Hi everyone! Hope all is well.
The face in the mirror was a complete stranger. She noticed the way her eyes popped more and how her lip remained in a permanent pout. Thank goodness they hadn't gone all the way and she could still see the texture of her skin through the makeup. Her usual bare face was painted and sculpted to 'enhance her natural beauty' as Akyla said.
What she and anybody else looking at her couldn't see was the knot pulled taunt in her chest. The way it pressed against her ribs trying to break free. How the pressure was building so much it was getting hard to breath. Morgan turned away from the mirror and crossed her arms in front of her.
She stared at the dress hanging on the closet doors. The lace trimming was extenuated against the dark wood behind it and her eye caught the small pearls sown into the material. Each little bobble glinted in the light of the dressing room and she knew it would create an even bigger spectacle once she was in front of everyone. With a sigh she sat down and wrapped the robe around her body.
Morgan didn't feel like a bride. Her face didn't emit the happy glow everyone said it should. The planning had been horrible and, after a few weeks she gave up, letting her mom and Akyla take over. Most importantly, this didn't feel like the biggest day of her life. She hadn't seen the barn yet and didn't really know who was coming. Alex joked that it felt like it wasn't even their wedding anymore and although she laughed, Morgan felt the same.
Morgan looked back in the mirror and tried to rearrange an escaped hair.
"You look beautiful." She whirled around and jumped up when she spotted who it was.
"Peter!" She squealed and shot forward wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He held her tightly and she breathed in his unique scent. It was one she couldn't quite place besides holding a note of home. Peter was her best friend and longest confidant. He'd watched over her most of her childhood when her mom was gone with work and through the years their friendship grew stronger. She was there for his wedding and now he was here to do the same.
"I missed you." Her lips were muffled against his shirt but the tightening of his arms was answer enough. She pulled back and held him at arm's length to get a good look at him. It had been far too long since she'd seen him.
"Hello, Mr. Grey." She said with a teasing smirk. He ran his hand through his hair and she watched as his cheeks turned a dull red.
"It's not that bad. Is it?" Of course, Peter Parker, Spider-man, superhero to the world was worried about a few grey hairs. She laughed which caused him to become more flustered.
"I was kidding, Peter. It looks good actually. I couldn't have a better-looking Maid of honor"
They made their way over to the chairs and she listened while he updated her on his life. Samantha, his five-year-old and her goddaughter, was just starting kindergarten that year.
It seemed crazy that it was almost five years ago when she looked got the call and took a red-eye all the way back to New York. Her boss skeptically said she could have waited and work was more important, but Morgan knew she had to be there to support Peter and MJ. In fact, Peter never let her forget that she almost missed it but, in the end, she was there to hold his hand and keep him from fainting. That was a fact Morgan never let him forget. And MJ would forever mock that the two of them had to sit down feeling worn out and exhausted when MJ was the one doing all the actual work.
In the end the three of them crowded around the little bundle and smiled at the small tuft of hair peeking out from the yellow hospital hat. It was the first baby Morgan had held and she swore her heart expanded when the small hand rested on her chest. Ever since she'd made it her mission to spoil the hell out of her favorite kid in the world and earn the title of best aunt. It was good hearing about Sammy and her family. She missed them and not for the first time toyed with the idea of moving back to New York.
She played absentmindedly with the sleeve of her robe and didn't realize how silent it was until she felt a hand on her knee. Something stopped her from looking up and instead she focused on from Peter's hand. It encased her knee and she could feel the calluses through her tights. They were the hands that lifted her up for piggyback rides and, when her mom wasn't there, sent her flying across the city. They taught her how to ride a bike and later on rubbed her back when her heart was broken for the first time. They carried immeasurable strength. Of all Peter's powers she knew it was his ability to lend that strength, to share it with his loved ones that was the most special of all.
She laid her own hand on his and glanced up at his face, trying not to note the concern in his furrowed eyebrows.
They talked about her dad a handful of times throughout the years and only drunk when they were older. Peter used to tell her stories about her dad. Great tales of courage through which she felt closer to him. He lived on in Peter's stories and Morgan would forever be grateful for that. But she never liked the jealous feelings that rose within her as she got older. Why did he get to spend so much more time with her dad? Why did Peter know her dad's favorite song and not her? She knew the feelings weren't fair to Peter. It was hard enough talking about her dad in general that he didn't need to know about her petty feelings so she squashed them down.
It was impossible to not think about him and today she didn't want to.
It was a maudlin thought but to Peter she looked remarkably similar to when he saw her on the dock the day of the funeral. His friend's eyes held the same dullness as they had before. Her shoulders hunched over, making her body appear smaller than it was, and, like then, she played with the hem of her shirt. Morgan looked so different than her larger than life personality and Peter's fist clenched at the injustice of it.
