The Dragon Brat

Episode 5

An Empty Bone

Night had fallen at the castle of Katolis. A mysterious figure, cloaked in shadows, walked into a darkened room, locking the door behind them. After a short pause, the figure walked further into the chamber towards-

*Bang!*

"Ow! Son of a-" They winced as they banged their elbow, then continued forward to-

*Thud!*

"MOTHER-" This time they had stubbed their toe. They took a deep breath before taking another step-

*Crash!*

They had tripped over a chair.

"Okay, screw this!" The figure reached out and snapped on a light. Lord Viren angrily brushed himself off and fixed his hair, then made his way over to the bookshelf along the wall. He pressed a book, and the shelf swung around to reveal-

A pile of ladies underwear.

"Godammit wrong secret shelf-"

He hurriedly pressed another switch, the bookshelf spinning around again to reveal a slender tree with shining leaves. Glowing butterflies fluttered about the branches.

Whistling cheerily, Viren snatched up a couple butterflies and tossed them into a blender, then slapped a lid on top.

*VVVVRRRRRRR!*

A few minutes later, he walked out of his chambers, a mug in hand. Happily humming the Folgers theme song, he took a sip of his drink and walked off, a skip in his step.

-The Next Morning-

Far away from the castle, a familiar rowboat was pulled up onto dry land, Prince Ezran and Rayla spread out on the grass nearby, fast asleep. Callum sat up with the strange cube, studying it curiously in the dawn light. He held his Primal Stone up to it and watched as the corresponding symbol glowed in response. The same happened with Bait. Grinning mischievously, he snuck closer to Rayla, leaning over her and watching as the Moon symbol lit up. Her arm suddenly shot out grabbed him by the throat.

"Gak! Rayla! Stop! It's me!" he choked out.

"Oh, I know." Rayla opened her eyes and glared up at him. "Any particular reason you're leaning over me and breathing heavily while I'm sleeping?" She paused. "Other than being your creepy, teenage self, I mean."

"Sorry," Callum wheezed as she finally released him. "I was just trying out my cube. You know, my magic cube that's magic and responds to other magic sources… magically."

"Ugh, okay! I get it! It's not completely useless." Callum smiled triumphantly. "It can also work as a night light."

"MAGICAL night light," he corrected.

"Whatever it's still just a fucking night light, Callum." Bait eyed the cube angrily, making plans to take care of the competition. Rayla sighed and stood up. "Well, I'm going to find some breakfast."

"Wait we already have food-" Callum turned to the bag. Ezran sat there, frozen, his cheeks full and eyes wide. "…Okay yeah if you find some food that would be great."

"Wasn't that bread hard as rocks?" Rayla asked in confusion. "How did you chew it?"

"Don't underestimate me," Ezran said solemnly, his mouth full, then swallowed. Callum grimaced.

"You are going to shit bricks."

-Back at the Castle-

Lord Viren threw open the large double doors to the throne room and slowly walked in, eyeing the empty throne coyly, his shirt slipping open to reveal one old-man shoulder.

"Hey, baby. Come here often?" He paused to put on a record of smooth jazz and lit some scented candles. "It's just you and me, now…and I can't WAIT to-"

"Are you sex-talking a chair?" a voice translated from behind. There was a record-scratch, and Viren whirled around to find General Amaya and Gren standing there, the needle lifted off the record.

"Well that certainly killed the mood-"

"We need to talk," Gren translated as Amaya signed. Viren snickered.

"I believe that's a rather poor choice of-"

"Finish that, and my fists do the talking."

Viren wisely shut the fuck up.

-Back in the Woods-

Rayla walked through the peaceful forest, snacking on a handful of berries she'd found on a bush.

"You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now," she muttered to herself, patting her stomach. She slipped through a break in the trees and sat at the edge of a cliff, looking broodily out at the surrounding landscape. She glanced down at the white thread around her wrist. "I should be far enough away for them not to hear me…" She pulled out a jackhammer.

"Help! HEEEELP!"

Rayla gasped, jumping to her feet in a rush. She leapt into the trees, dashing across branches and flipping down into their makeshift camp, knives drawn and at the ready.

"What is it who is it who do I need to kill-"

"I think a spider crawled into my bedroll!" Callum wailed, pointing fearfully at his blanket. "Could you check for me?"

