Two weeks to go; the realization was both a relief and a heartbreak. Two more weeks before Ben had to say goodbye to all of this, this time for good. Two more weeks of friendship, movie nights and days spent at the garage before he had to get back to his life. Two more weeks of this pleasant life; but also only two weeks before he and Rey could finally be face to face.

Only two weeks left, and he hadn't bought his plane tickets yet- which Rose made a point to remind him any time she got a chance. They'd all agreed that having Ben join Rey in America was the easiest option: Poe would easily let her take some days off since she hadn't in two years- something Ben had scolded her about- and Ben didn't have any roommates back in Brooklyn, which solved the six-foot-tall-stranger problem they would've had with the other scenario.

"I will," he promised as she reminded him once more as his coffee barely finished brewing.

"You said that already."

"I know but-"

"Ben."

The scolding tone of her voice pushed him to finally turn and face her. She was still in her purple robes, a messy bun dangling on top of her head every time she shook it disapprovingly. The sight shouldn't have been frightening, but Ben had learned to dread Rose's anger: if there was someone to fear in this house, it certainly was her. Still, he couldn't help smiling as she smacked his arm with the back of her hand. This was just another one of the multiple habits they'd developed in the past weeks and that made all of it feel more and more like home. But the more he felt at home, the more his heart ached at the perspective of how close the end of it all was. Because as much as he tried not to notice it, Ben could feel how alive the last weeks had made him feel.

Rey's life had everything his lacked: the friends he'd never bothered to make, the calmness he craved and a sense of belonging. With every grease stain on his hands, memories of afternoons spent with his father made their way back to his mind. They didn't hurt as much as they used to; what did hurt, though, was the countdown hanging above his head every day when he woke up, and the guilt that usually came with it. This was Rey's life- a life she missed and deserved more than he did. And somehow, his selfishness had cost her one more month stuck in his life.

She hadn't said it, of course- Rey was way too kind for that- but he could feel the loneliness in her words every night as they wished each other good night. She hadn't been complaining as much as usual either, which had first given him the illusory hope that she'd found positive things about her days; but he could feel her closing herself a little more every day, avoiding his questions and turning his attention elsewhere.

Truth be told, her methods were efficient: in just fourteen days, he'd become comfortable enough to guide her through their 'discovery sessions' as she called it, which occurred a little more than necessary for just discovery purposes. If there ever were moments that made him wish they'd switched back already, it was these. They'd talked about seeing each other again, mostly after; and every time, his mind wandered to the endless possibilities this could go. How easy it would be to make her chest heave, how comfortable he would be. Showers suddenly weren't as uncomfortable as they used to be, but nothing compared to the sound of their mingled breathings coupled with whispered directions as they-

"Ben?"

"Yeah, I'll do it." A wince crossed his face at the painful return to reality. "I'll do it tonight."

"Good. Speaking of- you'll have the apartment to yourself. We're going out."

"We?"

Something twinkled in Rose's eyes, immediately followed by a barely repressed grin. She wrapped a second hand around her boiling cup of tea and took a long sip, her eyes avoiding his as she spoke again. "Finn. Poe. We're… still figuring things out."

Code for an imminent threesome. Rey's words echoed in his mind, clear and intimidating. If the blush creeping on Rose's cheeks was any indication, this was going exactly the way he thought it was.

"Figuring things out," Ben repeated pensively. "Sounds promising."

Her cheeks only reddened, causing him to break into a little smile which she returned with a shake of her head. "I swear, sometimes you sound just like her."

Her bun dangled a little more, threatening to come undone as she took another sip of her tea. A long sip, Ben noticed- her eyes remained fixed on him the entire time, suspicious and amused. Had she… noticed anything? Heard anything? The thought sent a wave of embarrassment coloring his face. There had been this one moment the other day, in the shower, where Rey's name had crossed his lips, but he was positive he hadn't said it that loud. Rose's smile only widened at his silence, increasing the blush he could feel burning his face.

"Anyway," she murmured into her cup, "we might come back late, so..."

