Warning: This chapter gets a little heavy on the spiritual and emotional side. I'll say a little more about this at the end.

Chapter 12

Lena felt safe. She was cozy under the blanket, enveloped in her favorite scent, and she felt a warm, gentle breath on the back of her neck. She snuggled deeper into the pillow with a soft sigh. Something moaned behind her and the arm around her waist tightened, pulling her closer.

Her eyes flew open.

Why was there an arm around her waist? Why was there breath on the back of her neck? And was that an…*erezione…against her backside? It was!

Lena slowly looked over her shoulder; Edmund was just opening his eyes too. A short second passed, as he stared at her before he realized what was happening. They both jumped out of bed in a hurry. Lena tried to look anywhere but at the obvious. Edmund grabbed the pillow to try and hide the evidence.

"I…I'm so sorry, Ileana; I…"

"Sara? Where's Sara?" Lena asked, looking down at the bed. Sara was nowhere in sight.

"She's asleep in my bed," Meri said from across the room. Both Edmund and Lena jumped.

"Merda, Meri!"

"Meri! Uh—er—g-good morning," Edmund stuttered out, trying to stand so he was blocked by the bed as well as the pillow.

"Good morning," Meri replied slowly as she watched them. Lena refused to look directly at Edmund, while he stood awkwardly behind the bed toying with a pillow. "So… Sara came crawling into my bed late last—are you all right, Edmund?"

"Fi—fine," his voice cracked. He coughed. "Fine."

"O…K… Well, are you particularly fond of that pillow, or something?"

He shook his head. "What? No. No, I…"

"Merina, stop this nonsense." Lena suddenly spat in Italian. "This doesn't concern you." Edmund eyed her cautiously.

"Fine!" Meri returned with the same bite as her mother. "I just thought you'd want to know where your daughter was when you finished shagging!"

"Merina!"

"Did she just say…?" Edmund couldn't finish his sentence.

"We were not…we did not…shag."

"Maybe you should," Meri suggested.

"What?! Merina Maira Pevensie, how dare you…"

"What? Point out the obvious because you're too Telmarine to see it?"

Edmund was lost. Lena and Meri were shouting in Italian and he could only catch a few words, but he knew things were especially heated due to the use of Meri's full name. He tried to intervene but was only yelled at for his effort.

"Ladies, please try…"

"Stay out of this Ed!"

"Don't turn on him, Mamma! He's just trying to help like he always does like he always has. But yet again you are too stubborn to see it. You don't even see what this is, this whole chance we've been given!" Tears formed in the corner of Meri's eyes; she pushed on. "You're too focused on getting home. Home to what, Mamma?"

"Merina, please…" Lena's voice was suddenly deflated, defeated. Edmund looked at her curiously.

"Back to a world without you? You may be eager to die, Mamma…" Meri shook her head, tears running down her cheeks. "But I am not ready to watch you!"

"Meri, please come back," Lena tried, following her to the door, but it was too late; Meri was gone.

Lena felt her tears threatening to break the surface; she shoved them down. The one reprieve she could find in their argument was that Meri had stuck to Italian. So, Edmund, though he was learning quickly, would not have comprehended everything that was said. But now what did she do? She had one daughter who was sick and needed her, and another who was hurting and needed her just as desperately.

"God, I could really use some divine intervention right about now," Lena cried in Italian.

There was movement behind her; Lena spun around to find Edmund still standing by the bed. For a second she had forgotten he was there.

"Let me help you, please," he pleaded softly.

Lena nodded and wiped her eyes. "Sara. Check on Sara. I need to find Meri."

Edmund nodded then he quickly crossed the distance between them. He wiped the still falling tears from her face and took her hands in his. "Whatever that was about… it will be all right," he said. "It will be all right."

"How…how can I make her understand what's happening when I can't understand it myself?"

XXX

Meri ran from her sister's room. She ran from her mother's outstretched arms. She ran from the teary eyes and pained look on her face. Meri ran…but she didn't know where to run to.

Usually, she would run to Babbo whenever she and her Mamma had an argument, which was more often than either of them liked. Babbo said it was because the two of them were more alike than they were different. Mamma said it was because of the wretched Telmarine blood they shared. Babbo then equated that to stubbornness.

But Babbo wasn't really there and King Edmund was too caught up in his own feelings for Mamma, so where could she go? She was in a castle surrounded by family who wasn't family. There were familiar faces all around her, of which she knew numerous tales, but to them, she was more stranger than friend. For the first time since arriving, Meri felt alone and she longed for the familiar comfort of home. Thinking of home and what awaited them there, however, only brought fresh tears to her eyes.

"Meri?"

Meri jumped at the sound of Peter's voice. She turned around trying, and failing, to reign in her tears. She couldn't see much through her haze, but she saw Jagar standing tall and proud by Peter's side and one of the castle Fauns, Mr. Kof, on the other. Meri knew she should probably say "good morning," but when she opened her mouth more sobs issued instead.