"…Okay so, you. I need to kill you."

"What? No! Just kill the spider!"

"Why? It hasn't done anything wrong."

"Yeah, Callum!" Ezran joined in. "It has just as much right to live as you!"

"Ugh, nevermind! I'll take care of it myself! I'll just copy Claudia's lightning spell." Callum pulled out the Primal Stone and the cube, holding one in each hand. He chanted a word and the orb and cube both lit up, bolts of lighting shooting out in a surge, sparking around him like a miniature storm. He froze in place, not moving for several long moments.

"…What are you waiting for?" Ezran asked after a pause.

"…Well I can't do it with you two looking."

"Fine." Ezran and Rayla turned around and waited. Still nothing. "Okay seriously what's wrong-"

"Nothing! I'm just thinking that it's a living thing and maybe it doesn't deserve to die-"

"You don't remember how to finish it, do you," Rayla stated.

"Yes I do! I remember perfectly well-"

"Your hands are smoking."

"I smell bacon!" Ezran cried excitedly.

"Oh God that's my palms cooking help me please-"

"Wait, you mean no bacon?!"

"Both of you, calm down!" Rayla shouted over them.

"Look, I only know the first half of the spell, okay?" Callum admitted, still not daring to move as the sparks shot all around him. "But I'm very good at that half! That's a passing grade, right?"

"No, it absolutely is not," Rayla said. "Are you sure you went to school?"

"This is serious! I don't know what to do now!" Callum went on. "I only saw the first part! Claudia said something like, 'fool' or 'full'-"

"Yeah, both work with you," Rayla snorted. "Fool or full of it. Listen, when you release a spell, there's usually a word or a phrase in ancient Draconic."

"Okay, cool! Anybody here speak Dragon?" He and Rayla both paused, then looked at Ezran, who was cooing at the Dragon Brat's egg.

"Hey, don't look at me!" he cried. "I don't actually know what he's saying. It's just make-believe!"

"…You made me sing lullabies to him last night," Rayla said slowly. "For an hour."

"Yeah, that was for me. I was having trouble sleeping."

"You told me he needed a massage!" Callum shouted in outrage. "I rubbed his egg until my hands were raw! I still have calluses!"

"Yeah, I was just messing with you."

"That's it I'm gonna fry you and your stupid egg-"

"Hold on!" Rayla stopped him. "I know some words in Draconic- mostly swears, but, maybe there's something that'll work. Just let me think…"

"Please hurry, I'm getting all tingly here, and not in a good way," Callum begged. Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Hey! You know what? I just thought of a great idea!"

"No! Do NOT throw it!"

"…You don't know that was what I'm going to do!"

"Yes, I do." Rayla glared at him. "You're an idiot. You were going to throw it."

"I was not going to throw it! I'm not stupid!" Callum shouted back, then paused. "…It was going to be more of a gentle underhand toss, really-"

"I don't care what it is! DON'T do it!"

"Throw it to me!" Ezran cried, jumping up and down excitedly and waving a catcher's mitt. "I'm open, I'm open!"

"Go long!" Callum pulled an arm back to throw.

"NO! Stop! Don't you dare! Timeout!" Rayla blew a whistle shrilly, then turned to glare at Ezran. "Go sit down, you're in timeout." Ezran slumped in disappointment and walked away. "Now, Callum. Let's just take a moment here to think, CAREFULLY, of how to get out of this situation. Why don't we-"

"Gah-CHOO!" Callum suddenly sneezed violently, the Primal Stone flying out of his hands. Rayla's athletic instincts kicked in and she snatched the orb out of the air. The crowd cheered and did the wave. There was a flash of brilliant light and a deafening crack. Wincing, Callum slowly opened his eyes to see Rayla holding the Primal Stone, her hair smoking and standing on end, sparking with electricity.

"Oh thank God you're alive-"

"You won't be for long," Rayla snarled out through gritted teeth, holding the orb up. "This is going down your throat." Callum gulped. "And the cube is going up your ass." Callum choked. "And they're going to meet in the middle." Callum went pale.

"Yeah, you're dead," Ezran stated. "There's no running from the legendary Super Saiyan. Her power level is definitely over nine thousand. Not even the Dragon Balls could save you now." He paused. "Can I have all your stuff?"