"I'll book the flight," Ben finished, maybe a little too hastily. "That's what I'll do."

The smile on Rose's lips disappeared for a moment and she gave him a firm nod. "Sure. You do you."

She left before he could add anything, leaving him with even more questions and a cold cup of coffee in his hands.

Poe was surprisingly more cautious than Rose, his eternal smile and absent singing betraying him more than his words. 'Just a dinner,' he'd told Ben; 'maybe a movie, later.' His good mood carried through the day, going as far as driving Ben home and picking Finn and Rose an hour earlier than planned. None of them seemed to mind, though, and Ben couldn't help the nervous giggle that left him as he watched them all disappear inside the car with eager smiles on their faces. As soon as the car disappeared from his sight, Ben grabbed his phone and texted Rey.

Ben | Imminent threesome is happening.

The text joined the one from the very morning, and the one from last night, all left unanswered. Trying not to think too much about it, he tucked the phone back into his pocket and walked around the empty apartment. This felt familiar, but not comfortable: too much space, not enough noise… many possibilities, and yet not a single option. When the silence became too much to handle, Ben grabbed the remote and flopped down on the couch, trying to focus on the cooking show that appeared on the screen.

Ben | How's your day going?

Ben | I'm home.Call me?

A loud groan left Ben as he checked the conversation for the third time tonight –make it four- only to see the same texts, still unanswered. The cooking show had long ended, and so had the second one. Dinner had been made, eaten, and still, the boredom was still there, leaving him wondering how in hell he'd managed to survive so long by himself. Watching TV wasn't as fun without Finn and Rose, and as much as he'd tried to explore this new body by himself, doing it without Rey's voice on the other side wasn't as effective.

The night had already fallen, enveloping the street in its cold darkness. Rose and Finn had left hours ago, which probably meant they wouldn't come back anytime soon. With another sigh, Ben grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, plunging the whole apartment and himself in the same darkness peeking through the windows. A silly urge to switch on the lights immediately seized him: a dark apartment felt way too empty, way too lonely. Light didn't help, though; the room still felt way too large for him alone, filling him with unpleasant thoughts. Loneliness would soon have to become a habit again, and so would Rey's absence.

Everything became a blur; and before he knew it, Ben was sitting in the middle of Rey's room, cross-legged.

Museums. Architecture. Snow. Listing the things he liked about Brooklyn had somehow become harder than before, but he kept trying. Coffee shops. His fist clenched around the hem of the sweater he'd thrown on. He knew he'd liked it, once; he wouldn't have moved there, otherwise. He'd liked it enough to leave everything behind and start new, and yet nothing about it felt alluring anymore. He didn't miss the sound of traffic in the morning, didn't miss his neighborhood or his apartment. What he did miss, though, was the comfort of it. Nothing felt familiar anymore, except Rey.

A lump formed in his throat at the thought. Rey, who he hadn't even met. Rey, who hadn't bothered answering him all day. Rey, who would soon forget about him. Who maybe already had. Trembling, Ben checked their conversation again, then dropped the phone back on the floor. Lucky as he was, the device rolled a few more inches and disappeared under the bed with a loud thud.

"Shit-"

Old habits died hard, and it took Ben a few seconds to remember that slipping an arm under a bed now was an option that didn't involve getting ridiculously stuck. Thankful for that, he rolled on his side and extended his arm under, blindly navigating through what seemed to be a quite loaded hiding place. His hand closed around the phone seconds later, but he didn't retreat back. He turned the flash on instead and took a glimpse at the many boxes stored under there.

The first thing that caught his attention was a pink one, with a rather explicit picture of a sex toy on its side. For the second time that day, he felt his cheeks turn a deep shade of red. This was definitely to ask Rey about next time they talked. Various other boxes surrounded it, most of them containing what looked like broken devices and books. They all looked pretty damaged, except one made of wood and visibly cleaner than the others.

