Cullen

He could not fathom what Ashe was doing down in the cold, dark cellars of Skyhold. She had always detested cramped and what she referred to as 'creepy' places such as this, and had never – for as long as he had known her – gone down here.

But all the same, this was the direction her guards had pointed him in the minute he had thundered into the Skyhold courtyard on horseback and demanded to see her.

After Hawke's visit – where the mage had told him that Ashe was in fact not engaged to Alistair – Cullen had moved as quickly as he possibly could, arranging for his absence from Amaranthine while ignoring the cries of outrage from his advisers. Leaving his new arling so shortly after Mahariel had also left was not a popular decision, but what choice did he have? He had to see Ashe, had to explain himself. It had taken him a few weeks to prepare, but here he was, finally back in his old home.

Walking through the halls of Skyhold made him feel a great many things, but he tried to not let it get to him. He could not let himself get distracted when he had to focus every last bit of his persuasive skills and use them on Ashe, to beg for her forgiveness.

He was getting more and more anxious, having searched most of the underground floors for her by now. There was only one more place to look, although he doubted she would actually be cooped up in the liquor storage.

But all the same, he gently called her name as he swung the heavy wooden door open.

"Ashe?"

His heart skipped a beat when he spotted her sitting on top of a barrel, her leather clad legs dangling playfully over the edge. The look on her face was one of complete surprise, and he could not even remember how he could have ever given up on her as his eyes roamed over the siren-like creature before him. Her crimson hair shifted in gold and blood as the torch-light danced across her silhouette, and her piercing blue eyes seemed like they were glowing. He wanted to fall to his knees and tell her how sorry he was for what he had done – to have blindly believed rumors instead of fighting for her until his end.

But he felt like he was frozen in place as soon as her eyes landed on him.

The silence stretched on and Ashe was just as still as him, until she raised the bottle in her hand to her lips and took a sip. She scrounged up her face after she had swallowed.

"Maker, that is foul," she muttered before falling silent again.

He stepped forward, opening his mouth to let his pleas spill over his lips, but Ashe held up her hand and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"How could you have been so stupid?" Her voice was low but her tone sharp. Cullen knew that it was not a rhetorical question – she demanded an answer.

He took a deep breath. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking straight, I have never been able to when it comes to you, you know that, Ashe. I would do anything to take it back."

"Take what back? The fact that you so easily believed that I wanted to run off and play queen, or that you married another woman within days, not even bothering asking me if it was true or not first?"

"They tricked me, Ashe. You were not there! You don't..." His voice almost cracked. "You don't know what it fucking felt like to hear straight from Mahariel's mouth that you and Alistair were to be wed. And I know it was stupid of me not to ask you directly, but what reason did I have to suspect that Mahariel wasn't telling me the truth?"

Ashe finally lowered her challenging stare and looked away from him, eyes suddenly glinting with tears. Cullen wanted to wrap her in his arms but he did not dare move.

"Even if I could understand that, I will never understand why you married her."

Cullen felt sick. "I don't know either. I am so, so sorry Ashe, I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought that I didn't have anything left – not you, not the Inquisition, not anything. I was desperate, and maybe I wanted to hurt you. Hearing that you were going to marry Alistair – you don't know what that did to me."

Ashe jumped down from the barrel and closed the distance between them before shoving him hard in the chest. "I don't know what it did to you?" she screamed while Cullen stumbled back, fighting to keep his footing. "I know exactly what it fucking feels like, you idiot! You left me! Without so much as a goodbye, and before I even have time to react, I get news of your resignation as Commander of my forces and that you are to marry the Hero of Ferelden! And do you know what I did then, Cullen? Do you fucking remember what I did?"

Cullen knew exactly what she had done, but he could not bring himself to answer her. He was too ashamed.

"I left Skyhold immediately, threw myself to Denerim to see you, to clear up whatever misunderstanding that had led to this madness. But it didn't matter how hard and fast I rode there, did it? Because when I got there, I was greeted with the news that you and Mahariel had already married. And when I went to see you, you..." She trailed off, voice breaking and tears spilling down her face. It only seemed to make her angrier. "You treated me like the dirt under your shoes."

He had no idea what to say – he could only curse himself and his stupidity.

Ashe shoved at him again but he stood firm this time, letting her take out all the anger she wanted on him. She hit him in the chest a few times, each blow weaker than the one before, until he stopped her and put his arms around her. She stiffened at first, but he could feel all her energy leave her after a few moments and he held onto her hard, leaning her against him.

