I hate doctor's offices. I hate hospitals, too. A Med Bay is like both. I think anyone with a sick parent probably feels the same way; these places remind me of my mom sick and my sister crying.
It's especially terrible if I know there's no Turian doctor around. The Med Clinic on the Citadel is staffed mostly by human and Asari women, and Huerta Memorial Hospital is harder to get into. When you know they're aware of Turian erotic zones and they touch your waist for no reason...it's hard to trust your doctor.
Dr. Chakwas is absolutely nothing like those doctors. She actually asked where and how to touch my fringe without essentially assaulting me. And she listened. She even raised the temperature in the Med Bay when I took my armor off for an X-Ray. I answer her questions about the mission and get the feeling from the way she responds that this doctor is knowledgeable about tactical operations, too, so I can also respect her as a soldier in a way.
She reminds me of my mom. It makes me glad to be on the Normandy and miss home all at once.
Nothing makes me happier to be on the Normandy than Shepard. Having her here even makes being in the Med Bay seem better, since she chose to stay with me. She's keeping a distance to be out of the way for Chakwas, but I can tell that she's worried about me...and I like it.
"Do I remember something about an allergy in your medical records, Garrus?" Chakwas asks, pulling me from distracting thoughts. I'm grateful she quit calling me Officer Vakarian, too.
"Good memory, but it's just an antibiotic. Not usually anything to worry about."
"I'll give you a mild painkiller for the headache then. You have a slight concussion but there's no fracture on your carapace, and you're very alert. So, you should be fine." She places two small blue pills in my hand and then crosses her arms. "I do want you to be monitored overnight, though."
I balk at her. "You just said it's only a slight concussion. Now you're saying I have to say here?"
"Concussions are serious, even if they are mild, and especially for the first few hours," she counters, using a patient but firm tone that I would appreciate if she wasn't trapping me in a pseudo-hospital for an entire night. "You sleep in the Cargo Bay with no one but a Krogan around - and nothing wakes him. It's unsafe."
"But, I - "
"What if he stays with me?"
Chakwas and I turn toward Shepard simultaneously, and I'm sure the doctor is just as surprised by the offer. It must show on our faces because the unshakeable Spectre gives a nervous laugh and runs a hand back over her hair; I guess she does that when she's nervous, too.
I don't want to make her nervous, though.
"Shepard, that's a really nice offer, but it's fine. I'll get Wrex drunk and make him stay up with me." Chakwas gives me the exact same look I think my mom might if she heard me say something that stupid. I would laugh if I didn't think she'd smack me.
"You cannot go drink, Garrus," Shepard responds, her tone as dry as the doctor's gaze. "I'm serious, you can stay in my quarters. With mission reports and whatever, I'll be up for a while anyway." I open my mouth with every intent to argue, but green eyes harden at me, and I shut it again quickly. "Does this work for you, Dr. Chakwas?"
"Of course, Commander," she agrees. "Make sure that he stays awake for at least the next few hours and call me right away if he loses consciousness or starts vomiting. Garrus, you come back here in the morning for a recheck."
We both agree, and Shepard straightens away from where she's been leaning on Chakwas' desk while I take the pills. I get to my feet a little slower than usual, still unsure I'm not going to get dizzy again but even more unsure about going to Shepard's quarters for the night. It breaks a bunch of my rules and considering I made her cry the other day…
"You comin' big guy?"
Spirits damn me, I cannot say no to her.
I thank Chakwas for the examination - and for the painkillers - and then follow my Commander to her quarters. I catch her elbow just before she presses the button to unlock the door, guilt pushing me to get out of this. "Shepard, you don't have to do this. If this is some weird thing where you feel like you owe me - "
"Wow, and here I was gonna blow you because you held a door open for me once," she quips.
My dick jumps to attention at even the sarcastic suggestion, and it comes with a surge of pain to the bruise on the back of my head. "Ouch," I groan, reaching up to rub my fringe. "Don't turn me on right now, it hurts."
Shepard barks out a laugh. "I wasn't trying to turn you on, jerk. I'm saying that I'm not doing anything because I feel like I owe you. I'm grateful, obviously, but…" She trails off and then scowls at me. "For shit's sake, Vakarian, get inside."
She smacks her hand down on the panel and the doors whoosh open, but I hold my ground.
"Yeah, you getting all flustered isn't helping me feel better about this," I admit. "What about in the morning when the whole crew sees me coming out of here? We both know what they'll assume."
"What about if you hadn't been there tonight because I was an idiot, and I've been keeping you at a distance?" she demands, throwing her hands up. "If that hit knocked you out with that hard-ass head of yours, it probably would have cracked my skull. So I don't really care if the crew thinks we were bumping uglies all night. Screw them."
"Damn it, Shepard, didn't I ask you not to turn me on?"
The joke works, and she throws her head back in a hard laugh even while trying to frown at me. I needed to break the tension, but it feels really good to hear her say that she wants me here - and not just on missions, but here with her right now. Shepard's been lying to herself about the way she feels about me, and we both know it. But this feels like a pretty significant gesture.
It feels worth the concussion, though I'm not going to tell her that. Or Chakwas.
She smiles when I finally follow her direction and lead her inside. "I'm supposed to be watching you, but...we, uh, both need showers."
My throat all but closes when I think she might be inviting me into the shower with her; it's already been proven tonight that I have no capacity to refuse her. And in this case, I really don't want to even if I know I should.
"It's not an invite, big guy, calm down."
"You...calm down." Her eyebrows shoot up, and I scowl. "Listen, I have a concussion. The witty part of my brain has been bruised."