"This is ridiculous," Rayla growled, attempting to fix her hair and only succeeding in shocking herself. "You're a better assassin than I am through sheer stupidity."

"I'm sorry, I'm just so excited to be learning magic that I got a little carried away," Callum said with sincerity. Rayla relaxed. "…Nnnnow give it back so I can try again-"

"Absolutely NOT! The sooner we return the Egg, the sooner I can get away from you- I mean…end this war. Now let's go already."

"Okay, okay," Callum sighed in defeat. "Come on, everyone in the boat."

"Wait, what? The boat?" Rayla blinked at him. "But I swear I disposed of it properly-"

"Yeah, somebody forgot to tie it up last night," Ezran said. "But it washed up on shore anyway!"

"Lucky son of a bitch," Rayla muttered under her breath, then noticed them staring at her. "I mean…we are such a lucky sons of bitches!"

"Do you…not like the boat or something?" Callum asked, curious.

"I like the boat just fine!" she snapped back. "Why can't we just walk, though? We have perfectly good legs." She paused, looking him up and down. "I mean, other than you and your twiggy ankles. If anything, the walk will do you good."

"I have an acceptable knee to shin ratio- listen, Rayla. Is there something you're not telling us?" Callum gave her a serious look. She froze, her eyes darting about nervously.

"What? Of course not! I'm being completely open and honest with you guys about everything!" She hesitated. "…I think I might be getting a hemorrhoid from all the pooping-"

"Okay too open." Callum held up a hand to stop her.

"Listen, I am NOT scared of the boat!" Rayla argued hotly, then paused. "…I'm scared of what's OUTSIDE the boat."

"Awww! You're afraid of the water! That's adorable." Ezran stopped, his eyes narrowing. "…I have competition."

"Why didn't you just say so?" Callum shook his head, then grabbed his bag. "Lemme see if I packed some floaties-"

"Alright, enough! I'll take the stupid boat!" She stomped over towards it. "I'll be fine, I can do this-" She put one foot in the boat. "Nope I can't do this and you can't make me-" She tried to turn back around and was tackled into the boat by Ezran.

"I've got her legs, Callum! Go go go, paddle!"

Callum hurriedly shoved the boat into the water and jumped in, grabbing the oars while Rayla screamed in protest.

-With Lord Viren-

Back at the castle, General Amaya was aggressively signing to Lord Viren while Gren interpreted for her.

"How could you let this happen?! The boys were in your care! This is just like the time you let them play with matches and Ezran lost his eyebrows-"

"They asked politely," Lord Viren cut in. "What was I supposed to do, say no? You're acting like I invited the Elf Assassins!"

General Amaya held up a flier that read: 'Killer Party at the Castle! Everyone's Invited! Elves Get In for Free. Come On In, the Back Door is Open For All (You Can Just Jimmy the Lock, Anyway)'.

"…That was going to be for a surprise birthday party for Harrow," Viren said quickly. "There must have been…some sort of mix-up."

Amaya pointed to the line that read, 'BYOB: Bring Your Own Blades'.

"That was a typo."

"I had to LEAVE our strong hold at the Breach." Amaya began to sign again. "Do you have ANY idea the dangerous forces gathered at our border? Not to mention I missed pizza night. That is my FAVORITE night."

"I did everything in my power to protect the King!" Viren argued back, inching closer to the throne. "I was willing to give my own life!"

"Then why are you still here? Cold feet?"

"I have poor circulation- Harrow's own stubbornness stopped me from saving him!" He was standing beside the throne now. "He just wouldn't see reason! His pride was more important to him than his life."

"…You WANTED this to happen."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" Viren cried, now sitting in the throne. "How DARE you- this is a lot harder than I thought, maybe I should get a pillow or something-"

"His death creates a job opening for you," Amaya went on.

"Hey, I'm as broken-hearted as you are!" Viren sobbed, his eyes streaming.

"Then find his kids!"

"Alright, fine!" Viren threw aside the onions he'd been chopping and wiped his eyes. "We'll slap some pictures on milk cartons and put up some fliers, are you happy now?! This is a time of crisis. An empty throne is a beacon of weakness, an invitation to destroy us! We must defend Katolis and all of the Human Kingdoms against what's coming. I can help us, from here!" He gestured to the throne beneath him, but Amaya shook her head. Viren's eyes narrowed. "You think I WANT to be King? I could not be MORE selfless in my motivation! I am a servant of Katolis. A SERVANT-"

The large double doors cracked open and a man popped his head in, a length of measuring tape in hand.