"Tell Queen Susan to take the briefing alone; she can fill me in later. And have… Do you prefer tea or coffee, Meri? … Meri?"

Meri sniffled. "T-t-tea, please. Ma-mma doesn't let me have cof-fee."

Peter turned back to Mr. Kof. "Have some of both sent up to my study, along with those biscuits I like."

"Right away, your Majesty. Lady Meri." Mr. Kof bobbed his head to them both before leaving.

"I do detest those weekly briefings from the Llamas." Peter smiled. "Would you care to join me in skipping them?"

Meri sniffled again, wiped her eyes, and nodded. They walked silently through the halls, with Peter leading the way and Meri crying softly behind him. The argument was on replay in her mind; every word she said, every word she didn't, and every word she wished she had said instead echoed through her memory. She didn't notice when they arrived at Peter's study, or when he stoked the fire sending a rush of heat through the room. And she didn't notice when Mr. Kof returned with tea and coffee and he poured them each a cup.

"I am told you and your mother had quite the row this morning," Peter said. Meri looked up. "Word travels fast in this castle, especially heated words. Many of our guards thought to intervene. You had Sir Jagar ready to go to battle in your defense."

Meri looked around for the Cheetah but did not see him. She realized Peter must have told him to keep watch outside. She spoke just loud enough for him to hear through the cracked door.

"It is well thought, Sir Jagar, but I would not have you go to war against my mother." She sniffled and her voice weakened. "The enemy I would have defeated…you could not face and come back from."

She began to cry again and Peter set down his coffee. "Yes," he said. "I thought that might be what this is about."

"I… I'm not sure I know…w-what you're talking about…"

"I am referring to your mother's illness, or perhaps…her death even."

Meri could not deny it and only started crying more. "How…how did you kn-know?"

"Because I remember the day you arrived. I remember what she looked like then, and I see how she looks now, as though death has been reversed."

Meri wiped her eyes. "She…she is not dead yet…but they…the doctors think it will be soon. Babbo…Babbo doesn't know I was standing at the door when they told him; I wasn't supposed to be there, but I couldn't sleep. Babbo is the strongest man I know, and when they told him… I couldn't bear to see him like that."

Peter fought the bitter pinch in the back of his throat. The insurmountable grief his brother and nieces must be facing in the other place, and he was incapable of sparing them from it.

"I do not understand. How could God let this happen? How could he take her from us so soon?"

"You are asking questions to which no scholar or Narnian wise one has the answers to."

"I have prayed every morning and every night for her to be healed. The whole church has prayed. My friends have prayed. I know He always hears, but still, He does not act."

"Well, I don't think that's true at all. He may not act in the way you want Him to, but that doesn't mean He does not act. Aslan very rarely ever acts in the way I want. Take the battle of Beruna for example.

"Here I was, this young boy fresh from the other place barely in Narnia a week, preparing to go to war against a Witch who had been ruling for a hundred years. Now, Aslan had planned the whole thing; He had to because I knew nothing of war. I simply followed along and nodded when appropriate. Then the morning of, He up and leaves. I was expecting Him to be there every step of the way, and instead, He leaves me to do it alone."

Meri pinched her face in confusion. "But you weren't alone. You had Babbo."

Peter scoffed. "Ed was even more of a child than I was."

"You had General Orieus by your side and all the good Narnians at your back."

"True, but Jadis was a witch with a magical staff that turned those Narnians to stone like that." He snapped his fingers.

"And you had Aslan!"

"Did I though? He wasn't there remember?"

"That's because He went to die! He gave His Own life so that Babbo could keep his. Then He rose again, conquering Death, and de-stoned all the Narnians in the Witch's castle and brought you re-enforcements!"

"All you say is true," Peter said calmly. "Still, He missed roughly ninety-seven percent of the battle."

"That's because His way…" Meri stopped suddenly, huffed, and plopped back down on the sofa. She crossed her arms over her chest. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what exactly?"

"That annoyingly clever thing you do in which you talk utter nonsense only to make me reach your wisdom in my own way."

"Ed has deemed it 'High King-ising.'"

Meri gave a faint snort. "That is only what he calls it to your face. He has a more colorful term he prefers when he and Mamma are speaking about it."

Peter laughed. "Then I shall have to speak with him on that, but first, please share this great wisdom I was about to bestow."

Meri huffed again. "Aslan did not work in the way you wanted because His way was better."

Peter nodded thoughtfully. "Not bad."

"But is it really a better way if Mamma has to die?"

Peter sighed. "I cannot say it is necessarily a better way, but it is His way. Sometimes, His greatest acts are in giving peace to those we love most, despite the pain it may cause us. He offers the same peace to us as well, but it is harder to see at the time."