Don't go through the box under my bed, Rey's voice echoed in the back of his mind as he dragged the box to him. She'd been very clear on that rule, but less clear about which box. She could've meant the sex toy one, or any other one for all he knew. And it wasn't like she was answering any of his texts- getting a detailed answer from her wasn't exactly possible right now. There was always the option of waiting, but something in him kept shutting the logical side of his brain. This had been a long, solitary evening, and a distraction was more than welcome. He wasn't really transgressing any of the rules- at least that's what he told himself as his fingers fidgeted with the handle and opened the box.

A sweet scent immediately grazed him, something like dust and amber with a hint of vanilla. Warm, familiar and welcoming enough for him to squint down at the contents of the box with increased curiosity.

The first thing he noticed was a stuffed animal, barely damaged despite its obvious old age. It looked somewhere between a bear and a rabbit, long ears and an embroidered crooked smile that looked inexplicably more worn away than the rest of it. Carefully, Ben brushed its fur with the back of his fingers, reveling in its softness. His knuckles kept grazing it absently as his eyes swept over the other items scattered over. Papers, mostly, along with some postcards and a notebook. A few pictures fell from its cover when he grabbed it, drawing his attention. None of them displayed smiles or faces: only rooms and houses, all different from each other. The stuffed bear-rabbit sometimes appeared, usually sitting on the steps leading to the house when there were any, its eternal smile bringing a sense of warmth to the lifeless pictures.

With a growing lump in his throat, Ben set them aside and opened the notebook to the first page, where the name 'Rey Johnson' had been written in hesitant cursive script. The lumpy R should've made him cringe, but he surprised himself with an amused smile as he turned the page, his heart beating a tad faster at the scribblings he saw next.

birthday: May 4th

house: foster care house of Jakku for children

best friend: Beebee

A drawing of the stuffed animal currently staring at him accompanied the information, his long ears colored in blue, but Ben barely lingered on it; with a knot forming itself around his stomach, he turned the page and kept reading.

I like miss Stacy because she braids my hair and she likes beebee. She always buys me ice cream when we take the car and she always comes back. My new family is nice but I miss my friends and the park.

A few other drawings followed, sometimes accompanied by a line or two about 'new families' and new ice cream flavors. The writing became more meticulous as he continued, and the drawings slowly disappeared in favor of various scribblings. She'd apparently searched the origins of her name, gathered some information about its Scottish roots and frequency only to cross it off several times. For the first time in his life, Ben's calligraphy classes proved to be useful; carefully, he traced the lines with the tip of his index, evaluating their depth. She must've done it out of anger, or frustration- it was a miracle the paper hadn't surrendered under the nib.

The next pages were just a gathering of words that didn't necessarily make sense –cities, dates, names- sometimes couples with a paragraph or two describing a place or a scene. These could've been memories, dreams, or maybe both. Either way, this felt like one step too far: seized by a mix of guilt and sadness for this younger version of Rey, Ben closed the notebook and placed it back in the box, among the papers he'd ignored earlier. At second glance, they seemed to be cuts of newspaper, with nothing in common until he looked closer and noticed the similarities: the same name, her name, circled and highlighted. Births, deaths, weddings, she'd kept an insane amount of these, until she hadn't anymore. According to the dates scribbled on the thin paper, she'd stopped around five years ago.

All feelings of loneliness and boredom gradually left Ben as he sat on the floor, staring at the contents of the box. With each passing second, the guilt increased, coupled with a shame he couldn't quite explain. Suddenly, everything made sense, from her fears that her friends would leave to her motivations behind the wish she'd kept a secret.

For the first time since he'd woken up in this room, Ben felt like he truly, deeply understood Rey; and even though she'd never come across as someone in need of help or protection, the urge to hug her was stronger than ever. He remained like this for a few more seconds, maybe minutes, his hands absently holding each other before a loud vibration against his thigh dragged him back to reality with a start. The phone- he'd forgotten the phone. With his heart beating fast, Ben risked a glance at the screen and felt his chest tighten as Rey's name appeared. The lump in his throat was still very much present when he picked up and threw the device against his ear.

"Hey, sorry, I was on the phone with- everything ok? I just saw your texts."