"You are right about everything," he murmured against the top of her head. "I am a weak and foolish man. But I love you, so, so much. I would do anything to make this right, anything to make you look at me without contempt again."

Ashe looked up at him. "Anything?"

Cullen felt his blood rush as a spark of hope lit inside him. "Anything, my love, no question."

"Then leave her."

Cullen did not hesitate for even a second. "Leave Mahariel? Of course I will. Why wouldn't I, even had you not asked me to? She lied to me, lured me into this. I don't care if Alistair made her do it or not, she still betrayed me."

Ashe disentangled herself from him and took a step back. "Good. I can understand why Alistair did it, but as for Mahariel's motives, I can't even imagine. Maybe she just wanted to destroy me out of spite."

Cullen raised his eyebrows. "Are you actually defending Alistair? And why in the Fade would she push you into Alistair's arms if she were jealous of you?"

"I am not defending him, but do I understand him? Of course I do, and I would think that you of all people would too. You said yourself just a moment ago that you would do anything for me. So would he."

Cullen felt like smashing something. "You are defending him," he snarled. "After all that he has done to us? After all the lies he told you?"

"I said I am not defending him! But you should watch where you throw your blame around since you are as much responsible for this mess as he is!"

"What?" How could she even say that?

"If you would have had more faith in me, this would have never happened." Ashe pushed past him, slipping through the door and made for the stairs.

"Don't you walk away from me. Ashe! Stop right fucking now!" He followed her but she did not listen.

"How would you even go about leaving Mahariel, Cullen? Andraste does not recognize the dissolution of a marriage – what were you planning to do, kill her?" She kept talking but did not slow her pace as she stormed up the stairs from the underground floor.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ashe. I know I can't undo the fact that she is my wife – but I would make it clear to her that I want nothing to do with her. You could leave the Inquisition, like you were planning to do for Alistair – but to be with me instead. We could live in Amaranthine together, you and I -"

Ashe stopped abruptly and swung around. "What?"

Cullen felt eyes on them as they had stopped in the middle of the throne room. Thankfully, there were not many people around but those who were had fallen quiet and watched the exchange with ill-concealed interest.

"Is it really such an alien idea to you? You would consider disbanding the Inquisition for him, but not for me?" he snapped.

"Are you being serious? He offered me his love, and his throne, and what do you suggest? That I leave my whole life and everything I have built to go live with you and your wife? Like some fucking mistress?"

"Mahariel wouldn't even be there, Ashe, but regardless, what am I supposed to do? She is my wife and no matter what, I can't make that go away."

"You could leave! You could leave and never fucking go back there, Cullen, wife or not! You don't owe her anything."

"I owe her the chance to explain, at least. I never let you do that, I won't make that mistake with her."

Ashe looked like he had struck her in the face, and Cullen screamed at himself internally for expressing himself like a complete idiot. "No, Ashe, I didn't mean it like that..."

"So everything you said down there, about how you will do anything for me, that was just more lies? You think I should forgive you for everything while we patiently wait for your wife to explain everything to you – to what end? What if she has a good explanation, about why she had to lie to you? What if you forgive her? Are you in love with her?"

"Of course I'm not fucking in love with her. Is it really too much to ask that I hear her out? For the Maker's sake Ashe, I stuck around and fought for you while you were busy playing every man in this hold, spreading your legs for Hawke and Alistair and me alike!"

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He heard gasps coming from people around them, but nothing killed him more than seeing the look on Ashe's face. He could see his own hope die as the light in her eyes went cold.

"I -"

"Don't even say anything, Cullen. Just leave."

"No, I -"

"I said leave."

She turned her back to him but he grabbed her hand and fell to his knees. "I didn't mean it, Ashe, please, I beg you, please forgive me, I didn't mean it like that."

She turned around to face him again. "You didn't mean what? That I'm a whore?" She yanked her hand out of his. "Guards!" she shouted, and in a matter of seconds, several armored men and women stood at her back. "This man is no longer a part of the Inquisition and as such, he has no right to be here. Throw him out and lock the gate behind him, on my command."

"Don't do this, Ashe, please! Please!"

She did not even look at him as they dragged him away.

Ashe

She went straight to her chambers after the humiliation she had just gone through was over, with strict orders not to be disturbed under any circumstances. Ashamed but overpowered by her weakness, she cried herself to sleep.