DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ICARLY! But I wish I did... Dx

chapter twenty-four

I pace around the living room thinking about Freddie and how he left this morning. I am so worried about him, I'm about to lose my mind.

He left around ten am, and it's one-thirty pm now. I've been calling him, calling him, and calling him and all I got was his voicemail! Then I sent him a bunch of text messages that were unread on his part. I could drive and locate where he is, but there are billions of places where he could be.

My hands are shaking as I'm holding onto my phone, I just wish my phone could ring and it will be Freddie on the caller ID. Does he know how much I'm worrying right now?

I feel like a mother whose child is missing and I'm terrified.

It's been three hours and I'm worried that he's going to do something that is illegal and do something he would regret. For instance, punch somebody to death. From the expression on his face earlier, that's what it felt like he was going to do.

Please, oh please, let Freddie get home safely.

After my prayer, the door opens and I snap my body around facing the front door seeing Freddie walking inside the house. His body doesn't look as tense when he left earlier, but his body structure is sullen.

He closes the door behind him and throws his keys on the nightstand by the door.

I stayed silent as he walks closer to my direction with his head down. This is finally my chance to confront him about what happened.

"Freddie..."

He doesn't respond right away as he walks over to the red couch and sits down, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his head on his hands.

Okay, something is definitely wrong. I'm going to figure out what it is right now.

I walked over to the couch slowly and sat next to him while reading his figure carefully. His hands are shaking and he sighs heavily like he's trying to control himself. I gently rest my hand on his back and rubbed his back in circular motion.

He's not pulling away this time...

"What happened...?" I asked gently, looking at his face.
He sighs again then pulls his hands away from his face, causing me to see his eyes slightly red like he was crying while he was gone.

Oh no...

He keeps staring straight ahead and swallows from his Adam's apple.

"I should've told you about it," he started. I look at him trying to know what he's talking about. "And I need to tell you the truth now." He said while hesitating.

I find how tense he is and saw how serious he is about this conversation. What is he thinking about? "Well, what is it, Freddie? Don't be scared to tell me," I said putting my hand on his shoulder and he snapped his head looking back me with dejected eyes.

"Remember when we were at dinner and I mentioned my dad?" He asked, giving me a sorrowful look. I think back about our dinner at Pini's and remember us talking about Freddie's childhood with his father.

I nodded my head afraid to speak.

He looked away from my eyes and looked at the carpet, letting out a deep sigh. "Earlier... when I was on the phone... my mom told me that..." he trailed off, playing with his hands distractedly. "She said that he's coming back."

My eyes go wide hearing this unexpected news. His father wants to come back after how many years he's been gone?

"What?" I asked quietly.

"I just don't understand," he chuckled but had a sadness tone to it. "I never knew much about my dad... my mom took care of me all by herself. She never told me where he went after he left, she just... lied through her teeth." He hesitates. "I remember them arguing about something, and I was scared to ask them what they were fighting about."

"And then one day... I remember coming home from school. I realized dad's things were missing when I went to my parent's room. I was so confused, so then I asked my mom if she knew where he went, and she just said 'no, I don't Freddie'."

"You should've seen the way she looked at me when she told me that," Freddie muttered. "They were filled with guilt... I didn't know at the time, but when she told me the truth why he left years later. I understood."

"What truth?" I asked nervously.

He clutched his hands together and I could see his hands turn white as he's taking a deep breath. I don't like where this is going...

"She said he couldn't handle being with us anymore... He just abandoned us." He shakes his head slowly.

I stare at him sympathetically. Oh my god... "Why?" I asked curiously.

"Back then, when my mom was pregnant with me, he didn't love my mom nor didn't take responsibility for taking care of me." My heart is breaking from what I'm hearing. I can't believe he had to go through his life not knowing his father the right way. Plus, his dad leaving him behind at a young age. "When I found out about it the first time when I was fifteen, I wanted to find him, wanted to get to know the man who left me and my mom."