Here was the happiest days of her life and she was being haunted by shadows. He remembered the nightmares she woke up from on the weekends he would watch her. Cries slipping into the night and an endless supply of tears. He would run to her room, careful not to trip on any of the toys, and would hold the girl in his arms until she passed out. How many times had he woken up in her room? How many times did they stay up late watching movies or making cookies because she was fearful of sleep?
The worst was the waiting. That first couple weeks after the funeral he didn't think that Morgan understood what happened or maybe she was in denial about everything. He basically lived at their house then and couldn't count how many times he found Morgan sitting by the front door looking out. Nothing would budge her from that little spot by the windows. When he asked, she looked at him like it was the stupidest question ever and said "I'm waiting for dad, Peter. What else would I be doing?"
He staggered back and fell to the stairs. Her head turned back around and they stayed quiet until it was dark. Finally, he tore her away from the door with the temptation of food but the next day she was back and soon they fell into the pattern of sitting on either side of the door.
Peter looked at his friend, his sister. Her dress hung behind her and he couldn't be happier for her. Alex, her soon-to-be-husband, was a good guy. Peter saw the report Happy sent out to the family and met Alex over the years. Marriage wasn't easy but with the right person by your side it was worth it. He smiled at the thought of his baby sitting getting married. It seemed like just yesterday she was screaming to him because the tooth fairy came and she thought they needed new security measures.
Morgan fumbled with the hem of her robe and glanced up from under her eyelashes noticing Peter's gaze on her. Feeling a blush come to her cheeks she got up and moved to the bag in the corner of the room, talking over her shoulder.
"I know this is asking a lot but will you watch it with me, Peter?" He sighed and her stomach dropped but she kept going, needing to convince him. "I need to see him. I want to have him with me today." She said simply. Her fingers fumbled with it but then she produced the red and gold mask from the bag. Morgan turned around and held it between her hands to show Peter. He flinched back but after a moment nodded slowly.
"I haven't seen it since that day, but of course I will. If that's what you want." His voice wavered but she noted the determined glint in his eyes. She ignored the guilty feeling and went to set it up.
She brushed the dust that hadn't come off in her bag and, pushing the makeup on the desk to the side, set it down in the small clear space. Her hand rested on the crown of the head before she pushed turned it on. Peter was sitting on the small couch and she went over to sit next to him. Their hands entwined and she leaned her head against his shoulder.
"Thank you, Peter." He swallowed and kissed the top of her head.
In all honesty she wasn't sure why she wanted to watched it today of all days. There were months of planning and any one of those would have worked just as well. But that damn coil in her stomach plagued her at the thought. It was only now, seeing Peter sitting there and willing that she had the strength to watch it. She wanted her dad to see her on her wedding day.
The glow of the light casted shadows across the room and it was silent. They stopped breathing until it flickered to life and he was sitting there in front of them. Morgan willed her eyes to stay dry. Her back straightened unconsciously as his voice filled the room and Peter clung to her even tighter. For the first time since that day when she had been so young she heard her father's words with someone else beside her.
"I hope families are reunited."
She sniffled and hid her head in his shoulder. There was something wet seeping into her head and a pang of sympathy hit her. Here she was bringing up one of the most traumatic moments in her friend's life without a care. She grabbed his hand with all her strength knowing she wouldn't hurt him.
Tears dripped down their faces and mingled on their clasped hands, joining them in grief. There was a hole inside of her. It was there since he father left that day and continued to grow everyday she sat on the steps of her house and waited. She learned the hard way that no amount of work would fill it. Many times, she gave up family time to try and not feel and every time she failed. Her dad was gone and that hole in her in the shape of his heart would always be empty.
"I love you 3000."
He looked them in the eye as he spoke those words she'd said to him so long ago. Morgan felt a peculiar sense of nothing. The room went dim as the eyes in the mask went dark and she got up to walk to the window.
The sun was shining down, illuminating the flowers outside. She could see the bees and a few butterflies flying to a tune she couldn't hear. Strange though, Morgan couldn't feel the heat on her skin. Her hand came up and she looked at her newly manicured nails but felt nothing. There were dried tears on her face but she couldn't muster the same sadness she felt before. All that was there was the hole in her. The one that she'd grown up with.
Morgan thought that watching it would let him be with her with her on today. To know he was there beside her when she was walking down the aisle and he was there blessing her union with Alex. But instead of his presence filling the hole, she felt it more acutely. All her other senses numbed besides the one and her hand trembled on the windowsill. All she wanted was her dad to be with her on her wedding day.
Peter stood next to her.
"I miss him so much, Peter. Sometimes I don't know how I survived - how the world survived without him."
"We survived because of him." He whispered. "And he's here today. You can feel him in the sun or how everyone made it today despite being spread throughout the world. Even Happy came back from his honeymoon in time to make it."
"I used to be so angry. At first with him and then at the world but now it's just this numbness. I can think of it without any of the pain but in some weird sense I miss that the most. I wish I had the reminder but I can't feel it anymore."