"Oh, we both know your lack of wit has nothing to do with the concussion. Now get in the shower, so I know you're steady on your feet before I get one."
It's hard to argue, especially now that my headache is starting to spread down into my shoulders and neck. I regret putting my armor on again after the x-ray; it feels like it weighs about ten tons, and I don't know that my boots have ever been quite this heavy.
"Mind if I take my armor off out here?"
"Go for it."
Shepard motions toward one of the chairs, and I take it gratefully, immediately going for the latches on my armor to relieve some of the pressure. I pile it neatly beside the chair along with my boots and hope I don't look as exhausted as I feel in front of her. Fortunately, she stays by the desk and doesn't watch me, so I also unzip the top half of my BDUs and push them down to hips, leaving me naked from the waist up.
Of course, that's also how Shepard catches me when she turns around as I stand up. I hate that damn flush that comes to her cheeks when she scans me as much as I love it. Instead of backing myself into a corner by saying or doing something stupid, I turn around and head right for the shower...which is not much better considering it leaves just a door separating us while I'm naked.
There are about a million things I could do to prove to Shepard how she feels about me. I know dozens of ways to break down those walls of hers and have her ready to beg for me. Hell, I've done that with other lovers just for fun. I don't know why it's different with Shepard, but I don't want to have to fight to make her realize she loves me. I want her to get there on her own and, more importantly, I don't want her to be ashamed of me.
If she's ever going to think of me as more than her sniper or her fuck buddy, I can't just be physical. No matter how badly I want to ask for help that I don't need just to get her in here with me. I want more with her. I have to be more for her.
I remember Lorik teasing me the night that we were together about being in love for the first time, and it makes me smile now. I feel like a child, lovestruck and pathetic. My father as waited almost thirty years for me to feel this way and now...there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Not until Shepard figures out what she wants from both of us.
Well, except keep Kaidan Alenko the hell away from her. That much I can do.
I get through my shower quickly and wrap a towel around my waist before stepping out of the bathroom. I'm confused when I realize that I'm alone until Shepard comes back in. "I went downstairs to grab something for you to sleep in," she explains, holding up a pair of my shorts and a t-shirt. "I made Joker come downstairs to go through your stuff for me., though I felt weird doing it."
"Really?" I laugh. "I've been a hell of a lot more intimate with you than I have with Joker."
"Well, shit, I should hope so!" She throws my clothes at me with a laugh and then excuses herself before going into the bathroom for her own shower.
An ache starts lower in my core immediately when I think about her naked in there, right here where all I'd have to do is walk through the door. I busy myself with getting dressed and get as far from the bathroom door as I can manage. It doesn't work, not even a little.
Spirits, just the thought of that woman naked is painful. She's the single most beautiful person I've ever known, and she only gets sexier every time I see her on a mission. Tonight it wasn't even Shepard in action that got me hot, but that she taught me something. I've never had a Commander make me want to stop and think beyond the immediate consequences of a moment or decision.
If I'd shot Saleon tonight instead of letting justice run its course, I'd be no better than Saren has become. Or maybe no better than Saren always was, it's hard to remember.
In any case...Shepard thinks I'm better than that. And I will be, for her.
"You OK, big guy?" I startle a little at Shepard's voice, surprised I didn't hear her come out. One look, and I startle again.
She must have changed in the bathroom, probably thinking that she was doing the nice thing by not torturing me with a towel. I wonder if she realizes just how perfect she looks in loose shorts and a fitted tank top. When did I start to find cleavage so arousing?
"OK, now you're freaking me out. Garrus, are you alright?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry. I just…" I consider censoring myself, but can't help it. Besides, she deserves to know. "You look amazing like that. It's kind of a nice distraction from the head pounding."
Shepard looks down at her herself and then gives me a skeptical gaze. "You really need higher standards."
That makes me laugh. "Yeah, first human Spectre, N7 soldier, best person I've ever known. I'm really shooting low here." Shepard just rolls her eyes at that, but I see her cheeks flush pink again and know that she appreciates it. "So." I sit back in the chair and try not to stare. "You have a plan for keeping me awake for a couple hours?"
"I have many plans for you, but now doesn't seem like the right time." Shepard throws me a wink, and I have to clench my hands around the arms of the chair to stifle a growl. Her little giggle when she folds her legs under her in the other chair is just mean.
"You know exactly what you're doing, don't you?"
"No idea what you're talking about. Wanna watch a movie?" I laugh and agree, hoping that some explosions will distract me from the pounding in my head and the bare legs a few feet away.
It's going to take some seriously epic explosions.
"It's really a romance when you think about it," I muse to Garrus, munching on the popcorn we chose as a snack after the first movie.
"A romance for who? That guy and his rifle?" Garrus quips in response. His words are a little muffled because his head has been resting more and more heavily on his hand over the last half hour. I'm only talking now to keep him awake for as long as I can.
"Please! Don't act like you wouldn't marry your rifle if you could get away with it."
Garrus chuckles. "She's warm and never mean to me. You're not invited to the wedding."
"I'm devastated. Hey, do Turians really have weddings?"
"Mhm. Whole big party thing."
It makes me smile that he's starting to slur his words now, my always on point sniper absolutely wiped out from a concussion and painkillers. It's been at least three hours, so I decide to take pity on him and put the bowl of popcorn on the table when I stand.
"Where are you going?" he asks, finally lifting his head.