"Sir, we're here for the new crown fitting-"

"Now is NOT the time!"

"Those are mighty fine clothes for a servant," General Amaya snapped as the doors slammed shut. Like, literally, she snapped her fingers sassily. "Traitor Fashion Line, summer edition?"

"Yeah, you wish you could pull this off," Viren snarked.

"And strangle you with it," Amaya clapped back. Both figuratively and literally. "Apparently, the only thing you're serving is shade."

"Yes, would you like a second helping?"

"No thanks, I'm full."

"You're full of something all right." Viren stood up from the throne with a sniff of disdain. "Alright, then, you take it! I will support you as Queen Regent. I'll gather the High Council and will send word to the other crowns immediately-"

"The throne stays empty until we find the boys."

"FINE!" Viren exploded, crossing his arms in a huff. "…Can't I just keep it warm for them-"

"NO!"

-On the River-

Meanwhile, our heroes were traveling down the river in their boat, Callum at the oars. Rayla leaned over the boat's side, struggling not to puke. Bait sat in the back, dangling his short tail in the water. Ezran caught sight of him and snatched him up with an outraged gasp.

"Hey! You know you're not supposed to do that! No playing in the water! You are in time-out, Mister!"

"Bait loves the water, but he really shouldn't," Callum explained as Rayla frowned in confusion. "Glow Toads are apparently delicious."

"I can confirm, I've licked him," Ezran added.

"Yeah, see what I- wait WHAT."

"That's disgusting," Rayla groaned. "If you're trying to help me with my seasickness you're really not. You're making it worse."

"Anyway," Callum went on, "deep-sea fisherman use them as bait to catch huge fish…thus, the name."

"…That's a pretty fucked up joke actually."

"Yeah, he needs counseling," Ezran commented. "It gives him PTSD."

"So that's why we have to be careful with him around the water," Callum finished.

"Okay, you guys are making him really self-conscious, can you stop talking about him like he isn't here?"

"Sorry, Ez."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

-Meanwhile-

General Amaya and Gren rode out on horses, traveling some distance from the castle to the base of a waterfall where there was a small lake with a raised platform. They stopped and dismounted, Amaya looking sadly up at a stone figure of a kind-looking woman riding a horse. She approached the statue and knelt at the base, lighting a candle in remembrance. Slowly, she began to sign, and went on in silence for several long minutes before finally finishing.

"…That…was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard," Gren whispered in a choked voice. "I truly pity anyone who couldn't understand the meaning of what you just said."

They looked up at the sound of a horse approaching and saw Lord Viren riding down to join them.

"May I light a candle?" he asked politely once he'd reached them. "I brought a scented one. It's called 'It's My Fault You're Dead but I'm Like Super Sorry About it and Now I'm Trying to Kill Your Kids and Steal the Throne After Getting the King Killed'."

"…That seems…oddly specific-"

"It was a special order."

-Aaaand Back to the Boat!-

"You doing all right?" Callum asked, peering down at Rayla in concern. She was sprawled out on the bottom of the boat, groaning weakly. "You're…looking a little sick there."

"No, I'm fine, I'm just...in love with the boat," Rayla answered.

"Aww. Where did you two meet? Tinder?" Ezran paused. "…Get it? Because it's a boat? And boats are made of wood? And wood to burn is TINDER-"

"Ezran. Seriously." Callum sighed and adjusted his grip on the oars. "Okay, how about this? I'm going to ask you five questions. It'll help distract you and take your mind off of things!"

"Ugh, FINE." She struggled to sit up. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."

"Question number one: What's the grossest thing you've ever eaten? One time I had this nasty seafood dish that looked like-"

"I was wrong, it can hurt. Stop talking."

"Peas," Ezran said with conviction. "Definitely peas."

"Okay, sorry. Wrong question." Callum winced. "Let's try again. What's Xadia like? Is it all magical stuff…everywhere?"

"Is it like Disneyland?" Ezran asked excitedly.

"Yes, it's exactly like Disneyland." Rayla stared at the boys, deadpan. "With rides and food stalls and Mickey Mouse and lines and lines of people fucking everywhere, waiting for hours."

