Kili's POV

"Come with me, Kee."

Fili's voice reached my ears just as I was about to abandon the last shreds of patience and send this stupid book flying through the room. Fili never failed to notice these moods in me. Sometimes, he got impatient himself and we fought. But more often than not his presence evoked something soothing in me. At some times, it felt like a trickle of cool water being poured on the burn. At other times, it was just the opposite: a spark of warmth pulling me from the coodness of uncertainty or disappointment. Fili was good at these. No, he was perfect.

"Where?" I asked, craving more distraction from the tediousness that had been occupying my mind for the last few hours.

Fili smiled his "not telling" smile which only served to excite me further. I shut down the book, with far less force than initially intended, and got up. Fili's books were still open, but he was no longer reading.

"Won't you get in trouble?" I asked, suddenly feeling light-headed.

Fili snorted.

"Well, if I will, so will you."

"Trouble it is then," I said, the remains of hesitation fleeing without a trace.

I could never resist him, so what was the point in trying now when I was bored out of my mind and needed some urgent distraction. I prefered to think of it as medicine, and Fili never failed in curing me. He knew exactly what I needed, when I needed it and, more importantly, how to deliver that without being patronizing or overwhelming. I didn't cope well with either of these things, and that knowledge was a part of who Fili was to me, what we were together. It was always like that between us, and that 'always' was one of the constants to turn to when everything else was fuzzy and unsure. I'd been lucky not to have too many of these 'fuzzy and unsure' moments. And once again, it was mostly Fili who made this luck possible.

Getting out of the stuffy room wasn't exactly a life-changing decision, but it was certainly one of the puzzles fleshing out a bigger picture.

"No, you shouldn't agree so easily. It spoils the fun," Fili said with a dramatic undertone in his voice.

I pretend-frowned and swaggered back to the chair, feeling Fili's laughing eyes on my back.

"Who said I agreed? We have to make a deal first,"

The truth was that I really liked this phrase and couldn't resist using it every time when the opportunity presented itsel. And it was quite an opportunity staring me in the face. Maybe I'd get Fee to gift me these daggers of his. Last time I checked, they looked really good with my garments. I'll have to be very careful not to mention that bit to Fili, though, as I didn't think he'd be too appreciative that I went through his stuff. The last time he learned of it... He didn't get mad at me, he never does. Not really. Still, he frowned and scolded a little, and instead of the much more plausible irritation what it evoked in me was regret. I regretted upsetting and disappointing him. It felt miserable and wrong.

But these feelings never lasted long between us. I knew that some people could hold grudges for ages, either by keeping silent or by fueling their fury by new arguments. Fili and I? We could never do that. We could be irritated out of our minds, fuming inside and generally on the verge of punching one another, but we would still talk because the alternative was just… unthinkable. And unbearable. That was no super smart coping strategy. It was just what we did. It was us.

Once, after a particularly loud argument, I'd worked himself up into a major sulk (as Fili put it) and attempted 'no speaking' retribution. In retrospect, it was hardly one of my brightest ideas (not that I'd ever admit it to Fili, of course).

"So you're still not talking to me?" Fili asked, leaning on the door with crossed arms and a strangely indulgent expression on his face.

I instantly hid myself under the covers and pretended to be asleep. Which probably wasn't very convincing because it was still an early evening and I hated to go to bed early. Fili was far more reasonable in that respect. That was who Fili was. A reasonable big brother. I scowled and shut my eyes, wishing for him to go away and leave me alone.

"Do you want me to go away?"

Yes, I did! But for some stupid reason I couldn't let the words out. I just couldn't. They got stuck in my throat, creating a suspicious lump, but never reaching my lips.

I curled up and pulled the covers closer. Then I moved around some more, telling myself not to care how that looked to Fili. Movement, any movement, calmed me, averting the attention from the mess of emotions I didn't feel up to sorting out at the moment. Breathing was becoming increasingly difficult, but I didn't care. I only cared about…

The sound of footsteps was quiet but sure. He was going away. Fili was really going away, leaving me alone with… all of that. I kicked my legs, in a desperate attempt to… what? Catch his attention? No! I didn't get his stupid attention! It was all fine. I would be fine.

The steps halted.

No longer able to make do with the stuffy under-the-covers air, I made a small air-hole where my nose was and tried to restore air flow in my lungs. That felt good.

The sounds of footsteps, now quicker than before, made something go hot in my chest.

"No!" I cried out, before the thought could even register in my mind.

A stifled chuckle followed. I groaned and tried to adjust the covers once again. But then, what was the point? My cover was blown anyway, quite literally at that, and a stupid piece of fabric wasn't going to replace that. It seemed I was hopeless at keeping silent. Or Fili was just too good.