I open my mouth to speak, but my words get stuck at the sight of him. His muscular build is even more evident in loose, casual wear. But it's the adorable, sleepy look that gets my attention. "It's unfair that you only get more attractive as the night goes on, Garrus. And I'm taking you to bed. Come on."
"Shepard." Garrus straightens when I reach for him, suddenly much more awake. "I'm not sleeping in your bed. I'm fine right here - I can sleep anywhere."
"So can I, but you were hurt, so you're taking the bed," I argue, taking his hand to try and tug him from the chair. We both know I can't lift him, but the effort is worth it.
Garrus shakes his head and doesn't budge. "I'm not putting you out of your bed, Elle."
We realize at the same time that he said my first name and blue eyes snap up to meet mine, wide and cautious. If only he knew that I love the sound of my name in his voice. I also love knowing that it's still his natural inclination, doing something as intimate as calling me something no one else can.
It softens me, so I change tactics and flip my wrist to tangle my fingers with his like I've wanted to all night. I also go for something else I've wanted all night, throwing caution and professionalism to the wind. "Then...let's share it. Don't look at me like that - no funny business. Just sleep. We need it."
I hate the anxiety that sinks into my stomach when I wait for his answer, fearful he may reject me.
Whether he can see that on my face or not, Garrus stands and keeps a hold on my hand. "OK."
I'm not sure I've ever seen him look so...unmoored. It's adorable and kind of funny, but I don't want to make things worse for him right now. I squeeze his hand and pull him toward my bed.
"Are you gonna be able to get comfortable here? It's different than a Turian bed." Garrus' bed worked fine for me, but I remember that the mattress at his apartment dipped low before the head to accommodate his carapace. His sheets also felt different and must have been made out of something firmer than cotton since his leg spurs didn't rip right through them.
"I'll make it work. Hey, wait. Come here." Garrus catches me off guard with a tug on my hand, pulling me backward so that I stumble into his chest. I can barely breathe when his hand comes up to tuck a hair behind my hair. He lingers with his fingers on my ear lobe, and I can't help leaning into the touch. "You scared me tonight, kid. I saw that damn Salarian ready to hit you and…"
He trails off like even the words are painful. I know how he feels.
"I scared you?! That damn Salarian did hit you! When I saw you down and thought about you being seriously hurt, I…"
I can't finish the sentence either, pain choking me.
"Yeah, I know." His hand slips around to the back of my neck, and he holds tightly, his hand so big that his thumb can trace my throat. It should probably scare me to have a talon on my neck, but fear doesn't even begin to strike me. I trust Garrus with my life. "I'd never let anything happen to you, Shepard. I couldn't lose you. Even just the distance we've had...I really miss you."
My heart leaps into my throat, and I press into him, my hands on his cheek. "I miss you. Garrus…"
I have to swallow hard around the lump in my throat that always seems to form when I think about opening up. He's worth it.
"I haven't had a home in a really long time. But when I'm here…" I slide my hands up to his shoulders, and I hold onto him. "I remember how home felt. You feel like home, and it makes me just as scared to lose you as it makes me…"
The last of it dies on my tongue, not enough bravado left to finish and tell him how I really feel.
Garrus just whispers my name and closes his eyes like he's in pain or overwhelmed or both.
"Come to bed with me," I manage, this time much more a request than an order due to his injury. He agrees much faster this time, too, and parts from me only so that we can both climb in. I roll to my side, facing him, and watch Garrus arrange himself. He folds one of my pillows in half so that he can lay comfortably facing me as well.
Something about this simple thing, knowing that he can use my bed, makes me much happier than I think could be considered normal.
Our hands meet between us, and Garrus lets me tangle my fingers with his, just watching me.
It occurs to me that he's going to see me sleeping, and not when I've been drinking or passed out from exhaustion. There are things he's going to learn about me; my stomach knots with anxiety. "Garrus?" He makes a soft noise, and I don't look away from impossibly blue eyes when I speak. I let them ground me. "I have...nightmares. Mindoir and Akuze. The vision from the beacon, too."
"Why didn't you tell me the beacon gave you nightmares?" he asks, raising his other hand to brush the hair back from my face and frowning at me. I can see that it's concern, not that he's scolding me.
"What would you have done?"
"I don't know," he admits. He shifts closer, using the hand in my hair to drag his talons gently over my scalp, the sensation drawing my eyes closed and my walls down. "But I'm glad I'm here now."
"Me, too." He flashes a smile, and I can't help but return it. Watching him close his eyes is relaxing as all hell...except for the information still flashing over his visor. "Garrus?"
He makes another soft noise, this time without opening his eyes.
"I know that you fuck with it on...but please tell me that you don't actually sleep wearing your visor. That's just new level workaholic."
"I forget it about it all the time," he admits with a chuckle and a slight shrug. His hand leaves my hair only to fall down to my hip. "So, yeah, I honestly sleep with it on more often than not."
"Not with me, big guy." I reach behind his head to undo the clip and release the metal band before easing it out from under his fringe, careful not to bump the bruised spikes. I lean over him to put it on the table on his side, pushing Garrus onto his back so that I can reach.
"Damn, Shepard," he growls, hand shifting up from my hip to my waist. I look down at him to find that I inadvertently put my breasts right in his face, and the tank top isn't doing a lot to conceal what Garrus is noticing in a visceral way. "You can take the visor off me any time you want."
"Pig," I laugh, dropping the visor and shifting back to lay down again.
"No idea what that is, but don't take them away," he whines playfully, though he doesn't stop me from moving. I just laugh at him and fall back to the bed beside him. We're closer now, his hand low on my back, and I reach up to hold his neck.