After hearing these specific clues, my mind opens a door remembering what happened a while ago. "So, when you talked to your mom a few times on the phone... you two were talking about your–"

"Yeah," He answered knowing what I was about to ask. I feel so sorry for him, no wonder he had to be responsible when his mom was a single parent. I want to talk sense to the man who would do that to him and his family.

"...I just wanted to be his son, you know? But after what he said, I decided to be a complete stranger to him."

I scrunch my eyebrows together. "What did he say?"

He sighs and breathes at a slow pace. "...When I left hours ago, I went to my mom's place to discuss him. When I got there, we talked about how he called her and how he wanted to come visit us. I was appalled. But then I figured out that he had the audacity to say to my mom, 'I'm always going to stay single, I don't need a family.'" He snapped. "It's like... family doesn't matter to him, and he doesn't care about my mom and me."

I feel my eyes stinging causing tears to form and feel myself choking up in my throat trying not to cry. "I don't know what a real family is... and I feel like..." I hear him choked up a little bit as he looks up at me.

I see his eyes are blood-shot red and have tears pouring down his cheeks. I can't believe what I'm seeing... he's crying...

I turned my whole body facing Freddie and looked at his face. "Hey," I whispered. He looks at me while tears are falling down on his cheeks and starts sniffling.

"What, what is it?" He murmured. I look at him again and wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him while his face is laying on my shoulder. "Why are you hugging me?"

"D-Don't be like that..."

"What–"

"You don't have to pretend right now," I said feeling tears pour out of my eyes. I don't hear him talking back but hear him breathing at a quick pace. "You can be yourself when you're with me, Freddie, you don't have to hide it anymore." He can't pretend right now; he should tell me what he feels so he can get it out his chest. The real Freddie needs to come out.

After a few moments, he doesn't say anything, but I feel him wrapping his arms around my waist, feeling his body shake. He's sobbing and whimpering while wet tears are trickling down my neck. I feel myself about to break down as I'm stroking my hand on his hair gently, comforting him.

"Shh... it's okay. I'm here." I whispered.

"I j-just don't understand why he would do that..." he cried. "I thought he l-loved us, but when he left, I didn't know what to do." He wraps his arms tightly around me but I didn't care to be in pain at the moment.

"It hurts, Sam." He sobbed against my shoulder. I've never seen Freddie so upset before in my life and it kills me to see him like this. The last time he was so upset was when his dad left him years ago. It's like he's kept a wall to himself so no one could see it, but just like that, his wall is destroyed after letting out his feelings towards his father. He's always been there for me when I needed him the most, so I'm returning to favor and be there for him whether he likes it or it.

I pull away from him so I can look at his face. I stare at his bearing dead brown eyes and see hurt in them, he shouldn't feel this way about anything that can cause his life to tremble badly. "Listen to me..." I whispered.

I cup my hands on his cheeks, caressing them while stroking them gently with my thumb for him to look at me. "I know now that you must've felt so alone when he left," I started, and he nodded his head weakly. "...you don't have to worry about that." He doesn't look anywhere else but my eyes. "You're not alone because you have everyone who cares about you here now... including me. Remember what I said at the restaurant? I will always be here for you." I said trying to give him a comforting grin.

He nods his head again while sobs escape his lips. "Thank you..."

He hugs me again, wrapping his arms around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder like his life depends on it. I hug him back by stroking his hair slowly with my hand and putting my head on top of his.

"I'll be here for you, okay?" I said sniffling, kissing the side of his head. "I won't leave you..."

I'll never let him feel like he's lonely ever again, I'm not going anywhere because I would be too stupid to do that. He's done so much to make me feel comfortable over the years and not feel obligated. Somehow, these feelings I'm observing, they're making me feel something towards him.

I'm proud of him that he told me how he felt about this situation and didn't hide it like he's been doing. It's not okay to hold feelings in because it will make anyone go crazy. He maybe a nub I've known since we were babies, but he's my nub who knows now that I am not going anywhere.

I won't ever leave him until the day I die.

This chapter sucked, I was tearing up while writing this and now my head hurts. X(