Meri wiped her eyes. "I know she is hurting, and I do not want her to suffer anymore, but I do not wish to lose her either."

"You can't, Topa," Lena said softly from the doorway. Meri was startled by her appearance; Peter was not.

"Mamma! How—how long have you been there?"

"She has been standing just outside the door the entire time," Peter replied.

Meri looked from Peter to Lena; Lena nodded. "It's true." Lena took a step forward. "Merina, I…I am so sorry, Topa. I didn't stop to think how my desire to leave Narnia would be perceived by you." She slowly moved forward some more. "But I assure you, it was never out of an eagerness to die."

Lena closed the distance between them and took Meri's face in her hands. She wiped the tears from her eyes and kissed the top of her head.

"But, Merina, you can never lose me. I am the glimmer in your eye. I am the tender caress in your voice. And I am the love in your heart. Whether in this world, or in our world, or in the world beyond that I will always be with you."

Meri cried and threw her arms around Lena. Lena hugged her to her chest and kissed her head repeatedly. Peter stood and placed his hand on Lena's shoulder.

"I will give you two a moment. Stay. Have some tea or coffee, and those biscuits really are the best in Narnia."

Lena nodded her head. "Thank you, Peter." Then she turned back to Meri. Peter's hand dropped from her shoulder as he walked away. But something occurred to Lena and she called out to him.

"Peter, wait! Hang on, Meri." Lena kissed Meri's head again before stepping back and turning to look at Peter. "Are…are you going to tell your brother?"

Peter paused in thought. "I don't know."

1958 London

Edmund could feel his head bobbing, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, but he couldn't stop it. Edmund fell asleep.

He found himself on the beach, Cair Paravel in the distance, Lena wrapped in his arms as they danced to some distant tune. It had been a long while since he felt this content; he didn't want it to end.

"I don't want you to leave," he whispered softly, desperately.

She held him a little tighter. "Oh, Cuore. I've told you before…what we have can never end."

"Yes, I know, but I still don't want you to go."

"I will not. You are Cuore, my heart; I will always be with you."

"Lena, I…"

Edmund was awoken by a closing door.

"Oh, shit. Were you sleeping?" Peter asked.

Edmund nodded. "We were dancing on the beach."

Peter swore again. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, no I don't think I could get back there." Edmund sat up in his chair and rubbed his eyes. "What's that?"

"Oh, coffee. Extra caffeinated. I thought you could use it if you didn't want to sleep." Peter handed over a cup as he took up the seat Lucy had vacated an hour ago.

"Thanks. Ugh!" Edmund pinched his nose. "This may be worse than the hot chocolate Lena and I had at the airport one Christmas."

"I said it was extra caffeinated, not extra good."

"No worries." Edmund forced down another hearty swallow. "This may be just the thing I need to keep me awake."

Peter forced down his own coffee. "Holly sends her love."

"Where is she?"

"At home with Stevie. He has a little cough; she didn't want to make it worse, but she prays night and day for you."

Edmund nodded; lip trembling slightly. "How…how is my nephew?"

Peter laughed delightfully. "He plays all day, cries all night."

"And you love every second of it, don't you?"

"More than anything in the world."

Edmund smiled. "Enjoy it, Brother. Soon he will be going off to school, like Sara."

Peter groaned. "Ugh, don't say that."

Edmund took another gulp of bad coffee and grimaced. "Do…do you remember our last winter in Narnia?"

Peter paused. "It's a hard one to forget."

There was a stretch of silence. "You knew then. Didn't you?"

There was another stretch of silence in which Peter drank. "I…received confirmation then; I suspected beforehand."

"But you never told me."

"No. I didn't."

"Why?"

Peter sighed. "Knowing you…You would have tried to change things to keep this from happening. Lena wasn't sure what else might change in the process. It wasn't worth the risk for her."

Edmund nodded as tears ran down his face.

*Translations

Erezione: erection

Alright, before you hate me, I just have to say that the clues were there all along. From the very beginning of the story when we open up in 1958 London and someone saying "I'm sorry, Sir. There's nothing more we can do for her but make her as comfortable as we can. If there's anything, you and your family need, please don't hesitate to ask us." And then we had the descriptions of Lena's appearance. From Peter's perspective: she was thin, too thin. Her eyes were set into deep sockets. Her cheeks were hollow, her pale skin pulled tightly over them...Lena gave one the impression of death. Even the genre of the story is labeled as Tragedy.

So, yes, Lena is dying in 1958. I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person, I know, for doing this to my characters. But...sometimes this is what happens. And I believe this a story that needs to be told. I am fortunate to have not experienced something like this before, but to those of you who have or who are, my deepest sympathies.

I do hope this chapter doesn't turn anyone away as things are only beginning to heat up between Edmund and Lena and there is so much of their tragic love story still to be told. New chapter should be up on Thursday...hopefully. Thanks for reading.