He's so warm, it's like curling up with my personal space heater. Even though I know he's covered in hard plates, his body feels soft and comfortable to me. There's something about his arms that feels like the perfect fit.
Usually, I toss and turn for hours at night before I can finally fall asleep, but I feel myself drifting quickly with Garrus wrapped around me. He falls asleep almost instantly, and soft snores that sound almost like a purr lull me under.
The nightmares never come. When I start to stir, I can feel that it's been hours, but there's no sweating from the images of Reaper attacks, no gasping for air, or fear that I'll find the bars of a cage around me when I wake. At first, I don't know what woke me up, but then Garrus shifts again; I'm so used to sleeping alone that another body moving must have disturbed me...though I find that I really don't mind.
He's fallen back asleep, but I can't help touching him, running my hand lightly down his chest. I turned out the lights just before falling asleep, so I can't really see him, but I can feel his plates shifting just slightly with deep breaths, and I like the way the movement feels under my hand. I avoid his waist because that feels too much like assaulting him while he sleeps and move back up to his shoulder instead, lightly squeezing the muscles I can feel under the plates.
He feels good everywhere, and I press closer, needing more...a hell of a lot more.
I let my legs tangle with his and Garrus' hand tightens in the shirt at my back, though his breathing only shifts a tiny bit. A soft moan escapes him, and he tugs me closer so that I'm pressed into him, an erection hot and heavy between us. My breath escapes me in a rush, and the gasp wakes Garrus with a jump.
I shush him gently, moving my hand to the back of his neck for slow and soothing strokes.
"Shepard," he whispers, tightening his arm around me and pressing his palm flat against my spine. Just that touch charges me instantly when I've been without it far too long. Beyond trying to resist, I pull myself closer by his neck, close enough now that I could kiss him.
Damn, I want to kiss him.
Garrus' breath gusts over my mouth, and I nearly melt, a whimper escaping me. He groans, and I feel talons scrape hard down my back before his hand cups my ass, squeezing and pulling my hips against his. I half expected him to push me away or at least to slow us down, so I'm nearly floored by a rush of adrenaline when I realize that he's not, that he wants me right now.
The evidence of exactly what he wants is impossible to ignore, searing hot even inside his shorts and throbbing against my stomach. Something inside me snaps, and any inhibition or worry I might have felt dissolves into a hot, pounding need.
I press my mouth to the soft skin on his throat and let my tongue trail slowly. This time he whimpers, and it only encourages me, so I keep kissing him. His skin tastes incredible, and the feel of both his hands traveling my back and over my ass, now slipping under my shirt, gets my core aching. When I let my teeth scrape his throat, Garrus shoves his hand into my shorts and pulls me closer so that his cock rubs exactly where I need him to relieve the ache.
My head swims, an overload of sensations I love and emotions I kind of hate hitting me all at once.
Garrus' free hand shifts and fists in my hair, tugging hard and sharp to pull my lips from his neck and expose my throat. He growls when he dives in with sharp teeth and a wicked tongue, sending a hot shudder down my spine.
I love when he reminds me how dangerous he can be, that he could rip my throat out or break me so easily. He can take me right to the brink of fear and leave me desperate for more.
Licking and nipping my throat, rocking his hips against me, his talons digging ever so slightly into my ass, Garrus drives me wild. A slave to sensation, my hips grind against him, and he groans. He gives it right back, circling slowly so that I can feel the heat of his cock pressing into my clit, displaying absolute mastery of the map that is my body.
Garrus swallows my moan, finally kissing me. His tongue slips into my mouth, and he licks slowly, almost leisurely. It's short-lived only because we're both panting, and Garrus presses his forehead against mine while guiding my leg around his waist for a better angle. I move for his mouth again, but all of a sudden, Garrus jerks away and mutters, "Shit. Sorry."
"What? Why? What happened?" He's holding my shoulders back now, and he moves away, so I'm kept at a distance, missing his heat and panting pathetically.
"I...Spirits, it's worse that you don't even know," he mutters. In the dim light remaining from where his visor rests on the nightstand, I can tell that he looks almost ashamed. "That, uh, it means something to us. To Turians. The...the forehead bump, I mean."
It takes a moment for me to register what he's talking about since I was pretty distracted by other things bumping. "Oh. Well...what does it mean?"
"A lot," he answers, simply and vaguely. When I wait for me, he sighs and confesses, "It's something you do with family or…"
"Lovers?"
"No. Not unless they're more than just a lover." He's not looking at me anymore, but he's definitely still holding me back from him. I don't like that. When I move to wiggle closer, Garrus doesn't resist me and almost seems relieved when his arms come back around me - warm and safe and strong.
I shift in the wrong way, and my knee meets his quad, bringing a soft, pained groan, and a laugh escapes me. "Sorry, big guy. And...little guy."
"Whoa, excuse you, Elle Shepard. That is not a little guy."
"I mean, it's little compared to the rest of you."
"Shepard, ouch!" he exclaims. I get a poke in the side as punishment for the teasing, and it makes the laughter I can't control even worse. "You can't wound my pride when it's hard and wanting."
"Wanting, hmm?" He tenses, and I know that he wasn't thinking with the same head he's using now when he said that. I pull away from him a little, feeling that cold rock of anxiety and fear of rejection I hate so much sinking into my gut. "Maybe not so much."
Garrus frowns and pulls me closer again, my chest pressing into his. "Don't do that. We both know how badly I want you. The little guy makes it clear." I laugh again at that, and he manages a smile, though it's kind of sad. "I get carried away with you, Shepard."