"Really?!"

"No of course not really." She rolled her eyes. "Next question."

"It must be so weird that everywhere you look there's something magical," Callum went on before Rayla cut him off.

"It's not weird! In Xadia, magic is pretty much in everything. Kind of like saying everywhere you look, there's nature. It's just part of the spirit of things, you know?"

There was a short pause.

"...Ssssso it's like Hogwarts-"

"Are you guys even listening to me?!"

"Wait, does that make us Muggles?" Ezran asked.

"No!" Rayla snapped. "Fifty points from Hufflepuff!"

"See? It's working!" Callum grinned in triumph. "Isn't your general annoyance overriding your seasickness?"

"…Huh. I guess it is." Rayla sat up straighter. "Next question."

"Alright, here's a tough one. If a carriage leaves the castle at 4 o'clock going 35 miles per hour and a Dragon leaves the Breach at 5 o'clock flying 60 miler per hour, when will they meet-"

"Ezran! I'm asking the questions!"

"Aww, come on! I need to know the answer for my homework!" Ezran held up his math book.

"What are your parents like?" Callum asked. Rayla's face immediately hardened and she looked away, upset.

"Dead," she answered shortly.

"Oh, sorry." Callum winced. "Um…well...good to know we have something in common!"

"Wait what?" said Ezran.

"HOMEWORK!" Callum shrieked at him, and Ezran turned back to his book.

"You can add talking to girls to the list of stuff you suck at," Rayla added.

"Oh, believe me, it's already there."

"Shut up, Ez!" Callum grumbled to himself, then sat up to look further down the river. "…So. One more question." Rayla grunted. "How mad would you be if I told you that we're about to hit some rapids?"

"…You'd better be speaking hypothetically," Rayla whispered, her voice dangerously soft. She turned and looked, eyes widening at the sight of jagged rocks and frothy water. "Okay, well, I am hypothetically about to kick your ass. And by hypothetically, I mean literally."

"What's the big deal?" Ezran asked. "I've made bigger splashes in the bathtub."

"Pull the boat over right now!" Rayla huddled down in the boat. "I'm scared, okay? I admit it! I hate the water, I'm afraid of it and it makes me sick! Just let me OFF!"

"Wow, Rayla," Callum said quietly. "That takes guts to admit. I respect you for that." He paused. "Which is why we're going down these rapids so you can face your fears."

"YOU MOTHER-"

The boat hit the rapids, rocking back and forth violently. A wave of water came over the side and splashed them, the boys shrieking in delight and laughing while Rayla shrieked her head off.

"AAAAAAA- how are you two laughing- AAAAAA!"

"Put your arms up, Rayla! Pretend it's Splash Mountain!"

"Will you shut up about Disney?!"

-Back at the Statue-

"Your sister made him better," Viren was saying to Amaya as they stood in front of the statue. "He told me he was never as strong or brave as Queen Sarai believed him to be…but he tried every day to live up to her expectations."

"Also because she'd go on sex strikes if he didn't," Amaya signed.

"You really don't have to tell me all the details-"

"She was compassionate and patient," she went on. "She was the only person who could beat me in an arm wrestling match…and don't EVER try to steal the last jelly tart!"

"Please don't remind me," Viren said with a pained smile. "I'm still incontinent when I laugh too hard." They looked at each other and shared a laugh like old friends. "Ahahaha- oh no." His face quickly sobered, and he looked at Amaya with a serious expression. "General Amaya. I'm sorry for what happened in the throne room. You helped me see the truth. I was blinded by my abiding love of our kingdom and humanity itself-"

"Here you go," Amaya suddenly signed, holding out a shovel. Viren blinked in confusion.

"…What's that for?"

"To shovel all of that bullshit coming out of your mouth." He chuckled nervously.

"Anyway. The Princes come first. Finding them is absolutely the first priority of the kingdom of Katolis!"

"I'm glad you're seeing it my way," Amaya signed, nodding with approval.

"…And killing them is the second."

"I'm sorry what?"

"Kissing. Kissing them is second. Because, you know, we're so happy that we found them alive."

"I will be departing at sundown with a rescue party," Amaya signed.

"Very well." Viren nodded. "Then I will begin preparing the mass funerals."