His heartbeats doubled in speed at her words. She sounded genuinely sorry, and so sincerely worried, it took him every last bit of strength not to cringe as he spoke again. "Yeah, I'm ok. Sorry."

"Texts," she repeated with a suspicious tone. "Plural."

A silent prayer left him as he threw the notebook back in the box. The guilt was only growing, pushing him to kick the box under the bed where neither of them could see it.

"I'm ok," he repeated, "just got bored." Then, realizing how out of breath he was: "You didn't reply all day. Work issues?"

"Ah… not really. Your mother called."

Something washed over him. Something brief, cold and unexpected. "My mother?"

"Yes. Sorry, I know you said not to pick up, but she's been calling for days. I was afraid something had happened and…"

The rest of her words became a blur- something about lunch, someone missing him and an incoherent series of details that got lost in the back of his frozen brain. "Rey…"

"She sounds very nice."

A scoff left him before he could stop it. Of course his mother was nice; she couldn't allow herself not to be. "Yes, she is. She's really nice."

The words left a bitter taste on his tongue; something he immediately regretted as Rey spoke again, obvious unease in her tone. "Why is that such a big problem?"

Something chattered outside- a trashcan knocked over by the wind, again. Ben jumped at the sound of it, biting his lips with surprise. The iron taste of blood grazed his tongue and a sharp pain seized him, only adding to his growing frustration.

"Rey, it's not you she wants to talk to. She wants to talk to me, to her son, and you don't want to hear what she'll have to say."

A brief silence followed his word before she replied, this time more firmly. "Maybe I do."

"Rey-" The pain grew stronger with each movement of his lips, drawing a strangled groan out of him. "She can't give you what you want."

"Oh, and how exactly do you know what I want?"

There it was again: the sharp, biting accent that resurfaced whenever something annoyed her. It should've been enough to stop him, warn him, but the words crossed his lips anyway, fast and heavy.

"You-" a frustrated sigh left him. "She's not your mother. This is my life, you can't just- just- just fuck everything up for me to come back to a mess-"

"A mess?" Her voice –his voice- broke a little. "You think your life is so good? You think I like going to your shitty office every day and being nice to these assholes you work with? I don't enjoy a single minute of this, and I don't think you do either!"

She was right- God, he hated how right she was. Right enough to keep him silent as she continued, her tone going a little higher with each word.

"I did this for you, I'm fixing your fucked up life, Ben I-don't-need-anyone Solo. Because guess what, you have it all. You have it all and you're ruining everything because you're an entitled spoiled idiot who can't even face the mess he was living in the first place."

"My life isn't-"

"You made a fucking wish, Ben!"

"A wish you made, too!"

The wound her words had made barely had time to heal as her accusations echoed in his mind, again and again. She was right, he knew she was right, but the reasonable voice in him was getting shut down by irrational thoughts spiraling at an insane speed. The rules, her anger, this whole situation- nothing was making sense anymore, and so Ben did what he knew best: push her away before she could him.

"Just because your parents left doesn't mean you can use mine as substitutes!"

All remaining anger left him in the blink of an eye. Guilt rushed back within seconds, seizing him with strength like none before as he slowly realized what he'd just said. His eyes widened, the weight of his words sinking in slowly, then all at once. What had appeared like a clever idea now seemed incredibly stupid, because of course he didn't want to hurt her, let alone in hope of pushing her away. But the words had already crossed his lips, leaving him breathless and terrified of their consequences.

"Did you… did you look inside my box?"

Her voice was back to a murmur, but it lacked its usual softness. Something about it felt threatening, and yet distractingly familiar. It took Ben a good minute to realize why: she wasn't sounding like herself- she sounded like him.

"I'm sorry," he murmured hastily. "Rey I'm sor-"

She hung up abruptly, leaving the word to die on his lips.

Ben | I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, and I have no excuse besides bad ones.

Ben | Rey?

Ben | I know you're mad but please just tell me you're ok.

Ben | Or tell me to go to hell.

Ben | Just say something. Anything. Please.

Ben | Hope you had a nice day. I'm sorry. Goodnight.

