DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN iCarly!

chapter | three

"What are you thinking about?"

Freddie and I decided to go to my room so I could calm myself down from earlier. I'm still grieving over my break up with Jonah, and it's not pretty. He was my first boyfriend, and I lost him over his selfish act. I don't know how girls do this when they break up with their boyfriends.

I've seen movies and seen how the girls eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream while watching movies about love. Why would you watch movies about love after you get dumped? That makes everything even worse.

Well, I guess for me is being with Freddie on my bed, laying on him with my head on his comfortable lap as his hand is on my hair, stroking it softly with his thumb. This is probably my substitute besides ice cream and dumb romance movies.

"Sam."

A whisper interrupts my thinking. I look up seeing brown eyes staring down at me. My eyes are memorizing his eyes and face features. Even though he's my best friend I can admit that he is really attractive. I can say that because it doesn't mean anything towards him.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah. I'm okay." I say as my head is still laying on his lap. He looks down at me looking hurt and miserable.

"Don't lie to me." He whispered.

"I'm fine."

"Sam, talk to me." He demanded.

I look at his eyes and see the concern in them. He knows what my problem is, he just wants me to say it out loud. If I tell him, then I would break down again. Doing that would make everything worse than it needs to be because my makeup is already ruined from crying earlier.

"Okay, get up." He lets go of my hair and I stare at him, confused.

"What?"

"Sit-up," he grips my arms lightly and drags me up for me to sit on the bed regularly, facing him. "Listen, I want you to be honest with me. I know you're still trying to be strong about your break up, but you need to stop thinking about him or else you'll get sick. However, if you want...you can tell me anything that's on your mind right now." He says, softly.

This is what I love about him. He's so understanding about everything and so gentle. He doesn't want to rush me to say anything that is uncomfortable for me and I don't want more drama tonight.

"No... I'm fine, really." He gives me the 'I-don't-believe-you' look. "Freddie, I'm fine. Like you said, I'll tell you anything that's bothering me." I assure him.

"Mhm..." He stoops his lips at me. "Okay, I believe you, but I don't believe you." He sighs.

"Whatever." I shake my head. "I just want to relax with my smudged face looking like I just got beat up."

The one time I don't wear fucking waterproof mascara!

He chuckles at me while reaching his hand to my face and wipes off some of the smeared makeup. "These are just girl tears, nothing to be dramatic about." After wiping the blotchy spots off, he pokes the tip my nose with his index finger causing me to scrunch my nose, squirming away from him. "But, he's irrelevant now. What he did was a shitty thing and I wish I can chop his dick off." I laughed while shaking my head.

He shows me his famous smile that drives all the girls crazy. His smile gives women life again as from what I heard from someone a long time ago.

"But seriously, Sam. As a best friend, I'm telling you this because I love you. You deserve to be happy... you don't deserve to be heartbroken like what happened to you tonight. You deserve to find a guy who cares about you and will surely protect you from anything that might cause harm towards you."

I stare at him feeling all kind of weird stuff coming from my stomach and my heart beating faster than usual.

"Do you have a girlfriend I don't know about?" I ask randomly.

"No... why?" He asks showing confusion in his eyes.

"Because you're saying all this stuff like some passionate person would do. As a matter of fact, why don't you have a girlfriend yet?" I ask curiously. He hasn't dated anyone in two months and it makes me curious. I don't understand how he doesn't have a girlfriend yet because he can have any girl he wants from his charming looks and sweet personality.

He shrugs staring at me. "I just haven't found the girl yet, I guess." He crawls his hand towards mine picking it up and playing with my small fingers. "All the girls nowadays do nothing but have sex, it's annoying."

"But you love sex."

"True, and I love when they say my name when we're getting close." He smirks and I just roll my eyes not needing to hear that. "But at some point in my life, I would just like to be with a girl who doesn't want just sex, you know?" He mumbled. He's right, though, tonight I just realized that I was only used for sex and not love. Why can't guys understand those feelings about girls? We have fucking feelings too! All the guys here are just users to me, except for Freddie of course.

"Yeah, I understand how you feel."

He snaps his head at my direction and looks scared for some reason. "Oh god, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have said that!" He said freaking out.

"What? You're right."

"No I mean about your..." He stopped seeing the signs of what he's talking about.

"Oh...just forget about it. He's not worth it. But what will be worth it is having these legs closed. My legs are now closed for business." He chuckles showing his toothy grin.

"No, don't close your legs, that'll make me sad." He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Ugh, you perv."

"Thanks for the love, Sam." Without warning, he attacks me by coming at me, tickling my sides without stopping. God, he knows how much I hate being tickled and this is what I get.

"Stop!" I laugh while I couldn't breathe.

"Now you know I wouldn't stop." He continues tickling me all fucking night. Let's just say after he tortured me, I punched him in the face causing a whine from him. Our relationship is so strange I can't ignore it. This shithead is annoying as fuck sometimes, but I still love him to death with all my heart.

There are some moments when we would fight about certain things but that only lasts for two hours until we're laughing with each other again. When we were little, I did have a small crush on him, but I knew I couldn't go out with him because we're best friends. So I had to force myself to stop my tiny feelings for him. That's when Jonah came along. We met during our senior year in Zoology class and everything went splendid between us, and we started dating months later and all the crap. Then he comes right off the bat and dumps me after five years of being together...

I was completely heartbroken because in my heart it's saying that I can't trust anyone anymore after what he told me. It's like when I find another guy he would break my heart at some point, and I can't go through that again.

I don't know if it's a sign or not, but I know it's time for me to just give up love and do something drastic so I won't have to be heartbroken again.