Still, I got out of the bed, with as much dignity as I could master and tried to pay as little attention to Fili as possible. In truth, I wanted to look in his eyes. To see if he was still angry with me. To ask him not to be, if he still was. But no. I would handle it as a grown-up. Grown-ups didn't need their brothers' approval. And so won't I.

Just as I was about to go past him, Fili grabbed me by the hand. He didn't force me to look at him, but I still did. I couldn't ignore him.

I was still angry, but the nasty voice in my head subdued to a whisper. Fili's eyes were exasperated, and I instantly wanted to stop looking at him, for an entirely different reason this time.

I knew what he'd say. A childish Kili who sulks and throws tantrums. Nothing new here. And I didn't want to hear that. Not from him.

"How did you even manage to breathe under there? I thought you'd suffocate."

There was a smile in Fili's voice, and I couldn't resist a chuckle bursting out of me.

Exasperation mixed with fondness. I'd seen this combination so many times. From Fili. Or from Uncle and Mother. Somehow, they liked to direct that particular look at me. Suddenly, I wanted to hug Fili.

"Knock it off," I murmured, instead.

He didn't seem fooled. But that was Fili. I could never fool my Fili.

"So you are ready to talk now?" he asked, a subtle trace of laughter in his voice. The next second I realized, too late, that it was a distracting maneuver. And a very low one.

In a blink of an eye, my hands were restrained on my back and I was marched, quite unceremoniously, to the bed. I tried to fight him off, with alarmingly little result. He'd only succeeded because he caught me off guard, no other reason for that. And it wasn't fair!

I tried telling him that, but he only pressed harder, making me groan and swear.

"I haven't even started anything yet," he informed me in an offensively cheerful voice.

To think that I've ever liked Fili's chuckles! Now they were outright insulting! And unfair.

And what did he mean by 'not starting anything yet'? What was there to start?

"That's mean, Fili!" I complained, still hoping to sway him. At least no one could blame me for the lack of trying.

Fili answered, but not in the way I expected. I hated being thrown at things, and being thrown at bed, however soft, wasn't that much of an improvement compared to my former position. I couldn't stop a groan from escaping.

"What was really mean, Kili, is your silence games. But you're quite welcome to continue them if you want."

That didn't sound good. I only had one moment to acknowledge the thought before he started tickling me. And quite mercilessly at that. I squealed. Then I laughed. That circle of hell went on for some time with no pause or answer for my 'let me at least take a breath' pleads. Finally, when his hold on my hands slipped, I managed to wriggle myself out and take him down. He did fall, but I was still pinned under him. And wasn't that just the greatest luck?

Thanks Mahal, Fili was also out of breath by that time, so he let me go, ending the torture. I tried to wrestle him down and make him pay, but he ducked, annoyingly on time, and pulled me down with him.

The rest was too embarrassing to mention, so I decided to erase it from my memory.

And no, Fili's opinion didn't count in that matter.

Making a deal with Fili, though. I had to be careful with that. Naturally, 'careful' wasn't one of my strongest suits, but I'd have to really try this time. Fili was smart. But he was just as stubborn. And I only had one shot at this game.

The mere thought was making me nervous. But also excited. What if I could make Fili promise something really nice? Something he'd not give if I just asked? The daggers were one option. But also…

"Not my daggers," Fili said, and I felt disappointment crush into me. That wasn't fair.

"It's a deal, Fee! Which means that two people have to agree on things to trade. And I'm not agreeing on you denying me the daggers!"

That sounded perfectly reasonable to my ears, but Fili objected.

"That's not how it works, Kee. You can't make demands of me and expect me to fulfill them immediately. We must continue until we find a common ground – something we both agree to, however reluctantly."

A nice beginning, this. We haven't even started with the negotiations yet, and he was already outsmarting me.

"How do you even know that?"

Fili gave me a strange look.

"You really want these daggers, didn't you?"

I blinked at him. Did I want the daggers? What kind of question was that? I was quickly becoming impatient. And, evidently, so was Fili, seeing as he got up, took a piece of paper and proceeded to draw something that looked like a chart. I suppressed a groan. I hated charts. I kind of liked how Fili explained, though. Compared to others, he was more… well, not exactly patient, we'd had some dark periods in that regard, but he was definitely less overbearing, which helped me direct my energy at actual thinking and learning rather than getting distracted with adjusting my emotional response.

Still, I had to pay attention, and what I wanted to do was get into it right away and figure things out from there. Weren't we supposed to get away from this stuffy room anyway? Well, we were not exactly supposed to do that, what we were supposed to do was exactly the opposite. But hadn't we decided on that together?

"Kili!"

I didn't want Fili to lose patience, and that was a first clear sign of that approaching.

"I'm listening," I said, trying to sound casual.

Fili narrowed his eyes at me.

"I really hope so. Or we go back to studying."

"What?"