"What the hell, Ben?"

A small hand smacked him in the back, achieving to wake him up for good. "Good morning," he replied, his groan barely menacing in Rey's voice.

Another smack followed, then Rose pulled the chair facing his and sat down, her palms firmly planted on the table. She looked furious. She sounded furious. "When were you going to tell me?"

A brief shrug shook his shoulders. He hadn't really thought about it. Hadn't really thought about anything, really; the last days had been a succession of actions he'd only been a witness of, going on auto-pilot for most parts of his days. His ruminations were like a bloat on the landscape of Rose, Finn and Poe's shared frivolity, earning him a few playful remarks here and then. Of course, Rose had been the most concerned of them all; but if the frown creasing her brow was any indication, she'd just had the answer to all her questions.

"Ben, I'm serious."

"I know."

"You should apologize and talk to her."

His eyes left the cup of coffee framed by his hands to land on Rose's. "What do you think I've tried to do all week?"

A silence fell between them when Finn walked into the room, looking for his phone. Rose's smile left her lips as soon as they heard the bathroom lock click behind him, followed by his usual playlist blasting through the corridor.

"Well, do it again," she said, her voice a little softer. "She misses you."

"She doesn't."

"Yes she does, dummy! God, you two are so frustrating."

The word was accurate: frustrating. Being so close to Rey's life and yet so far from her had been one of the most frustrating experiences in Ben's life, along with the little symbol letting him know she'd read his messages. Every new notification was a cruel tease reminding him of their last conversation, pushing him a little further down the hole of shame he'd buried himself in.

"I really fucked up, huh?"

A knowing humming left Rose's throat, coupled with a nod. "You're lucky she's forgiving."

"Not that much."

His scoff thankfully got muffled by his cup as he took a long sip of his still burning coffee. As helpful as she'd been so far, Rose's optimism wasn't exactly what he needed right now, let alone her scolding. He'd had all week to blame himself, and just as much time to start adjusting to the idea of a life without Rey. Once again, Rose's hand came to smack him gently, dragging him out of his thoughts.

"Talk to her," she repeated impatiently.

"I just told you I-"

"Will you check your damn phone already?"

Another silent fell, shorter this time as Ben processed her words. The hint of a smirk bloomed on Rose's lips when he almost jumped from his chair to run to Rey's room. Rey's phone was still on the bed, locked and flooded with a good dozen missed calls. His hand closed around the device in a second, his eyes wide as he kept staring at the name written over and over next to the green symbols.

"She-" A nervous smile crossed his mouth, widening as he caught sight of Rose's. "I need to… I should call her back, right?"

"You should," she approved from her seat back in the kitchen. "Make sure you thank me later!"

Another smile crossed Ben's lips as he quickly closed the door behind him then flopped down on the floor, his heart beating faster than it had in days. His fingers were already dancing along the screen, trembling and looking for Rey's contact when her picture appeared on the screen along with her name and the green phone symbol, which he hit without a single moment of hesitation. Still trembling, he threw the device against his ear and let out a heavy sigh as Rey spoke for the first time in days, an obvious nervousness in her words.

"I'm still mad at you."

She remained silent for a few seconds, the sound of her breathing the only indication that she hadn't hung up yet, then- "And I miss you."

Another sigh left Ben, this time of relief. "I miss you too," he replied with disbelief.

His heavy breathing joined hers, finding her rhythm until they both fell into a more steady one. Suddenly, it was like a week's worth of worries was rushing back at him, like he'd finally woken up from a nightmare that'd left him numb. Rey's anger, his mistake, the dread of a return to a life he'd wished so hard to escape- it all imploded in his chest, painting his mind with the truths he'd ignored as a sense of relief washed over him just as strongly.

"You were right," he murmured into the phone. "I'm a mess, my life is a mess and you're the one who had to suffer from it, and I'm so, so sorry-"

"Ben, no."

A new silence fell between them; and though it was a short one, Ben felt his chest tighten. Maybe he'd just made it worse by speaking; maybe he shouldn't speak anymore, actually. This felt like the safest option, and probably the best choice he'd made lately. Still silent, he tightened his grip on the device and waited for her to speak, way too scared to make another wrong move.

