tracks. He turned around to face Lilith, taking a deep breath. This is the first time she's mentioned wanting to get in contact with Sirius to him. Of course, they had talked about him, but Remus didn't feel it was right to burden the girl with the full truth yet. Not until she was older. All she knows now is that he did something bad and he is away.
Remus could hardly believe the truth himself when he heard it. The day after his first full moon with her, he returned to the Weasley's home to collect Lilith, but when he arrived, he was greeted to Arthur sadly handing him the Daily Prophet. He then learned about what Sirius did to all those people, to Peter. And that was that, Sirius would be off to a lifetime in Azkaban and Remus would care for Lilith.
Despite the rough start, Remus was a natural at parenting. He moved the two of them to a two-bedroom apartment so that Lilith could have her own space. He made food every day for her, enrolled her in a muggle school nearby, and read to her every night. They struggled a bit financially sometimes, because it was hard for Remus to keep a job due to his lycanthropy. Muggle jobs struggled to give him the time off he needed every month and Wizarding jobs would outright refuse to hire him. Despite this however, he managed to keep Lilith happy and healthy. An accomplishment he had previously thought would be impossible to achieve.
Lilith looked nervous quickly apologizing to Remus for bringing it up.
"No, no. It's okay," Remus said softly, "I know you miss him. A lot of the time, I do too. But you can't write to him. I'm sorry"
Looking up at Moony, Lilith took a deep breath and conceded, "Okay… It's okay. I understand."
Remus gave her a small half smile and put an arm over her shoulders, "Come on, lets go get some ice cream"
She smiled up at him, "And an owl?"
"No"
1987
Wiping the sweat from her brow, Lilith sat beneath the shade of a tree, taking a break from helping the Weasley's de-gnome their garden. This summer felt hotter than any she's felt before. Mrs. Weasley could be heard yelling at her sons to catch a gnome running toward the house.
Suddenly, she felt two familiar figures sitting next to her. They pass her a cup of water which she makes sure to inspect first before taking a long drink. Can never be to careful with pranksters like Fred ad George.
"Is Lupin coming to get you today?" Fred asked.
Lilith had been staying with the Weasleys for the past two days, waiting for Remus to come back and get her.
She shrugged, "I think so, he tries not to be gone too long"
George began, "Why is he always gone? Mum won't tell us which makes us-"
"Suspicious," Fred finished.
Lilith rolled her eyes at her two best friends. This year they finally began to ponder why Lilith stays with them every month. She suspects they might have an idea of the truth, but don't want to upset her by saying anything.
"No clue," she replied as usual, "Maybe he's in some weird cult, I don't know"
She smirks at the boys before taking another sip of the water. A small breeze made its way to Lilith's face making her sigh in relief.
Fred continued, "Well he is your dad, so you should know"
Lilith let out a small giggle, "Remus isn't my dad"
"Then who is?" George asked.
Lilith looked down at the cup in her hands and managed a small smile taking a moment to think about her answer, then deciding not to answer at all. She hands the cup to Fred who takes it. She then stands up and smiles down at the boys before running back to the garden.
She spends the rest of the day laughing at the boys trying to catch the gnomes and reading inside with Ginny.
Remus returned that evening to come get her. A new scar adorned his arm, but otherwise he was fine and for that she was grateful. Stepping into the fireplace, she locked eyes with George for a moment. They both raised their brow at one another before the flames engulfed Lilith and she was back home once again.
Lilith and Remus sat together on their couch both reading in a comfortable silence. It was beginning to get chilly in the cool autumn air, so they decided to use their fireplace for the first time in a while and spend the evening inside.
Remus was engrossed in his book about the slow extinction of Bicorn in Whales, while Lilith seemed distracted from her muggle book about the Salem witch trials. She tried to read it and the book really was interesting, but she couldn't stop thinking about how the conversation she was about to have was going to go.
By about the tenth time she lifted her eyes from the books pages to stare at the man in front of her Remus let out a small sigh, "If you have something on your mind go ahead and say it"
Lilith quickly shook her head and narrowed her eyes on the text. Before they lifted once more.
This time Remus took a deep breath and closed his book looking up at the girl in front of him, waiting for her to talk. Lilith only waited another moment before shutting her book as well.
"Sorry, I don't mean to be a bother," Lilith spoke shakily.
"No, no. You're never a bother. Something is clearing going on," Remus replied, "lets talk about it then"
Lilith sucked in a deep breath before releasing it and continuing, "We were walking through Diagon Alley yesterday, me and the Weasleys. And I heard something…something about Sirius Black."
Remus sucked in a quick breath, but remained quiet, prompting her to continue.
"That's my father's name, right?"
Remus slowly nodded.
"These women were talking, well one was crying. She said it was the anniversary of when her husband was killed…killed by him. She kept crying and crying. The other woman kept holding her hand and telling her there wasn't anything to worry about. That he was in Azkaban. That he would never be able to get her too."
The two stared at each other for a moment. Both not daring to move a muscle.
"Is all that true?" Lilith shook out.