"I miss him, too"
"Does it ever get easier?"
"Truthfully, no. I still miss my parents and Ben. That will never go away. But their lives, their souls live on in you and it's a hard burden to bear. There's no denying that, but I know he would be so proud of the woman you have become. I am."
A touch of warmth came back to her and she forced a smile on her face.
"I can't believe I convinced Alex to marry me"
They shared a smile and Peter pulled her into a hug. Another smaller burst of warmth flared in her and she thanked the world for her best friend. He may not always know what to say but he was always there when she needed him.
Akyla came in bursting in the room without knocking.
"What have you done to her, Peter? You're the Maid of honor are you not? And you're supposed to make sure the bride doesn't look bad. It's like your one job."
"I don't look that bad, do I?" She said but the two others ignored her. Peter was in the midst of protesting and Akyla was pushing him out of the way.
"You could never look bad but let me just fix this." It was hard to understand because a tub of something was between her lips but Morgan let herself be dragged to the torture seat as she called it and sat there like a good bride.
Her eyes flitted over to were Peter stood against the wall and mouthed a thank you to him. He nodded once before going back to staring at the floor. She tried to concentrate on what Akyla was saying. Her friend was a talker and times like these that came in handy.
Her eyes wandered back to Peter and she saw that he moved across the room to the second pile of makeup, which was pushed to the side. He stood in front of the place where she knew the helmet rested. His back was toward her and Morgan wished she could see his face. What she wouldn't give to know what he was thinking. His back muscles clenched and he bowed his head even lower.
She thought if anyone understood, Peter would. Her friend lost so many people over his life and risked his own even more. It used to scare her. It still did. She remembered her mom and her watching Spider-man on the news. Her knees jammed into her mom's legs as she practically laid on her lap. The newsman recounted the superhero's great feats with clapping from the background. Back at home the two ladies watching were not clapping. Her mom's hand rubbed down her back as they worried.
Her friend spoke and Morgan looked back at Peter.
"All set. You're ready now." Akyla smiled and gently caressed her cheek. "I'll go get the other bridesmaids ready." She nodded and exited the room after hugging the bride.
Peter cleared his throat and came back around.
"Are you ready?" He handed her a tissue and she dabbed her eyes while nodding. "I'll be there the whole time, Morgan. Waiting for you to give me that bouquet of flowers."
She laughed at the image of Peter, the Maid of honor walking down the aisle with her other bridesmaids. They stood before the door waiting. He wound his arms around her and she leaned into him again. Together they walked to the back of the barn.
Her mom had wanted the wedding to be at one of the premier venders in New York but Morgan refused. Instead they were having it at her home. Her mom and Akyla handled everything with care and ridiculously good expertise. The barn was magnificent. There was a soft glow to the room from hanging lights on the ceiling. The bows of light were decorated with hanging flowers. There pews lining the hall with more flowers. Anywhere she looked some sort of flower was there. The scent hung in the air creating a fantasy like image.
Peter gave her one last tight hug whispering that he loved her before he took his place at the front of the line. Then after him the other bridesmaids and groomsmen took their turn walking to the front of the barn.
Rhodey and Happy came up beside her and she gave them her arm. Rhodey's eyes glistened as he looked at her and even Happy couldn't keep the scowl on his face. The two men guided her to the back of the line. Looking past all the pews, all the people gathered to celebrate their day, she saw Alex waiting. For a moment she staggered. Happy and Rhodey looked down at her but she relayed nothing.
They had been there for her throughout her life. Guarded and looked after her. Supported her. Loved her. But for this moment she let herself be selfish. She felt the whole keenly and just wanted her dad to be there with her. She wanted his sparkling eyes and bad jokes. She needed his arm to be around hers and his strength to carry her down the aisle.
Morgan stopped the procession and stared around. She saw her mom leaning in the whisper something to MJ and Peter stood at the front of the room surrounded by girls in their bridesmaids' dress. She could just make out Alex and saw the way he was straightening his tie for what was probably the hundredth time that day. Then Morgan felt the hands of her dearest Uncles and realized that maybe in some small way her dad was there. Not in the capacity she wanted or needed, but for a moment Morgan swore she smelled his curious scent of oil and pine.
Her breath hitched and Happy produced a handkerchief. He bickered with Rhodey for a moment, saying they should call the whole thing off while Rhodey was slightly more optimistic.
"I'm fine." She said. "We are not canceling the wedding. I'm not going through all that planning again."
The two men shuddered but agreed. There were pricks in the corner of her eyes and she looked upward at the heavenly clouds of flowers. Rhodey and Happy were silent but hugged her closer. With a deep breath she painted a smile on her face, ignored the scratchiness in the back of her throat, and proceeded down the aisle. To her future.
Leave a comment and let me know what you think, Please!