Did I hear that correctly? Fili wanted to go to these stuffy books? Were they more interesting?

"But we…"

Fili smirked, looking smug.

"And that's your first lesson in making deals. There is no deal until the terms have been specified. What did I say? Did I promise you what you think I promised?"

I tried to remember his exact words. He told me to come with him. It wasn't exactly a promise. It was an offer, though. Which I accepted. Didn't that make it a promise? A sudden realization hit me: somehow, Fili tricked me into not accepting his offer and proposing a deal instead. Yes, that was what happened. And now there was no promise and no deal because, apparently, I didn't know how to make one. Sometimes, my brother was… My vengeful thoughts were rather rudely interrupted by a slap to the back and an insultingly amused chuckle.

"Yes, little brother. So now you have no choice but to listen to me."

I tried to return the slap, with a little more force, but Fili caught my hand behind my back and didn't let go until I agreed not to attack him. I could still swear at him, though. To my disappointment, Fili remained maddeningly unaffected by my efforts.

"Let's go over this again," he said in his calm, soothing voice.

"And what if I refuse to make a deal?" I asked, suddenly eager to change the subject.

"Well, then we don't go anywhere. Quoting you, 'no deal, no going out'."

"But I never said that!"

"You implied it."

I wanted to go on protesting, but then I looked at him. Really looked at him. I'd always wanted to fight like my brother. He was courageous, strong, and quick. He was everything a true warrior should be. At times, I couldn't believe that he was also my Fili.

I'd never concerned myself with the art of talking. For me, talking was talking, simple as that. But seeing Fili now, listening to him explain things and draw conclusions, I suddenly found myself getting very much concerned. One day, I wanted to be like him, and that speaking ability of his seemed to be an inevitable part of the journey. Would I ever be able to master that? I wasn't sure. A few minutes ago, I was sure I would never want that for myself, but now the mere thought of never getting it right soured my mood.

Fili gave me a suddenly serious look.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," I said.

Fili didn't believe me. His eyes were eloquent enough. But I couldn't tell him. I will tell him later, though. After I'd mastered the skill.

I looked at the paper, the word 'daggers' instantly catching my attention.

"I thought you said I can't have them."

Fili smirked at me in this smug way of his that simultaneously melted me and reminded me of the sad fact that we had a five year gap between us and nothing could ever be done about that.

Fili's smugness only intensified when he started speaking.

"You couldn't then. You can't now, either," he added urgently, catching my hopeful glance. "You have to work for it. Begin more cautiously. Start with smaller things? Then strengthen your claim."

I sighed and let myself think. How could I be cautious about demanding the daggers? How could one be cautious when demanding something? These two didn't even have anything in common!

But Fili was looking at me with an expectant gaze, clearly not intending to help me out in any way, so I thought some more.

Smaller things. Were there some smaller things in Fili's possession that I wanted? Nothing came to mind. He had some nice beads, but I've never developed much liking for those. What else did he have? We seemed to share everything anyway. Beads weren't the best option, but, tired of fruitless thinking, I decided to give it a go.

Fili gave me a long look.

"You don't really want them, though, do you?"

A part of me wanted to tell the truth, but if I did… we would be back to nothing once again, and I didn't fancy doing any more thinking. Improvisation was always my first, and eventually best, choice.

"I do."

Fili gave me an approving look and I felt warm inside.

"Alright. Why do you, though?"

I frowned.

"Isn't it enough that I just do?"

"No. If it was, negotiations wouldn't be such big a deal. Reasons are part of the fun."

I didn't think I was having much fun, but Fili was right. It would have been too easy.

"Well, they look good, and… I think it will really annoy you when you come to your senses and decide that you want them back."

Fili's eyes widened at that.

"Oh, I think you're beginning to have fun, little brother."

I did manage to give him a serious look, even though it'd cost me a bitten lip.

"Do you think that seeing my daggers in your possession will annoy me less?"

I pretended to think on that.

"Of course! You're always less annoyed when I'm better protected."

Fili gave me an incredulous look and shook his head.

"No need for the charts, I guess."

I beamed under his praise.

Was it a praise, though? I was pretty much sure it was, but re-checking could never hurt.

"I nailed it, didn't I?"

Now, it was Fili's turn to pretend-think.

"You have good instincts. Not much knowledge. Or should I say no knowledge at all? But very good, solid instincts."

So it was a praise, after all. I didn't like how Uncle-like Fili was being with all that 'criticism first praise second' stuff, but I'd learned long ago to appreciate any praise, in however unappealing a form.

"Are you surprised?"

The words were out before I could snatch them back.

Fili gave me an easy look and even as easier 'no'. A strange tickling feeling inside me intensified.

I might never be just like Fili, but today, that didn't seem to matter in the slightest. Today, I was perfectly happy being Kili.