I remember the forehead bump and grow warm when I think that he instinctively does something with me that he'd do with a partner, with a girlfriend, with…
With all the things that I can't be for him.
"And we agreed not to, so…" I take a deep breath, trying to calm some of the ache inside me. For once, I wish he wasn't here so I could at least take care of myself. "I'm sorry, Garrus, I shouldn't have started that. Do you want me to roll over or something?"
"Oh, Spirits, more than you know," he growls, his hands slipping up to my waist again. I can feel his eyes drop to my chest, and his hands continue up, nearly brushing them. The way that he's looking at me is enough to make my mouth water, and the limited control I do have is threatening to snap.
"Don't look at me like that, Garrus. I can't say no to you."
His growl only deepens, and I can feel him edge closer, my throat going totally dry when I catch the hungry look on his face. "Remind me why I need to say no?"
"I, uh…" I genuinely have to wrack my brain when my whole body, every cell in my being, is craving him. It doesn't help that I can barely breathe under his hot gaze; he's looking at me like he wants to devour me...and I'm going to remind him why not? "You want more with me. And I…"
The words fail me. Not because of my arousal. Not because of his stare. Because...because…
Garrus notices, and his eyes snap to mine, sparkling in the dark. "Say it," he breathes, his voice low and the words clearly an order. Both his hands move to my neck, his thumbs tilting my head back so that I look up at him - so that I'm in a submissive pose. "Tell me that you don't want more, Shepard."
Now the growl has changed into something softer, something less frustrated and more intended to drive me crazy.
He leans down and rubs his nose against mine, my lungs forgetting how to do their job. "Tell me you don't want to be mine."
My mouth opens, and nothing comes out. Just like before, the words fail. Because I don't want to say them. Because they're not true.
"I can't," I admit, my voice barely loud enough for me to hear it. "I can't."
"I know."
Garrus doesn't make me say anymore, instead meeting my mouth with bruising passion and tightening his hands around my throat just enough to make me grab onto him for dear life. It ends far too quickly, and I'm left reeling when he pulls away.
"What...why?"
He loosens his grip and then wraps one arm around me, carding the fingers of his other hand back through my hair. "Because I do want more with you," he answers, his voice and growl both soft now. "And I've never shared a bed with someone I hadn't just fucked. Just being here, falling asleep with you...that's more, for me."
"Garrus." He's taken my breath away all over again.
"Besides, you called my dick little, and now I really don't want you to see it."
A laugh explodes from me, and I smack his shoulder playfully, my hand lingering after the smack. He catches it and brings my fingers to his mouth, nipping the pad of my middle finger lightly. The feeling of rejection never comes; he's not rejecting me, he's...going for more.
And for once, I love more.
I snuggle in when he hugs me and rest my head on his chest. His mouth presses to the top of my head, and his fingers graze my back lightly. "Sleep," he orders, his voice soft.
I fall asleep before him this time, slipping into a deep level of comfort that I almost never find without a lot of liquor. Or sex with Garrus. Or maybe just Garrus in general since tonight I drift off with nothing to alter my consciousness and still find peace.
The only time I stir is when I roll over in my sleep. Garrus cuddles up behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist and tucking his other arm under my pillow. He's so much bigger than me that it totally cocoons me in warmth. I've never been so comfortable in my life. I fall right back to sleep.
I wake up in the same position, Garrus curled around me from behind, but this time it's not quite as pleasant. I have to blink a few times to figure out what the buzzing sound is until I realize Joker is pinging my Omni-Tool.
"What?" I demand, my voice scratchy. "And why the hell aren't you using the comms?"
"Well, because I know you didn't go to bed alone last night, and I was trying to be considerate." Just as he says it, the body behind me starts to move. It's even harder than usual to focus on Joker when Garrus is sliding his hand under my shirt, and his morning wood is poking at my back.
"Who knew that was universal?" I mutter, unable to keep a giggle out of my voice. It fades quickly when Garrus' hold turns into a grip, and he pulls me closer, burying his face into the back of my neck. "Are you OK?" I ask him over my shoulder.
"Hurts," Garrus groans, almost a growl but not of a hot variety.
Joker doesn't give me a chance to worry about him or figure out what's wrong. "Shepard, you have the Council waiting for you. Garrus, Chakwas wants to know when you're coming down for your check-up."
"Damn it. They're unpleasant enough without me making them wait." I sit up and turn slowly, Garrus immediately burrowing himself under the blankets. "Joker, please tell the Council I'll be with them in a moment and then transfer them to the Comm Room. Then ask Chakwas to come up here and check on Garrus, I don't think he should get up just yet."
"Yeah, you got it, Commander. No problem." I know he can read my anxiety when he uses my title.
When he clicks off, I kneel on the bed and pull the blankets up so that I can look under them to see Garrus' face. "What's going on, big guy?"
"Hurts," he repeats. "My whole body. My head...so bad."
"Chakwas is coming up, she'll probably bring something for the pain. You stay here and rest today."
That gets him moving, though he doesn't go far; he barely sits up at all before he wavers and then collapses back onto the pillows with a groan. "We have...missions," he manages. He's talking almost like he's dealing with a hangover, and I even think he might be pale.
"We have small things, Garrus. You hit a steel wall hard enough dent it - you're off duty for a day." I lean forward before he can argue and shut him up with a kiss to his forehead. This time the sound he makes is a happy little one. "You get to spend the day in my bed. Don't complain too much."
I have to leave him there, and I yank on my casuals as quickly as possible. Chakwas passes me in the hallway, and I brief her on the groaning Turian in my bed before darting to the Comm Room. "Joker, patch them in - voice only!"