Remus now looked down at his hands which had apparently been gripping so tight on his book that his knuckles were white.
"Yes"
Lilith's body didn't know what to do in that moment. Her eyes filled with tears and her lungs begged for air, but she seemed to have forgotten how to breath. She began to shake a little until Remus quickly grabbed onto her. He held her close to him and whispered for her to stay calm and control her breathing. It took a few moments and Moony's shirt was drenched in tears, but eventually the sobs halted, and the shaking ceased.
"He- He killed people." She said in a coarse voice.
"He killed 13 people, 12 of them muggles," Remus explained while staring into the fire, still holding Lilith in his arms, "It was after our friends were killed. Sirius had given away their location to- to you know who. He was their secret keeper. They thought they could trust him. He was their friend. Our friend…my friend. Soon after they were killed, he brought you to me and then went after Peter. He said Peter was the one to betray James and Lily."
"Did you believe him?"
Remus sighed, "I don't know."
Lupin closed his eyes, wondering if he should be speaking to a nine-year-old about this, but she would find out eventually. He obviously couldn't hide this from her forever. It's better that it comes from him.
"He found Peter in a crowd of muggles and sent a blasting charm at him. Twelve innocent muggles died that day and all that was left of Peter was a finger. He had gone mad. They said when he was taken to Azkaban he was laughing.
Your father was one of my best friends. I loved him. He was my brother. But that man. That wasn't Sirius Black. That wasn't the man I spent my days at Hogwarts with, that's not the man that kept my secret, that's not the man who joked with me day in and out, that's not the man who loved you more than you could possibly imagine. That man died the day James and Lily did and he was replaced with a mad man."
Lilith sniffed. Her eyes still wet, but no tear dared to fall now. Silence once again filled the room, only the sound of the popping fire filled the space.
"I hate him," Lilith stated.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you- "
"No," she continued, "I'm happy you told me…everyday I've woken up wondering if he was going to be here to take me away. At first, I wanted him to. He was my dad. I had hoped he would come get me and we'd go home, but after a while I began to hope he'd never come back. Because if he did my whole life would change and I don't want it to. I love living here with you, I love going to my school and seeing my friends, I love getting to stay with the Weasleys. He hasn't been with me in a long time. He's not my father. He's not coming back."
Remus now shed a tear and pecked the top of her head. He had known this for years, but he never thought Lilith would come to this realization. For years she would ask Remus when Sirius would return, but eventually she stopped asking. And then completely stopped caring.
"Moony," she said quietly, "You're kind of like my dad. You take care of me, you feed me, you tell me you love me. That's what Mr. Weasley does for his kids."
Remus let out a small chuckle and smile, "Yes. I suppose that's true."
"Love you, Moony"
"Love you, Lilith"
1989
"Has she come back yet?"
"Agatha will come back when she comes back"
Lilith paced around their kitchen worriedly. She has been nervously and excitedly been anticipating her Hogwarts letter. The eleven-year-old could hardly believe that it was finally happening. She was upset to be leaving her muggle friends, but they said their goodbyes at the end of the school year and had decided that they'd make sure to see each other the next year when she returned from her "Private Boarding School" But now it was the summer and every day she had been awaiting getting that letter that would change everything.
Remus said that his years at Hogwarts were the best years of his life. He was in Gryffindor, which according to Hogwarts A History meant that he was brave and determined. Lilith made sure to get ahead on her reading this summer to distract herself from the goddamned letter that had still yet to arrive. This had been working perfectly until now, but there's only so much you can read. Eventually she started drawing out what she imagined the castle to look like, and then the great hall, and then most of the classrooms, and the quidditch pitch. It was therapeutic in a way, or maybe it was just crazy.
"Here she comes!" Lilith said excitedly.
The tawny owl screeched and flew through the window, dropping the letters on the dinner table before finding her perch in the living room.
Quickly Lilith sorted through the letters which were all for Remus, except one.
With a giddy glee she grabbed onto the envelope and ripped it open reading it through carefully.
She had just been officially accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Soon she'd be heading to Kings cross to be on her way to a new life.
"Dad!" she called out, "I got accepted to Hogwarts"
Remus came into the dining room and gave Lilith a big hug, "I told you that you had nothing to worry about. You're brilliant and they will love you just as much as I do very soon"
Lilith was practically beaming. This was it.
This was her start, her new beginning.
Hi everyone, so I started making this because I had some ideas for a middle and end of this story so I low key had no clue where to start, but I think it went okay and eventually will get better. I will try not to waste time on things I don't find important and I will attempt to make parts of the story longer so that I'm not rushing through everything either.
I'm thinking that the year thing was just a thing for this chapter to start things off and move the story along without having to constantly reveal bits of backstory throughout each chapter.
This is pretty much for me to get ideas out of my head since they've just been sitting there for a while and now, I sort of have time. If you get the urge to review my story though, please do. I love feedback because it helps me know if what I'm doing is good or not to people other than me. I mean if I didn't think it was kind of good, I probably wouldn't publish it, so keep me in line and let me know your opinion.
Also don't own anything except Lilith.
xoxo