"Wait WHAT-"

"Oh, you know." Viren stared at her, his face the picture of innocence. "The funerals for all the poor, defenseless people who are going to be mercilessly slaughtered when our enemies charge through the Breach due to your not being there." He paused, then held up a funeral catalogue. "I'm thinking walnut coffins with metal trim, how about you?"

"…Are you trying to guilt trip me?"

"Of course not! You and your men go off on your little trip to find the Princes and I'll be here, burying a shit-ton of bodies. You can send flowers or something, it's fine. Maybe a letter or two to their grief-stricken families- oh no, wait. They'll be dead too. Nevermind. You know, we might run out of room to bury everybody—how do you feel about pyres? I bet some of the massacred families wouldn't mind getting burned up in a huge bonfire. At least they'd be together! But don't you worry about that. Here, I even made some snacks for you guys to take along! Have fun now." He patted her shoulder and handed Gren some Tupperware.

"…Okay, FINE. I'll return to the Breach and leave it to you." Amaya's eyes narrowed. "But not because of what you said. Because I don't want to miss pizza night."

"Yes, yes, perfectly understandable!" Viren smiled at her. "Why, I'll even put my own kids in charge of the rescue!"

"I don't think so. I'm putting Gren in charge."

"Very well then." Viren nodded again. "I am certain that whoever this person is, they will be perfectly suitable for-"

"I'm Commander Gren!" Gren said, standing tall and beaming with pride. "Oh no, wait, that means I'm gonna miss pizza night-"

"Ugh, the redhead? Are you kidding me?"

"You didn't even know my name?"

"You're like a four why would I even care-"

-Aaaand Back to the Kids Again-

The boat tumbled down one last waterfall, drifting out onto a wide, still lake surrounded by woods.

"There!" Callum said triumphantly. "You faced your fear! Don't you feel better about water now, Rayla?"

Rayla leaned over the edge of the boat and puked noisily.

"You're welcome."

Rayla seized Callum by his scarf and shoved him face-first into the water, holding him there.

"Quit playing around, you two!" Ezran cried. "I can't find Bait!"

Rayla quickly stopped trying to drown Callum and they all searched the boat for the missing toad. Ezran gasped as he caught sight of his beloved pet splashing around in the water behind them.

"There you are! Get back here right now, young man! March! I mean...froggy paddle!" Bait paddled to the boat and Ezran snatched him up out of the water and gave him a tight hug. "You are in big trouble! Don't you ever worry me like that again! You know you're not supposed to be in the water! You are SO grounded!" He paused again. "…Get it? Because he was in the water and he wasn't supposed to and now we're going to stand on the ground?"

"What a disaster," Rayla groaned.

"Yeah, I know!" Callum joined in. "My pants are all wet and chafing. I sure hope they don't shrink, and my underwear-"

"You want to stop right there."

Everyone stopped as they noticed the puzzle cube glowing under the seat.

"Okay, who left that on? You know you're supposed to turn it off so we can save the battery!" Callum picked up the cube and peered at it curiously. "Huh. The Ocean rune is glowing. That's weird. I've never seen it do that before." He paused, thinking. "Maybe we're near some magical ocean source, like a mermaid, or a friendly talking dolphin-"

An enormous monster-catfish with wings and whiskers suddenly burst out of the lake behind them, flying through the air and hitting with water with a deafening crash.

"…Or that."

"Shut up and start rowing!" Rayla shouted at him.

The huge fish bitch-slapped their boat with its tail, and everyone went flying. Rayla tumbled all the way to the shore, while the boys fell in the water and started splashing around desperately. Rayla sat up, gasping when she saw she was back on land.

"Thank you!" she called to the fish.

"It's going to EAT me!" Callum screamed.

"…Thank you!"

"That's not fucking funny! Help us!"

"It was a little funny!" Rayla suddenly noticed Bait struggling in the water, the fish closing in on its tasty prize. "Hey! You guys need to help the toad!" Callum and Ezran couldn't hear her, as they were too busy splashing each other to pay attention.

"Quit it!"

"You did that on purpose!"

"I did not- OW! You got me in the eye! Now you're really going to get it!"

"UGGGGHHH," Rayla groaned in resignation. "I have to do everything myself around here!" She turned and gave the ground a mournful look. "Goodbye, my sweet! I'll be back, I swear! And I will stand on you. I will stand on you SO hard." She leapt up and ran out on a tree branch, jumping from the very end into the water. "Cannon ball!"