Part of me wants to see the three of them have to react to my bed head and sweats, but today doesn't seem like the best day for it.
The Councilors don't seem to care much that I've chosen just to answer their call by voice, but they tell me about a group of spies - an infiltration team, I guess that's the professional word - that has been trying to track Saren, too. The message they got had no information, but it came from a planet called Virmire and on a mission-critical channel. They make it sound like I have a choice to check it out, and they aren't really ordering me, but we all know that if there's a possibility something happened to the spies involving Saren, I have to go figure it out.
I end the call and take a breath. Virmire will take us at least a week to reach, and I want to follow up on a really weird message from Admiral Kahoku to won't delay us too much, but will give Garrus some time to recover. I'm going to want Garrus for a mission like Virmire. It's with that in mind that I give Joker our first coordinates for the day and head back to my quarters.
Chakways has Garrus sitting up in bed and is shining a light in his eyes.
"What's the verdict, doc?"
"All is normal, Commander, nothing to worry about. Pain after an injury like that is to be expected; he needs rest, and I've already given him some analgesics."
Garrus shifts away from the penlight the moment the doctor releases him and slumps back onto his side on my bed, only to moan in pain from the rapid movement. I've never seen him complain about anything, so it's quite a shock and has me really concerned about his pain levels.
Chakwas much see the concern on my face because she holds my shoulder when she approaches, speaking softer now. "He's OK. It was a hard hit, and Turian bodies aren't as hard as they seem. Knowing Garrus, I imagine he'll be fine and itching for a fight by dinner."
I laugh and can't imagine she's wrong. By tonight, he'll be mad that I left him behind for our missions today. "Thank you, Dr. Chakwas." I find gray eyes, so she knows I mean it. "We're really grateful to have you onboard."
"Well...just doing my job." I don't push since I can tell she doesn't want to get emotional, but I offer a smile when she squeezes my shoulder and then leaves.
Garrus is still and quiet, so I leave him alone for now and get dressed, suiting up in my armor and grabbing my helmet. After tying my boots, I sit in front of him on the side of the bed. One blue eye peeks open at me, and Garrus extends his hand, reaching for me. "Don't like you going without me," he mutters, his words slurred from the drugs.
"I know. I'm bringing your Krogan buddy all day today. He'll keep me safe."
"I could take him." I laugh, pretty sure the Turian isn't entirely aware of what he's saying at this point. "Don't...don't take Alenko. He kisses you."
Now I'm certain he doesn't know what he's saying, because he'd never be that vulnerable with me about Kaidan if he were coherent. It still threatens to break my heart.
"I won't take Alenko," I promise. "And I won't kiss him." That's a promise, too.
Garrus nods just a little, and then his body goes slack all at once, the pain medicine pulling him under. It's tempting just to watch him sleep for a while, peace washing over him already, but I have things to do today. And the day without him will pass faster if I keep busy.
I press my forehead to his gently, not daring to disturb him, and then kiss his forehead too before pulling away. If only I could manage to show him that much of how I feel when he's awake and will remember it, most of my problems would go away.
I grab my helmet and head for the door. The problems of the galaxy seem far easier to deal with.
I wake up reaching for Shepard.
She fits more perfectly in my arms than I ever could have imagined. I've never slept as well I did after she rolled over and let me pull her against me. That ass of hers sat just right in the cradle of my hips, her body was perfectly warm and soft. Lately, my sleep has been poor, but with Shepard, it was deep and solid.
I loved falling asleep with the smell of her hair in my face and the steady thump of her heart filling the room like a calm ambiance.
The annoying beep of her Omni-Tool greeted me first, but it took seconds before I was wracked with pain. My whole body hurt so badly it was hard to think or breathe this morning. I vaguely remember Shepard leaving, and Chakwas coming in to give me medicine. And then I passed out hard.
When I wake up, I'm aware enough to know that this is Shepard's bed and so I reach for her...but I'm alone now. I check the time, and since it's only mid-day, I assume they're still on missions. At least after another six or so hours of sleep, I'm not in pain anymore. It probably helps that I did that sleeping in a much more comfortable bed than the one I've been sleeping on.
A hot shower is calling to me to get rid of the remaining stiffness in my neck and shoulders, and I don't resist the call. It's not until after getting out that I find someone left a set of my casual wear up here for me, which I change into gratefully. My stomach is rumbling by the time I'm dressed, so I head into the Mess Hall.
There are enough rations and snacks that I can make do, excusing the bad choices because I'm still supposed to be recovering from an injury. I also assume that I can because no one else is here to witness it until I hear the elevator arrive, and Ashley Williams steps out.
She nearly hesitates and probably considers just going back downstairs when she realizes I'm the only other person in the room. I turn back to my meal, and Ashley heads for the kitchen. I try to ignore her when I realize she's stopped at the end of the table, especially since she's just staring at the elevator, and I can't begin to know what she's thinking about.
When Ashley turns back to face me, I can't ignore my honor and ingrained need to respect other soldiers, so I look up at her. I can at least offer my attention. "Hey," she says, like greeting me is normal.
"Hey."
Ashley nods absently like she's trying to convince herself of something. "Joker said that you weren't on the mission today because you were really hurting from last night. You...doing OK now?"
"Uh...yeah. Yeah, I feel better. Thanks." I know I sound awkward, but the question was a total shock. Since when does she care how I'm doing?