"I know this isn't my place to say that, but… yes, your life is a mess." She stopped for a second, took a deep breath and continued. "Not because of you, though- you've been stuck in a bad place, and I… it was just so frustrating. I wanted to help, I just wanted to help you fix what you were too afraid to look at, and I shouldn't have."

Once again, silence fell between them, leaving Ben even more confused. As far as he was concerned, he was the one at fault. "No," he replied with a vain shake of his head. "No, you were right. I should've done it a long time ago."

"Youshould've. Not me."

She had a point, but Ben couldn't let her take full responsibility. "I shouldn't have opened your box, so… I think we're even."

A small huff echoed through the device; one of those that made him wish she would make him smile again once they swapped back. For now, the smile she gave him was on her own lips, where he could feel it. Little by little, all tension left him until she cleared her throat and spoke again.

"Speaking of, I… I quit your job."

For a few seconds, the earth stopped spinning. Time stopped, space froze and only his heart kept going, faster than ever. Reasons told him he should scream, be flooded with anger, but none of this happened. Relief only kept spreading through his chest instead, widening his smile in the most unexpected way. "Oh. Ok."

"Ok? You're not mad at me?"

"No. No, I..." A giggled left him. A strangled, incredulous giggle. "I ordered my ticket. Before we…"

This wasn't exactly what he'd planned to say, but everything was happening so fast, he couldn't trust his mouth or mind anymore. The confusion, the relief, the fear; it'd all mingled in such an overwhelming mess of emotions, he'd blurted out the first positive thing he could think about.

If the scoff echoing on the other side of the line was any indication, Rey seemed to at least find it amusing. "Ticket? Singular?"

"I figured you'd decide when you want to come back." A new idea suddenly materialized in his mind, terrifying. "I mean- if you still think we should meet.

Another scoff. She was amused. "Ben, of course I do."

"Good. Great."

Her chuckle echoed between them, filling the room with joy as Ben filled his lungs with as much air as he could. He'd spent the last six years of his life in a constant state of fear, but this was something else. For the first time in a very long time, what he'd been dreading hadn't been a person, but an idea. The idea of losing Rey, and everything she meant to him, whatever it was. He'd spent a whole week barely eating, dreading the moment she would come back to kick him out for her to… apologize. Forgive. And chuckle.

"Do you want me to pick you up at the airport?"

Her question dragged Ben back to reality and achieved to brand his smile on his lips for life. "I'll find my way."

"Ok. Great."

Another chuckle echoed, this time from him. Rose had been right: Rey definitely was forgiving. The conversation got more natural with each passing second until they finally reached their usual level of comfort. Rey told him about the scene she'd made in front of his entire office, making a point to report Snoke's disbelief when she'd thrown his access badge on the floor and stormed out of the building in what sounded like a dramatic enough behavior to sound like him. She told him about his mother, their timid conversation and how she'd called her the day after, claiming she needed more time and to take things slow; and even though Ben knew a family reunion was now necessary, he found himself grateful for the little time Rey had bought him. Yet, buried under all of this, a spark of hope had awakened, along with the memory of his mother's sweet perfume and how warm her embrace was.

When he told her about her friends' much-anticipated date, though, her reaction was immediate.

"I can't believe I missed that!"

"It's a nightmare," Ben confessed, his eyes shutting instinctively. "They're… very vocal."

The remark elicited a laugh from her, so bright and genuine Ben surprised himself with how loud his heart began to drum. The pace only accelerated as he tried to imagine her laughing like this in a week, in her real voice, facing him. Looking at him. Touching him, maybe.

Her laughter continued all morning, and so did the drumming as they kept talking and talking, ignoring how late Ben already was. Rose tried to warn him as she left, a finger pointed at her watch, but he didn't care. All that counted was Rey, her laugh and the plans she was starting to make for them. And for the first time, Ben found that he truly, genuinely couldn't wait to get back to Brooklyn.