She collided with the fish just as it surfaced to gobble Bait up, smashing it back down into the water.

"Hey, where's Rayla?" Ezran asked, looking around.

"I don't know," Callum answered, "but I DO know where your weak spot is!" He dunked Ezran under the water. The wave from Rayla's cannonball pushed them all the way to shore, where they sat up to see her clinging to the fish as it surfaced, thrashing violently.

"There she is!" Ezran said, pointing excitedly. "On the back of the huge killer fish-thing just moments from death!" He paused. "That sounds really bad when I say it aloud."

"I have an idea!" Callum cried. He threw his pack down and pulled out…

A fishing rod.

He cast the line out, where it landed in the water a few feet in front of him with a soft plunk!

"And now…we wait."

"…You know you could just use the Primal Stone, right?" Ezran asked after a moment.

"What? Oh. Right. I knew that." He threw the fishing rod aside and pulled out the orb. "Rayla! Jump!"

"What?!" Rayla stared back at him incredulously. "You don't know how to- oh my god you're just going to gently toss it at him aren't you-"

"Hell no! I'm going to whip this bitch at him!" Callum pulled his arm back, ready to throw. "Jump, now!"

Closing her eyes, Rayla leapt into the air, Bait safe in her arms, as Callum threw the orb at the giant fish. It connected and electrocuted the creature, sending it crashing back into the water, charred and smoking.

Ezran cheered.

Hundreds of dead fish began floating to the top of the lake, twitching.

Ezran started crying.

"Oh my God stop look how much food we have now!" Callum said impatiently. Ezran started cheering again.

Rayla, meanwhile, had staggered back to shore, dropping Bait in the dirt and scowling at Callum in disbelief.

"Thanks, but…how are you going to get that orb back? It must be at the bottom of the lake by now-"

The Primal Stone washed up at their feet, glinting in the sun.

"…I don't even want to know," she said quietly, then collapsed onto the ground. "Now close your eyes so I can make love to the ground."

-Back at the Castle-

Evening was approaching, the sky darkening to twilight. General Amaya stood next to her horse, ready to depart, her men gathered around her.

"I have sent word to Corvus that the King has passed," she signed, Gren translating. "Viren doesn't know about him. DON'T trust him. At any given chance, he WILL jump on that throne and stab you in the back."

"Oh, I don't know, I don't think he's that bad," Gren said, then stopped and looked over his shoulder. A knife jutted from his back. "…When did that get there-"

Amaya signed to him and pulled him into a hug.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you- oh you're just pulling out the knife for me, never mind. Thanks, though, it was really starting to hurt." Gren smiled as she stepped away and swung up onto her horse. Viren approached, Soren in tow.

"I expect to be notified when the Princes are safely found," Amaya signed. Viren bowed his head.

"Of course. I will send word to the Breach immediately." Amaya nodded in satisfaction and rode off with her small troop.

"Bye, mom!" Gren called, waving.

"Hey, man! Great to meet you!" Soren said, clapping Gren on the back, who yelped in pain. "We're gonna be best friends, I can't wait to get to know you-" General Amaya disappeared from sight. "Okay, loser. You and your dumb freckles are off the team. Ya been benched, bitch."

"What?!"

"You're fired," Viren explained. "I'm giving my son the job."

"But that's nepotism-"

"I am a master of Hide and Seek," Soren said smugly. "Here are my credentials." He held up a sheet full of stickers.

"But…General Amaya was very specific that I would be the one in charge!" Gren argued. "I had a whole speech and everything planned! I even had a little game for the men to play to get to know each other-"

"Soren," Viren cut in, "set up a meeting for Commander Gren and I to discuss his concerns. Somewhere…quiet, and isolated. Say…around 9 o'clock?"

"Might I suggest the dungeons?" Gren said helpfully. "I'm sure we'll have all the privacy that we need there."

"What a wonderful suggestion! See you then." Viren turned and walked away.

"I'd better dress warm, those dungeons do tend to be drafty," Gren said to himself. "And maybe I should shower and eat something first, who knows how long I'll be down there for, haha!"

-Back at the Lake-

Standing on the lake's shore, Callum, Rayla, and Ezran were doing their best to dry off from their dip.