"What you did for Shepard last night...I don't know a lot of people who would sacrifice themselves like that." She shakes her head; her hair doesn't move at all when she does that, unlike Shepard's hair that always seems to be trying to escape. "It's pretty amazing. We're all amazed. And grateful."
I shrug and then try not to wince from the lingering pain in my shoulders. "I didn't do anything except act on instinct." The instinct to protect the woman I'm crazy about.
"Yeah, well. Damn good instincts, Vakarian. I'm really glad you were there."
"OK. Well...thank you." Awkward, again, but I need Ashley to stop surprising me. I wonder if I'm just hallucinating, and this is a symptom of the concussion. If I'm still sleeping, I really hope this dream turns into the usual ones I have about Shepard...though I need Ashley to get far, far away.
Ashley lifts her hands, showing me a bottle of inter-species ale and a glass. "It's Armistice Day," she announces as if it explains everything. At my blank stare, Ashley explains, "The end of the First Contact War. We - my family - have always marked it with a drink."
"Ah, right. There were always a lot of protestors on the Citadel for Armistice Day," I tell her. "They do a lot of screaming that the Alliance is going soft on Turians, and need to get independent from aliens. Is that what you're here to do, Williams?"
"No. It's really not." She says it intently like she really needs me to believe her. "I actually...I wanted to see if you wanted to have that drink with me. I mean...the war ended for both of our species today so." She shrugs and looks away, the first time I've ever seen her avoid eye contact.
There's a petty piece of me that wants to tell her to go away, or worse, just because I can. I mean, it can't be often that Ashley Williams lets herself get into a vulnerable position. Even if I didn't know I'd only feel crappy about it after, I couldn't behave that way because it would disappoint Shepard immensely. It's important to her that we're all a team. I have to do my part in that.
"I think Chakwas might actually spank me if I drank so soon after a concussion, but...you're welcome to sit with me." I motion to the chair across the table from me. "I'll have to toast with tisane."
"We'll take a raincheck on the ale then," she agrees, slipping into the chair and surprising me again, even if it was her idea.
We're both tense at first, trying to figure out what we can even talk about and since we've never spoken when it wasn't tactical or to be mean to each other. It eventually starts to feel something closer to normal, though, when we find common ground on guns and ammo and killing Geth. She's not as bad to talk to as I feared, and we even get a few laughs out of the whole thing.
I can't imagine we're ever going to be best friends or spend hours on end talking about anything, but it feels good to know that we can at least talk without it being an argument.
After we eat, I have to go back to Shepard's quarters for my armor, and Ashley doesn't make any nasty comments or faces about it, which I also appreciate. Maybe it'll keep Shepard from freaking out any further about whatever the hell it is that we have going on - especially after last night - if she learns that even Ashley Williams can manage to be OK with us spending time together.
"Thanks for sharing that drink with me, Vakarian," she offers before climbing into the elevator again. "Here's to no more wars between us - our people, or the two of us. Yeah?"
"I would be more than happy to drink to that." She gives me a genuine smile and then disappears, ending what was the most unexpected lunch of my life.
Maybe it's knowing that I managed to create peace with Ashley that is giving me courage, but I decide to wait for Shepard to get back from the missions in her quarters instead of collecting my armor and leaving. I'm exhausted, much more than I should be considering I slept all day, and the headache is coming back, so I'll use my pain as an excuse if I need it.
I decide to take the remaining pills that Chakwas left for me to chase away the bit of my headache that's threatening to come back and rest on Shepard's bed, sitting against the headboard. I don't know when I fall asleep, and it washes over me far too quickly to resist.
I wake up a little disoriented and don't have to reach for Shepard this time, because she's right in front of me. Her smile is enough to take my breath away; hell of a way to wake up.
"Hey, big guy," she murmurs, her voice soft and kind. "How ya feeling?"
"Better now," I admit. I don't know how I ended up lying down on her bed again, but I take advantage of it and tug Shepard down onto the mattress quickly.
She lets out an amazing little giggle that sends my heart leaping right into my throat. "Garrus! I have my armor on still."
"I can help with that." I let her smack my hands away playfully and then prop myself up onto my elbows when she stands and starts removing her armor. "How'd it go today?"
"We ended up getting some family armor back for Wrex, that was kind of a cool thing. I've never really seen him get emotional or sentimental before," she recalls with a smile. It fades pretty quickly. "That Cerberus group we followed up on for Admiral Kahoku? We found their base. Rachni, baby Rachni, and creepers from the Thorian."
"The mind control plant on Feros?"
"Yeah. I'll never know how they got those, not sure I want to. Plus...Kahoku is dead."
"What? What happened?"
"Not totally sure, the Alliance recovered the body. It was in a tank with a Rachni, but he wasn't wrecked. Needle marks, though? The whole thing was horrible." She shudders and, since she's out of her armor, I pat her mattress in front of me as an invitation. It gets her to smile again, and she climbs in, moving much closer to me than she actually has to just to fit on the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Better." I recount my lunch to her, and Shepard seems every bit as surprised as I was.
"I'm really proud of you." Her hand rests gently on my chest, and her emerald eyes sparkle at me.
"If I'm being honest, part of the reason I agreed to it was to make you proud of me." I shrug one shoulder and cover my hand with hers, our fingers tangling easily. "That or the concussion is worse than we thought, and my personality has been altered."
Shepard laughs hard and free. I want nothing more than to kiss her, especially right now, when all of this feels so...domestic. It's not something I ever thought I'd want; after a day of work at C-Sec, I either enjoyed the peace at my apartment or brought someone home from a club. Or both. But the idea of debriefing with Shepard at the end of the day makes me happier than just about any other dream I've ever had.