"You saved Bait from getting eaten!" Ezran cried, hugging Rayla. "Thank you so much! Here, I will allow you the honor of licking him-"

"That…really not necessary-"

"I insist!"

"That was really brave of you," Callum said, smiling at her warmly.

"No it wasn't!" she scoffed, pushing Bait away from her face. "I nearly pissed myself."

"That's why it was so heroic!" Callum went on. "You were scared, but you did it anyway. And even if you peed your pants I'm sure it got washed away when you jumped into the lake-"

"Why didn't you just tell us you were afraid?" Ezran asked curiously. "It's okay to be scared of things." Rayla went quiet, walking closer to the lake and staring down at her reflection.

"Moonshadow Elves aren't supposed to show fear," she said in a soft voice.

"Oh, come on! That ridiculous." Callum shook his head. "Look, I'm scared of talking to girls. And being around girls. And just girls in general. How about you, Ez?"

"The ever-looming presence of impending death."

"See? It's fine- wait, WHAT."

"My parents aren't really dead, but they're dead to me!" Rayla burst out. "They're cowards! They were part of an elite team, the Dragon Guard, chosen to defend the egg of the Dragon Brat! Storm Dragons only lay an egg once every thousand years, so that egg is so incredibly rare and precious-"

She glanced up to see Ezran wrapping a towel around the top of the egg like a turban.

"When the Humans killed the Dragon King, the Dragon Guard, including my parents, lost the game. They ran away! I'm so ashamed." She broke down and Callum placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Rayla…" he said gravely. "…Are you sure they didn't just pop out for a bathroom break?"

"Yes I'm fucking sure!" Rayla cut him off. "That's why I have to make things right! I have to return the egg and fix this mess!"

"Um, yeah, I don't know if just doing that will fix your broken-ass feelings about your parents, maybe you should get therapy or something too-"

"Do you want a hug or not?"

"Alright, bury your feelings! We're in this together!" The group shared a warm hug, then looked up to see their boat floating away down a side stream.

"Oh noooo!" Rayla cried unconvincingly. "Our boat is floating away! Whatever shall we do?"

The boat suddenly stopped, spun around in the water, and drifted back, coming to rest on the shore nearby.

"OKAY SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SAW THAT-"

"It's okay, we don't have to take the boat," Callum said.

"I AM SETTING THAT SHIT ON FIRE-"

"You guys can't break up!" Ezran wailed. "I was rooting for you two! I ship them!" He paused. "Get it? Because it's a boat-"

"EZRAN. YOU NEED TO STOP."

"Hey, what's with your bracelet?" Callum asked, pointing at the white string around Rayla's wrist. "Is it symbolic or something?"

"Oh, it uh, helps with my circulation," Rayla said as she lit a match.

"Cool, maybe I should get one, my wrist has been bugging me lately."

-Down in the Dungeon-

Deep in the castle basement, flickering candles dimly lit the interior as Lord Viren walked down the steps into the dungeon and came to a halt.

"Sorry I'm five minutes late," he said, "I had to make sure my ass was perfect before I left. What can I help you with?"

"So," Gren said casually, chained to the wall, "I have some complaints."

"I see." Viren nodded with understanding. "Let's hear them."

"Well, first of all…" Gren cleared this throat. "You took me off the mission and that kind of hurt my feelings. Secondly, these accommodations are ghastly, and thirdly…" He paused for a long moment. "I am beginning to feel as though I may have been tricked." A far-off scream echoed through the darkness. "In summary, I WILL be asking to see your manager."

"Hey, Dad?" Claudia poked her head around the corner. "About our other prisoner- er, I mean, special guest…" Viren turned and followed her to a secluded jail cell. Runaan, Rayla's Elf superior/team captain, was shirtless and also chained to the wall, but, like, in a much hotter way. "He still refuses to eat."

"I told you I'm vegan!" Runaan snarled, glaring up at them.

"My God, I'm so sorry," Viren said. "Claudia, make this man a kale salad."

"I know a spell to turn someone into a pickle. Would that work?"

"Claudia, I wasn't fucking serious. Let the bastard starve." They turned and walked away, the door slamming closed behind them.

"This is the worst service I've ever gotten," Runaan muttered to himself.

"Ugh, I know, right?" Gren called from outside. "Two stars, at best. And I will NOT be leaving a tip!"

-Episode 5 End-