I'm just preparing to talk myself out of kissing her when she looks at me again and instantly derails all my thoughts and plans.
I'm entirely powerless to resist this woman.
If I don't get out of here right now, I'm going to end up kissing her and much more, breaking all of my promises last night. I want more with Shepard, and I finally got her to admit that she does want more with me. I can't screw up the path we're on now, the long game is too important.
"I, uh...I really am feeling better. Which means I should probably get back to my own bed." I roll away before she can argue or question it and climb out on the other side.
I can see her start to argue, but then she takes a breath, sitting up. "Yeah, I know. Busy day so I have a lot of mission reports to file. Probably the responsible thing not to let you distract me."
"Commander! Really weird call - I think you should take it right away," Joker announces over the comms. "I can redirect it in there."
"Go ahead, Joker," Shepard answers right away, standing even though the person on the line won't see her to care if she's in bed. She doesn't give thought to accepting the call, whoever it may be from, with me in the room. She doesn't let me give thought to it either, holding up a hand to ask me to stay.
Her faith and trust in me are worth more than any romp on her mattress.
I nod to let her know I'm not leaving and cross my arms, waiting for this really weird call to come through. It occurs to me that Joker might be pranking us with a sex call or something until a very serious sounding man comes over the speaker.
"Greetings, Commander Shepard. I represent a party interested in obtaining information on Cerberus activities." I can see Shepard perk up immediately at that. The human-first group that Kahoku referred to as terrorists has gained a lot of attention, it seems.
Shepard is all business right away, of course. "Who are you? And who exactly do you represent?"
"Who I am is inconsequential. Suffice it to say I am an agent for the Shadow Broker." And now my interest is piqued, too. "You see, Admiral Kahoku contacted my employer looking for information on the location of any Cerberus facilities. We provided that information on the promise that he would turn over copies of all files gathered from the Cerberus systems to us."
The moment I heard the Shadow Broker was involved, I assumed it would be some kind of backdoor deal. We saw a lot of this on the Citadel. It tells me just how desperate for information and revenge Kahoku must have been if he went this route.
Shepard's arms cross over her chest, and she sinks back into one hip. Her face is calm, but her gaze is hard. Commander mask, on. "Did you have anything to do with Admiral Kahoku ending up dead?"
"We had no reason to harm him," the agent responds. The tone of his voice makes me inclined to believe him, and Shepard glances toward me, looking for an opinion on just that. I nod, and she returns it, deciding to trust me again. "He was going to provide us with information about Cerberus. Information that is now in your possession."
It's not hard to see where he's going with this, and I can already tell that Shepard does not like it. She really has never struck me as the kind to be a fan of treason, so I'm not surprised. I am eager to see how she shuts the agent down, though. Eager and already a little turned on in anticipation.
"These are classified Alliance files," Shepard informs him, her voice betraying that she's insulted someone would even ask this of her. "I am not handing them over to you."
"Be reasonable, Commander. Cerberus was operating outside Alliance jurisdiction; you don't owe them any loyalty. The Alliance is just going to file this information away in some archive. And no secret stays hidden forever. Eventually, someone somewhere will deliver it into our hands. It might as well be you. Transmit the files to us, and you will be well compensated."
I watch Shepard's face, curious now. In my heart, I know what she'll do. Shepard always does the right thing. But I wonder if she's even considering it, knowing that the Shadow Broker might be more equipped to get justice for Kahoku than the Alliance with all their red tape. The money won't matter to her; they missed the mark with that offer. But justice…
She never even flinches.
"My loyalty is to the Alliance. Not the Shadow Broker."
For the first time, the agent hesitates. I'm sure he's not used to being refused. "That is unfortunate, Commander. My employer will remember this, the next time you need something from us." With that, he's gone, and the speakers fall quiet.
"Gross," Shepard mutters, unfolding from her power stance and shaking her head like she's trying to shake the conversation away.
"I have so much to learn from you, Commander Shepard." She looks at me in surprise, but I don't explain or give her time to ask. Instead, I cross the room to her - swallowing down my nerves on the way - and lean down only to press my mouth against her cheek in the closest thing I can manage to a kiss.
She leans her face against me, but we don't touch in any other way. I hear her give a happy little sigh just before I pull away and straighten again. "You know, I was thinking today. It's been a long time since I had a guardian angel," she muses, looking me over with an odd smile.
"A guardian what now?"
"They're...similar to your spirits, I think? The idea is that it's someone who is watching over you," she offers as an explanation though I'm certain it's extremely simplified. "My dad traveled a lot, and my mom gave him a guardian angel pin that he wore every time he left. Although...you're probably more of an archangel."
I laugh. "Yet another word I don't understand, Shepard."
"Right, sorry. Well, it's basically the same idea except archangels are giant and super scary warriors. A guardian angel with a sniper rifle is definitely an archangel."
I'm still not sure I understand what exactly she's talking about, but the smile on Shepard's face and the light in her eyes is enough.
"I'll be whatever you need for me to be," I promise, tucking her hair behind her ear and tugging gently. She leans into my touch, and I'm far too tempted just to throw her back onto the bed. "I'll get out of your way, but I'm just downstairs if you need me," I offer, backing toward the doors.
"OK. Glad you're still in one piece, big guy."
I'd kill to keep that smile on her face. A concussion was definitely worth it. "Me, too. Goodnight, kid."
*******Author's Note*******
I am blown away at all the support and love this story has gotten in the two months since the first chapters went up. I can't thank you enough, and I hope you all continue to enjoy.